the Mudroom

“Sometimes what happens is the more help that we get, we start to lose a little part of that power about being a major part in our children's success; their happiness.” - Alex Leech

Grab a (virtual) seat and a drink. We’re talking about burnout and the impact it has on our parenting.

I’m thrilled to be interviewing friend and neurodivergent teen parenting coach Alex Leech about what parents and caregivers can do when they begin to feel overwhelmed and consumed by everything that parenting requires. 

Because if we’re being honest, it requires a lot. 

Especially if you’re also navigating through raising a neurodivergent child, or if you’re working through challenging behaviours with your child. 

This interview is filled with gems like I know will have you nodding your head in agreement and spark some “ah-ha” moments. 

We get into things like:

• Fears about offloading responsibility and caregiving tasks to other people

• What could self-care look like (hint* It’s not always a visit to the spa) 

• Modeling self-regulation 

• How thinking about the worst possible situation can actually help 🤔

• The role of a community for preventing burnout

Plus an extremely eye opening moment about the truth behind what’s actually happening emotionally when we burnout. 

What I loved about this interview is that it wasn’t a false promise about how we can magically get rid of burnout, because being imperfect humans who are also raising imperfect humans, which means that sometimes we’ll deplete our energy reserves.

But it was an honest conversation about recognizing when we’ve reached our limit, how that can show up in parenting, and how to mitigate it when it comes around.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Remember when we chatted with Eva about helping your kids get to sleep so you can rest better? 

What if you finally get your kids to go to bed at a reasonable hour without the tantrums, screaming, and requests for another cup of water but now…

You’re laying in bed wide awake. 😳

It’s now 11 PM

12:30 AM

2 AM

And before you know it, the alarm is blaring and you’ve got to pull yourself out of bed to get your kids and yourself ready for the day.

😴 You’ve had little to no real sleep and believe me, I know from experience, sleep deprivation can really mess up your day. 

Well, what can be done about it? 

I’ve personally heard a lot about sleep coaches for children, but did you know there are sleep coaches out there for adults?! 

This week I’m chatting with Talia who is an adult sleep coach and we’re diving into the topic of parents getting enough quality sleep so that we can be present and ready for the day’s adventures and challenges.

Talia describes herself as a former chronic insomniac and having kids only exacerbated those sleep issues even more, which I know many of the parents I work with can relate to. 

In this episode we discuss: 

• What do you do when your kids are (early) morning people but you’re absolutely not

• Understanding the role of chronotypes and how that impacts your parenting

• What revenge bedtime procrastination is and what to do about it

• Making a wind down routine work for you

Plus, we have a heart-to-heart about the challenges of shutting off our brains when it’s time to fall asleep cause it seems like those 30 minutes before you commit to lying down is when your mind needs to rattle off your ever-growing to-do list and things to worry about. 

Do you remember playing outside and then having to rush back to the house before the street lights turn on?

There are great memories made outdoors and it’s unfortunate that our children aren’t getting to build those same kind of memories. 

And those magical, happy feelings and memories you have playing outside isn’t just nostalgia.

There are some real health benefits for children to be outdoors! 

I’m not talking about doing strenuous hiking trails and traversing through woods either (although if that’s your thing, go for it!), even simply strolling through a park can have amazing effects on your child’s mental and physical health. 

So, in a day and time of tech and structured activities, I’d like to take some time to chat with you about why we should be encouraging and supporting our kids with getting outdoors much more often. 

In this week’s Mudroom episode I’ll not only break down the benefits, but I’ll also give you some ideas too. 

Because I know being the loving parent that you are, there’s a temptation to think you have to do something extravagant or elaborate for there to be a benefit to your child— which is overwhelming as f*ck.

With so much on our plates already, there’s no need to add more. 

I’m sharing some very realistic and simple ideas for outdoor time that you can integrate into your weekends or afterschool schedule. 

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Summer is around the corner and for many parents, that also means school is closed and the children are home. ☀️

It’s time to prepare. 

You don’t want to wait until you’re 3 weeks into summer break and on the brink of losing your marbles before deciding to create a plan for what summer is going to look like for you and you’re family. 

I’m not just talking about prepping for summer vacations either. 

Since a lot of households involve both parents working (whether that’s at home or in the office), it can be tricky to navigate schedules, activities, and little ones wanting attention all while you’re trying to attend a Zoom meeting or get ready to leave in the morning for work. 

Being a business owner myself, I spend the majority of my days working from home so I know from personal experience just how hectic that can get. 

In this episode of the Mudroom and I’ll share: 

• Some important things to keep in mind when you’re creating a schedule/routine for the summer

• How to create that schedule/routine but still be flexible enough for the changes of summer activities

• My hack for helping children keep track of summer camp activities and when you’re available (vs when you’re working) 

• And a very important thing to make time for that most parents are tempted to overlook

Despite what all the parenting memes say about how horrible and stressful summer is with children home (not going to lie, some of them are funny), it doesn’t actually have to be that way. 

It can be filled with fun, adventure, and even still stay productive. ⛱️

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Grab a scoop of ice cream, this is a special dedicated episode all about a parent’s journey transforming their child’s behaviour and becoming a more confident parent. 

I’m excited to be chatting with Heather, mom of two children with ASD who I’ve had a privilege of working with inside of my curated parenting membership ParentAbility. 

Heather joined ParentAbility after a year of challenges and road bumps while having both children home during the “unprecedented times” and now she’s sharing her experience. 

If you’ve had questions like:

• Would ParentAbility still work with my neurodiverse child?

• What parenting is like without the reward charts and timeouts

• If ParentAbility can truly help with meltdowns and sensory needs

Then this is the episode for you! 

I’ve had plenty of parents wonder if ParentAbility is right for them, and while I could shout from the mountain tops how skill building and strategic, proactive action can completely change your child’s behaviour, you don’t have to only take my word for it. 

Hear it directly from another member! 

It’s great to hear about the growth and wins Heather has had and how it's changed her approach to parenting since joining.

And of course it’s exciting to hear about the leaps and bounds her children have made behaviour wise! 

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Grab a scoop of ice cream, this is a special dedicated episode all about a parent’s journey transforming their child’s behaviour and becoming a more confident parent. 

I’m excited to be chatting with Heather, mom of two children with ASD who I’ve had a privilege of working with inside of my curated parenting membership ParentAbility. 

Heather joined ParentAbility after a year of challenges and road bumps while having both children home during the “unprecedented times” and now she’s sharing her experience. 

If you’ve had questions like:

• Would ParentAbility still work with my neurodiverse child?

• What parenting is like without the reward charts and timeouts

• If ParentAbility can truly help with meltdowns and sensory needs

Then this is the episode for you! 

