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Personal Pans

Personal Pans

By Vanessa
Conversations about belief, transformation, and our experiences with the strange and weird.

We also love pizza.
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28. "The way we understand our origins effects how we see ourselves politically" - A Primer on White Supremacy and Fascism in Paraweird Spaces with Professor WHAM

Personal Pans

30 - "It's the end of the world, but we still have to pay our credit cards" - Consciousness, technology, and the absurd, mundane apocalypse with Red Pill Junkie
Red Pill Junkie (Miguel Romero) is a Fortean blogger and artist.  He's a writer for The Daily Grail and the visual artist behind the Ufology Tarot.  I initially reached out to him to talk about the Ufology tarot, but we ended up talking about so much more.  From the adaptability of the human condition and the absurdity of doing mundane things during the apocalypse, from the benefits of being an outsider to the nature of UFO experiences, from psychic surgery to Mass Effect to the gnostic battle against corporate archons, I had an incredible time talking with RPJ about all of his ideas about the universe. Follow Red Pill Junkie: Follow Personal Pans:
June 29, 2022
29. "It's really important to validate people's stories and experiences" - The Importance of Empathy and Storytelling in the Phenomena with Amelia Cotter
Amelia Cotter is a writer, poet, and storyteller.  She's written multiple books about the paranormal such as Where the Party Never Ended: Ghosts of the Old Baraboo Inn, This House: The True Story of a Girl and a Ghost, Maryland Ghosts: Paranormal Encounters in the Free State, and the children’s book Breakfast with Bigfoot.  She also writes poetry about trauma and healing and is a contributor to The Feminine Macabre, which is how we met. I initially asked Amelia on the show to talk about her writing and about ghosts, but this turned into a much deeper and broader conversation.  We talked about the shifting landscape of the paranormal community, the importance of empathy and listening when speaking with experiencers, the dangers of conspiracy thinking, and why it's important to be careful of judging people based off of what we see on social media and on television.  This was a wonderful conversation and I hope you enjoy it. Follow Amelia online: Follow The Feminine Macabre: Follow Personal Pans:
June 22, 2022
28. "The way we understand our origins effects how we see ourselves politically" - A Primer on White Supremacy and Fascism in Paraweird Spaces with Professor WHAM
Tonight's guest is Dr CS Matthews (a.k.a Professor WHAM). She recently wrote a book about paranormal reports in the Hudson Valley called Mysterious Beauty: Living with the Paranormal in the Hudson Valley. She's studied religion, new religious movements, occultism and paranormal experiences for over 4 decades, and her dissertation was on ethnic and racial tropes in UFO abductions in the US. She's also been teaching in a college setting for 35 years. I asked her on the show after watching her speak on The Magickal Solution about fascism in the occult. For this episode, she gave an overview of fascism and white supremacist ideas in paraweird spaces, and shows the fact that the roots of it go back very far. She described the ways in which racist ideas have been woven into spiritual movements for centuries and make their way into UFO reports today. She talked about the dangers of accelerationist ideologies. We ended the conversation talking about the history of Iroquois women and what it takes to make real social change in a society. Get ready to take some notes for this episode. More information on fascism in the occult: A Discussion / How White Supremacy is Hijacking Paganism In Plain Sight: NAZI Occultism in America Follow Professor WHAM: Follow Personal Pans:
June 21, 2022
27. "Thinking through your internal biases and your own unconscious biases--that's inner alchemy" - Diversity, Innovation, and the Real Great Work with Melaninated Magician
