Rewriting Your Happily Ever After
By Dr. Ranjani Rao
Rewriting Your Happily Ever AfterDec 22, 2023
Episode 17 - Desi Divorce Discussion - Becoming Fearless
At the New Delhi launch of Rewriting My Happily Ever After, I met Mekhla who listened to the honest conversations around my book about life after divorce but did not participate. Imagine my surprise when almost a year and half later, Mekhla emailed me with the offer to share her story on my podcast!
Mekhla's story, like that of the others who have featured on this podcast, is unique. In her case, Mekhla got into a love marriage with her first boyfriend. She expected it would be smooth sailing into an always pleasant happily-ever-after, thanks to images of perfectly happy couples portrayed by Bollywood movies, particularly, the Karan Johar stereotypical variety. Yet, a part other knew that she was wilfully ignoring the red flags.
In our discussion, Mekhla speaks about social conditioning and constant messaging that kept her stuck in her untenable marriage even though things got tough pretty quickly. The general tendency of society is to compare how much worse the situations of other unhappy women were while advising her to try harder to make it work. Although her career was suffering and the situation at home was not easy, she fell into the trap of believing that perhaps having a child will salvage her relationship with her husband.
Ironically, the birth of her daughter gave her the required clarity one day as her tears fell on the newborn's face. At that moment she realised that she deserved better and had to resurrect herself into a better version for the sake of her child. Despite leaving her marital home with an infant in her arms, and rebuilding her career and life as a single parent, it still took her three years to get into the legal aspects of dissolving the marriage. Listen to Mekhla's story that she narrates with so much clarity and conviction.
The one question she asked other women who had walked away from their marriages was - "how do you know when you're ready to call it quits?" It took her time to get to that point of no return and some more time to act on it.
While Mekhla wouldn't wish a divorce on her worst enemies, here is what Mekhla would like to say to others who are procrastinating on the decision of whether to divorce or to stay:
- Build yourself up first - take the necessary steps to become financially independent
- Clear your head - it may take time and multiple stops/starts, but when you are ready, act on it
- Find that one supportive person or a community of people who will lift you up
- Be patient and KIND to yourself - you are going through a lot
- Choose to be the hero of your story
Having a family member go through divorce still carries a stigma because your family is conscious of being judged and criticised for having somehow failed in keeping the couple together, says Mekhla. But her journey made her fearless and self-confident, something which is very attractive. She build a complete life with her daughter and to her own surprise, found the right person to share the rest of her life with. For the last two years, Mekhla has been happily remarried!
If you are looking for a feel-good story about reinventing yourself into a better avatar after a life-changing event like divorce, do listen to this episode and get inspired by someone who has been through it.
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If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
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Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 16 - Desi divorce discussion - Build your support system
There has been a gap in publishing podcast episodes and it's all my fault. I have been busy with other things but when a young woman contacted me after reading my book and offered to share her story, I knew, it was the sign I was waiting for.
This is the thirteenth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, where I speak with Danya who had to face obstacles when she decided to marry her college sweetheart and then again when she realised that the marriage was not working out soon after. If you consider the fact that all this (the wedding and the subsequent divorce) happened with the Covid-19 pandemic in the background, you can understand how difficult and isolating the situation must have been for Danya.
They say love knows no barriers and in the first flush of romance, a lot of differences remain hidden from view. But marriage and its attendant expectations and responsibilities can create a deep rift fairly quickly. In Danya's case, the early days of her marriage involved moving to another town and adjusting to a family very different from the one she had grown up in. Despite seeking support and trying to make it work, when the time for a decision came, Danya waited for permission of some sort to walk away. She tells the story in this episode.
What is striking about Danya's journey is her willingness to talk about seeking therapy. Not just to make her marriage work but as a way to understand herself. It wasn't until she started working on herself that she realised many of her beliefs and motivations. She could also see how societal pressure, first insisting that girls get married followed by the pressure to stay married despite the untenable situation affects the ability to make decisions.
How has divorce changed her? "I am more mindful now, of the questions I ask people," she says. It is common for friends, relatives and acquaintances to ask about your spouse in casual conversations. Even an innocuous question like this becomes a loaded one for someone going through separation and divorce. There is a difference in being genuinely concerned for a person and making small talk just because it's expected. It's a fine line that all of us need to be cognisant of when we begin conversations.
