mindset over bullshit with Kendrick Avant

MS Diary | Monday, 4/15/24 | DRINK WATER REMINDER 

It's National That SUCKS Day and I'm starting with high spasticity. That SUCKS but I do have good news.

Dehydration causes muscle weakness, spasms, spasticity and more. Before I get too crazy, I'll drink water. A LOT of water.

MS Diary | Friday, 4/12/24 | Married with MS

I don't wanna even try further explaining. It'd take too long. I'd jack up writing with side stories and complicated testimonials.

MS Diary | Thursday, 4/11/24 | Laugh and keep going 

We've all heard the saying. 

“Sometimes, you gotta laugh at yourself and keep going.”

That was me. Hell, that IS me. Damn near eeeeevveeery day. I'm swanging and banging with Multiple Sclerosis, working a full-time gig, building a University of Gratitude and these disabilities will throw shit off.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 4/10/24 | Spasm stories

Yoo. I'm finally there. 

If I reach with my arms, I spasm. 

If I turn my neck in bed, I spasm. 

If I push too hard trying to pee, I spasm.

I spasm so hard that my pants often split from the pressure. 

MS Diary | Tuesday, 4/9/24 | How UTHealth workout felt

Wow. Bro, I went so hard I was sweating! That felt good. I can't remember the last time I was able to move that much. My wife was flirting with me. (That hyped me even more.) My energy was up so the Baclofen didn't knock me out or make me drowsy. I'm gonna try doing this 3x/week.

MS Diary | Monday, 4/8/24 | Weekend wins & lessons

I spent the entire weekend on the couch. It was glorious. I slept late then sat on the couch. It prevented some nerve pain. *fist bump* It's less pain from pressure spots too. I'm grateful I didn't get hurt either. I fell from bed twice. Once, I fell into the corner of the office desk. That HURT but I didn't get hurt. I fell during a transfer. That dinged my pride but whatever.

MS Diary | Friday, 4/5/24 | Stop overpacking your bowls

I'm an avid cannabis guy. Blunts, papers, wraps, edibles, tinctures, pipes, oils, ointments, everything. 

I prefer pipes. They're cleaner, efficient and effective. What I must watch is my bowl size. If I pack it, it gets jammed, doesn't smoke as well, nor am I any higher for real. I'm just wasting cannabis.

MS Diary | Thursday, 4/4/24 | When self-care goes wrong

I did a 2nd consecutive day of self-care. I showered so I could apply fresh ointment on pressure spots. I used the baby powder to ease th4 chaffing. I sat on the much softer couch to relieve some pain from the wheelchair seating. I researched and bought something for the wheelchair seat seat cushion that's splitting. Hell, I drank more water than alcohol so I could hydrate too!

I didn't do anything physical. No yoga. Not a stretch. Didn't put feet up. None of that. 

I start Thursday with serious nerve pain. Spasticity, spasms, leg quivering, oh I'm hurting. *sigh*

It may not be related but I jumping in Gabapentin and starting my exercise NOW.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 4/3/24 | Self-care revelation 

Yesterday, I realized something MAJOR with my wellness. I know I'm not the only one.

I only self-care when I'm alone. I'm sick AF. I'm severely disabled. I'm riddled with bullshit, disabilities, limitations, chronic pain, explanations for doing nothing. Yet, here I am. Here, WE are.

I'm married. I refuse to collapse in front of my wife. No way. The intense crush I wield for her is my theme music of survival. I'm always going forward when she's around, grinding, building, working, believing. It's tiresome.

I'm a father so there's no rest. Noooo. How? When? Where? The kids NEED shit. The kids didn't ask for this bullshit, don't deserve to miss out over MY limitations. I'm earning for them, growing, learning, improving, sacrificing. It's exhausting.

When I'm alone, no wife, kids gone, fam and friends busy. That's when I slow down. That's when I sleep, rest, pay attention to what hurts. It's the only time I self-care. 

MS Diary | Tuesday, 4/2/24 | Gabapentin vs left leg pain

On a scale of 1-10, my left leg is like a 5, maybe 6. It hits every few days. Gabapentin is my solution. I've labed it “working” because I take few pills and this seemed to address the pain within 30min.

MS Diary | Monday, 4/1/24 | I should be used to it

Alright, here we go with my 3rd week of training. I need help. Immediate help. 

I turned in my ADA paperwork on Friday. It's already an issue, as usual. The employer is worried I can't perform at expected levels. Whatever, I can. I need a little extra time but I'm ready.

