Dad-ability

I made a commitment when I started Dad-ability that I would openly talk about the struggles as well as the successes and practical strategies. This episode is me at my most vulnerable. It’s raw. It’s honest and it’s something every parent of a child with disability can relate to. What happens when everything becomes too much? What happens when you reach your limit? What happens when you don’t have all the answers. On todays episode I don’t have the answers, but I wanted to share this experience in the hope next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed that you talk about it too, you ask for help and support and you don’t judge yourself for feeling this way.

Being both physically fit and mentally fit is super important when raising kids with disabilities to ensure you look after yourself and your wellbeing. Mental Fitness is about priming your mind, exercising your brain and tuning into the world around you to make the most of the present. On this episode we look at how we can build our mental fitness by introducing you to some simple tools you can start practising today. It’s not about being smarter or more intelligent it’s about becoming more prepared for what life throws at us, as well as performing better in and enjoying everyday life. Being mentally fit also reduces risk of mental illness like depression and anxiety just the same as being physically fit reduces our risk of illness like heart disease and diabetes

Coming to terms with grief of the life you thought they would have is an ongoing challenge for many parents of children with disabilities. What can we learn from our beautiful unique kids about how to deal with it better? I offer a personal perspective grounded in a ‘Peter Pan’ Mentality of youthful adventure, freedom and innocence that knows no limits and the child like ability to beleive in the possibility of flying

The most common question I get asked is what advice do I have for dads who has just received a new disability diagnosis for their kids. I have summarised my top 5 tips I have learned so far from my own experiences to help a dad come to terms with the diagnosis, how to handle it, and what to do to start getting into action and supporting your family

Somethings that unites everyone as a parent of a child with disability is the guilt we carry, and wrestle with each day. It can be heavy, draining and at times debilitating. Juggling work and caring responsibilities is one of the hardest challenges facing dads and can come with extremely intense guilt. On this episode I share my personal experiences wrestling with guilt to hopefully show you that you are not alone in this battle and whilst guilt may always be there and may sometimes win the battle we can be victorious in the war !

How do you cope when you are confronted with a reality that is undesirable and not what you had hoped? Do you ever feel or say things aren’t fair? Why is this happening to me? On todays episode I discuss Radical Acceptance and how we can learn that everything has meaning and value we just need to have a willingness to experiences our lives just as they are and to squeeze the juice 🧃 to help us move forward

Welcome to the first episode of our support series where we chat with the experts who provide support to our children living with disabilities and also to us as dads and our families. On today’s episode I hat with clinically trained psychologist Sam Van Meurs who shares his insights as a dad and therapist with 15 yrs of clinical experience in psychology working with dads and families. We discuss why it’s okay to get help and why investing in your mindset and how you think can really have a profound impact on how you handle the challenging situations we find ourselves in as dads of children with disabilities who can’t pour from an empty cup.

Life can be overwhelming parenting children with a disability, and any given day can quickly turn into chaos and challenging to deal with. On todays episode I share a personal framework that I developed for finding CALM in the chaos based on my experience and perspective. It is very practical and easy to remember and can be applied in both the immediate here and now situation that pops up from nowhere (ie meltdown or behaviours of concern in a public setting) and also the long term macro view of when a series of events after the other seem to pile up into a feeling of chaos and being out of control.

How do you cope when things fall apart? What happens when you fall short of your own expectation? Or you simply just lose it in a heated moment?
Often the losses in life teach us far more than the wins. So often the answer is hardwork and the questuons is irrelevant. On this episode I share my experience of shifting from a place of anger, sadness and disappointment ion yourself to being able to reclaim some control back and move forward. By harnessing your rituals, anchoring in what has worked for you in the past and building your self belief wall you can bounce back to quickly shift your mindset into a place of being in control not letting the waves crash down around you and feeling helpless to stay afloat.

