Conscious Life Design with Nathalie Golay

Because "selfish" is such a loaded term, I often get a strong reaction when I say that it is okay to be selfish. 

Please, don't get me wrong,  I think compassion is wonderful and a life of service is admirable.  My point is that being "selfish" is something you can't escape, so you might as well get used to it. Take the judgment out of the word and place it on the outcome. 

If you examine why you choose to engage in an "altruistic" act rather than a obviously "selfish" one, you will find that you are choosing it because the alternative is not tolerable.  This is not a judgment about you, it is the nature of choice.   

Even if it hurts us, we will opt for the choice that we can live with because we can't live with the other ( THis applies to all choices. In non-life and death situations, we choose what either pleases us more or hurts less.)

My point is that whatever you choose to do has an element of selfishness or self-interest to it. That is neither good nor bad. What is bad is when your selfishness hurts others. What can also be bad is when your selfishness hurts you.

With all of that in mind, I encourage you to put yourself first when engaging in the Conscious Life-Design. Not because you should be greedy or un-empathetic but because when you are trying to to design and execute your ideal life, you must put yourself first when you are figuring out what you want. If that means designing a life of service, that's great!  

 I just want you to consider your motivations and do what is right for you.  I want you to give yourself permission to come first sometimes.  I also want you to consider the consequences for others.  As long as it is not at the expense of someone else, do what works for you and be yourself. 

In this episode I talk about science and spirit and how, for most people, science and reason are opposed to spirit, art, and magical thinking. I disagree in the sense that, for me, the issue is not so much about opposition as what lens you are looking through and for what purpose.  

Unlike many personal development coaches and new thought experts,  I love science. I do not reject it. I I choose the lense that suits me in the moment and that serves me.  There are many so-called alternative modalities that simply don't work for me and my world view, but I also think that science is not well suited for exploring the intangible and unmeasurable.  So, I  walk a middle line, between two worlds.   We all do to some extent.

Because personal development encourages us to focus on the positive, emotions like doubt and anger are frowned upon. Practitioners of the Law Of Attraction will often tell you, “If you have any doubt at all, you won’t get good results.” I understand where they’re coming from, but let's face it, we doubt, we criticize, we get angry, and we get stuck. That's what humans do.

Also, anger is an especially difficult emotion for women.  Women in particular are not encouraged to express our anger and they are chastised for it in a way that men are not.

But, whether you are a man or a woman,  beating yourself up over feeling anger or any other “negative” emotions isn’t going to help you achieve your goals any faster. 

You’ll get far better results if you simply acknowledge the feelings and go ahead anyway.  

In this episode I invite you to think about anger in a different way and I encourage you to listen to it. 

Finding your passion is all the rage these days. There are entire coaching programs, books, retreats, and videos built around the idea of finding your passion. If they resonate with you, got for it!  But, if they don’t, don’t worry about it! In fact, going after your passion first is backwards in my book.

If you want to feel great in every area of your life, you have to know how to be yourself and be willing to live on that basis. Be yourself, warts and all, otherwise you’ll keep attracting the wrong results in response to the false signals that you’re sending out.

It’s not about sitting back and making demands on the world or responding to your situation in a negative or aggressive way, it’s about being proactive in finding the right fit for you.

If you’re dissatisfied with your current situation, you may be tempted to assign fault to other or even yourself, but you won’t find the solution in blame. The answer lies in responsibility. Each of us has the responsibility to shape our life as we choose, to create the opportunities we’re looking for.