This is the podcast for people who know that our MINDS and BODIES are connected, they affect one another, and the better we understand how they operate, the more we get to be the BOSS of our life experience.
If you live in the space of being self-critical (like I have), it's really challenging to believe that other people are going to like you because you don't like you.
When you are being self-critical, it doesn't allow you to present yourself in a way that you can truly be as open and loving and inclusive and outward as you are capable of.
Being a friend to yourself not only shifts your experience of YOU, but it strengthens all your relationships, because you begin to BE a different person.
In this episode April shares her personal goal to love herself from a few years ago.
Some of the things we talk about:
-Getting to know yourself
-Being the first to offer compassion to yourself
-Giving too much "weight" to other people's feedback (positive or negative)
-Understanding that insecurity is part of being human; it's universal
-Finding what nurtures you, and building it into your life
-Difference between being alone and feeling lonely
We want to hear your thoughts! What do you struggle most with in life? What would you like to have a conversation about? What is on your mind? Leave us a voice message by clicking on the link below. It will make our whole day, and we will praise you forever!
Feeling friendless? Here's three possible reasons why, and what you can do about it:
1. You are in the process of building your support squad; it's under construction.
Creating close and lasting friendships takes time and some effort, and possibly some trial and error as you get to know people. Relationships generally start as "pennies," and might switch to "nickel" or "dime" status after some time. Remember that all "tiers" or circles of friends (see episode 69, "Building Your Support Squad") are still valuable and serve a purpose, even if they aren't your #1 go-to people. We can love and appreciate and enjoy all versions of friends.
2. You are staying in a comfortable "status quo."
It's much easier to stay looping in the experiences that we are habituated to, than to shift and try something new. If we are overly comfortable in our state of loneliness or don't extend ourselves to others, we likely won't find ourselves connecting with people. Changing our status quo takes some effort and vulnerability, which doesn't necessarily feel good. It's risky and we might be rejected. However, if we aren't willing to be reach out and be seen, then we won't connect with others in a meaningful way.
3. Your unconscious beliefs about yourself and/or about others are getting in the way.
If you fear being unworthy of love and belonging, or you feel insecure, those feelings will impact the way you show up and relate to other people. One thought that we like is to believe that everyone is my friend, unless they tell me otherwise. Believing this causes a complete shift in how we operate and how we show up in our interactions.
Feeling alone is totally normal, and yet it totally stinks! Even though you might think you're the only one feeling alone, the irony is that you share that experience with more people than you realize.
In order to feel connected and accepted, we have to give ourselves permission to accept ourselves.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brene Brown
Consider all the "tiers" of people in your life: acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, community groups (church, workout places, school), friends from the past, book clubs etc. then consider who you might feel drawn to.
1. Notice how you might be defining friendship, and consider a broader definition. Your closest friends might not be in your same stage of life or might not "look" how you initially expect.
2. Be interested, rather than trying to be interesting (from Awesome with Alison podcast episode 93).
3. Initiate! Be someone that you would want to be friends with.
4. Take notice if the relationship is healthy AND enjoyable (look for BOTH).
Healthy relationships include love, trust, equal power, a positive vibe and have an overall uplifting feeling.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
― Brene Brown
THIS episode is one that I personally will listen to more than once! Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes us through more concepts and ideas than I ever expected, going full-circle covering what modesty is, what it is NOT.
Questions we asked Dr. Finlayson-Fife:
Please define it!
How should we be teaching modesty?
How do we teach it age-appropriately?
How do we teach it without body-shaming, or sending the message that we are responsible for the thoughts/feelings/actions of others?
Should it be addressed differently based on gender?
A few of my favorite takeaways:
Modesty has very little to do with sexuality and more to do with how we are being.
Modesty encompasses self-respect, understanding our value, and holding appropriate boundaries between that which is public and that which is private.
Children tend to "map" the parent's level of comfort or discomfort with their bodies and their self-worth.
The more clear and resolved a parent is on the topic of bodies and sexuality, the more their children will be able to "map" that level of comfort for themselves. (Parents who do the work to resolve for themselves unhelpful messages they may have received, help their children to have healthy understandings and respect for themselves and others.)
For more resources from Dr. Finlayson-Fife, visit her website:
Meet April! She is one of my favorite people on the planet, and she is going to be joining me for lots of fun things coming up.
In Secret Sauce Part 1 (episode 66) we discussed becoming comfortable with negative emotion. In today's episode, we talk all about being intentional with our minds, to create the life experience that we want to be having.
Three tools that we discuss for experiencing your life more intentionally:
1. Morning and evening questions (below)
2. intentional moments ahead of time
Morning questions (from Ed Mylett podcast episode: Unlocking Your Success Code)
1. What am I HAPPY about in my life right now?
What about that makes me HAPPY? How does it make me feel?
2. What am I EXCITED about in my life right now?
What about that makes me EXCITED? How does it make me feel?
3. What am I PROUD of in my life right now?
What about that makes me PROUD? How does it make me feel?
4. What am I GRATEFUL for in my life right now?
What about that make me GRATEFUL? How does that make me feel?
5. What am I ENJOYING most in my life right now?
What about that do I ENJOY? How does it make me feel?
6. What am I COMMITTED to in my life right now?
What about that makes me committed? How does it make me feel?
7. Who do I LOVE?
Who LOVES me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
Evening Questions (same source as above)
What have I given today?
In what ways have I been a giver?
What did I learn today?
How has today added to the quality of my life?
How can I use today as an investment in my future?
My "Secret Sauce" is a two-part recipe:
1. Jody Moore: her podcast "Better Than Happy" was the catalyst what I'm doing (she's my mentor, example, and one of my greatest influencers)
2. Learning to be okay with the discomfort of feeling negative emotions (taught by Jody) "Discomfort is the currency to your dream life." -Brooke Castillo
We have generally been conditioned to go through life avoiding discomfort and negative emotions at all costs. We say things like “oh, don’t be sad” or “don’t be afraid,” as if we shouldn’t feel those things. But the truth is, negative emotions are not a problem per se (they are part of being a human).
When we avoiding feeling the discomfort of negative emotion, and therefore never learn what to do with it, we prevent ourselves from growing. It keeps us from building the incredibly valuable skill of being resilient. We end up emotionally inflexible and unable to adapt (let alone thrive), because we never learned how to manage what’s going on inside of us.
Listen to learn how to gain more resiliency, and become more of the BOSS of your life!
Many of you have shared with me how you struggle with unrealistic expectations or with choosing progress over perfection, so today we are talking about feelings and how they relate to self-compassion.
Our feelings are how we experience our lives; they are relevant and important to notice, and even more important to learn what to do with them.
Perfectionism doesn't drive us to be better; it causes us to feel inadequate.
Jay Shetty shoots for something like 80% in order to publish.
Jody Moore aims for B- work.
If we are aiming for the fantasy of perfection, we will never complete anything or contribute what we can to the world. It's not about being complacent or not caring about our work; rather it's about giving ourselves the gift of completion, the gift of continuing on, the gift of self-compassion and being willing to be seen.