MS Diary | Friday, 3/29/24 | Wins & Losses this week

This will be my new thing on Fridays. I'll share my wins & lessons. (I shouldn't be using the word “loss”. It's a mindset thing that I'm gonna bring back.)

Wins: Mindset is strong and accepted the employer-sponsored healthcare thing as manifestation for wellness.

Lessons: I didn't exercise, yoga, workout. I didn't hit water goals. Spasms and spasticity haven't improved at all. This will be my goal for next week.

MS Diary | Thursday, 3/28/24 | Decisions, decisions 

I only accepted this gig because it promoted employer healthcare. Blue Cross Blue Shield. 

The healthcare is $900 every 2-weeks. The paycheck is $1400 every 2-weeks. That means I'd bring home $500 or a $1000/mo. Then, I still pay 20% for my prescriptions after meeting a $3000 deductible. 

It won't work. No way. AND my major treatments aren't covered or in the formulary so those would be MY financial responsibilities. Over $100k/mo in medical treatments!! It won't work. NO way.

I will waive all coverage and continue what I'm doing. If this ain't manifestation, I don't know what it is. This is the Universe demanding I believe in me. 

Welp. Here. I. Go. Swanging and banging,  on the 1s and 2s…

MS Diary | Wednesday, 3/27/24 | Grateful how it's coming together 

I talk a LOT of shit. It's true, sincere, informative but I'm going to share.

In the great debate of medicine vs. wellness, I'm clearly siding with wellness. All my best experiences were with an intentional focus on yoga, diet, water, cannabis, sage, mindset… It was glorious. 

When I switched to Western Medicine, things changed. Don't get me wrong. I tried Western Medicine because I knew my Multiple Sclerosis was drastically “improving”. My health was dramatically declining. 

Results? I can't think of anything positive. Nothing, none, nada. That's why I've wanted to reverse course, go back to Wellness but it's soooo hard. Now that I'm physically worse, it's crazy difficult starting, damn near impossible to keep going.

Then, my homie paid for a MS Gym subscription. Wow. I'm still blown away. Next, the UT Volunteer Program chose me for its Wellness program. I get armbike, weights, bands, videos, instructions, weekly meetings with medical professionals, it's amazing!

*deep breathe*

Manifestations are happening. Blessings are aligning. 

Pressure is a MF.

If it is to be, it's all on me.

MS Diary | Monday, 3/25/24 | Dysphagia. It's here now.

I first experienced dysphagia last year. I'm getting it more and more. 

It's scary. Something about struggling to breathe throws you off your game. I'm using breathing exercises to manage it. 

Breathing exercises vs dysphagia - Dysphagia is my most recently developed symptom. It's also my scariest. It feels like my body forgets how to swallow. Not just solids, I'm struggling with liquid and AIR. It freaks everyone out which freaks me out even more. Freaking out, panicking during breathing is never a good thing. Saturday night, I tried something new. I put hands over my head and began breathing exercises. Inhale 1-2-3-4 (Stomach expands! That's the magic. It's kinda opposite of what you'd expect.). Exhale 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 (Stomach goes IN.). The dysphagia didn't last as long as normal. I didn't try eating anymore but yes, I kept drinking. Doing forward, this is my treatment to keep calm, stay relaxed, focused on what I can control. *fingers crossed*

MS Diary | Friday, 3/22/24 | My wins & losses this week

I'm late y'all! No time for description

MS Diary | Thursday, 3/21/24 | Give yourself grace

I'm not the only one grappling with sacrifice and worth. It's one of the reasons I started this blog and promote motivation to Tribespeople. I tend to think there's no point in wasting money to better my life. 

LIES! There IS a point. If nothing else, taking better care of myself/yourself gives us strength to continue self-sacrificing.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 3/20/24 | Wheelchair dilemma 

I'm using two power wheelchairs. The Zinger Power Wheelchair is best for my symptoms but doesn't roll well. The Dalton Power Wheelchair runs the smoothest.

The dilemma is the activity of switching. Is it worth it? Switching chairs increases spasms. It slows me down with restroom trips; increasing likelihood of accidents.

MS Diary | Tuesday, 3/19/24 | How the MS Gym helps

It was started for people with Multiple Sclerosis. It's helping me manage my left leg nerve pain. I can't do most of the exercises because I'm severely disabled. What I CAN do is incorporate the use of balls, rollers and more. Those tools seem to be effective.

