Rear Pew Mirror

Every day is some number of shopping days til Chanukah!

Instead of braving after-Christmas sales, or any sales ever, you can benefit from the return of our first-annual Chanukah Gift Guide. To keep it simple for you, it has just one item in it.

Completely unrelated... We have a new book! Rear Pew Mirror: Reflections From the Back of the Sanctuary is now available in paperback and Kindle. It's the first collection based on our column (just like this podcast!), with 29 satirical selections for your escapist entertainment.

For more information and links from which to purchase, go to https://rearpewmirror.com/, or hunt around on Amazon.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#Dreidel

#Chanukah

#Hanukkah

Who named the weekly Torah readings? What were they thinking? Not about clarity of the readings' contents, that's for sure.

Join us as we explore the names of the five books of the Torah and the names of each weekly parshah. After this, anything else in the Torah will be far more comprehensible by comparison.

Also... We have a book! Rear Pew Mirror: Reflections From the Back of the Sanctuary is now available in paperback and Kindle. It's the first collection based on our column, with 29 satirical selections for your escapist entertainment. For more information, go to https://rearpewmirror.com/, or hunt around on Amazon.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#Parshah

#Torah

Whether we realize it or not, Jews pray multiple times every day for zombies to rise up. It's true. Listen to find out exactly where. And how it relates to tea.

After completing Rosh Hashanah, and looking ahead to Yom Tzom Kippur, one wonders how can someone be sealed in The Book of Life if they're a zombie, and if a zombie eating human brains violates the fast on Yom Kippur. These and many other questions won't be answered in this exciting episode, but a few will.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), the first thing Hebrew readers look at since it's the back page feature.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#YomKippur

#Zombie

#ZombieApocalypse

#JewishSpaceLaser

#Golem

The home magazine for the column on which this podcast is based – Southern Jewish Life – is vastly expanding its coverage region, from East Texas to the Carolinas. In honor of that, this episode explores the surprising similarities between The South (American) and The Southern Kingdom (ancient Israel).

Grab your Moon Pies and Golden Flake, and find out what they and many other Southernisms have in common with the southern Kingdom of Judah from 2500 years ago. You're gonna be surprised.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), the first thing Hebrew readers look at since it's the back page feature.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#KingdomOfJudah

#GoldenFlake

#MoonPies

What if the raiders of the lost ark weren't pursuing the Ark of the Covenant, rather a different Ark of biblical proportions?

Wonder no more, as you can hear here just how similar the story might have been!

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), the first thing read by Hebrew readers since it's the back page feature.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#NoahsArk

#IndianaJones

#RaidersOfTheLostArk

Once again, we've got an episode based not on the Rear Pew Mirror humor column, but on an actual yes-they-let-him sermon. Once again, lightning didn't strike the sanctuary, but listen at your own risk.

The Torah reading on June 17, 2023 was primarily about the twelve spies sent into the Promised Land by M(oses), with only two spies giving optimistic reports (including Joshua, which much like James Bond, wasn't his real name) and the remaining minyan of minions reporting out of fear rather than faith. But you should have faith, not fear, that you'll hear three actual, legitimate, brief rabbinic commentaries as well as how all this relates to the San Francisco Giants, James Bond, Star Trek III, Bobby Zimmerman, and the Almighty Himself, George Burns.

Confused? You won't be after this episode of the Rear Pew Mirror podcast.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), though you can't hold it against them, by contract. Unless your contractions are fewer than two minutes apart.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#Spies

#JamesBond

#ShelachLecha

#MosheChafetz

#Sermon

#Drash

#DvarTorah

This episode is loaded, as it unloads on the phenomenon of mass shootings. Fresh from the recently discovered biblical book of Donteronomy comes a familiar-sounding story which helps illustrate the line between sense and nonsense, and the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of staying not dead, and its ever-increasing mitigation – the right to bear arms.

When there's no right time to discuss a subject that merits discussion, any time becomes the right time – otherwise it happens at no time.

