'mnyama tsu

As I'm almost putting this chapter to bed, I needed to share some unsolocited wisdom from my more toxic encounters with relationships. I hope it gives you the reminder you need to choose yourself.

Talking about situationships, relationships, breakups and breakthroughs.

"Segz" "Ucansi" "Tlof Tlof" "Izimanga" - Are terms used to euphemise everything about sex in my language. Listen as I unpack my first experience, consent or lack thereof.

Growing up, the phrase "Mnyama Tsu" which means "very dark or very black" had always been an obstacle in my developing self-esteem. It shaped me as much as it shamed me. Because words are powerful, I have stripped it of its intended meaning to rather be a positive affirmation. My skin is not a sin. My skin is not a sin. My skin is not a sin. This skin, this tone, this shade, is a blessing.

I lost my father to cancer a few months ago, and although we were very open I couldn't bring myself to share our connection at his funeral. In my culture, organising a funeral can be tiring where you're aren't given time to yourself to grieve the loss. There's always something to do. You need to call relatives, write the obituary, nurse egos, tend to the visitors, attend prayer evenings, finalise details, pick out his final outfit, listen to people saying that this too shall pass - it can get a little suffocating. So here I am, months later and finally able to write about the father he was and will always be.