I’ve had plenty of parents wonder if ParentAbility is right for them, and while I could shout from the mountain tops how skill building and strategic, proactive action can completely change your child’s behaviour, you don’t have to only take my word for it. 

Hear it directly from another member! 

It’s great to hear about the growth and wins Heather has had and how it's changed her approach to parenting since joining.

And of course it’s exciting to hear about the leaps and bounds her children have made behaviour wise! 

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet!

We’re living in a technological age, and if you can’t beat em’, why not join them.

The wonders of modern technology really can make life easier, and the little handy device that you’re likely reading this email from, aka your phone, can even help you out with discipline believe it or not.

While throwing on a Youtube video and handing over the tablet to get five seconds of peace can come in clutch, these apps are actually helpful for behaviour and supporting your child as they strengthen those executive skills I’m always talking about. 😉

Shuffle around your widgets, maybe delete 1 or two of the 8 million photos of your children at various adorable angles, and make some space on your phone, because I’ve got 5 apps that I absolutely love that I think you’ll find helpful too.

They’re tested by myself and they’ve been incredibly with things like helping your child recognize when they’re being too loud, independence and getting tasks done or routine and schedules.

Try them out and and let me know what you think!

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

I’ve been getting this question a lot lately and I think it’s a fantastic point of conversation.

Let’s chat about neurodiversity.

First, a definition:

Neurodiversity essentially refers to the variety of ways a person's brain can function and the impact that has on their behavioral traits.

Those who are neurodiverse operate differently from those who are neurotypical. People refer to neurodiversity a lot in the context of children on the autism spectrum but it also includes ADHD, OCD, and sensory processing disorder, and others.

Now, a lot of parents have sought out evaluations for their child/ren.

And since we’re a little further into the school year, and also because children have been on waitlists because of the pandemic, there’s been a wave of parents receiving diagnosis for their kids and learning they’re neurodiverse.

It can be a lot for a parent to process and definitely a lot for a child.

So the question is, how do you tell a child about their diagnosis?

What age should you tell them? How do you explain something so complex?

In this week’s Mudroom I’m going to share how you can talk to your child about their diagnosis and neurodiversity in a way that’s not overwhelming for them.

Not only can this conversation be a great way to start helping them build an understanding of their own behaviours and feelings, it’s also a great way to affirm and empower them if/when they start to notice their differences compared to their neurotypical peers.

Chatting with your child about their neurodiversity isn’t explored a whole lot so I’m excited for this convo!

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Someone recently told me that I don’t have a podcast or blog post on something I talk about all the time and my jaw just about hit the floor when I realized

Oh crap! They’re right!

Though I know you’ve likely heard me talk about executive functioning skills before, I haven’t “formally” discussed them outside of ParentAbility and I think it’s a great time to remedy that!

Because these skills quite literally dictate our ability to do just about everything.

You know that morning routine you have; stumbling to the coffee machine to turn it on so your coffee is ready by the time you’re done in the restroom? That’s executive functioning skills.

Calculating if you have enough time to do a U-turn and grab the form that needed to be turned in to your child’s teacher today? Execute functioning skills.

Choosing to take a deep breath and smile when a rude person shoves their way in front of you at the coffee shop instead of using colorful, potty words? 😤

Yup! You guessed it! 🥳 That’s you using executtive functioning skills!

These feel so everyday and run-of-the-mill to us as adults, that it’s easy to forget that these are learned and practiced skills. We didn’t just pop out already knowing how to problem solve and resist impulses.

The same goes for your child.

I use the analogy all the time: trying to function without strong EF skills is the equivalent of trying to cut down down a tree with a dull saw. Miserable and ineffective.

What’s often labled as misbehavior is usually just a deficit or lapse in a skill needing to be refined and practiced.

So, in this episode I’m going to share what those different executive functioning skills are and how it’s impacting your child’s behavior.

I’m also going to give you a sneak peak of the 3-step strategy I teach the parents inside of the paid membership ParentAbility. 👀

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Chicken nuggets or quesadillas?

Blue shoes or red slippers?

Apple juice or orange juice?

These seem like fairly easy decisions for kids to make, right?

After all, you’re supposed to give them options, right?

You’re trying to give them some agency over their life and help them feel included.

Except lately whenever you give your child a choice, it’s a catastrophe.

They melt down, or they procrastinate about what they want until the options aren’t even available anymore; maybe they’ve just been refuse every single choice you give them until you’re both frustrated.

So, what gives?

Why do children struggle with decision making, even if it’s two, seemingly simple options to choose between?

Well, that’s exactly what we’ll be chatting about in this episode-- why children have a hard time making decisions and what you can do to help.

Spoiler alert: it has to do with skill building, because while it feels like making a decision is just a matter of picking which option you like more, there’s actually a few different skill sets that are needed for this.

And once we pinpoint what those missing skills are, then we can start figuring out solutions and stop the chaotic cycle of indecision and tantrums.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Chicken nuggets or quesadillas?

Blue shoes or red slippers?

Apple juice or orange juice?

These seem like fairly easy decisions for kids to make, right?

After all, you’re supposed to give them options, right?

You’re trying to give them some agency over their life and help them feel included.

Except lately whenever you give your child a choice, it’s a catastrophe.

They melt down, or they procrastinate about what they want until the options aren’t even available anymore; maybe they’ve just been refuse every single choice you give them until you’re both frustrated.

So, what gives?

Why do children struggle with decision making, even if it’s two, seemingly simple options to choose between?

Well, that’s exactly what we’ll be chatting about in this episode-- why children have a hard time making decisions and what you can do to help.

Spoiler alert: it has to do with skill building, because while it feels like making a decision is just a matter of picking which option you like more, there’s actually a few different skill sets that are needed for this.

And once we pinpoint what those missing skills are, then we can start figuring out solutions and stop the chaotic cycle of indecision and tantrums.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Optimism can be difficult when you’re a parent in the middle of a challenging time period with your kid.

When your kid has been smacking everybody who comes within a 2 foot radius or stripping off their clothes in public whenever you tell them no, hearing “but look at how far they’ve come” makes you want to roll your eyes.

But even though they haven’t stopped the behaviour completely, there’s still plenty of reason to recognize progress.

Even small, incremental steps.

And it’s not just to make you as the parent feel a little less miserable (although, that’s a solid reason to celebrate).

🎉 There are actual reasons to find and celebrate mini milestones and recognize moments of progress in your child’s behaviour, even if they’re not quite at the goal yet.

In this week’s episode I’m going to share 2 big reasons to recognize progress in your child’s behaviour that parents tend to lose sight of when you’re in the thick of things.

I’m also going to dig a little bit into a solution for the frustrated parents when progress isn’t being made as quickly as they’d like it to.

