Tiny Pictures

I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival<br />With live theatre, but quite comedic<br />It will involve hand puppets<br />and some animatronics<br />It's also about sustainability<br />but not too woke<br /><br />I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival<br />about electronic circuits<br />with contemporary dance.<br />There'll be some cool video projections<br />and an explosive door prize<br />entry is just 5 bucks<br /><br />I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival<br />with maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprises<br />Instead of a rabbit coming out of a hat,<br />it's a koala!<br />And the audience sits in the trees<br />while the performers build a fire <br /> <br />But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival<br />with a live band<br />and a sword-swallowing amputee<br />Picture belly dancers with reptiles<br />while members of the audience<br />recite anonymous stories<br />of disastrous first dates<br /><br />Then, I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival<br />A kind of, burlesque science fiction<br />Dinner will be served on vinyl records<br />And there’s an upside-down DJ<br />and a children’s choir<br />live streamed, of course<br /> <br />But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festival<br />with a naked lady covered in glitter,<br />who makes love to a transgender sex worker,<br />on James St,<br />in a box made of mirrors.

If buildings could speak<br />they'd have much to say<br />about their creaky concrete bones<br />and how sore they are <br />from the weight <br />of all the things<br />that happen inside them<br /><br />They have so many belly aches <br />from mountains of documents<br />still in filing cabinets<br />and computer systems<br />and furniture<br />and floor coverings<br />and wall hangings<br /><br />They'd probably tell you about the migraines<br />from all the footstepsthrough hallways<br />and talking<br />and shuffling<br />and coffee brewing<br />and business making<br /><br />Maybe they'd be worried about the future<br />as their lungs filled up with stale air<br />through dirty air conditioner filters<br />and old machines with noisy fans<br />and stale cookingand breathing<br /><br />Still, mostly at night<br />the buildings go to sleep<br />and sometimes, they dream<br />dream that they could speak<br /><br />and for once, only in their dreams<br />everyone would listen<br />and understand their important musings<br />if buildings could speak

This week<br />I failed<br />Sorry

The quantum computer is coming <br />They're just trying to make<br />those little qubit things <br />immune to interference<br />from the big world<br /><br />Because when the big world leaks in<br />the qubits stop working<br />and the solutions<br />are all wrong<br /><br />Once they work out an answer<br />to this problem<br />they'll be able to calculate<br />bigger numbers<br />than we ever imagined<br /><br />The big world<br />Is like the real world<br />The one that you and I can see<br />It's just a problem<br />That it keeps leaking in<br />to the little one<br /><br />It makes that little qubit<br />sound a bit like<br />a nice dream<br />that you're fighting to stay inside<br />on the verge of waking up<br /><br />and when you do wake up<br />you may be sad<br />because you can't fly<br />you don't have 600 million dollars<br />and the cat you tried putting in a box<br />with some radioactive material<br />is still dead<br /><br />But recently, they discovered something else<br />Those little qubit things<br />Don't need to be completely isolated<br />from the big world<br />Because they can correct for the errors later<br /><br />But even then,<br />there's a problem<br /><br />The quantum computer<br />can calculate<br />so much information <br />that there is no computer<br />big enough<br />to test if the answer <br />Is correct<br /><br />So as you can see<br />it's nice to dream<br />but there's really no point <br />in building a quantum computer<br /><br />thank you

If only the way forward was clear<br />instead, it's like watching a movie<br />on a faulty monitor screen<br />that keeps flashing on and off<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />but it's like walking through a storm<br />and the wind is blowing you backwards<br />while the rain stings your face<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />but it's like trying to see a beautiful body<br />through glass bricks<br />in a bathroom<br /><br />if only the way forward, could be clear<br />but it's like trying to play a game<br />that no-one ever taught you<br />where the rules are always changing<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />there'd be a sign, pointing clearly<br />in one direction<br />instead of spinning in the wind<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />there'd be trails of bodies<br />on the paths that shouldn't be taken<br />piling up and blocking the way<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />then the world wouldn't sound like an orchestra<br />forever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played<br /><br />(move forward<br />take a couple of steps<br />turn right<br />take two steps forward again<br />turn left)<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear<br />but it's like someone whispering directions<br />in your left ear<br />while another voice recites poetry in your right<br /><br />If only the way forward was clear...

