Past Imperfect: The Alchemy of Transforming Trauma
By Samantha Seager and Jude Claybourne
In Past Imperfect, Sam Seager and Jude Claybourne take an honest and personal look at recovery from trauma, addiction and narcissistic abuse from a refreshingly light perspective.
We’re two friends who love each other, have experienced trauma and have (ultimately) felt enriched by it.
We've found that moving the focus away from blame and towards taking responsibility for our own conscious growth can transform trauma from a crippling burden to a nourishing gift.
Join us in our conversations and explorations
Past Imperfect: The Alchemy of Transforming Trauma Jul 26, 2020
Hibo Wardere: Transforming the Trauma of FGM into Action
In this final episode of the series, we interview Hibo Wardere, author of Cut - a memoir of her own experience of FGM at the hands of her family as a six-year-old child and her subsequent journey with the trauma of that experience.
TRIGGER WARNING: detailed description of the female genital mutilation and vaginal cutting of children
Hibo is a committed campaigner against FGM, both in the UK and all over the world. Hibo speaks openly about her experience, the trauma, betrayal and pain of being cut and its impact on her relationship with her family and with herself.
We talk about protecting girls in our own communities - FGM is still practised on children living in the UK - and how to get involved. She makes the concept personal and real, and gives an insight on the role of men in FGM, the impact of the pandemic on the prevalence of cutting and gender-based violence and the economic machine that fuels the .
We also touch on the work of Rhobi Samwelli in Tanzania, an FGM survivor who risks her life to provide safe houses for girls at risk of being cut. Every year, hundreds of girls risk their lives and their connection with their families to escape the damage that is planned for them.
If you'd like to donate to support girls at risk of being cut now (during the annual cutting season), please click through here: https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/safe-house-training-centre-tanzania/. Even the price of a cappuccino will feed a girl for a few days. Give what you can.
Follow Hibo and support her work: https://twitter.com/HiboWardere https://www.instagram.com/hibowardere/
Read her book
16 days of activism against FGM: https://16dayscampaign.org 25th November to 10th December
Get help
If you think you are at risk of cutting, are concerned for a child or would like to access emotional support or medical services for yourself related to genital mutilation, we've included a list of resources below. Our list is UK-centric, but if you have access to the internet, you can find out about resources in your country.
Children can call the NSPCC,
Children can call Childline for free on 0800 1111
Adults who are concerned about a child can call their local Police station or the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000
Forward UK has a comprehensive list of ways to get help on their website: https://www.forwarduk.org.uk/i-need-help/
This includes your local authority, emergency services and non-emergency Police services.
http://nationalfgmcentre.org.uk - education about harmful practices
http://nationalfgmcentre.org.uk/uk-fgm-services/ Resources and support for survivors of FGM across the UK
Most London hospitals, and many across the country, have FGM clinics. You can attend to get support, medical help and talk about reconstructive surgery
https://inthenameofyourdaughterfilm.com/trailer/
You'll notice that some pesky dogs do some barking during this episode. Given the context, I think it's the least of our worries.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
A Little Bit About Fear
We talk about fear and how to metabolise it, reframe it and live alongside. We also touch on the system we live on, the film 'The Father'
about the system we live in and Sammy does a mighty job of reading a poem (copied below). These are exciting times to be alive. Enjoy!
Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning
If This is a Man, Primo Levi: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/275630.If_This_Is_a_Man?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=XYO7RiKWWl&rank=2
https://t.me/staceysworldrocks Telegram group for Staceys World Rocks
https://rumble.com/vn7lf5-monopoly-who-owns-the-world-must-see.html Monopoly Who Runs the World about Black Rock and Vanguard.
Eddie Chilvers https://eddiechilvers.bandcamp.com/album/change-your-mind
This is Vanity: Watch on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40zqsPvGTfw
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
by Rudyard Kipling.
