Skip to main content
N.A.R.C. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Collaborators

N.A.R.C. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Collaborators

By Prajinta Pesqueda
N.A.R.C. provides information to facilitate learning and healing from abuse betrayal following relationships with cluster B disordered individuals (narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths as well as comorbidities like addiction). Content will cover carefully researched material, collaboration with mental health professionals, and interviews with both victim-survivors and experts in the field of NPD. There is a lack of information and a lot of misinformation, so our task is to shine a light on the topic so you may make informed decisions about your healing journey.
Listen on
Where to listen
Apple Podcasts Logo

Apple Podcasts

Breaker Logo


Google Podcasts Logo

Google Podcasts

Overcast Logo


Pocket Casts Logo

Pocket Casts

RadioPublic Logo


Spotify Logo


What RATS Teach Us About Narcissists
Our furry little rodent friends teach us quite a bit about narcissists. Let's scurry on over to a comfy spot with a nice piece of cheese and learn some valuable things from the RAT.
January 20, 2022
It's Time to be a Trooper & Soldier On through the Rough Stuff
The Covid virus has quite a bit in common with your narcissist. They are both potentially deadly, difficult to accept, even harder to recover completely, and will change your life. We must be strong and summon the courage and determination to get past all of these challenges because there is happiness on the other side.
January 13, 2022
They Won't Believe You
Let's begin with contact info. 1. 2. Today, we talk about how little the world at large understands what has happened in the aftermath of a relationship with a person with narcissistic personality disorder. So much misunderstanding, misinformation, cluelessness. NPD is growing, and we all need to understand it. Spread the word!
January 05, 2022
The Death of Morality & Why the Ethical Slut is a Whore
The moral fabric of our world has not simply been torn, it has been ripped to shreds and turned into party confetti for hedonistic revelers to fornicate upon. The narcissism that runs rampant in a world gorged on porn and fat on promiscuity is rampant and growing exponentially. Forever love between two committed partners is quickly becoming obsolete. If you think it's just a moral choice, you're wrong. The very survival of the human species is predicated on the successful pairings of man and women who build a nest to raise their young. People reject that status quo and prefer to nest with multiple partners or remain single forever. We should be worried.
December 29, 2021
A Cautionary Tale: Sloppy Tacos, Vintage Cars, and Tuaca
2021 is rapidly ending and with it a tough and scary year. But as 2022 opens up and things look increasingly uncertain, we all need to buckle up and dig in to fortify ourselves for the work ahead. With that being said, the work we do to extricate ourselves from our narcissist is the work we must do first before we can help others. Like putting on the oxygen mask first in a plane or putting on an asbestos suit before entering a burning building. We save ourselves so we can rescue other victims. So after seeing all the red flags and ending up paralyzed in a dream bubble of delusion, it is time to snap out of it and face the reality that demands our attention. And yes, the narcissist is like your heroin or cryptonite of whatever poison you can imagine. It is lethal. It will kill you. You must let them go and cleanse any trace of them. As 2022 begins, we have hard work to do. . . but I think we can do it. Let's go, guys!!
December 20, 2021
Spiderman: The Narcissist is a Predatory Spider
Narcissists are predators in every sense of the word, and while there are many types of predators out there, the one that resonates with me the most is the spider. There are so many similarities in the way they seduce, trap, paralyze, then devour that it is a chilling image indeed. If you're having trouble letting go, try this aversion therapy idea and picture them as a giant spider.
December 15, 2021
Memory & the Narcissist: They Don't Remember You
People with NPD are history revisionists. They rewrite the past to fit their narrative and completely erase you as if you never existed. This complete annihilation of you and your whole time together is the worst infliction of dehumanizing anguish, existential crisis, and identity destruction that exists. It's as if they have denied your existence on every level and you no longer exist. You are invalidated and forgotten. There is no worse fate.
December 05, 2021
Closure: The Gift the Narcissist Never Gives
Following the relationship with a person with MPD, a feeling of closure is some thing that everyone wants but a few people get. Closure is some thing that you will have to give to yourself because the narcissist will not allow you to have it. Without this feeling of acceptance and resolution, healing and recovery may sputter to a stop. That is why it is so important that we learn how to achieve it without their help.
November 27, 2021
Narcissist Brain Snatchers
New brain science and neurobiology have found revolutionary conclusions about what happens to the victim of narcissistic abuse. They have discovered that the brain is synced with the narcissist and little memory or control happens after that. It's like being abducted by aliens or slipping into a coma. That time is lost. Gone. And it's like you just vanished and left everyone behind. It's time to take back your power. Understanding what happened to your brain is an important first step.
November 23, 2021
Why We Stayed
People will not understand why you stayed. But it is not what they think. There are so many complex reasons we stayed with the partner with NPD. We did not choose it. Something greater than ourselves chose it. And now that we are back on earth and grounded in reality once more, we realize that we were gone all that time. Lost to something that wasn't even real. How did it happen? We need to know.
November 13, 2021
The Mortification of the Narcissist
The shocking reaction when people with NPD face the discrepancy between an ideal view of the self and a drastically contrasting realization. They collapse. They disintegrate. But just when you think they have been destroyed, just like the villain in Terminator who reconstructed himself after all attempts to kell him, the person with NPD resembles themselves, a newer 2.0 version of themselves who has a shinier mask and facade to cover the empty space within. 
November 06, 2021
A Chilling True Story for Spooky Season
Life with a malignant narcissist is like being at a theme park: fun and excitement until the park closes. After dark, it transforms into a creepy place where the narcissist shows you what is behind all the smoke and mirrors. You won't like what you see and what he says. It has the power to kill you. Let's remember, he's done it before when he murdered his true self. Could you be next? 
October 31, 2021
Not an Empty Vessel Just Waiting to be Filled
Today's episode discusses the idea of needing someone else to complete you, validate you, take care of you. The truth is that if you want to truly end PTSD symptoms and achieve complete freedom from your narcissist, you must become independent, determined, and introspective. You must get to the systemic cause or root of the problem. By turning inward and looking at the source, you can recover and begin living again.