In this episode you'll hear an example of how to walk through the processing of a negative emotion, in a way that helps us experience our lives with new confidence, through self-compassion.
Learning how to feel and being willing to feel is the biggest confidence booster! Self-compassion is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
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Today's episode was inspired by a message I received:
"Things people say to you or about you can really hurt. People hurting the people you love most is even more painful. It is hard for me to understand that this can all be controlled by my thoughts. I know I get to decide how I feel, but don’t you think painful words and actions do affect us, no matter how positive we choose to be?"
Big thank you to the person who asked this question, because I think this is a really common experience and a commonly misunderstood part of our life experience.
1. Being "positive" is the goal
2. Other people shouldn't do hurtful things
When we believe that other people's actions or their words are harmful, we become victims. When we are victims, we allow our hurt or our pain to take root in us, and become a part of who we are. We then continue to re-experience the pain over and over again, well after the event.
Five strategies to be the "BOSS" in this area:
1. Let go of the "me" lens (Other people's actions are about THEM, even when they are directed at US.)
2. Allow yourself to feel negative emotion as long as necessary and instructive, and then choose to move on and tell the story in a way that no longer hurts you.
3. Remember agency, instead of resistance. Resisting things we have no control over might feel useful and necessary, but that's a lie. Accessing peace is where our power really lies.
4. Notice if you are mirroring other people. (Are you angry about their anger?)
5. Remember the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Practicing these five strategies gives us more compassion for ourselves and others, more love for those who are challenging to love, greater peace and greater connection to God, and more confidence in who we are and how we get to experience our lives.
Today I'm sharing TWO mindsets and THREE strategies to consider as you think about your future self.
Mindset #1: When choosing between things like schools, jobs, where to live etc, there is no "right" or "wrong" per se. It's only "right" or "wrong" if you decide it is. Even if you end up choosing something different later, that doesn't mean it was the wrong decision to begin with. Maybe the experiences you had or the relationships you gained or the timing of things was exactly what you needed then. It's all part of the process. I like to think of life as more "trial-and-error" than "right and wrong."
Mindset #2: The process is the point. We're never really "done," even if we hit a milestone or achieve a goal. There's always going to be another milestone or goal to shoot for. Knowing that the process is the point can help us enjoy what we are doing along the way, rather than waiting for some point in the future to start enjoying our life.
Also, part of the process of achieving means there will be discomfort. Brook Castillo teaches that discomfort is the "currency of achieving your goals." Are you willing to experience discomfort? It's part of the process.
Strategy #1: Use your imagination to create the life you want to experience. Create in your mind all the parts and pieces, and let your body start to feel the emotional "blueprint" in advance. Don't wait to feel excited or confident or courageous. Use your brain, your imagination, to create it all "spiritually" first, and that will help you create it physically.'
Strategy #2: Get to know your unique skills and abilities, and what "lights you up." What do you secretly think you might be really good at? Is there something you are feeling "called" to do? Is there something that you go to sleep thinking about?
Strategy #3: Give gifts to your future self! ("Thank you, past Michelle, for cleaning the house so I can come home from vacation to a clean space!" or "Thank you, past Michelle, for flossing your teeth regularly!")
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"Body Image is very much linked to self-image ... and the issue of self-acceptance and being at peace with one's self is a lifelong and developmental issue." -Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
THIS episode is all about learning how to give ourselves more "latitude" and and more self-compassion in our human-ness, because that's how we feel at peace with our bodies, connect more deeply in our relationships, and experience more love for everyone around us.
For more with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, visit her site:
Leave me a voice message with your favorite takeaway!
1. There’s a difference between the constant me (the part of me that God created) and the changing me (the part of me that I get to create).
2. And there’s serious power in recognizing the difference, because that perspective helps us to more fully identify with our constant self (which is our wise self, our best self), which brings tons of peace and contentment and confidence and joy and gratitude and all the things that we want to experience.
The Changing part of me:
This is when I experience things like my ego, fear, comparison, lack, isolation, not being enough.
This is the part of us that we create.
When we are identifying as our changing self, it feels really unsafe and scary and unpredictable. We feel threatened, because we think our value is constantly at stake, and we might feel like we need to prove our value.
The Constant part of me:
This is where I get to experience true feelings of love, understanding, hope, patience, connection, gratitude, abundance, acceptance, and peace.
This is the part of us that God created.
THESE feelings are what we get to experience when we are identifying as our constant self. We get to live with more assurance and centeredness and peace and calm because we don’t feel threatened or concerned about our value. We understand that our value is innate and constant-- after all, this is the part of us that God created.
Listen to more details, including examples of people showing up as their constant self.
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I used to think that some of the worst thing that could happen to me, was to become a young widow (because that's really grief-worthy and scary), or to become disabled (because I love moving my body). Then later I thought that losing a child would be the worst thing. I was so afraid of these kinds of circumstances and the unknown future because I didn't understand how peace and happiness and joy could still be available.
One of the greatest skills I have gained over the years (and am still practicing), is the capacity to experience feelings. When we truly understand that the worst thing that can happen is a feeling, and add to that the skill of processing feelings, our confidence sky-rockets. Being willing to feel, is a skill of confidence.
Listen to hear how to create your own mental "Ibuprofen," for those times when we experience difficulty, AND what to do with negative emotion.
Three main nuggets:
1. In the present, we are always okay. One great way to bring ourselves into the present is to pay attention to our breath.
2. Emotions are simply chemical responses in the body, and our bodies are designed to experience and process them. It's okay to feel negative emotions.
3. Choose to believe that Heavenly Father makes masterpieces out of messes (especially the horrible, unjust, and altogether wrong things). "Be still and know that I am God."
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The only "lens" we have to look through is our own, and it's filtered by our perceptions, our culture, our past experiences etc.
The best way to see clearly is to notice if we identify AS our circumstances (my thoughts, my feelings, my relationships, my body etc. OR if we identify as a human being (or even a spirit being) who EXPERIENCES thoughts, feelings, relationships, body, etc.
It might sound like a subtle difference, but it's HUGE in terms of how we experience our life.
There is a part of us that is constant, and a part of us that isn't.
The constant part of us is our true identity, and cannot be changed or broken.
The part of us that is NOT constant, consists of our circumstances and thoughts and feelings. All of those things change.
The goal is to identify with our constant self. This gives us authority, perspective, wisdom, and the ability to be kind to ourselves!
Listen to hear a few of my experiences looking through an imperfect "lens."
ALL the feels! In this episode I share some tender examples of how emotions have instructed me. I believe the Spirit is our teacher, and if we tune in, our emotions are the curriculum.
Listen to learn what emotions really are, and maybe more importantly what they are not.
Here's part of it:
Emotions are thoughts linked to a sensation; the thought is in the mind, the sensation is in the body. This is why we call emotions "feelings."
Essentially there are two types of emotions: (Taught by Deepak Chopra)
1. emotions that connect us to life (love, joy, kindness, compassion, equinimity...)
2. emotions that disconnect us from life (fear, anger, hostility, resentment, guilt, shame....)
