Remodeled Love

Alternative episode title: Famous Last Words

In this episode, The Daylovers (Jes, Joe, and Ash) talk about: 

*what Datty is learning in polyamory (fear of trying and failing at finding compatible partners),

*what Ash is learning about parenthood and co-parenting (letting go of attachment, not trying to immediately nip things in the bud or cast judgment, learning to pause...),

*what Jes is learning in polyamory, which she breaks down to what she is learning through each of her partners:

    >>with Joe: are we "just" gay best friends? 

    >>with Dr. M: learning to lean into my fear of my partner's expansion, which is really just fear of my own,

    >>with Loverboy: (GASP. WHO IS LOVERBOY?? Find out inside this episode!)

Most heatedly, they talk about the dreadful art of "Downplaying" after Joe accuses Jes of downplaying her connection with Loverboy. Downplaying in polyamory can be a really contentious topic. Downplaying can be: pretending that new connections don’t have a sexual or romantic vibe when they actually do, dampening one's excitement or hope about a new connection, dampening how you actually feel about a new connection, downplaying the possibilities of what may come, etc...

This convo gets real and honest as fuck, and we're excited to bring y'all into the room with us and how we work through conflict/call each other out on our bullshit.

In this episode: Joe finds out Ash is having an affair with Dr. M('s pores), we talk about our journey to get Ash qualified for FMLA as a polyamorous family, and we discuss, in depth, our favorite punctuation.

We also talk about what Jes and Joe are individually learning in the world of parenthood right now, and Ash shares what they are learning in the world of polyamory.

There's also some other stuff about sex parties, autistic embarrassment around being "too eager", and village growing pains.

***

This is by far the best and most unhinged episode we've ever recorded and we're worried we may never top it. (We will.)

It's honestly all over the place and we're not sure how to summarize it, but we talk about: age gap relationships, sleeping arrangements, Jes's new orgasm discovery she calls "bass orgasms", how Ash loves to listen through the vent to Jes and Dr. M boning, why Ash's pants were at half mast in the preview photo, what it's like living with partners who have boundaries around how they help with the parenting, and what you do with the thumb you just pulled out of your lover's booty...

There's also lots and lots of roasting of each other and this episode ended with everyone in tears from laughing so hard.

In this episode The Daylovers (all 4 of them!) try to catch you up on everything that happened in 2023, which was both the best and worst year of their lives. This is the first episode recorded as a nested polycule, including the notorious Dr. M!

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When we left off 6 months ago (holy shit), it was right before Jessica's birthday orgy and Joe was about to meet his long distance lover, Ash, for the first time. Well, now it's 6 months later and YOU get to meet her...cuz she lives here now. And she's the best thing to ever happen to our little family.

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In this episode, Jessica and Joe talk about how hard it was to get this episode made, the chaos created when you move two partners into your small home within a year, how hard it is to purge your home, and what the fuck is a Roth IRA. 

You may know Emily, Dedeker, and Jase as the hosts of the world-renown podcast, Multiamory. And now you can officially add 'authors' to their bio lines! Dropping May 23rd, 2023 (though available for pre-order today), "Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships" is a curated collection of the most popular communication tools, advice, and wisdom from the Multiamory podcast that have helped thousands of listeners improve their communication and create healthy relationships. In this book, you’ll learn how to: Get what you need out of conversations with your partner with the Triforce of Communication, create Microscripts that will interrupt old patterns, diffuse tension, and form better communication habits, set up a regular RADAR check-in to support the long-term health of all of your relationships, determine your unique processing style, and how it may be clashing with your partner’s, process and reconnect after an argument with Repair SHOP, and more!

Breaking up is hard to do. In this episode of Remodeled Love, Jessica talks with one of her favorite polyam podcasters, ashe danger phoenix of the Dear Jessamyn podcast. They discuss why lesbian breakups take so long, and is there a way to make them shorter; can we discuss breakups with someone before entering into a relationship with them, the difference between low stakes breakups, ghosting, and breakups that rip your heart out--how to see them coming, how to lean into it, and how to stay conscious during the death. 

Polyamory inherently forces the need to get good at breakups, simply by the nature of the fact that you end up dating so many more folks. Getting "good" at breakups is a powerful muscle to build on this path.