Tonight's episode features Melaninated Magician, a writer and occultist with lots of spicy things to say about diversity and inclusion in paranormal and occult spaces.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard talking about such difficult issues.  We talked about structural oppression and the inner alchemy of interrogating your own biases.  We also discussed the ways in which we're limited by only talking to the same types of people about paranormal experiences.  They talked to me about Thelema as religion, philosophy, and magickal technology, and how if every person is a star, we need to work to make sure marginalized people can feel safe in occult spaces. We talked about the dangers of thinking that we have everything figured out when it comes to occult beliefs and practices and how diversity leads to innovation in occult ideas.  We also had some spicy takes about paranormal television. Follow Melaninated Magician: Buy cool art: Follow Personal Pans:
June 09, 2022
26. "Lazy is not a four-letter word... I mean, it literally is, but it's not a swear word" - ADHD, Grief, and Tarot with Erica Davis
This ADHD-inspired conversation features Erica Davis, writer, editor, and intuitive tarot reader behind Dork Witch.  We talked about channeling creative ideas and feeling like we're giving form to things that already exist, whether characters or creative pieces.  We also talked about working with ADHD in daily life.  We also talked about how intense grief changes a person, inspiring pure honey badger energy.  We also talked about tarot and reading for other people.  Book a tarot reading with Erica: Follow Erica on Twitter: Keep up with Personal Pans:
June 01, 2022
25. "There's a lot of good we can do here... Eat that donut!" - Queer Qabala and the Importance of Little Treats with Enfys J. Book
Enfys J. Book is a High Priest of the Fellowship of the Ancient White Stag (FAWS), and the author of the forthcoming book Queer Qabala.  Enfys sat down to talk with me about the Hermetic tradition of the Qabala, their journey to studying the Qabala, and their queer approach what is usually presented as a binary-based Hermetic tradition.  We talked about the power of queering things, deconstructing hierarchies, and also celebrating with little treats and trashy movies. Follw Enfys online:  Pre-order links for the book at Enfys' YouTube: Follow Personal Pans:
May 26, 2022
24. "What is the soil like that this tree is growing from?" - Gnostics, River Spirits, and Alien Interest in Microorganisms with Jeremy Puma
Jeremy Puma is 1/3 of Liminal Earth and the author of multiple books on Gnostics and foraging.  We talked about interrogating the people leading and inspiring our traditions, and the importance of calling out and rejecting racist aspects of it.  We also talked about the playfulness of the phenomena, whatever that might be.  Jeremy talked about the phenomena as trickster, and how it reacts more the weirder you get. Jeremy also talked about liminal ecology and decentering humanity from the narrative about UFO sightings.  Because what if aliens are just interested in microorganisms anyway?  We also talked about how the Liminal Spirit Oracle can connect people to the spirits of their environments.  We also geeked out a little about anime because we both love Spirited Away. Follow Jeremy/Liminal Earth: Follow Personal Pans:
May 18, 2022
23. "Gardening is a way to have hope for the future" - Fairies, Donuts, and Mycelial Networks with Bex Atwood from Liminal Earth
Bex Atwood is a mycological researcher, liminal investigator, botanist, and 1/3 of Liminal Earth.  She also survived an upbringing of Christian hell houses to explore forests and learn the wonders of mushrooms.  In this ADHD-fueled podcast, we talked about the work that Liminal Earth is doing, Estes sessions with Katie Webb, the importance of taking notes, and the incredible communication of mycelial networks.  We share our love of Mt. Rainer, Bex talks about her million-dollar idea for a haunted botanical garden, and we talk about the transformative power of music. Follow Bex online: Follow Personal Pans:
May 11, 2022
22. "I am worthy of pleasure" - Dissecting the Devil as a Spirit Wrapped in Flesh with Kiki Dombrowski
Tonight's guest is Kiki Dombrowski, medium, certified life coach, and tarot reader.  She wrote A Curious Future: A Handbook of Unusual Divination and Unique Oracular Techniques, a book that explores multiple types of divination systems and how to use them.  We talked about the energy of different types of tarot decks and how messages come through when reading for other people.  We also talked about the importance of balancing woo beliefs with the reality of living in a three-dimensional meatsack.  We talked about what the spiritual experience looks like in late-stage capitalism and the importance of finding sources of power and healing within it. We also talked--a lot--about the Devil as a symbol in the tarot.  From Lilithian pleasure to the trickster archetypes to whether you need some more play or some more wholesomeness in your life, the Devil can mean more than just sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  It can be the powerful magick of stating, "I am worthy of pleasure" Find Kiki online: Follow Personal Pans:
May 05, 2022
21. "At a certain point you have to say yes or else you're not really here" - On Crafting a Magickal Personality with Stephanie Quick
Tonight's episode features Stephanie Quick, the esoteric writer behind Ghost Dog is a Mystery Box.  Using Moon Magick and Sea Priestess as an example, Steph talked about how to use color, scent, light, the physical space, movement, garments, to create a certain atmosphere.  We talk about embracing the things that you truly enjoy in order to be a more intentional and effective magickal practitioner and a happier human.  We also talk about adornment as feeding the magickal personality and all the small secret ways you can incorporate magickal intentions into your clothing.  Steph shares several of her garments and I talk about how I unintentionally turned starting a business into a magickal working. Follow Stephanie Quick online: Keep track of Personal Pans:
April 27, 2022
20. "If it can help one weirdo know that they're not alone" - Researching the Paranormal with Courtney Block
Courtney M. Block is a research, instruction, and user engagement librarian and also the author of Researching the Paranormal: How to Find Reliable Information about Parapsychology, Ghosts, Astrology, Cryptozoology, Near-Death Experiences, and More.  Courtney was inspired to write her first book in order to help students who were interested in studying the paranormal, but felt that they couldn't find any academic sources of value to do their research.  She wanted to create a resource to affirm curiosity and exploration of the paranormal, a field that is often maligned in academia. And Courtney has an incredible sense of curiosity about these subjects.  We talked a lot about the importance of curiosity in learning and experimenting.  We talked about library books as liminal objects and the idea of a library as a liminal space that carries the energy of all the people who have walked through it.  We also talked about our feelings about academia, how it has an incredible potential to be a place where people feel empowered to study and investigate what excites them, but how the paranormal is often dismissed as "fringe". We also talked about how you can support authors by asking your local library to order their books.  I did!  My local library will soon be carrying Courtney's book. You can follow Courtney online: Follow Personal Pans:
April 20, 2022
19. "Take your donuts elsewhere, you maniac!" Holy Donut Magick and Discordianism with AP Strange
We're back!  After taking a week off to rest and recuperate, I'm happy to be back with a new episode with AP Strange.  We managed to slog through some technical difficulties and made some prayers to the Holy Donut and got the recording back on track.  We talk about the importance of play in magickal workings, he power of not being an expert, tapping into a current that best suits you, Discordianism, and he even set an intention for this podcast having an impact on my life years in the future. And remember: "It's never too long a walk to Main Street." Follow AP Strange for Discordian Weirdness: Find Personal Pans online:
April 13, 2022
18. "Our memories are the keys to divining our futures" - Divination, Horror Movies, and Magic Mike XXL with Katie Webb
Divinatrix, paranormal webseries maven, and horror movie aficionado Katie Webb joins us for this episode of Personal Pans.  Katie talked with me about the art of horror movies, the work of learning tarot, addiction, and the difficulty in dealing with abusers in a small community.  We laughed a whole bunch, especially when she talked about a magical summer seeing Magic Mike XXL with her friends.   Support Katie's work, and her Gorgon-themed genius: Find Personal Pans online:
March 31, 2022
17. "It takes a certain amount of healing to believe that you deserve justice" - Ancestor Work, Healing Trauma, and Finding a Momma in The Morrigan, with Lisa of
