Rolling Stoned

Sketch is back to the grind at USPUSS and today he's working a different route than usual, covering for a coworker that's sick. Everything is going pretty normal besides a bizarre encounter a frisky older couple. They just want Sketch to bring some eviction papers to the neighbor. Piece of cake. But he soon finds out the cake is indeed a lie because the neighbors aren't home. In fact, it looks like they haven't been home for some time. Years maybe. Well, might as well go out back and spark a J, but -KLANG- what is that? Looks like some kind of hatch... attached to a whole bunker... and there's some voices chanting something below... "three squares per... front to back..." Well, might as well open this up...

Special guests Desmond Hawkins and Matt Korda.

This New Year was pretty uneventful for Ken & Sketch compared to the previous one, but while finishing off a special second generation New Year's blunt, Sketch got to thinking...whatever happened at last year's New Year party at P-Dawgs...and did he still have dank buds...? Using Ken's address book, Sketch is able to find P-Dawg's parent's house, who he's hoping can point him in the direction of some kind buds, but as luck would have it he is living right next door in a shack, and Sketch's old friend T-Bone (Nate Maney) is with him! The old friends immediately swap stories and reminisce about the last time they were all together, the 2003 New Year's party, where P-Dawg's apartment randomly burned down that night and apparently, Ken ran off into the woods. But as the memories come to light, Sketch is less and less sure it was an accident as they piece together their blacked-out search for Ken...

It's the Rolling Stoned Christmas special and season finale extravaganza! Twas an average day for Sketch, making deliveries and picking up packages, when along came a package, but human it was. His clothes were all dashing and the deepest of reds. "My name's Mr Krimson," he smiled and said. A briefcase, quite peculiarly, was chained to his wrist. "Oh, that? It's a package of wonder and cheer. Looking upon it, the meaning of Christmas is clear." But hark! Sketch will learn much more than the reason for the season. For to give and give and give is not enough... for Mr Krimson comes with briefcase in cuff...

The interstate revenge spree continues, as Starwoman works her way down the revenge list, and everyone is going to get their hands dirty. After swiftly disposing of Bong-water Man, they are off to enact vengeance on some really bad dudes, definitely the worst kind of people, from dog fighters to the Hollywood elite... and they're all... probably guilty...? Honestly, Ken, Sketch, and Adam are so sleep deprived and emotionally drained that they can't find it in themselves to care. They just want to relax and drink milkshakes... but there will be no rest until they face the most heinous person on Starwoman's list... truly a monster among the Hollywood elite... considered by many to be a badder dude than the devil himself... his name... is Robin Williams...

Sketch is amped up and ready to show the bosses the tape of the talk show that they insisted that he made last week. He was a little confused when they told him "If you're going to be around USPUSS a while, we're going to give you more responsibilities," and then told him they were putting him in charge of interviewing candidates, starting with this Adam Duodecim guy. Sketch isn't quite sure what candidate means or why USPUSS needs an interview talk show, but he is flattered that they think he's gregarious enough to host it and pulls out all the stops using only the best production available. He's never heard of this Adam guy, but is determined to give him an interview experience that the bosses would be proud of. They might even pick it up for another episode it's good enough!

Freshly back from vacation, Ken and Sketch are stopping by USPUSS to check out the progress on the reconstruction of the break room. There, they meet Notch, a second generation construction worker who is an expert digger and has an extraordinarily square figure. Some would describe it as box-like. Well, as he keeps telling Avery, the new break room is going to be about 200 blocks. He just has to clear the rubble and ehhhhhh rebuild the break room basement, it's not so hard. Especially with his newly acquired sparkly pickaxe...

With both the Third and Sixth Amendments wished away by Lincoln's Hand, the New Confederacy is well on their way to bringing about their Confederate Dystopia. After being flung into the woods by Sketch's reckless driving, Age wakes up pinned to her crashed trailer. Fortunately, her trailer crashed into the tent of someone that can help. He calls himself--The Instructor. He has no time to explain, but he's an ageless veteran and he knows about the atrocities that are being brought to veterans through Confederate magic and he intends to set things right. However, with due process gone, Age, a known dissident, will have to be careful who she runs into. But, fortunately again, The Instructor knows his way through the woods and towards Veteran 77A, the key to fixing this mess. HOO RAH.

Age and Sketch are hot on Fugue State Ken's trail of bodies when Sketch suddenly notices someone he thought long gone from his past zoom by on familiar sounding rollerskates. Age's trailer immediately goes flying off the hitch as Sketch speeds up to find out that Starwoman is indeed still alive... sort of. She has become a zombie, er, revenant, existing for the sake of revenge, and Ricardo, Vinny (the Vietnam Vet), & Sketch are going to need her help if they are going to stop Fugue State Ken's confused murderous rampage. Fortunately, Starwoman remembers the world before the Third Amendment changed and is equally confused by all the tan-coats around. But they don't have much time to waste on carnage because the New Confederacy is about to set in motion a series of Amendment reforms that will put us back into Antebellum America...

Also... HAPPY PRIDE Y'ALL!!!

The treehouse kids' wish to remove the Third Amendment with Lincoln's hand worked, leaving Ken, Sketch, & Age with no memory of the United States having an amendment prohibiting soldiers from being posted in people's homes. They don't remember a time without their trusty tan-coated soldier/body guard/servant/companion by their side, from the moment they pick them up from the local Vet Smart, like one does when registering a new home. But in this Confederate Dystopia, veterans aren't exactly being treated... humanely. With the Third Amendment gone, their duty to country has become indefinite, as they are keeping the peoples' homes guarded and their beds made until they are no longer of service... Our Stoners are going to need to act quickly if they are going to stop this Confederate Dystopia from getting any worse, but first Age needs to stop at the DMV and update her trailer registration...

While Ken and Sketch are taking a breather from the work day to watch Predator in the break room, the maniacal kids Billy and Timmy from the tree house show up at the USPUSS facility. And they want their skin couch back. And the couch is haunted or something... ? Idk, you're going to have to listen if you want to make sense of this one...

Following a rigorous debate about whether DVDs have what it takes to replace VHSs, Ken and Sketch decide to go to Circuit City to see what all the hype is about. A very enthusiastic Circuit City employee by the name of McDougal shows them the wonders of DVDs and some backroom deals (once they buttered his palms, that is...).

Agents Ralph and Diego discuss their suspicions of Ken and Sketch and their radical stoner ideology and then interrogate them under the guise of a performance review, but it quickly unravels as the agents unintentionally find themselves in the sweet embrace of Mary Jane herself...

Having spent their signing bonus, Ken and Sketch find themselves still needing to furnish the back of the USPUSS truck, their current home. While on their route, they spot the perfect chairs up in a treehouse and decide to snag them. Little do they know what they are about to uncover...

After making their phone call to USPUSS, Ken and Sketch are told to come in right away for the a job. They decide to take the bus but are thwarted when a mother takes issue with their bong smoking. However, after taking a quick bath in Lake Michigan, and with some helpful directions, Ken and Sketch find themselves at the USPUSS facility.

Ken and Sketch wake up after a New Year's party they barely remember that ended with their apartment burning down. Waking up in the streets of Milwaukee, they try to make sense of the previous night, while trying to figure out what to do next.