Trigger warning: This episode is not for the faint of human heart. Actually, that's who it's for the most of all.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#MassShootings

#2A

#WellRegulated

This year, Passover's First Seder and Star Trek's First Contact Day fall on the same day. Of course, there are special ways to celebrate.

First Contact Day is exactly forty years away, much like the Promised Land was for the Israelites leaving Egypt before the bakeries opened. Nevertheless, the Vulcans have had a presence on Earth for generations in the form of the world's largest cast-iron statue.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#Passover

#Pesach

#Vulcan

#MoonOverHomewood

#FirstSeder

#FirstContactDay

#StarTrek

The biblical prohibition against mixing wool and linen is called Shatnez. Fortunately, there’s no Shatnez for bartenders mixing shots of these all-new Israel-inspired cocktails. From a Jerusalemoncello to a Chocolatinetivot, there's something for everyone (who drinks) no matter what their favorite part of the Promised Land proves to be.

Please listen responsibly. Don't drink and daven.

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

#JewishCocktails

Bo Jackson knows football and baseball, but does Bo know Diddley about the portion of the book of Exodus that's in Hebrew called Bo?

Either way, here's a recently uncovered biblical chapter that recounts one of the greatest turnabouts to ever occur on a field of battle. Known by some as "Wrong Way Bo," these 21 verses reveal the divine source that recaps this rousing Roll Tide victory in the 1984 Iron Bowl.

#CrimsonTide

#RollTide

#BoJackson

#IronBowl

#RearPewMirror

#JewishHumor

Rav Kook was the first Ashkenazi chief rabbi during the British mandate period in the early Twentieth Century before the modern state of Israel was founded and changed the name to Twentieth Century Fox.

Nobody (including him) realizes that, as his name suggests, Rav Kook was also a gourmet. Maimonides wrote his Guide for the Perplexed, and Rav Kook provided his never-before-seen (even now) Guide to Simcha Dining.

He emphasized unusual food choices – often for occasions that usually aren't associated with food at all. Not that he would suggest to eat on a fast day, but listen here to hear how he'd cater to catering the meals surrounding Yom Kippur, the Tenth of Tevet, and other days where menus usually aren't on the menu.

#JewishHumor #RearPewMirror #Simcha #JewishFood

It's the Year of the Rabbit in that other lunar calendar. Due to a contractual typo, this episode's planned Ask the Rabbi feature is instead a chance to Ask the Rabbit.

Hear the world's greatest Rabbitic authority providing answers to actual Judaic questions in Amazon Alexa – many of which the moderators found too good to include, so you can hear them only here. For those who read the column, you can hear several bonus answers to questions that might not seem Judaically related, but are.

Amazon is not directly responsible for any of this, nor is it pre-endorsed by any particularly tall women.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), though by contractual stipulation you can't hold it against them.

#YearOfTheRabbit #AskTheRabbi #AskAlexa #Alabama #JewishHumor #RearPewMirror #AmazonAlexa

The world recently lost one of its longest-lived royals, with the laying to rest of the Queen of England. People forget that Judaism has its own history of monarchs. Of course, there's the King of Kings – but even before Elvis there was also the Big G. And in between, until a couple of millennia ago, the kingdoms of Judah and Israel had their own mortal monarchs – including the reign of a queen! And when she reigned, it poured.

Here are a few of their more obscure or absurd stories – the kinds they usually skipped in Sunday School even, for those who didn't skip Sunday School. Though if school hadn't skipped stories like this, fewer students might have skipped school.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), though by contractual stipulation you can't hold it against them.

#JewishHumor #Monarchy #KingdomOfJudah #Ataliah #Queen

The Talmud teaches that comedy works in threes. For the third time, we've got an episode based not on my Rear Pew Mirror humor column, but on my actual yes-they-let-me sermon from Thanksgiving, Shabbat Yom Turkey (November 26, 2022). Once again, lightning didn't strike and the synagogue's insurance coverage remains intact.

It's about Thanksgiving. It's about the Torah reading that week, Toldot, from the birth of Jacob and Esau through Jacob's fleeing after taking the birthright and blessing of the first born. It's about multiple meanings, the space between sides, and using things responsibly. It's about the commentary of an Eighteenth Century rabbi from Venice who actively used wordplay and didn't wear a kippah. It's just a bit about Star Trek, Billy Joel, Victor Borge, and the Alabama Crimson Tide. It's about twenty-eight minutes.