Especially when it comes to behaviours like hitting or kicking.

After all, it’s easier said than done to focus on the positive changes made when they’re still being aggressive and I don’t want to just brush over that, so we’re gonna chat about it!

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

There’s nothing quite as lovely as the beautiful, musical sound of a child whining at you from across the room.

I mean, what parent doesn’t love that heart-warming screech of “he took my toooooyyyyy”?

It’s one of the best parts of being a parent. 🥰

Jk

Sarcasm.

I hope you know that was sarcasm.

For many parents, there’s a very visceral reaction to whining. Like nails on a chalkboard.

And young children don’t always read our expressions and think “geez, maybe I should stop. My whining seems to be stressing out the adults.”

Once they start it can feel like they just keep going, their tone progressively getting more high pitched until you’re considering hot gluing noise cancellation headphones into your ears.

But why exactly do kids whine?

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not to drive us up the wall.

Like many behaviours, there’s a reason behind it. And if you’ve been listening to the MudRoom for a while I’d bet you have an inkling of what the answer is.

Did you guess, dysregulation?

Because if you did– ding ding ding! You’re correct.

In this episode I’m going to explain why children resort to whining, but more importantly for your sanity, I’m going to give you three ways to reduce it.

I mean, honestly, there’s no way to completely erase the piercing complaints.

Everyone gets into gumpy, petulant moods and even adults find themselves getting a little whiny when the self-check out is just as long as the regular lines.

But there are certainly things we can do to help our children communicate in more effective, respectful (and less annoying) ways.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Homework.

Let’s talk about why it sucks.

It’s not everyday that I insist on certain things when it comes to parenting. I may give a firm suggestion and repeat it over and over with the hopes parent’s can see why I’m making that suggestion, but I say it all the time, parents are the experts on their own children.

But when it comes to homework?

For younger kids it’s a firm ditch it. Be like Elsa and let it go.

And that’s not a matter of opinion.

Professional, peer reviewed study after study confirms this.

Homework for children in Elementary school and younger has little to no benefit for children. As a matter of fact, it can be harmful in some cases!

But if that’s true, why does your little one keep coming home with packets of worksheets decorated with crayons and bumblebee’s meant to make it “fun”?

And even more importantly, what can you do about it?

In this episode that’s going to be our topic of conversation; the harm of having children do homework and how to advocate for your child.

Plus, why teacher’s keep assigning homework (even when they know what the studies say themselves).

Don’t worry. I’m not telling you to go storming into your child’s pre kinder class and fling the packet back on the teacher’s desk

But I am going to share the data behind why it’s beneficial to opt out of homework for your child and how to muster up the courage to let your child’s teacher know.

Even if you’re not fully convinced about ditching homework, I encourage you to join the discussion. You’ll get a better understanding of the benefits of letting go of homework for your children.

Our brain’s are a marvelous thing!

Maybe you’ve heard it compared to a super computer before, and it’s because it pretty much is.

From how it processes and stores information to its uncanny ability to learn new things and adapt.

But even more amazing?

We’re constantly sharing information with one another.

Our brain’s might be like super computer’s but it still needs a very human component to function, connection.

The emotion that comes from interacting and strengthening our relationships with other human being’s is such an important aspect of our growth and this is definitely a crucial part of children’s growth and development.

They need to be connected to you.

Literally.

Well, not as in getting wires attached to one another or having them on your hip all day- but the way you connect with your child/ren has an impact on their brain development and how they process their emotions and subsequent behaviour.

Curious how this works?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Children can feel like a never ending mystery.

Because you know that you’ve seen your child put their shoes on.

Day after day, they’ve managed to put their feet in, pull the back up over their heel, tighten the velcro…

Yet here they are pouting in front of the door and insisting that it’s the most impossible task they’ve ever been asked to do.

Like they haven’t been putting their shoes on by themselves.

Every morning,

Without your help

And doing this for months now.

So what the actual hell is happening now?

Why do kids start acting like they can’t do something you’ve seen them do a million times over?

Especially if it’s seemingly simple things like using the water filter to get their own cup of water, putting on a jacket, getting their crayons from the top shelf by using the step stool you conveniently placed next to the shelf.

For a lot of parents it can be incredibly frustrating, particularly if it was a skill that meant less work for you.

Like getting their own cup of water? Once they mastered using the filter it meant you didn’t have to get up every time you child swore they were dying of thirst.

But suddenly you’ve found yourself once again going in and out of the kitchen a million times, having to help them with a task you know they already know how to do. 😪

What gives?

When parents are considering joining my membership program ParentAbility or when they join the Facebook community and start learning more about the discipline methods I teach, there’s always this lingering concern:

Am I being strict enough?

I know this concern generally comes from genuine care for their child/ren.

We don’t want our kids growing up into little gremlins with no discipline and wrecking havoc across Targets, restaurants, and schools.

We’re trying to raise them to be respectful, kind, and caring problem-solvers who are able to hear the word “no” without trying to swipe off all the toys on the shelf in retaliation.

So the fear that “gentle parenting” is too soft on children and means you let kids do absolutely anything they want has snuck its way into parenting circles far and wide.

The truth is that there’s a difference between being authoritative vs being an authoritarian.

And this distinction is crucial when it comes to understanding positive and respectful discipline methods and techniques.

This episode I’m going to share what the difference is between authoritative and authoritarian and how this applies to our parenting methods.

And hopefully clear up the misconception that gentle parenting means you have to be a permissive doormat to the whims of your 3-year-old.

You absolutely can still set boundaries and expectations with your child while still respecting them as individual human beings who are still growing and learning.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

When it comes to our children, parents are assigned the role of protector, a pillar of strength, always knowing the answer and in complete control of the situation.

So, when something becomes overwhelming, or we get frustrated, sad, even angry, there’s almost this panic to hide those emotions from our children.

It's a borderline taboo and for a lot of parents it feels wrong.

I don’t think parents outright hear someone tell them “don’t let your kids see you cry” but the idea that showing “negative” emotion in front of our kids is a bad thing is subtly suggested.

How many movies have you seen where the mom smiles as she waves her kid off to school, double checks to make sure no one else is around, and then falls apart behind the closed door?

Or silently crying in the drivers seat and insisting everything is okay to shield the children from their sadness as if it’s this dangerous thing?

And if we’re brave enough to dig a little deeper here, maybe you’ve learned it from you parents or other adults in your life when you were younger. There are so many adults who can’t recall seeing adults be vulnerable when they were children.

Besides anger (or happiness), there aren’t many millennials who remember seeing their parents openly share other emotions, much less witness how they navigated or resolved that moment.

The fear is > crying or showing strong emotion in front of your kids is going to harm them in some way.