October 27, 2021
The Things My Narcissist Taught Me
My narcopath husband was a teacher for nearly 10 years. In fact, we were both teachers and even taught in the same school for a while. As educators, we continued to teach each other things outside the school day. I taught him how to be cultured and refined and academic. He taught me how to enjoy life in the moment with another person, something I had failed to achieve before he came along.  But through the many years, the lessons got harder. And in the end, they were the most savage and brutal lessons a person could ever be expected to learn. It was a transformative, life-altering experience. Am I better for it? I miss the fantasy and intensity of the extravaganza, and reality is pretty harsh and painful these days. But maybe living in a bubble of mutual psychosis is unstainable. And maybe it was my chance to finally unpack the buried trauma I had carried all my life.
October 20, 2021
Architect of Annihilation or Impetus for Improvement?
Some will say that people with NPD/ASPD are pure destruction. Others will say they are simply a catalyst for change and improvement, an opportunity to finally address the issues within. You decide. Maybe it is both?
October 14, 2021
The victim of a person with NPD or psychopathy is not a fool. They are a kind, trusting, hopeful soul who probably has a few unresolved issues that make them a little more vulnerable than the average person, but they are not stupid or foolish by any definition. The true fools are the people who refuse to consider that recover from such a catastrophic relationship in no way resembles a regular period of grief and recovery. For this reason and countless others, everyone needs to have a solid understanding of this dynamic and the aftermath that follows.
October 06, 2021
Polyvagal Theory for Trauma Recovery
This podcast explores polyvagal theory and ways to calm the parasympathetic nervous system which must be regulated in order to avoid mental, emotional, and physical maladies that result from a constant state of hypervigilance.
September 27, 2021
The Narcissist is Peter Pan
“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever.” Please remember, they are not part of this world. They ride on the wings of butterflies we’re all in the imagination comes to life. They can never be part of your world, not even if they tried. They stand outside the intimate world of adults who know how to be real. They are always on the outside looking in.
September 15, 2021
12 Reality Checks for People in Recovery from Relationships with NPD Partners
Recovery is a long road back, but remembering the 12 rules of reality will help you on your way. Pos them, listen to them daily on your way to and from work, memorize them, chant them while doing a dance around a fire. Whatever you do, believe them and set yourself free.
September 07, 2021
The Scrambled Brain of the Narcissist
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a trauma induced neurobiological, physiological brain disorder that impairs the narcissist's ability to lead a healthy, happy life. Let's take a look inside the head of a disordered person with NPD and how it affects them.
September 07, 2021
The Two Stages of Recovery Following Narcissistic Abuse (Full Episode)
Join me for an in-depth look at the two stages of recovery following a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or any combination thereof. Full 1 hour 15 minute deep dive. If you are in recovery, in crisis, or just preparing an exit strategy, please listen and repeat as often as necessary! This is an honest, close look at what you will need to get through if you want to get free, healed, and in control of your own life!
September 07, 2021
Searching for Solace in the Winter of My Life
Recovery is tough enough, but when you are older, it is oh so much harder. But don't despair! We can get through this with the right mindset, some faith in something bigger than all this, and a deep understanding and acceptance of what the narcissist never was and never can be.
August 23, 2021
Never Have I Ever!
So many things about people with NPD are absolutely unbelievable! Never have I ever seen anything like it. Come along and let's take a look at what is so unusual about these disordered people.
July 30, 2021
Madness, Magic, and Monsters - The Narcissists Among Us
The person with NPD, ASPD, and psychopathy is a walking contradiction, shape-shifter, chameleon. He/she is part irrational delusion, part magical unicorn, and part Machiavellian. Tou cannot win with these disordered people. There is no winning. Beware.
July 20, 2021
The Narcissist Parentifies Their Partner
If you are the partner of a person with NPD, you most likely serve as their proxy parent, allow them to recreate childhood dynamics, and will be the recipient of punishment and even torture as a result. Sometimes, we allow the narcissist to parent us as well. It is a complex set of mutually beneficial yet mutually lethal dynamics. 
July 10, 2021
Splitting, Dissociation, Confabulation, & Snapshotting: Understanding the Narcissistically Disordered Mind
Do you want to truly understand what goes on in the mind of a dysregulated, maladapted, personality disordered malignant narcissist? This episode will bring you one step closer.  Let's unpack these 4 fundamental features of the impaired brain:  Splitting, Dissociation, Confabulation, & Snapshotting.
July 02, 2021
NoFux Given
After two years of trying to disconnect from my narcissistic psychopath, and after much research and testimonials on the subject, I have cleaned six different things you can do to get to the place where you can achieve freedom, independence, and full recovery. We are all trying to get there. . . the place where there are no fux given.
June 22, 2021
Interview with Sandy: Warrior Against Misogyny & Pornography
Join us as we interview Sandy from Virginia, as we discuss the use of porn and the culture of misogyny that exist in our culture today. Following 12 years of narcissistic abuse, Sandy has become an activist to enlighten everyone about the dangers of trauma from relationships with people with NPD, the cultural epidemic of pornography, and the misogynistic systemic issues that manifest this plague. Please see these resources:
June 16, 2021
And a Narcissist Shall Lead Them
This episode is a deep dive into the social ramifications of the growing legions of people with narcissistic personality disorder, a SPD, and psychopathy who are in positions of power and control throughout the world. Understanding and possessing a deep understanding of these dynamics will enable you to empower yourself in the growing epidemic of a world without ethics or compassion.
June 11, 2021
Slam, Bam, F*ck You, Maam
We live in a world that is rapidly shifting. It’s as if we are trying to give birth to some thing and experiencing those pains. Many of the changes or not good ones. And the number of narcissist in our world that pray upon the vulnerable is growing exponentially. How do you avoid getting in snared by a narcissist? And what is it exactly that makes us human? We need to keep these things in mind as we move forward.