The vibration began in Jesus' pocket<br />It wouldn't normally be a problem<br />but Jesus was in the middle of a live stream<br />with his iPhone connected to his AirPods<br /><br />Unfortunately, there was a bug in the software <br />which sent the vibrating and buzzing<br />over the top of his audible address<br />to millions of his fans and followers<br /><br />Meanwhile, Kanye had joined the room<br />and was also live on the voice channel<br />along with Taylor Swift, who was already there<br />She's always been a big fan of Jesus<br /><br />The buzzing didn't stop<br />Indeed, it only got louder across the airwaves<br />awakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdism<br />He began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?'<br />The pitch went up at the end like that<br />apparently signifying a question<br />He kept saying it, over and over<br />while the buzzing continued<br />'doo doo dum dum?'<br /><br />Taylor started giggling<br />and whispered a question to Jesus<br />with imitation tears <br />'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?'<br />Jesus knew that this entire live stream<br />was compromised <br />He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzing<br />which was still growing louder <br />And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?'<br />Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manage<br />aided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know'<br /><br />The words echoed around the globe<br />For some followers this was all too much <br />and they tuned out<br />Others waited <br />to see what would happen next<br />'doo doo dum dum?'<br /><br />Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat window<br />insensitive comments and hurtful remarks<br />however true, difficult to read<br />for the small number of true followers left<br />But none of this had any effect on Jesus<br />He had removed his headphones <br />and was no longer listening, to anyone<br />He's been missing ever since

Did you hear what Elon's up to?<br /><br />He wants to plug our brains<br />directly into computers<br />so we don't have to wait so long<br />when we Google something<br /><br />He's also going to send some of us into space<br />He's already launched a car up there<br />It's still flying around the sun<br />It has travelled further than any other car<br />in the history of cars<br /><br />Elon, his name even sounds like a planet<br />Did you hear what he did in South Australia<br />when they had problems with their power infrastructure?<br />He made them a big battery, the biggest ever.<br /><br />Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar?<br />Lidar is like radar for self-driving cars<br />But Elon worked out you don't even need it<br />Because you can do it all with regular cameras<br />Huh<br /><br />Did you see Elon on Joe Rogan<br />when he smoked that joint?<br />He didn't even get high<br />I guess because he's already such a space man<br />or maybe just because he bumsucked<br /><br />What about Elon's tunnel drilling company?<br />It's called the 'Boring' company<br />which some people might say is ironic<br />But it's not really<br /><br />When Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launch<br />It could've been a PR disaster <br />Instead, a toy company made a remote control version<br />With a cracked window decal<br />and everyone had a laugh<br /><br />Also, you know<br />that project you're working on<br />Do you know what Elon would do?<br />He'd strip it right back<br />to first principles<br />You might get a little frustrated<br />because you thought you were almost there, almost finished<br />But Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yet<br />You didn't really break it down<br />into first principles<br />like he would<br /><br />In a strange way,<br />Elon can see into the future<br />But that's hardly surprising really <br />because he's making the future<br /><br />Thanks Elon.

music and prose by Roly Skender<br /><br />I arrive at the palace by bus<br /><br />The Queen and I are getting on surprisingly well<br />She’s dressed elegantly in red<br />In the giant hall<br />we dance beneath chandeliers<br />and cameras flash around us<br /><br />Family, dignitaries and the press watch on<br />We talk about history and philosophy<br />She confides in me some little-known annoyances,<br />that she experiences in her role as monarch<br />It’s a job in which, she discloses,<br />she does her best<br /><br />She’s so easy to talk to<br />Then, mid-conversation, she reaches down<br />and grabs hold of my genitals<br />I push her hand away and say ‘that’s not why I’m here’<br />but I don’t really know why I’m here<br /><br />Her strength is surprising<br />With knees bent, I push her wrist away from my crotch<br />We eventually drop to the floor together<br />I apologise<br /><br />Men arrive to take her away from me,<br />but she breaks free of them and rushes towards me<br />This time I catch the force of her underarm grab<br />with both hands at her forearm<br />and the force is re-directed<br /><br />I remain in a broad, bent-knee stance<br />as my feet slide backwards across the dance floor<br />I narrowly avoid contact with a table of canapes<br />Quite suddenly, it’s time to leave<br /><br />But I enjoyed dancing<br />with the queen

