Onesies

Once again exhibiting their herculean patience, Emily and Andrew reach the edge of Sherwood and the end of WHEN THINGS WERE ROTTEN. Listen as they discuss the pleasing oblivion of utterly middling television, seventies sexism, racism, and... probably other things. Plus, Emily reveals next season's series!

And, lo, did our hosts reach the eleventh and twelfth towers and look ahead and say, 'There is Nottingham. Can we quit before we get there?' And they looked upon each other and thee, dear listener, and said, no, we're going all the way. This episode of ROTTEN is really silly and desperate. Joy.

In a twist, Andrew's more enthused by the latest episode--featuring the (fake) twins's birthday parties. Emily's more enthused than Andrew was about the last couple, so... things aren't actually rotten for either of our intrepid hosts, maybe just on their way. Yum.

The Great Onesies MMXXIV Schism continues! In one corner, Emily enjoys the latest episode. In the other, Andrew is mildly bored with the antics. Can the hosts resolve their differences without resorting to breaking chairs and doing powerbombs!?!?! Tune in and find out! Also, they talk about the show, which seriously has some seo challenges.

Emily and Andrew disagree on the quality of the episode itself, but not guest star Paul Williams being delightful. Tune in for some Paul Williams trivia (which one of the hosts assumed both knew), Three Stooges hatin', and much more!

First and foremost, the subject episode isn't anywhere near as racist as hosts Emily and Andrew were worrying. Guest star Thalmus Rasulala is allowed to be good, even, in this episode about church bell theft and fat-shaming (never said it wasn't problematic, just not as racist as the hosts feared). Tune in as they try to remember what happens....

Not even halfway through the season, Emily and Andrew are having... well, they're having a rotten time. This episode features yet another disappointing guest star (hey, no racism or overt misogyny either), and is just really, really boring. Is Robin Hood, at some point, just boring?

Emily and Andrew gingerly return to Sherwood Forest, on the lookout for racist and misogynist jokes, only not to find any. Racism, misogyny, or jokes. Even Ron Rifkin disappoints. At least the world's in great shape so there aren't any dark digressions. Oh wait. Well, anyway, it's short. Tune in!

Welp, Emily and Andrew made it four episodes and then they had to spend an entire episode dissecting the racism of an episode. At least it's from 1975? Some of the dancing is funny? But there's so much racism. And misogyny. Just so much. Enjoy?

Emily and Andrew tag along with the Merry Men as they head to beach for some well-deserved R&R. Too bad the dastardly sheriff has a group of imposters waiting for just an occasion. Tune in as the hosts again discover... sometimes shows are just pretty funny, you know?

Uh oh. Emily and Andrew head to Castle Sherwood and come to a very troubling conclusion--ROTTEN might be anything but. The second episode is a delight, mostly because of guest star Sidney Prescott Caesar, but they did know how to use him. So... it might be really good. We're thrilled but uneasy. Tune in.

Emily and Andrew hop in the nearest time machine and head back to the days of Mel Brooks's Robin Hood, but before the MEN IN TIGHTS movie, when Mel tried his hand at execing with WHEN THINGS WERE ROTTEN. It's weird, problematic, and funny, in varying percentages. Join us!

Like many a great fisherperson before them, Emily and Andrew hazard the seas in search of the elusive giant squid, with nothing to guide them but the historic document of John Lurie and Dennis Hopper's similar attempt, many years ago. Listen as the hosts discover a lot about Dennis Hopper, a little about squid fishing, and nothing about ping pong.

Emily and Andrew head to the frozen wastelands of Maine, where they join John Lurie and Willem Dafoe on their very manly quest for fish, which taunt them from below the frozen lake. It's Emily's favorite FWJ and the show's firing on all cylinders, so everyone has a great time. At least those who aren't ice fishing.

Emily, Andrew, John, and Matt (Dillon) head to scenic Costa Rica where John and Matt maybe duked it out with gringo banditos and machismo-fueled fisherman, powered with nothing but the Fish Dance to ensure a half hour of great television. The Fish Dance is that powerful. Plus, as the narration informs us all, it's probably the best episode anyway. Tune in as Emily and Andrew once again wonder why they ever watched bad shows instead of delightful ones.