June 06, 2021
Epigenetics, Imprinting, & Generational Curses
Did you know that trauma can change your cell structure at the DNA level? Did you know that babies can be programmed in the womb by trauma? A relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath is not one of simply emotional or physical abuse. It affects you on a cellular level and changes you forever.
June 02, 2021
To My Replacement
There are indisputable, absolute truths about narcissists and psychopaths and the inevitable outcome of relationships with them. I am compelled to speak a few truths to illuminate it all and document the future for my replacement. 
May 26, 2021
Stuck in the Badlands
A break up following a regular typical relationship may take anywhere from a few months two a year or longer. But recovery from a relationship with a narcissist sociopath, or psychopath is a completely different kind of recovery experience. There are many factors that exist in these healing journeys that do not exist following the typical breakup. They may become stuck or hit a wall. And it is difficult to ascertain the way forward.
May 20, 2021
The Red Ant Hill
The recovery from Narcissistic and Psychopath abuse can be an arduous journey to say the least. I stepped into an ant hill and several tenacious little buggers latched onto my foot. The pain and indignities that followed exemplify the challenge that is before us. There are so many different things at play during a difficult recovery such as this. Emotional thinking can get in the way of cognitive thinking. Reconciling the head and the heart is no easy task. But they can’t love us, so we must let them go and try to learn how to fend for ourselves.
May 14, 2021
How to Raise a Narcissist
10 tips on how NOT to raise a narcissist. But first, a look at a decaying culture of decadence and ego that contributes to a society that is a perfect incubator for the development of the narcissist. We examine how women are groomed to become fresh meat for the hungry predator. A world of users who exploit, manipulate, use and abuse and then discard in the name of self-preservation. 
May 06, 2021
The Sky Really is Falling-Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse During an Apocalypse
The wisdom of Henny Penny seems to fit these days. The sky really is falling and is tumbling down all around us. And for those of us who are trying to get back on our geet after a nuclear bomb was dropped on our heads, well, it is a little much. But the similarities between the way the world seems to be unravelling from the inside out and the way that the fabric of our lives was completely destroyed is actually quite similar. The way we all get through this and survive is to first acknowledge what has happened and accept the reality of what that means. It means there is no turning back. Only forward. And we march forward with courage and creativity, with faith and a mosral compass to direct us. That's how we might survive.
April 30, 2021
Unpacking Personality Disorders: The Mad, the Bad, & the Sad
There are three categories of personality disorders on the DSM chart of mental disorders. Named Cluster A, B, and C, we take a look at each category and zoom in on the most talked-about type in recent days. There seems to be a new awareness of these dysregulated, maladapted individuals, and that is welcome news. Cluster A is known for some degree of delusion or psychosis, cluster B for its anti-social lack of empathy or remorse, and Cluster A is the fear and anxiety group. You know the ones who are the "Cluster of Chaos," the notorious Cluster B. We will zoom in for a closer look at these Bad Boys of personality disorders.
April 23, 2021
The Center Will Not Hold- If You Want to Live, You Must Let Them Die
Following abuse from a disordered individual like a narcissist or psychopath, there comes a tipping point where everything crumbles. It happened so suddenly after striking a perfect balance for such a long time. Going and going only to collapse upon itself. If we want to live, we must let them die. This podcast incorporates the works of Joan Didion along with one of the best poems of the 20th century. It is prophetic. The task that both the survivor and the citizen of the world must do at this time in history. We must release the past.
April 16, 2021
Narcissist or Psychopath?
While there are distinguishing features that separate the narcissist from the psychopath, there are many overlapping common traits much like in a Venn Diagram. Not all people with narcissistic personality disorder are psychopaths,; however, all psychopaths are narcissists. The person with NPD is made while the psychopath is born that way. Let's take a look at how many share a blended pathology that is important to understand. You want to know what you are dealing with, right?
April 07, 2021
Interview with Survivor Tina
As Survivor Tina came to terms with narcissism and realized the abuse she was enduring, she was finally able to leave the relationship. Healing for Tina has turned into a passion to create jewelry for Survivors. “11:11, Messages of Hope from Angels” is a non-profit endeavor whereby Tina helps a Survivor design a piece of jewelry specific to their path of healing and then finds an Angel Sponsor to pay for the piece.  If you are a Survivor and would like to design a piece or would like to be a sponsor, please contact Tina on her IG @tinareel1111.
April 04, 2021
Love Song for a Sea Slug
Today, we have a little fun with the comparison of a sea creature who can amputate parts of their own body and re-generate a new improved version in its place. I expressed my desire to possess the same skill in suffering the disease and contaminated parts of myself that have been devoured by the narcissist or sociopath, and replacing it with a whole and healthy new version of myself. Wishful thinking. This little tongue in cheek illustrates our need for healing.
March 28, 2021
The condition of being naked is a powerful and complex idea. Metaphorically it can mean a sense of vulnerability or honesty. On another level it can create humiliation, embarrassment, and the kind of vulnerability that makes us powerless. The idea of being naked in relationship terms with a cluster B disordered Narcissist or Psychopath is a phenomena unlike any other.
March 25, 2021
Forgive Them for They Know Not What They Do
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. It is complicated, and for a time, it may be completely out of reach. Can we hold people responsible for their sins against us and others if they are mentally dysregulated and impaired? Should we simply pity them? What can we do to be at peace with what has happenned? So many questions and no perfect answers or absolutes. 
March 16, 2021
When the Sweetness is Poison
What happens when sweetness turns out to be poison? Sweetness is a highly valued quality in our world, and the narcopath has adapted, assimilated, and learned how to be sweet as cherry pie with ice cream on top. After a brief digression about assigning labels, the value of sweetness is examined and the qualities that are truly important are identified:  moral virtue, loyalty, steadfastness, honesty, transparency, commitment, self-sacrifice, generosity, fidelity, devotion, courage. These are the things that matter the most.