My shadow<br />he walks close to me<br />Sometimes I tell him<br />'hey! hang back a little' <br />but he likes to be right by my side.<br />I think it gives him a sense of control,<br />even though, if it wasn't for me<br />he wouldn't even be there<br />For the most part,<br />I just ignore him<br />and nobody else seems to notice<br />that he's even there<br /><br />My shadow<br />he walks close to me<br />He'll whisper in my ear from time to time<br />and say things, that (if it was anyone else)<br />could be taken the wrong way<br />I guess he thinks<br />we've known each other so long<br />that it's better to get to the point<br />without wasting time<br />and he's just being honest<br /><br />My shadow, can't hear very well<br />(maybe because he doesn't have ears)<br />so I'll tell you...<br />In truth, if he could have his own way<br />he'd want the whole world <br />to be as dark as he is.<br />He always wants to lie down<br />with the lights off<br />and the curtains closed<br />as if the world outside<br />isn't there<br /> <br />He doesn't care.<br />He won't talk to anyone except me<br />He doesn't like people <br />He doesn't even like food that much <br />But we do chat sometimes<br />He tells me about the amazing scale<br />of the universe<br />and how nothing really matters in the end <br />I can kind of see where he's coming from<br /> <br />My shadow<br />he walks close to me<br />Luckily, when I'm smiling<br />he can't see

Music - Franz Liszt: 3 Concert Etudes S.144, R5<br /><br />I read some of my old writing<br />It was awful<br /><br />It was in a green duffel bag<br />which hadn't been unzipped for 20 years<br />The other night, I found it again.<br />As soon as I saw the striped blue book cover<br />I knew what to expect<br />and braced myself...<br /><br />I opened the book <br />and the words flew out<br />from the page<br />at my face<br />like bats<br />They tried to scratch my eyes out<br />get inside my mouth<br />and re-form themselves<br />The struggle left me exhausted<br />with blood dripping down my cheek<br /><br />So I tore the book to pieces<br />and screwed up the pages<br />and poured lighter fluid on them<br />in a metal bin<br /><br />Ready to set it all ablaze,<br />something changed my mind<br />A split-second decision<br />to save something,<br />even just a couple of lines<br /><br />But as I reached down to grab the papers<br />the top of the lighter<br />made contact with the edge of the bin<br />Something sparked<br />The whole thing ignited<br />and my arm was on fire<br /><br />Eventually, I managed to pat it out <br />with the curtain<br />and the bin was still on fire<br />and that awful writing<br />was gone

In difficult, unpredictable times <br />it's easy to forget<br />how good,<br />a fresh pair of undies<br />can make you feel<br /><br />Fresh undies are soft<br />They sit against your skin,<br />so gently<br />It's as if you're not even wearing them<br /><br />And a fresh pair of undies<br />doesn't judge you<br />or ask you to cough<br />in another direction<br />or give you any concern<br />about things you can't see<br /><br />Quite the opposite...<br />Fresh undies just sit with you<br />through the noise<br />They give you nothing but comfort<br />and ask for little in return<br /><br />There are clues everywhere<br />As to the importance of fresh undies<br />Phrases like "it's what's underneath that matters",<br />or "if you scratch beneath the surface, you'll find she's really a nice person"<br />Fresh undies are like starting the day<br />from first principles<br />Elon Musk probably wears fresh undies<br /><br />What a great metaphor they are<br />for a new beginning<br />Fresh undies can bring<br />a little bit of hope into the world<br />And give you a quiet confidence<br />They also have certain 'secret' powers<br />related to the placebo effect <br />and have sometimes, even been known<br />to cure depression <br /><br />Take that old pair of undies you're wearing<br />How sad they are...<br />Will they make you feel special this morning?<br />Or are they are a signifier<br />of something you've almost forgotten<br />Be nice to yourself<br /><br />Because in difficult, unpredictable times <br />It's easy to forget <br />how good,<br />a fresh pair of undies<br />can make you feel<br /><br />There's really no feeling that compares<br />to fresh undies<br /><br />Thanks for listening

The audiophile is a salesman<br />In a moment, he sees me<br />down at the 'low end' of things<br />with $200 headphones<br /><br />$4000 headphones<br />'what's the difference?' he says,<br />and whispers, 'Most people won't even hear it'<br /><br />His tone tickles my ear<br />He acknowledges me<br />as if he and I<br />are in the same tribe<br />Brothers, connected<br /><br />We are both<br />appreciators of nuance<br />Understanding of the complicated<br />true nature<br />of high end audio<br /><br />The audiophile wants to take me on a journey.<br /><br />Or at least start me off<br />on a journey of my own, when I'm ready<br />How far might I travel with his assistance?<br />Maybe, all the way. <br /><br />He tells me I may not notice it at first.<br />But over time, my ears will begin to hear<br /><br />Hear the difference<br />between vacuum tube and transistor<br />copper and gold<br />Science and pseudo-science<br /><br />Remember, it's a journey<br /><br />But he can tell I'm not ready<br />Not ready to commit<br />to take this journey with him<br />not all the way, not yet <br />So he treads gently...<br /><br />We listen to a recording of solo spanish guitar<br />Through $22,000 dollar speakers <br />The audiophile asks, 'can you feel him sitting here, in the room with us?'I reply yes... yes<br /><br />On the verge of conversion<br />It occurs to me<br />Maybe I've been missing something<br /><br />This journey, is a one-way trip<br />Connected to a part of the brain<br />much deeper than the ear<br /><br />The audiophile's intensity increases<br />Sensing my weakness, he pounces...<br />but too soon, for I've already found my escape<br /><br />This technology, it's not about the sound<br />It's just something in the way<br />that it tickles your ears.<br />And some people like having their ears tickled