Are you playing big or small? Are you leaning in or avoiding? What are you doing for you? We can all carry carers guilt and prioritise our kids above ourselves because of their higher and unique needs but how are you living your best life? When you look back at the book of your life, how good was the book? This episode is a call to action for all Dads in the arena to ask yourselves ‘why not?’, to keep striving valiantly, and remember there is no effort without error or shortcoming. The credit belongs to those who play big and live your highest and best life knowing that in order to achieve success you must also accept defeat but at least if you fail, you fail while daring greatly not sitting on the sidelines watching the days go by.

Being a dad of a child with a disability comes with a higher degree of difficulty and at times can feel like you are trying to execute a handstand inverted pike, triple somersault of the 10m platform. Life is full of challenges and it's totally normal, and understood that you will struggle from time to time. Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength, you need to look within yourself and stay present as a dad to how your child is progressing and developing from their struggles too. We all gain strength through practice and making efforts to learn from previous behaviours and mistakes. I share this honest and raw account of a recent struggle and the opportunity this adversity created to build strength for both me and my son.

Do you ever feel like you could or should be doing more as a dad? Have you struggled with your mental health? Having a child with a disability increases the degree of difficulty in handling everyday stresses. On todays episode I chat with Earl who shares his experience in how his self awareness has helped him to shift to healthy dad mode in challenging his negative thoughts. He has also learned to practice self care and to be kind to himself when accepting the uncertainty and additional layers of life.

On this Father’s Day edition we are celebrating all things Dad-ability and I’m joined by 2 dads from the Whatability dad community in Jake and Campbell who offer different perspectives. Jake has worked in the disability sector for 10 years and in his current role at Whatability he uses his learned experience in supporting families and kids with high needs and disabilities to help him in his everyday role as a dad to 3 kids under 5. Campbell is dad to 15 yr old Charlie who is neurotypical, and 13 yr old Will who is autistic (ASD3) and non verbal. Campbell has seen first hand the positive difference Whatability has made to his son, his family unit and his happiness as a dad. Let’s celebrate Fathers Day with double the dads and a big thanks to the team at What Ability for the important work they do in our community.

Mind over mood. Change how you feel and act by changing the way you think. What might be a more helpful way to think about this situation? What would you advise a close friend with the same thought? Are you overestimating the likelihood of something bad happening? You are not alone. It’s totally normal to have automatic thoughts and let emotions drive how we think sometimes but we can train our mind to ensure we respond versus react! By understanding how we think we can then challenge our beliefs and thoughts to form a stronger pathway that leads to a more effective, helpful and realistic outcome

In this first season finale I reflect with pride 365 days after first checking myself into a mental health hospital on my learnings, progress and gratitude. I didn’t think I could change, felt out of control and felt hopeless and hopeful at the same time. A year on I’m now the strongest mentally I have ever been and feel equipped with skills and knowledge I need to be the best dad I can be for my family.

On this episode I have a very honest and refreshing chat with Dan Lawley, who shares his thoughts on the importance of acceptance and educating yourself as a dad. We discuss navigating social situations when your kids develop self awareness of autism by teaching strategies of focusing on respect and what they can do, and finally Dan shared why he is adopting a practical approach of engaging more on the positives and what his daughter loves doing

Do you ever feel isolated? Lonely? Wish you good connect with another dad that just gets it? I have an epic chat with the incredible team behind Kindship the first social networking app built by and exclusively for parents raising children with disabilities, delays, and neurodiversity. We talk about how to find positive and supportive connections so you don’t have to go or alone

A manifesto is defined as a declaration of one’s beliefs, opinions, motives, and intentions. It is simply a way for a company or person to write and declare what is important to them. I decided to write a personal manifesto in the form of a ‘Letter to Leo’ that serves also as a note to self and commitment to how I want to show up as a dad for him

On todays episode I share my struggle and experiences with social anxiety. Why do we struggle with social anxiety as dads of disability? Why is it so commonly experienced? What can we do to break the cycle of avoidance and make confronting our social encounters easier?

Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. There is a lot of heavy lifting going on by dads in juggling all of life’s demands everyday. On this episode I talk about what makes it so heavy for dads of children with disabilities, and then share some practical ways to lighten the load we are carrying through talking it out, finding the good and reframing failure.

On part 2 of my chat with single dad Mav, we get stuck into his thoughts on the value of happiness, he reveals his personal mission statement for navigating challenging times and the importance of modelling as a parent when things go wrong.

We have an incredible double header episode with my friend and dad Mav Peri. Other than being a good human Mav is a single dad to 2 boys with disabilities and yes I know what you’re thinking? How does he do it? Mav and I chat about the answer to that question, his unique story and growth journey through personal reflection, how he learned to harness negative emotions and build his vulnerability muscle. Grab your pens and some paper as this is a master class with Mav worth taking notes.

If we can embrace the imperfection of our disabled kids then why can’t we do it for ourselves? Your self worth is not predicated on pleasing others, achievement or being perfect. In this episode I talk about the need to embrace being imperfect as a dad and why it’s important to stop caring about other peoples opinions and perfect expectations and just focus on the only thing you can control being the expectation of yourself.

What’s it like to see your profoundly deaf child hear for the first time? I have a heart to heart with Josh Byrne about the life changing moment his daughter got ‘switched on’ and could hear her mum and dads voice. We chat about
celebrating milestones, and actively participating in the hearing world. Josh also opens up about why his decision to not share in the early days of diagnosis helped him, and gives his insights into how he has been able to ‘normalise’ being a dad of a disabled child.

On this episode I tackle the topic of everyday resilience, and share some practical ways to improve your positivity and mental health through the power of gratitude, empathy and mindfulness. Special thanks and credit to The Resilience Project by Hugh Van Cuylenberg

Here are some highlights from the episodes so far mashed up in a motivational mixtape to remind you that you can do this! To all the dads out there, we see you, you are not alone and you’re more capable than you think. Keep believing in yourself, and never underestimate your Dad-ability

We are all human and don't always get it right and can always find ways to be better, but you cant hang onto your mistakes you need to learn to let them go! I share my insights and tips on how to stop beating yourself up and reduce rumination by staying in the present and working on what is 'helpful' and 'effective' so we are forward focused. Everyone has a 'to do' list and by the end of the episode you will have what is more important as a dad of disability, which is a 'to be' list!

On this episode we flip the script as Steve (a friend and fellow dad) interviews me on my journey so far as a dad of disability in dealing with acceptance, and in adjusting to how life would be different.

One of the hardest things to do in raising a child with a disability is to take care of yourself. On this episode I share my thoughts on the importance of communication, and how to balance getting your needs met as a parent.

To share or not to share? Where are the boundaries? For many this is a tough decision. People can’t help support you if they don’t know what you are going through. On this episode I offer up my perspective on why sharing can be so beneficial

What does success look like as a dad to children with a disability? I chat with Jarrad McCaskie who opens up about how he manages raising 3 kids under 7 with ASD, the impact this has had on his career and what success looks like for him now as a professional, a dad and a husband.

Adopting a high performance mentality may work in business and sport, but not when it comes to being a dad of a child with a disability. I share a breakthrough strategy that has changed my approach and ability to manage meltdowns

Autism diagnosis is a challenging, and emotional journey. In this heartfelt chat with Jon Pickersgill, dad to 9 yr old Max, he shares his experiences about the diagnosis of his sons autism, coming to terms with Max having a disability and how to get the support you need to deal with it

I chat with Russ Anderton, dad to 15 yr old Kaed, about his experiences getting comfortable to open up, learning how to be vulnerable and on tackling guilt

I talk about the the power of mindfulness, how to not take it personally and share a CBT skill used to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns

I share my own personal experience and battles with mental health in navigating the challenges of being a dad to my autistic son