March 06, 2021
Drowning in an Inch of Water: Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness paralyzes recovery after abuse from a Cluster B partner. It is a dynamic that happens slowly over the course of a relationship with a narcopath that is a total erosion of your ability to be a self-actualized, whole, and complete individual. You come to depend on the narcopath for all cues and behaviors and responses. You depend on them to be the only source of your existence and survival. They take away all of your power until you are a raw, defenseless, helpless, incapable mess. You are not helpless, and your only chance of freedom from this nightmare is to assert your ability to be a complete individual without the need to attach or become addicted to external people or things.
February 26, 2021
When Murder is Your Best Option
The narcissist psychopath is a murderer, and more importantly, they have already murdered themselves. The only way you can be free is to ceremoniously "kill" them (not literally in real life). One good kill deserves another. And by putting them in their rightful place, you can carry on as the widow (er) you actually are.
February 20, 2021
Sex and the Narcissistic Psychopath
The narcopath uses sex to get supply (fuel) and to control. They do not see you as a human being but as an object and as a way to get what they need. They may appear charming and kind and polite depending on what type of narcissist they may be and the degree of sociopathy or psychopathy which is present, but it is all a false persona. The real person who is rockin' your world is dead inside. So completely and utterly absent that they are ghosts, vampires, wizards who only feel human when they take your life force. You may be blown away by their sexual skills, but if you pay close attention, you will know something does not feel quite right. Intimacy is faked and feels strange. Listen to your intuition. These disordered individuals are incapable of ever being real. Think Pinnochio or Tinman. They are not real. 
February 06, 2021
When I am Alone, I Disappear
Childhood trauma can create a toxic script and faulty programming that follow that child forever. We tend to reconstruct dynamics in adulthood that mimic the ones we had as children. Let’s take a look at the three different categories of personality disorders and how each of them have reacted in a maladaptive, dysfunctional way to their childhood wounding.
January 31, 2021
The Boggy Marshes and the Howling Wilderness
You have loved a narcissist or sociopath.  You have been discarded.  Annihilated. Cast aside. Jettisoned. Thrown away. Expelled. Catapulted. Destroyed. Expunged. Erased. Pushed over the cliff.  You get the picture.  And once you find yourself lost in the  Boggy Marshes and the Howling Wilderness, you must find your way out before you become an immortal lost soul.
January 25, 2021
The Smirk, the Stare, the Sulk & the Silence
Disordered individuals with Cluster B disorders like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), anti-social personality disorder (sociopaths), psychopaths, and borderlines (BPD) all have overlapping characteristics that define their illness and serve as red flags to mark their mental impairment. If you are involved with one of them, I am sure you have witnessed these 4 manipulations. If you are just trying to figure it all out, watch for these. All of them do it like they all have the same playbook and follow it to the letter. When you see these manifestations of their illness, beware! They are warning signs that need to be noticed and interpreted.
January 21, 2021
Friending My Inner Child
When recovering from narcissistic (or sociopathic/psychopathic) abuse, it is important at some point to turn away from the dysregulated partner and turn inward to heal and become whole. A critical part of that healing comes from work done with the wounded, injured child within. It may seem like an insurmountable task, but it is a necessary one. Give her(him) space and time to tell you what they need. It will be the most meaningful friendship you ever have.
January 15, 2021
Your Crucifixion is the Narcissist’s Resurrection
Why are you must die for them. A partnership with a personality disordered narcissist always has an expiration date. The only way that it can end is with your death, either metaphorically or literally. We will discuss the dead mother syndrome and the reasons why the narcissist must demand this sacrifice.
December 28, 2020
All I Want for Christmas. . . The Three Must Have's of the Narcissist
What are the three things that all narcissists )NPD) and sociopaths (ASPD) MUST have in order to survive? 1. Fuel 2. {erks & Benefits 3. Character Traits
December 24, 2020
Feeding the Starving Child Within
When we understand the insatiable hunger within, we can achieve wholeness. When we befriend our inner child and nourish him/her, we can achieve healing. Abuse from a disordered partner with a Cluster B disorder (narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy) wll create a trauma induced reaction that can only be addressed by self-partnering and learning to parent our own inner child.
December 13, 2020
No Contact & Addiction with Teahna
There are many reasons why establishing a successful no contact regime following trauma from a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath, but it is one of the single most important things t implement if you want to get free and recover. We talk about ways to achieve success and how to self-partner for wholeness and healing. Follow me: Join us on January 9th 1:00-3:00 for our live workshop called Warrior's Path to Wholeness.
December 05, 2020
Healing the Whole Person with Teahna
Teahna is my guest today as we discuss the different parts of the person that must heal after the trauma and grief following abuse from a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. Mental health is only one component. Restoring the energetic body is another facet of recovery that cannot be ignored.  Join us on January 9, 2021, from  1:00-3:00 for "A Warrior's Path to Wholeness" Here we will create a safe space to explore tools to reimagine a life without the need to seek external validation or unhealthy attachments. Later in the month, Teahna will offer a course to keep you moving in the right direction. Together, we can accept the past, let it go, find peace with the present, and create a free and beautiful future. .
December 03, 2020
They Always Wear a Mask
The narcopath always wears an elaborate and well-constructed mask, yet like Darth Vader, there is nothing with a shriveled, quivering, gelatinous pile of goo at the core--destroyed long ago by the ones who were supposed to love and protect but could not or would not. What do we have to do to break free of this nightmare? Look behind the mask, accept the truth, and let it go.
December 01, 2020
I Hate Everything About You!
Contempt is a primary feature in the narcissistic cycle of abuse. The disordered individual must demonize and shift the blame to their partner so they can play the victim and walk away with their good-guy image intact. They actually believe in their own revisionist history and altered reality. Because they do not have object constancy, their significant source of fuel intimate partner is either painted black or white and out of sight out of mind. Actually, they are completely out of their mind, always down the rabbit hole with magical thinking and no concept of reality. They said they loved you yesterday, but today...they hate everything about you?
