Skip to main content
Personal Pans

Personal Pans

By Vanessa Walilko

Conversations about belief, transformation, deconstruction, and late diagnosis ADHD. Let's talk about the strange and weird.

We also love pizza.
Available on
Apple Podcasts Logo
Google Podcasts Logo
Spotify Logo
Currently playing episode

11. Kenneth Anger, Thelema, and Magical Technology with John Thomure

Personal PansFeb 09, 2022

00:00
01:05:49
43. "Just a little bravery will open the door" with Lisa Pahl of The Death Deck
Apr 01, 202358:02
42. The Medicine Wheel with Barry Goddard
Feb 24, 202301:26:34
41. "I'm done making excuses for everybody" - Disability, long COVID, and leaving the church with Steph Fowler
Dec 31, 202201:33:20
40. Haunted Offices and Therapy for Weirdos with Steph Fowler

40. Haunted Offices and Therapy for Weirdos with Steph Fowler

Steph Fowler is the founder of Inkwell Psychotherapy and a therapist for weirdos, misfits, neurodivergent folks, and cycle disruptors.  She's also one of the best people I know.

Steph and I talked about what it was like to work in a haunted office building, and being a therapist for misfits.  Part of her Misfit Mental Health practice is a Nw Year Reflection workshop, which you can sign up for here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeTNDOoTjLy4HoZQlYzGb3ffFy3SQaq9ndDr7WqSzURJoo7zw/viewform

You can follow her at
https://www.inkwellpsychotherapy.com/


Find Personal Pans on Weirdo.Network, the new Mastodon Instance for all the kind weirdos out there.

Dec 28, 202252:48
39. UFOs, Ethics, and Protecting the Vulnerable with Erica Lukes
Dec 02, 202201:10:44
38. Clown Pants, Bowling Pin Aliens and Small UFOs with Rob Kristoffersen
Nov 22, 202201:23:28
37: Somatic Therapy, Missionary Work, and Intergenerational Trauma with Jenny McGrath
Nov 15, 202201:00:39
36. Baba Yaga, Storytelling, and The Goblin Circus with Halo Quin
Nov 02, 202201:33:39
35. Anime, alienated ancestor work, and what it means to be a good person with Dash Kwiatkowski
Sep 18, 202201:11:54
34. "If you want your magic to be effective, you need to be fully present in it" - Irene Glasse and Caine Dreamwalker of Blackfeather Mystery School
Sep 02, 202201:13:55
33. "You're villainized for questioning anything that's taught" The Pentecostal to Witch Pipeline with Hana of Suburban Witchery
Jul 27, 202201:03:15
Bonus - Growing up in a haunted house with Logan Dean

Bonus - Growing up in a haunted house with Logan Dean

Logan Dean is the tabletop RPG designer behind The Company, and the ENnie-nominated EXTRACTION FROM DEMON-FUCKED CLEVELAND 1996.  This is just an excerpt from our conversation back in January, where Logan talks about his experiences growing up in a haunted house.

Voting for the ENnie's goes until midnight PST on July 24, 2022.  Be sure to vote for Logan's game in the Best Adventure and Best Free Game/Product categories!


Download Logan's game:

https://mega-corp.itch.io/efdfc1996

Vote for Logan in the Ennies:

https://vote.ennie-awards.com/vote/2022/


Follow Logan on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/L__Dean

Jul 24, 202217:45
32. "It starts and ends with standards of evidence" - Cadillacs and UFOs with Jack Brewer
Jul 20, 202201:02:48
31.5 - Grief, trauma, guilt, and hope with Holly Laurent
Jul 16, 202253:50
31. "When we talk about the god of the bible, are we really talking about ourselves?" The nature of consciousness and belief with Holly Laurent
Jul 13, 202201:05:06
30 - "It's the end of the world, but we still have to pay our credit cards" - Consciousness, technology, and the absurd, mundane apocalypse with Red Pill Junkie

30 - "It's the end of the world, but we still have to pay our credit cards" - Consciousness, technology, and the absurd, mundane apocalypse with Red Pill Junkie

Red Pill Junkie (Miguel Romero) is a Fortean blogger and artist.  He's a writer for The Daily Grail and the visual artist behind the Ufology Tarot.  I initially reached out to him to talk about the Ufology tarot, but we ended up talking about so much more.  From the adaptability of the human condition and the absurdity of doing mundane things during the apocalypse, from the benefits of being an outsider to the nature of UFO experiences, from psychic surgery to Mass Effect to the gnostic battle against corporate archons, I had an incredible time talking with RPJ about all of his ideas about the universe.

