Rippin' on the Rock: A Rock N Lol Podcast
By Rippin' On The Rock: A Rock N LOL Podcast
Join Cameron, Memphis and John every Wednesday for a new episode! No band is safe...unless we TRULY don't like your band. Then you're probably safe.
Rippin' on the Rock: A Rock N Lol PodcastApr 17, 2023
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Ep. 013 - Lil' ROTR Finale!
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 012 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 011 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 010 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 009 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 008 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 007 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 006 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 005 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 004 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 003 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 002 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
Ep. 001 - Lil' ROTR
Lil' ROTR: An Audio Adventure!
Join Cameron Poe as he regales you with fantastic fantastical tales from the imagined youth of your beloved ROTR hosts!
ROTR Presents: Pop-Punk The Aughts Parodies
A compilation of parodies from our Pop-Punk The Aughts series!
ROTR Presents: Creed Parodies
A compilation of the parodies from our Creed series!
ROTR Presents: Dread-ed Nü Metal Parodies
A compilation of parody commercials from our Dread-ed Nü Metal series!
ROTR Presents: Kid Rock Parody Commercials
We compiled the parody commercials from our first series on Kid Rock!
Ep. 009 - Blink 182 "Miss You"
The boys finally made it out of Frederick's fucked up circus. As they exited the tent, they squinted against the evening sun hanging low in the sky. When their eyes adjusted, they noticed the once empty parking lot was full of cars.
"Whoa. Where'd all these people come from? They certainly weren't in th-" Cameron said turning to point at the tent behind them but stopped short. "What the fuck? Where'd it go?"
The tent had vanished. A large field stood where it was and off in the distance they could just make out what looked like a stage.
"Hey, wait a minute," John said, turning his head like a dog to listen to the faint music emanating from the stage. "That sounds familiar...holy shit! I think that's Blink 182!"
"I think you're right!" Memphis exclaimed. "Let's go check it out!"
Memphis and John took off at a run towards the stage.
"No one else is concerned about the disappearing circus?" Cameron yelled after them before reluctantly following.
As the boys got closer, they began to hear the crowd singing along "What's My Age Again?" and they could just make out what looked like Mark, Tom and Travis on stage.
"Whoa! When did Mark and Tom get back together?" Memphis yelled excitedly. "Let's hurry and catch the show before it's over!"
They took off at a Sprint and a few minutes later they made it to the back of the crowd.
"Fuck...you...guys." John said breathing hard. "Don't ever make me run like that again."
The band just finished "I'm Feeling This" and they began to take off their instruments.
"Fuck. Did we miss the whole thing?" Cameron said with disappointment.
"I don't know maybe...wait...is that a stand up bass guitar?" Memphis said.
"It's actually a member of the viola family," John corrected. "But yeah, and I think Travis has jazz brushes too."
The band launched into the beginning of "I Miss You" and the boys were excited they were at least getting to see one song performed. Cameron turned to see a guy standing by himself near them. He was crying and mouthing the words "I Miss You."
"Guys!" Cameron said shouting in their ears and pointing. "Is that fucking Scott Raynor?"
So ends the pop punk journey of Cameron, Memphis and John. Join them next time on another exciting journey...or you know, relisten to this one.
Highlights include: Orville Population: Delicious; Hey Dude; Butt's in a name; Scott Raynor Shine; BEST damn drummer in the world; Second Skin; Jerry's Kids; Hella weed; Good word maker; All Acoustic; Not A Single Thing Right; Is he gonna bang that dead girl?; Halloween on Halloween; Treasonous Calls; Guess Who? The Butterfly Effect, that's who.
Ep. 008 - SR71 "Right Now"
The boys decided against the glowing ice cream. Calories and whatnot. They exited the parlor and entered a massive room much like the first one they encountered.
"Is this where we came in?" Cameron asked, looking around.
"I don't know. All this shit looks the same." John grumbled. "I'm just ready to get the fuck out of here."
"Yeah." Memphis agreed. "I kinda want to go home right now."
