The OptimalWork Podcast

#191: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres review the book “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt. “The Anxious Generation” attributes the skyrocketing levels of anxiety among youth, particularly Gen Z, in large part to the widespread use of smartphones and social media. The negative effects of smartphones include social disconnection, sleep deprivation, attentional problems, and addiction. Haidt recommends dramatically restricting kids’ access to the “virtual world,” while also encouraging them to engage more with the real world. Sharif and Dr. Majeres summarize Haidt’s insights and show how they connect to key OptimalWork concepts like challenge and ideals.

#190: In her recent best-seller “Bad Therapy,” Abigail Shrier argues that therapy for children causes more problems than it solves. Shrier critiques the approach many therapists take as based on a flawed understanding of human nature, and she also draws attention to data suggesting that modern therapy is not stopping the increase in rates of anxiety, depression, etc. and may even be increasing them. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore Shrier’s work, arguing that while much of her critique is valid, it only applies to a certain subset of therapy. The solution to bad psychology is good psychology, not no psychology.

One of the least-discussed emotions may be the most powerful in bringing about well-being. When was the last time you were filled with awe? People may think of awe as a nice-to-have emotion, but not needed for living a good life. Recent research, however, suggests that awe may be essential to true thriving.

#188: It can be tempting to fit people into our categories: we think things like, “she’s sanguine,” “he’s not good at math,” “she’s shy,” “he’s melancholic.” We may even convince ourselves that these labels help us people as they want to or ought to be treated. But taken too far, labels prevent us from forming meaningful relationships with people. They can limit what we say or do, leading us to avoid certain topics of conversation or shared activities, and sometimes even introduce fear into the relationship. To form true bonds, we need to be radically open to the other person and treat them as a unique individual.

#187: The brain’s models and predictions play a central role in the vicious cycles that drive procrastination, dread, and anxiety. When your brain assess a challenge as a threat, often it’s predicting some pain, or shame and sounds the alarm to get you to avoid it. To reverse these vicious cycles and transform them into virtuous ones, we need to shape our brain’s predictions, de-fusing from our models, opening up to reality, and asking: How can this bring out my best? What would a new and better way of doing this look like?

#186: Why do we sometimes feel like we're at war with ourselves? In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres dive into a therapy approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS), exploring how our mind has various parts — protectors and exiles — which are sometimes in conflict. Approaching these parts with curiosity and compassion paves the way to resilience and growth. IFS offers value tools for everyday life and self-therapy. This discussion is geared toward empowering you to apply these learnings to your own internal challenges, fostering a path to flourishing.

#185: What motivates you to get up in the morning? What motivates you to continue working on a challenging task? Learning how to motivate yourself is essential to true success, but so many people are motivated by a fear of failure, that is, by shame. In this episode, we discuss the relationship between shame and motivation, how to tap into deeper sources of motivation, and how to overcome shame using techniques from Internal Family Systems (IFS). In our next episode, we’ll discuss more in-depth how to apply IFS.

Negative feedback is a part of life. It’s also essential in helping us identify our biggest opportunities for growth. In this episode, we discuss how to give and receive negative feedback and the role it plays in the social dimension of growth.

#183: Overcoming anxiety occurs in three successive stages. In the third and final installment of a three episode series, we discuss stage three: using adrenaline to achieve maximal growth. Stage one, bronze-work, centers on challenging yourself by engaging triggers head-on, and it has the effect of habituating the fear associated with that particular trigger. Stage two, silver-work, centers on being mindful of the alarm as it’s sounding, and it helps you accept the discomfort associated with triggers in general. Finally, stage three, gold-work, helps you focus on transcendent goals — skills, ideals, and bonds — so that the adrenaline you have brings out your best.

#181: Overcoming anxiety occurs in three successive stages. In this first installment of a three episode series, we discuss stage one: confronting the trigger of anxiety head-on, embracing the fear. Over time, the trigger will habituate; as you challenge yourself, the fear you experience will gradually diminish. You can then develop a sense of daring, which is the beginning of the second stage, the topic of next week’s episode.

#180: When a child does something wrong, your first instinct may be justice: to punish them. In this episode, we discuss “No-Drama Discipline,” by Daniel Siegal and Tina Bryson, exploring how to discipline children in a way that builds your bond with them and promotes their moral development. By connecting with your child, helping him or her gain insight into what went wrong, and look for ways to repair and reintegrate, discipline becomes a way of actually deepening your bond with them, rather than a source of friction.

#179: Difficult situations can feel intolerable. That intolerable feeling is produced by dynorphins and it makes us want to give up and abandon the difficulty we’re facing, whether it’s exercise, a difficult task, time in the sauna, or some small annoyance. But the more we embrace the dynorphin effect — the intolerable feeling — the more we develop a kind of inner strength. And, paradoxically, we end up unleashing a subsequent wave of endorphins, which cause feelings of wellbeing and improved mood. In this episode, we discuss how to harness this effect to grow in ideals and form deeper bonds.