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Producers: Jessica Levity, Homeslice Productions

In this episode The Daylovers catch you up on all things Remodeled Love, including some yummy new support groups. changes in the structure of their personal+professional life intersections, and some exciting visions for the future. They also share some Hot Goss (the hottest goss they've ever had), aka: Jes's upcoming birthday orgy, and some delicious new elements to her relationship with her boyfriend...and quite possibly the most exciting development ever for Joe. The episode ends with Joe sharing his existential dread around the nature of higher ed, and Jes and Joe answer a lister question about seeking clarity in a relationship.

***

Producers: Jessica Levity, Homeslice Productions

Intro song: Rachael McIlhiney covering Hozier

***

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In the kickoff to Season 3 of the "Remodeled Love" podcast, Jes chats with the creator of and artist over at @Shrimpteeth, Sam. 

There are several arguments against the presence of the "peer support" model in the polyamorous digital sphere:the potential for the abuse of power, the fact that there's no board to report abuse to, no official training or accreditation for "coaches", the charging of money, etc. 

But how does peer support actually work? Jes and Sam break down their backgrounds, how they personally show up in the peer support space, the issues they come across, how peer support makes these essential services accessible and inclusive, and why it's essential for anyone offering peer support to know their scope and have a fall out plan. 

***

Producers: Jessica Levity, Homeslice Productions

Intro song: Rachael McIlhiney covering Hozier

***

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In this episode of Remodeled, Jes chats with a brilliant and diverse group of polyamorous men, some of whom you may recognize as popular content creators in the polyamorous digital sphere. Joining Mr. Daylover at the table is our good friend Wade (remember him from Season 1??), Albert of @Polymananswers & @Albah.Love (and Jes' comet partner in Sacramento), and Bear of @Bear.n.Fifi.

Jes asks the guys what they've noticed as polyamorous men, as well as polyam peer support specialists, around the struggles of polyamorous and poly-curious men to recognize, feel, process, and receive help around the emotions that dudes must confront on this path. The group dives deep into some vulnerable and powerful intersectionalities, and unpack some of their own, deepest emotional struggles. 

Topics covered include: toxic masculinity, race, sobriety, trans identities, demisexuality, bisexuality, power, control, fear, insecurity, and white supremacy, just to name a few. 

This episode is a must-listen for, well, everyone. But especially for Dudes and anyone who loves them.

***

Producers: Jessica Levity, Homeslice Productions

Intro song: Rachael McIlhiney covering Hozier

***

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In this episode Jes chats with @coach_shor on the intersections of compulsory monogamy, compulsory heterosexuality, compulsory cis-ness, and fatphobia. And, as always, they dive into the semiotics of it all.

In this episode, Jes and Joe catch you the fuck up on their polyamorous lives. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEY GOT BACK ON THE APPS! They share some exciting new connections, some tragic lessons, and a hilarious anecdote that only polyamorous parents can truly understand.

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In this extremely vulnerable episode, The Daylovers "come out", and share with you the raw details of their evolution into a beautiful, asexual, polyamorous marriage. They lay out every piece of their journey: Jes's fearful confession of her asexual feelings toward Joe a few months ago,  how that landed in Joe's world,  Joe's processing of those emotions,  why they think of it as an "evolution", and Jes's very detailed theory as to the factors behind this evolution-- including pieces of their past, Jes's demisexuality, life as a postpartum mother, the nature of long term relationships, and Joe's exploration of his own sexuality. They sternly offer several disclaimers, including that just because they are polyam, does NOT mean all polyam married folks are asexual, nor does it mean they're polyamorous "because" of their asexual vibe; and most importantly, they did not "become asexual" as a consequence of exploring polyamory. The episode ends with their mutual unpacking of their extremely passionate, and also thorough, answer to the question: "Then why stay married?" If you are exploring similar dynamics in your relationship, you are not alone. Head to www.remodeledlove.com and click on "peer support" to learn more about how The Daylovers can hold space for you, and guide you through this shift into a beautiful expansion. #RedefineMarriage *** >> www.remodeledlove.com >> www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove >> Instagram: @remodeledlove >> Twitter: @remodeledLove >> TikTok: @HomesliceProductions

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[CW: Brief mentions of trauma, intimate partner violence, and sexual violence]

In this episode, Jes chats with fellow Instagram content creator, Sydney Rae Chin. Sydney (they/she) identifies as a queer, non-binary, East Asian, anti-capitalist femme. They talk Sydney's critique of the social media space: the entrepreneurial culture, the problematic nature with some of the Polyam content creators, the lack of consent found in the space, and also what Sydney calls the "Survivorship Industrial Complex". 