What happens when your mother is not a mother?  Where do you find a maternal figure?  When you find yourself in a cult, how do you find the tools to escape?  What happens when your ancestor work connects you to a massacre in Virginia 400 years ago?  This incredible conversation with Lisa of Old Gods Heal addresses this questions and more.  Lisa talks about her journey from a Pentecostal cult to hard polytheism, working with The Morrigan and visiting Rathcroghan, and all of her ancestor work, both through genealogy and ritual. You can find Lisa's writing at and if you have a story to share about how working with a deity helped you through trauma, you can share your story.  You can also find her on Twitter at Follow Personal Pans online:
March 23, 2022
16. "Let me show you your lane" - On being a death doula with an intersectional perspective and working with the Akashic Records with Emmy Colón-Geistlinger
Today's episode features Emmy Colón-Geistlinger, death doula, witch, and medium working from an intersectional perspective.  We talked about the differences between Big T trauma and little t trauma in terms of navigating our reactions to the pandemic, how the pandemic shifter her death doula work, and the ridiculous things that people say about loss. We talked about finally embracing what you feel called to do, which included her experience with learning to read the Akashic Records.  She also talked about creating a healing space for grief called "The Wharf".  She has a Spring Equinox ritual coming up--which you can be a part of by registering here: Follow Emmy online: Keep up with Personal Pans:
March 16, 2022
15. "The sky is for everyone" - Astrology with Maighdlin Kelly
Maighdlin Kelly is my guest tonight for this incredible conversation about astrology.  They talk about their journey to astrology, the astrology of the weird, and the "fractally complicated" nature of astrology.  They encourage everyone to learn astrology on their own because of the comfort of seeing yourself reflected in the universe. Maighdlin is a data-driven astrologer, bringing up the important distinction between correlation and causation in regards to the data that astrologers are looking at.  Because of that, they talk about how gatekeeping sabotages the field of astrology.  They also had some mind-blowing thoughts about play and the phenomenon.  This episode was a delight. Follow Maighdlin online: Look up at the skies on Wednesday night: Follow Personal Pans:
March 10, 2022
14. Seeing the world through hope-colored glasses - Activism and Reclaiming Witchcraft with Irisanya Moon
Author, priestess, and witch Irisanya Moon joins me for tonight's episode of Personal Pans.  She discusses the principles of reclaiming witchcraft and how it's evolved over time to be more inclusive.  We also talked about staying open and curious in a ritual practice, how we can nourish ourselves and each other, and acknowledging the present moment.  We talked about what it means to belong in a community as opposed to trying to make people fit in and the importance of meeting people where they are.  She also caused a paradigm-shifting moment for me by talking about how we should think about how we relate to things as opposed to trying to define those things.   Find Irisanya Online: Information about the upcoming class Iris: Meeting the Goddess of the Rainbow Hang out with Personal Pans:
March 03, 2022
13. Representation, Fact-Checking, and Asking Difficult Questions with Alex Matsuo
Tonight's episode features Alex Matsuo of The Spooky Stuff.  We talk about representation in paranormal television (and how to avoid tropes), the importance of fact-checking and data collection in paranormal research, and using your platform to ask difficult questions.  This conversation was a delight.   Follow Alex online: Follow Personal Pans:
February 23, 2022
12: "The biggest magic in your life is connecting with other people" - Cults, chaos magick, and connection with Jason McConahey
Tonight's episode features Jason McConahey, Pentecostal cult survivor, and magical practitioner.  We talk about being Aquariuses with moons in Scorpio, the pursuit of knowledge, the importance of human connection, and, of course, Hellier.  Jason is one of the first friends I made in the paranormal/occult community, and I still get excited every time I see him post about a new book he's read. Follow Personal Pans:
February 17, 2022
11. Kenneth Anger, Thelema, and Magical Technology with John Thomure
Performance artist and writer John Thomure sits down with me to talk about cults, Thelema, and the movies of Kenneth Anger as occult technology.   Personal Pans:
February 09, 2022
10. "When the Trickster Starts A-Poking" - Joy in the void with Chelle from the Eternal Void, but with Jazz!
