Now What? with Jen & Tesha

Andrea was a teenage mother to two very young children when she was widowed at 20 years old. She shares her story of dealing with both grief and an ongoing police investigation, struggling to make ends meet, and sorting through her partner’s belongings years after his death. She describes herself as living tax refund to tax refund, and never feeling like she was in control of her finances. We talk about our spending habits, teaching our children about money, and how Andrea is now coaching others towards financial freedom. She shares what she thinks is the first step to taking control of your money.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:57) Teen Mom: Andrea talks about having 2 children as a teenager. Talks about struggling to make ends meet, being on food stamps, and trying to figure out how to be adults along with her children’s father.

(5:58) Young Widow: When Andrea was 20 years old, her partner was killed. Andrea talks about being widowed, having to move back in with her mom while navigating an ongoing police investigation into his death. She describes having to keep going, putting her kids in all sorts of activities to keep busy, and trying to keep her kids from finding out how he died.

(11:01) Holding on: Andrea talks about being single for a long time, and feelings of guilt over starting to date again. Andrea held onto to her deceased partner's possessions for a long time before eventually beginning the process of sorting through his things.

(20:32) Living Tax Refund to Tax Refund: Andrea describes what it was like living with low income, and never feeling in control of her finances. With some coaching from her mother, Andrea started learning how to manage her finances.

(26:30) Beginning to Budget: Andrea and her husband started considering how they could take control of their finances, and start saving up for the things they really wanted from life. We discuss spending habits, and teaching our children about money, and how Andrea is saving for her wedding celebration.

(36:53) Financial Coaching: Andrea started sharing about budgeting on IG, and as her account and success grew, she began coaching others to figure out their own finances. She shares what she thinks is the most important step to taking control of your money.

Quotes:

Guest Bio:

My name is Andrea and I am a budgeting coach! I help women organize their finances so they can stop living paycheck to paycheck and start being confident in the way they handle their money. I was a teen parent with 2 kids by the age of 19, and then, unfortunately, widowed by the age of 20. I was on all kinds of government assistance, trying to make things work as a single parent. I was able to get my shit together and start saving for my future. I currently save 50% of my income every month and want to teach others how to do the same. My mission is to empower other women to take charge of their finances and let them know that it is possible for them to be financially free, no matter the circumstance.

CW: Infant Loss

Episode Description:

Frannie, an English expat, discovered within weeks of moving to Canada that she would need to terminate her first pregnancy due to medical complications. From there, Frannie’s journey to define herself and find her purpose has taken many turns. We discuss how she is navigating the pandemic with 3 kids under 4 years old, how she has learned to invest in self-care as part of her mental health journey, and how she is finding purpose through her work.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:57) Moving to Canada: When Frannie and her husband moved to Canada 6 years ago, they were pregnant with their first child. Within the first few weeks of living in Canada, she found out that the pregnancy would have to be terminated. Frannie talks about the difficulty of this coupled with being in a new country where she didn’t have much in-person support.

(15:32) 3 under 4 in a pandemic: Fast forward a few years, and Frannie now has 3 children under 5 years old. Her youngest having been born just before the pandemic began. Frannie shares about her mental health struggles, with a newborn in the beginning of the pandemic, worrying about money, not being able to work, not having help with the children.

(20:07) Feeling trapped and alone: Frannie began running everyday, investing in self-care, finding new ways to define herself, and set off on a quest to find her purpose, and a way to make money too.

(38:52) Care Club: Frannie talks about building her Care Club community, and what it is all about.

(51:33) What Frannie does for self-care: Frannie shares some of the things that she does for self-care, from cold dips to tapping.

CW: Sexual Assault, Drug Abuse

Episode Description:

Ana shares the story of how she decided to change her life using small tangible steps after years of struggling following an 18 month deployment in Iraq. Ana talks about the effect that PTSD had on her and her relationships, the dissolution of her first marriage, a second marriage to someone in active opiate addiction, becoming a mother, and how she decided to take back control of her life.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:50) Military Life: Ana talks about joining the US military, and her deployment in Iraq for 18 months. As somebody in a leadership role, Ana felt a huge responsibility for others. She began to compartmentalize her feelings, including those around a sexual assault that occurred while she was deployed.

(11:23) Coming home: Ana tells us what life was like when she returned home. She shared the impact of PTSD on her life and the dissolution of her first marriage.

(20:30) Second Marriage: Ana talks about what life was like being married to somebody in active opiate addiction, and how becoming a mother made her realize that something had to change.

(23:53) Making a plan: Ana decided to sketch out a plan for her future, taking control of her health and money, and deciding to leave her husband.

(28:32) Brain Dump: we discuss the concept of putting things down on paper to help clear your mind, and get the full picture.

(34:34) Feeling Safe: Ana talks about setting herself up to feel safe, and we each discuss the role feeling safe plays for us post-trauma.

(41:56) Where is she now: Ana talks about what she is doing now, being in a healthy relationship, and using what she’s learned to help others.

Quotes:

“ I felt very much out of control, and so I started writing down the things I could control”

“ I never want to feel like that again”

Guest Bio:

Mother, Partner, Soldier, Dreamer, Planner, Educator

I’m a US Army veteran, an entrepreneur and trainer. I’ve owned several brick and mortar businesses alongside my military service, and in 2012, I became a mom to my beautiful son.

At the time of my son’s birth, I was really struggling. Still serving in the Army, I was married to someone in the absolute throes of opiate addiction. I commuted three hours a day to work a job that didn’t pay me nearly what I was worth, and my bank account was drained as soon as my paycheck hit it. I knew something had to change, and fast.

