The Lifeatarian

Show Notes: The Gift   In this episode, Monique shares her another one of her life-altering experiences, encapsulated by the theme: “The gift was a miracle and the bow was a bandage.” Monique met Ruben in the Spring of 2010. There was an immediate spark, and something beyond friendship quickly developed. Of all the things they had in common, the main trait that the couple shared was “a mutual desire for success, happiness, and love.” The story begins as Monique recalls a minor eye surgery she had to have at Grady Hospital, which she tried to conceal from Ruben. That was not about to happen—Ruben was there with her at the follow-up appointment. Monique’s embarrassment was highlighted by the fact that the physician did not hold back in saying that she was losing her eyesight at a very rapid pace. She was referred to the Center for the Visually Impaired to “begin training immediately.” In short, Monique and Ruben had just learned, out of left field, that she was going blind. Monique left the hospital crying uncontrollably. She impulsively told Ruben that perhaps it was time to call off their relationship. Calmly, Ruben simply said, “Woman, I already love you. I’m not going nowhere. I got you.” Tears again; but this time, of joy. They were married 18 months after they met, on January 20, 2012. A dream was realized. A few years later, another dream became reality: Monique was able to visit West Africa during a study abroad trip. She regards one particular day of the trip as nothing short of miraculous. The group visited the Akonedi Shrine in Larteh. Once inside, an Akan priestess entered, offered up a prayer, and recounts her journey to becoming a priestess, along with the history of the shrine. Later, as the group took their leave, the priestess gently touched the right side of Monique’s face and spoke in her native language of Twi. “I did not understand what she said,” recalls Monique. “But I heard her.” The translator caught her as she exited the shrine, and mentioned that the priestess said, “Speak what you see.” During the rest of the bus ride home, Monique was silent, looking out the window, with tears streaming down her cheeks—impacted, yet unsure of exactly what the priestess meant. One week after returning to Atlanta, Georgia, Monique was to have a cataract removed from her right eye. After the operation, when her bandage was removed, Monique was surprised that she could see. Apparently, she was born with a rare genetic eye disorder called retinitis pigmentosa and, according to her medical team, there seemed to be no explanation to how she was able to see again after a simple cataract removal. Not only could Monique now see with both eyes, but she no longer had glaucoma. “I believe that the Akan priestess, known for performing miracles in that small village in Larteh, blessed my eyes, and for that, I am truly grateful.” 

https://www.nei.nih.gov/learn-about-eye-health/eye-conditions-and-diseases/retinitis-pigmentosa

http://www.mamiwata.com/akua.html

Show Notes: Lifeatarian - Family Affair

​In this episode, Monique presents an interview covering an incredible event that took place at her home in December 2019: a heartwarming reunion with her cousin Eugene, who had not seen his biological family for 58 years after being adopted.

​To start the interview, Monique introduces her long-lost cousin Eugene and his wife Sheila, along with Eugene’s brother Vincent and his aunt Rachel. Eugene reveals that it was Sheila who initially pushed him to go look for his biological family. He subsequently hired a private investigator, who got him back in touch with his siblings.

​Eugene pours out his love for Vincent—a type of bond that only brothers could ever share. He also expresses his admiration for Vincent’s wife and the authentic love that clearly binds them together as husband and wife.

Eugene admits that his love for his biological family is amplified on account of his being away from them for almost six decades. Initially, Eugene was reluctant to face his relatives once again for fear of being ostracized. However, he was welcomed back with open arms, which added to the depth of his admiration for them. He likens the experience to waking up from a coma. To any other black man who may eventually share Eugene’s experience of reuniting with their biological family, he advises them to “take it slowly.” It is important to ask questions and brace oneself for possible hurtful truths and reactions, as these are all part of the package for such an ordeal.

Aunt Rachel explains that, as her sister Connie was no longer around to welcome back Eugene, Rachel felt a responsibility to make the reunion a reality. She knew right away after hearing of Eugene’s search that he was her long-lost nephew. She wasted no time in facilitating the meeting between Eugene and his brothers, James and Vincent. She also explains that it was not only Connie, but Rachel’s other sister Margaret who put a child up for adoption. Rachel recounts the circumstances that led to these life-altering decisions, and her criticisms against the local legal system which, she believes, are the true forces that kept their family members apart for so long.