#178: What do you do when you feel tired? Go back to sleep? Take a nap? Power through? In this episode, we discuss a number of approaches to overcoming tiredness, from tracking your levels of fatigue (not recommended) to changing up your diet. But the ultimate approach draws on all the principles of OptimalWork and will actually help you harness tiredness for increased energy!

#177: The goal of OptimalWork is to help people challenge themselves according to their highest ideals in each task. In this episode, we dive deeper into this core concept, showing how challenge is the surest path to growth.

#176: Whenever we do something repeatedly, we’ll tend eventually to do it in a rote, automatic way. This even applies to OptimalWork’s core practices: reframing, mindfulness, and challenge. In this episode we show how curiosity can help you overcome this tendency and bring a sense of newness to every challenge you face.

#174: Mindfulness lies at the heart of OptimalWork’s approach. Living your highest ideals means being fully present, fully engaged with reality. Cultivating this habit is the work of mindfulness. But mindfulness rests on a set of apparent contradictions. Foremost among them is this: while mindfulness involves accepting reality as it is, it is often used as a way of achieving personal or behavioral change. In this episode, we discuss this apparent paradox and others, shedding light on the true nature of mindfulness and how to practice it most effectively.

#173: The two fundamental ways you can relate to challenge are approach and avoidance. Typically, approach leads to a virtuous cycle: the challenge gets easier and more enjoyable over time as you grow in mastery. Avoidance, on the other hand, often leads to a vicious cycle of increasing difficulty and pain. In this episode we further break down approach into three levels — tolerating, accepting, and loving the challenge — to show how to speed up the virtuous cycle and maximize your growth in the process.

#172: Many people think that they and others work best under extreme external pressure: impending deadlines, demanding bosses, etc. In this rebroadcast, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif Younes discuss better ways to achieve intensity.

#170: With rising rates of anxiety and depression, some have suggested that managers be trained to provide “mental-health first aid” to employees in distress. In this episode, we discuss the best ways managers can help employees thrive at work, how to help them grow, and how to balance the need to get results from their teams with the ideal of supporting and mentoring them.

#169: What’s the best way to prevent distractions? Are prevention techniques — like website blockers — effective? In this episode, we discuss different strategies aimed at behavior change. We argue that the source of the most sustainable behavior change is to build self-mastery through right action. By doing this, you’ll be laying the foundations for new predictions by your brain. Over time, it will come along and be no longer a source of friction, but a great help in pursuing meaningful action.

#168: Reframing is a practice that developed from cognitive behavioral therapy. It means discovering the opportunity present within a challenge. If you face a challenge that causes anxiety, distraction, or burnout, reframing can help you approach it more effectively. But reframing can do more. It will also help you harmonize the different parts of your life so everything is working in the same direction: toward your highest ideals.

#167: At the heart of our approach is the practice of a Golden Hour: preparing your mind for a time of work, focusing on one thing, and setting a stop time in advance. Doing a Golden Hour brings the key practices of psychology into your hour of work, so you not only do your best work, but you also practice bringing your highest ideals into your actions, which is the entire goal of OptimalWork. In this episode, we discuss the genesis of the Golden Hour, how to do it well, and some common questions about how to tailor it do different situations.

#166: Shame is the emotion we feel when we fear that our failures or weaknesses will become known. This fear can lead us to pursue certain outcomes as defenses — money, success, prestige, etc. — or to shy away from challenges that will expose us. In this episode, we discuss how to experience and accept shame, and why doing so gives us a profound freedom and unlocks the most meaningful forms of growth. 

#165: When people experience cognitive dissonance — that is, a clash between one’s self-concept and reality — they will tend to favor their self-concept, and can rationalize this bias in a process of self-justification. This process can thwart meaningful personal growth. In this episode, we discuss self-justification, how to identify it and how to overcome it — and a clever way to use it to develop deeper bonds.

#164: It’s a widespread belief that when experiencing negative emotions like anger or frustration, it’s helpful to vent them. In fact, this practice is counterproductive. Studies indicate that when people express negative emotions in this way, far from letting them out, they in fact get more of them. This result is confirmed by a consideration of the neuroscience of perception and appraisal. In this episode, we discuss the origin of the theory of catharsis, why it’s wrong, and what to do instead — and what to do if someone is venting to you.

#163: In their 2019 book “The Power of Agency,” Paul Napper and Anthony Rao lay out their theory of growth and happiness, which centers on the concept of “agency.” In this episode, we compare their seven principles with OptimalWork’s approach, and show how ideals are essential to true agency.