Fast-forward a year later, and I was well on my way to freedom and fulfillment. I no longer felt trapped, anxious and stuck. In my search to get my life really on track, I decided I needed to find or create the tools- the real, tangible steps- to square away what I knew my best life could be.

I made the decision that I was going to change it all up. For me, and most importantly, for my son. I was going to make the life I wanted for myself.

So, I Began.

Ana can be followed on IG @anamckennaofficial

Want to be a guest on the show?

You can reach us at

CW: Pregnancy Loss

This week, we chat with Michelle, co-host of the “I Did Not Sign Up For This” Podcast, mother of 5, and widow. Michelle tells us about how she and her husband met, their beautiful life together, and how she is coping and raising 5 children alone after his death.

Topics Discussed:

(3:45) Their Beginning: Michelle shares how she and her husband met and fell in love.

(7:52) Starting a Family: Michelle shares the ups and downs of starting a family, including miscarriage, buying thier dream home and having 5 children.

(17:43) The News: Michelle takes us through finding out that her husband died, and the hours and days that followed.

(31:26) Life After the funeral: Michelle talks about the decision to move her family after her husband's death, going back to the workforce, getting counselling, dealing with her husband’s estate, and battling depression and anxiety.

(58:22) Grief-cation: Michelle talks about having somebody watch her kids, and going to a hotel for a few days, so that she could take a grief-cation.

(70:00) Life without him: Michelle talks about what life is like without her husband: the loneliness she experiences, holidays being hard, and feeling like a burden to others. Michelle also shares what she hopes anybody can learn from her story.

Quotes:

We can't compare traumas, nobody's winning.

Just do something

That grief and that pain is never going to go away

The help is there in the beginning, and then it goes away because everybody goes on with their life

Guest Bio:

Sinead grew up with a condition, (Parkes Weber Syndrome) that affects fewer than 800 people worldwide. Through a series of hardships, she had to learn how to advocate for herself. Sinead started experiencing problems with one of her feet, which would land her in the hospital for 1.5 years. Nobody really knew exactly what was going on or how to treat it. During this time, Sinead struggled with feeling isolated, & suffered from depression. Then along came her first service dog, Paddington who would change everything. Sinead is currently paired with a new service dog, Foreman, who has saved her life a number of times, & has given her & her family their independence back.

Topics Discussed:

(1:41) The Early Years: At birth, it was apparent that Sinead was different, but they didn’t know why. Sinead talks about being adopted, spending a lot of her childhood at Toronto Sick Kids, & starting to realize that she was different from the other children.

(13:45) First Surgery: Sinead had surgery to stop one of her legs from growing any more. Sinead could no longer play sports. She experienced depression & weight gain.

(20:00) The Foot: Sinead started experiencing problems with one of her feet. Nobody could figure out what was wrong or how to help her. She ended up in a hospital for 1.5 years, struggling with depression.

(24:30) Graduating to Adult Health Care: Sinead was discharged from care at Toronto Sick Kids when she was 20 & had to begin advocating for her medical care. Sinead details some of the abuses that she has endured during hospital stays.

(30:09) I have what?: At 23 years old, Sinead received a new diagnosis that rocked her world. Sinead had become an advocate for her condition & found a sense of community with others who have the same condition only to find out that she had a different condition altogether.

(34:22) Service Dog: Sinead eventually got a service dog because her mobility was declining, & he miraculously her foot healed.

(38:00) Advocacy Work: Sinead is an advocate for disability rights. She has spoken at Parliament Hill Queen’s Park & as an ambassador for the Rick Hansen Foundation.

(41:25) COVID & hospital visits: Sinead describes what it is like to need medical care during a pandemic, & fears around staying in/going to the hospital when she needs care.

(43:48) Foreman: Sinead has a service dog named Foreman, she tells us more about him, & the ways that he helps her, & what she wishes the general public knew about what he means to her & her family.

Resources:

CW: Childhood Sexual Abuse

Episode Description:

Shannon shares her story of healing from Childhood Trauma. She shares how she knew that she needed to get therapy, the steps she’s taken to heal, and where she is now.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introduction: Shanon tells us about herself, her website, her trauma work and Instagram Page.

(4:28) Going Public: Shanon talks about the first time that she shared her story publicly. The fear that her family would find out that she had done this, while also feeling empowered.

(7:32) Childhood Trauma: Shanon gives us a brief overview of her childhood, and describes how she went into survival mode.

(9:16) Falling Apart: Shanon started to fall apart once she was feeling safe within her marriage, and she realizing that her past must be contributing to her current struggles, her healing journey began.

(14:20) Therapy: Shanon describes the types of therapy she has sought (including EMDR), learning to trust your therapist, and talks about what she believes trauma survivors need to know before they start counselling.

(20:50) CPTSD: Shanon teaches us about the impact that childhood trauma can have on adult survivors, CPTSD, carrying the weight of our trama, and how healing is a lifelong journey

(35:04) Other people stories: Shanon talks about how hearing other people's stories through her trauma work and peer support groups has helped her with her own healing, how she is building a community of survivors supporting one another, while giving her pain a purpose.

Resources:

Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

CW: Sexual Assault

Episode Description:

Emily takes us through a sexual assault that occurred while she was on vacation in Cuba, and the gross mishandling of the crime by the hotel chain, the theft of her passport and belongings. Emily talks about speaking up and using her voice to effect change. She also delves into her healing journey, how she is now using her gifts to help others to heal as well.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(5:01) The Assault: Emily walks us through the events of the sexual assault that occrued withing the first 24 hours of her vacation.