Sheila closes the conversation by emphasizing the role of love over both her and Eugene’s actions, all of which culminated in this emotional reunion. She pours herself out, thanking Eugene’s family for welcoming him back with such warmth and enthusiasm. The paramount importance Sheila places on family was what prompted her to motivate Eugene to go on this quest to find his biological relatives.

Show Notes: Lifeatarian - Unbeautiful

​In this episode, Monique recounts a gruesome childhood experience that, quite literally, scarred her for life. She recalls her four-year-old self attending her first day of school, enthusiasm overflowing. Arriving home later that day, as Monique regaled her amazing time in class, she accidentally provoked Sparky, a Doberman her mother was watching for a friend. The next thing she knew, the dog had ripped off the entire right side of her face.

Needless to say, Monique was rushed to the hospital where, for the next several hours, she experienced nothing but gasps of horror from everyone who looked upon her mangled face. After what seemed like an endless period of waiting, her mother, a police officer, finally arrived. Monique later learned that her mother had shot Sparky right before departing for the hospital.

For the next two months, the hospital became Monique’s home. In preparation for the surgery, she had to attend school at the hospital in the morning with the other sick children. Her mother would bring Monique dinner every day and stay with her until her daughter fell asleep.

It took extensive reconstructive cosmetic surgery to repair the damage done by Sparky. Following this harrowing experience, Monique had to endure the cruelty of other children who threw all manner of insults at her new unbeautiful face. But she quickly came to realize that “the cutting words of other children could only hurt me if I allow them to.” Inside, she allowed a little voice to repeatedly assure her that she was beautiful in her own unique way.

Monique did quite well after this incident up until her teenage years. By then, she needed a lot of self-assurance as only a teenager would require. She worked night and day to improve her appearance and perceived maturity. While this may seemingly have produced changes on the outside, her deep-seated insecurities meant that she was maintaining little more than a facade; and that this facade would eventually collapse. What’s more, the standards of faux-perfection perpetuated by pop culture only served to fuel her negative self-talk.

This self-loathing eventually turned outwards. She did not like herself; now she did not like other people. She developed a bad temper and negative attitude towards those around her. It took years of personal growth, nurtured by “the village of women who raised me”, before Monique could finally shed her destructive paradigm of herself.

Monique warns against the potentially harmful influence of media and mass marketing on our minds. The majority of what they preach is superficial and materialistic in nature—that those with the nicest cars, houses, and clothes win. Instead, Monique proclaims that we must embrace every feature about ourselves, as we were personally handcrafted by God. “You will always be imperfectly perfect just the way you are.”

Today, Monique talks about the dark side of love, or as she calls it, The Black Rose. We take a deep dive into a tragic moment in Monique’s first marriage, when, after 23-years, she lost her first husband to suicide. The day was Sunday November 26th, 2006, a day when Monique recalls in graphic detail, how she witnessed the sudden, final moment when her husband took his life with his own firearm. She shares the imagery and the screams of panic and chaos of the incident. Regardless of still having a pulse, her husband was pronounced dead shortly after the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Before she was able to even tell her children that their father was dead, she was taken into custody by law enforcement for over 5-hours of questioning and even after, had been officially declared as a suspect of murder. Monique shares her thoughts, feelings, effort, and work that went into moving on and going forward in life while mourning, worrying for her children, and even being investigated for murder. A cautionary tale of how you to can offer life, love, and light.  