Midsommar, Narcissism and How Cults Capitalise on Loneliness
The dark masterpiece Midsommar is the topic of this excitable episode. Ari Aster's 2019 movie is a multi-layered study of narcissistic behaviour – overt, covert, blatant and so slick and sophisticated you'll get a warm glow while it's happening. We look at how the film showcases gaslighting and codependence in relationships and in cults and how they isolate people using intense love, nurture and seeming acceptance. And we delve into how the film not only shows brainwashing, but practices it, drawing us in and giving us the warm and fuzzies at the most manipulative of moments.
It's full of SPOILERS, so if you haven't seen the movie, it's streaming on Netflix and other online sources right now. See it first. Be warned, it is a horror movie, even though it works very differently to the classic horror template.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: there's lots of talk of cults and how they abuse people, narcissism, manipulation, victim-blaming and extreme grief, as well as talk of the murder/suicide of family members. We are talking about horror and manipulation, too, so strap in, and if you're feeling sensitive today, go gentle on yourself. I'm afraid our sound is janky again. We're working out how to get clean recordings on both sides while we do our live recordings on Zoom. Thank you for your patience while we work on solving this issue.
Resources Acolytes of Horror: Nathan, video essayist, philosopher and artist: @LIGHTNINGWOW https://www.patreon.com/NathansArtProject
Watch Nathan's intelligent and comprehensive video essay on how Midsommar brainwashes you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr2j0o_B2mw Also packed with spoliers.
HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
The Work of Byron Katie - is it miraculous, dangerous or somewhere between and can you use it with narcissistic abuse
We take a dive into Byron Katie, her four-question format for living in the present and the criticisms. Is 'the work' dangerous - is it traumatising victim-blaming? Could it persuade abused people to take responsibility for the abuse they have experienced (or are experiencing)?
We discuss Jude's experience of working with Byron Katie on a live call and our joint experience of trying to do the process together.
Loving What Is https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/9762.Loving_What_Is
www.thework.com: the Byron Katie website where you can download worksheets, get guidance on the format and access a free helpline of volunteers if you're stuck.
Melanie Tonia Evans recovery from narcissistic abuse: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com
John-Paul Flintoff https://flintoff.org
Homecoming: Reclaiming Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12124.Homecoming?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Rjlb2o58wb&rank=1
Have you done The Work? If you have, what was your experience?
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. When we talk about difficult topics, we always have in mind that with work, trauma can be alchemised into resilience, strength and recovery.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Victim-blaming, Gaslighting and Radical Personal Responsibility
This week, we talk about how victim-blaming, gaslighting and personal radical responsibility relate to each other. It's fair to say that we take a few detours on the way there - fruitful ones, we hope - and that we have no slick answers to any of our questions.
There are a few blips and bumps and scratchy noises on this recording. Soz.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: We mention/discuss domestic abuse, sexual abuse in ways that some people may find triggering (but without descriptive detail).
Homecoming - Reclaiming and Healing your Inner Child by John Bradshaw: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12124.Homecoming
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-step recovery program: www.adultchildren.org
Byron Katie's 'The Work': https://thework.com
Melanie Tonia Evans NARP program - recovery after narcissistic abuse. www.melanietoniaevans.com
Refuge - support for women, children and men against domestic abuse: https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/. (UK)
Women's Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk (UK) or womensaid.ie (Ireland)
Key and Peele sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLnUJzueBOQ
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people and self-confessed bangers-on with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. Neither of us is a trained psychotherapist or counsellor, so we're unable to offer direct support for specific situations, but there are always organisations or programs that can help.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com - check out her newly recorded song here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CVqilTAoldo/?utm_medium=share_sheet
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
The Self Care Conundrum
In this episode, we talk about self care. Not the expensive spa and luxury face mask kind, which makes both of us a little bit sick in our mouths, but the real, sometimes uncomfortable, boundary-setting kind, or the kind of self-care that sees you resist an enticing addictive pattern or get enough sleep. We talk addiction, dopamine hits, epigenetic trauma passed down through generations, and lots, lots more (just look at the list of resources).
As is often the case with home studios, there are banging noises from neighbours and an occasional kitten. It was recorded in February this year, so you'll notice a few anachronisms and you'll already know the answers to a few of the doubts we express.
We'd love to hear from you about your own version of self care. Email us or hit us up on Instagram or twitter. Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
You can contact Joanna Jane Delves about her work on joannajanedelves@gmail.com
CG Jung's shadow work: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)
HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com
Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/774565.The_Dark_Side_of_the_Light_Chasers
Holly Whitaker on quitting alcohol: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/45434420-quit-like-a-woman
Pleasure Unwoven 12-minute film on the science of addiction and dopamine seeking: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFcAQdEwDhY Tiny bit annoying, but fascinating nevertheless.
Melanie Tonia Evans on self-partnering: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-is-self-partnering/
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) www.adultchildren.org and a free beginners' handbook: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zRQpAUz4HylqrFN-KjFq879XKi_5UxM9/view
Emma Watson on self-partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UPbkWWusWg Note: It seems that while this resonated with lots of people, it was also derided in a sneery way. Fuck 'em, I say. Hollywood prefers romantic love stories to people being complete in their own right.
Lama Lena: https://lamalenateachings.com
Visit Sammy's You Tube channel about narcissism: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Disclosure, Supporting Friends and Clare's Law
This episode deals with important questions such as 'how do you support someone who's in the grip of addiction to a substance or abusive person?' and 'should you warn someone if you have experienced abuse at the hands of somebody they're involved with?'
We also discuss Clare's Law, where you can request information on any person of concern to discover whether they have a police record of abuse against women.
It's a rich one that covers lots of topics. There's enough links to background material in this one to keep you busy for a couple of weeks. Enjoy!
UK Government's Clare's Law (Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-factsheet
Sammy's Narcissism YouTube on Clare's Law: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd1Usecm5Nw
Sammy's Narcissism YouTube on 24 Hours in Police Custody - a female narcissist in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nX9X5jIM40
Watch Holy Hell trailer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f2BG43JW0o - you can rent the full-length documentary on YouTube or Google for a few quid. And another clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwfJoHt_ywE
Melanie Tonia Evans NARP program - recovery after narcissistic abuse.
HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
The Guru Factor - Narcissism in Spiritual Communities
Inspired by Holy Hell, the fascinating documentary by Will Allen, we spend this episode talking about the guru factor, and about the film itself. What makes spiritual communities of seekers such fertile ground for narcissistic abuse? What are the red flags to watch out? As always, we also touch on our own experiences of this kind of abuse.
It's a juicy one. Please note that there are moments when the sound quality is compromised and there's some weird banging in the background. We hope you enjoy the episode anyway. As always, there's a level of humour despite a heavy topic.
TRIGGER WARNING: we discuss abuse within spiritual communities, cults, rape and sexual manipulation by a leader/"master".
Watch Holy Hell trailer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f2BG43JW0o - you can rent the full-length documentary on YouTube or Google for a few quid. And another clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwfJoHt_ywE
A link to the cult education forum https://forum.culteducation.com/read.php?12,47136,page=2 on Tara/MISA/Natha yoga and tantra school. https://metro.co.uk/2021/08/11/the-bachelor-australias-ashleigh-freckleton-escaped-a-cult-15076160/ There are also articles online by followers that claim that this organisation has been persecuted. My own personal experience supports the former perception - there'll be a link to our first past imperfect blog very soon with details. Make up your own mind about this.
Check out Oracle girl here: https://www.oraclegirl.org
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.
Visit Sammy's You Tube channel about narcissism: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
The 12 Steps of ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families)
In this juicy episode, Sammy interviews Jude about her personal experience of the 12-step program Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA). As it was originally a provision for Alateens who'd got too old to continue but still suffered the effects of their dysfunctional childhoods, the name still has 'alcoholics' in the title. In fact, it's a program for anyone whose childhood abandonment/neglect - whether caused by addiction, abuse, shaming, religious or militaristic strictness among other things - prevents them from enjoying their adult lives to the full.
We address some of the fears we expressed in our last mention of 12-step programs - before either of us had done one - the God bit and the 'this is the only way' discomfort. Jude's found a program that really fits, and she talks a little bit about how that is for her. There's talk of inner child and reparenting work too.
This will be the first of two episodes on this topic this series. It was recorded back in February, when Jude was working through Step 2. There'll be a second, a little further down the line. The proof of this particular pudding is in the way it changes how we live in the world, so it'll be interesting to see the results 8/9 months and 7/8 steps further down the line.
International site: https://adultchildren.org - you can find meetings all over the world, online or in person, order literature and general information about the program.
UK site: https://www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk
Beginners' handbook from the Sunday beginners' meeting - an easy (and free) way in full of week-by-week questions and suggested resources: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zRQpAUz4HylqrFN-KjFq879XKi_5UxM9/view This booklet contains all of the standard documents - the laundry list of traits/behaviours, the promises, the problem and the solution, according to ACA.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Link to Sammy's You Tube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Series 2 Take 2: Here We go Again
This week, we get honest about the process we've been through between Series 1 and Series 2, our dance with our own addictions and blind spots and how our projections onto other people always have their roots in our own bellies.
There are dirty potatoes, a fair amount of inadvertent cackling and information about the shape of episodes to come.
Byron Katie's work is available on her YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8dvufocK9zM6KnkronGbzA
Link to Sammy's You Tube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Series 2 Episode 1 Kinder Oracle
We’ll be publishing a new episode every week, many of which we recorded back in February this year, covering topics from supporting friends in abusive relationships (and looking after yourself) to how narcissistic leaders are rife in spiritual communities. We’ll touch on Clare’s Law, 12-step programs, self-care and much more.
As always, there's a balance of seriousness and lightness and in this series, our intention is to balance our fascination with the effects of trauma with ways to generate your own recovery: the alchemy of transforming trauma.
No trigger warnings this week (unless you’re sensitive to the mention of chocolate nipples) but there’s quite a bit of packaging-related background noise.
Thanks to Tiu de Haan for the Kinder oracle suggestion. You can check her out on www.tiudehaan.com.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2
Morning pages are from The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Past Imperfect: Regeneration
Yup, this is a short one. It's more an update than an episode, but it's just as heartfelt as all the others, so have a listen and watch this space. With love from both of us.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com. If you'd like to subscribe to our blog and episode notification, please say this and we'll add you.
Resources Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Adult Children of Alcoholics Fellowship https://adultchildren.org/
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Series 2 Trailer
A hello from Sammy and Jude, a little snippet of an update and a taster of things to come.
Series 2 launches with our next episode on Sunday 23rd August at 11:11
Looking forward to more deep conversations. 'See you' there.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 11: Goodbye, Series 1, Hello, Series 2! The path from there to here
Some of our ponderings this week include narcissism, ways to see fear, parenting, intrinsic validation and transforming your future by changing your relationship with past events.
What's the difference between reactivity and responsiveness? How do you turn every trigger into an opportunity to release old patterns and navigate new ways to be? What's scarier: public speaking or having a bath at a friend's house?
In series two, we'll be talking about
- the intricacies of memory and trauma
- surviving the trauma of FGM
- recovering after sexual assault
- the joys of paradox
- the different flavours of narcissism and the difference between narcissistic, sociopathic and psychopathic behaviours
- dealing with the fallout of your positive transformation
- the effects of trauma on your physical system, autoimmune system and internal boundaries.
Resources
Untamed, by Glennon Doyle www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed
Embodied Intimacy: intimacy and embodiment training ReSource training Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 10: Sue Holmes on recovered memories and her journey as the wounded healer.
Multifariously talented* shamanic healer and teacher Sue Holmes talks to us about memories recovered late in life and, once she'd recovered conscious awareness of it, how she did her own healing, integrated different parts of herself and left victim feelings behind.
How do you handle abuses of power within spiritual communities, and what does it take to speak up? We discuss what can happen when you expose the shadow side of your own community, and the importance of working on your own shadow, whether your community embraces or rejects it. *Sue's many past and present careers include HGV-driver, gardener, overland adventure tour guide, feng shui practitioner, shamanic healer and teacher and musician.
Outro song Honey in the Sting from Sue’s album Heaven on Earth. Contact Sue through her website: http://firehorse.uk.com/ find her group on facebook and listen to her music on bandcamp https://sueholmes.bandcamp.com/album/heaven-on-earth
Trigger warning: we discuss different forms of abuse and manipulation in this podcast. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
Email us on pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments, questions and topic suggestions, and if you'd like to receive a nudge/blog post in your inbox when we publish each episode. As per GDPR, we will not use your email address for any other purpose, and we will never share it with any third party.
Resources
Embodied Intimacy https://www.embodiedintimacy.com/
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 9: From a Norm of Depression to a Bedrock of Self-Love and Happiness, with Joanna Jane Delves
Do you think of depression as an abnormality or a natural state of being? Has self-loathing become so familiar that it's become a norm?
This week we welcome our first guest, the gentle and brilliant Joanna Jane Delves, the queen of taking gentle responsibility for your own feelings, and doing the work. She explains her own process of healing herself from deep grief and childhood trauma, talks us through the inner child and shadow work she uses and shares some of the techniques and practices that have helped her.
She talks about her past depression, her decision and her determination to live in happiness. "We're supposed to be happy beings, when we're not weighed down by all of our life experiences. We should be having beautiful lives, right? The bedrock of it, for me, is self-love." Joanna Jane Delves Joanna talks about the daily practice of turning towards the 'monsters' of your own feelings instead of away from them, feeling them and noticing what they're telling you, and about her experience of the healing power of psychotropic plant medicines such as ayahuasca. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." ~ Maya Angelou If you'd like to work with Joanna, you can contact her on joannajanedelves@gmail.com Trigger warning: we discuss different forms of abuse and manipulation in this podcast. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing. Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments and questions. Resources: Contact Joanna: joannajanedelves@gmail.com Gabor Maté on healing from trauma and addiction with ayahuasca. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her musilic at www.ruthblake.com Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. www.holliechastain.com Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 7: Trauma and the Body
How does trauma affect your brain and your body? What’s the impact if your primary caregivers are not attuned to your needs as a baby? Can unexpressed emotion cause pain in your body?
We weave our way through different theories of what trauma is, how it affects you physiologically and what you can do about it. We also explore the benefits of approaching your own trauma indirectly.
Trigger warning: we discuss different forms of abuse and manipulation in this podcast. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments and questions.
Resources: The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk. Read this book. Seriously. Or listen to it. It's rich! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score
Healing Back Pain, John Sarno https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/144873.Healing_Back_Pain
Hip Sobriety program, Holy Whitaker https://www.hipsobriety.com/
Elise Parsons, Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems Practitioner https://www.bodhiwork.com/
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 8: Working with Trauma in the Body
This week we explore how to work with the manifestations of trauma in your body, and coming out of your head and into your body, and doing what you love as a rich way of healing yourself.
We talk about different forms of therapy for treating trauma in the body. Check out Peter Levine, a leading light in trauma therapy and a very nice man. We talk titratation - releasing trauma responses bit by bit - and pendulation - moving back and forth between resourced experiences and touching on traumatised parts of yourself in a manageable way. We wang on about yoga, societal bamboozlement and addiction and our stand-up comedy nightmares.
Reminder: Trauma is not who you are. It is possible to heal, and it can be a lot quicker than you think.
NOTE we mention Bruce Lyons. We meant Bruce Lipton https://www.brucelipton.com/
Trigger warning: we discuss different forms of abuse and manipulation in this podcast. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments and questions.
Resources: There are so many resources this week, you might need to look back to last week for some of them, so we can fit the new ones in.
Elizabeth Gilbert https://www.elizabethgilbert.com/ and a video of her in action https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzH7I4usKeE
Somatic Experiencing - a therapeutic modality to help you feel yourself in your body. Here's an interview with its creator, Peter Levine: https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/interview-peter-levine
TRE https://traumaprevention.com/what-is-tre/
EMDR: https://www.psycom.net/emdr-therapy-anxiety-panic-ptsd-trauma/
EFT: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_Freedom_Techniques
Amanda Garcia: Socio-emotional release (works in English and Spanish) https://www.aurigas.org/welcome-1/online-sessions/
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy. It's useful for challening unhelpful beliefs. According to Bessel Van Der Kolk, its efficacy is limited for PTSD. It works well on the symptoms but doesn't fully address the cause.
Bruce Parry on ayahuasca: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APky-ukvRtM
Elise Parsons, Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems Practitioner https://www.bodhiwork.com/
Five Rhythms https://www.5rhythms.com/ and Open Floor https://openfloor.org dance
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Sign up for her Gold Membership narcissistic abuse recovery program here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 6: What Does Narcisstic Abuse Feel Like
Many people have no idea that they're being manipulated, groomed and abused by someone high on the narcissistic spectrum. Sometimes, it takes years - or decades - before they realise. Why wait that long? In this episode, we talk about narcissistic abuse: what it looks like, how it feels and what you can do about it. We explore gaslighting and confusion, the idealise/devalue/discard cycle, triangulation and isolation, and gifts that take away your power and leave you feeling confused and frustrated. And we take a few tangents too. Trigger warning: we discuss different forms of abuse and manipulation in this podcast. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing. Email us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with comments and questions.
Resources:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans. Click here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl to sign up for her Gold Membership program, Catherine Gray The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, The Unexpected Joy of Being Single, The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary
Christine Louis de Cannonville https://narcissisticbehavior.net/
HG Tudor https://narcsite.com/
Lisa A Romani https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI-EFu0wsJykzMW4Je191qQ
Kim Saeed https://kimsaeed.com/blog/
Sandra L. Brown https://www.thetraumatherapistproject.com/podcast/sandra-l-brown-ma/
Samaritans (UK only) call free on 116 123
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 5: Alcohol, Addiction and Recovery (or 'The One about Booze')
This week, we wind a happy dance around the topics of alcohol addiction, addictive behaviours and recovery. We discuss AA and other fellowships as well as other options for getting support in freeing yourself from addiction. As always, there are tangents, personal stories and some swearing. There will also be triggers, this week around addiction and there's a brief mention of sexual assault, so please make sure you are fully resourced if you may be triggered.
This week is resource-tastic. Fill your Actual Boots. There’s a lot of help out there, and different people resonate with different approaches. A little disclaimer: neither of us resonated with AA or other fellowships, and we talk about this. Fellowships do work for many people, and thank goodness they do. They’re also accessible and affordable.
“If you have an addiction, you’re on a long road. If you want to be free of addiction, you need to get off that road. You could wait until you’re much further down it, and have experienced more pain, or you could get off now, and it’ll be easier. It’s up to you. It’s the same road.”
(in honour of Vincent Tilsley, who said something along these lines to Jude 20 years ago)
Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol
A tribute to Vincent Tilsley, the wonderful hypnotherapist mentioned in this episode, who I have in the past called ‘a curmudgeonly old shitbag’ and who was marvellous, warm and kind and used his skill very wisely. He died in 2013 and was very much loved.
Holly Whitaker’s Hip Sobriety Program
Home podcast (Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen)
This Naked Mind (control alcohol) by Annie Grace
Healing Back Pain, by John Sarno (at Blackwell’s*)
Russell Brand Recovery: Freedom from our Addictions (at Blackwell’s)
When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chödrön (at Waterstone’s)
* If you’re buying books, please consider buying local. Independent bookshops will have an even harder time than usual at the moment. You might not get your book immediately, and you might pay the full retail price sometimes, but you’ll be supporting small businesses who are at risk of going under, which would be a MASSIVE shame. We usually post UK national links for books. We’ll never promote Amazon. They still don’t pay taxes and though they have a modern slavery statement, many people who’ve worked for them report inhumane conditions. As always, up to you.
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 4: All Things Narcissism
Narcissism is in the spotlight this week. What is it, what are some key signs of it and why is it a problem? What does it feel like to be with a narcissist and what are the differences between narcissim, sociopathy and psychopathy? Do people with high narcissistic traits know what they're doing? And, importantly, how do you break free?
We share our personal experiences and the opinions of lots of experts. The only question this episode doesn't answer is: is it wrong that we're both so excited to talk about it?
Trigger warning: we discuss narcissistic abuse and sexual assault. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
email us with any comments at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com
Resources:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans To sign up for her Gold Membership program, click here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Black Lives Matter. We're not in an educated enough position to comment in a relevant way. We're taking steps to educate ourselves on unconscious bias and being a useful ally, and we'll be inviting guests to talk about black trauma. In the meantime, here's a link to The Guardian's list of positive ways to help.
Christine Louis de Cannonville https://narcissisticbehavior.net/
Dr Ramani Durvasula https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dv8zJiggBs
HG Tudor https://narcsite.com/
Lisa A Romani https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI-EFu0wsJykzMW4Je191qQ
Kim Saeed https://kimsaeed.com/blog/
Sandra L. Brown https://www.thetraumatherapistproject.com/podcast/sandra-l-brown-ma/
Samaritans (UK only) call free on 116 123
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 3: Trauma, its symptoms and taking responisibility for your healing
This week, as well as exploring what we mean when we talk about trauma and discussing some of the symptoms of it, we unpick the concept of taking responsibility for your own healing (as opposed to taking blame for the traumatising experiences in your life).
Trigger warning: We regularly discuss alcohol addiction, narcissistic abuse and sexual assault/abuse, and ways to heal yourself from experiences that are still causing damage in your system. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience.
You can contact us at pastimperfectpodcast@gmail.com with any comments.
Resources:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans www.melanietoniaevans.com to sign up for her Gold Membership program click here bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Byron Katie www.thework.com
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Episode 2: Sammy, what you brought you here?
Meet Sammy and find out about the past events that challenged her, shaped her and ultimately enriched her life and find out how she went from being a victim of her situation to taking responsibility for herself and her own healing.
Trigger warning: we discuss alcohol addiction, narcissistic abuse and sexual assault. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience.
Resources: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans www.melanietoniaevans.com to sign up for her Gold Membership program click here https://bit.ly/3g5g0gl
Allen Carr Easy Way https://www.allencarr.com/
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design by @ebz_agg
Episode 1: Jude, what brought you here?
Sammy interviews Jude about her 'Past Imperfect'.
What brought her here, and how has her past experience challenged and enriched her?
Trigger warning: we discuss alcohol addiction, incest, narcissistic abuse and childhood developmental trauma. If you may be triggered by these topics, please make sure you have support or resources in place before you listen. You can also expect a bit of swearing.
The opinions we express here are based on subjective personal experience. In human relationships, nothing is total, truth is not concrete and perception creates the story of our experience. We discuss this concept in more depth in episode 4 of this podcast.
Watch Jude's TEDx talk here: The Strange Relationship between Memory and Truth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuZrSqveOw4
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg
Introductory episode
Join Sammy and Jude in the introductory episode of Past Imperfect to discover their personal take on recovery from trauma, addiction and narcissistic abuse, and for a taste of episodes to come.
Why is it so important to talk about the different ways unresolved trauma manifests in your life? What do we mean when we talk about being responsibe for our own recovery? And what does childhood trauma have in common with a boil on your arse?
Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com
Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art at www.holliechastain.com
Logo design @ebz_agg