(8:45) Filing an Incident Report: Emily reported the assault to the front desk, but would later be coerced by hotel staff to recant her statement under extraordinary circumstances. While she did initially want to return to Canada right away, she ended up being stuck in Cuba for the next 5 days, having to stay at the resort where the assault occurred.

(17:53) Landing back in Canada: Emily describes the moment that she finally got back to Canada, using her social media presence to speak out, and getting her story on the news. Part of her inspiration for this was that Emily had been assaulted once before, and she didn’t speak out. This time she wanted to approach things differently.

(21:15) The News Story: Emily's news story resulted in half a dozen other women reaching out to her about having been sexually assaulted while on vacation. The hotel and airline company eventually reached out to Emily and agreed that something had to change.

(30:59) Healing: Emily talks about how Yoga has been part of her healing journey, where she is now, and how she is using her gifts to help others on the journey as well.

(42:27) Final Thoughts: Emily tells you what she hopes you can take away from her story.

Resources:

CW: Substance Abuse, Self- Harm, Attempted Suicide, Sexual Abuse

Jessica shares her journey through Substance Abuse to finding sobriety. She also shares her perspective as a parent, supporting a child through addiction and recovery, how she’s learning the difference between enabling and loving, and what led her to start a women’s empowerment group.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:27) The beginning: Jessica shares a bit about her childhood, her first romantic relationships with men, and when she first began abusing alcohol. Including, being in an abusive relationship, and using alcohol to cope.

(10:06) Escalation of addiction: Jessica shares the terrifying moment watching a friend overdose, that actually led her deeper into drug and alcohol abuse. Jessica started to believe that she needed alcohol in order to be a good parent. During this period of deep substance abuse, Jessica’s daughter discloses that she was being sexually abused by somebody in their lives.

(16:56) Getting sober: Jessica talks about the factors that led to her getting sober, and the events of her first AA meeting, and how she felt leaving that first meeting. She tells about a powerful moment in her sobriety journey that she uses to keep herself going.

(23:26) Parenting a child with Addiction: Jessica shares about her daughter’s struggles with mental health and addiction. She describes feeling guilty, not knowing how to help her daughter and how her guild led her to enable her daughter’s addiction. Jessica talks about her struggles with parenting a child in active addiction, and finally getting her daughter into a treatment program.

(33:34) Enabling vs. Loving: Jessica discusses her journey to learn the difference between enabling and loving somebody with addiction, and what is it like for a person in recovery to live with a person in active addiction.

(48:48) StrongAss Women: Jessica started a women's group, initially to get together with other women that she knew from her recovery program. Eventually the group started growing, and so did her intentions for it. Today, the group has 1.7K group members, and Jessica has big plans for empowering as many women as she can.

Resources:

Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, resiliency expert, joins Now What to discuss Resiliency. Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, teaches us what resiliency is, how we can build it ourselves, and encourage it in our children.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(3:09) Defining Resilience: Resiliency is not just reserved for the big adversities in life. Dr. Hanley- Dafoe walks us through the 5 Traits of Resiliency: Belonging, Perspective, Acceptance, Hope, Humour.

(10:36) Fostering resilience: Dr. Hanley- Dafoe talks about the factors that contribute to fostering resilience, including Self-care

(16:55) Productivity and Rest: We talk about softening the edges between being productive and winding down.

(19:30) Self-Entitled or Self-Sabotaging: We explore the idea that when we live in depletion we can begin to feel that we are entitled to certain rewards, so much so,  that they can become self-sabotaging. Dr. Hanley-Dafoe teaches us why this happens, and how we can engage in rewarding ourselves without becoming over-indulgent.

(27:49) Finding different ways to meet our needs: Dr. Hanley-Dafoe describes the types of self-care that actually help, and how you can identify the types of self-care that will be the best for you.

(32:12) What is Burnout? Dr. Hanley-Dafoe describes what actually causes burnout, and how we can help fight it by spending time within our own values. We talk about reflecting on our own values, instead of just doing the things that we think we “should”. In particular, we talk about the pressure to do all of the things that we believe “good moms” do. Dr. Robyne describes operating from a scarcity mindset vs. operating from a sufficiency mindset.

(43:22) “Kids are Resilient”: We ask Dr. Hanley-Dafoe what her thoughts are on this phrase. We talk about responding to children's needs through difficult times, and the importance of having one reliable caregiver.

(53:35) Building resilience: Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe answers our questions about how you can begin to build resiliency.

Resources:

This week we talk with Amanda about hiding her first pregnancy from everybody she knew, her dramatic home birth, and deciding whether to keep the baby or allow her to be adopted.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(3:33) The Pact: Early in their relationship, Amanda found out she was pregnant, and made a pact with her boyfriend (now husband) right then and there that they were not telling anybody, not even a doctor. They continued living their lives, working, seeing friends and family, but now they had a secret, and no plans for the baby's arrival.

(11:29) The Birth: Amanda details her dramatic home birth, and hospital stay.

(16:50) The Secret: Amanda continued working and talking to family, who still did not know that she had given birth. She continued to visit her baby in the hospital every day, but just didn't see any way that she was going to be able to keep this baby.

(25:07) The Decision: Amanda and her now husband, decided to sign over their parental rights. They began the process of choosing a family to raise their daughter, then decided that they couldn’t continue the process without telling their loved ones.

(36:30) Bringing Amy Home: After deciding to raise their baby themselves, they were faced with having to tell friends, family, and co-workers that they’d hidden a pregnancy and were now parents. They didn't have it all figured out, but worked together to figure it out as they went.

