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The Rob Arthur Podcast

The Rob Arthur Podcast

By Rob Arthur

I am no longer maintaining this podcast, but I am still writing daily.

You can find that on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, and Substack :-)

Anchor won't allow hyperlinks here, but there are links to all the above in the notes for the final episode.

Also, here are some good old-fashioned URLs...

therobarthur.substack.com (the best place to find me)
www.facebook.com/therobarthur
www.instagram.com/therobarthur
twitter.com/therobarthur
www.linkedin.com/in/therobarthur
www.reddit.com/user/therobarthur

You've got this :-)
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Currently playing episode

Episode 42: Self-care is a skill

The Rob Arthur PodcastDec 10, 2019

00:00
06:24
Stepping away for now:-)

Stepping away for now:-)

Just wanted to give you all a heads up, I'm going to be stepping away from this podcast, at least for now.

I will still be writing daily, and I’ll be sharing that on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, and Substack.

I'll have a link to my Substack in the podcast description, and I'm "therobarthur" on all the channels I just mentioned.

Thank you so much for all your support.

It's meant more to me than you could ever know.

You’ve got this.

Dec 19, 202200:46
What’s actually happening?

What’s actually happening?

We often assign stories to what’s going on around us.

These stories can have elaborate introductions, conclusions, and messages.

Rarely, though, do we ask ourselves if these stories are helpful or even accurate.

Take a minute and take a deep breath.

What’s actually happening?

You've got this.

Dec 16, 202200:37
What if we simply listened?

What if we simply listened?

Allowing others to open up to us can be a powerful tool for exchanging the gift of connection.

So often, though, we're too focused on responding, controlling, or judging for any connection to form.

We do this not only with others but also ourselves.

What if we simply listened?

You've got this.

Dec 15, 202200:36
Life isn't always a problem to be solved

Life isn't always a problem to be solved

We often get stuck in patterns of problem solving.

No matter what comes our way, we feel the need to do something.

Sometimes, though, there's nothing for us to do.

Life isn't always a problem to be solved.

It's often only a mystery to be lived.

All we can do then is live it.

You've got this.

Dec 14, 202200:37
Those we see as least worthy of compassion are often those who need it most

Those we see as least worthy of compassion are often those who need it most

Holding compassion for those we see as malicious, selfish, or otherwise unworthy may not feel right.

Such characteristics, however, are often rooted in deep suffering or fear.

Those we see as least worthy of compassion are often those who need it most.

This includes ourselves.

You've got this.

Dec 13, 202200:40
Let your thoughts serve you

Let your thoughts serve you

Our thoughts make wonderful servants.

They can be invaluable for reflection, forethought, and contemplation.

When we accept them without question, though, we allow them to act as our masters.

They can drive us to rumination, worry, and obstinance.

Let your thoughts serve you.

You've got this.

Dec 12, 202200:36
You'll never hate yourself into loving yourself

You'll never hate yourself into loving yourself

Focusing solely on our shortcomings often keeps us feeling too unworthy of self-improvement to ever start pursuing it.

Even if we manage to improve outwardly, the skill we may have been practicing the most is feeling inadequate.

You'll never hate yourself into loving yourself.

You’ve got this.

Dec 09, 202200:36
Make peace with your imperfection

Make peace with your imperfection

Striving for perfection is a futile effort.

You've always made mistakes and you always will.

Rather than carry the burden of a reality you refuse to accept, face those mistakes with kindness and compassion.

Learn from them, then let them go.

Make peace with your imperfection.

You've got this.

Dec 08, 202200:38
What would you do if you knew you would fail?

What would you do if you knew you would fail?

There's a popular question for clarifying what efforts we might pursue:

What would you do if you knew you would succeed?

Such a question, however, risks overlooking those efforts so inherently worthy that the outcome is irrelevant.

What would you do if you knew you would fail?

You've got this.

Dec 07, 202200:37
Trust who you are

Trust who you are

Our words and actions may not always reflect our thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Others may make hasty, inaccurate conclusions about the nature of our character.

We may even doubt ourselves at times.

Keep working to align your life with your intentions.

Trust who you are.

You've got this.

Dec 06, 202200:40
How would you treat a dear friend?

How would you treat a dear friend?

We often treat ourselves in ways we'd never treat others.

