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Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel

By Andy Grant

Real Men Feel was founded to encourage men to allow for and express all of their emotions. We remind men that they are human beings. Producer and host, Andy Grant is an author, speaker, transformation coach, healer, and suicide attempt survivor. See show notes at realmenfeel.org. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com.
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The Proper Mindset to Succeed

Real Men FeelApr 24, 2020

00:00
59:24
Did Your Partner Betray You? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 2

Did Your Partner Betray You? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 2

Men and women deal with emotions differently, but we all have them. And any man who believes that stuffing and denying their feelings are the path to a happy and successful life - all I can say is that is NOT my experience, nor is it the experience of anyone I've ever met. One of the most painful things a man can experience is the betrayal by his spouse.

Today is part 2 of Recovering From Betrayal, focusing on a man betrayed by his wife.

My returning guest, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms.

Vanessa shares how she went from supporting women to serving more and more men. We explore the pain, secrecy, and shame men experience after discovering their spouse's cheating. Vanessa also explores why men and women have affairs and the most common question men have when they find out they've been betrayed.

While women often want to tell the world when they've been cheated on, that is not the typical response for men. What is so crucial for a man who has been betrayed is to forgive himself.

The core message is to be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after.

Topics and Questions

  • 2:12: How different is the experience of recovering from betrayal when you are the betrayed party?
  • 7:33 - Vanessa's first male client
  • 12:23 - The six most common reasons women cheat
  • 16:26 - What does a man feel from betrayal?
  • 19:34 - Differences between how a man feels and how he thinks society says he should feel.
  • 24:19 - Is this journey of self-forgiveness different if the wife wants the relationship to continue or not?
  • 27:47 - Are there any best practices for a man when he discovers his partner is cheating?
  • 34:44 - What is the best way for people to find out about everything you are up to?
  • 37:02 - The response to Vanessa's first appearance


Links

Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com

Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men

Recommended resources

Man's Search for Meaning -- https://amzn.to/43BFxG0

RMF 149 - Men in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

http://realmenfeel.org/2019/09/24/ep-149-men-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships/

RMF 226 - The Abuse of Men by Women

http://realmenfeel.org/2021/02/16/the-abuse-of-men-by-women/

https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Jun 02, 202342:43
Can You Enjoy Time Alone? | Growth & Resistance

Can You Enjoy Time Alone? | Growth & Resistance

If you notice today's episode looking and sounding different, I'm on the road and don't have my usual setup.

Are you comfortable being alone? Can you enjoy your own company?

Often men will feel uncomfortable emotions if they are alone and in silence. I am an only child, so I'm used to being alone, but I'd always have music or a TV playing in the background. I wasn't a fan of absolute silence because I wasn't a fan of some of my thoughts.

Over the years and with lots of work and growth, I'm incredibly comfortable on my own and with the silence of only my mind. Growing up, I thought doing something in public alone meant you were a friendless loser. I'd miss movies and concerts that I wanted to see but couldn't find someone who wanted to go.

In recent years I've started going to movies alone and love it - no debate, no hesitation, no trying to convince someone. I've even gone to some concerts alone, too, and enjoyed myself and didn't feel judged. Earlier this year, I saw Anthrax in Boston on a Sunday night, and I knew even my friends who like Anthrax wouldn't go out on a Sunday night.

I'm in Toronto, Canada, for two weeks of training with the Modern Mystery School. I'm being recertified as a Guide, Healer, and Life Activation practitioner, then taking seven days of new classes. I drove up here alone, a 12-hour ride since I drive a Tesla and need to stop to charge every 90 minutes or so on the highway. But I had a blast. I could sing at the top of longs to a full day's worth of songs that I love. I explored new towns and stores at each new stop, and the weather was fantastic.

I drove here on Sunday, and today, Wednesday is the only day I don't have any classes. I planned to visit the Wonderland amusement park, which is just 10 miles away and has some great rides, including a world record-holding dive coaster -- that's when you pause at the top - - which, if you know me -- I love roller coasters. I had planned to do a show about enjoying yourself - and I don't mean masturbation - with lots of photos from today with me by myself on all sorts of cool rides.

But, another thing common on the path of spiritual growth and healing is resistance. Technically known as your shit, meaning your shit will come up when you go beyond your comfort zone and grow.


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

May 12, 202307:53
Did You Betray Your Partner? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 1

Did You Betray Your Partner? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 1

Since men are human, they can make mistakes. One aspect of life we make mistakes in is our relationships. Since so many studies show that a strong prediction of happiness and longevity is the quality of our relationships, betraying our partner is a significant issue.

Google says that nearly half of individuals in monogamous relationships admit to having an affair. Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating.

My guest today, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms.

Vanessa delivers a master class on men who've betrayed their spouses but want to stay together. She shares the three aspects of cheating, why women can't just "get over it," and seven reasons why men cheat. You'll also learn what got Vanessa working with betrayal.

Be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:34 - In your work, what constitutes betrayal?
  • 2:14 - The three aspects of cheating.
  • 5:47 - Are men and women equally likely to cheat?
  • 7:10 - Did you initially work exclusively with women?
  • 9:09 - Does it matter why a man cheats?
  • 9:37 - Vanessa's experience with being betrayed.
  • 13:37 - Seven most popular reasons why men cheat.
  • 19:56 - Does having any of these reasons mean you are destined for betrayal?
  • 20:26 - Does blame and responsibility fall on both partners?
  • 20:52 - The very first thing to do once you've come clean.
  • 24:39 - Is there anything men should NOT do?
  • 25:55 - Can a relationship be better post-betrayal?
  • 28:11 - What men can do to rebuild the relationship.
  • 31:33 - How a relationship can be better post-healing.
  • 34:18 - Men are taught not to feel.
  • 35:57 - What do you tell a man who can't understand why his wife can't just 'let it go?"
  • 37:34 - Returning for part two, When You've Been Betrayed.
  • 39:40 - Recommended resources and how to get in touch with Vanessa


"If you don't make time for your relationship. You will be forced to make time for your loneliness" - Vanessa Cardenas


Links

Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com

Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men

Recommended books

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating -- https://amzn.to/3LAs6yP

The Gift of Fear -- https://amzn.to/4191V86

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partners' Betrayal: What to Do When Your World Falls Apart -- https://amzn.to/42lwlEU

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner's Betrayal: How to Talk to Your Kids, Parents, In-Laws, Friends, and Others -- https://amzn.to/3HGcOaD


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

May 05, 202344:52
Cultural Appropriation in the Mankind Project | Real or Imagined?

Cultural Appropriation in the Mankind Project | Real or Imagined?

Last Sunday, a man reached out to the Real Men Feel page on Facebook and said - I would like to appear on your show and debate "cultural appropriation in MKP." That man, B Crittenden Freeman, is my guest today.

Crittenden has been a member of the ManKind Project for 30 years holding multiple positions, Center Director, Elder, Leader In Training, and Recording Secretary for the MKP USA Board. He was responsible for the occurrence of the 1st NWTA Urban Adventure. 

Initially, I thought this subject had been played out. I've done two shows about it, but they were me alone, and I did ask for people to step forward and discuss this with me. So, here we are. I don't think we are on opposite sides of any issue for a brawling debate, but let's find out.

To follow our conversation, you'll need to know a few acronyms; MKP is the ManKind Project, NWTA is their New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, and LKS is the Lodge Keepers Society, the group within MKP responsible for building and running sweat lodges.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:22 - Could you lay the groundwork; what is the controversy around cultural appropriation and MKP?
  • 4:55 - Andy's experience of the NWTA in 2016
  • 5:38 - Have indigenous people claimed MKP has been ripping them off from the beginning or only recently?
  • 6:25 - What happened last year to make this a big issue and result in changes?
  • 7:55 - Andy was ready to staff an NWTA last fall, but MKP halted everything.
  • 9:51 - The millions being made.
  • 13:14 - How MKP learned to put on sweat lodges.
  • 16:56 - The shadow elements of the situation.
  • 21:20 - Cultural appropriation in the melting pot of the United States.
  • 23:57 - Are you good with the outcome but oppose the communication around it?
  • 26:01 - With the changes made, are you in or out with MKP?
  • 30:24 - What's your ideal scenario for resolution?
  • 31:45 - Andy's experience with the updated MKP weekend.
  • 33:45 - What drove your 30 years of participation with MKP?
  • 36:42 - Tell me about the first Urban NWTA.
  • 41:43 - Anything else you want to share?
  • 42:57 - How can people connect with you?
  • 43:37 - Is there a way to get off the limited activities list?

"How does a dominant culture say to a non-dominant culture, you are coming from a wounded place?" - B Crittenden Freeman

Links

Critt on Facebook -- https://www.facebook.com/b.crittenden.freeman

MKP USA -- https://mkpusa.org/

Spirit -- https://www.spiritprotection.org/


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


#RealMenFeel ep 300

Apr 28, 202346:51
Tapping Into The Strength of Men | The Power of Choice

Tapping Into The Strength of Men | The Power of Choice

I love to give any man who is being of service a platform to share his message. I met today's guest, Dustin Bakker, in an online program and was immediately impressed by his willingness to be authentic and vulnerable and his desire to help other men.

After losing his sense of happiness, Dustin began changing his life and slowly became aware of what his mind, body, and soul were trying to tell him. Dustin did the research, study, and inner work required to discover his happiness. He's gone on to create F.O.ReaLiving and The Strength of Men.

We discuss the power of choice, expressing emotions, and the goal of a stronger connection to our authentic selves. Dustin shares how drugs were one of his masks, keeping him from his strengths and true self.

Dustin is a strong example of self-sufficiency while also yearning for connection. It does not have to be one or the other. Community is another strength that society seems to have let go of. 

We all benefit from helping others.


Topics and Questions

  • 1:04 - Tell me about what growing up was like for you.
  • 1:53 - Was your general outlook positive, negative, or neutral?
  • 2:44 - Did you follow your mom's path of being a partier?
  • 4:25 - Was being alone so much growing up a happy time for you?
  • 5:21 - When did you realize your life wasn't working to the extent you wanted it to?
  • 8:03 - Can you expand on the "movie scene" you came home to?
  • 9:12 - Have you always had that intuitive sense?
  • 10:19 - Is a group of scaffolders in British Colombia usually talking about happiness and fulfillment?
  • 11:19 - What do you do in your men's gathering?
  • 12:02 - What are some of the tools you've learned?
  • 14:09 - What do you see as the strength of men?
  • 15:54 - What made you appreciate your emotions?
  • 19:37 - Could you feel connected to your authentic self when drunk or high?
  • 20:56 -How did you learn what it means to be a man?
  • 22:48 - What is FOReal Living?
  • 24:59 - Can you share a practice, program, or book that has helped you?
  • 25:48 - What is one thing you wish more men knew?
  • 27:24 - What are you most proud of?
  • 29:15 - What would you like to see The Strength of Men become?
  • 34:51 - How can people learn more about what you are up to?


"Choice is the superpower that we all have." - Dustin Bakker


Links

Instagram -- instagram.com/thestrenghtofmen/

Facebook -- facebook.com/thestrengthofmen

Dustin Bakker -- TheStrengthOfMen.com

F.O.Realiving -- forealiving.com

Healing & Mystical States Are Just A Breath Away on Amazon, https://amzn.to/41OdGS5


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Apr 21, 202336:38
Connecting Through Trauma | Life-Changing Stories

Connecting Through Trauma | Life-Changing Stories

When life gets hard, a lot of men withdraw. They talk less. In the face of a health challenge for yourself or a loved one, you might be much more willing to discuss logistics and tasks than the emotional impact.

My guest today is not most men. He believes in having hard conversations with people going through trauma. 

David Richman is an author, public speaker, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. With his most recent book, Cycle of Lives, David shares stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

He interviewed fifteen people who were profoundly affected by cancer - either as a caregiver, patient, or loved one - and explored the dynamic of why it's so hard to discuss the emotional aspects of the journey. These evocative stories give the reader a few tools to take away and use in their own lives when encountering the difficulties of talking to others about the emotional aspects of trauma.

We discuss getting past assumptions, beginning the hard conversations, and being open to the negative and positive aspects of traumatic experiences. To connect with the people we care about, we must be willing to be uncomfortable. There is more behind anyone's story than we know.