Sydney is stepping away from IG for a while, but you should follow them anyway @SydneyRaeChin. Additionally, you can tip them for their brilliance on Venmo @Sydney_Rae, and make sure to read their blog at sydneyraechin.com/blog.

***

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In this highly anticipated episode of "Remodeled", Jes chats with clinical psychologist Dr. Antonia Jurkovic about her perceived and experienced correlations between ADHD and Polyamory.

They dive into: how much Dr. Antonia thinks Polyamory and ADHD are related to one another, how the identities are inherently intertwined, and the growing observation that so many non-monogamous folks have ADHD.

They also talk about how ADHD might impact what draws someone to polyamory (a need for excitement, spontaneity, change, novelty...), and how it could possibly explain some of the difficulties people find themselves having within polyamory (like: time management, polysaturation, “Moving fast”/push-pull dynamic within relationships, NRE addiction, having a hard time saying no to something you really want, and texting partners/having a hard time getting off your phone).

Dr. Antonia also shares why is it helpful to have this knowledge. (So, spread this episode far and wide!)

This is going to be the first of a series about Neurodivergence and Polyamory, so please email any followup questions you may have for Dr. Antonia to RemodeledLove@gmail.com

Also, join our new Discord server! We will be launching a channel specifically for discussions around ADHD and Polyamory this week.

***

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We continue our Polyamorous Men series with this live interview with The Good Chad of @Polyamfam. In this episode we discuss Chad's polyamory origin story. Chad shares the struggles he had early on-- his insecurities and jealousies, and how polyamory actually helped him work through them to become a better version of himself. Chad talks about the role toxic masculinity played in his polyamorous journey, and he gives us his number one tip in helping other men overcome toxicity: Listen. To. Women.   

You can support Chad by buying his art, attending his events, and following his page. 

You can support me in various ways, all found at www.remodeledlove.com

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~ From Purity Rings to Non-Monogamous Things ~

In this live and (mostly) unedited episode, The Daylovers share some exciting news regarding their recent rise to UK trash mag fame, update everyone on their dating life, and talk about some fun new merch they just launched. Plus, Jes goes off about how capitalism has ruined dating apps, does a deep dive into how her demisexuality affects her online dating life, and announces her newly discovered identity as a "Demisexual Slut". 

*** You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com. 

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>> Instagram: @remodeledlove 

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In this kick off to the long-awaited Season 2, Jes pitches her mushroom-inspired idea to Joe that if she can let go of editing each episode as intensely as she did in Season 1, then they can get a lot more episodes out quicker. Joe doubts Jes is capable of that. In Part 1, The Daylovers then catch you up on their lives: how it's been going with the new baby, navigating breakups, and just getting their reality tossed around by the general upheaval that comes with a newborn, plus also the plot twists of polyamory. Plus Joe urges all men to embrace their inner cuck. In Part 2, The Daylovers share a story of how they were able to walk the breakup of their shortly-lived throuple situation, while two of them still remained together and in love. They share from a place of inspiration of what's possible when everyone is willing to do their inner work. *** You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com. >> www.remodeledlove.com >> www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove >> Instagram: @remodeledlove >> Twitter: @remodeledLove >> TikTok: @HomesliceProductions

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In this special "Mini Episode", Jes shares a coming out story with you all. Just because you're 35 doesn't mean there aren't parts of your sexuality that you're still discovering. This story is dedicated to anyone with whom it resonates. 

***

You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

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In the Season 1 Finale of “Remodeled”, The Daylovers sit down with the Godfather of their children, Christopher Daniels (aka “Titi”), to share the sacred birth story of Lucius Sol Daylover. The mission of Remodeled is to Redefine Family and Redefine Love, and the reverent home birth of their sweet LSD did just that. Can you imagine a more perfect way to end our first season?