Gaining awareness of our emotions and knowing that they come from our minds INCREASES our agency and our ability to generate the state of being & the life we want to experience.
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Today I'm sharing a personal story of shame (yep, not "being the light").
I created this message specifically for a girl's camp that where I was invited to speak.
Listen to hear how:
the inward nature of shame prevents us from experiencing love and belonging (and all humans experience it)
the importance of shifting from body identification to spirit identification (His arms of mercy are always stretched out)
"plugging in" to our "Source" can be simple and easy and natural (personal revelation isn't mysterious or dramatic)
And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings. [D&C 88:11]
Wanna join me in a FREE 21-day meditation experience? I'm SOOOO excited for this one, and I would love some buddies to join me in it.
It begins THIS MONDAY July 15, 2019
1. Click HERE for all the info
2. Let me know you're doing it so we can be buddies through the experience!
either email me at email@example.com OR direct message me via instagram @michellestevenett
Let's not mistake putting garbage in our bodies, for getting a reward.
Have you ever noticed what your relationship with food is like? Is there noise and drama? Is it a love-hate relationship?
TWO main nuggets for today's episode:
1. Food is for nourishment, period. (It's not for escape or entertainment or to feel rebellious. There are better ways to do all of that!)
2. Our taste buds and body are adaptable. (If you don't like "healthy" foods, open your mind to the possibility that this could shift, and it doesn't have to be hard.)
1. Focus on all the awesome food we GET to eat, rather than the unsupportive (however tasty) foods we "shouldn't."
2. Remember the compound effect of small consistent choices is REAL. Also, small changes over time is the best way to gradually shift your "norm," rather than trying to make huge changes all at once.
3. Practice MINDFUL eating (***BIGGEST TIP of the DAY****) because the chemical state of our bodies when we eat MATTERS. We want our parasympathetic nervous system active (this is our rest/digest/heal signals). Ways to activate it: Pause. Take 10 deep breaths. Express gratitude. Chew throughly and take your time. Set the fork down between bites. Stretch meal time to 20 mins.
4. Get more plants into your body! I use Dr. Gregers free "Daily Dozen" app to help me get in all the plants he recommends we eat each day for optimum health. Don't overthink eating plants; it can be super easy.
Here's a sample daily menu that helps me get in all the plants:
BREAKFAST: overnight steel-cut oats (in a rice-cooker) with lentils, flaxseeds, apples, cinnamon, and vanilla.
LUNCH: chopped salad (make a big batch to last multiple days) of red cabbage, kale, shredded carrots, edamame, blueberries, cashews or hemp seeds, and a balsamic dressing.
DINNER: beans and rice over chopped greens with avocado, tomato, and salsa
SNACKS: fruit (like plums, apples, peaches... whatever is in season), maybe some nuts, or a plant-based chocolate protein smoothie.
Leave me a voice message by clicking the link below; I would LOOOOVE to hear from you!
"Stop the glorification of BUSY!"
Two main points:
1. Being busy is only a thought. It generates stress and worry, and it’s totally optional.
2. There are things that only I can do, and things that anyone could do.
It's super easy to get stuck in patterns of doing things that might only include one or two of the “hats” we wear; so instead of taking time to be a wife, a mom, a friend, a colleague, a coach, a volunteer, a daughter, an exerciser, a musician, an artist, a soul… we end up being full-time mom or full-time student or full-time worker, and we never nurture the other parts of who we are.
When we think we don't have time to nurture other parts of who we are, we feel neglected.
When the other parts of who we are, are neglected, we begin to feel resentful.
FOUR strategies to help you find time:
1. Practice believing that you have enough time. Practice generating peacefulness and calm, even in the midst of things to do and places to be. Operating as a frazzled and "busy" person causes us to turn inward, lose perspective, get stuck in our heads, and miss out on being a loving, kind, outward thinking person. Peace and love are always an option, and they feel a whole lot better than chaos.
2. Each week, make a list of “hats” (home and family, church, business or work....) and what tasks you would like to complete for each one. Look at your calendar, and assign spots to each item. *Be sure to include soul-nourishing!
3. Check out the StoryBrand Productivity planner. Podcast episode that explains the process can be heard HERE.
4. Try the Pomodoro Technique (set a timer for 20 or 25 mins-- or less if you're me -- and see how much you can do in that window! Then take a break.)
Small actions done consistently add up and compound over time! A single penny, doubled every day for 31 days will yield ten times more than getting a million dollars today. Do little things with consistency, and those little actions compound!
Change always begins with compassion.
All-or-nothing mentality causes us to live in fight-or-flight response, because everything is either good or bad, right or wrong, success or failure.
If we are thinking in all-or-nothing terms, then we end up day-after-day experiencing habituated emotions.
Those habituated emotions drive our life, and we feel less and less in control.
When we feel out of control, we experience the feeling of being a victim, and we feel stuck.
When we feel stuck, we stay right where we are, without progress or change of any kind. (I believe we are hard-wired for progress and change). If we feel like progress or change isn’t an option, that feels pretty terrible and scary and hopeless. It’s like our agency is gone or at least limited. And that’s scary!
A friend of mine once pointed out that the kinds of situations that are most traumatic in our lives, are those when our agency is taken away.
It’s traumatic to not have agency!
And I believe this is how many of our negative emotions like anxiety and depression can feel like-- a loss of agency.
Thinking thoughts like "I'm terrible" or "she's a saint" contributes to all-or-nothing mentality; the truth is that we are both-- at times we might be terrible and at times we might be saints.
Here's what to do:
Remember that change always begins with compassion.
Practice allowing for setbacks; know it happens, and that’s okay.
Use the word “and” (I’m good and bad; I make good decisions and sometimes not so good decisions. I’m spiritual, and I also have questions. It was a hard day, and parts of it weren’t so bad).
Separate your value from your performance (Example of learning to sing alto; I was terrible at it! And I could laugh, because I wasn't attaching my value to how well I could sing alto.)
Add the word “yet” to your vocabulary (ex. I haven’t achieved it yet, or I haven't figured it out yet.)
More Calmness = Less Depression We don't necessarily need more happiness to solve our lows; we need more calmness.
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subject line: MIND.BODY.BOSS Group Fitness
Five things that have been super influential for my MIND and BODY (and continue to be) are:
1. Jody Moore: found her podcast "Better Than Happy" at the end of 2016 and discovered the power of thought work. I joined her membership the first month it was launched and am still a member. Learn more at jodymoore.com
2. Deepak and Oprah: free 21 day meditation challenge starting July 15! I participated in a different free meditation challenge earlier this year, and it ROCKED my world! If you want to join and the challenge with me, here's the link.
3. "Heal" documentary on Netflix: Suuuper interesting to consider the science behind our minds and how they may play a powerful role in healing. One part of the documentary that I found intriguing is about cancer researcher Kelly Turner and her book "Radical Remission." (Check out radicalremission.com for more on this.)