Sharing her mental health journey with others has made Danya feel liberated and her frank sharing has given permission for others to seek help. Just like the episodes of this podcast that enable others to step forward and speak up.
We spoke about building support systems, a key component of moving on and becoming stronger after a divorce. Therapy is not something you do when you're at rock bottom. Just as going to gym for physical health is done on an ongoing basis, taking care of mental health is also an ongoing endeavour, Danya emphasises.
If you have not been married for long and are wondering what awaits you if you leave your unhappy marriage, do listen to this episode and get the perspective from someone who has been through it.
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If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
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Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 15- Desi divorce discussion - I'm not a quitter
In the twelfth interview of the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I finally get to talk to Anu, a reader from California who sent me a heartfelt "Your book was a sign" message on Facebook right after reading my book. We stayed in touch as she went through a particularly difficult divorce journey and fortunately, we were able to meet in person in Singapore.
Today's episode is really special because I have had many deep conversations with Anu and we were waiting for her divorce to be legally finalised before recording the podcast. Like my previous guest, Laila, Anu did not grow up in India, in fact, her life trajectory took her from Australia to the US without passing through India. Yet, as you listen to her story, you will know how Indian culture and upbringing impacts life's most important decision, marriage and of course, the fall out when it leads to divorce.
Anu's credentials include an MBA from Harvard and an extremely successful career, but her belief that if you study hard and work hard, you will succeed was severely tested when it came to her unhappy marriage. The same rules of putting more effort to get ahead at work didn't seem to apply when it came to mending a dysfunctional relationship. In many ways, it wasn't fear of family or society that keep her stuck in a bad marriage, it was her own belief that she was not a quitter. It took many years and unpleasant events for Anu to learn that it was OK to quit.
"In Indian marriages, longevity is celebrate, not quality. There is a huge push to adjust/compromise. Plus the burden of a successful marriage is always on the woman" says Anu. Her observations are spot on because these are things we have seen in our parents' marriage or in the comments made by people inner communities. Instead of congratulating a woman for all aspects of her personality and all areas of success, women get praised for their cooking abilities or their immaculate homes, further linking personal happiness to family life.
Despite being a single mother, with her parents stuck in faraway Australia during the pandemic, Anu managed her separation and divorce procedures with the help of a supportive group of friends and taking her strength and her cues from her young daughter.
Here are some of the excellent points that Anu made that are relevant for anyone who is considering divorce:
- Staying in a bad marriage is not a badge of honour. It's OK to quit
- The hardest day is when you finally decide to get a divorce. There will be times when you will feel sadness, anger, hopeless, grief and hopeful - it's all part of your divorce journey
- It's OK to ask for help. Like being a new parent, you will not know everything at the beginning but you will figure it out and people will support you, you will know who your friends are
- There is no judgment for getting a divorce or for choosing to stay in your marriage.
- Take charge of your life and live it fully. Be the author and the hero of your life
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 14 - Desi divorce discussion - Be Better Than Your Thoughts
One of my earliest guests on the podcast appreciated the work Laila was doing in supporting single parents through her initiative, The Village for Single Parents. Keen to know more, I started following their Instagram handle and recognised how Laila's efforts to provide support for single parents was making a big difference to lives of so many single-parent families. I was keen to have her on my podcast and was thrilled when we were able to find a mutually convenient time to connect.
Although Laila came from a very supportive family that encouraged her and her siblings to always be financially independent, when she moved to India with her young child, she had to recreate a new life for both of them, particularly when her marriage ended. Figuring out a new life phase in a familiar city is one thing but to do it an unknown city/country was something that Laila says completely broke her. Yet, it was also an opportunity that allowed her to literally rebuild herself the hard way.
The loneliness of her journey and the encouragement of a friend who seeded the thought that she could create the community she was seeking, helped her launch the Village for Single Parents. The Village provides a safe space for friendship, community and networking in a judgement-free zone. Laila intentionally restricts her support group to desi/brown people because she has seen firsthand how the experiences of divorced women in this demographic are different from their counterparts from other countries.