Follow Red Pill Junkie:

https://twitter.com/red_pill_junkie

https://dailygrail.com

https://absurdbydesign.com


Follow Personal Pans:

https://twitter.com/PersonalPans
https://www.instagram.com/PersonalPans


Jun 29, 202201:23:52
29. "It's really important to validate people's stories and experiences" - The Importance of Empathy and Storytelling in the Phenomena with Amelia Cotter

29. "It's really important to validate people's stories and experiences" - The Importance of Empathy and Storytelling in the Phenomena with Amelia Cotter

Amelia Cotter is a writer, poet, and storyteller.  She's written multiple books about the paranormal such as Where the Party Never Ended: Ghosts of the Old Baraboo InnThis House: The True Story of a Girl and a GhostMaryland Ghosts: Paranormal Encounters in the Free State, and the children’s book Breakfast with Bigfoot.  She also writes poetry about trauma and healing and is a contributor to The Feminine Macabre, which is how we met.

I initially asked Amelia on the show to talk about her writing and about ghosts, but this turned into a much deeper and broader conversation.  We talked about the shifting landscape of the paranormal community, the importance of empathy and listening when speaking with experiencers, the dangers of conspiracy thinking, and why it's important to be careful of judging people based off of what we see on social media and on television.  This was a wonderful conversation and I hope you enjoy it.

Follow Amelia online:

https://www.ameliacotter.com

https://twitter.com/ameliamcotter

https://www.instagram.com/ameliamcotter/

https://www.facebook.com/authorameliamcotter


Follow The Feminine Macabre:

https://www.instagram.com/the.feminine.macabre/


Follow Personal Pans:

https://twitter.com/PersonalPans

https://www.instagram.com/PersonalPans


Jun 22, 202201:04:32
28. "The way we understand our origins effects how we see ourselves politically" - A Primer on White Supremacy and Fascism in Paraweird Spaces with Professor WHAM

28. "The way we understand our origins effects how we see ourselves politically" - A Primer on White Supremacy and Fascism in Paraweird Spaces with Professor WHAM

Jun 21, 202201:16:57
27. "Thinking through your internal biases and your own unconscious biases--that's inner alchemy" - Diversity, Innovation, and the Real Great Work with Melaninated Magician
Jun 09, 202201:12:14
26. "Lazy is not a four-letter word... I mean, it literally is, but it's not a swear word" - ADHD, Grief, and Tarot with Erica Davis
Jun 01, 202201:07:19
25. "There's a lot of good we can do here... Eat that donut!" - Queer Qabala and the Importance of Little Treats with Enfys J. Book

25. "There's a lot of good we can do here... Eat that donut!" - Queer Qabala and the Importance of Little Treats with Enfys J. Book

Enfys J. Book is a High Priest of the Fellowship of the Ancient White Stag (FAWS), and the author of the forthcoming book Queer Qabala.  Enfys sat down to talk with me about the Hermetic tradition of the Qabala, their journey to studying the Qabala, and their queer approach what is usually presented as a binary-based Hermetic tradition.  We talked about the power of queering things, deconstructing hierarchies, and also celebrating with little treats and trashy movies.

Follw Enfys online:

majorarqueerna.com 

https://twitter.com/majorarqueerna 

http://facebook.com/majorarqueerna 

http://instagram.com/majorarqueerna 

Pre-order links for the book at  http://majorarqueerna.com/preorder

Enfys' YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLm-dP_9PoQFuHuTyur3fhypONgqRDbRp9