November 18, 2020
It Ends with a BANG, Not a Whimper
This is how the world ends with a narcissistic sociopath. It comes out of nowhere. You don't know what hit you. And the contempt, hatred, and murderous cruelty are unbelievable. You did nothing wrong, yet they demonize you in the worst ways imaginable, then they often ghost you and disappear like magic. 
November 09, 2020
Following abuse from a person with a personality disorder like the narcissist or sociopath, the abuse often continues. Whether you escaped or they discarded you, there are ways that you continue to be abused. There is only one way to stop the madness.
October 26, 2020
Neurolinguistic Programming: A Popular Narcissistic Tool
NLP is a type of clever conditioning often used by the personality disordered cadre of dysregulated individuals.
October 19, 2020
Sex Addiction is the Somatic Narcissist's Drug of Choice
The somatic narcissist weaponizes his body, and sex addiction often manifests as comorbidity. It is a dangerous duo, as deadly as taking your partner by the hand and tumbling headfirst into the Grand Canyon.
October 05, 2020
If You’re Happy and You Know It
The Narcopath believes that if they are happy, the whole world should sing along.
September 25, 2020
Narcopath: False Self & False God
The narcopath manufactures a false self in order to survive unbearable trauma and abuse in their early years, and they also create a false belief that they are their own God as they worship their own ego and their own delusions in their alternate universe where they dwell.
September 21, 2020
I Left My Heart in San Francisco
I married a covert somatic mid-range narcissist and stayed with him for 16 years while the world burned down around me. I loved him without boundaries and San Francisco became our Camelot. I had planned to go there my whole life, and now I had a partner who could share the magic with me. But love with a personality disordered person does not ever have a happy ending. This is my story of Love and California and the fairy dust that makes some things impossible to give up.
September 11, 2020
Are You My Mother?
Narcissists unconsciously seek to heal the mother wound. The results are often tragic for everyone.
August 30, 2020
Recovery following abuse by a personality disordered individual such as the narcissist or psychopath can be a long and arduous process. Many modalities must be explored in order to heal the many damaged parts of the mind body and soul. This trauma and resulting PTSD affects millions if not billions of people per year.
August 23, 2020
The Perfect Pandemic Partner
What if the perfect pandemic isn’t who you’re hoping for? What if it is someone you really need to get to know. Spend some quality time. Show them love and kindness. Look in the mirror. It’s time to do the work to get healthy and whole.
August 16, 2020
The Cruelest Cuts are the Deepest
People with personality disorders like the narcissist may seem too good to be true when they are feeding off of your delicious fuel. But at some point, it ends, and you run dry. Overnight, they become savage butchers who know how to slice and slash their way to the bone when they are ready to devalue or discard and when they suffer a narcissistic injury. Prepare to bleed. It's nothing personal. None of it is really about you. It's just what they have to do. A leopard cannot change its spots, a zebra cannot change its stripes, and these magnificent beasts cannot change the fact that they are the most deadly animals in the jungle.
August 14, 2020
REBORN: The Choice to Live or Die After Narcissistic Abuse
Following a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath, there is trauma that forces you to decide. You can allow the former self to die and accept and allow a rebirth or new creation of a new self OR you can do nothing, cling to the past, surrender to your addicted brain and stay stuck in an endless loop of despair and depression. By not choosing, you effectively choose to die.
August 07, 2020
The Jezebel Spirit & Demonic Influence in the Empty Core of a Narcissist
The narcissist is an empty vessel and must fill the emptiness with fuel from external sources. This moral deficiency and "lack of being" constitutes  a form of evil that may make them vulnerable to entity possession. We examine what is at the core of a narcissist and how dispelling the demonic influence cannot be achieved without their participation and consent, and it will not heal them or be enough in the end. They are hollow and must acquire a false self, large amounts of fuel, and magical thinking that allows them to live in a world of illusions. . .  always convinced that they are the good guy and they are the victim.
July 30, 2020
The traumatic relational experience that causes recovery from narcissistic abuse to be so difficult can be overcome by channeling the power of love through God energy and light. It can be healing to repeat affirmations about love and your need to turn inward for answers, not look to external forces outside yourself for validation or to complete you. Practice this meditation twice a day and add your own affirmations. Habits like this can really speed up recovery and set you free.
July 26, 2020
Flippin' the Script with Rob Brown
Rob Brown is my guest today from the Lonestar Music Fest podcast series and flips the script by interviewing me. We discuss N.A.R.C. and Narc Troopers including the mission and the history of the work.
July 26, 2020
The Gentleman Narcissist and the Blind Man on the Beach
Some types of narcissists weaponize courtesy, charm, and charisma to achieve their single-minded goal of receiving fuel in the form of attention, adoration, validation, etc... In many ways, they are like the blind man on the beach. There is a lesson to learn here that might just help you see things more clearly yourself.
July 18, 2020
Nihilism and Narcissism
Nihilists believe that life has no true meaning or purpose, there is no true moral imperative, and that God does not exist. The narcissist believes that meaning is what they design, there is no right or wrong or moral compass, and that they are God. Let's examine these ideas and use them to help ourselves break the addiction to these sick and disordered Cluster B partners.
July 15, 2020
Guided GROUNDING Meditation-Elements & Energy
Using the elements to ground yourself during times of stress, anxiety, or sadness has been a common practice that spans all times and cultures. This grounding meditation brings in the energy of earth, water, wind, and fire to settle the spirit and power up your core energy flow for feelings of relaxation and empowerment.
July 14, 2020
Guided Healing Meditation- LOVE
Love is everything. When healing from trauma, PTSD, abandonment, addiction, insomnia, attachment issues, emotional dysregulation, and excessive rumination following narcissistic/sociopathic relationship abuse, focusing on energy, divine light, and the restorative power of LOVE can help you manage the pain.
July 10, 2020
Killing Me Softly
The "trauma brain" is dysregulated and a tremendous source of pain and despair following abuse from a Cluster B disordered partner. The mind and the body have been annihilated on so many levels. We examine the science behind it and look at my personal experiences to illustrate the phenomena.