Don't worry about what's "proper." Let someone know you care authentically.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer?
  • 1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer?
  • 4:44 - Did each participant have a positive side to their experience?
  • 7:12 - How did you decide on these 15 stories? 
  • 9:46 - Did you come across any common themes amongst the participants?
  • 13:52 - Did you see that prior trauma led to more or less resilience regarding cancer?
  • 18:27 - Fear of abandonment during trauma.
  • 19:49 - The lie of not wanting to upset someone further.
  • 21:09 - Is it scarier that people might not care or that they would care?
  • 22:48 - Did everyone want the same sort of support?
  • 25:44 - How did you get people to open up to you on such a personal and profound level?
  • 27:21 - Is the advice the same for friends and family who are not trying to write books?
  • 28:44 - What do you hope the reader takes away from reading your book?
  • 29:47 - How do you think the participants' lives were affected by your deep interactions with them?
  • 35:24 - What's the best way for people to learn more about what you are up to?
  • 35:32 - Anything you are looking forward to?
  • 36:16 - Did this prompt participants to write or share more of their stories?

"People are so fearful of saying the wrong thing, while the person going thru the trauma is wondering why nobody will talk to them." - David Richman

Links

Instagram -- instagram.com/davidrichman_cycleoflives/

David Ricman -- CycleofLives.org

See Cycle of Lives on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3GK6zlF


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


#RealMenFeel

Apr 14, 202338:20
Returning to the New Warrior Training Adventure | ManKind Project's NWTA

Returning to the New Warrior Training Adventure | ManKind Project's NWTA

Last weekend I was in Connecticut to staff the New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, a weekend-long rite of passage for men from the ManKind Project. This was the first NWTA in New England in three years, thanks to Covid.

I was supposed to staff the weekend last October, but all the NWTAs across the US were halted due to charges of cultural appropriation. The charges of cultural appropriation were from a group of Native American elders called Spirit. I'm not going to rehash everything here. Visit the blog post for this episode at RealMenFeel.org, and I'll have links to every article and video I mention.

When I discovered that all NWTAs were canceled, I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. My NWTA was back in October 2016. There was a lot of Native American ritual and ceremony, and it was presented respectfully, honoring where they came from and giving full acknowledgment. It was stressed how much training ManKindProject (MKP) men had with the Lakota people to learn what we would be doing.

There were months of negotiation between the ManKind Project and indigenous leaders. I didn't know when or if NWTAs would return, and I feared a watered-down weekend with no impact. I don't agree with all the things MKP let go of doing, but I also wasn't part of the process and have not had any interaction with the Native Americans who were upset. I do appreciate MKP's attempt to have integrity around the intended and unintended consequences of their training.

When the NWTAs were rescheduled, I didn't sign up to staff. I had no idea what the changes were and if I was on board with making any, but as I had previously stepped forward, I was asked to join this staff. I decided to do so because I wanted to experience this updated version of the weekend and see if it was still as powerful and was something I could recommend. I intentionally did not promote or invite anyone to last weekend's training. 

Real Men Feel's history with the Mankind Project goes back a long way.

The ManKind Project, with Boysen Hodgson, Episode 26, September 6, 2016

New Warrior Training Adventure Weekend Report, Episode 32, October 24, 2016

I've also had many guests who've done the NWTA and are part of MKP. Sometimes that was part of the show, and sometimes it was something I learned afterward.

Back to last weekend, I staffed my first NWTA since 2017, and I did so because I wanted to fall in love with the weekend again. I wanted to find that despite any changes, regardless of my opinion about them, this is still a powerful, potent weekend that I can recommend to men.

It is. 

I was flying high for days knowing there were 25 new men in the world. Men with vision, meaning, and mission. Men who have grown, healed, and reclaimed their Gold.

I wanted to staff this New Warrior Training Adventure weekend to see if it was still something I could heartily recommend to men. YES

Do it.

Don't look for details about what happens. All of my videos are safe because I share my experiences without sharing details of what is done. You will go on a hero's journey - let that be enough of a description.

If you've done the weekend, I highly recommend staffing it. You'll get wins and insights at another level. Make new friends and perhaps reconnect with old ones.

Visit NewWarriorTrainingAdventure.com, and you'll get a list of upcoming weekend events around the globe.

Pick one, and register.


Links

ManKindProject -- mankindproject.org

NWTAs -- newwarriortrainingadventure.com


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Apr 08, 202309:38
Rebuilding Yourself | Being The Best Man You Can Be

Rebuilding Yourself | Being The Best Man You Can Be

We are early in Spring, a time of renewal, growth, and, ideally, flourishing. I know that in my life, I've often had to renew, prune my life, weed out the shit in my mind, and reinvent myself to be the best man I can be.

My guest, Teddy Woolsey, took action when his life needed an overhaul and created a system that helped him, and now he uses that in service to others. He was 100K in debt, out of shape, depressed, and in a failing relationship to being debt-free, earning 3x as much, meeting his future wife, and living in Manhattan all in under a year and 1/2.

Teddy is RBLD Fitness's founder and works full-time as a Tech Sales Executive. He coaches his clients on sustainably losing fat, building muscle, and finding the balance between hard work and joy in their lives. 

We discuss the danger of relying on another person for your happiness and the importance of filling your self-help bucket and putting yourself first. Society often sees men as only having value based on what they earn, create, build, and protect. Such expectations left Teddy feeling anxious, frustrated, and unworthy.

You have value because you exist, not because of what you do. Listen in and let Teddy's explosive joy seep into you.


Topics and Questions

  • 1:20 - How was joy in your life?
  • 3:09 - What made you realize your life needed to change?
  • 7:07 - What was in your self-help bucket?
  • 7:54 - Did you realize your happiness depended on someone else before the relationship ended?
  • 11:25 - Did you know you were making a system at the time?
  • 15:09 - Tell me about the RBLD Fitness Philosophy
  • 19:40 - Step One: Tips for Reflecting
  • 23:40 - What does being a good man mean to you?
  • 28:34 - What brings you joy?
  • 30:57 - What mistake got you the lesson you appreciate most?
  • 32:35 - What do you wish more men knew?
  • 33:51 - What's the best way for people to learn more about you?


"Change your schedule and change your influences immediately! That will spark a revolution within yourself." - Teddy Woolsey


Links

Instagram -- @tedwoolsey

RBLD Fitness -- www.rbldfitness.com

Recommended book, The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Mar 31, 202335:56
When Boys Become Boys |  Messages and Development of Masculinity

When Boys Become Boys | Messages and Development of Masculinity


Real Men Feel invites you to redefine masculinity in today's world. The only definition of masculinity that matters is yours. We remind men that they are human beings and have the right to experience and express all of their emotions. 


One of the most mentioned books among Real Men Feel's learned guests is When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu. Based on a two-year study that followed boys from pre-kindergarten through first grade, When Boys Become Boys offers a new way of thinking about boys' development.


Judy Chu is an educator, researcher, and author. She teaches a course on Boys' Psychosocial Development at Stanford University. Her book, When Boys Become Boys, highlights boys' relational strengths and how boys' gender socialization can impact their development, relationships, and well-being. 


She also co-edited Adolescent Boys: Exploring Diverse Cultures of Boyhood. Judy currently serves as Chair of the Global Men's Health Advisory Committee at Movember and co-Chair of the Board of Directors at Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice. She also advises The Partnership for Male Youth and the Boys' Club of New York.


Join us and discover how the comments of one thirteen-year-old boy launched a career. Judy shares that boys yearn to find out how they can show themselves to others without putting themselves at risk. The pressure to conform and be welcomed as "one of the boys" is intense and persistent. 


Boys and men desire genuine, meaningful connections with other people, but some traditional masculinity aspects make such connections challenging. If you can't be your authentic self, having genuine, meaningful relationships is nearly impossible - yet those relationships are what boys long for.


I had no idea that the masks many men wear start as early as they do in preschool. This conversation was enlightening and sad at the same time.


Topics and Questions

  • 1:25 - You do a lot in support of boys and young men. What first got you interested in that topic?
  • 4:06 - Were these boys opening up and talking to anyone else?
  • 6:17 - Tell me about the study that led to When Boys Become Boys.
  • 10:20 - The three main points of the book.
  • 12:27 - Does the pressure to confirm kick in when boys start going to school?
  • 14:36 - Were the boys aware of the pressure to be more "masculine?"
  • 20:07 - How long did you observe this group of boys?
  • 22:23 - What surprised you the most in your research?
  • 24:43 - What are the masculine norms for a boy in Kindergarten?
  • 27:22 - Was there a price to pay for the boys changing their behaviors?
  • 29:39 - Are masculine qualities more innate or learned?
  • 31:21 - Based on what you've learned, do you have advice for parents?
  • 38:00 - What's the best way for people to learn more about everything you are up to?


"In an ideal world, you could be yourself without the risk of threat or punishment." - Judy Chu


Links

Judy Chu -- https://judyychu.wordpress.com

LinkedIn -- https://www.linkedin.com/in/juchu/


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Mar 24, 202339:14
Living WildFit | Navigating Fake Food and Deceptive Marketing

Living WildFit | Navigating Fake Food and Deceptive Marketing

One of the most emotional relationships many of us have is with food, which is often mirrored in a love/hate relationship with our bodies.

The best thing I did for my physical health last year was a program called WildFit. In late 2021, I went into a prolonged depression and gained over 30 lbs. Last summer, finally feeling better and taking positive actions, my weight was the final obstacle. That's when I discovered my guest, Eric Edmeades.

Eric is a serial entrepreneur with experience in wireless networking, military research, and Hollywood film production. Today, Eric is a leading authority in Behavioral Change Dynamics. He has created and consulted on some of the world's most effective, transformative, and highly rated educational products and live events.

Eric's dedication and passion for improving the quality of human lives worldwide inspired his flagship program, WILDFIT®, globally recognized as the most effective health transformation program on the market.

We discuss the diet industry, food marketing, the difference between diet and lifestyle, and our emotional connections to food. I share what made the WILDFIT program unique and effective for me. It is really a health program with a great side effect of weight loss.

The only species that go on diets are humans and our pets. Yet, we are the sickest animals on the planet, so clearly, something isn't working. The food in WILDFIT is based on nutritional anthropology, not the latest fads. I can't recommend WOILDFIT enough, tune in and learn why.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:25 - WILDFIT is not called a diet; why?
  • 2:39 - How and why was Wildfit created?
  • 5:05 - What is different about this program?
  • 6:53 - What is the eating in Wildfit based on?
  • 12:10 - How much exercise is required in WILDFIT?
  • 13:05 - Andy's experience with diet and exercise before WILDFIT.
  • 14:09 - Has food marketing always been deceptive?
  • 17:44 - What are some common emotional issues related to food?
  • 19:44 - Being at the mercy of unconscious parenting and conscious and deceptive marketing.
  • 21:47 - Is WILDFIT too restrictive to live a normal life?
  • 24:00 - Benefits and insights of the program for Andy
  • 26:02 - If there was one "fake food" you could eliminate from the planet, what would it be?
  • 31:00 - What are you most proud of?
  • 32:30 - what's the best way for people to learn more about WILDFIT?

"Food science you read about in mainstream press today is actually dangerous." - Eric Edmeades

Links

Explore WILDFIT for yourself -- GetWildfit.com

Instagram -- @EricEdmeades


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


#RealMenFeel ep 294

Mar 17, 202334:33
A Women's Perspective | She'd Hate To Be A Man

A Women's Perspective | She'd Hate To Be A Man

Some common complaints I hear from men are that they feel disposable, under attack, can't do anything right, and don't know what's expected of them. It may be time for a woman's perspective on what's going on between men & women.

My guest today, Reverend Leslie Peters RN, is a Curator of Intuitive & Transformational Conversations and a Trauma-Informed and Spiritual Nurse Leader. She's worked with women for 30 years and told me, "guys can't win!"

How women react to men is very dependent on their relationship with their fathers in childhood. Was he emotionally unavailable? What did love look like when she was growing up? What unmet needs were created while growing up that she wants a partner to fill?