(39:32) Raising Amy: Amanda talks about telling her daughter the story of her birth, trying to learn as much as she could about childbirth and pregnancy, and eventually becoming a doula, and building a beautiful life together as a family.

(54:26) Take- Aways: Amanda shares what she hopes we all can learn from her story.

About Amanda:

Life is meant to be unexpected and it’s hard to always know what the right answer is.

A mom of 3, constantly reinventing and surprising herself and those around her, Amanda will be talking about the pregnancy and birth of her first child. Not as planned, not as expected but created the woman she is today. Sometimes it’s in life’s greatest challenges, we find ourselves. This is a journey of uncertainty and struggle but one that ends in triumph and joy beyond measure.

Amanda is a lifetime resident of Scarborough along with her amazing partner Greg, 3 wildly delightful kids and their goofy pug (and the 2 reclusive cats). She has reinvented herself more than once in her adult life and is constantly looking for the next challenge.

Want to be a guest on the show?

You can reach us at

CW: Graphic Violence, Gun Violence, Suicide, Death

Episode Description:

In this episode, Fallon Farinacci details the murder of both of her parents, subsequent suicide of her brother, and how she turned this tragedy into being an advocate for Missing & Murdered Indigenous Women

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions: Fallon tells us about her traditional name, White Thunder Woman, how she received it and what it means.

(4:12) Fallon describes the small community where she grew up until she was 9. She explains how her parent’s friend became increasingly obsessed with her mother, and began making threats against her. Fallon’s parents did file reports with the police, and a restraining order was placed.

(10:47) The Night her Parents were Murdered: Fallon’s brother opened the door one night, and their night of terror began as they were held hostage for 8 hours. Fallon describes the horrific details of what happened on the night that left both of her parents dead. She also describes the police misconduct, and how some things could have been handled differently, and could even have led to a different outcome.

(29:48) The Dying Wish: Fallon’s mother was allowed to write her wishes  for where her children would go after her death. Fallon and her brothers went to live with their Aunt in Ontario, but she desperately wanted to go back to Manitoba. When she was 14 years old, Fallon was allowed to move back to Manitoba. She would later return to Ontario to attend University, only to discover that all of the life insurance money that her parents had left her had been spent by her Aunt.

Fallon and her brother never received any type of post-traumatic support. Tragically,  Fallon would also lose her older brother to suicide, and discusses the impact that had on her, and how she decided to keep moving forward.

(39:10) MMIW: Fallon became involved with the National Inquiry for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls in 2017. In 2019 Fallon joined The National Family Advisory Circle, where she worked closely with other MMIWG family members. Fallon opened a Gofundme page to celebrate indigenous resilience, proceeds will go to

(48:11) Indigenous Issues: We discuss the importance of talking about issues such as MMIWG, Residential Schools, and the 60s Scoop, and the lack of education around Indigenous Issues. Fallon  tells us what she wishes people could take away from her story, and how she is using her voice to make a difference.

Resources:

Carling from the I Did Not Sign Up For This Podcast, joins us this week to share the story of how she came out, went back in the closet, married a man, and then came out again. Carling shares how she embraced her true self. We talk about educating children today about gender identity and sexual orientation, as well as representation in the media.

Amanda from the Honest as a Mother Podcast joins us in an IGTV conversation to discuss motherhood and the book Momming Hard that was co-authored by both Jen and Amanda along with 21 other women.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:00) We discuss how as moms we often stop prioritizing ourself and our selfcare when we become a mom

(5:30) Jen & Amanda discuss what Momming Hard is about and what their specific chapters are about

(8:00) Tesha shares about her co-author project, WTF Am I Even Doing, where she also wrote about her motherhood journey.

(9:05) Jen talks about what it means to pre-order Momming Hard and how it impacts the authors you chose to purchase from. We discuss how the book has stories that are relatable to all different people and a great summer read.

(11:17) We discuss what drew us to participate in these co-author projects. How writing has been healing for each of us and we hope that our stories help normalize the hard things in life, much like our podcasts.

(16:13) Amanda & Jen share how you can pre-order Momming Hard from each of them from June 21-June 27. Amanda shares about a giveaway she is running.

(17:55) Tesha shares about how you can find Courtney St. Croix of LeadHer Publishing who is publishing our co-author projects.

Resources:

Eugenia joins Jen and Tesha this week to talk about her journey with Type 1 Diabetes. She describes her diagnosis as a child, and the way it impacted her life. Eugenia spent years hiding her diabetes from others, before deciding to stop hiding and start sharing her message that you can have diabetes and still lead a full life.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:01) Being diagnosed with Diabetes: Eugenia describes being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 8 years old, staying in the hospital for 2 weeks, and transitioning back to “normal” life,

(8:45) Childhood with Diabetes: Eugenia talks about the impact her diagnosis had on her parents' life, how her mother assumed the responsibility for her care, feeling different from her peers, and worrying about her health.

(11:19) Growing up: Eugenia discusses learning to take on responsibility for her own health as she grew, becoming a teenager, dating, and just wanting to fit in. Eugenia went to great lengths to keep any of her treatments or medical needs hidden from those around her.

(18:50) Going public: Eugenia made the bold decision to stop hiding her insulin pump, and posted about it on social media. She discovered that people were very supportive, and now wants to share her message with others.

(27:48) “What does it mean when you beep?”: Eugenia explains a little bit about her monitor,  insulin pump and how it works. She also tells a story about what happened when her blood sugar was low and she was alone with her children at a shopping mall.

