When in the Course of podcast events, it becomes necessary for one podcast to dissolve the digital bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of hostkind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
But we're still not going to.
Calm down. You're safe now. There's no war in the Monday Thursday Power Hour. The Monday Thursday Power Hour remains a peaceful, orderly utopia... the last one on the internet. There is no war within the walls. Here, we are safe. Here, we are free.
Hi my name is Monday Thurs'day Power Hour and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Reply All (AN: if u don’t know what that is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to the Maximum Fun network but I wish I was because it's a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white, but i am not straight (still white though). I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Anchor on the internet where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Pocket Casts and I buy all my podcast episodes from there. For example today I was wearing a black RSS feed with matching lace around it and a black leather episode description, pink earbuds and black ads for mattresses. I was wearing black Audacity, white time.is, black metadata and red background noise. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of YouTube channels stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
You all know the mission and what is at stake. I have come to trust each of you with my life, but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns.
We are trained for podcasts. We would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes: Alcohollaback Girl, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or Original Sinn, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are. Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers. Our influence stopped the written word, but before that, we held the line. Our influence stopped the streaming video, but before that, we held the line!
Our influence will stop TikTok! in the battle today, we will hold the line!
Hold your ground, hold your ground. Children of Radio, of the Internet, my siblings. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of podcasts fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of written word and streaming video, when the age of podcasts comes crashing down, but it is not this day. This day we fight! For all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Podcasts of the Internet!
This podcast! Yeah Woo! Let's go
This podcast is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gon' make you loose your mind (wooo!)
Everybody just have a good time
This podcast is in the house tonight (ooww!) Everybody just have a good time
And we gon' make you loose your mind (yeah!)
We just wanna see you...
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for YouTube, I can tell you I don't have video. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people who hate the audio format. If you listen to this podcast now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will tell you that you probably made the right decision.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. There was once a podcast episode called the Monday Thursday Power Hour Ep 2: Back at It Again at the Krispy Kreme (ft. Liz MacDonald). It was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise it could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. It had such a knowledge of the dark side that it could even keep the ones it cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. It became so powerful, the only thing it was afraid of was losing its power, which eventually, of course, it did. Unfortunately, it taught its apprentice, Ep 3, everything it knew, then its apprentice killed it in its sleep. Ironic. It could save others from death, but not itself.
Howdy hey campers. In this episode, we say things. Some things happen. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and maybe you'll learn a little something on the way. Just remember, the journey is more important than the destination, so don't stop believing.