In India, the systemic struggles are massive and the stigma plays out in overt and covert ways, preventing people from moving on. Even for desi women living abroad, the problem of social acceptance within the desi community makes life very difficult and isolating. By providing a community where people get your struggle and sit with you as you handle your situation and manage your pain, Laila has made it possible for many to find the strength to get on with their new life with greater confidence.
Here are some of Laila's suggestions for women with children considering the life of a single parent:
Accept that your life will be different - from your previous life with a partner and from those of others.
Don't take your responsibility as a custodial parent lightly. It's difficult and you have to become the sole role model for your child
Upgrade and emancipate yourself. It's OK to have murderous thoughts but always, always try to be better than your thoughts
Laila is super busy, extremely focused and committed to what she has started. You can find The Village for Single parents on Instagram. A website is coming soon - stay tuned.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 13 - Desi divorce discussion - You can't pour from an empty cup
The tenth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series is an unusual one with a remarkable story that will have you wondering about the nature of human relationships. Meet Rashmi, a single parent and entrepreneur from Nagpur who runs a wonderful library.
I saw Rashmi’s review for my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, in which she mentioned how my book reminded her of her own divorce journey. When I messaged her through Goodreads, she responded warmly and agreed to share her story on the podcast.
Like me, Rashmi grew up in Mumbai and loved reading. Moving to Nagpur after her love marriage, she settled into her new life which included her in-laws. But after her daughter’s birth when her marital life crumbled, Rashmi took a long time to come around to the idea of granting a divorce which was initiated by her husband.
Throughout the years of doubt and confusion followed by painful divorce proceedings, she continued to live with her in-laws who were her major source of support. Today, five years after the formal divorce was completed, she continues to live in Nagpur, with her ‘former’ in-laws.
Most of us who go through divorce know that losing key friendships and relationships is collateral damage. But as Rashmi’s story shows, your bond with people may transcend the simple relationship labels that society may place on them. “I got to keep both families,” says Rashmi.
Rashmi started a children’s library in Nagpur back in 2014 when the library scene was pretty barren, even for books for adults. And by pursuing her professional life by indulging her passion for books, she was able to create an independent identity for herself, a big step in opening herself up to becoming divorced, something that she had not ever considered.
Here are some pointers from Rashmi for women who may be hesitating about divorce like she did:
- Put yourself first - you cannot pour from an empty cup
- Once you decide to take the final step, keep moving, the path will open up
- Make sure what you want (your thoughts and desires) match your actions
From Rashmi’s unique story of continuing to have a wonderful, supportive relationship with her ‘former’ in -laws, we can be reassured that our bonds with people that are based in love and mutual respect, can stand any test.
Check out Rashmi’s labor of love - Reading Rabbits Library in Nagpur with its vast collection of children’s books at www.readingrabbitslibrary.com.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 12 - Desi divorce discussion - It's about agency
The ninth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series features a highly accomplished person with a heart of gold. Meet Kiran, a trained sociologist who wears many hats, has worked in the corporate sector and as a freelancer, has been an activist and leads a community writing group. She also runs a cozy homestay in a small village in the Himalayas.
I found Kiran’s writing group on Facebook and when I shared information about my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, she read and also wrote a generous review on Amazon. More importantly, she made the time to come to the book reading session at Kunzum bookstore in New Delhi in June 2022. From that initial connection online to the first in person meeting and now through this podcast conversation, I am so grateful to get to know Kiran’s many facets and talents.
We spoke about culture and conditioning and how it affects our decision making. In spite of having the benefit of education and exposure to a satisfying work life, the decision to file for divorce can take years before one takes that irreversible step.
Disclosing one’s marital status as divorced can be traumatic due to unexpected and unpleasant response from society and to this day continues to influence many young women who choose to remain in unhappy relationships or prefer to hide their single (or single parent) status.
Whether it comes to choosing a spouse or to leave a marriage, women need to know that they have agency. For Kiran, learning to put herself first has been a huge lesson for her and it has taken a lot of work to make it a practice as well as train her grown children to accept this new empowered version of herself.
In her life after divorce journey, women friends have been the bedrock of her new life. Help and support has come to her from all directions and in the most unexpected ways.