(33:39) Eugenia’s advice: Eugenia shares her message for anybody newly diagnosed, or supporting someone who is newly diagnosed.

Resources:

CW: Infertility, Infant Loss

Episode Description:

In this episode, guest Kristin Joseph, tells her story of infant loss. She and her husband struggled for 4 years with infertility. They went through multiple rounds of IVF, miscarriage, and infant loss, before having their rainbow baby. Kristin takes us through the stress, pain, grief associated with infant loss, and the decision to try having another baby. Kristin provides advice for those supporting somebody through infant loss, or experiencing loss themselves.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:41) Kristin’s Story: Kristin and her husband endured several cycles of IVF, miscarriage, and eventually found themselves with a healthy pregnancy. One day at work, things seemed to take a turn for the worst. Kristin had to drive herself to the hospital during a snowstorm.

(9:19) Mateo: Kristin describes Mateo’s birth, meeting him, and then saying goodbye to him. Kristin also describes recovering in the hospital maternity ward.

(22:10) Grief: Kristin describes the depths of her grief and the impact it had on her mental health then and now.

(38:32) Deciding to have another child: Kristin talks about the decision to have another child, and the anxiety throughout the pregnancy, and why she didn't want to tell others that she was pregnant again.

(52:49) Moving on or Moving through?: Kristin talks about the concept of moving forward but not moving on. She discusses the idea that having another baby doesn't take away her grief. Kristin describes other people being hesitant to talk about Mateo

(1:01:17) Kristin’s advice: Kristin tells our audience how people can support others going through this time.

Resources:

CW: Attempted Suicide, Substance Use, Sex work

Jen and Tesha talk with Kaitlin Bick, a survivor of domestic sex trafficking. Kaitlin shares her story from meeting her trafficker, developing a relationship with him, being trafficked, and finally leaving, and now advocating for others. Kaitlin’s enthusiasm, positivity, and resilience to deliver a message of hope to other survivors and those who are struggling.

About Kaitlin:

Kaitlin Bick is a survivor of domestic sex trafficking. She is a former substance user who uses both her lived and professional experience to support and advocate for others.

For the past four years, Kaitlin has worked on the frontline with survivors of human trafficking and precariously-housed individuals, ensuring that all their basic needs are being met. She uses her enthusiasm, positivity, and resilience to deliver a message of hope to other survivors and those who are struggling.

Kaitlin facilitates workshops and training to service providers and community members and is dedicated to bringing awareness to domestic human trafficking and ending homelessness.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:02) Shitty boyfriend:  Kaitlin describes how she initially thought of her trafficker as her “shitty” boyfriend, and didn't think she was being trafficked. She details how she met him, how she trusted him, how he made her feel, and how the relationship progressed. There is discussion around misconceptions of what trafficking actually is.

(15:54) “Not my dream spot”: After losing her job, Kaitlin’s “boyfriend” swooped in to take care of her. He invited her on a trip to Calgary. While driving to Calgary, they were taken into custody briefly by police, but Kaitlin still thought of him as her boyfriend that was taking care of her. It was after this, that the coercion and manipulation really began.

(22:51) Manipulation and Coercion: Kaitlin describes how her trafficker controlled every aspect of her life, from what she ate, to when she slept, and what she wore. Kaitlin takes us through the pain, trauma, shame, and loneliness that she felt during that time, and how even that was still better than being alone. She details the relationship with her trafficker, including the belief that he loved her, the abuse, and her desire to gain his approval.

(32:51) Choice. Circumstance. Coercion: Kaitlin describes the different reasons that people engage in sex work. She explains the difference between sex work and sex trafficking. Kaitlin talks about how we can support people all along the spectrum of sex work.

(39:10) Getting out and Finding Purpose: Kaitlin shares how she finally escaped, and is finding purpose by preventing this from happening to others. She talks about learning to love herself, knowing her vulnerabilities, and setting an example for others.

(50:30) Kaitlin’s advice: How can we support somebody that we think is being trafficked, and what anybody can learn from her story.

Resources:

CW depression, anxiety, mom rage

In this week’s episode, we talk with Rita, a regular stressed-out working mom, who made the difficult decision to take a leave of absence from work due to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Rita shares her feelings of guilt, and shame. We talk about anxiety, depression, burnout, mom rage, self-care, and admitting you need help.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:07) Stressed out Mom in the Making: Rita talks about how she became a stressed out mom to begin with, which includes hormonal changes, PCOS, infertility, two pregnancies, a husband going back to school, anxiety and depression.

(10:27) Becoming a Momster: Rita describes going to work and day and coming home feeling angry. She found herself wishing time away. Feeling overworked, and tired, Rita was giving so much of herself at work, then had nothing left to give. She struggled until she reached her breaking point, and realized that she was experiencing burnout.

(20:49) Taking time off work: Rita finally took some time away from work, but this is where the real work began. Rita discusses her feelings of guilt for taking time off, and what she did during this time to help her heal.

(26:45) Rita Hates Yoga. We discuss the reasons why so many people find yoga helpful, but also, the idea that you need to find what feels right for you.

(33:20) Building a Support Network: Rita talks about her support network, how her husband and co-workers supported during this time. We talk about finding the right people, including the right therapist.

(43:11) The Motherload: Rita talks about how difficult it was to admit that she couldn't handle it all. She was keeping it together at work, but not at home. We discuss the mental load of motherhood, and the toll that the pandemic is taking on women.

(50:57) Teachable moments: We ponder how to take these moments when we aren't our best selves as parents, and turn them into teachable moments.

(53:46) Rita’s advice: Rita shares her advice for people supporting those through burnout.