Follow Personal Pans:

https://twitter.com/personalpans

https://instagram.com/personalpans


May 26, 202201:01:03
24. "What is the soil like that this tree is growing from?" - Gnostics, River Spirits, and Alien Interest in Microorganisms with Jeremy Puma
May 18, 202201:05:32
23. "Gardening is a way to have hope for the future" - Fairies, Donuts, and Mycelial Networks with Bex Atwood from Liminal Earth
May 11, 202201:05:48
22. "I am worthy of pleasure" - Dissecting the Devil as a Spirit Wrapped in Flesh with Kiki Dombrowski
May 05, 202201:03:11
21. "At a certain point you have to say yes or else you're not really here" - On Crafting a Magickal Personality with Stephanie Quick
Apr 27, 202201:07:07
20. "If it can help one weirdo know that they're not alone" - Researching the Paranormal with Courtney Block

20. "If it can help one weirdo know that they're not alone" - Researching the Paranormal with Courtney Block

Courtney M. Block is a research, instruction, and user engagement librarian and also the author of Researching the Paranormal: How to Find Reliable Information about Parapsychology, Ghosts, Astrology, Cryptozoology, Near-Death Experiences, and More.  Courtney was inspired to write her first book in order to help students who were interested in studying the paranormal, but felt that they couldn't find any academic sources of value to do their research.  She wanted to create a resource to affirm curiosity and exploration of the paranormal, a field that is often maligned in academia.

And Courtney has an incredible sense of curiosity about these subjects.  We talked a lot about the importance of curiosity in learning and experimenting.  We talked about library books as liminal objects and the idea of a library as a liminal space that carries the energy of all the people who have walked through it.  We also talked about our feelings about academia, how it has an incredible potential to be a place where people feel empowered to study and investigate what excites them, but how the paranormal is often dismissed as "fringe".

We also talked about how you can support authors by asking your local library to order their books.  I did!  My local library will soon be carrying Courtney's book.

You can follow Courtney online:

https://www.instagram.com/liminal.librarian/

https://twitter.com/courtneymblock


Follow Personal Pans:

https://www.instagram.com/PersonalPans/

https://twitter.com/PersonalPans

Apr 20, 202259:20
19. "Take your donuts elsewhere, you maniac!" Holy Donut Magick and Discordianism with AP Strange
Apr 13, 202253:46
18. "Our memories are the keys to divining our futures" - Divination, Horror Movies, and Magic Mike XXL with Katie Webb

18. "Our memories are the keys to divining our futures" - Divination, Horror Movies, and Magic Mike XXL with Katie Webb

Divinatrix, paranormal webseries maven, and horror movie aficionado Katie Webb joins us for this episode of Personal Pans.  Katie talked with me about the art of horror movies, the work of learning tarot, addiction, and the difficulty in dealing with abusers in a small community.  We laughed a whole bunch, especially when she talked about a magical summer seeing Magic Mike XXL with her friends.  

Support Katie's work, and her Gorgon-themed genius:

https://www.gorgonized.me

https://twitter.com/Gorgon_Katie

https://linktr.ee/GorgonCollective


Find Personal Pans online:

https://twitter.com/PersonalPans

https://www.instagram.com/PersonalPans

Mar 31, 202201:32:07
17. "It takes a certain amount of healing to believe that you deserve justice" - Ancestor Work, Healing Trauma, and Finding a Momma in The Morrigan, with Lisa of OldGodsHeal.com
Mar 23, 202201:04:48
16. "Let me show you your lane" - On being a death doula with an intersectional perspective and working with the Akashic Records with Emmy Colón-Geistlinger
Mar 16, 202201:15:23
15. "The sky is for everyone" - Astrology with Maighdlin Kelly
Mar 10, 202201:04:38
14. Seeing the world through hope-colored glasses - Activism and Reclaiming Witchcraft with Irisanya Moon
Mar 03, 202201:08:32
13. Representation, Fact-Checking, and Asking Difficult Questions with Alex Matsuo
Feb 23, 202201:08:24
12: "The biggest magic in your life is connecting with other people" - Cults, chaos magick, and connection with Jason McConahey
Feb 17, 202201:09:18
11. Kenneth Anger, Thelema, and Magical Technology with John Thomure
Feb 09, 202201:05:49
10. "When the Trickster Starts A-Poking" - Joy in the void with Chelle from the Eternal Void, but with Jazz!

10. "When the Trickster Starts A-Poking" - Joy in the void with Chelle from the Eternal Void, but with Jazz!

Chelle from The Eternal Void, but with Jazz! talks with me about the Trickster, finding lessons in every experience, learning how to wield your swords, and Gogol Bordello.