So the message current parents learned from that > don’t cry in front of your kids.

I want to explore that a little bit.

In this week’s mudroom we’re going to have a heart-to-heart about crying in front of your kids.

• We’ll dig a little bit deeper into how our own experience as children may have shaped our view about expressing emotions now that we’re parents.
• How showing feelings in front of your child can actually help them with their own emotions.
• And the important part of this process that kids need to see- because yes it’s okay to express emotions, but we also don’t want to constantly be losing our $hit in front of them either. There’s a caveat (and I’ll admit, it’s not something that comes natural for a lot of us).

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

There is nothing quite as triggering to parents as their child biting.

I mean…who the heck opens their mouth and decides to latch onto another human's skin?!

It’s wild when you think about it like that.

But the answer is young children. Young children do that.

Whether it’s at home and your kid is just randomly chomping into your arm while you play.

Your toddler sinking their teeth into their baby brother when upset.

Or maybe you get that dreaded “ouchie note” home and a little frown from their daycare teacher letting you know your kid has been leaving teeth imprints on friends.

Biting is actually a pretty common “misbehavior”.

It’s not a pleasant time.

But it’s also not necessarily a thing to panic over either.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re going to take it seriously, especially if they’re breaking skin, but we’re not gonna lose our minds over it.

And I’m going to tell you why.

In this episode I’m going to explain the 3 main reasons why children bite.

So whether you think they’re biting out of anger, just randomly drive-by biting, or seeming to get a kick out of seeing the person's reaction, those reasons all still tie back to the big 3.

Once you learn what those 3 reasons are, it’s going to be much easier to stop the biting- and I’ll bet it’ll relieve some stress you might have about it too.

So, ready to find out why children get the urge to gnaw on someone?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

“Redshirting” or delaying enrolling your child into Kinder (or 1st grade if you chose to skip Kinder) and keeping your child back a year is a question I get asked about frequently.

There’s a lot of anxiety and stress about the decision to redshirt or not red shirt, and to be honest there’s a whole bunch of controversy and drama about it too.

So I figured I’d go ahead and chat about it in this week’s Mudroom.

I get asked a lot about it because I made the decision to red-shirt my oldest son, which I’ve openly talked about before. He’s currently getting ready to step into the exciting world of being a 3rd grader but would have been going into 4th grade.

And I didn’t make that decision lightly.

There’s a whole bunch of reasons why you might choose to hold your child back a grade and a whole bunch of reasons why you might decide against it.

In this episode I’m not going to try and convince you to do one or the other.

But I will share my experience and reasons for red-shirting my oldest and some things you might want to consider when making a decision of your own.

BTW- If you are thinking this over, know that there are tons of factors that come into play with this decision, including what you’re legally allowed to do.

I’m not throwing out any legal advice whatsoever (so, please for the love of everything good don’t take it as legal advice) but I will also share the general steps I took to make sure I didn’t land myself in any trouble.

Cause I know finding the information can be a little overwhelming.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

“Validate their emotions” is a phrase that has taken on almost a comedic meaning.

Along with the general misunderstanding that gentle parenting means let-your-kids-run-wild and baby talk your 5 year old,

Validating emotions has also been misunderstood as absurdly pointing out your kid is crying (in a baby voice of course) and then awkwardly standing there staring at one another for a while.

And I’ll admit, I’ve had my fair share of laughs watching the Instagram reels where parents share their frustration about it.

It feels silly to have your toddler stomping around the kitchen and borderline bear growling at you and then saying “aaawww…you must be sooooo angry!”

Well duh.

What gave it away, the stomping or the bear growls? 🤪

But the reason is can feel so absurd is because there’s:

A: confusion about the purpose of validating emotions in children (and it’s not to coddle them).

And B: confusion about how to validate emotions.

So that’s what this week’s Mudroom conversation will be about.

We’ll chat about why we validate our children’s emotions, how this helps their behavior in the long run, and 3 easy steps to validating their emotions in an impactful way.

As always, I want to stress that this is not about letting children get away with everything and do whatever they want.

It’s about helping them feel secure while they figure out this whole human experience.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

I don’t know about you but for myself and alot of people I know, we were raised being told that interrupting was rude.

So it’s understandable that we as parents get frustrated every time their child bursts into the middle of their conversation to ask why puppies and cats don’t get along while waving a coloring sheet of a puppy and cat snuggling in your face.

It’s a bit rude (and a bit annoying).

And kids do it alot.

You might have attempted to correct this by telling them “stop interrupting” and unsurprisingly that doesn’t work.

Not to mention they take your break in conversation to tell them to “stop interrupting” as a green light to continue interrupting and squeeze in whatever it is they wanted to tell you.

I mean, might as well while they’ve got your attention anyway.

The good news is children don’t do this to be rude on purpose, or to be disrespectful.

There are certain skills that they need to build and strengthen to recognize that they’re interrupting and then further keep themselves from doing so.

This can be especially difficult for some children, especially if it’s something they’re super excited about.

That’s why in this week’s Mudroom I’m going to go over:

• Why children interrupt
• The solution to help your kids stop interrupting
• And the key to making sure they’re able to resist interrupting (especially when they’re eager to share with you or someone else.)

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Buckle up because we’re going to talk about a serious topic for this week’s Mudroom.

Recently there’s been a big surge in discussion around things like spanking and physical punishment out of love for their children.

“Spare the rod- spoil the child” kind of energy.

I do want to make this perfectly clear: we don’t spank children around here.

You won’t ever hear me say: spank your child, a small pop is okay, a little tap is fine.

There is no justification for physically harming your child.

There is no place for it in discipline (or anywhere).

Cool? Cool.

That said- since it’s a topic of discussion that’s popped up recently in the free parenting group 

And it’s seemed to have stirred up some interest in trauma bonds. I’ve talked about it before but given the response from the community it seems like it’s worth discussing again.

So in this week’s Mudroom conversation I’m going to explain what trauma bonds are, what that looks like in a parent/child relationship, and how it impacts children.

I do want to say, I know this can ruffle some feathers. The term itself trauma bond is really heavy and intense, but it’s our job as parents to be brave enough to face the hard stuff.

To come to terms with the difficult parts of raising a child and learning so we can do better.

So this is my invite for you to be brave, and join this conversation to and see what you learn.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

This is a topic I want to get into because it’s something that happens a lot, and it’s also something that often makes parents uncomfortable.   

I’m talking about when you’re out and about and your kid (often loudly… or at least it seems loud) points out someone who is different in someway.   

“Why is my new classmate darker then me?”  

“What happened to that man’s arm?”   

“How come that kid gets to use that tablet in the classroom?”   

