No Such Thing As Love

No Such Thing As Love

By JawBurns
Terminally single comedians, Jessie Jolles & Claire Burns, no longer believe love exists. Thankfully for us, they’re selflessly in the trenches dating to prove they are right. Laugh with them while they regale us with their dating woes and bring on special guests like a dating coach to dissect their profiles, an ex to explain what went wrong, fellow comedians to share their stories of dating, and actual blind dates that happen in the studio. Listen each week to see what new evidence they’ll have that love will never exist for them.
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No Such Thing As Love

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Intentions and Opinions with Keith Malley
The ladies set some new dating intentions. Claire is going on more coffee dates near her home and Jessie is going to have fun & thrive when she feels safe. They’re later joined by Keith Malley (Keith and The Girl). Keith has figured out love but has some opinions on their profiles and dating ways. They all laugh about dating yawners, taking a break from sex to work out a leg cramp, the low bar for guys to be decent, and Keith’s current catfish saga with his dad. 
1:19:31
January 15, 2020
Pussy Power with Cara Kovacs
What a year it’s already been! Jessie and Claire revisit their great New Years Eve and Jessie talks about a second date with an unlikely suitor. Spoiler, it didn’t go great. They're later joined by sex coach, Cara Kovacs who breaks down pussy power, sexual numbness, worthiness & safety, attachment styles, and how weird it can be to date in her profession. The ladies join Cara's vow to end ghosting culture and urge everyone to follow. And to turn up Lizzo.  
1:09:15
January 8, 2020
What A Year It's Been
Raise a glass and have some laughs as Jessie and Claire reminisce on the last year of bad dates and life lessons. They talk about being catfished, turned off by an aggressive heckler, reminded of how bad the bad guy was, and taught sex is over when he finishes. The ladies set resolutions for themselves and each other and decide to switch up their sign off. Jessie & Claire are optimistic about the year ahead but know they’ll still have plenty of missteps to bring the laughs. 
1:57:22
January 1, 2020
Dating Debacles and Smitten Kittens with Leah and Stefan
Jessie and Claire wish you a happy holiday by sharing their friend’s, Leah & Stefan, nearly unbelievable love story. But first they share their own updates which are far more believable. Jessie went on a date with a wet tongue and Claire hooked up with a playful ex. Then we hear the cutest darn meet cute that almost didn’t happen 5 different times. May their tales bring smiles to your faces and warmth to your hearts!
1:26:26
December 25, 2019
Getting Raw with Jessie and Claire
Tis the season to strip off the pretense and speak our truths. This week, the ladies discuss their bodies’ self defense against bad boys, to wear or not to wear a condom, flirty math teachers, and negging a Bud Light order. Then the ladies get into it when Claire triggers Jessie and we all fall into the emotional spiral together. This episode gets real and gets raw. (UPDATE: the show they couldn’t remember was “Shrill” where they mention women over 176 lbs may need to take 2 Plan Bs)
1:07:34
December 18, 2019
I think for me...with Shani Silver
Jessie And Claire start off with some updates on their recent escapades. Claire was awkwardly carried during a makeout and Jessie heard all about prostitution on her last date. They’re then joined by the always hilarious and insightful Shani Silver (writer, podcaster) to discuss her glittery epiphany that being single is an actual gift. They chat about old men in bars, how we’re not always doing something wrong, and the parallel universe where guys sit around and talk about dining alone. They also shout out Jessie’s series on JFL, It’s a Date, which is a must watch!
1:16:00
December 11, 2019
Positive Profiles with Meredith Golden
Get out your notepads because Jessie and Claire are getting all the tips from famed dating app ghostwriter, Meredith Golden (SpoonMeetSpoon.com). They chat about gentle nudges, profile energies, and focusing on what you bring to the table. The ladies also dissect their latest bad dates and want to send out another reminder that if you kiss them right, all their inhibitions are out the window.