When we look to others to fill our unmet needs, that relationship is in trouble. Many women say they want an emotionally available man but then experience it and are triggered and upset based on old trauma. It all comes down to trust and safety.

Someone needs to be vulnerable first and start asking critical questions as early in a relationship as possible, to establish honest and safe sharing. Too many people assume their partners know what they need; most have no idea because they haven't done the inner work. Don't guess what's in somebody's head; ask.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:26 - "I wouldn't want to be a man in a relationship. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't!"
  • 4:00 - This is not the case for all women or all men.
  • 5:18 - Nobody else can love you enough if you don't love yourself.
  • 5:58 - The root issue between men and women in relationships.
  • 8:22 - How a dad treats his daughter is how she will expect other men to show love.
  • 10:10 - Can you make it to adulthood without experiencing some level of trauma?
  • 14:15 - Rubber band breathing.
  • 15:58 - What's your experience with women who say they want men to be sensitive?
  • 17:33 - We are all mirrors of each other.
  • 18:58 - The solution for men and women in relationships.
  • 21:47 - Are men expected to be mind readers?
  • 26:20 - Any tips on starting such intimate conversations?
  • 32:20 - You weren't a typical RN; tell me about your work in the trenches.
  • 35:37 - Rev Leslie, What's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

"Get comfortable with uncomfortable, vulnerable conversations." - Rev Leslie Peters

Links

Rev Leslie Peters RN -- calendly.com/revleslie4heart

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Mar 10, 202337:09
Living a Full Contact Life | Intimacy, Feeling, and Choice

Living a Full Contact Life | Intimacy, Feeling, and Choice

This year, I've begun martial arts classes for the first time, and I've been having a blast sparring with guys half my age. My guest today has a bit more experience than that and a very eclectic background. He believes embracing intense and difficult emotions is the road to a fully lived and satisfying life.

My guest, Nico Verresen, is a former professional Muay Thai and Mixed Martial Arts athlete with a master's in Psychology. He specializes in resilience, performance, quality of life, and happiness. He's prepared 4 World Champions in various martial arts and, as a mindset coach, helps train business high-performers to turn their stress, setbacks, and intense conflicts into a competitive advantage.

We discuss the dangers of having a high drive and great ambition but low self-esteem and the importance of choice. It is freedom of choice that brings fulfillment. Nico stresses we must chase our values, not our goals.

We also explore belief's critical role in stress and the difference between pleasure and entertainment. Living a full-contact life means feeling fulfilled and no longer afraid of emotions.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:19 - Nico, How long was your fighting career?
  • 1:29 - As a professional athlete, you had to remain calm and focused under intense physical and mental stress. Did that come naturally?
  • 5:15 - How have your MMA skills transferred into other areas of life?
  • 8:40 - What inspired you to go from knocking people out to helping them smile?
  • 12:19 - What are some tips for being ambitious but enjoying the journey?
  • 14:53 - When we first spoke, you mentioned living a full contact life. What does that mean to you?
  • 17:57 - You can't have the feeling of victory without facing anxiety.
  • 19:14 - Most people try to avoid stress, but you say stress can be turned into a competitive advantage. Tell me about that.
  • 27:48 - How can we use conflict, disagreements, and fighting to create better relationships?
  • 33:19 - Is hypnosis your preferred tool?
  • 37:23 - Nico, what's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

"You don't need to run away from any emotion." - Nico Verresen

Links

Nico Verresen -- nicoverresen.org
Instagram -- @nicoverresen
Facebook -- facebook.com/nico.verresen
YouTube -- youtube.com/@NicoVerresen

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Mar 04, 202338:39
Being Happily Divorced | Leading With Kindness

Being Happily Divorced | Leading With Kindness

According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with about 60-67% ending in divorce.

As a child of divorce, I've only known them to be bitter and spiteful. My guest, Skye Michiels, is out to change that.

Skye is a dad, award-winning real estate leader, motivational speaker, and host of The 6AMERS Podcast, which provides inspiration and motivation for developing a healthy mindset, setting goals, and achieving happiness.

As a divorced dad of two, Skye is passionate about promoting positive co-parenting and determined to show divorced couples that a better, healthier, and happier experience is possible when a positive co-parenting relationship exists.

We discuss the shame and guilt of the "leaver" in a divorce, the benefits of positive co-parenting, tips to being happily divorced, and bust the myth of staying together for the kids' sake. 

Topics and Questions

  • 1:28 - What does it mean to be very happily divorced?
  • 2:49 - Is it possible to have a bad marriage and a good divorce?
  • 5:01 - Does being happily divorced mean the entire divorce process was smooth and joyous?
  • 8:41 - Is staying together for the kids realistic?
  • 11:30 - Andy's experience as a child of divorce.
  • 12:06 - Experience of the leaver. What helps deal with the shame?
  • 17:35 - Do things like positive co-parenting and conscious uncoupling mean the bitter divorce is a thing of the past?
  • 20:19 - How long did it take from saying I'm leaving to being happily divorced?
  • 22:57 - What made you know it was time to end the marriage?
  • 24:39 - What are some signs you are not in a great co-parenting situation?
  • 28:20 - What are some tips for creating a positive co-parenting relationship?
  • 30:10 - Would your partner say you are a great ex-husband?
  • 31:17 - Does being divorced turn you off from ever being married again?
  • 32:24 - What are some of the biggest challenges for divorced men?
  • 33:44 - What does leading with kindness mean?
  • 36:26 - Tell me about your podcast, The 6AMERS.
  • 38:44 - Skye, what's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

"To be a happily divorced person, you must agree on your commonalities. What's non-negotiable for both of you?" - Skye Michiels 

Links 
Skye Michiels on Instagram --
@skyemichiels
The 6AMERS podcast on Instagram -- @the6amers
Recommended Books: Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After - https://amzn.to/3YVadA2 

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel 291

Feb 24, 202340:15
Purpose & Respect | What Do Men Really Want?

Purpose & Respect | What Do Men Really Want?

I recently came across a NY Times opinion piece titled Men Need Purpose More Than "Respect" by David French. I don't read enough opinion pieces to know if I've read anything by Mr. French before, but I agreed with the headline, so I dove in.

The article was in response to a viral tweet written by another man I don't know, conservative podcaster Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog on Twitter) - Which stated: "All a man wants is to come home from a long day at work to a grateful wife and children who are glad to see him, and dinner cooking on the stove. This is literally all it takes to make a man happy. We are simple. Give us this and you will have given us nearly everything we need."

I don't believe men are that simple. If you don't have a grateful wife, children, and dinner, you might think that's all you need, but humans are creative and expansive creatures. There's always more. Happiness from the same thing day after day quickly wears off.

Many people say that women want love while men want respect. So let's define respect. Oxford dictionary says
"a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."

Respect is something we get from others. We can't control what others think of us or how they treat us. Anything relying on others is on shaky ground, to begin with.

If my self-worth doesn't come from within, I don't really have any. If my self-respect requires respect from others, then I have none. I'm chasing the approval and feedback of others. Let people respect you because you have integrity; you are kind, value yourself and others, and make a positive difference in the world.

Demanding respect from others can get you a lot of false respect. People can act as if they respect you to make you go away. The illusion of respect could be rooted in pity or fear.

But if you have a purpose. If you decide your life and actions have meaning - you will be happier. You will radiate joy - that will be noticed, appreciated, and respected.

So while men may say they want respect, they need purpose.


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

Join the Real Men Feel Facebook Group | http://realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Feb 18, 202306:11
Life After A Suicide Attempt | Sharing Lived Experiences

Life After A Suicide Attempt | Sharing Lived Experiences

Before we get going, I want to warn everyone that we will discuss suicide attempts today. If you are in crisis right now - please get help.

Text or call 988 in the US. Help is available 24 hours a day. For other countries, visit https://findahelpline.com/ for options near you.

The goal of this episode is that our shared experiences as suicide attempt survivors offers hope and encouragement to others, to you. We also want to raise awareness about the importance of mental health and suicide prevention.

The World Health Organization estimates that 800,000 people die by suicide each year. That number is undoubtedly underreported.

In 2020, it is estimated that 1.2 million people attempted to end their life, and what isn't talked about enough is that millions of people go on to live full, healthy lives after attempts.

My guest today is Herbie Mack. Herbie was born and raised in the South Bronx of New York, where he saw drug abuse and gang violence and experienced family trauma that caused him depression as a child, teenager, and adult. This led Herbie to become a functional alcoholic for over 11 years due to his inability to express his emotions effectively.

Herbie was unaware of the signs of suicide ideation, which led to him attempting suicide multiple times. After his last attempt and years of healing, he decided not to keep his suicide attempts to himself.

Topics and Questions

  • 2:26 - Why multiple attempts?
  • 3:20 - What were you trying to end?
  • 4:00 - How do you define a suicide attempt?
  • 5:28 - Herbie's story.
  • 10:43 - Andy's experience.
  • 13:38 - Forgiveness was the hardest thing.
  • 16:45 - A cry for help.
  • 19:52 - Did you need to experience multiple attempts?
  • 22:03 - How long has it been since your last attempt?
  • 22:17 - Do the thoughts return for you?
  • 23:30 - How do you keep hope and healing after your attempt?
  • 25:06 - What's the best part of being alive?
  • 26:10 - Any advice for someone who has made an attempt and is alone?
  • 27:40 - Any tips for someone who has found a loved one who made a suicide attempt?
  • 28:40 - Andy's seven tips following an attempt.
  • 30:42 - The weakest thing.
  • 35:36 - Tell me about your podcast.
  • 37:22 - Herbie asks Andy how his road to recovery was.
  • 43:43 - What's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

Links

Herbie Mack -- https://herbiemack.com/
Recommended Books: 200 Powerful Positive Affirmations Vol1, Volume 2, and Still Here: How To Succeed in Life After Failing at Suicide.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andyfgrant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | re

Feb 11, 202344:59
Regular Guy Chat with Anthony | Being A Better Man

Regular Guy Chat with Anthony | Being A Better Man

A semi-regular feature of Real Men Feel is Regular Guy Chats. That is when I have a conversation with an average dude with nothing to promote, just a willingness to share.

The first Regular Guy Chat of 2023 features Anthony Scire. Like most men, Anthony wears many hats; personal trainer, father, husband, friend, mentor, and outdoor enthusiast, to name a few. In my experience, Anthony is, first and foremost, a good man.

We discuss Anthony's experiences growing up, encountering the "man box," the ManKind Project, and wanting to be a better man. We explore doing the hard inner work, honesty, integrity, authenticity, humor, and being of service.

Anthony shares a number of books that have helped him and what he's learned about himself after feeling disappointed by other men.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:16 - What prompted you to get involved with the ManKind Project?
  • 2:59 - How did you learn what it means to be a man?
  • 4:43 - What led you to realize that this conditioning wasn't bringing out the best in you?
  • 5:46 - What makes the difficult inner work worth it to you?
  • 6:53 - Is it harder to be honest with yourself or with others?
  • 8:08 - What are some of your best skills?
  • 10:22 - How do you know you are a good husband and father?
  • 12:21 - Why does service matter to you?
  • 16:43 - What are you proud of?
  • 18:15 - What is one thing you wish more men knew?
  • 19:22 - Can you share a habit, book, or practice that has helped you?
  • 21:49 - What man had the biggest impact on you?
  • 23:10 - What was the root of your disappointment in men?
  • 26:55 - Is that pattern of being disappointed driving you to be better?
  • 29:25 - Is there some end state of a perfect man to reach?
  • 28:23 - What are you looking forward to?
  • 30:06 - Anything else you want to share?
  • 32:22 - What's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

"I want to be that person I didn't have. A better human, a better man." - Anthony Scire

Links

Anthony Scire -- https://www.anthonyscire.com/

Recommended Books: No More Mr. Nice Guy, Iron John, The Wonder of Boys, Do Hard Things, and The Talent Code

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andyfgrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Feb 04, 202333:55
Men Stepping Into Their Masculinity | Exploring Our Spirituality

Men Stepping Into Their Masculinity | Exploring Our Spirituality

This episode asks the big questions; what drives us, inspires us, and makes us push for more than just our basic needs to be met? So please sit back, turn on your black light and get deep with us.