Sometimes they notice these things and come home and ask but I want to focus more so on what we do when our children ask these questions in public.   

Because these questions often bring out embarrassment or even some kind of shame in parents, especially when the person in question overhears the question.   

And parents reaction is usually to quickly hush their child or dismiss the question altogether.   

I propose an alternative solution.   

In this episode I’ll be sharing three things:  

- Why children feel the need to point out these differences (and why they’re not purposefully being rude) 

- How you as a parent can respond to your child’s question 

- And one very important thing to keep in mind when your child asks these types of questions and the person hears it  

We can’t raise children who are aware, respectful, and inclusive of all the diversity around them by ignoring it- but these are still tricky conversations to navigate, but we’re going to give it a go anyway!

Tick

Click

Tick

Click

That was the sound a child was making over and over while sitting his his mothers lap and waiting to be called into the office.

And with every tick and click you could see her patience slipping away.

Eventually she put her hand over his and asked him to please stop making that noise. It seemed like he handn’t even realized he was making the noise, because he looked up surprised and stopped.

You might also notice your child seems to just make random noises and sounds, or sometimes it’s just a looooooooong stream of continuous chatter that has no rhyme or reason besides just to make noise.

I’m just gonna come right out and say it- sometimes it’s annoying as hell.

But there’s a reason behind why children make these noises.

In this episode, we’re going to revisit the topic of why kids make loud, repetitive, and annoying noises and what you can do if you feel like you’re losing your mind over it.

You might even be surprised to learn that the reason why kids make these noises, is similar to the reason why adults to do certain things too.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Let me just ask- have you started yet?

You know, searching Pinterest for cute “I’m starting Kinder” picture ideas, buying all school supplies, and all the generally cute and fun stuff we parents get sucked into doing when Kindergarten is just around the corner.

Chances are, if you have a 4/5 year old, you’re prepping for that transition either this upcoming August or in the upcoming year (feels far away but it’s not really).

And while there’s usually a bunch of excitement for this huge milestone, you might have noticed something that a ton of parents go through around this time.

Your child is…what’s the word…emotional to say the least.

Everything is a dire situation for them it seems.

It’s a meltdown over the smallest things.

Big emotions over every inconvenience or change.

You probably feel like you’re walking on eggshells wondering what’s going to set off the next outburst.

This is a pretty common developmental stage that I like to call The Limbic Leap and the good news is that it’s completely normal.

I have a whole episode that goes in depth about what’s happening in the brain during this stage but essentially, their brain’s “alarm system” is growing and recalibrating.

And until it gets it shit together your child is hypersensitive to the unexpected and to change.

Which brings us back to Kindergarten.

No, in most cases parent’s don’t need to be concerned about their child entering Kindergarten as a menace.

But this is a big change for children, even if they’ve been in daycare or preschool and they’re going to need some extra help and support navigating this new change.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Summer is here! ☀️ Or at least nearly here for most of us.

And while the kids may be free for shenanigans for a few weeks, parents often are not.

Whether that’s because you’re working, have younger children who need attention, or you simply don’t want a kid at your heel all summer complaining about having nothing to do, it’s time to make a game plan.

And I’ve got an easy one to share with you that’ll make summer break manageable (and dare I say fun?) for everyone.

This is going to be particularly helpful if you have a child who’s prone to the “I’m booooored” woes and expect you to cure it.

In this episode we’ll chat about:

• The role parents take on during summer that you should drop immediately
• Why a routine vs a schedule is a better option for summers
• The 3 things you definitely want to include in that routine

Plus the boundary you want to set from the very start of summer break if you have any intention of getting anything done during the next few weeks.

Feeling the summer vibes and excitement? Me too! Let’s kick it off with a great start by preparing for it now.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Summer is in full swing which often brings about a whole lot of buzz about extra-curricular and enrichment classes.

I’m talking swim, dance, acting, art, violin, soccer, all the things.

I mean, let’s be honest. It’s freaking ADORABLE to see your kid in their little mini uniform wandering around the field while the coach/instructor tries to corral them all back in.

Or celebrating their first score/performance/award? The pride parents feel is basically at the same level it would be if they had won the Olympics or something.

That’s why I want to start off by saying I do not hate extracurricular activities.

I know there are lots of parenting experts out there who are vehemently against these classes for kinder and younger but I don’t think signing your 4-year-old up for cheerleading is the most awful thing you could do to a child.

But are the classes needed?

No.

They aren’t missing out on developmental skill-building if you decide to never sign them up for afterschool piano lessons.

Should you force them to participate?

Also no.

“But children need their parents to push them to try new things! Sometimes you gotta force them so they learn.”

I’ve heard that line and similar statements before and again: no, we shouldn’t force them.

And I’m going to tell you why in this episode.

I’m going to share the 3 reasons to sign up your kids for extra-curricular/enrichment classes and how we as parents may have gotten a little bit off track about its purpose.

And, if you do sign them up for a class, an unorthodox tip to help them get the most out of their class.

For my parents who have kids who just blank stare at their instructor during Karate or break out with their own choreography in tap dance, this tip can really help remove the battle of the wills between you and your child about participating and practice.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

So there are these cute videos on Reels and Tiktok where both parents stand on either side of the child and count to three- then they run in opposite directions and wait to see who the child follows.

And it’s this cute little trend that everyone gets a little laugh from when the child hurries after the same parent every time.

But…

It stops being so funny when it keeps happening over and over again.

It can sting a bit to see your child light up every evening when their other parent walks through the door after they spent the day screaming their head off.

Why do they turn into this sweet little cherub for their other parent?

Or watching them sweetly cuddle up on their lap during family movie night while slowly scooting you away with their foot? Like- what the heck?

You might put on a brave face and smile but jeez does it suck sometimes to feel like the other parent is the favorite!

But what if it’s flipped? Maybe you’re the favorite parent right now and you’re worried that your partner might be a bit hurt about it and you’re not sure what to do.

It’s not like you can shun your child’s love (don’t do that lol).

Don’t worry.

The good news is that parental preference and love aren’t the same things. They might prefer the other parent more, but it’s not a competition of love.

In this episode, I’m going to break down exactly what’s happening developmentally when your child seems to be picking favorites and how you can handle with (without trying to bribe your child to love you more).

We’ve discussed this in the past and it’s always helped parents to know what’s going on in their child’s brain when this happens so they can stop overthinking about why the other parent is “better” and start focusing on what really matters.

So let’s chat about your child seeming to like their other parent more (or why they seem to have latched on to you).

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

This is important, okay?

Not too long ago we discussed how to pick out a daycare program for your child and I love being able to support parents with such a huge milestone.

Whether it’s their first time being cared for outside the home or if they're simply changing programs - it’s important to make sure that the program is a good fit for your child.