#162: Procrastination is something of a mystery. Its costs — decreased quality of work, fraying of bonds with others, increased negative emotions like stress, even health effects — are universally acknowledged. Yet procrastination persists — or, put precisely, people persist in procrastinating. In this episode, we discuss the primary cause of procrastination (a reluctance to experience negative emotions like stress or reluctance), how it leads to a vicious cycle of procrastination, and how to overcome it.

#161: This episode continues our discussion of Alfie Kohn’s “Punished by Rewards.” Kohn believes that a person’s motivation (especially a child’s) starts out pure but gets corrupted by rewards and praise. Here we explore the possibility that intrinsic motivation is actually something that develops over time, and thus behavioralist psychology, rather than destroying intrinsic motivation, in fact opens up a path to it.

#160: In this episode, we explore the radical claims made by Alfie Kohn in his 1993 book Punished by Rewards. Kohn, an expert in education and psychology, argues against the use of rewards to incentivize behavior. For Kohn, such incentives cause people to lose intrinsic motivation: for instance, kids get motivated by grades, not learning; employees get motivated by money, not creativity and service. 

#158: Conversations can be a source of frustration, but they can also be the source of our deepest and most fulfilling joys. The bonds that we form with others are forged in large part through conversations. In this episode, we’ll talk about the key skill needed to have good conversations.

#157: Do you have any anxiety that you feel might be holding you back? In fact, anxiety is like a forge that you can use to shape yourself according to your highest ideals. In this episode, we show you how to find the challenge at the root of your anxiety and engage it as a unique opportunity.

#156: Do you ever find that you don’t have enough time to accomplish all the things you’d like to? Small blocks of time may seem inconsequential, but they add up. Making wise use of these blocks can increase your productivity by 20% — the difference between getting ahead and falling behind. How to do it? That’s the topic of today’s rebroadcast.

#155: A lot of people have heard about the practices of sleep hygiene, and are using them, but still struggle to achieve sleep. It may seem like sleep is something that either happens effortlessly or not at all. Recent research, however, suggests that falling asleep is a skill that can be learned.

#154: The pain you experience from negative emotions is your brain’s way of predicting and preparing you for some kind of avoidant behavior. In this episode, we’ll show you how to most directly change your brain’s predictions and thus attain a new mastery over discomfort.

#153: When you experience anything — tiredness, pain, distractions — you’re engaging not just reality, but also your brain’s predictions. This insight has profound consequences for how you should engage challenges like tiredness, and for the types of beliefs you should have about yourself. In this episode, we discuss how to interpret and respond to your experiences and your brain’s predictions.

#151: More and more people report experiencing “imposter syndrome,” often in new and challenging social or professional situations. They are unable to internalize their own success, attributing it instead to external factors like chance or luck; as a result, they often see themselves as “frauds.” In this rebroadcast, we introduce a solution to imposter syndrome that gives us independence from the validation and judgements of others.

#150: If you think you waste too much time—for example, on social media, internet, and entertainment—there is likely some part of you that is urging you to do better. In this rebroadcast, we show how to redirect the energy of these different “parts” of you—the one seeking entertainment, and the one criticizing your time wasting—in order to integrate them and achieve inner harmony.

#149: Are you hypnotized right now? It might surprise you to learn that, in a technical sense, you very well may be. Understanding how trances work, the topic of today’s rebroadcast, will allow you to free your attention from the things that capture it.

#148: We work in order to produce something of value for others. In order to work better, rest is important to restore ourselves and maintain energy. But activities of leisure carry us beyond rest to contemplation, and are done for their own sake. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif discuss the relationship between rest, work, and leisure.

#147: Sometimes it may seem like the outcome is the most important thing you need to obtain: the perfect grade, the well-deserved promotion, or the necessary money. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif discuss the superiority of growth goals and why you should never aim for outcomes as ends in themselves.

#146: Toxic positivity means invalidating the negative emotions of others. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif discuss how to engage negative emotions — in ourselves and others — in a constructive way, by being understanding and encouraging, rather than positively toxic.

#145: Over the past five years, OptimalWork has grown into a unique and powerful digital platform for growth, centered on our MasterClass. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the history of our digital platform and recent findings about how effective the MasterClass is in helping people achieve behavior change.

#144: Do you think you have a bad memory? Do you think summer goes by too fast? It turns out, there’s one solution for both problems. In this rebroadcast, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss strategies that can both improve your memory and enrich your experiences, which can apply to making your summer more fruitful and making it seem longer.

#143: Working with a spirit of service lies at the core of working at your best. But the spirit of service has a doppelgänger: aiming to please people. This often arises from motives of fear (fear of conflict, etc.), whereas service is rooted in love. In this episode, we compare these two motivations, and discuss how to escape the trap of seeking to please others.

#142: Is it possible to sustain a high level of challenge throughout the day? At first, it may seem daunting. But embracing challenge brings growth and with it an increase in energy. The key is to embrace challenges in order to serve, so that challenges are not about improving yourself in isolation, but deepening the bonds with those around you.