MS Diary | Monday, 3/18/24 | The left leg hip & nerve pain is back

OMG. It is. It's back with a vengeance. Wow. I have a plan to throw activity at it. That's really my resolution. I have a MS Gym subscription my activity will be guided.

I do have good news. The neck and shoulders are dramatically improved. Huuuuge difference.

MS Diary | Friday, 3/15/24 | My FIRST Wheelchair Routine 

I don't know what took me so long to try this buuuu… *thinking face* Wait, yes I do. I wasn't in as much pain. Now that I am, I'm experimenting with all the things I skipped before. 

The Wheelchair Routine will be simple yet it's gonna be work. The Dalton Power Wheelchair will be the everyday, household, wheelchair. It has its drawbacks but there never was posture pain like this. 

I'll use the Zinger Power Wheelchair (BEST one I've ever used!) as my office desk chair. The Zinger Power Wheelchair is severely jacked up. The wheel stems are bent which makes going and turning a regular no. I can fit at my desk and sit on multiple booty cushions. 

Finally, the Rubicon World's Lightest Electric Wheelchair is just for traveling. That mug has caused all these new issues but I refuse to stuck at home. No way. It has its purpose. *fist bump* 

This ain't no life for the weak. You and I are constantly remixing and adapting to whatever is going on around us and IN us. That's why I share my gratitude journal everyday. Maybe what I'm doing help what you're doing.

MS Diary | Thursday, 3/14/24 | Time for emergency moves

Yes, I feel better in general. Yes, I'm sleeping a little longer. Yes, I'm not tracking sleep or nerve pain.

However, these are now emergency measures I'm taking. The pain is rocking my way of life. I'm dropping stuff outta muscle weakness. The neck/collar/shoulder pain is getting more intense and its affecting both sides plus my chest and swallowing.

I'm scheduled for medical appointments but immediately, I'm switching chairs as soon as the wife or kids wake up.

This ain't no life for the weak. 

MS Diary | Wednesday, 3/13/24 | 7 hours of sleep

O. M. G. I slept 4hr, restroom break, 3hrs. I feel like I have superpowers! *fingers crossed* I'm scared to write more because I believe in jinxes. 

Instead, 😉, let me inform y'all about mindset OVER bullshit. I'll be on IG LIVE this Thursday, tomorrow, 3/14/24, 6pm. I invite you to rock with me, let's do Gratitude stories together. 

I'm only here to inspire, educate and entertain Wheelchair Users and Tribespeople!

MS Diary | Tuesday, 3/12/24 | I feel GREAT

Really, I do. *rolls shoulders* Let's do this.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 3/6/24 | I slept 3.5hrs between trips

Tribespeople!! I sit before you with GOOD news. I slept 3.5hrs between restroom trips. That's only the 2nd time this year. I believe it is repeatable too. 

Oxybutynin, take a bow. You da real MVP (Most Valuable Pill).

🤜🏾🤛🏾🥂

MS Diary | Friday, 3/8/24 | I give up on Oxybutynin 

I'm terrified writing this because I fear manifesting the finality. Oxybutynin ain't helping me sleep. In two weeks, I had two 3.5hr naps. That's it. Three. 

Meanwhile, I'm so highly cognizant of how little sleep I'm getting that it feels like losing. All day, I'm aware of my losses with sleep. All day, I'm thinking restroom trips, counting, timing, tracking, reporting, talking. It's overwhelming. I'm done. I quit. I'm on to other symptoms. 

MS Diary | Thursday, 3/7/24 | The confusing part of MS

I haven't done my yoga routine in days. The good thing is I haven't had the left hip pain in days either. Are the two truly correlated? That's the CONFUSING part.

I didn't sleep longer than an hour and a half but I took the double dose of Oxybutynin. Maybe a double dose isn't the problem. If not, I'm out of ideas and gotta schedule more medical appointments. That's the CONFUSING thing about all this.

So many times, it's heartbreaking to realize nothing you do consistently affects your MS symptoms. The good stuff doesn't last. The bad shit returns, with an attitude of invincibility. 

You don't wanna give up. You don't wanna waste time. It's freaking CONFUSING.

MS Diary | Tuesday, 3/5/24 | Oxybutynin update

This is week 2, day 7. So far, 30mg Oxybutynin results in less restroom trips while I'm awake. At night? It doesn't. Hell, I do get more blank trips and I'm hoping it will even out.

