Not Just a Stepmom Podcast

Heidi and Ellie get real about what it means to have a constant flux of people coming and going, with big kids, little kids, and all.the.stuff! They share some of the areas they struggle in to maintain a household, but offer suggestions and encouragement to make a few changes that will bring functionality and aesthetic enjoyment of the home, as well as a mindset shift when it comes to tackling the cleaning.  

Make sure to visit notjustastepmom.com for Heidi's eBook, blog posts, and to schedule a coaching call. 

What happens when a dad looks at his children and speaks life over them? We get a glimpse into how God wants to love and cherish us.  Listen to this short bonus material from episode 5 about how Ellie's husband does this for their kids.  And hear a blessing meant just for you, too!  

Whether or not your stepkids were on board with the idea, repercussions from the change that a baby adds are inevitable.

Doing these things we’re going to talk about today doesn’t guarantee a perfect relationship between you and your stepchild, or between your stepchild and “ours baby,” but it can certainly help when it comes to resentment and jealousy building up in your stepchild, which often comes out in ugly ways.

As the stepparent, we have the power to build up our stepkids, to speak life into them.  We don’t want to be unknowingly responsible for our stepchild resenting our “ours baby” just because of the way we made our stepchild feel.  Here are some ways to lessen the sting of the changes so everyone adjusts as well as possible!

What happens if you are more than ready to add a baby to your stepfamily but your spouse/partner is hesitant?  

Maybe he is reluctant to have to put his kids through yet another major change.  

He may feel stretched financially and is concerned about the costs involved in adding another child.  Perhaps he is older and feels like the baby ship has sailed:  He is beyond wanting to consider all things baby and wants to focus on building a life with you and his kids.  While those reasons may all be justifiable, at the end of the day, will you resent him or your stepkids if you don’t ever have a child in your life who calls you “Mommy?” On today’s podcast, we’re going to talk about what stepmoms should consider before adding an ours baby to her family.

When a couple in a stepfamily is confronted with the question of what comes first - the kids or a marriage, that can be a confusing, divisive subject!

For a parent bringing a child into the marriage, that parent may be hesitant to prioritize the new spouse over the child.  They feel responsible for advocating for their child, for shielding their child from even more change, and they often try to compensate for some of the pain the child has already faced.  In the biological parent’s mind, their child is helpless, their spouse is not.  

Yet, on a practical level, the couple knows that if the new marriage is not elevated to a place where it becomes a special, sacred union centered on trust, the entire family structure begins to crumble and on today’s podcast we’ll talk about how to live this out in a practical way so that both the stepparent and the biological parent in the marriage feel like their needs are being met.  

For more resources, check out NotJustAStepmom.com for tips and encouragement for stepparents, as well as Heidi's eBook, "How To Add An Ours Baby to Your Stepfamily...Without Resentment Getting in the Way." 

Laura Petherbridge: thesmartstepmom.com

Schedule a coaching call with Heidi Farrell at notjustastepmom.com/coaching/

When a woman has a baby, she is confronted with emotions she never knew she had.  

If that woman is also a stepmom -- playing a part in raising children she didn’t give birth to  -- along with adding in an “ours baby,” it can be easy for her to feel a whole extra set of emotions on top of the things she’s feeling as a new mom!  Things like wondering how everyone will acclimate to the changes a baby will bring, to worrying whether her stepchildren will be gentle around the baby, to wondering why her partner seems to be prioritizing his children from the previous relationship over the new baby!

When a woman brings children from a previous relationship into a new relationship, she may be concerned that her children are being treated differently than her husband’s children.  In either case, a mother’s heart strings are pulled and she can quickly become defensive and protective.

In this podcast episode, we’ll be talking about some of the common feelings of fear or resentment stepmoms feel when they have biological or ours children.  We’ll discuss the dad’s position and even some of the reasons he may be doing what he’s doing.  Finally, we’ll address the stepmom’s role in being clear about her expectations, while also taking steps to be part of the solution.  We’re so glad you’re here.

For more resources, check out NotJustAStepmom.com for blog posts, coaching links, and Heidi's eBook, "How to Add an Ours Baby to Your Stepfamily...Without Letting Resentment Get in the Way," and find us on social media!  

Schedule a coaching call with Heidi Farrell at notjustastepmom.com/coaching/ 

When you think back to when you fell in love with your husband, it’s quite possible that you were drawn to his nurturing father side.

You saw a man who loved his children, who looked at them like they were the apple of his eye. In fact, watching him parent his kids gave you a peek into your future together, as you imagined him looking at you with the same affection, and maybe even at the little baby you hoped to bring into the world together.

But then you merged lives and households and you started observing the areas where his parenting skills weren’t adding up - like, for example, not holding his kids accountable for their behaviors, or not expecting them to take care of simple household tasks. Maybe his lack of parenting has made you feel anxious, taken for granted, or you’ve even feared for the safety of the baby you now have, or hope to have.  And instead of being endearing, his parenting is making you feel helpless and frustrated!

In this podcast episode we’ll be talking about how a stepmom feels when her partner doesn’t handle parenting in a way that makes sense to her.  We’ll address her role and we’ll take a look into our spouse’s mind and consider what is driving them to make the parenting choices they are.

Finally, we’ll share some strategies for you to connect with your spouse in a way that you feel like your needs and desires are acknowledged in a healthy way and you can start parenting as a team.

For more resources, check out NotJustAStepmom.com for blog posts, coaching links, and Heidi's eBook "How to Add an Ours Baby to Your Stepfamily...Without Resentment Getting in the Way," and be sure to follow us on social media!

Schedule a coaching call with Heidi Farrell at notjustastepmom.com/coaching/