My guest is J. Malik, a spiritual teacher, author, and speaker who emphasizes the importance of spiritual alignment in our careers, relationships, and finances. His mission is to empower men (and women) to develop healthy and prosperous relationships.

His personal journey of spiritual development inspired him to share his insights as a mystic and teach others the 'science and math' of spirituality often lost in modern religion. Malik advocates for men to embrace their masculinity, leadership, and success so that women can be safe to operate in their femininity and creative flow and not from survival mode.

We discuss widening the possibilities within the man box and dig into the alleged privileges of being male. Our conversation explores the danger of group identities and separation and the gifts of discipline, brotherhood, and men inspiring other men to be better.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:16 - Have you always been interested in spirituality and mystical subjects?
  • 1:49 - Is that true for every problem?
  • 2:23 - Tell me about your upbringing.
  • 3:32 - Do you think a man can connect and own his masculinity without connecting with his spirituality?
  • 6:28 - Science keeps catching up with spirituality.
  • 8:45 - What are some things that keep men from embracing their masculinity?
  • 13:20 - Pushing the boundaries of the Man Box.
  • 20:27 - Many successful women take on distorted masculine energies, aka pink masculinity.
  • 28:00 The problem with so many groups and labels.
  • 28:52 - What are some spiritual truths you wish more people know?
  • 36:22 - How does one begin to embrace authentic masculinity?
  • 40:52 - What sort of fears do you see driving men?
  • 47:50 - What's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you?

"I haven't come across any human problem that doesn't eventually get to a spiritual root." - J. Malik

Links

J. Malik -- https://www.jmalikteachings.com/

Check out The Divine Masculine Handbook - https://amzn.to/3kQwyj9

Connect with Malik on Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andyfgrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Jan 27, 202349:26
Unleashing Your Soulful Power | The Power of Choice

Unleashing Your Soulful Power | The Power of Choice

The introduction of this episode may give you flashbacks to high school English classes, but you'll be fine. Today we explore the power of making a choice; choosing to see the light, being of service, and improving all that you can.

My guest is Christian de la Huerta, a sought-after spiritual teacher, personal transformation coach, and leading voice in the breathwork community. He has traveled the world offering inspiring and transformational retreats combining psychological and spiritual teachings with lasting and life-changing effects.

His new book, Awakening the Soul of Power, has won multiple awards and was described by Gloria Estefan as "a balm for the soul of anyone searching for truth and answers to life's difficult questions."

We explore choice, empowerment, and freedom. Christian sees heroism in pausing, taking a breath, and choosing your action instead of automatic reactions. There is tremendous heroism in doing the inner work, facing our demons and shadows instead of numbing out and self-medicating. Do not underestimate the courage it takes to own and share our feelings.

Christian shares the tool he finds best for healing past trauma effectively and quickly. We discuss the need to update the traditional roles of men, including the provider and the explorer. The conversation also touches on our conflicted relationship with power.

Topics and Questions

  • 2:02 - The opportunity at the dawn of each new year to make a choice.
  • 3:24 - You write about personal power and heroism. Have you always felt your heroic self?
  • 4:30 - Tell me about your upbringing.
  • 6:08 - How do you define heroism?
  • 10:17 - The react and regret cycle.
  • 12:11 - Every emotion will be felt.
  • 12:30 - What does it mean to be a man in the 21st century?
  • 13:58 - What is the healthiest way to express masculinity?
  • 17:17 - The Explorer role
  • 18:05 - What does soulful power mean?
  • 22:38 - What are some examples of being in that soulful power?
  • 25:35 - Is there any ideal first step to switch from egoic power to soulful power?
  • 26:24 - What helped you to go within when you first wanted to make changes?
  • 27:59 - Andy's experience with Holotropic Breathwork.
  • 30:42 - A shared experience of self-sabotage in high school.
  • 37:00 - Awakening the Soul of Power is Book 1 in your Calling All Heroes series. Can you share anything about what's to come?
  • 39:47 - What's the best way for people to learn more?

Links

Christian de la Huerta -- https://soulfulpower.com
Check out Awakening the Soul of Power - https://amzn.to/3wjOUf2
See Andy's book, Healing & Mystical States Are Just a Breath Away - https://amzn.to/3QT7owi
Watch Christian's TEDx Talk, The Power of Breath - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLAziEkvUT8

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit https://theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/realmenfeelshow/ & https://www.instagram.com/theandygrant/
Personal Website | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | http://realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Jan 21, 202342:28
Personal Growth and Spirituality | Clarity, Courage, and Inspired Action

Personal Growth and Spirituality | Clarity, Courage, and Inspired Action

As we are still in the early days of the new year of 2023, ideally - there's lots of introspection, planning, hope, and possibilities to make this year your greatest yet! Let's explore allowing life to drive the show instead of our ego.

This week's guest is Dr. Morgan Oaks, a transformational speaker, chiropractor, and high-performance coach focused on men elevating their greatness. His tools include NLP, shamanic healing, and energy work. He believes in listening to our intuition to take inspired action. Dr. Morgan blends ancient wisdom with the tools of modern transformation to bring synergy to healing and personal growth.

Morgan shares his journey of waking up spiritually by being curious, uncovering his intuition, trusting synchronicity, and taking inspired action to fuel his desire to help heal the world. Call it gut instinct, hunches, or anything else; intuition shows up as subtle hints, but the more you trust it by listening and acting accordingly, the louder and more precise it can grow.

Morgan shares a few simple yet powerful ways to cultivate your intuition. We discuss the importance of curiosity and slowing down. As well as enjoying the journey and handling the one constant in life; change.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:04 - I see a common theme in all you do of being of service. Is that something that's always been important to you?
  • 2:37 - Did you only realize you were missing service once you experienced it?
  • 4:57 - I've met some chiropractors who are very spiritual and others that are very mechanical. Is that more the individual than the training?
  • 6:30 - What got you to take part in the healing ceremony?
  • 8:04 - Is that ceremony experience what prompted you to learn more about energy work?
  • 9:50 - Had you been conscious of your intuition before that?
  • 10:27 - In hindsight, what do you think was the big trigger for your awakening?
  • 14:55 - How do you define intuition?
  • 19:58 - What are some ways to cultivate our intuition?
  • 22:15 - What are some keys to men creating their best lives?
  • 24:22 - Using clarity as a crutch.
  • 25:50 - Being spiritual and physical.
  • 30:01 - Can you share a habit, practice, program, or book that has helped you?
  • 34:14 - What are you looking forward to?
  • 35:41 - What's the best way for people to learn more?

"I believe the universe is conspiring in our favor, but it can't help us unless we take action." - Dr. Morgan Oaks

Links

Dr. Morgan Oaks -- https://drmorganoaks.com

Check out Morgan's Men's Retreat in Mexico! - https://www.drmorganoaks.com/mexico

Recommended book: The Alchemist

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Jan 13, 202337:20
Healing From Trauma | Moving From Pain to Possibility

Healing From Trauma | Moving From Pain to Possibility

I have yet to meet anyone who hasn't suffered some form of trauma. It seems that the human experience was made to include trauma. Trauma doesn't just mean physical abuse, sexual abuse, and war. It can be more minor things like not having all your needs met at any point in childhood. The simplest definition of trauma is anything too high in magnitude for you to deal with at the time.

My guest today, Greg Wieting, helps leaders and entrepreneurs heal anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and trauma so they can lead with bold and courageous hearts.

For two decades, he's helped hundreds of clients reduce or eliminate their dependence on antidepressants, anxiety, pain, and sleep meds. He addresses the unresolved trauma that causes inflammation, compromises immune function, stagnates emotion, fogs thought, and creates hormonal imbalance.

He is the founder of PRISMA – a framework overlaying trauma, neuroscience, and energy medicine with somatic and mindfulness-based practices. He developed this while healing his anxiety, depression, and chronic pain rooted in trauma. This included unraveling a severe spinal curvature and standing three inches taller today!

We explore attachment wounding, unmet needs, and unresolved trauma. As well as the benefits of energy medicine and trying things you've never heard of.

Topics and Questions

1:52 - Tell me a bit about your experience with trauma growing up.
7:23 - I'm not a random collection of chemicals
7:50 - Is the state of being overwhelmed different for each person?
9:54 - What was your chronic pain caused by?
12:48 - What were some of the first things you did that helped and gave you hope?
16:41 - What are some common mistakes regarding trauma and healing?
20:21 - Can all trauma be healed?
23:14 - How does energy medicine work?
26:01 - Animals can physically shake things off. Do you think humans were ever like that?
28:54 - Tell me more about PRISMA.
32:44 - Is there anything you wish you had learned at a younger age?
34:36 - Your spine straightened out on its own?
36:02 - Can you share a habit, practice, program, or book that has helped you?
40:12 - What are you looking forward to?
41:37 - What's the best way for people to learn more?

"I think healing is developing a really robust, compassionate relationship from ourselves to ourselves." - Greg Wieting

Links

Greg Wieting -- https://gregwieting.com

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Jan 07, 202343:25
Men Finding Their Purpose | Mindset, Fulfillment & Spirituality

Men Finding Their Purpose | Mindset, Fulfillment & Spirituality

I believe everybody has a mission, a calling, a purpose to their life, and part of life's great joy or frustration is discovering that. I don't recommend my path, which was multiple suicide attempts before I finally got there must be a better way, and I began doing the inner work. Today we are diving into purpose!

My guest today is men's mentor Cooper Heller. Cooper is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and life coach who helps men clarify their purpose, upgrade their physical health, and develop a winning mindset.

Cooper shares how an injury in high school upended his seemingly perfect life. He became addicted to opioids, overweight, and severely depressed. After discovering the importance of nutrition and mindset in his recovery, Cooper saw tremendous improvements in his outlook and life. He launched his first company in college, focusing on fitness, nutrition, and mindset.

We explore purpose, fulfillment, spirituality, divinely orchestrated events, and much more.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:10 - Tell me a bit about what happened to you in high school.
  • 5:19 - What was your mood and mindset like before your accident?
  • 5:50 - Was purpose something you thought about while growing up?
  • 6:22 - How important is mindset to having a fulfilling life?
  • 7:11 - What was telling you there was something more?
  • 8:25 - Is purpose static, or does it change over time?
  • 8:55 - What do you say to someone who thinks "it is completely possible to live an amazing, fulfilling life and do what you love to do." is complete bull shit?
  • 10:36 - Any suggestions for people to help discover or clarify their purpose?
  • 13:49 - Most of what we worry about in our youth doesn't matter.
  • 14:48 - "If you don't have adversity, you aren't living much of a life. You are flatlining." - Bob Proctor
  • 15:34 - Is one of the biggest hurdles to purpose believing you have one?
  • 17:21 - Is there one more thing you wish more men knew about purpose?
  • 17:56 - The lie of "trying."
  • 18:32 - Can you share a habit, practice, program, or book that has helped you?
  • 19:27 - Do you have any insights on choosing a good mentor?
  • 21:26 - Is purpose only in vocation or career?
  • 21:53 - What are some signs that you are in alignment with your purpose?
  • 23:44 - What man had the biggest impact on you? Tell me about him.
  • 24:57 - What are you most proud of?
  • 26:07 - Do you still have a connection with friends from before your accident?
  • 27:10 - What are you looking forward to?
  • 28:25 - What is the best way for people to learn more about your work?
  • 28:45 - The ego trip of working with a young man as a mentor.

"The only true failure in life is not striving for why you're here." - Cooper Heller

Links
Cooper Heller --
https://www.instagram.com/cooperbheller

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
YouTube | Real Men Feel

Dec 16, 202231:06
What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? | What I Wish I Knew at 22

What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? | What I Wish I Knew at 22

A couple of days ago, I came across an Instagram post from an account called awake_spiritual, and it was a picture of Dwayne Johnson - The Rock, and it was called Things I Know at Age 45 That I Wish I Knew at 22.

It had a list of 14 such things. I don't believe this is anything The Rock said, but maybe it is.

It got me thinking about what I would tell my 22-year-old self. I had a few items right away and let my brain simmer with them for a bit.

I've got five, and then I'll also share all 14 that the IG post mentioned too.