4. Dr. Greger: “How Not to Die” book and Nutritionfacts.org
Medical Dr. who is all about getting the latest research about food into the mainstream. He teaches what can be done to help prevent and even reverse them disease. I use his "Daily Dozen" app to help me fit as many of the recommended types of plants into my body each day as I can.
5. Movement such as Yoga (I'm a huge fan of yoga!)
I love yoga because it teaches us soo many things about life and how to breathe and be okay through discomfort. I believe this spills into how we conduct our lives. It also provides lots of other health benefits (just like all movement does). If you don't have a studio nearby or you'd rather do yoga in the privacy of your home, I really like the free Down Dog app. It has TONS of options like a variety of class types and you can choose your duration and the voice among other things. (That's some BONUS info if you're reading this, because I failed to mention it in the podcast! Lucky you :)
Choosing the path of least resistance always seems like a good idea in the moment, but rarely has us operating as our best selves.
In this episode, I share three categories of personal guideposts that I have created in my own life, that help increase agency and avoid the pitfalls of living a reactionary life.
First category is the "never regrets." I never regret nurturing relationships, feeding myself nourishing foods, exercising, or honoring my body signals. When I find myself on the fence of whether or not to engage in these kinds of opportunities, I remind myself that I'll never regret it. I'm always glad when I do these things.
The second category is "choosing love." When I'm faced with any decision or any challenging situation, I try to think "what would love do--" love for me and love for everyone involved. Sometimes it's something small like being done with dessert or only allowing a kind inner-voice (rather than the all-too-common inner critic), and sometimes it's something bigger like swallowing my desire to be right, and choosing instead to simply be kind.
The third category is "don't wait to do good." I have noticed that doing good sometimes takes some courage or we think we need some permission or prompting or instruction, so we hold off. I have learned that we don't need permission or prompting or instruction to simply do things that we know are good to do. Yes, it might be uncomfortable or take some courage, but I promise we will always be glad we did!
Living according to these simple guides helps us like ourselves better, trust ourselves more fully (which builds confidence), minimizes regrets and negative self-talk, and ultimately helps us live a more full life. It helps us be in control of positive ways that we can choose to experience our life.
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Did you know that everything we want, is because of how we think it will make us feel? In reality, all we ever want is a feeling. Yep, a feeling!
The reason we don't already feel the way we want to feel, is because of something going on inside our minds. Our well-intended brains tend to hold us back or continue to operate in old default patterns. The good news is that we have the capacity to figure it out.
The 4-part process discussed in this episode:
1. have compassion toward yourself (everything we do or don't do, has a positive intention)
2. decide what we really want, and what having that will do for us (what feeling are we wanting)
3. feel the feeling ahead of time (create an emotional "blueprint")
4. practice thinking and feeling how you want to think and feel
This process helps us be "agents" to act, rather than be acted upon. It opens us to possibilities that we didn't even know were available to us. It increases our agency, and it let's us experience more of what we want to experience! So fun!
1. Everyone struggles with body image. (Even the people you think wouldn't or shouldn't... they do too.)
2. It doesn't have to be a life-time battle!
In this episode, I share my own personal experiences (....getting uber personal here...) with body image thoughts and struggles, what happens when we live in a place of negative body image, and what we can do to kindly help ourselves improve how we think about it all.
If you want additional support in this area, I recommend checking out the resources at www.bodyimagemovement.com.
There are two kinds of resistance: the kind that is helpful, and the kind that is not.
The kind that is helpful, we will call "work."
The unhelpful kind involves arguing with reality; it's attempting to prevent something that already happened, or refusing to accept something that is out of our control.
It sounds logical when we put in these terms that this kind of resistance isn't helpful, and yet we do it ALL THE TIME (clearly, unaware of our mis-use of energy!)
Listen to hear examples of how and why we resist things, why it's futile, and what to do instead.
The well-known serenity prayer sums it well:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
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Our main challenge as humans is against ourselves, not against each other.
We think people and things and circumstances outside of us are our biggest challenge, but the truth is our challenge is with ourselves.
When we live in a state of constant comparison, it leads us to choosing to believe that we are either "dust of the earth," good for nothing, and worthless, OR that we are super important, and better than someone else. The adversary wants us to CHOOSE ONE or the other, because both beliefs create sin and misery.
The truth is we are BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Choosing one or the other (dust or super duper important) dismisses God's hand in our life and His hand in our creation. BOTH perspectives cause us to take all the credit for our creation. Both are self-absorbed ways of living. Both feel terrible.
If we are to understand who we are and what we're doing here, we also have to accept that we are SIMULTANEOUSLY BOTH dust AND the greatest of God's creations!
God only compares us to old us. Me to old me.
Our challenge is NOT against each other. It's only against ourselves.
BYU Devotional mentioned can be found here: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/j-b-haws_wrestling-with-comparisons/
Being who we want to be on the inside is entirely different from achieving something on the outside. On the outside, we might have goals or ambitions to achieve something (like losing weight, or getting finances how we want them, or finding a spouse, or getting pregnant....), and yet when we achieve those things, we are still the same human on the inside.
It’s important to understand that even when we achieve the things we hope to achieve, the person we are BEing is still us.
We won’t magically become immune to insecurity or self-doubt once we lose weight.
We don’t become inoculated against feelings of frustration or fear just because we got out of debt.
We will still experience pain and suffering, even when we achieve what we want to achieve. It’s sort of like a cold or a flu bug-- as humans, we will always be susceptible to struggle and negative emotion.
This episode is much less about achieving goals and dreams and more about who we want to be along the way.
How do we want to think about our struggles?
How do we want to respond to them or talk about them or see them?
Listen to hear how I recommend accessing your inner wisdom and personal revelation, and how to create and experience BEing the person you want to be.
BYU devotional cited: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/stephen-r-covey_educated-conscience/
"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brene Brown
While it is true that we are all experiencing our own individual lives, experiences, challenges and trials (and our salvation is entirely an individual matter), we are also profoundly connected to one another and are here together for a reason. We need each other for support, for love, we influence one another. We need each other in order to learn things like how to forgive and repent.
Thinking that "no one understands me or what I'm going through" divides us from each other. We will prove this to be true to ourselves if we choose to stay in the isolated space that this thinking generates.
Instead, if we focus on how much we have in common as humans, we can find so much unity. We are actually not all that different from one another.
We all have an innate desire to belong (which is the opposite of "fitting in," according to Brene Brown). True belonging comes when we have the courage to be who we are; to accept ourselves, and allow that imperfect version of ourselves to be seen.
If we are afraid of each other, we hold back our love (both for ourselves, and for each other). "Perfect love casteth out all fear."
Self-love and Selfishness are completely different!
Selfishness is defined as being concerned excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.
Self-love means having self-compassion and a regard for our well-being.
If we are incapable of loving ourselves and understanding our own value, is it really possible to see the value and worth of others from a place of sincere love? Think about it: we might think “of course I can love others and not myself-- I can see the worth and value of others and I can love them, even if I don’t really love myself.” Parents especially would argue this because of course we love our kids more than ourselves, right?