July 06, 2020
TRiPpiN BaLLs & MAgiCaL ThiNkIng
Narcissists , sociopaths, and psychopaths often have co-morbidities such as addiction, and one of the most common is drug addiction. They love to push boundaries, break rules, and make their own code to live by. Hallucinogens are a popular accompaniment to anti-social personality disorder. If that weren't enough, they also live in a delusional world of illusion, projection, and deflecting that cause them to lose touch with reality and indulge in a false self that is only real to them.
July 05, 2020
Guided Meditation for Healing Wounded Inner Child & Balancing Energy
The first few 7-8 minutes offer an explanation on the benefits of meditation following emotional trauma and abuse, and the last 20 minutes offers a guided meditation to phelp you on your recovery journey. If you'd like more healing resources, visit my website
July 01, 2020
Lizard Brain and Monkey Madness
Understanding the brain is key to recovery following emotional and psychological trauma following a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. In fact, they can murder your brain. Healing the brain and learning to manage it is super important.
June 29, 2020
Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death: A survivor's journey after narcissistic abuse
June 18th is the 1-year anniversary of the "discard'" when my ex-husband with narcissistic personality disorder kicked me to the curb. I have suffered the worst year of my life and am actually a bit surprised that I survived at all. He recently denied that he has NPD even though he admitted it the day he discarded me suddenly and ruthlessly. My long term therapist who also saw him confirmed the diagnosis years ago, but I did not listen. Now, I pay for that every day. A recovery from narcissistic abuse looks nothing like a regular divorce or disengagement. The trauma is consuming and life-threatening. The advice of the day: "When you know, you go."
June 18, 2020
Interview with ST Rappaport: Healing the Inner Child with CJEA
ST Rappaport is Relationship Photographer, Creative Journal Expressive Arts Coach, founder of Genius Relationships and host of the LifePix Relationships Podcast. After observing, listening, and connecting with so many couples, ST is on a mission to find out what makes relationships work and how they can become extraordinary and is here to help as many couples as possible.  We discuss CJEA is a technique that uses creative endeavors and non-dominate hand exercises to guide clients toward resolving the issues that the inner child holds in the body. For your free mini session, go to Link to other therapists and more information: 
June 12, 2020
3 Things That Will Kill You: COVID-19, Social Injustice & Racism, and the Predatory Narcissist
The world is a dangerous place. In the summer of 2020, there are several things that could actually kill you. The global pandemic is worsening in many places and is far from over as people rush out to enjoy the reopening of everything after months of quarantine fatigue.  Then there are riots and civil unrest following centuries of systemic racism and inequality that make it unsafe and even lethal to go to the grocery if you are brown or black. Let's also throw in climate change and a killer hurricane season with what looks to be an economy teetering on the brink of collapse. One helluva time to be alive, right? But wait, there's one more thing. Yep, you guessed it...oh you know me so well. The narcissist with a personality disorder who is the ultimate predator, beautiful but a deadly predator nonetheless. Sometimes, they actually kill their victims, but as we all know, there are many ways to die and many ways to murder someone. They are experts at destroying you so completely that there is nothing left but ashes and a few bone fragments. Not for the faint-hearted, Cluster B personality disordered predators are masters of annihilation and then blame you for forcing them to destroy you then erase all memory that you ever existed at all.
June 10, 2020
The Seduction: A Glittery, Shimmering, Sparkling Mirage
A mirage is not real, and neither is the narcissist. The 3 stages of narcissistic abuse are idealization, devaluation, and discard. In the first stage, seduction is a powerful hurricane filled with an intensity that binds you to the narcissist in ways that tie you to them forever. They need your fuel, and the only way to be sure you lavish them with gushing delicious fuel is to seduce you and take ownership of their new supply. You may be thinking, "It will be different with me. I will tame him, fix him, save him, change him, etc..."  Think again. You will not come out of this alive. The euphoria and bliss at the beginning will not be worth the thousand deaths you will experience at the end. One word of advice. RUN.
June 06, 2020
Interview with Survivor Thriver Shane from Phillip Island-Victoria, Australia
Interview with guest Shane from the land down under with the ocean at his doorstep and the infamous annual penguin parade. His experience in a long marriage with a partner suffering from NPD illustrates how narcissism is a global epidemic with deadly fallout. Shane discusses the dynamics of life with a narcissist and the road to healing after an unexpected and brutal discard.
June 02, 2020
It Was Never Real
People with narcissistic personality disorder create a false self and live in an illusion, an imaginary world filled with magical thinking. They are incapable of authenticity, intimacy, and real human emotions. They are often quite skilled at creating a false self, but sooner or later the mask slips off and the true composition of the narcissist is revealed. It is a devastating moment that will be imprinted on you forever, but we must accept reality and be careful to stay firmly grounded in it.
May 29, 2020
Unpack the Trauma Stored in Your Body
Trauma is not just a mental or emotional phenomenon. It can be stored in the body over years, even decades. Understand how it works and how to release it so you can have freedom from repetitive destructive patterns. It gives a whole new meaning to baggage, and it must be unpacked and put away once and for all.
May 25, 2020
The Art of Self-Mutilation After Traumatic Abuse
The road to recovery after a relationship ends with a narcissist or psychopath is filled with crazy ups and downs, victories and defeats. People often say, "Healing is not linear." I know I have battled with my best effort to stay alive and put myself back together, better than before. But sometimes, we do some crazy stuff. This triggering tale tells of my post discard decision to remove the parts of my body that he oh so delicately tortured me with. But it was torture and abuse and shame and degradation and hurt. The surgeon's knife was so much less painful than the way my narcopath carved me up. Needless to say, there is quite a bit of regret and a warning to everyone not to jump out of the plane without a parachute.
May 22, 2020
In Sickness and Health: No! The Narcissist Will Not Take Care of You
People with personality disorders cannot take care of others when they become sick or injured or acquire a disability. Let's explore the top 10 reasons they cannot take care of you, then discuss how impactful this can be in a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath.