The telling of birth stories, if you’ve never read or heard one, is an extremely powerful genre of storytelling. Not only does it capture forever the details for the family, but it can open up something for the listener, too. From a semiological standpoint, expanding your consciousness around the truth and power of home birth is as important as expanding your consciousness around the truth and power of polyamory, and other lesser known relationship models . Sure, neither are designed for everyone, but it’s important that everyone have the wisdom so that the script exists for the culture at large. This is how we build an inclusive world that works for every body.

The system has taken and hidden so many things from us, the power of birth being one of them. Hearing stories of successful, healthy polyamorous relationships, as well as successful, healthy home births, gives all of us permission to take our power back. We all have a right to live and birth the way WE are called to, whether that breaks tradition, sticks with tradition, or redefines tradition all together.

In this episode of Remodeled, Mr. Daylover recounts his mostly solo journey growing up on the East coast, moving to Vegas, and then finding his tribe in Reno. So far in this podcast we’ve focused on the relationships that shifted us into polyamory, but this 3-part memoir looks at the backstory, and unearths the seeds of a weird existence that would oddly match with a polyamory lifestyle later. Joe explores his middle class Catholic upbringing, his angsty teenage years, being a late bloomer, the world of Theatre, and other influences casting him as a weird person in an even stranger world.  

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You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

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In this episode of Remodeled, The Daylovers take you inside their hearts, to the depths of their total mystical weirdness, to answer a listener's email asking them to describe the role their spirituality plays in their polyamory. The episode starts with a chronological telling of how each of them came to have the beliefs they currently have -- a unique synthesis of their mutual passion for world religions, philosophies, and mystic traditions. Jes completely nerds out on her profound love of Spinozian metaphysics, shadow work, psychedelic drugs, The 12 Step Program, witchy folklore, and even Christ. Joe recounts his journey beginning as an east coast Catholic boy, to a bitter skeptic, to a lover of The Tao, to now a gooey place that sees God as All. In Part 2 of the episode, The Daylovers tie it all together by describing the exact nature their personal faith plays in their pursuit of many loves.

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You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

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In this episode of Remodeled, The Daylovers have the honor to chat with one of their favorite polyam content creators, all the way in the UK, Poly Philia. @polyphiliablog, whose sole creator is a brilliant human called Leanne, is a 22-year-old bisexual, autistic, polyamorous Asian cis-woman, who's also a part-time swinger and meme maker. The trio discuss Leanne's identity, the role she feels her autism has played in her logical view of relationships, her journey into polyamory, and her current adventures in non-hierarchical polyamory, and stress-relieving sex parties. In the second part of the interview, Leanne discusses her venture into content-creation, how her content took off, the effect it's having, and the importance of honest and accurate polyamorous content for the community. The links to all of Leanne's media are below: 

In this episode, The Daylovers have a zoom date with Joe's Side-Witch, Lore (aka: The Patron Saint of Compersion). Lore, a professional Death Doula, identifies as a queer, non-binary, latinx, polyamorous, demisexual, hyper-romantic, pansexual. Lore has known The Daylovers since before they got together, and the 3 recount the ways each person has been a part of each other's journey into polyamory. In the first half, Lore discusses the nuances of their identity, their journey into polyamory, their elaborate setup of their current polycule (see episode graphic & find us on Instagram for the full thing), and the ways in which it is possible to practice multiple "styles" of polyamory at once. In the second half of the episode, Lore shares a sweet story of The Daylovers from their earliest coupling -- highlighting the ways in which their polyamorous nature had been there all along. Also, Lore talks about their work as a Death Doula, and draws a connection between Death Work and Polyamory that leaves the Daylovers forever changed.  

***

You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

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In this episode of Remodeled, Jes shares her glee at the fact that, after 8 years, Joe *FINALLY* let her make him an online dating profile. Joe vulnerably recounts his insecurities and fears he's had around being "proactive" in the dating world, and the both of them revel inside how much his recent opening up has brought so much wonderful new confidence and amorousness into his life.  Jes also tells their love story, which is a hilarious narrative involving a psychic vision and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Finally, The Daylovers divulge the details of Joe's OKCupid profile, talk about his struggles with maintaining conversations, and respond to a listener email questioning whether or not "now" was the right time for Joe to be exploring dating.