But there’s a topic that really needs its own separate conversation.

And that’s inclusion vs integration.

Some schools will use the phrases like they’re an “inclusive school” as a buzzword but when it comes to the actual practice of inclusion- what they really mean is integration.

And this seemingly minor difference in words matters.

Even though some programs and people use the two phrases interchangeably, they’re two very different things and it has a huge impact on the quality of care your child receives.

And really just their overall wellbeing.

This is especially important if you have a child who is differently-abled, neurodiverse, or identifies with a minority and/or marginalized community.

So in this episode conversation we will be discussing:

• Exactly what makes inclusion different from integration
• How this difference impacts our children
• And what that looks like in practice (and what to look for/ask about when you tour potential daycare and programs)

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

If you’re reading this there’s a pretty good chance that you’re either looking for a preschool/daycare or that decision is looming in the near future.

(And boy does the time fly by! You’ll blink and it’ll be time to choose.)

There’s a lot to consider and it can be overwhelming.

A lot of parents focus on the logistical things- which is completely reasonable! It’s important to consider if it’s on your way to work or if you want a center vs a more homelike environment.

Those types of features are definitely something to think about.

But it always breaks my heart when I hear parents say after all that research they’re still facing challenge after challenge after they enrolled their child/ren and it turns out to be the completely wrong environment for their kid.

It stings a bit more too if you’ve shelled out some cash for a registration fee if we’re being honest…

I want to remind you if that’s the situation you’re in now- it’s not become to some parental failure or lapse of judgment. There are lots of places that check all the general positive marks and then end up not working out.

The factors that can make a real difference between a quality preschool and the ones that don’t work out aren’t always as obvious as a nice-looking classroom or big playgrounds.

With over a decade in the early childhood field, I have an advantage of knowing what to look for and what questions to ask- things that parents might not necessarily think of, which is okay!

That’s what I’m here for.

In this MudRoom episode, I’ll be sharing what to look for when picking out a preschool and how that makes a difference in care.

So next time you go on a tour you’ll have some clarity about what actually makes a great daycare/preschool and you can keep a sharp eye out for those green (and red) flags before enrolling.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

You might have heard the quote from the movie/book Juno: “A woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant, a man becomes a father when he sees his baby.”

And that sentiment seems to be reflected in a lot of the parents I work with.

So, let’s just be completely honest here.

When a woman becomes a mother- typically it’s an immediate shift into motherhood and we adopt that identity pretty early on. (Although I understand that not everyone experiences motherhood the same way- this is generally.)

We understand the cues for hunger.

We can hear the difference between a poopy diaper cry and a needs a nap cry.

We can make a bottle with eyes half closed, sleep deprived, and groping around in the dark without needing step-by-step instructions.

But for some reason…stepping into fatherhood seems to be a much more…extended transition.

I’ve heard from plenty of couples where the mother explains how frusterated she’s become since she basically has to Kindergarten walk her partner through things like changing a toddlers pull up in the car.

Again, in general, it just feels like mothers jump in the pool of parenting head first but fathers kind of poke their pinky toe into the water before eventually wading it and joining mom in the deep end.

So, why is there such a stark difference between becoming a mother vs becoming a father?

In this episode of the Mudroom we’re going to chat about being a dad vs being a mom and how the way we ease ourselves into these roles can impact our children.

I’m also going to break down how we can help father’s take more ownership of the caretaking role in parenting (because they are absolutely capable and competent enough to do that!).

I’m excited for this conversation!

To be honest, it is mostly the mothers who join the parenting membership ParentAbility or are there for MudRoom conversations but it’s always exciting to see fathers participate and I want to keep encouraging that involvement.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

There are a lot of parents who watch their child bounce from one activity to another and wonder why their child can’t seem to

Just

Sit

Still.

Your kids seem easily distracted when they were supposed to be putting their jackets in the closet.

Or they’re suddenly as your leg poking their nose into your conversation when you swore you sent them off to wash their hands for dinner.

You thought they were picking up the blocks from the living room but when you come back they’ve disappeared to the playroom (again).

So, is this lack of attention something you should be concerned about?

Though it’s likey driving you nuts trying to keep track of your little busy bee, the good news is it’s completely typical behavior for kids 6 and under to have a limited attention span.

And there’s a good reason for it too!

In this Mudroom epiode, I’m going to explain why your child seems like they’re unable to focus and what you can do to help them.

Because believe it or not, they’re not bouncing from one thing to another simply to keep you from relaxing.

And before you panic, a slight spoiler alert- my advice is not to do more and bust out all the tricks and stunts to keep them entertained, nor is it to jam-pack their schedule with “enriching” activities.

As a matter of fact- if you’ve fallen into the habit of trying to entertain your child to help curb some of their boredom I really encourage you to join this week’s conversation because it’s going to help.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Everyone loves a little magic in their lives and for a lot of parents, there’s a lot of joy and fun in creating magic for their children.   

Have you ever scrolled through Pinterest and seen how creative some of these ideas are?  Like “tooth fairy glitter” inside a special envelope.  Reindeer treats trailed around the backyard so Santa’s reindeer know where to park on Christmas Eve.  

Or pieces of colorful eggshells around the Easter basket that the bunny left behind.  Among the endless work of filling juice cups and potty training, these magical moments when kids are looking at you bright-eyed and giggling at the tooth fairies antics are priceless.   

But here’s the tricky part.   

Are we lying to them?  

Or, I guess a better question is are we misleading them?  

I’ve had a few people in my free Facebook community for parents ask what they should do when their child does start asking questions like “is the tooth fairy real?” or wondering if they’re doing a disservice by talking about Santa.  

After all, many of us are big on being honest with our children (as we should be!).   

In this Mudroom episode, we’re going to chat about the difference between magic vs being misleading.   

And as always, you are the expert on your child so the decision about what traditions to participate in and which ones to skip are always yours, but I think this conversation will give you a great perspective that also won’t force you to ditch drawing Reindeer hooves on the sidewalk if you don’t want to.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Most of us are aware of what bribing is.

Afterall, it’s not a secret that children can sometimes be really difficult.

It reminds me of the iconic scene in the movie Lord Of The Rings where Gandalf the Wizard shouts “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”-

That’s what it feels like when you’re running late and you need to them to just accept that the red cup is missing and you don’t have anymore time to run around the house searching for it.

They have their little feet firmly planted in front of the door with a pouty lip and arms crossed with the “you shall not pass…until the red sippy cup is found.” look.

It’s probably tempting to break out the M&M’s and tell them “if you just get in the car this once without the red sippy cup then you can have some candy.”

And I’ve talked about why bribing isn’t the greatest long-term response before.

Instead, you want to establish boundaries.