ESOTERICA - Women In Occultism Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8tpCOEWX6U&list=PLZ__PGORcBKyt4eBmAsQ5lTZzzDln4ntc 

ESOTERICA - 14 Part Series on Kabbalah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABeeKCygNlw&list=PLZ__PGORcBKxYbdXhBJuaF-C01syNssZZ  

Mat Auryn - Psychic Witch https://www.amazon.com/Psychic-Witch-Metaphysical-Meditation-Manifestation/dp/B084G9MJVK/  

Jack Chanek - Qabalah for Wiccans: Ceremonial Magic on the Pagan Path https://www.amazon.com/Qabalah-Wiccans-Ceremonial-Magic-Pagan/dp/0738768669/  

Mortellus - http://www.mortellus.com (Twitter @acrowandthedead) Do I have to Wear Black https://www.amazon.com/Do-Have-Wear-Black-Etiquette/dp/0738765406/  

Marco Visconti - https://linktr.ee/marcovisconti  

Stephanie Quick - https://stephaniequick.home.blog (twitter @WanderinBritchz)  

AP Strange - https://www.apstrange.com (Twitter @AProdigiosus)  

Allen Greenfield: The Grail Within: The True Quest for the Holy Grail and the Western Sex Magick Tradition https://www.amazon.com/Grail-Within-Western-Magick-Tradition/dp/B08TSLL8BP/ Allen Greenfield on Twitter: @allengreenfield  

Gogol Bordello is featured in the soundtrack for Wristcutters - A Love Story https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477139/ and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi_Kontra_Culti_vs._Irony  

The Eternal Void but With Jazz podcast is hosted by Chelle and AP Strange, can be found on Apple, Spotify, and all other podcast providers. (Twitter @void_jazz)


Personal Pans:

https://twitter.com/personalpans

https://www.instagram.com/personalpans

Jan 27, 202201:04:04
9 - "Of course the horse can come!" - Death, The Morrigan, and Quantum Physics with Mortellus
Jan 20, 202201:39:34
8. Loki, Aphrodite, and Talking to the Tarot with Star (a_starwitch)
Jan 13, 202201:08:03
7. Glitches in the Matrix and the Mandela Effect with Mark Obscura

7. Glitches in the Matrix and the Mandela Effect with Mark Obscura

This episode features Mark Obscura.  We talk about loving weird and goth things at a young age, the importance of questioning your assumptions and beliefs, the nature of consciousness, and the Mandela Effect.  As a stress-relief hypnotist, Mark also talked about the power of allowing and reprogramming your own mind.  He also ends the episode with a mentalism trick invented by Max Maven.  This episode was an absolute delight and I hope you enjoy it too.


Follow Personal Pans:

http://www.twitter.com/PersonalPans

Jan 06, 202201:41:33
6. "This episode is brought to you by chaos" with Adler Cooper
Dec 30, 202101:00:60
5. Live Episode with the PanParaPals
Dec 23, 202101:14:20
4. Goosebumps and the call to adventure with Caite of Steampowered Mouse
Dec 09, 202101:17:26
3. "There are plenty of other things trying to limit you. Don't let it be you." - Amanda Woomer talks about The Feminine Macabre and so much else
Dec 02, 202101:03:31
2 - "Oh, she's here? Something weird is going to happen"

2 - "Oh, she's here? Something weird is going to happen"

Today's conversation is with Alisha Landreth of Tidy Tarot Co.  She talks about a lifetime of high strangeness and how she started making tarot journals and other witchy tools.

Follow Alisha:

Tidy Tarot C. Linktree: https://linktr.ee/TidyTarot

Tidy Tarot on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tidytarotco/

Alisha on Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoricAleigh


Follow Personal Pans:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PersonalPans

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/personalpans/


Nov 25, 202101:20:06
1 - Disappearing geckos and mantis photos

1 - Disappearing geckos and mantis photos

Today I talk with Melissa of meloticart about disappearing geckos, tall white ghosts, and mantis apparitions, among other things.


Follow Melissa: 

Art account: https://www.instagram.com/meloticart/ 

Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/773cobrasclutch/  

Follow Personal Pans on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PersonalPans

Nov 18, 202101:19:56