What I would tell my 22-year-old self:

  1. Life is good. --- I thought life sucks, then you die. Life is good, and you are worthy of joy.
  2. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING you are worried about ends up mattering much at all.
  3. The only definition of what it means to be a man that matters is yours. Whatever you are doing, that's what a man does.
  4. Action cures fear. Do the things you're afraid of.
  5. You can be right, or you can be happy. Please choose happy.


Maybe you agreed with most, maybe with none. I don't care. I do care that you take a few minutes to think about this for yourself.

What would you tell 22-year-old you? Or if you are a young man, what would you tell your 16-year-old self?
Don't let the ages mentioned be your excuse not to do this.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Instagram |
@realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Let's Talk - visit https://theandygrant.com/talk
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
YouTube | Real Men Feel

Dec 10, 202210:10
Never Give Up | It Does Get Better

Never Give Up | It Does Get Better

WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts.

If you are in crisis, do not listen to this episode. Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors that are part of the National  Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. https://988lifeline.org

If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country.
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/11181469

Last November - 2021 - I stopped doing all the positive things in my life. I chose to dive straight into depression, solitude, and misery. I stopped doing this podcast. I stopped leading men's groups. I stopped being open to new coaching clients. I stopped exercising. I stopped every positive daily ritual I've developed over the years.

The exact circumstances of what started this dark period aren't important because there is always something we can focus on to our detriment. This life can be heaven or hell; it comes down to us; our outlook, perception, thinking, judgment, and actions.

I took minimal action for months.

I wanted to remind you and myself where I was a year ago because of the rapid change, resilience, support, and positive energy that is available to all of us - but not until we are willing to accept it.

Whenever you feel like shit, if you are under siege by your own thoughts saying you should check out of life early - do something for somebody. Make some effort of service for another human being. I find that always changes my mood and outlook.

Life is good. You are good. Please allow yourself to feel that truth.

If you need daily reminders to be of service, to share yourself, and better your mood - I recently discovered Do Good December - a monthly calendar of simple things you can do to spread more love and kindness. I've posted it to Real Men Feel Facebook and IG pages, and I'll make sure it is part of this episode's post on RealMenFeel.org if you want to track it down.


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Dec 03, 202205:55
Men & Sex | Fear in Our Sexual Relationships with Women

Men & Sex | Fear in Our Sexual Relationships with Women

My returning guest today is Dr. Avrum Weiss. Dr. Weiss is a psychotherapist, award-winning author, speaker, and teacher. His decade-long work on understanding the inner lives of men culminated with his recently published bestseller "Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships."

We talk about what a man's lack of sexual desire means for a relationship and the root causes of that low desire. Learn what men are taught about sex that harms our relationships and how not to see sex as a performance.

"Think of foreplay as starting the minute you open your eyes in the morning" ~Dr. Avrum Weiss

Too many men ignore their sexual desires and use sex as validation and reassurance. Sex is about more than orgasm. Men often get a bad rap as being selfish lovers, but your pleasure does matter.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:50 Is there a particular fear that men have of women, or are there lots of them?
  • 2:50 - The reason behind low sexual desire in men.
  • 4:15 - Why are men so preoccupied with women's orgasms?
  • 6:55 Men are not experiencing a whole lot of pleasure in sex.
  • 10:23 - If men's fear of women goes back to Adam and Eve, is that just how it is?
  • 11:49 - Do men cover up their distress from women?
  • 12:21 - How do men go over this sense of competition in sex?
  • 14:43 - How do we get men and women to understand each other better?
  • 15:24 - What are men afraid of related to sex?
  • 17:27 - Is monogamy an artificial creation?
  • 20:07 - Humans are driven by fear.
  • 20:52 - Do women and men see sexual issues or challenges the same way?
  • 22:34 - Cultural differences around the world.
  • 23:22 - What is the best step for a man with low sexual desire to change that and improve his relationship?
  • 24:33 - Is there one more thing you wish more men knew about sex?
  • 26:48 - Don't make sex the last thing you do in a day
  • 31:08 - What women say they learned from their mothers about men.
  • 32:32 - What is the best way for people to learn more about your work?

Links

Avrum Weiss PhD -- https://www.avrumweissphd.com/

Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships -- On Amazon

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Nov 25, 202235:01
Covenant House Sleep Out | On Location

Covenant House Sleep Out | On Location

For the first time, Real Men Feel is on location. This week's show checks in from Covenant House's Sleep Out in Boxboro, Massachusetts.

Andy took part in a fundraising event for Covenant House that involved giving up his bed for one night to raise funds to get more young people off the streets. People choose to spend a night outside to help those who don't have a choice.

We talk with Jill Vorndran, Covenant House's Chief Development Officer.

Topics and Questions

2:59 - What is going on tonight?
3:25 - Is this a global event?
3:54 - What is the point of the Sleep Out?
4:34 - What is the age range of Covenant House clients?
5:30 - What are you saving people from?
8:12 - Is this an annual event?
9:38 - It is an issue of individual circumstances that brings someone to Covenant House.

You can create a Sleep Out event at any time by visiting CovenantHouse.org.

Andy shares his immense gratitude for all his blessing. You can contribute to the cause until the end of the year. Please visit https://www.sleepout.org/participant/andygrant

"I attempted to treat Friday like a typical day, but it wasn't possible. I knew I'd get less sleep at the Sleep Out, but I didn't expect how little I got. My thinking and energy were a struggle. I fell asleep twice in my office chair while attempting to work. I couldn't hit the gym, conversations were a challenge, and editing this week's show took much longer than it would normally. I fell asleep around 9 pm Friday and slept straight till 7 am Saturday.

This was all from only one night on the streets. Many homeless people have full-time jobs, are full-time students, or even both, and can't afford a safe place to live. They deal with the daily battle of never having enough sleep and struggling to think clearly. If you are not in that situation, please give some compassion to those who are."

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Nov 19, 202213:29
Being Of Service | One Man's Journey

Being Of Service | One Man's Journey

Real Men Feel hosts conversations that most men aren't having but that all men can benefit from. My favorite sort of guest is someone who shares their journey and how they are now serving people. That's what we have for you today.

My guest is healer, coach, and men's group facilitator Justin Gagne. We talk about seeking more depth, being called to your purpose, loss, grief, anger, and recovery from alcoholism. Justin's experience in the darkness made him want to help others through that faster.

We explore being an empathetic child, the gifts of Covid isolation, and doing the inner work to become a better version of yourself. Justin expresses his anger over losing his mother and the resulting spiritual awakening. Including powerful experiences and lucid dreams with his guides.

We discuss the importance of embracing your masculine and feminine energy. Justin shares how his father was a role model for service to others, showing him what soft, kind, gentle men could look like.

Topics and Questions

1:04 - What prompted you to want to lead men's groups?

1:52 - Have you always been seeking more depth?

2:22 - What experiences let you know you were being called to something?

4:04 - What were you angry about?

6:40 - What was the turning point for you?

7:45 - Could you work on yourself while drinking or only after?

11:57 - The healing power of being of service.

13:00 - What were your experiences as a kid?

15:52 - What first got you into healing?

19:31 - What does divine masculine mean to you?

21:53 - What man had the most significant impact on you?

23:36 - Does he know how much he means to you?

24:37 -What are you proud of?

26:10 - What are you looking forward to?

26:45 - How does someone know the right direction?

29:45 - Is there anything you wish you had learned at a younger age?

31:08 -What is one thing you wish more men knew?

33:02 - How can people learn more or connect with you?


Connect with Justin at
https://www.facebook.com/TheSavingLight

Grab some gear at realmenfeel.org/swag.

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Nov 05, 202235:17
Cultural Appropriation | Misappropriations and The ManKind Project

Cultural Appropriation | Misappropriations and The ManKind Project

Right now, I should be volunteering at a New Warrior Training Adventure, a weekend event run worldwide by the ManKind Project. But a couple of weeks ago, Oct 11 to be exact, it was canceled by MKP USA. All the planned New Warrior Training Adventures, NWTAs, were canceled in the US for the rest of 2022. The cancellations were due to charges of cultural appropriation from a group of Native American elders called Spirit.

First off, let me clarify that I am a middle-aged white American man. I have no insight into what it means to be Native American, or any other race or culture for that matter. I am sharing my opinions and asking questions. I am not representing any other individual or group.

And I'm willing to be wrong about everything I think I know.

When I discovered that all NWTAs were canceled, I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. My NWTA was back in October 2016. There was a lot of Native American ritual and ceremony, and it was presented very respectfully, honoring where they came from and giving full acknowledgment. It was stressed how much training ManKindProject (MKP) men had with the Lakota people to learn what we would be doing.

I thought cultural appropriation meant taking something from another culture and claiming it as your own. MKP never did that in anything I was involved in. Nobody in MKP claimed to have invented the sweat lodge or any other rituals I took part in. The sweat lodge seems to be the main point of contention, but it is just one of many different events that make up the NWTA weekend.

My brief research found that many cultures have used sweat lodges for purification, healing, and relaxation. Most commonly known are Native Americans, but also the Mayans, Aztecs, and across Europe as early as the 5th century. https://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Sweat_lodge

MKP Statement included: "A public campaign against the ManKind Project over concerns about cultural appropriation launched in the evening of Oct 6, 2022. One aspect of the campaign encourages public protests at NWTA locations across the country. The locations of our events were published.

After assessing the content on the website, it became apparent that to proceed would put MKP participants and volunteers at risk."

America is a melting pot of hundreds of cultures. Borrowing from other cultures is inevitable; it can be positive. To me, it is the evolution of society.

Centuries ago, people came to North America and saw natives as less than.

The letter from Spirit (https://www.spiritprotection.org/letter-to-mkp) makes it clear that native people are still hurting.

To me, MKP has been trying to honor the native practices they use, but it is not seen that way by all native leaders.

You can do the right thing and still have it be the wrong thing.

Earlier this year, the ManKind Project USA published a statement, “Acknowledging and Evolving Our Relationship with Indigenous Peoples and Practices.”

Note: NWTA  events continue to happen outside of the US.

Connect with Andy and RMF

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
YouTube | Real Men Feel

Oct 29, 202209:51
Gender Role Socialization | How Men Learn To Be Men

Gender Role Socialization | How Men Learn To Be Men

#RealMenFeel ep 276 Gender Role Socialization | How Men Learn To Be Men

Real Men Feel hosts conversations that most men aren't having but that all men can benefit from. Today we explore the ways we learn how to be men. Much of that comes from a life-long socialization process, specifically gender role socialization.

My guest Dr. Bill DeFranc is a licensed psychologist who has worked in schools, hospitals, group practices, and college counseling centers and had a parenting consulting business. He was an Instructor at Harvard Medical School and has published research on men's gender role socialization.

We discuss the positive and negative outcomes of gender role socialization and why men often hold themselves to a more rigid definition of manliness. Bill shares how his research impacted his being a father and the one thing he wishes more men knew.

"If you can't see shades of grey, it's going to be a problem." Dr. Bill DeFranc

Listen in to discover the most common issues Dr. DeFranc sees in clients related to men's gender role conflict and the shame it can create.

Topics and Questions

  • 0:55 - What is gender role socialization?
  • 1:31 - What are some common ways that men are socialized?
  • 2:43 - Does socialization ever stop?
  • 3:34 - Is it difficult to go against your gender socialization?
  • 5:57 - What are some problematic issues for me?
  • 8:22 - What are some beneficial outcomes of gender role socialization for men?
  • 11:12 - Is age a significant factor in the impact of receiving gender role messages?
  • 12:13 - What is toxic masculinity?
  • 14:14 - What is gender role conflict?
  • 15:08 - What got you interested in this?
  • 17:08 - Did anything surprise you in your research?
  • 18:33 - How did that research affect you as a father?
  • 22:11 - Is it each generation's job to push back at their socialization?
  • 24:30 - Do you have advice for parents raising boys?
  • 28:08 - What issues are you seeing in male clients?
  • 31:05 - Who had the most significant impact on you learning what it means to be a man?
  • 32:54 - Did attending an all-male school give you a more rigid version of masculinity or a more expanded one?
  • 34:55 - What is one thing you wish more men knew?
  • 36:17 - What's the best way to find out more about you?