However, the difference between boundaries and bribery actually isn’t quite as obvious as parents tend to think.

While you’re probably not offering candy and treats in exchange for compliance, but those aren’t the only forms of bribery.

I see it often in my free parenting group The Parenting Posse– well-meaning parents offer advice to someone not realizing that they’re actually suggesting a “bribe in disguise”.

So, what’s the difference and how can you tell if you’re bribing your child or setting a boundry?

Int this episode we will be sharing:

• Why you want to avoid bribery if you want to see long-term changes in their behavior
• How to tell the difference between bribery and setting boundaries
• Tips on how to set effective boundaries that work

If you’ve found yourself overthinking how to get your child to listen or maybe even using bribery more often than you’d care to admit pop in for this week’s Mudroom.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Picture this: you’re having a playdate at your friend's house.   

The kids request a popsicle so your mom's friend hands each one a nice, fun summer treat.  Everyone is happy and smiling and it’s just a wonderful, wholesome moment.  

Then your child accidentally spills a drop of purple popsicle on their shirt- they look down and…  Bombs away!  

They drop the F-bomb.  😮  

Now everyone is staring in disbelief and you can’t decide if this is one of those moments where you laugh (afterall, it was timed perfectly) OR if you sternly correct them for using a bad word.  Which one do you choose?   

This is actually a common question and occurrence with children.   

They hear a word and repeat it. And sometimes those words are more…colorful than others.   

How do you handle your child cursing?    

This isn’t going to be a shame-y, “OMG children should never say that!”, kinda thing either.   

Whether you decide to let them use the language or not is up to you– afterall you are their parent. But I will give some insight on:  If my family decided to allow cursing or not and why we made that decision  Reacting to your child's cursing and establishing rules about them  

If you use curse words, does that automatically mean your child will have a sailor mouth too?  So if your kid has been known to throw out a $*#&$ or a !($*@& or you’re worried about them picking it up.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Recently in the free community for parents Parenting Posse a parent asked a question about their child being unintentionally aggressive, but no matter what the parents did (taking away screen time, discussing the incident, etc) the behaviour continued.   

And this isn’t the only time a parent has asked a question with a similar scenario:

- The child keeps doing a certain perceived misbehaviour. 

- Parents gives a punishment 

- Child stops for a day or two, maybe, but then does it again.   

Rinse and repeat.   

It’s enough to drive any parent bonkers.  

Why do they keep crashing into furniture after you’ve explained how dangerous it is?   

Or why do they keep antagonizing their sibling before bedtime even though you’ve made them apologize a million times?  How many more times are you going to have to explain that dumping the hand soap and rubbing it all over their arms is not okay?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

When we think about emotional, angsty, moody children we often think about teenagers, right? 

We’re picturing a 16 year old with their hoodie pulled over their head, earphones blaring Paramore to block out the world, and a permanent scowl.   So WHY the heck is your 3 year old already bursting out in tears and yelling you’re a mean momma?   

Isn’t it a bit too early for your kid to be huffing and rolling their eyes?   Why are kids so emotional?!   

A lot of parents seem to already know this is common behavior (plenty of threenager horror stories and memes floating around the internet to confirm we’ve all experienced it), but what parents don’t seem to know is that it’s also normal.  

There’s a bunch of things happening in your child’s brain at this stage that’s making them especially sensitive and it’s an important part of their development- but it doesn’t mean it’s always fun or easy.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Before we start I want to give a warning that I'm going to discuss some potentially sensitive topics.   

I want to talk to you about when our kids say scary sh*t.   Like when they say something violent, or really freaking dark.   

I want to approach this with compassion and sensitivity because I know it’s unsettling and uncomfortable. Sometimes parents are even too embarrassed to admit what it was their child said but…  It’s a reality for a lot of parents.   

Sometimes children say the most off-putting things.  It can be targeted at their sibling, or even you. Sometimes about themselves or a peer. Heck, it might be about someone random or just a fictional character, but when you hear it it’s shocking either way!   

Are they just repeating something they saw from a TV show they shouldn’t have been watching or from an older friend who wasn’t paying attention to their words?   

Or is this an indication of a bigger problem?  

I’ll avoid listing specific examples of this in the email because I have an inkling that if you're even remotely thinking “this is something that I can relate to” then you likely can.   

And I promise you’re not alone with this challenge.  

That’s why this week’s topic is going to be how we as parents can respond to our children when they say scary or dark things while also not shaming them or scaring them.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Maybe it’s because April is around the corner and it’s Autism Awareness Month?   

Or maybe it’s just more parents becoming aware of neurodiversity in children and having more thoughts about it...  But I've been getting more and more questions and concerns from parents worried that maybe their child might be autistic.   

The important thing to know about autism is that the signs can overlap with so many other things.  And early indicators of autism can also be completely developmentally appropriate behavior at certain stages- it’s when those signs remain present past a certain age/stage that they become red flags.  But let me tell you early intervention can make a world of difference!   

I know because my expertise and background is also in early intervention!  So in this week’s MudRoom, I’ll be discussing what are those possible signs and early indicators of autism and what to do next if you suspect your child may be autistic.   

This conversation isn’t meant to be a diagnosis, but rather a resource to help you navigate the process of finding answers and help you identify what behaviours you may want to keep a more observant eye out for.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

These conversations aren’t easy.   

But they also must be had.  

We’ve got to be honest and talk to our children about what’s happening in the Ukraine.   

Sometimes we forget that children absorb information at an astonishing rate.   

And I know you’re thinking “but we don’t watch the news in front of them” or you ask grandparents and friends to change the subject when it comes up at dinner but think about just how many times your kiddo has surprised you by asking a question about something you didn’t even know they had heard about?   

These types of discussions can be challenging, delicate, and emotionally sensitive topics that feel far too heavy to be talking to our littlest children about but the fact of the matter is If they’re not hearing it from you, there is a big chance they’ll hear it from someone else.  

It might be from a school friend who picked up something, a radio commercial, watching a TV program while waiting in the doctor’s office…  And the last thing we want to do is stick our heads in the sand and leave them confused and without someone to help them process what they’re hearing in a healthy, safe, and respectful environment.   

So, exactly how do we have this conversation?   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How to talk to your kids about Ukraine without making them fearful or stressed. 

- Why it´s important to have these type of conversations

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

We talk often about the importance of play for children and chat about this false expectation that children automatically know how to share (they have to learn that skill).   

Especially when it comes to siblings and breaking up arguments over that week’s favorite toy.   

But have we talked about the developmental stages of play?   

If you’re thinking “what the heck is that?” allow me to explain.  As your child grows, the way they play changes and evolves.  And this has a huge impact on not only their behavior and how they interact with their peers and siblings, but also our expectations of them.  

