Mornings with Morty

Matt's grandma plays matchmaker (he requested trashy hookers and she delivered. He paid them in Bitcoin). Carl & Matt are team Pedialyte over Gatorade. And Matt got sexually harassed in the Metaverse at work. No, the workplace sexual harassment training did not cover this. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email your stories to thedailymort@gmail.com, tell a friend about us, and follow Matt's latest venture @NYCTinySinks. L'chaim. Stay Frosty. Slava Ukraini.

It's late. I'm tired. You're not reading this anyway. It's the second episode of the second year of Mornings with Morty, published on 2/22/2022. Big 2 energy. That means nothing in Judaism but it's a thing on everyone's calendar right now and by the time you hear this episode, the excitement will have passed. What would the hosts do for a million dollars? Find out somewhere at like the 3/4 mark of the episode I think. It gets very inappropriate and I hope you enjoy (isn't that why you c*m for us--I mean come to us). Anyway, @TheDailyMort on IG, thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, share, subscribe. And be sure to follow Matt's new account, @NYCTinySinks! We'll talk about that another time.

It's the (very delayed) first episode of 2022, habibis. YEAR TWO OF MORNINGS WITH MORTY! And it is THE YEAR OF CHUTZPAH. We recorded a while ago so I can't remember everything, but I know we talked Jewish representation/"Jew-face"/Jewish stereotypes, names, and images; the hostage situation at a Dallas-Fort Worth synagogue, and combating antisemitism. Don't worry, there are funny parts too. Anyway, check out the ADL and AJC. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us at thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, review, share. It is a year of GROWTH. 

We recorded this so long ago I can't even remember what we talked about. You have no idea what I went through to get this episode out to you guys. We've got one more coming before the end of the year. Listen, share, subscribe. Tell everyone at your New Year's Eve party about us. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and email your holiday conundrums to thedailymort@gmail.com. Thanks for listening, happy new year, and we'll see you in our next episode before 2022.

WE'RE BACK, BABY! Reunited and it feels so good. Carl & Matt, the most iconic podcast duo since Springsteen & Obama, with 0% as many DUIs. Matt's dating life is up for debate. Lotta matches, zero girlfriends. Is he too picky or simply undateable? ¿Porqué no los dos? Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and email thedailymort@gmail.com to let us know what you think. Listen, share, review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks for being part of the cult as our first year comes to a close.

Grown men on electric scooters. A ride in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. OnlyFans trying to be less HOLEsome and more WHOLEsome. We've got it all in episode 22. This episode is brought to you by Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans--use code MELTINGG1ULIANI for 69% off. Listen. Share. Subscribe. Submit to the cult. Tell everyone at your Rosh Hashanah dinner to check us out and leave us a SWEET review on Apple Podcasts for a sweet start to the new year. Shana tova & l'chaim & stay frosty. (Follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email thedailymort@gmail.com)

A wet and wild one for episode 21. Air travel is too accessible, we have inappropriate conversations with our families, and we're secretly both white trash. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and let us know the most white trash thing about YOU in our comments or in an email to thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, share, repeat until our Cult de Mort has taken over the world (it's a better option than the Taliban). L'chaim.

Carl is BACK, baby! We're reunited and it feels so good. We even meet a new character, Klaus the Klutz. As always, this episode is brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers--WHEN YOU NEED PRECISION, GET A SPACE CIRCUMCISION! Today, we drink vodka with our comrades and talk about how nauseating social media is. Still need some fan feedback on the Allen v. Spacey, Antz v. A Bug's Life, Termites v. Grasshoppers debate. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheDailyMort so you can DM us or send your email thedailymort@gmail.com to cast your vote. As always, please share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts!

We're back and better than ever! Carl really comes out of his shell today as we do some couple's therapy and talk about Matt's dating life. We also founded asq.com and I'm so glad you all get to share that moment with us. There is a LOT of singing in this episode! Thanks for listening, we love our little bubelehs like Matt loves Hilary Duff. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us at thedailymort@gmail.com, and be sure to share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Don't forget--#StayThicc and CALL YOUR MOTHER!

WE'RE BACK! Hilary Duff is a MILF. Matt had a wild 4th of July, we love freedom. Carl still can't pronounce "milk" and Matt is a full-time bartender now. Carl has an assistant named Douglas, but also Carl is now named Carl Douglass and he's a direct descendant of Frederick Douglass. Stay thicc. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and send us those emails to thedailymort@gmail.com. And remember to tell a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. New logo coming soon. Zei gezunt!

Today we're talking about Israel, ignorant antisemitic people, and the death penalty--because we wanted this to be an ESPECIALLY happy and wholesome episode for all our listeners. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, subscribe to the pod, email thedailymort@gmail.com and let us know which method you'd choose if you were sentenced to death! #StayThicc

Matt's cousin, Alaina Warren Zachary, joins us to talk about her experience as a Broadway actress. Carl tries, yet again, to diagnose Matt's personality disorder--it's an ongoing mystery. You can find Alaina at https://www.crankeyvillagetv.com/. Special shout out to our friend Hailey Susser and Quik Return (https://www.quikreturns.com/). As always, give us a follow @TheDailyMort, email us thedailymort@gmail.com, and please share with a friend! Zei gezunt!

Please be a yente and tell all your friends about Mornings with Morty! Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort! And email thedailymort@gmail.com! L'chaim!

Comedian Kevin Dombrowski (host Just Joking, comedy album High on Molly, @KevinDombrowskiComedy on IG) joins us to talk about the Deshaun Watson massage scandal. Of course, the Passover Pocket P*ssy makes a return and now Kevin is convinced that it's a Jewish tradition to do unsavory things with gefilte fish. Check out Kevin, give him a listen and a follow, follow us @TheDailyMort or email us (thedailymort@gmail.com), and, as always, please share with a friend!

Carl is too proud to call his local coffee shop's drink by its real name. Matt is scared of middle school girls. The most hypermasculine things are sometimes the gayest. Let's go for a schvitz and talk it out. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email us thedailymort@gmail.com, and please leave us a great review on Apple Podcasts!

Part two of our episode with Indigo Ross (@starring_indigo on social)! We pick up where we left off with some conversations about Black-Jewish relations (DeSean Jackson, Nick Cannon, and Zach Banner). Huge shout out to Zach Banner, please consider the B3 Foundation for any future donations that you're making! Along the way, we learn about Indigo's Buddhist practice and finish up with our parsha, getting some Buddhist insight on what lessons we can take away from it. As always, be sure to follow us on Instagram @TheDailyMort and send your emails to thedailymort@gmail.com!

In this episode, brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers, Matt & Carl discuss a COVID scare for Matt (does he have it? Does he not? The doctors basically said "You decide!"), Marjorie Taylor Greene's theory that Jews have lasers in space, the Super Bowl (which I don't think I officially have the rights to say here, but I pray for the day this podcast gets big enough that it actually matters), and Moses receives the Ten Commandments while attending a Jethro Tull concert in the desert. As always, please share with a friend, follow us on Instagram @TheDailyMort, and email us at thedailymort@gmail.com