After Memphis said "right now" they heard a loud boom and the floor began to open up again as before. They were expecting the same stage with the animatronic band to rise out of the hole but instead a large black plane emerged.
"The fuck is that?" Cameron yelled.
"I think that's a Blackbird." Memphis said, eyes wide. "You know, an SR-71. Those things are fast as shit."
"What the hell is it doing here?" John asked, not looking up from the golf game on his phone.
Just then, the cockpit opened up and a guy in a flight suit jumped out. He waved to the boys to come over as he turned to open a panel on the plane.
"I guess we should see what he wants." Cameron said, eyes squinting with suspicion.
As they got closer to the plane they realized the pilot was none other than Jason Biggs.
"Oh wow! It's Jason Biggs from the hot movie Loser!" Memphis exclaimed, searching his pockets. "Hang on, I think I have the poster here somewhere."
"What are you doing here?" Cameron asked. "Can you really fly that plane? Also did you really fuck that pie?"
"I sure did. I sure can and I heard you guys were looking to get out of here so I thought I'd give you a lift." Jason beamed, patting the plane.
"The exit's right there," John said, pointing. "That's where we came in and I nailed that nerd with my shoe."
They all turned to look. John was right.
"Aww man!" Jason said, kicking the ground. "I really wanted to show you guys Mach 3."
"Maybe next time," Memphis said. "Could you sign this real quick? Also do you have Seann William Scott's number?"
Will the boys make it out that easily? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Dr. Choice; 420 Blackbird; Pole Stars; Koby Teeth; The Luckiest Man in Baltimore; Quicker Pecker Upper; Hair Helmet; Momoa money, Momoa problems; Kind of a douchebag; SR-71 vs Sum 41: Hell in a Cell; 1985; Remember that song you hated? I wrote that; Some REAL kickass facts; Mitch the Bitch; What Happens in Vegas When No Strings are Attached
Ep. 007 - American Hi-Fi "Flavor of the Weak"
After watching Jake Busey dunk on Frederick for a while, the boys got his autograph on a Starship Troopers poster Memphis always keeps folded up in his wallet.
"Man I'm getting kinda hungry," Cameron said, lifting up his shirt and rubbing his exposed tummy. "You got anything to eat around here, Frederick?"
Frederick was still sweating and breathing hard but he managed to raise a hand and point to a door labeled "The Flavor."
The boys filed through the door and slammed it shut. Unbeknownst to them, the plate on the door fell off to reveal "The Flavour."
Inside the door, John, Memphis and Cameron looked around as they found themselves in a giant ice cream parlor.
"Holy shit! There's gotta be a hundred fucking flavors here," John yelled, pressing his face against the sneeze guard.
Suddenly an impossibly old man dressed in a pink striped suit and paper hat appeared behind the counter. The light from the freezer encasing all the delicious ice cream made his sunken eyes seem all the more sullen.
"Wut can I get ya, gents?" the man asked. His words were barely intelligible and dripping with a thick cockney accent.
"You got that Superman flavor?" Cameron asked, his eyes scanning the case greedily.
"For you, of course," he said reaching for an ice cream scoop. "The ole Superman for a proper lad. It weren't always called that though. Used to be it was called Leprechaun Sick and folks didn't find that too appealin'. Then one day I noticed it had colors right similar to that Superman fellow so I's start calling it that. It's been popular ever since."
"Taking you a long time to fill that cone huh?" John said impatiently.
"Wait a minute. Do you guys smell whiskey and cigarettes and like 40 years of groupies?" Memphis said.
"Now that you say that. This dude does look kind of familiar…" Cameron said slowly.
The man finished sculpting Cameron's cone and held it out to him.
"You all can just call me Keef and leave it at that," the man said with a smile that made the boys feel uneasy.
"What's that flavor down there? The one that's like glowing and shit." Memphis said, pointing to the far end of the counter.
"Oh you boys don't want that flavor," Keef sai, his smile disappearing. "That be the Flavour of the Weak and weren't no bloke who tried that ever felt himself quite again."
Will the boys try the Flavor of the Weak?
Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Butterscotch Root Beer; Gratefully dead; 10 Things I Hate About Ledger; Willy Wonka kills kids; Drummer Boi; Radventure Awaits; Named by Keef; Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-Bob Rock; Ice Cream Semen; Cyrus the Virus; Matchbox 20 Money; Virtual Fidelity; Rolling on Sprewells; Heavy Beating in Parking Lot; Blast from the Past; HER BOYFRIEND; The People vs. Stacy Jones; I Just Married My Boss's Daughter
Ep. 006 - The Offspring "Original Prankster"
After taking turns vomiting in the bar bathroom, Cameron, Memphis and John headed to the exit as the bartender cackled behind them.
"Holy fuck, that Malort was nasty," John said, wiping his tongue off with his sock. "This actually tastes slightly better."
"Yeah, I think I've had enough of Chicago." Memphis said. "I'm craving that SoCal vibe."
"Wasn't the knob on the other side?" Cameron asked with his face screwed up in confusion. "I don't think this is the same door."
The boys looked at each other and shrugged and opened the door. Instead of the colorful hallway, they entered a spacious although dimly-lit gymnasium and were met with the echoes of a basketball dribble.
"The fuck? Hey wait isn't that Mug--I mean Frederick over there shooting free throws?" Cameron said, pointing.
John and Memphis followed his gaze to the other end of the court where they saw Frederick in full Charlotte Hornets garb. They watched him miss shot after shot and each time he missed he yelled "AWW BUTT!"
The boys approached Frederick and he spun around when he heard their footsteps. He looked embarrassed.
"He-hey guys! Just getting some practice in." Frederick said with an uneasy smile. "You all enjoying yourselves?"
"Not really," John said, staring hungrily at the ball in Frederick's hands. "Also you should really move your elbows in when you shoot. Trust me. I played basketball. Here let me show you."
Frederick backed away. "No, that's okay." He laughed uncomfortably. "I'm just having an off day."
"Do you have any ACTUAL pop punk bands here?" Memphis asked. "Like maybe...oh I don't know... THE OFFSPRING?"
"What a coincidence!" Frederick exclaimed. "Dexter Holland is actually on his way here for a one-on-one match. In fact, I think I hear him."
Just then the opening to "Original Prankster" began blaring over the loudspeakers. There was a loud CHUNK as all the gym lights turned on at once and the boys turned to see a figure walking out of the locker room in a Toon Squad jersey.
"Holy shit! That IS Dexter" Memphis yelled.
"I don't know...he looks kinda weird." John said, his eyes darting from the figure to the basketball.
"Wait a minute...is that fucking Jake Busey?!" Cameron yelled.
What will happen next? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Shasta La Vista; Those breadsticks though; Noodles Ca-booze-les; Vincent Priceless; WCW Nitro; Spanish for Dummies; Taking a Napster; Dexter's Lab; Hot Sauce for Sissies; Flying without dying; OP not OG; Shit eaters; Reno 411; Rob Schneider is...a gimmick; Wait, Redman smokes weed?; Serious lyrics; The tip smells like shit; Chocolate diaper
ROTR Presents: J-Dogggg's Christmas Special!
Ep. 005 - Fall Out Boy "Sugar We're Goin Down"
“Well THAT was fucking awful,” John announced loudly as the boys emerged from a very loud room into a long brightly colored hallway.
Frederick had led them to what they thought was a live performance of Simple Plan featuring Jeff but instead it was just Simple Flan, a Simple Plan cover band that dressed up like the dessert.
“Yeah, pretty bad,” Cameron agreed. “I’m fucking parched. Is there anything to drink around here?”
As soon as Cameron spoke, a door appeared further down the hallway. It had “BAR” written on it gold lettering.
“Sweet. I’m gonna get me a kraft brew!” Memphis exclaimed, taking off ahead of Cameron and John.
The two chased after and followed him through the door. The boys stood in a dimly lit bar. A neon sign proclaiming “CHICAGO BABY!” buzzed on the wall behind a not-too-cheery looking bartender. There were no other customers.
“What’ll it be?” the bartender asked, looking annoyed.
“I’ll have a…hmm…lot to choose from…” Memphis said, eyeing the extensive beer listing.