Grab some men's gear at realmenfeel.org/swag.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Oct 21, 202237:29
Regular Guy Chat with Ken | Leaning Into Fear

Regular Guy Chat with Ken | Leaning Into Fear

Men are told it isn't good to fear things, but you can't be brave or courageous without first recognizing fear. And I've repeatedly found that great things happen when I walk boldly into my fear and do what I'm afraid of.

I put out the call in the private Real Men Feel Facebook group for anyone interested in doing a regular guy chat - that means no agenda, nothing to sell or promote- an average dude who has something to share.

I said, "If you are interested but terrified, that's a great sign to say, Yes!"

My guest for this Regular Guy Chat is husband, father, brother, retired IT professional, and present-day wellness warrior, Ken MacKeen. We talk about trauma, shame, selfishness, and also the incredible personal growth possible on the other side of fear.

Ken shares how childhood abuse and abandonment affected his entire life and what happened when he stopped covering up his feelings with alcohol. Thankfully, he realized that solitude, isolation, and loneliness are not good places to be.

Ken shares his "one asshole at a time" rule too.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:17 - What made you say yes to being on Real Men Feel?
  • 1:50 - Are there specific fears about being here or is more generalized?
  • 2:59 - What was your life like growing up?
  • 5:03 - Were you conscious of this trauma as a child?
  • 5:43 - At what age did you start drinking?
  • 7:15 - Were your siblings treated differently than you?
  • 9:00 - Do you want relationships with your family?
  • 11:15 - Besides alcohol, how did you deal with the shame?
  • 12:17 - What were the messages you got about your emotions while growing up?
  • 13:00 - How was it being a father?
  • 14:40 - Would you have changed anything if you hadn't received the OUI?
  • 16:14 - What man had the biggest impact on you? Tell me about him.
  • 17:15 - What are you most proud of?
  • 18:18 - Can you take any ownership when your sons are complimented?
  • 21:50 - When something triggers you now, what do you think you are angry about?
  • 23:08 - What are you looking forward to?
  • 24:08 - Is there anything you wish you had learned at a younger age?
  • 27:38 - How do you plan to speak up and share more?

Grab some gear at realmenfeel.org/swag

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Oct 14, 202230:47
Youth Homelessness | Everyone Deserves a Safe Place to Sleep

Youth Homelessness | Everyone Deserves a Safe Place to Sleep

At one point in my youth, I left a mental hospital against medical advice because I had tickets to see Motley Crue. I figured if I was alive, I was going to that show. There's a longer tale about how I got home and the reaction of family and friends, but the net result is that I was kicked out of my house. I was homeless.

Thankfully, I had neighbors who gave me a couch for a few days while I figured shit out, so I never had to live on the streets, but I thought that might be what happened. Through college and beyond, friends and I sometimes slept in city parks or hotel stairwells while traveling because we were broke. But that had a sense of adventure and playfulness, nothing like actual homelessness. 

I share this because I want to talk about homelessness, specifically Youth Homelessness. And I don't just want to talk about it. I'm going to do something about it and let you know how easily you can as well.

In the United States, 4.2 million young people will face homelessness this year alone.

Kids can end up on the streets because their home isn't safe or they are battling addiction, depression, or any mental health challenge. Living on the streets doesn't help any of it. Homelessness can lead to worse addictions, sex trafficking, and suicide.

Covenant House, is a charitable organization that I've donated to for years. They empower young people to overcome homelessness by providing them safe housing, food and clothing, and relentless support. 

No one is ever turned away without support of some kind. And their services and programs are available at no cost. https://www.covenanthouse.org

Perhaps you are wondering. Why is he talking about Covenant House so much? Because, for the first time, I'm an active participant in their annual fundraiser, the Sleep Out. The Sleep Out happens on November 17 around the world. People give up their beds for one night to raise money to get more kids off the streets for good.

Please consider donating to my Sleep Out at https://www.sleepout.org/participant/andygrant

By searching for my name, you can also find me on the sleepout.org home page.

I'm talking about this because a planned guest had to cancel at the last minute. Today is October 7, and moments ago, I discovered that October 10 is World Homeless Day, so this is very synchronistic.

Sleep Out is our chance to shine a light on the youth homelessness crisis and raise critical funds that help Covenant House provide young people with around-the-clock support. The awareness and funds raised translate to things like new sheets, computers, meals, and best-in-class care for youth overcoming homelessness.

visit https://www.sleepout.org

Donate to me at
https://www.sleepout.org/participant/andygrant

By searching for my name, you can also find me on the sleepout.org home page.

I need your help to smash through my 5K goal.


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | youtube.com/realmenfeel

Oct 08, 202207:34
No Lucks Given | Mental Health In The Kitchen

No Lucks Given | Mental Health In The Kitchen

Real Men Feel ep273 No Lucks Given | Mental Health In The Kitchen

Today Real Men Feel ventures into the kitchen to talk with Chef Brother Luck. Brother is an award-winning chef, entrepreneur, and advocate for the pursuit of self-discovery. He is on a mission to prove to others that while our past is forever a part of who we are, it does not determine the people we become.

Brother has appeared on Chopped, Beat Bobby Flay, and Top Chef. He also owns two restaurants, Four by Brother Luck, and Lucky Dumpling, located in his home, Colorado Springs. And he has just released his memoir, No Lucks Given.

We discuss courage, vulnerability, mentorship, and the freedom of tears. TRIGGER WARNING: We also talk about suicide attempts and the death of Anthony Bordain.

Sometimes the bravest thing a man can do is ask for help.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:05 - What first got you interested in cooking?
  • 2:54 - Before chefs, was there anyone in your life who told you, "good job"?
  • 3:25 - What told you that you were following the wrong people?
  • 4:05 - Traditionally, women predominantly do cooking, yet most famous chefs are men. Where does that discrepancy comes from?
  • 5:57 - Is it difficult to leap from chef to celebrity chef?
  • 7:05 - Your memoir is titled, No Lucks Given; what does that mean?
  • 8:51 - Was perseverance natural for you?
  • 9:27 - What was your childhood like?
  • 10:11 - Hitting his breaking point?
  • 11:54 - Who is the worst judge of Brother Luck?
  • 12:49 - Is a professional kitchen supportive of mental health?
  • 15:39 - Do you still find time to enjoy cooking?
  • 16:22 - If you're one thing. Be vulnerable.
  • 18:23 - Do you come across 16-year-olds who remind you of yourself?
  • 21:11 - How did Anthony Bourdain's death by suicide affect you?
  • 23:30 - After your attempt, what was your next step?
  • 25:20 - What worked well for you that you would recommend to others?
  • 30:00 - Tell me about your advocacy work for mental health.
  • 30:37 - What's the best way to learn more about you and everything you are up to?
  • 31:13 - What is one thing you wish more men knew?

Links

Brother Luck -- https://chefbrotherluck.com/
No Lucks Given: Life's hard but there is hope - https://amzn.to/3LVXQxY

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Sep 30, 202232:41
What About Trans Men? | Who Is Real Men Feel For?

What About Trans Men? | Who Is Real Men Feel For?

Real Men Feel reminds you that men are human beings and are entitled to feel and express the full range of emotions. I'm going to emphasize that more today, thanks to an email I received last week.

"About 3-4 years ago, I came out as a trans man. I deal with a lot of imposter syndrome when it comes to my identity. Whenever I hear the name of your podcast, it makes me cringe a little because I don't see myself as a "real" man. It makes me feel like this is advice that isn't for me. ...does the advice you give count for trans men as well as cis men?"

Nobody has asked me this question, but I have wondered. If you don't know, cis is short for cisgender, which means a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth.

For the first couple of years, I co-hosted Real Men Feel with Appio Hunter, a gay male friend. I thought that would cover more ground, but there was rarely different advice, issues, or topics for gay vs. straight men.

I don't recall any episode specifically about trans men, but I have often said that if you consider yourself a man, anything you do is, by definition, manly. If you see yourself as a man, Real Men do whatever you do.

I know guys with ED, others who have been paralyzed below the waist, and others who battled testicular cancer and had one of their balls removed. I don't consider any of them to be less than, or non-men, or people who can no longer listen to this podcast.

I talk to so many men dealing with imposter syndrome that I'd say having it is more proof of your manliness, not less.

It took me years to be comfortable with the title, even though I named the show. There are so many sayings, memes, etc. about Real Men this, Real Men that... ALL of them pissed me off. So the title is a play on that.

But also, the "real" of Real Men Feel means genuine, authentic, and true to yourself. All of that is up to you. No committee, organization, or individual decides whether you are a man or not, except for you.

So, is the advice I give only for cis men?

From my perspective, no. I would suggest more critical than "is the advice meant for this group or that group," ask, "Do I resonate with this?"

If you are a trans man and want to share a bit of your experience on Real Men Feel, I'd be honored to have you. Reach out to me at realmenfeel@gmail.com.

Wherever you are discovering the Real Men Feel - I invite you to subscribe, follow, like, share, post a comment, and all that fun stuff.

If you want to explore what life might be like for you with more authenticity and vulnerability, book a free Clarify Call with me - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | youtube.com/realmenfeel

Sep 24, 202207:13
Rules For Men | Where Do Yours Come From?

Rules For Men | Where Do Yours Come From?

Real Men Feel exists to remind you that men are human beings entitled to feel and express the full range of emotions. I look forward to the day when a man can cry in public, and people notice and say to themselves, "Now, that's a man." Not sarcastically, not ironically, but because they recognize that publicly expressing emotions could be the bravest, most courageous thing a man can do.

Recently I got an email and the title was The Laws for Manhood. I rolled my eyes and marked it to follow. Anytime someone makes a list of any rules, laws, or vows that all men must follow in order to be men... I want to puke. I had the time to go back and read that article earlier today.

There are rules and laws that society teaches us that are meant to create a better community. Some rules are passed down from parents and schools intended to make us behave and be quiet. There are unconscious rules often tied to our gender and social roles; Those sorts of things we pick up as kids that our parents model in their actions or words. 

Any unconscious rule can get you into trouble. Since it is unconscious, you don't realize you are abiding by it and don't realize where it came from to begin with. 

The oldest rules I could think of our the 10 Commandments. I don't know anybody who's never broken some of those.

Back to the original email, I got. It linked to an article called What Are Your 10 Laws of Manhood? That's a little better than the email - at least it's "your laws" not saying this is a must for all mankind.

That all reminded me of some rules I do agree with.

Friend and frequent guest of this show, Jed Diamond, wrote a book called 12 Rules of Good Men.

  • Rule #1: Join a Men's Group.
  • Rule #2: Break Free From the Man Box.
  • Rule #3: Accept the Gift of Maleness.
  • Rule #4: Embrace Your Billion Year Male History.
  • Rule #5: Recognize Your Anger and Fear of Women.
  • Rule #6: Learn the Secrets of Real, Lasting, Love.
  • Rule #7: Undergo Meaningful Rites of Passage.
  • Rule #8: Celebrate Your True Warrior Spirit and Learn Why Male Duel and Females Duet.
  • Rule #9: Understand and Heal Your Adverse Childhood Experiences.
  • Rule #10: Heal Your Father Wound and Become the Father You Were Meant to Be.
  • Rule #11: Treat the Irritable Male Syndrome and Male-Type Depression.
  • Rule #12: Find Your Mission in Life and Do Your Part to Save Humanity.

I believe the best rules to live by are ones you've proven from your own experience. They can undoubtedly originate from someone else, but if any rule, law, guideline, or vow about being a man doesn't bring more joy to your life - I strongly suggest questioning it.

If you have a rule to live by that you think works great, share it. Wherever you are listening to this, post a comment or email me at realmenfeel@gmail.com.

Links

See what other guys think
https://www.quora.com/What-are-your-10-laws-of-manhood

Jed Diamond's The 12 Rules for Good Men
https://amzn.to/3BgofS4

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!
YouTube | youtube.com/realmenfeel

Sep 17, 202209:59
Preventing Suicide By Talking About Suicide | World Suicide Prevention Day

Preventing Suicide By Talking About Suicide | World Suicide Prevention Day

Real Men Feel is about reminding men that they are human and entitled to feel and express the full range of emotions. Some of those emotions can you have feeling like absolute shit, but that never means that you are shit.