1:29:32
December 4, 2019
Calling BS on Bad Communication
Jessie & Claire have been on some dates (yes! plural!) and are ready to dish. Jessie’s date was confident and successful yet couldn’t seal the deal with the weak landing. Claire had the most honest discussion about her life goals on a second date which led to the bedroom pretty quick. What else do you do after realizing you don’t want the same thing? Makeout! The ladies then get into a discussion about communication. When do you  call BS and when do you acknowledge people just have different styles?
58:15
November 27, 2019
As Best We Can with Pops and Julie
The ladies are joined by Claire’s dad & stepmother (aka Pops & Julie) to share their love story. Finding love after death isn’t easy but they found it with each other and have beautiful insight and inspiration for us all. Despite their podcast title being “a little off putting,” they have high hopes for Jessie and Claire in their search for men who celebrate their humor.
1:00:45
November 20, 2019
Worth The Commute with Michelle Collins
Jessie & Claire can’t stop laughing with the quickest, funniest darn comedians around and friend, Michelle Collins (@michcoll). They chat about dating while tall, the desire to be smothered by Ben Affleck, long toes, licking dirty beards, and the delights of Donkey. But first, the ladies give their latest updates of a frightening date and witnessing love on the MTA. 
1:22:30
November 13, 2019
It’s A Two Date Game
Jessie went on a date where she learned things. She learned about a Player’s tell. Her biggest take away is, “They open up emotionally so we’ll open up physically.” Claire called out a man for not wearing his wedding ring and tested her new way of finding out if someone is single. 
54:19
November 6, 2019
Man Tells All with Chris Cafero
Jessie and Claire welcome Hinge’s #1 Bachelor and actor/comedian/friend, Chris Cafero (@ccafero), into the booth to talk about all things dating. They peel back the curtains to share the male & female views on the different apps, making plans, signs of a great date, walking out on a date, and dating like our justice system: innocent until proven guilty. But first the ladies chat about being a single wedding guest and when you decide to stop pulling up your strapless bra.
1:33:56
October 30, 2019
Verbally Cuddling with the Cuddlist, Adam Lippin
Jessie and Claire learn all about professional cuddle therapy from Cuddlist Co-Founder & CEO, Adam Lippin. After realizing they both suffer from touch deprivation and skin hunger, it becomes evident they desperately need sessions with a cuddlist to help with their boundary and intimacy issues. But before they jump in with Adam, Jessie talks about her recent call with an astrologer and Claire breaks down her plan of action after a home invasion murder suicide. Everyone will need a cuddle after hearing their updates.  Also check out Adam’s new app, HearMe.app, for an empathetic listener to talk to because we could all use a kind ear.
48:01
October 23, 2019
Not Kissing But Still Telling
Jessie got back on the wagon with a hot new date and Claire spills the tea after a few dates with her previously blind date. The ladies answer the question: if you don’t want to high five, shake hands, or hug, how do you end a date? Salute!
1:09:40
October 16, 2019
Hanging with the Ladies
Jessie & Claire gab about dyslexia & sexting, coupled friends forcing singles together, letting fear pick the music, pausing time, junior high trends, Charlie’s hot bod, and SHOWING UP.
1:32:03
October 9, 2019
Rubbing Out the Stigma of Sex Work with Kaytlin Bailey
Jessie and Claire have been talking about speed dating for a while and they FINALLY went. You’ll never guess what happened. After you get over the shock, keep listening for one of the most informative, fascinating, and enlightening conversations with Kaytlin Bailey (@KaytlinBailey) from Decriminalize Sex Work (dswork.org). Listen and learn. Let's keep this conversation going so we’re all educated on the subject.
1:39:08
October 2, 2019
Live Double Blind Date
It’s always better to do it with a friend. That’s why Jessie and Claire decided to go on blind dates together! Listen in as the ladies are joined by Claire’s match on Hinge, Mike, and his friend, David as they answer ice breaker questions and then actually ask follow-up questions, much to Claire’s delight. The ladies also bare all and hand over their phones to their dates before playing the compliment round. Do either of these couples find a spark between them? You’ll just have to listen to find out.