Advice for Songwriters<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />In a comfortable, air-conditioned room<br />With plenty of time on your hands<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />In a happy relationship<br />Or in a rainforest,<br />with friends you love<br /><br />Because you can't write a song<br />When you're happy, and everything is going your way<br />Or when you've just won an award... <br />Even if it's an award for songwriting<br /><br />By the way I just bought a vinyl record <br />of Beethoven, <br />played by the Berlin Philharmonic<br />for one dollar<br />That's what you're up against<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />Sucking on a menthol<br />Or chewing gum<br />Or if you just brushed your teeth<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />At your parents house<br />Unless they abused you<br />And they're not there<br />And you still hate them for it<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />When you're getting paid good money<br />Or when you've just bought a new car <br />Or after listening<br />To an inspiring Ted talk<br /><br />You can't write a song<br />At a music festival<br />Or on a holiday<br />Or in a swimming pool<br /><br />You can't even write a song<br />When you paid for your own whiskey<br />Or if it's your birthday<br />Or if there's a rainbow in the sky<br /><br />Strangely, you can write a song<br />When you've given up on writing songs<br />Or when you're meant to be doing something else<br />Or when you walked home from the party because you were too stoned<br />and you got bitten by a dog<br /><br />You can write a song<br />in the in-between spaces<br />Like when you've run out of time<br />because you need to be somewhere else<br />Or when you're just jealous as fuck<br />Because someone did it better than you<br /><br />With that in mind<br />Take no notice of these instructions<br />They are a ruse <br />Because the world doesn't need any more songs<br />We have enough already<br /><br />Thank you.

Somewhere out in space, there's a ladder <br />If you climb all the way up, you can look down,<br />not just on the earth, or even the solar system,<br />but the whole galaxy <br /><br />It's very high up there <br />But of course, directions like up or down <br />don't mean the same thing, <br />when you're in space <br /><br />Staring back at the spiral arms of the milky way, you notice the whole structure is vibrating <br />And shimmering with a beautiful, silver glow <br />It feels good to be outside of the earth for a change <br />Because all the things you worried about there, are so far away <br /><br />In the distance, you notice an object coming towards you <br />It looks a bit like a cloud <br />You realise instinctively, <br />this is your personal transport to the next level <br /><br />Stepping aboard the space cloud <br />You can barely imagine what the next level will be like <br />Luckily, it doesn't take long to reach your destination <br />Of course, time works a little differently too <br />When you're in space <br /><br />On arrival, your cloud ship dissipates <br />And before you lies the wonder of the whole universe <br />You expected it to look a lot more like a sponge, or a giant network of cobwebs <br />However, this universe is nothing like you imagined <br /><br />There's a fireplace, a shaggy brown rug and a recliner chair facing away from you <br />On a small coffee table next to the recliner <br />is an old pipe, still smouldering <br /><br />You walk towards the chair to find that it's empty, <br />which is the exact moment that you suddenly understand <br />everything there is to understand, in the entire universe <br /><br />Then you disappear, and forget everything... again

There's a little man inside my head <br />He's in charge of the engine <br />He runs on just 10 watts! <br />He's changing gears all the time <br />Making sure I wake up… and sleep <br />Mostly I don't even know he's there <br />Sometimes I wonder what he gets up to, when I'm not paying attention <br /><br />This little man inside my head <br />He keeps the whole system in balance <br />And he runs on just 10 watts! <br />When I forget things, sometimes, he reminds me <br />If the engine gets stuck in a loop, he'll try and shut it down for a little while <br />Occasionally, he heads towards the front and looks out the window <br /><br />Depending on what's out there, he might tell me to keep quiet, and don't say that thing which was balancing on the tip of my tongue <br />The little man inside my head <br />He gets tired sometimes <br />Tired of telling me the same thing, over and over <br />Sometimes I feel, like… I'm disappointing him <br />But he tells me it doesn't matter <br />Because it's too late <br />It's too late