Links to Resources:

CW: Substance Use

Nadia Aimé joins Jen and Tesha to share the story of how she went from being homeless at 15 years old, to a highly regarded tech entrepreneur. This is not an overnight success story. Nadia details her journey through homelessness, substance use, and rejection, to finally building a life she could be proud of. This episode is jam-packed with inspiration and wisdom.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:30) Homelessness:. After the death of her parents at 15 years old, Nadia found herself homeless and in a country where she barely spoke the language. Nadia describes what life was like living on the streets of Belgium

(7:45) Community Housing/Shelters: Nadia discusses the first time she found a roof over her head, and taking a shower in a year. She describes the rejection she felt applying to attend school.

(17:40) First job. First paycheck, First apartment: Nadia describes attending cooking school, her passion for cooking, and working in a restaurant. Nadia tells us about eventually getting her own apartment.

(22:51) Substance abuse: Nadia talks about using substances to cope, and realizing that she had a problem.

(29:55) Job Searching: Nadia describes looking for work as a person of colour, with no education, and no experience. She details the ways that each rejection harmed her self-esteem, and made her feel not good enough.

(34:10) Finding her passion: Nadia describes the process of applying, interviewing for, and obtaining her first “real” job. Turns out Nadia was good at the job, and it was here that she discovered her passion for technology. She had something that she was good at, a skill that could lead somewhere.

(47:00) Coffee, Coding, and Eating: Nadia talks about pursuing her passion with a vengeance. Nadia describes teaching herself as much as she possibly could, until she knew enough to start getting some work, and began making a name for herself.

(53:10) She is Digital: Nadia describes starting an organization to inspire others from disadvantaged backgrounds to pursue careers in technology.

(61:34) Making peace: Nadia talks about her relationship with her guardian now, and how she got the closure she needed

(65:10) Nadia’s advice: Nadia tells us her secret for keeping hope alive, what drives her to keep going, and where she is now in her personal life.

Resources:

Nadia’s Tedx Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/nadia_aime_now_is_not_forever

Guest Bio for Nadia Aimé

Self-taught and driven, I have always had a passion for new development in technology that escalated me to where I am today. My push into tech happened 7 years ago after several failed attempts at applying for jobs when I was 20. I kept getting rejected due to the fact I held no degree and the fact that I used to be homeless, I am a big believer that anyone can achieve or learn anything with time, determination and a chance. So that’s what I did, got my chance and I taught myself how to code, which ended up leading me to where I am today.

Nadia can be found on Instagram @she_is_digital

CW: Childhood Cancer, PTSD

Episode Description

In this episode, Jen and Tesha talk with Special Guest, Stephanie Reid. Stephanie’s daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia at age 2. After her treatment and recovery, Stephanie found her entire family was still struggling, while everybody else moved on.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Introductions: “Talking is huge step to healing”

(2:00) Stephanie's story: Her daughter, Keaton was diagnosed with cancer at 2 years old. The treatment and recovery took its toll on the family. After Keaton was finished treatment, Stephanie was surprised to discover how much work still needed to be done to put herself and her family back together.

“Life stands still from that moment of hearing, “Your child has cancer.””

(7:26) Post-traumatic Stress Disorder: Stephanie was later diagnosed with PTSD, and discusses her symptoms, triggers, finding a therapist, and how COVID-19 has brought back a lot of these feelings

“I just wish that somebody had been watching me, as closely as I had been watching Keaton”

(23:50) Mom Guilt: Stephanie talks about feeling guilty about things that were missed, feeling responsible for her daughter's cancer, guilt of leaving one child to be in the hospital with the other child.

“It still really hurts to think about”

(28:30) Wanting to be seen: Jen, Tesha, and Stephanie discuss just wanting to feel acknowledged, wanting to know that our feelings are normal, wanting somebody that could relate.

(34:14) Moving Forward: Stephanie talks about fInding your people, going back to doing regular things, and learning to advocate for families dealing with Childhood Cancer.

(41:51) The Next Chapter: Stephanie is going back to university, to become a social worker, and wants to work with parents and children that have been affected by cancer.

About Stephanie Reid:

“Your child has cancer.”

Unfortunately, I have heard those words. Those words have devastated me and taken me to a place I hope to never be again.

My name is Stephanie and I am a mom to two beautiful girls. One is a cancer survivor and the other is a survivor of the horrible effects of childhood cancer. While I would take the cancer from my daughter in a second, I hope to never lose sight of what her cancer has taught me. Cancer tried to take my daughter, it tried to take my marriage, my self worth and my mental capabilities. Cancer will try to destroy anything and everything it can,  which is why, through my stories, I hope to show not only my daughters but other parents who might be faced with those 4 devastating words that sometimes there can be some amazing lessons learned when you are faced with the most traumatizing circumstances.

Stephanie can be found on Instagram @messyhair_sandyfeet

Links for more information:

CW: Birth Trauma, Medical Trauma

Episode Description:

Kayleigh joins Tesha and Jen to talk about her experience with AFE (Amniotic Fluid Embolism), a rare, and often fatal complication affecting pregnant women shortly before, during, immediately after childbirth . She shares her post-partum journey, dealing with trauma as a new mom, and how we can better support new moms.

Topics Discussed:

(1:41) Kayleigh’s Birth Story - Kayleigh describes her induction, and cardiac arrest, and excessive bleeding due to an Amniotic Fluid Embolism, a rare and often fatal labour complication. Kayleigh takes us through her physical treatment and recovery, including blood transfusions, life support, a hysterectomy, and meeting her baby for the first time 5 days after his birth.