1:18:07
September 25, 2019
Rollercoaster of Emotions
Jessie and Claire dive deep into some big fears. Claire reads a goodbye message she sent her toxic ex. Jessie wonders if she even has a matching puzzle piece out there. They also cover manners, death, weddings, family, and sexual worth. There are tears and laughter held together by a one great friendship.
1:08:21
September 18, 2019
Birthdays and Reappearing Ghosts with Alyssa Amoroso (Publyssity)
Jessie’s birthday is nearing and she’s freaking out. She and Claire chat about what birthdays mean for them and wonder if the definition of love is when you order a tub of ice cream and your partner still finds you cute. Then Alyssa Amoroso (@Publyssity) joins them to talk about everything from foot fetishes, exposing your feelings, guys who come on too strong too fast, and their 3 month challenge. Join their challenge and share your stories at nosuchthingasloveshow@gmail.com!
1:22:06
September 11, 2019
Belly Buttons and Makeouts
Jessie and Claire both had dates that made them start to wonder, if it isn’t horrible, is it good? The answer is no. But they’re trying and are even willing to suffer through a bad makeout just to make sure they’re not giving up too soon. They’re doing it all for you, the listener. So you’re welcome. They also chat about the different dating apps and the 2 levels of cute: cute enough to swipe right and cute enough to respond to them.
56:26
September 4, 2019
Optimistic Breakups with Lindsay Meck
Jessie & Claire rarely have second dates but after their conversation with this week’s guest, Lindsay Meck (Onward: A post-breakup concierge service), they’re excited for a relationship so they can have their inevitable breakups! Jessie also updates us on what happened with her blind date from the show and Claire struggles to remember the last time she felt butterflies.
1:04:17
August 28, 2019
Claire’s Live Blind Date
It’s Claire’s turn to be in the hot seat with a live blind date. But before her date arrived, Jessie and Claire had a chance to talk about their “ass”ets, Claire’s last good date, and what level of men fighting turn them on. Then things get awkward when the actual date begins. Did he ask any questions? Did Claire take off her host pillbox hat? And did they survive the compliment round? Listen to find out!
1:23:44
August 21, 2019
Cleaning Pipes
Jessie was “kittenfished” and Claire just needs her pipes cleaned. This week, they break down Jessie’s recent date, the possibility of F buddies, missed connections, and the desire for a conversationalist. Which is your favorite opening line? A) Would you tell me if I had food in my teeth? B) M&Ms or Skittles? 
1:16:27
August 14, 2019
Concussed with Chanel Omari
Jessie and Claire share an update from past guest Brittanie Sheree and the outcome of her on air text. They then dive in head first with Chanel Omari (Chanel in the City, Princesses: Long Island) gabbing about the stress of dating after reality tv, self love, and the concussion that rocked Page 6. Chanel promises to post a reenactment if we get 100,000 downloads so SPREAD THE WORD! 
1:24:17
August 7, 2019
Jessie's Live Blind Date
Be a fly on the wall as Jessie goes on a blind date LIVE in the studio! Have you ever noticed a couple clearly on their first date and wondered what they were saying? Now's your chance to know!! Claire set up the date but left Jessie and her date, Jeremiah, in the booth to get to know each other. It’s scary, it’s fun, it’s awkward, it’s everything you hope a date will be!
1:01:34
July 31, 2019
Cornucopia of Topics
Jessie and Claire dig in an assortment of their favorite topics: phone sex, boyfriend fetishes, infiltrating guy groups, brave behaviors, crippling fears, the beauty and difficulty of their friendship, and how Jessie is going to start picturing guys as older women. 