 National Suicide Lifeline 800-273-TALK(8255) or Text “B-R-A-V-E” to 741741

https://www.flickr.com/photos/tonythemisfit/3481319452/

Topics Discussed and Key Points: 

● Monique’s challenges in raising 3 special needs children ● Dealing with the world around you when raising special needs children ● The importance of taking time for yourself 

● Lightening up in the face of adversity 

● Loving your kids in spite of all the challenges 

● How to ask for help when dealing with special needs children   Episode Summary: In this episode, Monique shares her difficult experiences with childbirth, including the grieving the loss of the children that she had hoped for so that she could learn to love the children that she actually had. Her children were born with disabilities, two of which, Tai and Devon, with cerebral palsy. Her third child, Al’Mir, was intubated for a long period following his birth, and remained on oxygen for a while thereafter, living at the NICU until he was five and a half months old. Monique recounts these experiences knowing that they are occurrences that most moms thankfully never have to go through. Monique never got to take any of her newborn children home immediately upon her discharge from the hospital and they remained completely dependent on their parents for the duration of their lives. Her children never had the usual milestones—raising their heads, crawling, walking, etc. These unfortunate experiences caused Monique to ask some tough questions of herself: Why did this happen to me? Is there something wrong with me? She has no history with drug abuse or heavy drinking. She lived a healthy lifestyle and prepared well for the birth of her children. Why were her children born the way they were? Monique can’t answer the whys and hows around her situation. Instead, she shares how she was able to move past her challenges, and her advice for other families going through similar circumstances. “These babies didn’t ask to come here. They didn’t ask you to be their parent. And they sure didn’t ask to come here with these disabilities that would separate them from most of the world and how it works.” The world can be a cruel place. What has kept Monique going after over three decades dealing with these challenges is her love for her children—disabilities and all. Monique points out that the “system” is broken, and so it takes an extraordinary amount of patience and extra planning to provide for your special needs children. But in spite of it all: “It is what it is.” Monique shares four pieces of advice: 1) You must take time for yourself. Parents feel understandably guilty if they leave their disabled children for even just a few minutes. But what good is your ability to care for them if you can’t even take care of yourself? You will implode if you don’t give yourself space to destress and refresh. 2) Don’t take yourself so seriously. When you’re working almost to exhaustion, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. You’ll never be the perfect parent to your special needs children. 3) Your kids want you to know that they’re just kids. This means that they simply want to be loved and nurtured. 4) Learn to ask for help. If you don’t have a lot of family to reach out to, don’t be afraid to contact your local agencies. Of these, Monique references United Cerebral Palsy, the Easter Seals Society, the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, and the National Autism Association. Find a support network as well if you can. It may be hard to ask for help; but it will make you realize that you aren’t alone in dealing with these issues. On the other hand, be the one to reach out to others who may need your help. In our introverted society, a single proactive, helping hand can make all the difference. Societal change starts with individuals connecting with other individuals, one by one. This evokes change through raising awareness of the conversations we need to have as a country.

Show Notes: Lifeatarian - Faith, Hope, Belief, Prayer

Topics Discussed and Key Points:

• What is faith, hope, belief, and prayer?
• Exploring the origins of your belief in God
• Are we engaged in “organic conversation” with God?
• Monique’s near-death experience and spiritual awakening

Episode Summary:

Monique begins today’s episode by directing our attention to these four concepts: faith, hope, belief, and prayer. She artfully defines each term, concluding that, through these four, we discover what is possible. Ultimately, they lead to belief without boundaries, encapsulated in what Monique calls spiritual freedom.

We are invited to explore our belief in the God of our understanding. What upbringing did we have that nurtured this belief? “Most likely,” says Monique, “you believe in God because at some defining moment in your life, someone that you trusted told you that you are supposed to believe in God.”

Once we pinpoint the origins of our belief in God, we should then ask if we are engaged in “organic conversation” with God. The more we are in tune with our interactions with God, the less affected we are by the influence of the people around us. We should not allow anyone to direct our spiritual path on God’s behalf. Indeed, only God, who speaks through us, can effectively guide us on this journey.

Monique then relates her near-death experience with hypovolemic shock due to internal hemorrhaging on May 9, 2017. This horrific and unexpected event led Monique to trust her spiritual self more.

Monique had realized that it was her spirit that led her to text her husband about her growing nausea, shortly before her body went into shock. This same spirit told her to go lie down in her room. It was her husband’s spirit that told him to call her rather than simply text. And it was also his spirit that prompted him to call 911 as Monique slipped into hypovolemic shock.

All these movements of the spirit happened on the day Monique almost died. She is grateful “for the spirits that are obedient in spite of the resistant flesh in which they live.”