(10:25) Coming Home - Kayleigh was miraculously discharged from the hospital 14 days later with a newborn. She was so happy to come home, but also was still recovering, and needed a lot of help. Kayleigh takes us through a range of emotions she experiences, from feelings of fear, anger, and grief, to trying to be grateful all the time that she was alive.

(18:50) AFE or Postpartum depression? - Kayleigh admits that she does not really remember the first 3 months. She talks about her feelings around not getting that “Golden Hour” immediately after her son’s birth. Kayleigh describes her struggle with feeling guilty about the way he was born, and having difficulty bonding with her baby. All she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before the birth.

(31:00) Supporting moms through Birth Trauma, and Recovery. - Jen, Tesha, and Kayleigh talk about what birth trauma is, how common it is, why they think it isn't understood, and how we could be supporting new parents. Kayleigh talks about where she is now in her journey, and offers advice for others experiencing birth trauma.

Resources:

CW: Sexual Assault

In this episode, Jen & Tesha are joined by Mel FP, as she shares her story of being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. Mel describes the confusion, shame, & self-destructive behaviour that followed, as well as both the supportive & unhelpful ways that others responded. She describes her experience with reporting the assault to the police. Mel talks about her path towards healing, learning how to have healthy relationships again, & the importance of women talking about it. From her personal experience, Mel offers her best advice for those healing from a sexual assault, or supporting someone else healing.

Topics Discussed

• (0:00) Mel describes the early days of what would become an unhealthy relationship. She details how her boyfriend slowly began to isolate her from her friends & family. Within this relationship, Mel would become the victim of a sexual assault. 
• (8:00) For Mel, the sexual assault didn’t match with what she had been taught about sexual assault. Some people in her life believed what happened was a sexual assault, while others told her it was not. Mel describes trying to process it, how friends supported her, & how she maintained some contact with him during all the confusion.
• (11:31) Mel eventually reported the assault, & details the police reaction & questioning. Mel became self-destructive, distrustful, codependent, & unhappy.
• (18:10) Mel describes her life was pushed in a different direction, she can now see that there were good things in that direction. She talks about learning how to be healthy in a relationship again, finding happiness, starting to communicate her feelings, & being supported.
• (29:10) Mel discusses how friends & family were shocked & did not always know how to handle it. She describes feeling isolated, invalidated, confused, & ashamed. We touch upon victim blaming, & how people just don't want to talk about it at all.
• (36:16) Mel says that time & distance have given her the perspective that this is one facet of her assailant's personality. She explains that he had his own trauma, & that she hopes he was able to get the help he needed. This leads to a discussion about how our trauma doesn't give us permission to treat others poorly. 
• (38:25) Mel talks about the importance of sharing her story. We talk about wanting to do better for the next generation, that we need to have these discussions to raise awareness.
• (44:39)  Mel explains that she connected with a sexual assault centre, & then later worked for their hotline. She describes how this became part of her healing journey. She shares her advice for anybody recovering from a sexual assault or supporting a friend after a sexual assault.

Mel's Bio
Mel F.P. is a mother, partner, friend, & lover of life. She believes her journey will be what she makes of it &, so far, she wouldn't change a thing. Mel believes there is a lot of joy that can come from change & is constantly working to, live in the now. She lives happily in Brooklin, Ontario with her partner, two children, & a reasonably well-behaved Australian Shepherd named Islay. You can find Mel on Instagram at @meldfp

CW: Racism, Self-Harm

This week, Jen and Tesha are joined by Randi Ramdeen, for a discussion on racial trauma and mental health. Randi shares her story of growing up as a person of colour, in a small , mostly-white town. We will hear how this has impacted Randi’s overall mental health, her worldview, and her relationships. Randi takes us through her mental health journey, and decision to seek professional help, which included taking medication. Randi shares with us what she found most helpful, and how she is picking up the pieces of her life.

Topics Discussed:

(1:57) Growing up: Randi grew up in a small Ontario town, as one of few people of colour. Randi details some of the experiences she had in elementary school from name calling, to kids making fun of her lunch, to being chased, taunted, and threatened. Randi tells us how she learned to survive, and adapted to protect herself.
(8:29) Unpacking Racism: Randi describes how she eventually moved to Toronto, where she decided to take this opportunity to immerse herself in other cultures. Since she was finally in a place where she felt safe, Randi began exploring racism, and processing her experiences. Randi explains that as her feelings around racism started to surface, it began to really impact mental health. Randi describes finding her voice, and the impact that it had on her romantic and familial relationships. This leads to a discussion around the idea that we all have biases, we are all affected by racism, and that white people do not get to decide what is and isn’t racist.
(19:34) Mental health decline: Randi describes the ways in which her mental health began to decline, from getting sick, feeling depressed, and losing her hair from stress. Randi talks about feeling suicidal, and seeking help from her friends and medical professionals. “They reached through the water, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up”
(24:16) Medication: Randi describes how she tried absolutely everything before finally making the decision to take medication. Randi, Jen and Tesha have a discussion around stigma and taboos about medication and seeing a therapist.
(35:32) Activism: Randi talks about getting her motivation back, her desire to use her life experiences to help others, and her drive to always say and do whatever she can to stop the cycle of hurt.
(41:49) Randi’s advice: Finally, Randi shares her advice for others struggling with their mental health. She also shares what she found to be most helpful during her recovery.

Resources
Start the Wave www.startthewave.org
IG: @startthewave

CW: Divorce

Episode Description In this episode, Jen and Tesha meet with a special guest, Natalie Borch. Nat talks about her decision to leave her marriage with a 4-year-old in tow, finding a job, moving out, and her first night on her own with her daughter. She shares her secret for successful co-parenting, talks about finding love again, and running a successful business.