But consider what feelings we might really be experiencing when we think of our kids or anyone else that we say we love; we might see their value and their worth, but what is the underlying feeling? Is there some worry or fear or comparison or lack?
That’s not love.
If we are harsh to ourselves or have unkind thoughts toward ourselves, we are likely to have similar thoughts toward others. If we live in comparison or a feeling of less-than or lack, then that is how our minds operate.. That will be our default lens; it will be the default way that we experience all people, including ourselves.
If we aren’t being very nice to other people, chances are we also aren’t being very nice to ourselves.
If see someone struggling or failing or making a mistake, what’s our response? It could be a loved one or our own kids or a complete stranger--what’s our response?
Are we judgy or embarrassed or shaming or wanting to scold them? Or do we find kindness and compassion, seeking to support them or understand them?
The way we respond to other people’s struggles is likely how we respond to struggles of our own.
So when we are struggling or make mistakes, are we judging ourselves or embarrassed or shameful or scolding ourselves?
Or do we access kindness toward ourselves and self-compassion, seeking to understand and support ourselves?
Self-love gives us the capacity to love other people even more.
Selfishness or being self-absorbed simply does not give us that capacity to love other people.
Meditating is a GAME CHANGER (it has been for me).
I believe the quality of our lives (which is really the quality of our emotions), can be DRAMATICALLY improved by taking time to meditate.
"The soul always knows how to heal itself; the challenge is to silence the mind."
Here's why I meditate (and think everyone should):
It helps us access our inner wisdom
It helps us have higher quality emotions, which gives us a higher quality of life
It helps us to be present in the here and now, which I believe is required for receiving personal revelation
Check out Brooke Snow's 40-day Christian Meditation Challenge HERE.
We all know that actions give us results, but did you know that we all have BEHIND-the-SCENCE players that ACTUALLY determine our results?
When we DO something in hopes of generating a change in our lives WITHOUT ALSO addressing our behind-the-scenes players like BELIEFS and feelings, we usually end up continuing to experience the familiar same things that we are accustomed to experiencing.
CHANGE only occurs when all the "players" are on board: we need our thoughts and feelings all aligned with our actions for true change to occur.
We can choose to BELIEVE something first (genuinely get there in our thoughts and feelings FIRST), THEN our DOING (the actions), will actually create change, and give us the experience we want.
My world changed the first time I heard this phrase:
"Choose Progress Over Perfection"
In my quest for things that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy," I realized that I was slapping a cruel measuring stick on myself.
I was experiencing my life from a place of lack; I thought that if I’m striving, then clearly that means I’m not there yet, and therefore I’m lacking.
Living in a fear-based way with my value attached to things I was or wasn't doing, is really unsettling and scary.
Listen to hear how perfectionism might be showing up in your life, and some ideas for how to shift that experience into peace and hope and excitement!
"Your stop-doing list is more important than your to-do list."
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Today we are talking about the difference between questions and doubts.
I believe the biggest difference between questions and doubts is what they generate for us:
Doubts create indecision and uncertainty and tend to keep us stuck. Doubt feeds more doubt, keeping us somewhere between belief and disbelief, and preventing us from feeling resolution and confidence.
Questions tend to generate curiosity and a disposition to seek a new understanding. It’s a thirst for knowledge, a desire to understand, and be able to come to settled place of peace, resolution, and confidence.
Listen to this episode to hear how questions and doubts play out in our physical bodies, what we believe we are capable of, and how it relates to our faith.
"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.
Today's episode is all about fixing other people. Doesn't that sound amazing? If we can just fix other people that are causing problems for us, that would solve so many things, right?
Listen to hear how I learned the trick after about 5-10 years of struggle and habitual negative emotion around other people's behavior.
Here's the truth:
Our power comes from owning our feelings. We have to swallow and internalize our own role in generating the feelings we are experiencing.
When our happiness or peace is contingent on other people's behavior, we end up a victim.
When we understand our role in creating our feelings, we gain authority to shift our experience away from victimhood and move toward becoming the hero of our story.
Peace and contentment and happiness is available. It's an option, but usually we have to go through the "ick" of negative emotion and mind management to get there.
It's doable for all of us, and it feels so much better!
Enjoy today's episode!
If you're curious about coaching with me, click here to access my online calendar for a complimentary intro session.
Curious about coaching with me? Click here to book a complimentary intro session
The more we understand our minds, the more we understand the importance of intentionally choosing what goes inside of them. The same is true for our bodies.
If we aren't intentional, then our brains do the best they can, living on default mode. Default mode is fine and can serve us, but most of the time our defaults prevent us from living into our best lives. Default mode generally prevents us from doing things that require stretch and growth, because they cause us to hide or find ways to numb-out from anything uncomfortable, and we end up living defensively and believing stories that our brain tells.
When things happen that we don't expect, our mind reveals what's going on inside of it through our feelings and actions. If we feel stuck or like a victim, that's okay, AND there is always another option (if you want another option).
“When we deny our stories, they own us,” says Brené Brown. “When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.”
I think it was Zig Ziglar who said: "Circumstances don't create character. Circumstances reveal it."
Did you know that all humans suffer?
Even the pretty ones, and the ones that seem to have perfect lives?
Yep. No one is immune.
When we experience negative emotions like insecurity, anxiety, shame, loneliness, or depression, how we think about it really matters.
If we think negative emotion is a problem and something has gone wrong, then it's problematic.
If we believe that negative emotion is a part of being human, we're supposed to experience challenging things, and it's part of being human, THEN we gain access to peace. This is how we claim power to "accept the things we cannot change (instead of fighting and resisting and stressing over things that we have no control over), have courage to change the things we can (how we are thinking about it), and have wisdom to know the difference" (Serenity Prayer).
"Peace is not the absence of trouble. It's the PRESENCE of Christ."
Thinking we "should" be motivated when we aren't is seriously NOT motivating! It's very discouraging, sends us into negative self-talk, and definitely doesn't generate the life we actually want (no bueno).
Listen to hear a three-part strategy to get you experiencing more of what you want (including motivation) and less of what you don't (lose the rude, self-loathing inner-critic)!
I discovered an un-anticipated challenge for some of my clients:
One of the activities we do is to make a list of things they appreciate about themselves; I anticipated that it would be a bit challenging (because we don't usually use our minds this way), however what I didn't anticipate, is for some of them it felt selfish and boastful.
It was a conflict with their values of being humble and selfless.
Here's the problem:
If we think that pridefulness and humility are complete opposites, then we may mistakenly think that humility involves belittling ourselves and being overly aware of our weaknesses and short-comings (...because at least we'll know we aren't being prideful, right?).
I believe that the kind of humility taught in the scriptures involves acknowledging God's creation in us. It's understanding that we are good and and strong and of value, because He created us.
This kind of humility is strong, because in it, we are glorifying Him. We didn't create ourselves; AND as children of God, we all have strengths and abilities and bits of divinity.
Understanding this is important for several reasons; here's three:
1. It blesses us with kindness and compassion for ourselves
2. It's necessary for progression
3. It glorifies our creator!
Listen to hear more about how I think "humble-strength" relates to being as a child (it's pretty good)!