Emily and Andrew hitch a ride in a canoe to Jamaica with John and Tom Waits, learning all about how the magic of editing can fake a documentary while also learning to show some grace to the sea sick. Listen as they discuss Herculian feats of Herzogian strength and much more.

Emily and Andrew sail north from Jantique to the wild waters on Montauk, New York, where intrepid shark hunters Jim Jarmusch and John Lurie alternate between airings of grievances, feats of strength, and porported fishing.

Emily and Andrew set the Tardis to delightful--just wait until they get to discussing Neil Patrick Harris--even if there's no more (onscreen) Wilf. Listen as they discuss working time travel, musical numbers, German accents, special effects, growing units, and, well, yes, that new Doctor fellow.

Emily and Andrew pass through the galactic barrier to the very edge of the known universe for a done-in-one episode for David Tennant and Catherine Tate's Doctor Donna, albeit one involving fifteen years of television show canon and, well, billions of years of story time. Listen as they discuss special effects, robots, puzzles, chemistry, icky badness, and so much more.

Well, dear listeners, the day has arrived. Emily and Andrew enjoy talking about the subject episode again. It's only been 65 million years. And enjoy they do, because the first DOCTOR WHO special (small spoiler, no doctor who? joke yet) is a complete delight. It's a new forward facing era for the Doctor, done right (so far).

Current outlook for escaping Jantique after the specials conclude? Promising.

During this week's episode, Andrew makes a comment about how the only good performance in the episode is the poor guy whose job it is to try to tell the terrible white medical students not to be racist, especially not when they're on a Caribbean island where everyone is Black. Since "Going to Extremes" doesn't have a complete IMDb listing, the actor's name was unknown to our unprepared hosts as they recorded the episode. Andrew and Emily have a bunch to say this episode, it's delightful. At least when they're talking about not watching "Going to Extremes" for a while.

However, in preparing the show art, Andrew discovered the IMDb situation is even worse than... well, let's be honest, "Going to Extremes" isn't something anyone else remembers. Except the actor playing the farmer is John Jones. There's no John Jones on IMDb who matches him, no pictures on Google. Except a single image for a YouTube video. John Jones sings WHERE DO THE CHILDREN PLAY.

John Jones of "Going to Extremes" may not be John Jones the reggae singer of the 1970s, who doesn't have a Wikipedia, doesn't have any mentions besides some reggae forums and YouTube comments. He's got a Greatest Hits. The cover image is a woman in a bikini. Barely in a bikini. It's on Apple Music and it seems worth a listen. Even if you don't do reggae.

"Going to Extremes" has been about the active supplanting of Black people's stories for these tedious, shallow, insipid, feckless white people. But it gave this guy a spot on primetime (albeit ABC) and there was something to this casting. Presumably. It'd be on par for "Extremes" to unknowingly cast a Jamaican music star.

Or there's just some other guy named John Jones.

Either way. They both ought to be findable online. "Extremes" John Jones is either an actor, who's good and his filmography ought to exist, or he's a 1970s reggae star, who hasn't been forgotten by fans, but has been missed by the Internet. Not good. Do better, Internet.

Also, yes, John Marshall Jones was on "Joe's Life." No, we cannot escape it. We never realized watching one season wonders and blunders would open the Pandora's Box of lousy ABC coincidences.

We're sorry.

After a week of bliss away from Jantique, Emily and Andrew return for a perfect storm of GOING TO EXTREMES' worst instincts. Charlie (and friends) don't like being told not to be racist monsters, Alex has mommy domme issues with his sex prof, and Roy D gets jealous of other people not having to be Roy D. Join us?

In the world of Onesies, a pause comes to light,

Emily sends word, a break in their flight.

Schedules entwined, not syncing just right,

One host watched the show, the other missed the sight.

And there's Emily, post-booster, in a quiet repose,

Recovering gently, as the downtime she chose.