MS Diary | Monday, 3/4/24 | Find the GOOD in life

It's been an awful weekend. I mean it. Awful. I'm rocking the good part. I haven't used the bathroom in six hours. That's huge when I normally go every 2hrs.

Nope, I'm not talking about DMTs or treating yourself with diet and exercise. I'm talking about working vs. not working. 

That's the dilemma presented to me yesterday. 

One, don't work, treat myself with diet, exercise, wellness. (I mean, not working means no money for insurance.)

Two, put myself through hellacious pain, nightmarish symptoms at a breakneck pace for whatever pennies I'm tossed.

This ain't no life for the weak. 

Kendrick Reviews: Mea Culpa (Netflix, 2024)

It was worth the watch. I'm a huge fan of Tyler Perry so none of the plot twists shocked me. I anticipated some backstabbing. I was thirsty for the strong, Black woman. 

What impressed me was the acting and actors. Every role was played to the T. Kelly Rowland shined. This film was about the excellence of execution. Great work.

MS Diary | Thursday, 2/29/24 | 2nd results of 30mg Oxybutynin 

I hope I'm not trippin. On day 2 (30mg Oxybutynin is the maximum dosage), I went to the bathroom MORE. I told my wife but she stayed quiet. 

During the daylight hours, I went pretty consistently, every 2hrs. There was no break, no dry visits, every two hours. That's not normal. Usually I'm making restroom trips liiiiiike, 1 every 3 or 4. I was tired AF by mid-day. My arms ached from all the transitions. 

Then, here comes night. I stayed at the 1trip/2hrs pace. There was one dry run and I returned within an hour. That's actually pretty normal. 

I hoped Oxybutynin would slow down my restroom trips at night. Instead, day 2, it's making my day trips increase to match the night pace. I'm not quitting! Just reporting. 

MS Diary | Wednesday, 2/28/24 | 1st results of 30mg Oxybutynin 

I'm disappointed. I wanted hours of sleep after my first 30mg dose of Oxybutynin. It didn't happen. I'm not giving up! No way. It's just the first quarter of a new game. *rolls shoulders* Matter of fact, let me go take it now.

MS Diary | Tuesday, 2/27/24 | GOOD news!

Nevermind the how. Today, I'm popping the legal limit of 30mg Oxybutynin. The reason is simple. Doubling up my intake should lessen my daily restroom trips.🤞🏾🤞🏾

MS Diary | Monday, 2/26/24 | Weekend woes

I came into the weekend on a warm streak. I started strong with yoga, exercise, meditation to manage nerve pain in left leg. It worked too.

This week will be much the same. I didn't continue the wellness routines I started. Now, I'm back to square one. Hope the process works again.

MS Diary | Friday, 2/23/24 | I manifested this…

I've been really focused on the left leg pain. SO focused, I manifested a way to slow the pain. Suddenly, the Rubicon World's Lightest Electric stopped charging. That means I can't use it. Now, I'm back to Optimus Prime. Now, a familiar pain. *sigh*

This ain’t no life for the weak.

MS Diary | Thursday, 2/22/24 | What I Learned…

Aight, the left leg is not solved BUT I gotta hot lead. Another Wheelchair User commented she had similar pains. The problem ended up being the WHEELCHAIR! 

Apparently, if you're wheelchair-bound, the wheelchair must be measured and set by your specifications. If not, your seating position affects your body. 

My wife confirmed the story with hospital tales. I thought this earlier but kept my fingers crossed. 

What will I do? More yoga. I only did one AM yoga session yesterday. That's why I believe the leg pain was active last night. Yoga is outside the wheelchair, less time in whatever bad seating angle. Also, probably gonna switch back to the Dalton power wheelchair for daily use.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 2/21/24 | Left leg pain day 3

I did an AM and PM yoga session for relief. Straight legs are difficult to perform but it definitely lowers the new pain. I'm taking Tizanidine too. It gives no pain relief but it does help me sleep. 

Sleep is paramount to my daily efficiency. I gotta sleep so I can think clearly when making wellness decisions. 

MS Diary | Tuesday, 2/20/24 | Treating the left leg pain

I'm taking it serious. Yesterday, I threw 1200mg of Ibuprofen. Didn't work Baclofen. No help. Tizanidine. Nope. 

I did 3 rounds of yoga, morning, noon, night. I think it helped. The pain hit in shorter episodes. When it started, if I did yoga, it would subside. It kicks back after I stop.