***

You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

>> www.remodeledlove.com

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In this episode of Remodeled, first recorded a year ago, The Daylovers talk to one of their oldest friends and comedic cohorts, Shane Tolomeo. Shane was one of the very first people Jes and Joe “came out" to, back in their early days of polyamorous exploration. Now, 7 years later, Shane is living as a happy, healthy, polyamorous gay man. The trio discuss Shane’s polyam origins, his relationship to jealousy, his thoughts on polyam’s connection to Burning Man, and why non-monogamy may be more common in the gay world. This interview will be the first in an on-going series throughout the seasons of this podcast which seek to capture the spirit of different kinds of relationships, especially those of us practicing various forms of non-monogamy. Representation is important. And on the matter of identity, Shane identifies as a white, cisgendered gay male, able-bodied, extroverted, and naturally polyamorous.  The first half of this episode features the in-studio recording from last March while Shane was in Reno. The second half of the episode features a followup interview with Shane, recorded just a few nights ago, via zoom, where Shane and The Daylovers catch up a bit, and then Shane dives into his total nerdom and discusses some very exciting polyamorous things beginning to unfold in the Marvel Universe right now -- which represents a huge shift toward the expansion of our cultural semiology.  

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You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

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In this episode, featuring guest host JD Montelongo, and alternatively titled "Pregnancy WAP" (or "Echo Chamber Ego Boost"), the trio answers several listener emails asking: How do you tell your partner you're interested in exploring polyamory? What would you do if they weren't interested? Does your partner's bond with someone else ever make you feel disconnected? The crew also discusses ideas around "compatibility", and address some fuckery found inside a few emails. Most enjoyably, Jes and JD tease Joe about being high as fuck on NRE, and Joe gives us an update on his recent journey of being more proactive in opening up to new loves.

***

You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

>> www.remodeledlove.com

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🎙If you love our content and want to support us:

In this raw, vulnerable, and passionate episode, Jes and Joe answer one listener’s email with several questions around Polyamory and Parenting. They dive into the philosophy of semiology, and how your personal semiotics affects how you see the world, and how you understand what’s possible. Not only do they invite you into an expansion of your personal semiology, but they challenge you to examine which cultural narratives you may have bought into without even realizing it. Additionally, Jes, while honestly navigating the unconscious hypocrisy she finds inside these common questions, also calls herself out on her own fuckery -- reminding listeners (multiple times) that they are not responsible for the triggers that come up for her when reading their emails.

***

You can submit questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.remodeledlove.com.

>> Intro music by @Rachbot6000 (cover of Hozier's "Someone New")

>> www.remodeledlove.com

>> www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove

>> www.instagram.com/remodeledlove

🎙If you love our content and want to support us:

In this episode of Remodeled, Jessica & Joe pick up right from where they left off in Episode 1 -- answering all of the questions that guest host JD Montelongo wants to know: How do you create rules and boundaries for yourselves when exploring polyamory? What happens if one partner is more eager to experiment with polyamory than the other? What's the difference between "open relationships" and "polyamory"? Did any of your "rules" evolve over time? What rules do you have around sex itself? Are you allowed to deny your partner's choice of partner? Do you have to meet your partner's new lover? What if one partner is "more successful" in the dating world than the other?

Plus, Jes talks about the importance of immersing yourself in polyam culture when attempting to navigate it for the first time. She also gives advice on how to be "set free from the torture of jealousy".

NOTE: EPISODE 3 IS AN "ASK US ANYTHING EPISODE". Feel free to submit any questions you may have about Jes and Joe, polyamory in general, or a specific situation you're navigating by emailing remodeledlove@gmail.com, or submit the anonymous form at www.homesliceproductions.com/remodeled.

In this episode, Jessica and Joe (The Daylovers) leave no stone left unturned in this honest and raw re-telling of the question they are most often asked: "How did ya'll 'get into' polyamory?" With literally no role models to look up to, they had to navigate the world of polyamory on their own. Now, 7 years later, they share their story as a beacon of light for others, as well as to alter the cultural narrative of what's possible. You may find their journey triggering, painful, surreal, and confusing...but if you stay with them (like they did with each other) you will find hope -- especially for all you frightened polyam newbies out there. It is possible to #RedefineLove.