Here are some wise words from Kiran to women who are hesitating on the brink of a divorce include:
- Get in touch with your own true self - figure out what is you want and what you need to change so that you can rediscover yourself
- Know that there are no guarantees that life will take shape and include every single thing you want, be flexible
- Therapy helps for your self-development
- Build yourself up but also build a community
If you are looking for simple actionable ways to rebuild your life after divorce, listen to this thoughtful conversation and know that you are supported.
If you are looking for a restful homestay for repose, solitude and renewal where you can connect with nature and experience a change of pace, do check out Birdsong and Beyond. Kiran can be reached via email at Kiran.chaturvedi@gmail.com and on Facebook and Instagram at the handle Himalayan Birdsong.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Episode 11 - Desi divorce discussion - Convert pain to purpose
The eighth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series is completely honest, no-holds barred discussions with an amazing woman who has completely turned her life around after her divorce.
Meet multi-faceted Reema Ahmad, author, speaker, life coach, relationship and trauma counsellor. Reema and I met on Facebook and she contacted me when she read my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and was kind enough to leave a generous review on Amazon. Knowing that she was getting ready to launch her book shortly, I was keen on having her on the podcast. She happily agreed to do so despite her extremely busy life as an author of an unusual book, "Unparenting - Sharing awkward truths with curious kids". Reema's life journey has been rough.
Marrying for love at the young age of 21 only to realise son after that this was not going to work out, she spent many years sitting on the fence, hesitant to walk out. And when she finally did, the divorce process was long and hard and nerve-wracking. Finding strength to endure unending legal proceedings while trying to do the right thing, be fair even when falling apart and choosing the high road when all you want to do is rage at the unfairness of the situation is not easy. Yet, that is what Reema did, as you fill find out in this conversation.
Have you ever wondered how childhood trauma affects your choices as an adult? In this brutally honest interview, listen to Reema's story of falling apart and then finding her way back one step at a time to step into her power. She acquired two additional degrees, learnt about sexual abuse and how to help others as she raised her son as a single parent and became brave enough to write a book that touches on topics that no one wants to speak about.
Instead fo perpetuating taboos and gender stereotypes, Reema's book shows how parents can become the trusted adult that a child feels comfortable talking to about everything and thus allows a truly precious parent-child bond to develop, one that enables the blossoming of a growing child into kind, considerate, reliable citizen of the world.
Reema shares so much detail about her struggles but the main takeaways that stayed with me long after the conversations include:
- We need to rediscover our inner compass and pay attention to it instead of over-riding it
- Women are conditioned to choose pain, instead of choosing for joy
- It is essential to ensure we keep our children safe from the negativity that can overpower us during a difficult divorce journey
- We learn through relationships - they can hurt us, but they can also heal us
If you have wondered about how to rebuild your personal and professional life after divorce and raise your child in an unconventional but completely loving way, listen to Reema's wise words and compassionate approach to life. You will feel thoroughly energised.
Reema can be contacted at reema.ahmad@gmail.com for coaching sessions.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after. Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 10 - Desi divorce discussion - Hold yourself steady
The seventh interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series features a friend, Dr. Priya who was also my colleague in Hyderabad. During the years we spent at our workplace, I was going through my separation phase, followed by divorce while Priya was married. Later when she went through a divorce, she reached out and I shared some of my experiences. She has read my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and left a generous review on Amazon. Today, she speaks about her journey.
Through this podcast, my goal has been to showcase the various situations in which women find themselves when it comes to choosing to get a divorce despite their personal situations and limitations.
Have you ever wondered why professionally qualified, financially independent women who have been brave about their other choices hesitate to walk away from their marriage and how they finally come decide that they need to move on to a better life?
In this episode, Dr. Priya shares her story and sheds light on what makes a highly qualified and ambitious medical doctor stay in her unhappy marriage for eleven years. In Priya's case, there we no children involved, yet the decision to go for a divorce was not an easy one. Listen to this interview to find out more.
As an only child of her doting parents, Priya continued to hold out the hope that her marital life would improve long after it was clear that she was the only one dedicated to the marriage despite a very rocky relationship with her in-laws. She was distraught the day she filed for divorce. Watching how this step to end her marriage changed people's perception of her and her social standing was painful.