Harsh criticism, derision, and neglect, however, can affect us all the same.

Whatever our shortcomings, we can approach them with kindness and compassion.

How would you treat a dear friend?

You are worthy of the same.

You've got this.

Dec 05, 202200:41
Is quitting the only option?

Is quitting the only option?

It can be tempting to totally quit when we start to see that an effort is no longer sustainable.

We often fail to consider, however, all that might lie between continuing as we are and giving up.

Pause, breathe, and open your mind and your heart.

Is quitting the only option?

You've got this.

Dec 02, 202200:38
How are the labels you've chosen serving you?

How are the labels you've chosen serving you?

Labels can play a useful role in communication.

When we label ourselves, however, we risk associating our labels with our identities.

These labels then often serve only to separate and isolate us, when we crave love and connection.

How are the labels you've chosen serving you?

You've got this.

Dec 01, 202200:43
Beating yourself up is optional

Beating yourself up is optional

Self-reflection can help us identify our shortcomings and work to improve upon them.

Harsh self-criticism, however, often only makes us miserable, ultimately hindering our growth or progress.

Imperfection, mistakes, and failure are inevitable.

Beating yourself up is optional.

You’ve got this.

Nov 30, 202200:38
What pain can you let go?

What pain can you let go?

Some of our pain is unavoidable.

It's the misfortune, failure, and disappointment we all inevitably encounter.

Much of our pain, however, is unnecessary and self-imposed.

It's the rumination, grief, and shame we carry with us past their utility.

What pain can you let go?

You've got this.

Nov 29, 202200:42
Don't forget yourself

Don't forget yourself

We can squander our entire lives putting ourselves last in a futile effort to make others happy.

Others' happiness, however, is not our responsibility.

It has infinitely more to do with them than with us.

Consider others as you navigate life, of course.

Don't forget yourself.

You've got this.

Nov 28, 202200:37
What do you need?

What do you need?

We generally know when we need food, water, or shelter.

When we need them, we seek them out.

It can be harder to tell when we need love, belonging, or safety.

When we need them, we often numb, distract, or isolate ourselves or turn to greed, anger, or fear.

What do you need?

You've got this.

Nov 25, 202200:40
Take care of what's essential

Take care of what's essential

We let so many trivialities we tell ourselves we should do get in the way of the essentials we want or need to do.

Neglecting these essentials erodes the foundation of our inner peace and contentedness.

Let go of and leave behind what's trivial.

Take care of what's essential.

You've got this.

Nov 24, 202200:38
Contribute kindness

Contribute kindness

It's tempting to withdraw unreciprocated kindness.

A gift given with expectations, however, is more like a contract.

The beauty of kindness is its unconditionality.

What goes around might not come back around.

We can only contribute to what goes around.

Contribute kindness.

You've got this.

Nov 23, 202200:38
Your past does not define your future

Your past does not define your future

Your past has shaped your present.

You can't do anything about that.

Your past does not define your future.

It might not be completely within your control.

You might be constrained by present circumstances.

All you can ever do is do what you can.

You can always do that.

You've got this.

Nov 22, 202200:39
We need you

We need you

We often forget we account for only a fraction of a greater whole.

That whole is far from perfect, comprising countless imperfect but interdependent parts.

Together, though, we stand a chance.

Share your strengths and your love.

Encourage others to do the same.

We need you.

You've got this.

Nov 21, 202200:38
What's the hurt behind your hurting?

What's the hurt behind your hurting?

Hurting ourselves or others is often a reaction to all the ways we've already been hurt.

The inner wounds driving this cycle can be the most difficult to heal.

Without first seeing and accepting our pain, however, that healing is unlikely.

What's the hurt behind your hurting?

You've got this.

Nov 18, 202200:39
This is the most important moment of your life

This is the most important moment of your life

We can reflect on moments past, but we can never relive them.

The only moment we can live is this moment.

We can anticipate moments to come, but we can never guarantee them.

The only moment we can guarantee is this moment.

This is the most important moment of your life.

You've got this.

Nov 17, 202200:39
Focus on what is, not what might be

Focus on what is, not what might be

Our minds have ways of making mountains out of molehills.

We often place ourselves in unnecessarily harsh worlds with little basis in reality.

Create space, take a deep breath, and be still.

See, hear, and feel what's happening around you.

Focus on what is, not what might be.

You've got this.

Nov 16, 202200:39
You can't do everything all at once

You can't do everything all at once

Sometimes we feel like there's so much we "could" or "should" do that we end up doing nothing at all.

Then, even if we do manage to start doing something, we often beat ourselves up the entire time.

You can't do everything all at once.

Take one step, right here, right now.

You've got this.

Nov 15, 202200:37
You'll never know how many lives you touch

You'll never know how many lives you touch

A kind word, a helping hand, or a warm smile is often all it takes to deeply touch someone who's struggling.

We each carry an unlimited supply of such gifts of kindness.

Why not give them freely?

You'll never know how many lives you touch.

You've got this.

Nov 14, 202200:36
There's satisfaction in a good struggle

There's satisfaction in a good struggle

Rarely do any of us excel without struggling first.

Why deprive yourself of a worthy challenge?

You may or may not succeed.

That's okay.

Showing up, doing the work, and seeing what you're made of can be satisfying on its own.

There's satisfaction in a good struggle.

You've got this.

Nov 11, 202200:38
We can become stronger

We can become stronger

Our circumstances don't always improve.

They sometimes even continue to decline indefinitely.

This doesn't mean, however, all hope is lost.

We can become stronger.

Can we become strong enough?

Perhaps not.

What we can do, though, is do what we can.

We can always do that.

You've got this.

Nov 10, 202200:41
You decide what a great life looks like to you

You decide what a great life looks like to you

We often take others' word for what a great life looks like.

When we do this without question or reflection, we risk betraying our own values in pursuit of somebody else's.

We end up finding not happiness, but emptiness.

You decide what a great life looks like to you.

You've got this.

Nov 09, 202200:35
Worry isn't worth our time

Worry isn't worth our time

Some factors we can control.

Others are completely out of our hands.

Regardless, worry offers us no additional options.

All we can do is do what we can.

Learning, planning, and preparing may serve us well.

Worry isn't worth our time.

You've got this.

Nov 08, 202200:36
What reality are you not accepting?

What reality are you not accepting?

We often struggle to change habits that aren't serving us.

Sometimes we've nobody to blame but ourselves.

Rather than accept reality, we persist, telling ourselves things will be different, even when we see they haven't been and won't be.

What reality are you not accepting?

You've got this.

Nov 07, 202200:34
What's your heart telling you?

What's your heart telling you?

Sticking to decisions we immediately regret may not always be a big deal.

That voice we hear, however, suggesting we reconsider, is often the sweet voice of our own hearts.

If we ignore this voice long enough, we may eventually hear only silence.

What's your heart telling you?

You've got this.

Nov 04, 202200:36
Happiness is making peace with imperfection

Happiness is making peace with imperfection

Happiness isn't about life being perfect.

It's seeing the world as it is, appreciating what we can, and working to make things better.

That work will never be finished.

Accepting this just might be what so many of us are missing.

Happiness is making peace with imperfection.

You've got this.

Nov 03, 202200:36
You are where you are

You are where you are

There's nothing wrong with wanting your life to be different than it is.

When all we do, however, is spend our time thinking about how things should, would, or could be, we let life pass us by, doing everything but living it.

You are where you are.

What can you do from here?

You've got this.

Nov 02, 202200:35
Our insecurities reflect our own thoughts

Our insecurities reflect our own thoughts

Others' opinions of us can be worthy of consideration and can influence our self-image.

Changing others' minds without changing our own, however, will never fix our insecurities.

What we think of ourselves matters most in this regard.

Our insecurities reflect our own thoughts.

You've got this.

Nov 01, 202200:38
Look for the hope in your failures

Look for the hope in your failures

We often carry our failures with us, as if they're permanent parts of who we are.

While failure can bring irreversible consequences, we can nearly always learn from it and work to do better.

There's hope in that work, no matter the outcome.

Look for the hope in your failures.

You've got this.

Oct 31, 202200:35
What if you do nothing at all?

What if you do nothing at all?

You might know what you want and be working toward it.

If you're unsure what you want, though, you might feel a bit lost or anxious.

Even if you've eliminated a few "definitely not that" options, you might still feel the need to do something.

What if you do nothing at all?

You've got this.

Oct 28, 202200:32
The pursuit is what fills our cups

The pursuit is what fills our cups

The joy of achievement is often over in a mere instant.

Our elation quickly fades as we move on to whatever's next.

Over and over again, we inevitably feel the call of pursuit.

It's the pursuit, however, not the achievement, that calls us.

The pursuit is what fills our cups.

You've got this.

Oct 27, 202200:38
It's okay to be on your way

It's okay to be on your way

We can put tremendous pressure on ourselves to reach our goals.

This pressure so easily and so often spirals into feelings of failure.

We forget how much effort, time, and patience change can require.

It's okay to be on your way.

How else do you get to where you want to go?

You've got this.

Oct 26, 202200:37
How might you benefit from more constraints?

How might you benefit from more constraints?

Constraints often make life more difficult, but they also make life easier in some ways.

For example, deadlines can help us set a pace, limited options can help us make decisions, and finite resources can help us know when to quit.

How might you benefit from more constraints?

You've got this.

Oct 25, 202200:35
None of this will last

None of this will last

Even the most seemingly insignificant moment is an orchestration of unfathomable time, energy, and chance.

Still, a moment is only a moment - here, then gone so soon.

Why squander any opportunity to revel in the beauty and serendipity of our experience?

None of this will last.

You've got this.

Oct 24, 202200:41
What's driving your desire for control?

What's driving your desire for control?

Even when we feel in control, it can be short-lived or merely a delusion.

We don't realize there's often something else - perhaps love, connection, or belonging - behind our craving.

Control can never fill a hole left by such as these.

What's driving your desire for control?

You've got this.

Oct 21, 202200:37
Be your own hero

Be your own hero

Seeing others as heroes might give us hope, help us see our own strengths, or inspire us to be more.

We often end up, however, living vicariously through those heroes.

Never applying what we see in them to our own lives, we leave our own potential unrealized.

Be your own hero.

You've got this.

Oct 20, 202200:36
Confidence can bloom from failure

Confidence can bloom from failure

Confidence often serves us quite well when rooted in a strong understanding of our own capabilities.

Strengthening this understanding may involve some failure - finding and exceeding our limits.

We can then build upon or expand those limits.

Confidence can bloom from failure.

You've got this.

Oct 19, 202200:37
All we can do some days is check the box

All we can do some days is check the box

There are days when we set out with high aspirations and fall completely short.

It's tempting to throw in the towel on such days.

Doing something, however, is often better than doing nothing at all.

All we can do some days is check the box.

That's enough and you're enough.

You've got this.

Oct 18, 202200:33
What if the meaning is the moment?

What if the meaning is the moment?

Is our search for meaning precisely what's keeping us from finding it?

Could we be meant only to live each moment as it is?

Joy, pain, excitement, boredom - they're all parts of this brief experience.

Eventually we all run out of moments.

What if the meaning is the moment?

You've got this.

Oct 17, 202200:40
Is all this doing depriving us of simply being?

Is all this doing depriving us of simply being?

Even in those rare moments of uncommitted time, it seems normal now to always look for something to do.

How many sights, smells, and sensations are we letting go unnoticed?

What hopes, dreams, and fears are we leaving unexplored?

Is all this doing depriving us of simply being?

You've got this.

Oct 14, 202200:40
You don't have to choose optimism or pessimism

You don't have to choose optimism or pessimism

Optimism may offer hope but might also open the door for disappointment.

Pessimism may hedge against disappointment but might also sap life of hope.

You don't have to choose optimism or pessimism.

Hope for the best.

Acknowledge the possibility of the worst.

Expect neither.

You've got this.

Oct 13, 202200:38
All we can ever do is do what we can

All we can ever do is do what we can

There might be days when you feel like you can't do anything right.

That may or may not be true.

Regardless, much of life is totally out of our control, including countless factors affecting the outcomes of our efforts.

All we can ever do is do what we can.

Keep showing up.

You've got this.

Oct 12, 202200:34
Self-criticism doesn't have to be so harsh

Self-criticism doesn't have to be so harsh

Holding ourselves to high standards might help us work toward becoming who we want to be.

Harsh self-criticism, however, often causes more misery than any satisfaction we might get from our efforts.

Self-criticism doesn't have to be so harsh.

You can criticize with kindness.

You've got this.

Oct 11, 202200:34