You see, you can’t expect an 18-month-old to play the same way your 3-year-old plays- and I’ve found that once parents begin to understand the difference in play stages, it significantly reduces stress.  

When you have a more realistic view about what to expect from your children at certain ages, discipline stops becoming a power struggle and shallow compliance and becomes more of a skill-building opportunity.   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- What each play stage is 

- At which age you would typically see these different stages 

- Some examples of what play looks like during each stage 

- How to help siblings who are indifferent play stages play together

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

We’ve seen the iconic scene from the Mean Girls movie where Gretchen has finally had enough and yells at Regina “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”  And while it’s a funny fictional scene in a movie, as parents I know we all sigh in relief knowing that we’re not raising our children to be like that.   

Right?  Well, I’ve been hearing parents worry about their children being mean lately and it may have upticked recently in light of all these unprecedented events happening.   

We want our children to be kind and generous so it’s understandable that when we see our children behaving the opposite way, we start to worry.   

After all, no one wants their child to have a Regina George moment, right?  

So, how do we teach our children to be kind?  

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- The actual definition of kindness and the act of kindness. 

- What “being mean” actually means. 

- And a crucial thing children need to be nice (and how you can help them with that)

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

So we’ve talked about bribing before, right?   

“If you do this thing, then I’ll buy you the toy or get you the ice cream.”   

And most of us agree that bribing doesn’t work as a disciplinary measure.   

So, we think of other ways to “motivate” our children.   

Enter the contingent instructions.  It feels similar to bribing but instead of giving the child something tangible for complying, we offer them permission to do something else.   

For example: “if you pick up your toys then you can play video games.”  Or “once you stop yelling then you can go play.”   

I understand the thought process behind this method. You’re hoping to give them some motivation to do what you want.   

Now, this is going to be a bit of a gut punch because I know the intention is often not to be manipulative but…  It’s manipulative.   (ouch)  And I can already hear the uproar!   

This is a popular method of discipline, so if this is manipulation, then what the heck are you supposed to do to get your kid to listen to you?!  

I’m going to give you a hint. The answer is time to regulate themselves.   

But (this is important) we often inadvertently take away that time to regulate themselves and hold it, hostage, by using these contingent instructions.   

How you ask?   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How can we motivate our children? 

- Effective discipline methods 

- How can we get them to actually listen to us?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

I get this question quite a bit from parents and caregivers who are looking into joining ParentAbility or are generally curious about what I do.   

The question is: If my child already gets therapy, do I need a parenting coach?   (And vice versa.)   

As with most things in life, the short answer is “it depends”.   

There are so many different factors that can impact the answer to this and at the end of the day, you are the expert on your child and their needs.  But I still wanted to take some time to break down exactly what those factors are.  

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- The difference between a parenting coach and a therapist. 

- How parenting coaching can help your child in therapy. 

- The different ways I’ve worked with my clients to help them and their child.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

If you have a 4/5 year old in your home you might be noticing an increase in emotional meltdowns in your home.   

It can feel pretty sudden too!   

Just out of the blue it’s like you’re in some kind of Real Housewives drama show and your little one is the screenwriter, producer, and the star.  

The rest of the family are just background characters walking on eggshells, hoping not to set them off.    

This is common at this age and it’s a stage I call the Limbic Leap.   

Basically it’s a huge developmental milestone where their amygdala (the “security-system” portion of their brain) is going through quite the growth spurt.   

So while their brain is re-calibrating, they’re a bit more sensitive than normal.   

This means there may be more teary eyed confessions about taking a block from a friend 2 weeks ago and worrying that the friend now hates them.   

More outbursts about why you’re the biggest meanie for asking them to pick up their crayons.   And probably a healthy dose of high-pitched “I can’t dooooo iiiiiiitttttttttt” moments for tasks they’ve done a million times before.  

I have a whole breakdown about the Limbic Leap and what’s going on in their brain while it’s happening right here.   Now here’s the kicker.   

The pandemic has made this already challenging time period in their growth that much more challenging and its impacting their behaviour in all kinds of ways.   

I’ve noticed a few common behaviour’s happening after conversations with my clients, the parents inside ParentAbility, and from threads inside the free parenting community The Parenting Posse- so let’ go ‘head and talk about it!  

On this episode we´ll discuss: 

- Why are kids having more breakdowns than usual? 

- How has the pandemic affected them emotionally 

- Learning how to handle it

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

A lot of us have been on lockdown for quite some time.  

Which has resulted in a lot of parents welcoming a new little one or are now expecting. 😉  

Congrats!   

That means your current child/ren are now becoming big siblings which can be simultaneously exciting and terrifying.  A new playmate and companion for your kids oooorrrr also more opportunity for possible fighting and conflict.   

We’ve all seen those videos about older siblings either melting down and shrieking in horror at the baby announcement or breaking down in tears of absolute joy. It feels almost like a pendulum. It can either go one way or another.   

If you’re worried about whether your children will get along or not, you wouldn’t be the only parent to be stressed about it.   

Having navigated the transition from one child to two, and helping other parents and their child make the transition too, I can tell you it doesn’t have to feel like rolling the dice between whether they’ll hate each other or not.   

There are some things you can do to encourage a healthy bond and sibling relationship between your children, whether you’re adding #2 or # 5.   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How you can help your kid handle this addition. 

- How to encourage a healthy bond between siblings. 

-  What you can expect from it  

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Parenting and taking care of children is an endlessly self-sacrificial job.   

I see you and believe me, I completely understand.  When someone is literally dependent on you for their survival and development it feels kind of odd to throw up our hands and tell them “sorry, not right now. I have to take care of something for myself first.”   

Then toss in the insane, absolutely crushing guilt and ceaseless worry that’s triggered whenever we even try a teensy bit of self-care- it’s almost guaranteed for us to get trapped in a cycle of taking care of everyone but ourselves.  

We get stuck.   

We give.  

And we give.   

Then we give some more.  

And not only that. 

Our children are too young to really process when they’re asking too much so they’re constantly demanding more from us.  With scrutiny on parenting being so heavy it’s almost like making yourself a target for criticism to stop and take a break so you keep giving.  And society encourages it and even gives little accolades like “I love how you’re always putting your children first!” and “you go super mom!” to really drive it home.   

So super mom keeps trudging along and giving, giving, giving.   Now I know that you know that I’m going to tell you that you need to take the cape off and rest.   

But here’s the crucial part.   

I need you to understand why you need to rest more and why you need to start making it a regular habit and not a “treat myself” type of thing.   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- Why putting your kids first doesn´t really help in every situation 

- Why it´s important to take care of yourself 

- The importance of rest when parenting

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices