Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

By Alex and Christine Schiefer
About
A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
More places to listen
A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
www.beachtoosandy.com

More places to listen

54: Menards in Eau Claire, WI
Don't do us bogus and give this week's episode a listen. If you don't, Alex is going to take Christine's bathroom breaks away. So hear all about how the state of your local Menards means America is dead, and about how much better Timmy Ho's is compared to everything.  Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
49:30
December 4, 2019
53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza
*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about to be ruined by the cornucopia of reviews that Christine brought to the table. Thankfully the couple Mr. and Mrs. Farmer redeem us in the end.  Have an amazing Thanksgiving! Krissy Kiwi & ~*~tHe PiCkLe GuY~*~
1:12:40
November 27, 2019
52: Dry Cleaners in Columbia, MD
Happy Wonderwall! Throw on your favorite Armani underwear, grab your hottest rock, and enjoy the premiere of Pretty Mayor - the opposite of Undercover Boss. If you want to hear Christine's beautiful singing, you're maybe the only person ever to feel that way. If you don't want to hear Christine's singing, you might want to skip this one. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
55:20
November 20, 2019
51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA
*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. This episode is sponsored by FabFitFun. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner
58:37
November 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 10
If you're reading this, you are officially banned from LeanCuisine.com. Feeling doo-doo trash about that? Then listen to us read reviews sent in by YOU, our lovely listeners. We hope you love this month's episode, but if you don't we are prepared to pay you 100 plates of calamari. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A every month. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
38:17
November 11, 2019
50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI
This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora. Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week's underbelly is even hairier. If you're looking for an apartment in Grand Rapids, we hope you don't take this episode into consideration (unless you love egg-hair and microwaved cups of pee). And if you believe the earth is flat, we also don't think this episode is for you. Everyone else, please enjoy us waxing "poetic" on the merits and failings of conspiracy theories... or feel free to hate the fact we did that! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
1:07:29
November 6, 2019
49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA
Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guests! We bet you're reading this looking for a spoiler of who those guests are. Well guess what, we're not going to spoil the greatest surprise since that time Alex filled a pinata full of beans. But to entice you, here's a preview of what's to come: head lice, 666, ritual sacrifices, roast beef, Joe Bish, chainsaw butt thrusts, and Spooky Kama Sutra. Enjoy this SpOoKy OoKy exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them! And a very special thank you to our guests for making this our BEST episode yet! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by dAmbient and BrN.
2:00:08
October 30, 2019
48: Halloween Stores in Virginia Beach, VA
WHEN YOU YELL, I YELP!  Looking for a nose to pick? You've come to the right place. Turn up the Ziggy Idol, put on your star costume, and join us as we kick off spooky-ooky season with Halloween stores in Virginia Beach, VA!  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and RichardCulver.
45:06
October 23, 2019
47: Wineries in Los Gatos, CA
Hello lovely listeners. Enjoying the table wine? Well why don't we take this back to our garden. We've got plenty of steamed salami to go around ;) Just don't let Louis out, we're happy he left his post at the winery for us. He just really loves when we take him on an exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
44:33
October 16, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 9
Locusts, cicadas, and hard hats oh my! We're reading the reviews you want to hear! This time we read everything from book reviews to communion wafers. Listen now, because THIS. IS. CRITICAL. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, mrthenoronha, and tyops.
49:08
October 14, 2019
46: Fitness Centers in Cheyenne, WY
Welcome to the start of our podcast recording marathon, AKA our descent into madness, AKA our descent into Christine's basement full of teens. Listen as we unload reviews of fitness centers from Cheyenne, WY (and Helena, MT, don't worry). Alex also shares reviews with lots of nudity and hedonistic bellboys. So tune into our liberal cesspool of a podcast as we take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops.
56:00
October 9, 2019
45: Tanning Salons in Huntington Beach, CA
It's Alex's birthday episode and we certainly made the most of it. We discuss killing penguins and the miracle of childbirth, all while Alex intimately sings the praises of Scrub Daddy. Listen to your Podcast Messiah and his sister as they take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
58:59
October 2, 2019
44: Runzas in Lincoln, NE
Don't know what a runza is? Don't listen to us, because we think it's a hot dog bun sewn shut and filled with questionable ingredients. We don't have personal experience because we don't even know where Nebraska is. Thankfully, the good people of Nebraska tell us filthy animals what to really expect. Hop on Alex's wedding gator boat, or on Christine's log-like hide, and we'll take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and Felix Mendelssohn.
51:00
September 25, 2019
43: Antique Stores in Portland, ME
We're heading to Maine on the Gossip Train! We're stopping at the Charles Inn for a ghost made breakfast. Then we'll tour the basement where Stephen King lives, butchering the name of the town while we do it. Enjoy calming episodes of Antiques Roadshow as we pull into our final stop: the future burial sites of Alex & Christine in Kaneohe, Hawaii. So hop on and let our conductor, Gearshift Gambino, take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! And check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, Chopin, Jerry Leiber, and Mike Stoller.
57:56
September 18, 2019
42: Ice Cream Parlors in Charleston, WV
Adjust your husky pants and let us show you the world, shining glimmering... something. We're back and we're hungry for what West Virginia has to offer, hairy underbelly and all. So turn your ;( upside down and let these regular bloody stupid johnsons take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our patron only Q&A! Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
42:27
September 11, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 8
If you’ve ever read the name of our podcast and thought to yourself, "No one would ever complain that their water is too wet..." then boy do we have the episode for you! This week we read reviews sent in by YOU and this week's includes one with that very complaint. Oh and Christine improvises a limerick and Alex speaks in tongues... so your average episode from us.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD,  mrthenoronha, and tyops.
30:02
September 9, 2019
41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM
This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has high metaphysical prices while the other is ruled by a farmer friar. Still not making sense? Then rub your Walmart crystals and take a hit from your Skyline flavor vape, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
55:11
September 4, 2019
40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE
We're forty, flirty, and friving! In this very special episodes, our jet lagged selves offer you a glimpse into what a Schiefer vacation is like. Hint: it involves wet shorts and Mao Zedong. Then we read reviews of gas stations... but they're mostly Wawa weviews. And finally, Alex provides unhelpful insight into what it means to be a religious solicitor. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
1:11:44
August 28, 2019
39: Bookstores in Portland, OR
Witness if you will a subway tunnel, long abandoned below the bustling streets of Cincinnati. These tunnels have residents: Yelp reviewers. Let it be known that these reviewers have a disdain for soup and an affinity for Criss Angel: Family Man. You hear them chant, but only incomprehensible jokes about Dan Brown. They long for your company as they take a very meaningful journey into.... Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. 
1:05:46
August 21, 2019
38: McDonald's Restaurants in Billings, MT
This episode is dedicated to all the Tonys out there! Gather your escargatoire, put the salt away, and unfriend all Pauls, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner
53:19
August 14, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 7
Slip on some lulus, take a sip of yuppie crack, and dive into another week of crazy reviews sent in by you! Whether your name is Shinny or Sheenad, you'll enjoy this exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
44:00
August 12, 2019
37: Dollar Stores in Birmingham, AL
Hello sweet children of a friend of ours, we hope you're having the BDE. Unfortunately ours is the WDE, because our Hot Bunz aren't working and Christine won't let Alex sell his Ten Renaissance Paintings. While we figure this mess out, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Otherwise, bad karma is going to happen to you. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
48:45
August 7, 2019
36: Banks in Charlotte, NC
Welcome to Christine's Unnamed Game Show featuring Skeeve Harvey! In this episode, we cover finance, art history, sports, and rats. And Christine gives us some fascinating insight into her life: she's been to a bank. So enjoy our exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, now playing on a little girl's YouTube channel. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, dr_skitz, Adam_N, noah0189, oldedgar, qubodup, parkersenk, and Mrthenoronha.
59:05
July 31, 2019
35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ
Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" *clinks glass* We hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, because Alex sure didn't. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Okko Bekker, and tyops. 
1:09:54
July 24, 2019
34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD
Calling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left her teen greeters down there with the hair and stains. Needless to say, we hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. 
54:45
July 17, 2019
33: Bars in Columbus, OH
In this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your DB Cooper Baby Monitor and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, rodeoclash, ddmyzik, and tyops. 
46:25
July 10, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 6
We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could.  But we hope the rest of you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, but ones our lovely listeners sent us! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
43:40
July 8, 2019
32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK
We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: accidental thieves. Before we release our album of jump rope rhymes, enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops. 
40:32
July 3, 2019
31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR
Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. Hear what the drunk people of Little Rock are saying about their local breweries, then hear what the conspiracy theorists are saying about Disney World. There's truly something for everyone in this episode, so enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Modification1089, and tyops.
59:34
June 26, 2019
30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD
Hi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby people and then Alex proves that Southern California has the best convicts. Please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
53:57
June 19, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 5
A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you. Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
41:47
June 17, 2019
29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI
We're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads reviews written from the perspective of pets. I mean, who would want to miss hearing Christine channel her new friend Martin Van Purren? Oh, you? Well then go away. As for the rest of you, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.   Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.  
50:37
June 12, 2019
28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK
Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.
51:23
June 5, 2019
27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA
Welcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. After we give you the rundown of the debauchery of ghost tours, Christine talks about lost corpses and Disney World. Just listen if you want any of this to make sense. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Thejack288, and tyops. 
49:53
May 29, 2019
26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI
Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
45:03
May 22, 2019
25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ
Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine how boring an episode like that would normally be, and try to give this one a shot anyway. We end the episode with hilariously awful reviews of restaurants where customers thought they were receiving other people's leftovers. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, tim.kahn, and Carl Orff.
31:09
May 15, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 4
Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our listeners! Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
29:24
May 13, 2019
24: Post Offices in Washington, DC
In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's plenty of stupidity as we explore our nation's capital for the worst post office reviews we can find. Then, Alex gives a challenge to YOU, the listeners, because he's a failure. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos, John Siegler, and John Loeffler
35:49
May 8, 2019
23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL
Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has to offer, and we explore the stupidest recipe reviews on the internet!
38:55
May 1, 2019
22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI
In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out!
39:56
April 24, 2019
21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA
This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos.
41:21
April 17, 2019
20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA
Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down memory lane with us! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos and Mark Snow.
47:24
April 11, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 3
Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos.
25:44
April 8, 2019
19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA
In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. 
47:57
April 3, 2019
18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT
This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.
40:14
March 27, 2019
17: Hospitals in Boston, MA
In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out the worst of it. Thankfully, the world still gets to hear about Alex's first (and last) Hooters experience. Come along for the experience of a lifetime, and spread the word using #octothorpe. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.
38:01
March 20, 2019
16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN
If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing quotes such as "I'm going to flip my shit and burn down this place," and "I typed out the word 'sex' a lot today." And by we, we mean Christine. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by abett, PSOVOD, and tyops.
44:30
March 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 2
The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned money on over priced cold dessert coffee thing, why not just listen to a free radio show? Btw, we're not armed and we're wearing our "Make America Emo" hats again. Thanks for inserting us into your ears!
21:47
March 11, 2019
15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN
RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This week we travel to Indianapolis to visit some of our best friends, including Air Bud, the Indiana Sniffer, Sonic the Hedgehog, and SpongeBob. We're still trying to connect the dots... Grab your accordions, your Faygo, and please keep your septum piercings in your septum! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jgreer, and tyops.
43:19
March 6, 2019
14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA
Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next collab: Corpse-be-Gucci. This episode is ideal for morgues, autopsy rooms, body bags, etc. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Myuu, PSOVOD, sirkoto51, jgreer, and tyops.
36:44
February 27, 2019
13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY
Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode  that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind.
44:44
February 20, 2019
12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY
In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode responsibly. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, plasterbrain and tyops.
31:55
February 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 1
In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, but you won't want to remember any of it. But you should already know what you're getting yourself into...
14:52
February 11, 2019
11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV
WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”!
32:15
February 6, 2019
10: Museums in Boise, ID
Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big announcements and big egos.  We even answer the age old question: Which has more museums, Boise or New York City? We also discover the world of people who get excited by squirrels, making this our most wholesome episode yet. But don't get too excited, because we're still being described as "what muppets would sound like on crack." Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by PSOVOD, Sirkoto51 and tyops. 
40:26
January 30, 2019
9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA
What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye! "SIGNED ALEX AND CHRISTINE!" Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
27:30
January 23, 2019
8: Dentists in Denver, CO
Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from your job as a bad teeth model and enjoy the sweet sugar voices from the unflossed mouths of Christine and Alex. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
35:08
January 16, 2019
7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX
Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their dolls. Meanwhile, Alex introduces a couple toy-loving adults and expresses his own desire for a talking bird robot. Thinking of giving us negative 5000 stars? Big mistake...HUGE!  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by Robinhood76, zagi2, qubodup, jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 
23:35
January 9, 2019
6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT
Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle edition. Tune in for bad snake advice, gladiator music and, as always, plenty of disgruntled customers. 
29:47
January 2, 2019
5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI
Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back. 
15:21
December 26, 2018
4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL
Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
19:14
December 19, 2018
3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN
It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
17:53
December 12, 2018
2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO
Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
20:57
December 12, 2018
1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH
Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
17:19
December 12, 2018
TRAILER
Is your beach too sandy? Water too wet? Ice too cold? More importantly, do you feel like yelling about it on the internet? We’re here to help. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet features dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by people who just need to have their voice heard. Episodes released every Wednesday. Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte Theme by Mavus White
00:52
December 7, 2018
Make your own podcast for free with Anchor!