If you've read any of my books, seen me speak live, listened to many Real Men Feel episodes, perhaps heard me as a guest on other shows, or even know me as an actual, physical, human being, you are aware that I don't hide the fact that I've tried to end my life multiple times.

September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day, and I don't make a big thing about this day because, frankly, it pisses me off. Every day should be suicide prevention day for all of us. But I get that plenty of people still experience a stigma around any discussions of mental health or suicide. And I have long believed that one of the best ways to prevent suicide is to talk about it. So I shall.

Men account for three-quarters of deaths by suicide in many countries. While the pathway to suicide for each individual is unique, some common risk factors have been shown to contribute to the higher suicide rate among men. These risk factors include using more lethal means, reduced help-seeking, harmful substance use, social disconnection, conformity to some masculine norms, and stressful life events such as unemployment and relationship breakdown.

The theme for World Suicide Prevention Day this year is "Creating hope through action." My talking to you right now is an action. You listening right now is an action. You checking with a dear friend and asking how they are? is an action.

Working with a therapist, a coach, or a men's group is a positive action you might take. By the way, those are all things I've been doing this summer.

I invite you to show support for those struggling with suicidal attempts or ideation and to remember loved ones who died of suicide.

Links

Check out the ManKind Project - https://mankindproject.org/

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Sep 10, 202207:39
Men's Fears of Women

Men's Fears of Women

This episode could be titled Real Men Fear. Today's guest is Dr. Avrum Weiss, a psychotherapist, an award-winning author, and teacher. His decade-long work on understanding men's internal lives culminated with his recently published bestseller "Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships."

Avrum is a regular contributor to the Psychology Today website and offers workshops nationally about psychotherapy with men and helping men and women understand each other. He practices psychotherapy online from his home on an island in Midcoast Maine, specializing in psychotherapy groups for men and psychotherapy consultation.

We discuss the hierarchy of fears men have of women, the repercussions of those fears, and what men can do about them. Listen in to learn about men's unacknowledged dependencies on their partners and the underlying issue of gender role conflict.

Did you know loneliness is as significant a health risk for men as smoking? Let's do something about that.

Topics and Questions

  • 1:21 Starting with the premise that men are human.
  • 1:50 Is there a particular fear that men have of women, or are there lots of them?
  • 3:49 Have men long been afraid of women, or is this a modern age problem?
  • 4:55 Fear of conflict with women
  • 5:38 Are men fearful of being controlled and of conflict from anyone, or is something different regarding women?
  • 7:00 Are you afraid of women?
  • 10:27 Does saying men are fearful of anything make you anti-man?
  • 12:17 What do you say to a bitter man who says all women are narcissists who use men and throw them away?
  • 15:24 What are some repercussions of men afraid of women?
  • 16:48 Can men change or overcome these fears?
  • 22:41 - what women are taught about men by their moms
  • 23:49 Who was "Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships" written for?
  • 25:36 What did your dad teach you about women?
  • 29:26 Growing up and growing old.
  • 31:17 What is the best way for people to learn more about your work?
  • 33:21 Is there one thing you wish more men knew?

Links

Avrum Weiss PhD -- https://www.avrumweissphd.com/

Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships -- On Amazon

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Sep 02, 202234:57
Not Allowed to Die | Paws For Patrick

Not Allowed to Die | Paws For Patrick

Real Men Feel #268 Not Allowed to Die | Paws For Patrick

My guest, Dan Maigler, shares his journey from politics to lobbying, to counseling, always knowing he wanted to help people. The kids that Dan works with reminded me of myself a lot. Some of the things they express resonated deeply with me. Fair Warning: This is an open conversation on suicidal thoughts and attempts. If you are in crisis, call or chat 988 right now.

Dan is the mental health director for Paws for Patrick, a non-profit organization that connects young people with mental health issues to emotional support animals. He is also a school social worker, a therapist in private practice, and the host of the podcast Not Allowed to Die, where he explores the dilemmas he sees clients facing in his work.

We discuss topics such as contracting for safety, assessing the risk of depressed clients, and being manipulative to keep people alive. Our conversation also touches on the difference between wanting to die and wanting the pain to stop.

Paws For Patrick matters because no therapist can be there at 3 in the morning, but your dog or cat can be.

Topics and Questions

1:18 What age range of kids do you work with as a school social worker?
1:59 What got you interested in mental health work?
3:11 Did you meet politicians out to help people, but they got jaded?
4:23 You have a podcast called, Not Allowed to Die, which is one of my all-time favorite titles -- tell me the significance of that name.
6:28 Have you had kids that couldn't make that commitment? That they aren't allowed to die?
8:16 So glad kids today can openly discuss suicidal thoughts.
9:55 Do you ever talk to teens on Not Allowed to Die?
10:31 What prompted you to start the podcast?
12:13 Do you worry about your family's mental health history impacting your two sons?
15:50 What is contracting for safety?
18:06 Andy's experiences with promising to live.
19:30 Why Dan wants you to stay alive.
21:09 Parasuicide attempts. An attempt that would not be lethal.
23:11 The diminishing of people's feelings, especially men.
27:15 What does life promise us?
28:24 What is Paws for Patrick?
31:27 Dan, what's the best way to find out more about you, Not Allowed to Die and Paws for Patrick?
32:40 Is there one thing you wish more men knew?

Links

Paws for Patrick -- pawsforpatrick.org
Not Allowed to Die Podcast -- On Apple Podcasts

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Aug 26, 202234:29
Receiving Praise | Being Worthy Men

Receiving Praise | Being Worthy Men

Real Men Feel #267 8/19/22 Receiving Praise | Being Worthy Men

One of the goals of this podcast, my books, and my coaching... is to be inspiring. But whenever someone tells me I'm inspiring, I'll try to deflect it. Some of that is humility, but at times I can also notice strong resistance, an outright rejection of the praise. I might even want to argue about it. -- which is ridiculous.

This sort of experience showed up big time in my first guest appearance in about a year when I was on the In The Blood Podcast with AC Fischer and Jason Moore recently.

In the actual show, AC surprised me by saying that I was "a personal inspiration" to him. He went on to say, "Thank you so much for showing that it's okay for us to have emotions, that it doesn't detract from our masculinity, telling us that it's okay to cry, it's okay to experience the full realm of emotions. It's just okay to be us. I don't know if you really grasp how big of a thing it is that you're doing for your fellow man, Andy. I need you to know right now that you are one of my personal heroes, and I am so thrilled to have you with us today."

I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. This isn't a "look at me!" show!

Real Men Feel is about having conversations most men aren't having but that we can all benefit from. Even if it's me talking to you without being with you.

If we can't fully accept our worthiness as men... if we can't own our "maleness," to quote Jed Diamond - receiving any praise is very uncomfortable. It makes us feel like a fraud or that we have imposter syndrome.

You have value and worth simply in being. So be you. You're the best you the world could possibly have.

Let's Talk - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Aug 19, 202207:22
Moonshot Mission for Mankind & Humanity

Moonshot Mission for Mankind & Humanity

Real Men Feel #266 Moonshot Mission for Mankind & Humanity

Research shows that men live sicker and die sooner than women. Dr. Jed Diamond is on a mission to change that. His moonshot mission focusing on men's mental health could save 375,000 lives each year in the United States alone.

My Guest, Jed Diamond, is one of the world's leading experts in Gender Medicine and Men's Health. He has written sixteen books, including international best-sellers Surviving Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome. Most importantly, Jed is a teacher, mentor, and friend, and I am thrilled to connect with him again.

When looking at risk factors for disease and early death, the number one risk factor is being male. Saving males is a worthy goal.

Topics and Questions

1:50 Is challenge constant?
3:20: What is the purpose of your Moonshot Mission?
4:56 If we could help men live as healthy and long as women, we would save 375K men's lives per year in the United States.
9:20 You've said that healing men will do more good than curing cancer. Can you explain that?
11:30 Is this about only extending men's lives or also improving them?
13:24 What makes being male so deadly?
15:50 Men die sooner and live sicker due to our behaviors.
17:40 Many of these improved behaviors are well known. What keeps us from making these positive changes?
22:42 What does this African proverb mean to you?
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."
25:00 The rise of authoritarianism.
25:53 The ease of going into blame mode.
29:26 Tell me about the book you are working on.
31:35 Jed, what's the best way to learn more about you and this moonshot mission?
32:37: Is there one habit, practice, or program you want to share?


Links

Connect with Jed Diamond

menalive.com

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Aug 12, 202236:04
Don't Always Push : 3 Life Lessons

Don't Always Push : 3 Life Lessons

Real Men Feel #265 8/6/22 Don't Always Push | 3 Life Lessons

Over the past two weeks, I've done a lot of clutter clearing and overall cleanup. My home can get pretty nasty after ignoring it for over half a year, but I attacked the basement and garage today. I started with the basement, liberated the world's most ignored furnace filter, and then on to the garage - clearing trash, cobwebs, and random garage shit.

I was sweeping the floor with a push broom — I pushed so hard that I snapped the handle. I could have gotten pissed, angry, stormed off to buy another one, or started throwing shit around… but I laughed. I said, nice one, Universe — maybe I've been pushing too hard. So operation garage cleanup is left at about 75% complete, and I'm fine with that.

One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements.
Get your copy at https://amzn.to/3BMeBbL
The agreements are.

  1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
  2. Don't Take Anything Personally
  3. Don't Make Assumptions
  4. Always Do Your Best

Now, if you just have them memorized or know them from a magnet, you could run into challenges. In the book, the nuances are explained more. Always Do Your Best, for example, sounds lovely, but the truth is your best will change from day to day, from moment to moment. Your best when you are tired, hungry, or sick is nothing close to your best when you are healthy, vibrant, and loving life.

Your best is not some static setting; it varies. Some days my best is walking away from a broken broom handle.

When I publicly came out of 8 months of withdrawal and darkness last month, one type of comment struck me at how often it was stated. "I've been feeling the same way" and "You are not alone."

Why do we hide our pain from each other? Every human being has challenges, wounds, and struggles. Yet we often believe nobody is supposed to know that. WHATEVER you are going through, other people feel like you do, other people are dealing with that same thing -- but they keep it to themselves.

Let it out.

We are here to support each other. I don't believe life is a competition.

Let's Talk - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Links

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Aug 06, 202206:31
Love You, Bro
Jul 30, 202207:04
Reaching Out & Being Ignored

Reaching Out & Being Ignored

Real Men Feel 263 7/22/22 Reaching Out -- Being Ignored

One thing that struck me after my 8-month-long withdrawal from life was how many told me that they noticed I was quiet and wondered what was up. Some said I'd been on their mind, yet they didn't reach out. Some said they energetically reached out but were quickly shut down.

When I did finally speak up and share, the number of people who said that I'd been on their mind or that they considered reaching out but didn't… made me wonder why that is.

I think part of it is the way that polite society tells us not to feel - that negative emotions are bad, keep your shit to yourself, and suck it up.

Never take being ignored personally. A response, or lack thereof, is entirely upon the mindset and energy level of the individual. You may want them to feel better, connected, and alive more than they do at that moment.

Perhaps we are all responsible for keeping each other going. Let that be the point of social media.

We are all in this together. So trust those little hunches and give the people that pop into your head a quick check-in. You might find yourself feeling good.

Support this podcast → https://anchor.fm/realmenfeel/support
Book a call with Andy → https://theandygrant.com/talk
#RealMenFeel

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Jul 23, 202209:00
Thinking I Want to Die
Jul 15, 202215:22
WTF Happened? Where Is Andy?
Jul 07, 202219:02
Emotions Are a Superpower for Men

Emotions Are a Superpower for Men

“So many of us grew up with male emotion just being an explosion rather than an expression,” says Charles Matheus, author and Mankind Project facilitator. In today's episode, Charles describes how men’s emotions are frequently neglected and explains how a different approach to emotions can give men powerful spaces to be fully authentic.

Charles dives deep into a common masculinity trope: men who rarely express their emotions sober. Instead, men wait until they are inebriated and let their emotions out in unhealthy and unproductive ways. Charles is working to break down this cultural trope and teach men how to deal with emotions in everyday life. His goal is to make a full range of emotional expressions in men the norm, instead of occasional, unhealthy outbursts.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Charles Matheus about creating powerful spaces and healthy emotional outlets for men. Learn how to look at emotions like a superpower, why vulnerability is a crucial mental GPS, and what the definition of Man Box culture is.