"Little hinges swing big doors."
In this episode, you'll hear a number of small and simple things that I have found helpful (and even life-changing), that can easily be incorporated into our day, without adding to the to-do list!
Two main points:
1. Small and simple things have a compound effect over time (whether they are in our favor or not).
2. Small and simple things can be really powerful in the short term too!
If we want to feel better, we have to become better at feeling.
(Listen to the full episode to get what I mean-- including a real life example from my life this past weekend, involving my husband!)
Feeling better involves two entirely different skill sets:
1. alleviating misery by knowing how to handle all the negative emotion we experience and
2. generating or creating all the pieces of well-being in our lives.
Both skill sets are required for truly feeling better in our lives. They help us to know ourselves, control ourselves, and gain mastery of ourselves, and it all helps us to like ourselves.
If we are paying attention, the Holy Ghost will be our teacher, and our emotions are the curriculum.
Did you know that focusing on our actions is not the most efficient way to get the results we want? Two people engaging in the same actions can get totally different results. How can this be?
The biggest factors in our results are silent players, behind-the-scenes: our thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts and feelings drive all our actions (and inactions). When we understand how we are creating our current experiences, that is when we gain new authority and ability to create a different experience if we want to.
Learning to manage our minds helps us to see new options and new ways of being and new ways of experiencing our lives. It's such a gift that only we can give to ourselves!
I'm beginning to think that I could seriously argue that our physical bodies are THE most significant (and the most under-appreciated) element of our well-being. This is NOT simply because I believe in the power of physical health; it's because I STRONGLY believe that our bodies are supremely significant players and contributors to all our our human experiences, no matter the condition.
This episode features Dr. Martin Seligman's PERMA Model for Well-Being and my thoughts on how each element connects to our physical bodies.
“The body is more than simply another machine, indistinguishable from the artificial objects of the world, it is also the vessel of the individual’s sense of self, his most personal feelings and aspirations, as well as that entity to which others respond in a special way because of their uniquely human qualities.” ~ Gardner, 1993, pp. 235-6
This is a good one! It' s one of my favorite topics; this episode discusses the role of agency in creating our life experiences. Guys, it's all about AGENCY!
We are agents to ACT (which means we can direct what's going on in our minds), rather than to be acted upon (living by defaults of an unmanaged mind --which I believe is the "natural man").
Questions to ask yourself each morning:
(These direct our minds, and create more of the life experiences we want--from Tony Robbins, via Ed Mylett's podcast episode "Unlocking Your Success Code")
What am I HAPPY about in my life right now? What about that makes me happy? How does it make me feel?
What am I EXCITED about in my life right now? What about that makes me excited? How does it make me feel?
What am PROUD of in my life right now? What about it makes me proud? How does it make me feel?
What am I am GRATEFUL for in my life right now? What about that make me grateful? How does that make me feel?
What am I ENJOYING most in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does it make me feel?
What am I COMMITTED to in my life right now? What about that makes me committed? How does it make me feel?
Who do I LOVE? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
Questions to ask each evening:
What have I given today? In what ways have I been a giver?
What did I learn today?
How had today added to the quality of my life? How can I use today as an investment in my future?
To access Brooke Snow's free class on how the Law of Attraction Fits in With the Gospel, visit her site: http://blog.brookesnow.com/
One of my lowest moments occurred recently, when I experienced extreme indifference. It seemed as though everything was meaningless, and it was the most disturbing experience.
Listen to hear my thoughts about this experience and a few things that were helpful for me.
Debut episode for my handsome husband, Mark Stevenett!
Get a taste of each of our struggles in high school, including three lessons that I learned the hard way (and over lots of time!).
To book a complimentary info session about the Confidence Course for teens, click here:
How do you know if you're making the right or wrong decision?
In this episode, I teach you how you can always make the right decision. We discuss how we frame our stories, and how to know if our stories are serving us.
To learn more about the Confidence Course for Teens, click below to book your complimentary info call:
We're in the middle of the holiday season, and if you're anything like how I used to be, you might have some "drama" in your mind about all the food and treats and how much weight you might gain.
Did you know it's all optional?
In this episode, we discuss why you might want to treat your body differently than you currently do, and how to have the desire to do so.
What if you were in charge of caring for someone else's body, someone who you love? What thoughts would you have about their body? How would you treat it?
Can you treat your own body, as though it belonged to someone you love?
You'll hear lots of ideas of how you might want to treat your body with more care and support. All the small actions, done consistently over time, always yield great results. None of it happens overnight.
Who we are and who we are becoming are always made up of thousands of little acts, fueled by little thoughts and feelings that we have every day.
You matter. Your health and well-being matter. You are the best one (and only one) who can truly take care of YOU.
For information about the private Confidence Course for teens, book a complimentary info call here:
or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I have found that most of my confidence stems from having learned how to manage what's going on inside my own head.
It's not unlike how kids gain confidence as they learn to do things for themselves, like brushing their teeth or tying their shoes.
It's empowering and exciting to gain this kind of ability and responsibility.
Obviously, gaining the ability and responsibility to manage our physical needs is entirely different from taking responsibility to manage our minds; it doesn't happen intuitively, and we certainly aren't taught how.
In this episode, we discuss how our experiences are always being created in OUR minds, and therefore OUR minds have the ability to shift our experiences, if we want to.
We don't have to live at the effect of situations and people and things outside of us. It's within our power to create something different, if we want to. THIS generates confidence.
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I would love your topic requests and questions!
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Did you know that our relationships really only exist in our minds? Not in a voo-doo way, but in a this-is-how-we-experience each other kind of way.
It's in our heads.
When we have a great relationship, it's because of what's going on in our mind. When we have a terrible relationship, it's also because of what's going on in our mind. (...It's how we are experiencing it...)
Hold up... I know you want to dispute this and tell me a story about someone who really wronged you, or dispute this idea with stories of horrible acts.
I'm not saying that other people's actions aren't part of the equation; I'm only saying that if we want to feel peaceful or good or anything else when it comes to our relationships, it's an option.
A few points discussed in this episode are:
(along with lots of great thoughts for feeling better in our relationships)
1. Our relationships exist in our minds, and therefore can be anything we want them to be.
2. Our feelings are ours, and we are the only one that feels them. Other people don't get to experience our anger or love or anything else. WE do. If we feel like a victim to our anger (like we don't have a choice in the matter), then we are giving our power to something outside of us.
3. Love always feels the best, and it’s always an option. If you want to get there and just can’t find loving thoughts about someone, you can ask Heavenly Father to show you what makes them lovable, and He will show you.
Say hi to me sometime! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll say hi back. :)
Is there an area of your life that you would like to see improvement?
Here's a tip: confidence enhances everything (...and likewise, a lack of confidence weakens things that would be strong).
The kind of confidence that really serves us is not boastful or better-than; it's simply confidence in being the person that God created us to be and, trusting ourselves to be that person in all situations and circumstances.
In this episode, I share thoughts that give me confidence and help me be more of who I want to be, as well as my personal strategy that you can use to generate more confidence for yourself.