Yet, fear not for the gap, it's brief, they propose,

For next week they return, as their commitment shows.

They'll dive into "Going to Extremes," episode eleven,

Back in Television Land, their discussion heaven.

Emily and Andrew find themselves torn between an actual effective--albeit ripped straight from NORTHERN EXPOSURE--plotline with guest star Jon Seneca and the latest "Cheryl's Black and she says it's okay for Charlie to be afraid of Black people" plotline. Listen as the hosts remain in bargaining limbo, hoping against hope something bad won't happen, but it's EXTREMES so of course it will.

Emily and Andrew officially pass the halfway point through GOING TO EXTREMES. Will they rename the pod to "WE HATE THIS SHOW" in honor of EXTREMES? Probably not. Tune in and listen as they discuss the show's tropes: learning from your racism halfway through the episode instead of the end, why they've got the white lady intent on making the Black lady hate the other Black people, and bad music.

It's another week in Paradise, or whatever hellish approximation of it GOING TO EXTREMES thinks they're doing. But at least there's less racism? So much more misogyny than usual, though. Listen as Emily and Andrew discuss child brides, getting in character, inappropriate touching, appropriate touching, and just how many more episodes until the halfway point.

Emily and Andrew are back for another week of GOING TO EXTREMES. This time they wonder... why they're leaning into the racism, where the responsible people have gone, and why... just why. There may be some good tangents, but no promises.

Another week(ish), another EXTREME outing for Emily and Andrew. Tune in as they discuss a really good idea for a show where Joanna Going and Delroy Lindo fall in love, miss getting to watch DRACULA: THE SERIES, and wonder why EXTREMES decided Andy Lauer plays the best racist.

Emily and Andrew return to their penance for god knows what, a.k.a. the ABC "Northern Exposure in the Bahamas*" failed effort... GOING TO EXTREMES. This episode's about nothing, being a white savior, and very unhealthy teacher-student relationships. But it's short and sweet, at least (our episode, not theirs; theirs is an eldritch horror).

In an unexpected twist, Emily and Andrew diverge on the episode--Andrew thinks it's the best GOING TO EXTREMES so far, Emily's not so sure. But then Andrew's basing it on the romance between Colin and Kim being a real thing and not some weird, bad nineties thing. Also Joanna Going is bad. And awkwardly hostile to Erika Alexander, who's good. But at least there's no teacher-student sexual predation?

Remember how much fun it was to make Motherboy jokes about Desi Arnez Jr. on AUTOMAN? Well, GOING TO EXTREMES decided to do it straight-faced. But don't worry, there's Elektra opportunities too. Unexpected ones even. Emily and Andrew's biggest selection mistake continues to be... their biggest selection mistake. Enjoy!

The title says it all.

As if.

Emily and Andrew once again descend into GOING TO EXTREMES and find the show's "hold my beer" approach to being problematic... well, problematic. Plus, Wilford Brimley does not actually guest star, so you'll have to tune in to find out the reference. And then never forget it. Barf.

Emily and Andrew are GOING TO EXTREMES, whether they like it or not. Listen as they head down to the Carribean (probably filmed on location in Jamaica) for another Pre-Disney ABC show, complete with butts, and so many problematic white boys. But at least it's not incompetent.

Emily and Andrew have weathered the malestrom and survived, reaching JOE'S finest half-hour... when the show seemed to consider a refocus for the back nine. Or maybe it's just coincidentally the best of the worst. Listen as they say some regretful, but honest, things. And find out what's coming next season on ONESIES!

Emily and Andrew have now weathered 90% of the extant JOE'S LIFE episodes and they've got thoughts. And tangents. Buckle up and buckle in for a lot of talking about bad sitcoms, loathsome characterization, toxic masculinity, and James Marsden. Also mullets.

Ol' Jack Scratch has got out his ice skates because Emily and Andrew find themselves complimenting... JOE'S LIFE? Well, specifically and singularly special guest star George Coe, who sells it. The episode's still a mess, but there's good acting. It's been so long since Emily and Andrew have seen good acting from anyone but Mimi Kennedy and then only occasionally because the show doesn't do right by her at all. Definitely not here. Anyway. Who knew our intrepid hosts could ever be so bullish?