May 18, 2020
Rising to Change: COVID-19 and the Narcissist
We are witnessing an epic opportunity to let go of a toxic past and embrace a new reality that is healthier and holds more promise and potential than the last. This is happening in the current global transformation as well as with the recovery experience after a narcissistic relationship. Getting there is no picnic. There will be grief as we release that which is broken and fear of a future without it. But if we can hold on, life can be better. A new 2.0 version of economic, political, health systems and more. . . and a new improved version of life without the narcissist offering false promises and empty love.
May 08, 2020
Interview with Survivor Thriver Teahna- priestess, author, alchemist, and author
Teahna is a survivor of narcissistic abuse, an energy worker, and a healing facilitator. Coming to us originally from California and most recently from Maui, Hawaii, Teahna brings her experience and gifts to the discussion of recovery. We examine how energy work is often a necessary component of a fully developed recovery program. She comprises one of my own teams who has worked to piece me back together after a brutal narcissistic discard in June 2019. I have much gratitude and respect for her work since I have personally benefited from it. You may contact her at
May 04, 2020
A Heapin' Helpin' of Dehumanizing Discard with a Side of Soul Shred
Being discarded by a partner with a personality disorder like narcissism or psychopathy is a degrading and humiliating experience that will take years to fully process and overcome. It tears away at the very fabric of your reality and destroys you in ways that you cannot imagine. Victims must reject victim status and fight to reclaim some sense of normality and well being.
April 27, 2020
Interview with Survivor Stephanie-Healing Facilitator and Spiritual Coach
Welcome, Stephanie from Austin, Texas. You may contact her at Cactus Bloom Healing Alternative & Holistic Health Service on Facebook or Instagram. Her healing modalities can guide and support the recovery process following abusive relationships and assist in the integration and healing of childhood programming that may not be serving your highest good. Website:
April 25, 2020
Interview with Survivor Misty DV Advocate
Misty is a survivor of domestic abuse and advocates for women who are victims of domestic violence. Doing outreach from her home in Alabama, we can see how the challenges to recovery and freedom are difficult regardless of geographical location. 
April 24, 2020
Lucifer Captured Him, Then Came After Me
The relationship between demonic influence and mentally disordered individuals has been a subject of exploration for years. My husband allowed dark forces to come in, not consciously choosing it, but by passively allowing it due to impure intentions and narcissistic personality disorder. I was surprised that it could infect me through him, but it did.
April 19, 2020
My narcopath Ex-Husband and I share a bond that enables us to share energy and thoughts with over 1000 miles between us. I am an empath and pick up these things easily, and he is a dysregulated, maladapted person with a personality disorder and powers that are substantial. But the crossroads that we both discovered simultaneously last week are not the only message here. As a planet undergoing transformation, we are all at a crossroads. We can choose to do better or to continue a downward spiral. The clock is ticking. 
April 13, 2020
"Would You Like a SMEAR on that Sh*t Sandwich?"
The smear is the inevitable follow-up to the discard at the end of a relationship with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath. They use it to blame shift and name themselves the one and only true victim. 
April 06, 2020
Empath Supernova & Narcissist Black Hole
The parallels between an empath and a supernova are undeniable. A comparison of the life of a star to that of an empath who is in love with a person with a personality disorder.
April 01, 2020
When the World Ends -
We all have thought about this at one time or another. Who do we want beside us if the world were coming to an end? My husband unexpectedly discarded me nine months ago. It is March 31, 2020, and I face the current pandemic and possible end of my life alone. Completely alone. Life continues day by day, and the silence and solitude can be unbearable. Think about the person you plan to stand shoulder to shoulder with through any apocalyptic event. If they are a narcissistic sociopath, they will save themselves and leave you for dead. Be careful who you believe in. Listen to your intuition. . . you know what they are.
March 31, 2020
Contagion! Narc Cooties
The nasty little buggers that linger after narcissistic abuse are deeply embedded in every nook and crannie, and it will require a strong pesticide to kill the virulent pestilence that infects the victim. It is important to identify the culprit for what it is and exterminate it. More deadly than imaginable, you must defeat it if you hope to have a full recovery.
March 21, 2020
Prayer and Despair - Just Look Up
Regardless of the source of your pain whether it comes from a relationship with an abusive and dysregulated partner or loss and fear from the aftermath of Covid-19, what we need most is strength, trust, and faith that comes from a higher power.
March 19, 2020
Love in the Time of COVID-19
While life-threatening events can bind people together, for those who are recently single and recovering from relationship trauma, a crisis and subsequent isolation can feel exceptionally lonely and difficult. 
March 15, 2020
Trauma Bonding: The Tie the Breaks Us
An intimate look at my story and the trauma bonding that has kept me tethered to my covert narcissist ex-husband for the past nine months since he suddenly discarded me. Perhaps my experience and insight can give validation and hope to those experiencing a similar struggle and also serve to educate their friends and family about the need to support those who have been trauma bonded to abusive, brainwashing conditioning at the hands of a narcissist or sociopath who may or may not understand the cycle of their own dysfunction. 
March 03, 2020
What Doesn't Serve You Makes You a Better Person
People are so hung up om what serves them and so determined to get rid of anything that does not "serve them." What a ridiculous and shallow way to live. Whatever happened to forever love and forever family? You do not discard them like the weekly trash. In the end, that attitude will leave you empty and alone.
February 26, 2020
Wounding, Cold Fury, & Reimagining Life After the Narcissist
Narcissistic injury inevitably happens and results in cold fury experienced by the covert narcissist, but their final discard allows survivors the opportunity to create a life that is free of dysfunction and unlimited in possibility.
February 23, 2020
The Pink Cloud Effect
I am a love junkie. And on the road to recovery, I am on the lookout for pink clouds that will impede my sobriety and hinder my progress. Why the gritty inner work is necessary, even when the pink frothy, fluffy yumminess calls to us.