I would love to hear your confidence mantra!
Email me at email@example.com to share yours, and I'll share it in the next episode.
Do you struggle to be kind to yourself?
In this episode, we discuss our beliefs about ourselves and how they impact our life experience. I share personal story from my life as a teenager, a college student, and as an adult that illustrate how beliefs about myself played out in various circumstances.
Choosing to believe in my own innate goodness has completely changed how I experience my life, and helped me to be kind to myself. It's such a relief!
Listen for two ways you can develop kindness toward yourself, and change what you are experiencing in your life for the better.
[This is part 1 in a series of mindsets that have made a big difference in my life.]
In this episode, we discuss what and why we avoid, and how we can gain power to face and overcome our own "monsters," and gain confidence to do/become/create whatever we want to.
Listen to hear about a recent dream of mine that vividly taught me this lesson, as well as one gigantic thing I have been avoiding!
To reach me, email firstname.lastname@example.org
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The scriptures teach that the first and great commandment, upon which all the other commandment hang, is to LOVE. Love the Lord thy God, and love thy neighbor as thyself.
All the commandments hang on this one commandment: to love.
If you were asked: what prevents us from feeling love or what gets in the way of feeling loving (whether toward others or toward ourselves), what would you say?
My first thought was that the barrier to love must be the opposite of love, which we might say is hate. That makes sense logically; hate certainly doesn’t leave space for love.
But I think there’s something a lot sneakier and more subtle than hate, that prevents us from feeling loving. It’s judgement.
In this episode, we discuss why judgement can be so problematic, how love is the answer, PLUS two ways to experience more love for yourself.
You'll also get an inside view of my marriage as I share experiences with my husband that illustrates this concept.
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In this episode, we discuss how DOing the "right" things is very different from BEing someone who wants to. We discuss how this applies to our spiritual well-being as well as to our physical health.
Doing things and checking boxes is NOT the same as BEING someone who naturally chooses to.
The feelings driving what we are DOing MATTER.
We may be doing all the "right" things, but if it's driven from frustration or resentment, we will have a very different experience than if we are doing them from love and hope and desire. Ultimately, our feelings behind all our actions is what generates our results.
For example, it's easier to say a prayer, than it is to BE someone who is engaged in prayer.
It's easier to skip sugar for a day, than to BE someone who doesn't even want it.
Our goal is to BE rather than to DO.
As we BE someone who chooses supportive actions from a place of desire and hope and love, THAT is when the actions become part of who we are, and we receive the real benefits of DOing.
We are all a work in progress, and I believe we are all doing our best (even if our best is terrible).
"Do the best you can until you know better; when you know better, do better." -Maya Angelou
Multiple requests for more on gut-health, and you got it!
Jonell Francis was the first person I thought of to share with you her vast knowledge and resources in the scope of gut-health.
Twenty years ago, Jonell healed from chronic pain, inflammation, and auto-immune disease. Since then, she has helped thousands of others become pain free and healthy again.
Jonell shares her personal story of health problems that triggered her journey to find answers; at one point her prayers changed from "please make this go away and heal me" to "show me the way."
This lead her to becoming a gut "queen" with an amazing protocol that is helping people all around the world. (Go to https://myfeelgoodfoods.com/?wpam_id=81 for more info.)
We talk about why gut health is important, how gut problems may manifest, and the epidemic of disease on the rise that can largely be solved (or at least largely reduced) by giving our guts what they need.
Jonell also explains how chemical responses to emotions (like fight-or-flight) in our bodies affect the Ph of our bowel lining; these chemical changes can destroy friendly bacteria.
"Buffing up our mind-sets and learning how to better manage our emotions is VERY important to gut health."
"It behooves us all to learn how to walk more peaceably with each other, how to forgive more quickly, and how to regularly de-junk negative emotions that might have been caught there inside our being."
Learn more about Jonell's Re-boot protocol here:
Book a FREE session with Michelle here:
Do you sometimes wonder if you should be happier than you are? Does it seem like everyone else is having a better life experience than you are?
The truth is, we ALL struggle.
Even if you are beautiful and have a billion dollars... all humans struggle.
For me (and probably for you too), it's daily.
Thinking that we "should" be happier, will NEVER help us to FEEL happier.
In fact, believing that feels TERRIBLE, like something is wrong. It's like we have been robbed of our ability to feel happy or that our happiness is outside of our control. Not good, and not true.
Three things to understand, that I find really helpful when I'm curled in a ball crying from negative emotion:
1. Negative emotion doesn't mean anything about me is wrong or flawed. It's simply a physiological response in my body from thoughts (often triggered by something unconscious).
2. Negative emotion is part of the plan and part of the process of life. Growing and stretching doesn't feel good, but it's part of the deal if we are going to progress. We are designed to handle it.
3. As soon as I'm done physically processing the emotion, I can redirect my mind to thoughts that are useful. This is one way I practice kindness toward myself (by allowing negative emotion when needed, not beating myself up over it or making it mean anything painful, and then choosing what I really want to think and feel).
To get help with your struggles, book a free session with me!
We all have human identities and eternal identities, and the two don't always match up.
The goal of this podcast is to deepen our understanding our our eternal identities (intentionally choosing to believe in our inherent value and goodness), so that we can practice living our lives as that version of ourselves.
"We become what we want to be, by being what we want to become each day." -Elder Hales, General Conference October 2010
Living from our belief in our eternal identities helps us exercise our agency to act instead of react-- to BE who we want to be, in all circumstances.
This episode is unique: it is the audio extraction from a video that was submitted as part of a speaker application for BYU Education Week, and therefore the content is intended for people who would attend that event.
Do you feel like outside forces are bossing your life?
This episode can help you claim all the power to live the life you really want to!
For purposes of this discussion, the experience of our lives will be reduced to thoughts, feelings, & actions.
THREE crucial pieces to understand:
1. First is awareness of how WE are creating our current experience. Unless we understand our role in creating what we are experiencing, we won't see any options for shifting it.
2. Next, is choosing WHO we believe we are, at the level of our identities. If we believe we are inherently flawed, then we will operate in flawed ways. If we believe that we are inherently good, we become capable of operating that way.
WHO we believe we ARE, is HOW we will operate.
3. The final piece is to practice BEING what we want to BECOME. It takes time to truly internalize, shift, and become masterful at BEING the person we want to be. It takes daily practice.
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1.) we are often unaware of it &
2.) it always has to do with our MINDS (which is GREAT, because WE have the power to shift it)
Six ways it shows up:
1. "Auto-pilot" trumps "manual pilot." Our minds resist change because it takes effort, and our minds want to be efficient.
2. Change can feel scary, uncomfortable, or threatening to our identities.
3. We may feel conflicted with believing that we are enough, and telling ourselves we "should" be different. This feels contrary to self-acceptance.
4. Unhealthy habits serve a well-intended purpose; they are a functional strategy with a positive intention (and the best solution we have found so far).