Yet Priya found satisfaction in her work and solace in the other activities she undertook as she tried to pull herself together even as her marriage collapsed. She moved cities and changed jobs and continued to work towards financial independence and provide support to her ageing parents.
Priya’s advice to women who are going through a divorce is to face the hardships that come but to remain steadfast and hold yourself steady. "You may lose your sleep, you may lose your health, but don't lose your balance." she says. She insists that asking for help is essential to rebuild your life and knowing who to ask for the kind of help is a necessary step in healing and moving on.
Listen to how Priya figured out her life once she decided to go for a divorce. You will find it inspiring.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 9 - Desi Divorce Discussion - Too much to handle
In this brutally honest and deeply moving sixth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I’m speaking with Usha, who I know through a friend. She read my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and then connected with me via email. When I requested her to be guest on my podcast, she readily agreed.
Usha lives in the UK and has had a life that has been full of ups and downs. Yet, despite the difficulties she faced as a young woman and mother trying her best to make a life for herself and secure custody of her child, she was willing to talk about it on the podcast.
The point of the desi divorce discussions on this podcast, is to shed light on the various types of divorce stories that are out there. Much has changed since the nineties when Usha struggled to provide evidence that she could be a single mother AND provide for child. But the sad reality is that women are still hesitant to step out of unhappy marriages and continue to be judged, manipulated and coerced into toeing the line.
From a young age Usha was branded as 'too much" for having an unbridled zest for life and love for learning and pushing boundaries. Usha's story is one of passion, enthusiasm for life and an eagerness to learn and improve and add value to herself. Her journey took her from Chennai to the middle-east and then to the UK where she now lives. She remarried after her divorce and is now widowed.
While Usha's life has been marked by years of struggle it has also been redeemed by moments of transcendence. It is a story that everyone needs to listen if you want to know what the long road of life after divorce holds.
Usha's three-pronged advice to women who hesitate to leave an unhappy marriage is exactly what women need today:
- Know who you are
- Know what you want from life
- Decide what it is you are willing to give up
Listen to Usha's story of her long fight to have access to her child and how she kept moving following her soul's guidance.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 8 - Desi divorce discussion - Listening to your heart
In this deeply honest fifth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I’m speaking with Manjula, who read my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and then connected with me via Twitter.
Manjula is an engineer by training but the one thing that we have in common is a love for reading and writing. In fact, Manjula wrote and published a novel during the pandemic. Manjula lives in Tiruvananthapuram, in Kerala, India and has two teenage children.
Quite often people wonder if women with more than one child and without a job would be bold enough to walk out of an unhappy marriage. After her divorce nice years ago, Manjula gave up her job in order so spend more time with her children. She moved to a town with a reasonable cost of living and figured out her savings and investment in order to do so.
Support and solace has come from multiple sources - friends, neighbours, books, music and writing. In spite of her challenges - due to her health condition and Covid-19, she now lives with her parents but has used the time during the pandemic to to write a novel.
Manjula's advice to women who hesitate to leave an unhappy marriage is to listen to their heart. "We tend to exaggerate the happiness of others while minimising our own misery. While life after divorce is not easy, it is certainly a better place to be," says Manjula.
Listen to Manjula’s uplifting story of following her heart and crafting a better story for herself and her children. It was only after her divorce that she took steps to fulfil her 'harmless' wishes like traveling within and outside India.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 7: Desi divorce discussion - Let's ask the therapist
Today I am in conversation with a very special guest, Prachi Vaish. While my previous guests shared their divorce journeys with us, Prachi, a couples therapy expert, has been through the ups and downs of relationships with each of her clients.
Prachi S Vaish is the founder of The Emotional Wellness Initiatives, an an online psychological wellbeing services platform. Prachi has been offering online therapy in India since 2009. By qualification, Prachi is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, psychotherapist and a Certified Trauma Recovery expert. She has been practicing as a mental health professional for over 16 years and her areas of expertise are couples and intimacy, relationships, and recovery from trauma of abuse.
In this frank conversation about marital relationships and their current state in India (and among Indians the world over), Prachi had several interesting things to share about:
- When do couples approach therapists for help
- How stereotypical expectations of each member of the family affect married couples
- What tools Prachi uses when she works with couples
- What motivated Prachi to jump into this profession
- How trauma of toxic and abusive marriages leave scars that need professional assistance to truly move forward
Whether you are single, happily married, considering or going through divorce or helping someone through a relationship breakdown, please listen to this episode to get insights that may help you or the ones you love.