Topics Discussed 

(0:00) Introductions 

(1:50) The Decision to Leave her Marriage: Natalie knew in her heart that she had to leave her marriage, but didn’t feel that she had the resources to do that yet. She decided to take it one step at a time, starting with finding a job using the skills she already had. Then, finding a place to live. Finally, telling her husband that she was leaving. 

(11:15) On Her Own: Natalie describes leaving, setting up her own apartment, and the “disaster” that was her first night parenting alone, and feeling full of self-doubt. “There was not a moment I doubted that I was doing the right thing for all of us” 

(20:25) Learning to Co-Parent: Natalie shares the advice that she found most helpful when establishing a co-parenting relationship, and the steps she took to ensure a healthy co-parenting relationship formed. “Role model the behaviour that you wish the other parent was giving you.” 

(30:02) My marriage didn’t fail: Natalie describes how other people expected that divorce would be easy for her because she was the one who decided to leave. She doesn't feel that her marriage “failed”, just that she changed and wasn't living the live that she wanted to 

(31:10) After the Divorce: Natalie doesn't believe that her marriage failed, she just wasn't living the life that she wanted to. Natalie began to live intentionally after her marriage ended, and built the life of her dreams. Natalie began taking small steps, putting herself first, taking control of her own life, and started her own business. 

(39:25) Key Take-aways: 

1.  Learn to forgive yourself 
2. Model the behaviour you want to see 
3. Believe that love is out there. “It's gonna get so good once you get through the shit” 

About Natalie Borch: Natalie is an entrepreneur and an advocate for body acceptance and inclusivity. She rebuilt her life after deciding to leave her marriage in 2015 with a 4 year old in tow. After walking through the fire of divorce, Natalie found her voice and opened The Pink Studio Dance + Fitness because she wanted to create a body-positive and inclusive fitness space in the neighbourhood that celebrated all bodies and abilities. Natalie is engaged to be re-married, and is proud of the successful co-parenting relationship she now has with her ex-husband. 

Content warning - trauma, death, grief

Episode Description

Our co-host, Jen Hoffmeister, tells the story of her husband's sudden death, and how she and her children are learning to navigate their new world. She discusses the events of the day he died, all the firsts without him, the pandemic hitting, and what she wished people knew about grief.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) That Day: Jen talks about the day her husband died, how she told her children, and the first few days leading up to the funeral.

(17:00)  Stages of grief, really?: Jen talks about the idea that the stages of grief aren't really stages that one just systematically moves through. She talks about feeling angry, seeing a therapist, taking medication, and not wanting to socialize.

(26:17) The Firsts: Jen takes us through that first year after Warren dies. The first day of school, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, School events, and Christmas

(37:21) The Pandemic: Jen discusses how the pandemic affected her family, and how they learned to lean into it being just the 3 of them.

(42:41) What people don’t know about grief: Jen describes herself as a single parent vs. a solo parent, and tells us what that means for her. We talk about triggers coming up when you least expect it. We discuss that people are uncomfortable talking about death, don’t know what to say, and want to be helpful but don't know how. She discusses some of the ways people lent help that actually felt helpful.

About Jen Hoffmeister

Jen is an expat from the US living in Toronto. She came to Toronto for love and ended up building a life that, in spite of the tragic end to her love story, she can’t imagine leaving. She’s a mother, widow, writer, podcast creator & host, Director with Beautycounter, and many other things. She believes in the power of our stories and that through sharing them that we are able to connect on a deeper level. You can find Jen at jenhoffmeister.com or on Instagram @boymomonthemove.

Links for more information

Content warning -  Cancer, PTSD, self-harm

Episode Description

In this episode, our co-host Tesha, tells her story of being diagnosed with early-stage Cervical Cancer, her recovery, subsequent PTSD, and post-traumatic growth. She discusses her diagnosis, treatment, toxic positivity, and her journey towards healing from trauma.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Diagnosis: Tesha talks about her response to being diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, having to tell friends and family, and her decision not to tell most people.

(7:58) Toxic Positivity: Tesha talks about the pressure “stay positive”, and keep up appearances, despite her fear and worries, throughout their diagnosis and treatment.

(18:00) The All-Clear: Tesha finally received the news she’d been waiting for, there were no remaining signs of cancer, and she no longer needed treatment, but something didn’t feel quite right.

(22:32) PTSD: Tesha discusses the symptoms leading up to her diagnosis: flashbacks, irritability, hyper-vigilance, nightmares, panic attacks, and dissociation

(27:00) Getting help: Tesha talks about seeing her family doctor for help, taking medication, and finally seeing a therapist.

(34:27) Post-Traumatic Growth: Tesha describes her journey towards post-traumatic growth, how she learned to start talking about her trauma, and began her journey towards growth.

(42:38) Final thoughts: Tesha talks about how others could have supported her during this time. She also talks about what she thinks others in her situation could do to help themselves.

About Tesha Gibbon:

Tesha Gibbon is a Minimalist, and works full-time as an elementary school teacher. She lives with her husband, John and two daughters. She is a co-host of Now What? Podcast, and soon-to-be published co-author. Tesha has survived Cervical Cancer, and PTSD. She is passionate about the power of storytelling, and enjoying the simple things in life. You can find her on Instagram @simply_overcome or follow the podcast @nowwhat_podcast

Links for more information:

In this episode Tesha & Jen share the impetus of the show, who they hope to connect with and what they hope to achieve.