TheRuffLife

Let’s talk about Trauma and how to heal.

Snoop and I are still hanging out. He’s still skittish and scared of everything and nothing, all at once. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to my fabulous/retired life.

Episode 2: Movies watched and reviewed.

Episode 1: When we retire we have all these things we’re going to do, places to go, but when the time comes to do or go, things can change.

Me and my girls, Rachel and Kayatta aka Bird, take on the list of restaurants (28) we would/wouldn’t want to go to, on a first date. Is this list based on age? Who are the ladies that were surveyed and what are their ages?

On your self-care journey, hopefully, you will find things to do, that will help you increase your self-care. There are ways to help us along the way, and one of them is to STOP Ranting on social media. It zaps your spirit and gives no peace. Get somewhere and sat down. Sing a song that breathes life into your soul, and sing it loud. Also, I have found that scented candles help us relax and wind down from the days stresses. And if you have done the above, get yourself a dog/cat. Animals have a way of allowing us to relax and be calm. CHOOSE YOURSELF!!!!

As young girls, we had lists of who we would marry, how many kids, etc., Some of us have held on to those lists, and cannot figure out why no one met the criteria. Try letting go of that list and just be in the moment. No one can be all the things you want and neither can you. Choose love, and don’t be afraid of being vulnerable, and getting your heart broke. While you are deciding whether or not you want to rid yourself from the list, remember that there are things about you that you have no control over, like your name. Nowadays, people legally change their names because they don’t like it, or they feel others won’t pronounce it correctly. Your name means something to your parents, or guardian that named you. Make people put some RESPECT on your name.

There is always someone who needs information that we have, but finding that person may not know that they need what you have to offer. Make sure the person (mentee) wants to be mentored. Let us pass on that which was passed down to us. While becoming a mentor seems great, let us not forget to Check-in with our Spirit. We cannot walk around with an unwell Spirit, a cup that is half full. We need to make sure our Spirit is functioning well, then we can give from a good place because we have that running over (spillage). Also, part of checking in with our Spirit we need to learn to forgive ourselves. Sometimes, forgiving ourselves takes time. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Let the healing begin!

As we continue on our journey of self-care, we will add to the list of things we do to practice our self-care. Some of things that we can do or improve on is Volunteering, Learning, and Reading. These things are ways we can help ourselves and others. Volunteering is a great way to meet others but more importantly, occupy ourselves, helping others and not focusing on our problems. As we volunteer, we will learn new things, which we can possibly use, but learning a “New” Language, is definitely a game changer. As well as Reading something that speaks to your soul. Learning and Reading are somethings we can do for the rest of our lives, the only question is, what language will you learn and what is book speaks to your spirit.

Some cool ways to elevate our self-care are sometimes by writing a letter to our future selves, phoning a friend and by asking for help. Writing a letter can be a way of accomplishing goals that you have set for yourself as well as increasing your spiritual wellness. As we grow, we must not forget to phone a friend. Most people have someone to reach out to; someone who can help get us through some painful moments in our life. Lastly, but more importantly, we have to ask for help. Some of us can be too proud to ask for help, but there is always someone we can run things by, or talk to, for help, at whatever we are doing. My military days taught me that there is never a dumb question, except the one not asked. Basically, anything goes. Be kind to yourself.

Healing wounds are one way to start our self-care, is to heal our wounds, and healing our mother wound, is of the most importance. Healing is for us, and sometimes we must go through the process, to be able to move forward. Along our self-care journey, we need to find something fun to put our energy into. As we heal and find hobbies, we need to make sure we continue to explore black art. Black art tells a story, and some of those stories, we need to hear. So, as we continue on our self-care journey, know that, in order to have the experiences we desire, we have to go through some things that are not always pleasant. Keep moving forward, anyway.

In a world that is not always kind to black women, we are told to find our joy. Learning that we do not have to earn the joy we seek, we must convince ourselves that it is already ours. While we are finding our joy, we need to write down any ambitions. Writing helps us to remember what we wrote. We need to look at our ambitions and as we achieve them, cross them out or burn them. After we’ve found our joy, and wrote our ambitions, we must remember to connect with like-minded black women, online. Black women have a wealth of information and need to be able to share with our tribe. At the end of the day, we need to take good care of ourselves.

Stop dating people who only fetishize you. People who say you look exotic and they have never dated a black woman. Pick and choose your battles. Whatever you do, don’t forget the red flags. They are there to warn you of the signs of someone who doesn’t have your best interest, but their own. And talking about “red flags” working at a job that is unfulfilling and stagnant is as a red flag to move on or get burnout. Make sure you’re getting something out of the work place that is fulfilling to you and for you. And at the end of the day, participate is an activity, one that can be soothing to your soul, like joining a book club. It’s always a good idea to hang out with people who you share something with. Take care of yourselves ladies.

Sometimes we have to start putting things in place, especially when we have been given tools to assist us in feeling better about ourselves. So making a “gratitude “ jar is one way to show gratefulness. As we move along with the teachings of caring for ourselves, we must not forget to Celebrate the black women around us, including family members. Give these women their flowers while they live, it will make your relationships better, because we recognize that we have been supported by our women, in our community. Lastly, but definitely not last, we must Show ourselves Compassion. Be kind to ourselves and don’t interrupt our healing and our self care. At the end of the day, Making, Celebrating and Showing ourselves that we are of value.

Reconnecting to Your Higher Power is of great importance because that’s where you find your vibration and peace. Reconnecting with Your Tribe and moving in a formation, specific to you, and for you can get you Grounded. Being grounded is what stability looks like. It’s that thing that informs you, that you are, where you should be. Take some time to reconnect, at any time, throughout this week, and tell me if being around your tribe, strengthened you.