Chelle from The Eternal Void, but with Jazz! talks with me about the Trickster, finding lessons in every experience, learning how to wield your swords, and Gogol Bordello. ESOTERICA - Women In Occultism Playlist:  ESOTERICA - 14 Part Series on Kabbalah   Mat Auryn - Psychic Witch   Jack Chanek - Qabalah for Wiccans: Ceremonial Magic on the Pagan Path   Mortellus - (Twitter @acrowandthedead) Do I have to Wear Black   Marco Visconti -   Stephanie Quick - (twitter @WanderinBritchz)   AP Strange - (Twitter @AProdigiosus)   Allen Greenfield: The Grail Within: The True Quest for the Holy Grail and the Western Sex Magick Tradition Allen Greenfield on Twitter: @allengreenfield   Gogol Bordello is featured in the soundtrack for Wristcutters - A Love Story and   The Eternal Void but With Jazz podcast is hosted by Chelle and AP Strange, can be found on Apple, Spotify, and all other podcast providers. (Twitter @void_jazz) Personal Pans:
January 27, 2022
9 - "Of course the horse can come!" - Death, The Morrigan, and Quantum Physics with Mortellus
Mortellus is a witch, necromancer, mortician, medium, and author, and also the best person to talk to about Dark Souls and dark matter.  We talked about trauma (because I always do), death, being called by The Morrigan, the mysteries of dark matter, and carnival life.  They were also generous enough to share a passage and a map from their upcoming book. You can follow Mortellus and their work here: Chill out with Personal Pans on Twitter and/or Instagram:
January 20, 2022
8. Loki, Aphrodite, and Talking to the Tarot with Star (a_starwitch)
Today's episode is with my friend Star, who talks with me about working with Loki and Aphrodite, confronting and healing trauma, tarot, and perfectionism and streaming.  Their cat Mochi makes a guest appearance.     Follow Star online:   Personal Pans:
January 13, 2022
7. Glitches in the Matrix and the Mandela Effect with Mark Obscura
This episode features Mark Obscura.  We talk about loving weird and goth things at a young age, the importance of questioning your assumptions and beliefs, the nature of consciousness, and the Mandela Effect.  As a stress-relief hypnotist, Mark also talked about the power of allowing and reprogramming your own mind.  He also ends the episode with a mentalism trick invented by Max Maven.  This episode was an absolute delight and I hope you enjoy it too. Follow Personal Pans:
January 06, 2022
6. "This episode is brought to you by chaos" with Adler Cooper
We're back from the holiday break with a chaos-fueled conversation with Adler Cooper, a PhD student who feels comfortable talking about ghost farts, adventures in the woods, and haunted ramen.  Adler was part of the Paranormal and Tech panel for the first PanParacon. Check out the panel by clicking here: Follow Personal Pans to stay up to date on the latest episodes:
December 30, 2021
5. Live Episode with the PanParaPals
Today's episode is a relaxed chat with Jayson and Mera, co-organizers of PanParacon.  Do you want to help shape the future of upcoming conferences?  Reach out to us with speaker recommendations or panel ideas. Email us at Send us a message on Twitter: Follow Personal Pans:
December 23, 2021
4. Goosebumps and the call to adventure with Caite of Steampowered Mouse
Today's conversation is with Caite of Steampowered Mouse.  Illustrious designer of the PanParacon logo, she's also a puppeteer.  She talks with me about the importance of play, the call to adventure in the children's and young adult books of the 90s, and the importance of trauma work in being able to react to the paranormal in a curious and playful way.  I loved this conversation and I hope you do too. Follow Caite's work: Find Vanessa lurking on Twitter: Personal Pans:
December 09, 2021
3. "There are plenty of other things trying to limit you. Don't let it be you." - Amanda Woomer talks about The Feminine Macabre and so much else
This incredible episode features Amanda Woomer of The Feminine Macabre and Spook Eats.  We talk about death, transformation, staying curious, and creating the paranormal spaces that you want to see.   Submissions for The Feminine Macabre Volume 3 is open for one more month!  You can submit a piece here: Follow Amanda online: Twitter: Instagram: Buy copies of the first two volumes of The Feminine Macabre here. Follow Personal Pans: Twitter: Instagram:
December 02, 2021
2 - "Oh, she's here? Something weird is going to happen"
Today's conversation is with Alisha Landreth of Tidy Tarot Co.  She talks about a lifetime of high strangeness and how she started making tarot journals and other witchy tools. Follow Alisha: Tidy Tarot C. Linktree: Tidy Tarot on Instagram: Alisha on Twitter: Follow Personal Pans: Twitter: Instagram:
November 25, 2021
1 - Disappearing geckos and mantis photos
Today I talk with Melissa of meloticart about disappearing geckos, tall white ghosts, and mantis apparitions, among other things. Follow Melissa:  Art account:  Podcast:   Follow Personal Pans on Twitter:
November 18, 2021