Well-wishers with good intentions are not trained to provide the kind of professional support needed by couples who are struggling to build a loving, lasting, enabling relationship in the midst of other daily challenges of life.
You can contact Prachi through The Emotional Wellness Initiatives.
Thank you for listening. Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 6 - Desi Divorce Discussion #4 - Taking the driver's seat
"Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you" ~ Dale Carnegie
In this fabulous fourth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I'm speaking with Neha, who read my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and then connected with me.
Neha and I have a few things in common. She is a single mom who lives in Hyderabad, India and whose daughter is her main pillar of support. Sounds familiar? Those who have read my book will know the overlapping themes of our life right away.
Like many of her generation, Neha was brought up to believe that marriage is integral to your life and that one always needs to make it work. Her wedding was arranged through known family members and not surprisingly, it took a lot of soul searching before Neha could take the decision to leave after almost twenty years. Overcoming self-doubt and her self-confessed devotion to perfection has taken time and a lot of effort but you can hear the strength of conviction in Neha's voice as she candidly talks about her journey.
Listen to Neha's inspiring story of figuratively taking the driver's seat at a vulnerable moment knowing that she needs to take charge of her life and make things happen. Finding out what you are capable of and what you need to let go are both empowering actions that Neha has taken. Today Neha has the support, respect and admiration of her family and friends as she boldly navigates her life and also gives back to society through a school that she runs.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 5 - Desi divorce discussion #3 - From family girl to steering the course of her own life
“True life is lived when tiny changes occur” ~ Leo Tolstoy
I am excited to share the third interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series. This time I'm speaking with Sneha, a new friend I made through my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery.
Sneha, who comes from Tiruppur in Tamil Nadu, posted a story on Instagram after reading my book. This set the stage for connection and our friendship. I followed her posts and stories, specially when she shared details about her life as a single mom and her new-found interest in music which she has been nurturing since her divorce.
If you have read my book, you know that music gave me solace at moments in my life when I felt there was nothing to look forward to.
Sneha's biggest barrier to walking out of her unhappy marriage was the pressure from family and society. But now, her parents have become her greatest supporters. After raising Sneha to be a "family girl", they were not prepared to see her step into a lonely life, they had not seen other divorced women before. Yet, now, Sneha accompanies her father on his business trips at construction sites where she is the only woman!
Listen to Sneha's inspiring journey from being an obedient daughter to taking up the responsibility of being the captain of her own ship. Divorce brought out the best of her qualities and allowed her to soar, says Sneha. She added to her credentials, she became an entrepreneur and when the pandemic hit, she once again moved into a different role.
When people find out she is a single mom, they say 'sorry' which she finds strange. If you see Sneha, who is all smiles, you know that she doesn't need condolences for a broken marriage but congratulations for having come out of it stronger and better.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 4 - Desi divorce discussion #2 - I needed to get my wings first!
I am excited to share the second interview with Shan, a new friend I made through my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery.
Shan contacted me on Instagram back in January 2022 after reading my book. It was recommended to her in her single parents support group. She felt that the book resonated with me on many levels and wanted to let me know how it had impacted her. Shan and I may have crossed paths unknowingly because she had lived in Singapore during her difficult marriage and had returned to India to sort things out.
How I wish we had met in person in Singapore! Yet, the universe has its mysterious ways and now we are in touch through social media and phone calls.
Shan's wake up call to leave her marriage came when her body gave her unmistakeable hints and a final ultimatum to tackle what was clearly not working. Listen to her amazing story of how she got back on her feet, literally and figuratively, restored her health and re-established her career and made a fresh start in a new place.
With her mother's support who helped take care of her son as she encouraged her to "find her wings", Shan took a flying leap and now lives in Hong Kong with her son.
Shan talks about the myth of 'self-made", the value of friendship, the hard work involved in creating a better life for yourself and your child. We also discuss how books about divorce do not highlight the cultural nuances of our Indian backgrounds and how that affects our decision-making as well as our approach to life, something she felt made my book more relatable to her.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have come out from an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
Please rate and review the show!