Despite JOE'S LIFE still being a miserable stink pile, Emily and Andrew manage to stay more on course--though most of the episode might be spent getting through the cold open--as they discuss toxic masculinity and pointed misanthropy. Tune in for all the fun (of discussing early nineties popular media).

It's another extra long episode full of tangly tangents, intentional and not, as Emily and Andrew head once more into the fiery hellscape of 1993 known as... JOE'S LIFE. Listen as they talk about better media. Listen as they compliment Mimi Kennedy. Listen as they go beyond the looking glass through multiple dimensions of misogyny. And as they gaze upon the horror, so too the horror gazes upon them. Beware.

Join Emily and Andrew as they refuse to let the creative misery and misogynist relic of JOE'S LIFE drag them down, so instead they go on a million tangents. Anything to keep themselves entertained...since Joe's Life fails at every attempt. It's ABC, after all.

Emily and Andrew settle in for some primo early nineties life lessons about how women shop and men buy, which can't even muster mildly amusing sexism thanks to the lousy writing. But at least there's a good (very supporting) guest star?

Emily and Andrew do manage find something they like about this episode--though it's just Mimi Kennedy, basically--while they wonder why the show couldn't be about the parents using protection to spare the world from JOE'S LIFE.

Emily and Andrew settle in for an early nineties PSA/pre-Disney ABC sitcom about how smoking is bad and it's probably your mom's fault. Definitely not dad's. Listen as they discuss rising about the material (okay, they don't talk about this one very much), okay Google searching, bad parenting, and toxic masculinity. It's the toxic masculinity season, actually. Though... aren't they all?

Emily and Andrew celebrate Pride with a tangent-heavy first episode of the season as they find themselves distracted by actual good news of the world, but manage to bring it all together to discuss bad parenting (on purpose), toxic and fragile masculinity (couple oxymorons there), and much more.

Emily and Andrew bid a fond farewell to CHESSGAME, despite the finale not being fully realizing the show's potential, and being able to make numerous comparisons to a particular Canadian production about a Carpathian count. But for CHESSGAME, they leave amused, confused, and delighted (by the fasion). They also announce next season's show, though Emily doesn't let Andrew spoil one of the major reasons they picked it. Or at least, the major reason he's excited for it.

In the latest in their series of learned observations, Emily and Andrew head to Oxford for the penultimate episode of CHESSGAME, where we learn they do appear to be doing the cuckold subplot, David (Terence Stamp) got a promotion even though his boss is woke, and much more. What Emily and Andrew don't do talk about is how they're almost done with the good TV show they've been watching and it's about to get hot and steamy once again.

Emily and Andrew continue to battle their most formidable opponent--a show getting better as it goes along. Now technically halfway through CHESSGAME (which is somehow getting less problematic as it goes), they discuss confounding espionage, corrupt politicians, and old British drunkards.

Another week, another... good hour of television? Tune in and find out what Emily and Andrew thinking--other than Terence Stamp and Robin Sachs are super-sexy, of course, which is 24.3% of the show. But there's mystery--and espionage--and good television afoot.

Emily and Andrew once again find themselves trying to suss out good television and, even with the racism, sexism, and general bigotry, find it hard to complain too much about eighties anti-James Bond James Bond. They do have a lot to say about outfits, saucy British television, as well as MI-5 work ethic.

No Dracula: The Series jokes, folks, because we've moved on! Finally! Emily and Andrew head back to 1983 Britain for some CHESSGAME, starring Terence Stamp (don't google him and brexit btw), some other people not to google, maybe one person you can google, and lots of talk about espionage, commercial breaks, and, sadly, commonplace bigotry. But it's a good show. We barely remember what those are.

Emily and Andrew celebrate the final episode of DRACULA: THE SERIES with... an admiration for the episode? Tune in to find out how bad they've got the Stockholm Syndrome, listen as they discuss continuity, scary bad guys, and unlocked castles. AND they announce next season's show!