February 22, 2020
Interview with Survivor Thriver Josh
What is it like to be raised by a father with a narcissistic personality disorder, and how can someone overcome childhood wounding to become a whole and healthy adult?
February 18, 2020
Feast and Famine: A Fractured Fairy Tale
You were famished, and I fed you. You grew strong, then you devoured me.
February 11, 2020
Where is My Mind? A Look Inside the Mind of a Narcissist
Ever wonder what is going on inside the head of a narcissist or sociopath? The way their brain interacts with the world around them is both sublime and horrific. They are both gifted exceptional intuitive humans who spread joy & bliss and also dangerously remorseless, amoral destroyers without emotional empathy or mercy for their victims. They sleep differently, dream differently, and even possess superhuman abilities that separate them from the rest of us. 
February 01, 2020
Healing Practices
I have provided 12 suggestions to help ypu heal from a narcassistic relationship. I hope you find something helpful to you.
January 25, 2020
How to Not Die of a Broken Heart
After a relationship with a cluster B individual (narcopath- narcissist-sociopath), the road back to wholeness and wellness is treacherous and agonizing. There are things that might make it easier like routines, emergency go-to strategies, and repurposed mindsets. Let's take a look at some of the things that can help.
January 25, 2020
Interview with Survivor Thriver Amy
Today we talk to Amy in Austin, Texas who shares her experience with divorce court and the aftermath following the final end of her 26-year marriage to a person with a narcissistic personality disorder.
January 21, 2020
It’s All in Your Head
Brain chemistry plays an enormous role in addiction, trauma bonding, and relationships with a person with narcissistic personality disorder. Learning how to manage it is an important part of recovery.
January 17, 2020
New Decade-Old Issues: Intentions to Manifest Healing in 2020
We made it to a new decade of hope and healing for ourselves and the planet. In the spirit of new beginnings, I share 5 intentions I bring forward to 2020. Creating the best version of ourselves possible is no easy task. May we all experience great success and abundance, and when we fail, just get up and get on. We will eventually arrive at our destination.
January 13, 2020
Reality, check under the hood.
People mean well, but you just can't tell them the truth. Admitting the truth about a relationship with a NARC is like admitting your car is out of oil.
January 09, 2020
This episode offers a tool for self healing brought to you by B.Emery. It is a tool that she developed on her healing journey. It brings awareness to your natural traits that attract narcissistic people to you. Try it, it's pretty enlightening. Peace and love
January 09, 2020
The Unsent Letter
B. Emery shares a recovery technique that enables individuals recovering from abuse to lay their pain to rest. The letter to the offender is written for therapeutic benefit but never actually sent. It worked for her, so perhaps you can add it to your recovery toolbox.
January 07, 2020
From Victim to Survivor to Thriver: Understanding Narcissistic Recovery
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is no easy task. It is important to move through the phases of healing so that you do not become stuck and fail to move on and be free from the pain. It is possible to claim survivor status and eventually get to the thriving stage if you know what to look for and give it the time and attention it deserves.  Do you have a recovery tip to help others navigate this tough journey? If so, email me at
January 06, 2020
What I Learned About Trauma Recovery from the Anti-Hero, Jessica Jones
Help comes from the most unexpected places. In today's episode, we look at how mind mapping and other techniques can be used to override your brain in ways that can help subdue the ever-present anxiety and potential panic attacks that happen when going through withdrawal from a relationship with a disordered individual. If you would like to share strategies that work for you in calming, grounding, and centering yourself, please share at:
January 05, 2020
Gettin' Jiggy with It When You're Still Stuck on Mr. Wrong
At what point after a breakup do you try to move on with another partner? Will physical intimacy help you detach from the one who broke you when you just can't seem to let them go? This episode explores the idea that we will know when we are ready to begin again and until then, any effort to rush recovery and replace the one we loved and lost will be counter-productive and even harmful in your recovery process. Email us and share your experience at:
January 04, 2020
Butter, Burn, and Blast
There are cyclical patterns in narcissistic abuse: ideation or love-bombing, devaluation, and discard. Without exception, the cycles happen at varying speeds from mere weeks up to decades depending on what type of narcissist or cluster B individual you are in a relationship with. It is crucial to understand these three stages of the relationship even if your narcissist is unaware of them themselves. Only a small percent of narcissists are fully aware of what is happening and understand what they are doing and why they are doing it. In that sense, they are also victims of this relentless and tragic devolution of all of the relationships they will ever experience. Be prepared, have an exit strategy, and,"Once you know, you go." It's the best advice you'll ever receive.
January 03, 2020
20 Affirmations for 2020
Welcome to 2020! My new year's gift to you is 20 affirmations to bring in a new decade of health and happiness. Listen to them as reminders and reassurance as often as you are so compelled. And if you think of new affirmations that I may have overlooked, please email me and I'll add a few here in the notes. Send to:
January 01, 2020
Welcome to N.A.R.C. - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Collaborators
Introduction to N.A.R.C. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Collaborators.  P. Pesqueda and collaborator B. Emery will take you on a weekly journey to understanding, healing, and thriving after experiencing betrayal trauma and abuse from Cluster B disordered individuals (narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths with comorbidities such as addiction).   Join us as we explore topics gathered through rigorous research & deep-dive investigations, conduct interviews with victims/survivors, mental health professionals and other experts, and unpack the top recovery strategies offering a variety of effective methods to navigate to and through recovery.  Stay tuned for an upcoming YouTube video channel, Facebook group, free webinars, and recovery kits. The official website with the N.A.R.C. blog will be live by Valentine's Day, and you may contact us anytime at
December 31, 2019
The Covert Narcissist and How They Differ from Other Cluster B Personality Disordered individuals
The covert narcissist is a unique individual who is not like a neuro-typical person nor are they like any other narcissistic personality disordered individual. They are often the most insidious and dangerous of all cluster B dysregulated people. Learn what the red flags are and how to prepare for the ultimate ending in the cycle of narcissistic abuse (idealization, devaluation, and discard).
December 31, 2019