Quotes

• "I'm not actually interested in creating safe spaces anymore, but creating powerful spaces." (02:05-02:08 | Charles Matheus)

• “Men have this opportunity now to get together with other men in particular, I think that's the place on this podcast, in their own men's groups, reading groups, whatever it is, to make some mistakes with one another, as we figure out a way to create those inclusive, powerful spaces at work, at home, at church, you know, wherever it is, but we got to talk about it.” (05:19-05:40 | Charles Matheus)

• “So many of us grew up with the male expressions of emotion just being an explosion rather than an expression.” (09:54-10:03 | Charles Matheus)

• “When we can be clean and clear with one another, it creates connection.” (16:23-16:27 | Charles Matheus)

• “Testosterone is not a dominance chemical. That's the main problem with that biological explanation. It is a fierceness chemical. But we can be fierce together, and we can be fierce authentically, and we can be fierce in community.” (30:36-30:53 | Charles Matheus)

• “There's no equality on a ladder.” (32:32-32:33 | Charles Matheus)

• “Let's be authentic, full and powerful in ways that don't take power away from other people.” (33:03-33:05 | Charles Matheus)

• "The universe is expanding, we must too." (42:25-42:28 | Andy Grant)


Links

Connect with Charles Matheus:

www.charlesmatheus.com

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Oct 26, 202145:33
Building a Resilient Culture

Building a Resilient Culture

“What is resiliency?” Andy Grant asks Resilient Culture Specialist, Jodi Woelkerling. Jodi is a coach and author who works with individuals and business leaders to help them build resilient cultures and individuals. In today’s episode, Jodi and Andy have a topical discussion about the importance of stress management and how it goes hand in hand with resilience training.

Jodi explains her three-level process to helping her clients build resilience skills. She begins with level one, which highlights your body's natural reaction to stress, also known as fight or flight. Jodi explains the importance of recognition in this step, specifically through diverting your body away from physiological responses. She then explains level two: staying in a state of calm. Instead of being constantly on edge, Jodi encourages clients to practice staying in a state of calmness to prevent stressful outbursts. Lastly, Jodi dives into level three, which is recognizing that 95% of our behavior stems from the subconscious mind and we must dig into our traumas to reach full resilience.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Jodi Woelkerling about welcoming resilience into our lives. Learn about the differences between how men and women deal with stress, how resilience has shown its face in the pandemic in both negative and positive ways, and what the actual definition of resilience really is!

Quotes

• “The starting point is always recognizing in yourself when you are being affected by stress.” (7:55-8:02)

• “In terms of lifestyle, the three basics are sleep, diet and exercise….People really underestimate the effects of those on our ability to deal with the stressors in our life.”  (13:22-13:28)

• “Find ways that you can process and move through [a negative emotion] rather than suppressing it, so that it doesn’t become blocked in you and it doesn’t become an underlying bubbling away under the surface.” (14:45-15:04)

• “95% of our behavior is from the subconscious mind.” (17:15-17:20)

• “There might have been a message that people picked up when they were a child that said ‘If I ask for help, it shows I'm weak.’ This is a common one that men experience.” (19:35-19:55)

• “From a cultural perspective, resilience is norms and leadership.” (26:55-27:01)

• “Some people are triggered more than others by stressors because of underlying beliefs and perceptions.” (28:58-29:05)

• “When I am working with foundations and leaders, the first step is always developing their own resilience.” (30:30-30:35)

Links

Connect with Jodi Woelkerling:

Website | www.jodiwoelkerling.com

LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilient-culture-consultant/

Youtube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK33Zq1qaMAjqzVhgXiKORQ

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/JodiWoelkerlingEnterprises

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Oct 19, 202138:10
Men Connecting With Men

Men Connecting With Men

“Men are fixers. We think we need to know how to fix everything. I tell the men pretty much every week that we are not here to fix each other,” explains Alan Cantor, Spiritual Guide, Transformational Coach, and Founder of The Surround Men’s Group. Alan Cantor has dedicated his life to creating a vision for children to live in a better world, and that starts with men. He believes there are three core concepts to improving a man’s life – connection, trust and listening.

Alan opens up about his father dying when he was young and the effect it had on his understanding of manliness. Alan’s father was in many fraternal groups and seeing his father so passionate about connecting with other men made Alan want to connect on that same level. Alan looks at the wisdom his father gave him before passing as a gift that allows him to communicate, listen and understand men effectively. Now, Alan runs a very successful men’s group, The Surround, where men come together to better each other and themselves by listening, connecting and trusting one another.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Alan Cantor about embracing the positives of being a man. Learn what is appropriate to say to younger boys about manliness, how to accept that your emotions make you stronger, and how to take opportunities to become a better man. Plus, check out Alan’s recommended video The Nail in your Forehead linked below!

Quotes

• “We are all interconnected.” (12:56-12:59)

• “It’s really one energy that we are representing and living out.” (13:15-13:18)

• “Fear is the basic emotion of men, the basic feeling. It’s where men drive their lives from.” (16:47-16:54)

• “The most terrible words you can say to a boy is, ‘Be a man.’” (18:07-18:12)

• “We don’t just walk up to another man and go, ‘Hey! Let me tell you about my marriage.’” (23:05-23:12)

• “Men are fixers. We think we need to know how to fix everything. I tell the men pretty much every week that we are not here to fix each other. There is no way we can fix each other. I am not qualified to fix anybody. You’re not qualified. We just cannot do it.” (23:30-23:50)

• “Commitment before ego.” (27:00-27:04)

• “We who lead men, it's on us to get what we need from other men.” (32:15-32:20)

Links

Connect with Alan Cantor:

Website | thesurround.org

Email | alancontr@gmail.com

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/TheSurround/

Check out Alan’s video recommendation: The Nail in Your Forehead | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Episode 258, October 12, 2021
Support this podcast → https://anchor.fm/realmenfeel/support
Book a call with Andy → https://theandygrant.com/talk
#RealMenFeel
realmenfeel.org

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Oct 12, 202135:01
Positive Change in a Socially Distant World

Positive Change in a Socially Distant World

“Change is a good thing,” says Rick Ornelas, Positive Change Expert, Author and Founder of I Spark Change. On this episode of Real Men Feel, guest Rick Ornelas explains the importance of maintaining a positive attitude, looking at life with a glass-half-full mentality, and acknowledging that change is not always a negative thing.

Rick introduces the positive mindset of learning to adapt, grow and overcome obstacles, even if they are uncontrollables. He preaches about the insignificance of “being right” if it means sacrificing your happiness and the happiness of those around you. Rick also opens up about the inspiration behind his book 12 hours of Heaven, in which he tells the story of a terrifying car accident and the touching miracle that accompanied it.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Rick Ornelas about embracing positive change. Learn about the importance of allowing change into your life, accepting your emotional side and the balance between being right and being happy. Plus, check out Rick Ornelas’s book 12 Hours of Heaven linked below!


Quotes

• “We learn to adapt. We learn to become better in many situations. We learn to grow and overcome obstacles. Change is a good thing.” (03:56-04:09 | Rick Ornelas)

• “We are designed to respond to negative stimulus far quicker than to positive stimulus.” (07:40-07:50 | Rick Ornelas)

• “If [life] was flat, it’d be boring. Like, who wants to go on a flat rollercoaster? It’d be so slow and there wouldn’t be any excitement.” (17:06-17:15) | Rick Ornelas)

• “All men were wearing the thickest, fakest mask long before the pandemic.” (28:45-29:55 | Andy Grant)

• “There are people that are working to make the world better.” (39:08-39:11 | Rick Ornelas)

• “Men can be vulnerable and they can be authentic”. (46:00-46:05 | Rick Ornelas)


Connect with Rick Ornelas:

Website: https://isparkchange.com/

Check out Rick's book, 12 Hours of Heaven: Lessons for a Better World https://amzn.to/3FkbVBN

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/isparkchange/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/i_spark_change/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/isparkchange/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVxszC0wtIG4XxUOiFrHUqQ


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel


Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Oct 05, 202153:05
Navigating The Messy World of Dating

Navigating The Messy World of Dating

“The truth is a lot of people just need to be heard,” says Kimberly Hill, Dating and Relationship Coach. Kimberly explains her not-so direct path to her current position. She started out her career overseas in the world of finance and was one of two women on a floor of 100 men. Kimberly explains how being around men, observing their lives and being their point person with relationship and life issues introduced her to her current career path.

Kimberly describes the complex emotions that men often grapple with when dating and explains the two relationship coaching styles that she uses with men who are looking for support. Kimberly also opens up about her past with male partners and how patience, affirmations and allowing for vulnerability are extremely important when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship, especially with a male partner.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Kimberly Hill about listening to your male partner's needs. Learn about the importance of embracing your authentic self, how to overcome an anxious attachment style in relationships, and why the word “soulmate” might prevent someone from knowing if their partner is actually right for them.


Quotes

• “The truth is a lot of people just need to be heard.” (6:55-6:57)

• “I believe that everybody wants to feel loved and connected.” (7:38-7:43)

• “What is authenticity to you and why does it matter in dating?” “What is it to me? It's not supposed to be complicated. It’s just being yourself. If there is something you like or don't like, it’s being brave enough to share that, even if it goes against the crowd. And that leads into vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't just about sharing your emotions. Vulnerability is also walking up to a woman and asking her out knowing you could be rejected. Vulnerability is also disagreeing with your partner. Vulnerability means so many things, so it’s essential that not only are you being yourself, but you are acting yourself too and I think that’s where vulnerability comes in.” (14:05- 14:52)

• “Learning to be yourself and be okay with it is what's gonna get you success and the right relationship.” (15:20-15:26)

• “I wish more men knew they were awesome and they should really value themselves!” (35:54-36:00)


Links

Connect with Kimberly Hill:

http://www.kimberlyninahill.com/

https://instagram.com/kimberlyninahill

Download the Dating Handbook For Men and get access to Kimberly’s best dating secrets:  https://kimberlyninahill.kartra.com/page/datewithconfidence


Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel


Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Sep 28, 202144:05
Regular Guy Chat with Billy

Regular Guy Chat with Billy

“Value family over everything, over everything,” says Billy Potter, the Zen Plumber. On today’s episode, host Andy Grant and special guest Billy dive into the intricacies of families and how unconditional love trumps all. They dive deep on the many ways a father’s role during childhood can dramatically impact our perception of the world.

Billy opens up about his father’s drug problems and how substance abuse may test a family, but does not prevent them from coming out stronger in the end. He explains that the strongest and toughest men will always maintain a soft spot for their children, which he relates to today, having three children of his own. Billy shares the most important lessons he has learned from his father and how he has grown as a person because of them. He now refers to his father as the best man he has ever known.

Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Billy Potter about seeing the best in your father, understanding the importance of feeling safe and loved in your family unit, and why valuing family over everything is the motto so many people live by.

Quotes
• “People are more valuable than stuff and things.” (4:10-4:13)

• “Are there some specific things you can name that you learned from your father?” “To value family over everything, over everything, you know, money and stuff and that kind of junk. When I say family, there are many friends that are right in that circle I'd drop anything for.” (12:59-13:24)

• “My dad, for the tough guy that he was, he hugged us all the time.” (20:55-20:58)

• “It was true unconditional love going both ways.” (21:45-21:50)

• “We were drowned in Disney movies, my dad was a fanatic. Pollyanna is an old classic Disney, if you've ever seen it. I mean it's an old one. Before my time even, I think. But I remember watching that time and time again, and maybe the whole positive thing comes from… There is a thing called the Glad Game in that movie. Alright, and whenever things are bad, you just gotta find a reason, gotta find the good in it. You gotta find a reason to be glad you are in whatever situation you are in. And I always think of that whenever… Cuz people say that to me all the time.” (23:20-24:03)

• “I wish more men knew that there was more value in them than just working.” (35:43-35:46)

Links
Connect with Billy Potter:
https://www.facebook.com/billy.potter.33671

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant
Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!
YouTube | Real Men Feel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Sep 21, 202145:18
Ensuring Men Have a Voice
Aug 31, 202143:48