1:12:59
July 24, 2019
Time Takes Time with Chemda
Chemda (Keith and The Girl) has been on a journey and Jessie and Claire are fascinated and inspired by every single step. They chat about working with your partner, gaslighting, al-anon, celibacy, self love, needing sexy business transactions, and fans who couldn’t tattoo all of Chemda’s hair because it hurt too much. Pack some snacks and join them for the ride.
1:05:05
July 17, 2019
The Study Shows with Marisa T Cohen
It’s time to break down "love" into research and data. Doesn’t that make you hot?! But first, Jessie and Claire give updates that are worth celebrating. Apparently it takes Claire nearly 3 years to release herself from a bad news guy. Later, they’re joined by psychology professor and relationship scientist, Marisa T Cohen to chat about first date behaviors, kitten fishing, physiological arousal, and the male laissez faire attitude when it comes to dating. Listen to find out why Jessie & Claire are going to start hanging out on tall bridges. 
1:06:42
July 10, 2019
Fear is Fear is Fear with Brittanie Sheree
 Jessie and Claire take a break from their disastrous dating lives to help their friend, comedian Brittanie Sheree (@brittisfunny) with her latest crush. Because those who can’t do, teach. And by now they’ve definitely earned some sort of honorary degree. After breaking down all the signs of Brittanie’s date, they construct the perfect cool, let’s hang text and prep for all the possible responses. It takes a village. 
1:05:51
July 3, 2019
What's a spark, anyway?
Jessie and Claire dive deep this week with complaints about clingy relationships, the meaning of face sitting, shame spiraling, and some good ole fashioned anal chit-chat. Jessie returns to the scene of the crime and feels a special connection with her waiter. Claire reminisces about a “bull” she once dated that she nearly suffocated. They realize at the end of the day, neither of them understand the meaning of a “spark.”
58:24
June 26, 2019
Bless and Release, Lily Womble of Date Brazen
 Jessie and Claire take a stroll down memory lane and chat about their childhood crushes. But while they were hopelessly in love, they also became master deflectors of any boys that had crushes on them. They dive deeper into their troubled dating lives with Lily Womble, of Date Brazen. Claire realizes she’s not any less of a woman if she wants a relationship and Jessie figures out what she needs to know before she goes on a date. 
1:20:17
June 19, 2019
High Fashion and Long Naps, guest Hannah Berner
From pajamas to tailored suits with matching glasses, Jessie and Claire’s dates have worn them all. This week they chat about recent escapades where Jessie realized she may be on a date with a man who has elephantiasis and Claire’s body had an involuntary audible reaction when her date “leaned up” to kiss her. The hilarious & insightful Hannah Berner (Bravo’s Summer House, Berning in Hell podcast) joins in to chat about naps, love languages, and being real on reality TV. 
1:10:13
June 12, 2019
One Crazy Night
Have you ever had one of those fun, crazy nights where you then spiral into a self worth analysis for days later? That’s exactly what happened with Jessie and Claire so they’re here to tell us all about it. After a few bars and a few failed attempts to chat with guys, they settled with the guys in front of them. Claire realized sometimes it’s easier to make out with a stranger than have a conversation and Jessie breaks down her romantic night in metaphors. They also discuss what they’re really looking for and behaviors they aren’t really proud of. Specifically, Claire wants to apologize to her Uber driver. They all discovered something delightful about wide leg pants that night.
58:07
June 5, 2019
Coming in HOT
Jessie & Claire are coming in HOT in their first episode. They launch into the No Judgement Zone with updates about a recent affair, arguing heightism, and introducing everyone to the George of the Jungle analogy. Are you familiar with tapered fingers? Well as soon as Claire sees them, her date is dead to her. Jessie says her date is dead when they go dutch. They can’t figure out why they’re single either. 
43:37
May 29, 2019
Our Podcast Vows
Jessie & Claire give you a little preview of what to expect with their podcast.  Aka listen to them laugh at each other. 
06:53
May 2, 2019