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.
Let’s keep the conversation going!
Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter
To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email hi@ranjanirao.com or drop a comment below.
Episode 3 - Desi Divorce Discussion - I amaze myself!
My primary goal for this podcast was to create a space for discussions about 'desi divorce', a subject that is not spoken about. And today I am excited to share the first of these conversation right here on my podcast.
My first guest is Vani, a new friend I made through my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After - a memoir of divorce and discovery.
In December 2021 I spent a few weeks in the US. On a weeklong trip to San Diego, I was at the beach at La Jolla on a sunny Saturday afternoon. The water and the sky was beautiful and blue, the air was clear and salty. Tourists lingered at various points taking pictures of a wedding on the beach, children licking ice cream cones or spotting large groups of seals sunning on the sands.
I took a picture of a lonesome seal, away from his friends, lying happily by himself and posted it on Instagram. Little did I know that the lazy seal would connect Vani and me. She was reading my book in San Diego and happened to not just find me on Insta but pointed out that the lone seal was something we had both spotted that same day.
We connected and spoke several times and when I asked her to be my first podcast guest, she wholeheartedly supported me by getting on a call despite our 15 hour time zone difference.
Vani shares the ups and downs of her divorce journey including the influence of family and cultural expectations. As she broke one self-limiting belief after another on her way to an independent life, she found that she "amazed herself".
Leaving behind a long marriage, bringing up a teenage son while dealing with the turmoil of a pandemic is not easy, yet Vani found helpful people, made genuine friends and discovered peace in books and routines and practices that helped make her the strong, positive and vibrant person that she is today.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, have come out from an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.
If you are curious about my story and would like to stay in touch with me (and receive a free chapter from my book), please sign up for my biweekly newsletter, Rewriting Your Happily Ever After - https://www.ranjanirao.com/newsletter-signup/.
As always, please do share this podcast with whoever is ready for a fresh start and do get in touch with me over at my website - www.ranjanirao.com/podcast where you can find show notes and resources mentioned in this episode.
Episode 2 - What is the goal for my book?
"It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise" ~ Nancy Thayer
In episode 2 of Rewriting YOUR Happily Ever after, I talk about the kind of questions I was asked when I shared the beta version of my book with readers and writers.
"Such a book about life after divorce is not relevant to Indian society because divorce is common and women are able to move ahead confidently"
"What is the goal for your book?"
My experience since the publication of my book has convinced me that not only is my book relevant for the times we live in but also that my book is certainly meeting it's goal of opening up conversations about divorce.
This episode includes an excerpt from my book. Do listen and see if it resonates with you.
And if you would like to download a free chapter, please sign up for my biweekly newsletter, Rewriting Your Happily Ever After - https://www.ranjanirao.com/newsletter-signup/
As always, please do share this podcast with whoever is ready for a fresh start and do get in touch with me over at my website - www.ranjanirao.com/podcast where you can find show notes and resources mentioned in this episode.
Episode 1 - Start With WHY
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
After my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After - a memoir of divorce and discovery was published, people asked me a lot of "why" questions.
In this first episode of Rewriting YOUR Happily Ever after podcast, I describe my 3 WHYs for writing the book and for starting this podcast.
By answering the fundamental "Why" questions, we can clarify our reasons for doing something. It helps us do the hard work of applying ourselves to the task, of persevering, and powering through the tough times to reach our goal.
Now that I am embarking on these conversations about divorce, it seemed like the right way to begin was by sharing my reasons as well as my hopes for this podcast.
I often turn to books for guidance and advice. In this episode I mention one of the most inspirational memoirs I have read - Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. If you're interested in this book and it's impact on me, check out this blogpost on my website.
You can count on hearing more about books that have informed, guided and shaped.
You can also find a small "starting over suggestion" at the end of every episode - something to think about or act upon as you embark on a journey of self-discovery and craft a path to rewriting your happily ever after.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and please remember to subscribe!
Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to Rewrite YOUR Happily Ever After.
More about my book at www.ranjanirao.com.
To submit a question, email hi@ranjanirao.com or visit https://www.ranjanirao.com/contact/ and fill out the contact form.
Connect with me on Instagram: @ranjaniwriter
Twitter: @ranjaniwriter