Confused? You won't be after this episode of the Rear Pew Mirror podcast.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), though by contractual stipulation you can't hold it against them.

#JewishHumor #Thanksgiving #RearPewMirror #YomTurkey #Toldot #Patriarchs #Matriarchs #MosheChafetz

Faster than you can rename your Chanukiah to Chanukleah in honor of the recent successful test of nuclear fusion, and just in time for Chanukah, Hannukah, Channukkah, or however search engines will find this... This exciting episode delves into the special Chanukah dishes added to the traditional Chinese-food Seder on December 24th when the eternally moving-around secular calendar makes this delectable dinner overlap Chanukah, as it does this year. 

Also, here hear the true story of what actually lasted eight times longer than it should have – the real Maccabean miracle that happened there.

Rear Pew Mirror is the longtime humor column in Southern Jewish Life magazine (sjlmag.com), though by contractual stipulation you can't hold it against them.

#JewishHumor #Chanukah #Hannukah #RearPewMirror #Maccabee #Latke #ChineseFood

As Thanksgiving nears and turkeys are begging us to Eat Mor Chikin, or even Mor Cowz, it's a fine time to reflect on all our fine feathered friends. Birds of prey aren't kosher, yet praying is always kosher, so what gives?

Find out this and little else as you hear how college football, the Torah, several classic rock icons, synagogues, Edgar Allen Poe, and Star Trek can all relate to each other within the same seven minutes.

How did the biblical icons we learned about in religious school first hook up? Couldn't religious school have taught us that instead? And what can we learn from them about dating today.

In honor of Tu B'Av (sometimes known for its secular variant on February 14th), we answer these questions and less. Yes, it's just in time for Yom Kippur, but Tu B'Av and Yom Kippur are uniquely related. How is that possible? Listen and find out...

Sandals have a long, fascinating history dating back to biblical times.

However, due to a typo in some paperwork, this episode instead delves into biblical scandals. If you want a normal exploration, listen to the Torah. We look at the notorious and lesser-knowntorious scandals as they'd be portrayed in modern times – a gateway drug to exploring them in more depth.

If you're going to listen to anything about scandals today – and it's hard to avoid – this is the alternative you'll actually enjoy!

The World Games arrive in July (2022). 3,600 athletes. 100 countries. Over 30 of "the fastest growing sports in the world."

A few sports are different for every World Games. Some are considered and don’t make it.

This episode is about a variety of Jewish sports that didn't make it, partly because they were never considered. 

They might not be right for the World Games, the Olympics, or even the Maccabiah. Yet. But if they're good enough for ESPN18 – "The Chai" then they're good enough for your listening enjoyment for the next nine minutes. 

You might even go gaga over some of them.

Banning books has gotten trendy. Again. To remove literature that's considered ocularly odoriferous, the bans roll on. 

Fortunately, this episode not only reviews many subjects that some deem offensive, it provides a time-saving way to ban all these subjects quickly and with little effort – since time is sacred to folks sparing themselves from the hours that reading can take, even when they don't have to sound out all the words.

For the second time, we've got an episode based not on my Rear Pew Mirror humor column, but on my actual yes-they-let-me sermon from the first day of Passover (April 16, 2022). It's a special one, as it was my first sermon in my hometown since my bar mitzvah. They let me back in, and didn't kick me right back out.

Also, instead of being about any of the many Passover-related things in the Passover Torah reading, it's about another subject entirely. In fact, it's entirely about "the other" – the Eirev Rav, the mixed multitude, making their only named appearance in the entire Bible. And about football. And Star Trek.

Hear how close I teetered to causing a lightning strike on a sunny spring day. And how any image you conjure of "sermon" ain't what people get from me. 

Confused? You won't be after this episode of the Rear Pew Mirror podcast.

In late March and early April, Jews everywhere brace themselves for a major religious occurrence that happens around this time every year: The start of baseball season.