5. Other people and things are more important than we are, and therefore our well-being doesn't take priority.
6. We think "I've been good & deserve" a little extra.
Smart water bottle I LOVE
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Brook Castillo's Minimum Baseline
I used to believe that if I was truly grateful, then I wouldn’t want anything beyond what I had.
I believed that if I wanted anything more, then that was a sign of ingratitude -- I wasn’t being grateful for what I had.
Now I believe that we can simultaneously be grateful for what we have, AND want more.
I believe we are wired for progress, and wanting more of anything good, isn't necessarily a problem.
In fact, this is how we are taught to pray: first we give thanks, then we ASK. We are taught to be grateful AND want more.
THREE journal prompts to help you see how your mind may be operating:
1. What do you want?
(VERY important to be honest with yourself; no judging or editing your brain! Get as specific as you can; avoid broad statements like "I want to be healthy.")
2. What will having that do for you?
(What do you want to FEEL, and can you imagine feeling it now?)
3. What advice would your future self (who already has the result), tell you?
Most of us have thoughts like "I didn't get enough done today," or "I didn't get enough sleep" or "I'm not a good enough____" (fill in the blank). Believing that we never have enough of something (or that WE aren't enough) is totally draining, AND it's OPTIONAL.
Choosing to believe that we are enough, we have enough, and that we are doing enough is such a relief, and it actually drives energy, creativity, love, peace, and acceptance.
In this episode, I share a couple of personal stories that illustrate how this has come up for me, and how changing my thoughts to believe in enough has made all the difference.
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We generally agree on a lot of "shoulds" such as:
-we should eat healthy foods
-we should exercise
-people should be nice
When we believe something or someone "should" be different, then we often feel frustrated or resentful or disconnected or even angry.
Believing anything or anyone "should" be different, can be a problem if we don't ultimately want to FEEL the way we do (it can be helpful to question our well-intended "shoulds.")
What is the upside to thinking that someone or something (including ourselves) "should" be different? Does it serve me to believe that?
Choosing to believe that everyone (including me) is exactly how they are supposed to be, really serves me; it helps me to access love and kindness, compassion, and empathy, rather than resisting who they ARE being.
Same principle applies to ourselves; if we think we should be different in any way, it makes it challenging to have kindness and compassion on ourselves.
Book a FREE session: https://mycoachmichelle.as.me/
Having a healthy body is NOT what makes us valuable. We just already ARE.
We are not our bodies (we have value with or without them).
What a relief! Our value is always there, always intact, no matter what is or isn't going on with our bodies.
However this belief can have a trap:
If our value stays the same, no matter the condition of our body, then why make any efforts to improve it?
I suggest that we maintain our health because our bodies ALSO have value and worth (not because doing so makes US more valuable... it doesn't).
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When I tell people that I'm a Health Coach, they tend to look confused, not knowing exactly what that means (...do you create meal plans or exercise plans? Nope!)
In this episode, I explain why my focus (and passion) is habit change, and how many "behind the scenes" pieces play a roll in creating new behaviors that last.
I am currently looking for 8 young ladies (approximately ages 17-22) to coach privately in my newly created program just for them! If you or a young lady you know would like to try a FREE mini-session, click the link below and book a spot while they are still available:
This is a concept that became really clear to me on one particular rebellious morning; I discovered that everything I thought I "had" to do, was actually optional, and I actually could do whatever I wanted.
As I played out all my newly found options, I discovered that I actually wanted to do everything on my "have-to" list.
This may be true in many areas of our lives, and certainly when it comes to how we take care our physical health. We don't HAVE to eat a certain way or DO anything to be healthy, but if we play out the alternatives, maybe we actually WANT to.
This episode also discusses having a compelling reason, owning our choices (with all the natural consequences they bring), focusing on what we want rather than what we DON'T, and being loyalty to yourself.
Gut health is where it's AT! It influences EVERYTHING about our health and even our mental health.
Listen as I share how and why I became fascinated with beneficial microorganisms, and some of the benefits I have experienced from adding them to my life.
GUT: The Inside Story of our Body's Most Underrated Organ by Giulia Enders
Gut healing companies I trust:
We might think that frustration or body-hate will motivate us to make changes for the better, but this isn't true at all.
Living with body-hate actually causes us to take LESS care for our bodies, not more.
If we value our bodies, and truly get to place of love and gratitude for them, THAT is when we truly treat our bodies with care, and take actions that support it.
Learning to tune in to body signals and honor them is the best way to build your relationship with your body, gain energy and live in a way that supports the life you want.
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Our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves has a HUGE impact on the choices we make, the habits we create for ourselves, and how we function in the world.
It's easy to think that our value can go up and down, and that some people are more valuable than others.
This is a lie, and believing it can cause us to treat ourselves as less-than.
When we understand and believe in our value, we will live in a way that supports that belief. This is how we become our best selves, and learn to live and operate as such.
My water bottle obsession:
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It is soooo helpful to understand that there is a difference between YOU and your BRAIN. In this episode, we dive into how our brains tend to function, why it's so helpful to understand, and how it may show up in your life.
Understanding this has been a true game-changer!
I love food. It's a great way to avoid feeling negative emotion. BUT, I also know that living as my best self requires BECOMING someone who knows what to do with emotions, even though it doesn't feel good. (Food isn't the answer, danggit!)
In this episode, I share stories about my emotions, how I have allowed them to process, and ways YOU can be the BOSS of your response to the emotions in your life.
Thoughts are the birthplace for everything we experience in our lives (wether or not we are aware of it). As we gain awareness of how our minds are generating our experiences, we also gain authority to generate something different, if we want to.
In this episode, I share my real-life before and after story of how my mind has created my experiences, and how understanding this has changed literally EVERYTHING for me.
Do you ever wish that your body could look and feel the way you want it to, without needing to change any habits or engage in different actions? Ya. I get it.
BUT, what if we actually wanted to make changes to our actions, fueled from care and love and honor for our bodies? What if we were so grateful for our bodies, that we genuinely wanted to choose actions that help it function at it's best?
In this episode, you'll discover how and why shifting what you want and need may be the missing piece. It happens to be the SECRET to habit change.
Before we dive into full episodes, I wanted to give you full disclosure of where I’m coming from, what my purpose and passion is, and why I’m even creating this podcast.
If you’re going to get to know me, you will know that I am greatly influenced by my faith and my relationship to God. I believe that God is my Father in Heaven, and that He loves me, and I love Him.
I also believe that His purpose for me is to become the fullest version of who I am, as His daughter.
Because I understand that we all have agency to choose, all I actually have control over is ME. And as I work to be the best ME, I want to grow the strengths that He has given me; I believe one of my strengths is understanding truth, and teaching it.
So, my purpose is to assist Heavenly Father with His purpose of becoming the fullest version of who I am, by using my agency to take actions each day that expand my love, my God-given strengths, and my influence as I feel guided from above.
More on my passion in episode!
Welcome! In this intro episode you'll learn what I used to believe about being healthy and how those beliefs have changed. You'll see how my effort to not obsess caused me to totally obsess. I love the process of figuring out how to create our life experience, and I want to help YOU be the BOSS of yours!