*grits teeth* Today, I'm rocking Tizanidine and finished yoga. The Tizanidine has me falling asleep in my wheelchair and while holding poses. 

This is going to be a challenge. 

MS Diary | Monday, 2/19/24 | Now, it's serious 

I've admitted to this pain before. Over the last few months, I've thought it was nerve pain, new spasms, muscle weakness, sciatica. At some point, I blamed my sleeping position. 

It's a combination of everything. This finally hit priority status because it's 3 straight days. My plan? No doctor yet. I think if I do more yoga and exercise, I can lessen the intensity. As of this post, I've done 30min. I'll do another 30 before bed.

MS Diary | Friday, 2/16/24 | We've survived everything thrown at us!

Tribespeople. Wheelchair Users. Don't EVER forget that we have survived. We are still here. Despite all the bullshit, we're here.

You know that means something. That means we're CHAMPIONS! We've always found a way to keep going. We've always found a way to adapt. We've found a way even if we didn't want a way.

THAT means something. 

MS Diary | Thursday, 2/15/24 | Check out ginaovercomes.com! 

My writings are medicine for my mental health. The blog educates, entertains and inspires.

That's why I'm sharing ginaovercomes.com. Her stories shine light unto the darkness of disabilities. Wow. Great stuff.

MS Diary | Wednesday, 2/14/24 | About that nerve pain…

Nerve pain is 2nd only to back pain but I'm aware it can be worse. I can meditate to manage nerve pain. It takes serious focus but I can do it.

As soon as I do anything else, it stomps back. Yikes. I can't tap out on Valentines so pills on deck.

MS Diary | Monday, 2/12/24 | How the Super Bowl motivated me

The Chiefs stopped all the high-powered, fancy smancy, offensive stuff. Instead, they focused on key players and great defense. It's working. 

Our defense against chronic illnesses, disabilities and limitations is our wellness. It's our daily regimen, yoga, exercise, water, diet. These activities slow the effects of whatever disables us. 

Our offense is mindset. We can reset tough days by resetting stressors. We score everytime we shake dark thoughts to smile and shine. Nothing else is needed for the wIn except to smile and shine.

MS Diary | Friday, 2/9/24 | New NP for MS

*makes muscle* Medicaid appointments are what you make em. I tried to find a plan that my previous PCP accepted but nothing was in my budget. So, here comes the next medical team, starting with a NP to update ADA paperwork. Hopefully, he'll have ideas on sleeping, nerve pain and my feet. 

MS Diary | Thursday, 2/8/24 | I didn't meet my water goal

I'm an honest guy. I didn't meet my water goal. I doubt I increased water intake at all. As a result, I continued to have blank restroom trips. 

MS Diary | Wednesday, 2/7/24 | Why I'm increasing my water intake

The blank restroom trips are becoming a regular thing. I can't have that. To decrease blank restroom trips, I'm going to drink water. The goal is 100oz. That should help with energy and settle my face.

MS Diary | Tuesday, 2/6/24 | Where is mindset OVER bullshit podcast?

I knoooow. I'm working my business plan steps y'all. I am! I appreciate the questions about the mindset OVER bullshit podcast. I have NOT quit it. I'm making significant changes, updating logos, prioritizing the blog.

The podcast is intended to be an Instrument of self-improvement. I'm modeling gratitude journaling, showcasing tools of mindset OVER bullshit and leading my Tribespeople towards the G.O.D. Squad. 

It will return. It will start as a weekend podcast, Saturday and Sunday releases. Until then…

◇ I publish the MS Diary on weekdays on the podcast. 

◇ I publish Motivational & Inspirational videos on the YouTube channel. 

◇ I publish a new Gratitude Journal blog everyday.

MS Diary | Monday, 2/5/24 | Power vs. Electric wheelchairs

I've had a great weekend. Daughter's birthday went well. Parents sent me another wheelchair. Slept 3hrs in single session. I even learned something valuable. 

The difference between power and electric wheelchairs. It definitely impacts your lifestyle and makes sense of capabilities. The biggest difference?

Electric wheelchairs struggle with carpet. Don't let the pictures and speed claims fool you!

I didn't believe stuff like this until I became severely disabled. I'm waaaay happier in the head now, father that listens, husband that spoils. It's different on this side. *bows* 

#mindset #perspective #mentalhealth #keepgoing #dontstopbelieving #youmatter #disability #disabled #limitations #chronicillness #chronicpain #autoimmunedisease #multiplesclerosis #wheelchair #wheelchairlife