It's also when the weekly Torah readings reach the book of Leviticus, which has as much story as a one-sentence novel. What do baseball and Leviticus have in common? Sacrifices. And almost nothing to do with Passover.

What's better than one holiday where it's traditional to drink and drink, until we drink some more? Two of them at once!

In 2022, St. Patrick's Day falls on Purim. They have more in common than meets the eye, especially if the eye is glazed over from two holidays' worth of drinking. For the first time anywhere, unless it's somewhere else, listen here for some of the special rules, traditions, and baked goods associated with the convergence of these two celebrations that see millions of people drink til they're baked.

Why is this basketball season different from all other seasons? Look no further than the men's team at Yeshiva University, where those mighty Maccabees spent over a month ranked number one in the country. (Yes, this country.)

Listen here for all the details, except for the many we left out. How many ways is the number fifty significant to this Maccabean feat? How many variations can we come up with for the team's name? And just what are the rules if a kippah falls off a player's head during game action? Press Play to find out if you'll find the real answers here, or just funnier ones.

For our minyan (or baker's minyan) episode, we're providing a different kind of service. Based on my actual yes-they-let-me Rosh Hashanah sermon (January 1, 2022), this episode wades through Rodney Dangerfield, Crimson Tide football, Buck Rogers, the first seven plagues in Egypt (it's parshat Va'eira, early in Exodus), and more... 

...to see how the Torah is far more relevant today, and every year we reread it, than we might realize. 

...and how everyone today engages in Talmudic discourse – if they realize it or not – whether about Star Wars, Shakespeare, Harry Potter, or the infield fly rule.

Betty White, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Tu B'Shevat. What do they all have in common? In 2022, they all share January 17th. 

Listen here to how Betty White z''l actually reached her hundredth birthday after all, the real reason why a people with so much history in the desert put their Arbor Day in the middle of winter, and much more (more or less).

December 24th dinner is Chinese food. Is this really a modern concept, or does it come from the Torah? Mainly, though, this exciting episode samples the long-lost Talmudic laws of the fortune cookie that help ensure your fortune comes true. 

Do I read the fortune and then eat the cookie, or eat then read? What if the cookie's empty? Or broken? What if the fortune's torn? Listen here and you'll be better prepared to make your fortune cookie fortunes come true. More or less.

How can Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Fiddler on the Roof, WKRP, Queen, and Star Trek have anything in common? These and several other odds and ends converge when Thanksgiving and Chanukah are brought into proximity with each other – in ways one could never expect. Unless you're listening to this for the second time. By the way, there are also Maccabees, elephants, doughnuts, and Ringo.

The Talmud says, "find yourself a teacher." But, for this group of religious school students, is that (to quote the Torah) "a blessing and a curse?" Decide for yourself as you listen here to real, actual interactions between various 5th - 7th graders and the teacher they found. These are the leaders of tomorrow. Should we weep for the future? Should we let them rule the world right now? Or should we just call an emergency meeting of the synagogue's Board of Directors? 

(No students were harmed in the making of this podcast.)

What do you get when you combine Jewish holidays from opposite ends of the year? Find out about Rosh HaPesach, Yom KipPurim, Shemini Ha'Atzma'ut, and several other recently discovered Talmudic holidays you'll never hear about anywhere else – for good reason.

What do the Wayans Brothers, The Rolling Stones, Air Supply, The Blues Brothers, KC and the Sunshine Band, and The Beatles all have in common? The holiday of Sukkot. Hold onto your lulav while we shake you out of your preconceived notions, with the heretofore untold true origin of the Jewish holiday of booths.

On Yom Kippur, Jews confess their sins communally in a Hebrew alphabetical acrostic – with a catchy tune and chest-thumping percussion line – that's never before been translated accurately. Until now.

With the High Holy Days approaching, 'tis the season of good wishes for the new year. So, here are timely wishes for you that you won't hear in synagogue, which are good for Rosh Hashanah or anytime!

Rosh Hashanah approaches, as do the sounds of the season, including the shofar as you've never heard it before.

A quick hello to let you know what to expect here... At least, what we intended going in.