Traveling is a great way for black women or any woman can find themselves. You get to know yourself and see some things that might be good or not so good. Either way, learn to love on yourself and be okay with being with yourself. Supporting black businesses whether you live in a black neighborhood or not, is essential to generational wealth, and Building a “Healthy Sisterhood”. Being around women who motivate you and understand you is strengthening and builds up confidence. Traveling, Supporting and Building are things black women should continue to do. These are additional things we can do, after tapping into the basic self care. Root for your own damn self.

If we want to change the way we think about wanting more, we need to develop a different mindset. We need to develop a mindset of Abundance. Also, Watching something funny allows us to not take life too seriously and just laugh. Laughing at yourself is a good place to start. And then we want to make sure we create a financial plan for the Abundance mindset we are developing. Ultimately, these things can move you into an abundance, financially. Get Ready to Grow!!!

Relationships that are unhealthy for us, must come to an end. If we are carrying someone else’s burdens and not dealing with our own, we need to breakup with that person, so that we can continue on our self care road. Also, sometimes it’s our environment that is holding us back. When we see this, we need to trust our intuition and make that move. When we move, we should take into consideration, what this place offers us. Beaches can help us to heal. So let’s take care of ourselves by leaving behind, all that is holding us down.

Date yourself, by spending time alone, doing what you like doing. Plan a girls trip and make sure you do at least one group event. But do not forget to buy a plant for your house, room, etc..it will help you to decrease stress and improve your mood

We need to make time for our friendships. This might mean scheduling time to hang out. We all need someone who we can connect with and laugh with . While scheduling time, make sure this person respects your time and that you cannot and will not be her ride or die. Like, what does that entail anyway? And last but definitely not least, find yourself a mentor to help with work and your relationships. You will feel better, when you take care of yourself and make better decisions.

Listening to your intuition is a good thing to do. Don’t let others make decisions for you and if you do, conduct a pros vs cons list to help you with decision making. Relaxing is a must but adding some essential oils could help you to feel better. Visiting your ancestral land might answer questions you need answers to. Also, your ancestral land might be in another state, versus going to another continent, where we know all black people originated from. Listening to yourself, Relaxing, and Visiting the lands of your ancestors, will all be helpful in helping you to make decisions for your life.

Where we come from is just as important to where we are going. We need connect with our ancestors. We need to gather historical information so that we can understand who we are. Also, creating an environment that boost your mood is important, because it sets the tone for your day.

Drinking too much coffee is not good for getting a good nights sleep, so let’s scale back and enjoy a nights of sleep. Also, hug someone, it will do your body and their body good.

We owe it to treat ourselves to some fun and what better way than to get pampered at a nail salon. If we plan a self care day, we prioritize us and our needs. Don’t be afraid of taking time for yourself, I’m sure you deserve it.

Lotion is for everyone, especially for those who think don’t need it. Check your heels. Fasting is a good for helping you to stay focused, make decisions or even lose weight. Try it, you might like it!

Take some time out to get your thoughts together, so you can communicate your needs. Practice going over what your needs are, so you will be able to communicate, effectively. And, while you’re practicing your communication, go get your hair braided, to help make your daily routine, better.

Taking care of yourself can be one of the most important things to do. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Try yoga, take care of your hair and watch out for burnout!

Start a nighttime routine of cleansing your face, washing the days dirt off of you. While you're preparing for a night of sleep, make sure you have a silk pillowcase, because you already know your bonnet is coming off, and why Noyola be prepared.

We need less sugar and more vacation days. Everything in moderation.

If you are not already doing it (making your bed), start today. Creating a routine is good thing. Also, as most women will tell you, retail is a form of therapy, :). Moderation is the key to participating in retail therapy. Don’t spend above your means.

Yes we need more sunscreen and less takeout.

Staying hydrated and the amount of Sun we take in, is essential to living a healthier life. Know the signs of dehydration and Sun exposure. Take care of yourself.

We must advocate for better healthcare. No one knows our bodies better than us. Tell your physician the truth, about the issues your having, so you can get the necessary help. And while you’re getting help, talk to your primary doctor about what supplements would be beneficial for you. Ultimately, it’s your body, and your health.

Two of the most essential things to do, to help with your mood, weight, health, are exercising your body and redo your body. These two things can be game changers as it relates to you being your whole self.

We are all Unique; no one is the same. Free yourself from the stereotypes and love yourself, so you can love others.

Not everyone enjoys taking a bath, nor wearing their natural hair, for their own reason(s). But, they both have some positive benefits. Even if you only take 5-15 minutes, because that’s when the water will begin to get colder, taking a bath will free you of the days stress. And wearing your hair natural is not such a foreign thing, like it used to be. I challenge you to do one of the two things or both, and see if you can feel the difference. Radical self care is a must.

Two strategies that will help you reduce stress. 1) Exerising is essential to combating stress. Long walks will release the endorphins you need to feel better. 2) Cooking allows us to eat what we like, and it helps us to feel like we have accomplished something. Soooo, let’s be good to ouselves.

Let’s make art (any form). Let yourself go and don’t let anyone stop you, you’ll be amazed at what you like and are good at. A time for you to de stressing and stretching; all to relax. Put yourself in a space of wellness.

Loving ourselves the right way. Use what you got!!!!

We need to make sure we have a doctor who is for us and would like us to be physically well, as well as finding our voice through protesting.

A poem about my PEACE.

Being present and in the moment, and watching familiar shows, helps us focus on work tasks and decrease our anxiety.

Two ways to help Black Women practice self care.

We need to learn to affirm ourselves and to stop letting others dump their emotional destress on you.