“I SAID WHAT’LL IT BE I AINT GOT ALL FUCKIN DAY,” the barkeep growled, slamming his fist on the counter.
John began to slowly roll up the sleeve of his punching arm but stopped when Cameron waved him off and approached the bar amicably.
“You seem to be having a long day, pal.” Cameron said, putting on his fakest and cheesiest smile as he laid a $20 down on the bar. “Don’t worry. We tip well. Go ahead and give us three of whatever your favorite drink is.”
“That’d be Malort,” the bartender said gruffly, setting up three shot glasses.
“Malort? Never heard of it,” John said. “But it can’t be THAT bad,right?”
What happens next? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Malibu’s Most Malort-ed; Neurosis Nerd; STDs; Chicago-Style Baby!; Noodle Fuel; Billy Ray Haircut; King Pete; Ashleeeee; Goin to the Movies: Allstar-ed on Ativan; Hit me up on G-mail; Hot Take!; Sweet cover; What’s a bedpost?; Amazing chicken joke; Trapped in a closet; Parent Pranks
Ep. 004 - Simple Plan "Addicted"
The man in the suit climbed to his feet sans stilts and pants and he stood before the boys in boxer shorts with dollar signs on them.
"Whoa. I don't remember Muggsy being THIS short," exclaimed Cameron.
"I'm not him, asshole!" The man yelled. "He's just my hero. That's why I wear his jersey. My name's Frederick McCormick and this here's my circus."
"We were told you had some pop punk acts here. Is it just the bears or…" Memphis trailed off.
"Oh those are just for the tourists," Frederick said, dusting himself off.
He walked over to the nearby wall, slid back a panel and pressed a button to an intercom.
"Hey Jerry, can I get a new pair of pants?" Frederick spoke into the speaker. "Regular-size pleased. Oh and have somebody reset the bears. We're doing something different with our guests."
A garbled "Right away, Boss" came back through the speaker.
"Now, how do you boys feel about Simple Plan?" Frederick said with an eerie smile.
"Oh, fuck me. Not again." John grumbled as he finished tying his shoes.
"Are they here? We heard that Jeff guy is pretty cool," Cameron said.
"Right this way, gentleman" Frederick said with a bow.
It was soon interrupted by a man in a panda suit appearing from a hidden door. He handed Frederick a pair of dress pants.
"Goddammit, Jerry. Not while I'm being dramatic."
What happens next? Stay tuned.
Highlights: Deja Vu; Green Water; More Dumb Names; To The Face; It's Always Winter in Hockey; Open Mouth, Insert Dong; Such a Great Joke; Wrestling is back!; Dino Don Vito Bravo; You Motherfucker; JCVD BVDs; Shrinky Dinx; Resting Mah Chin; Scooby Dude; Spying On Kids!; TV Smashers; Red Peters; Welcome to My Life; Fan Pop Facts; Jeff!; So Drunk; Fwins
Ep. 003 - Good Charlotte "Little Things"
Pop Punk the Aughts Episode 3: Little Things
The boys whirled around to see a man towering over them. He was at least 12 feet tall dressed in a neon green tuxedo with incredibly long pants. A top hat with a wide brim cast a shadow over his face and only his teeth shined in the light.
“Whoa! This guy’s huge!” Cameron exclaimed.
“I’m pretty sure he’s on stilts,” Memphis said, shouting above the music.
“Are YOU the one who touched my ass?” John growled, rolling up the sleeve of his punching arm.
The man raised a hand and the animatronic bears stopped playing at once.
“I’m glad you could join me, gentlemen.” the man said. His voice was deep and gravelly. “Perhaps I could show you some--”
The man was cut off as his hat was knocked off by a shoe. Cameron and Memphis turned to see John standing sock-footed with another shoe in hand.
“Don’t mess with me, buddy. I played baseball,” John shouted.
“Wait!” Cameron shouted, holding a hand up to John. “This guy looks familiar...are...are you Muggsy Bogues?”
The man’s face filled with anger as he swung his massive cape around his face. Unfortunately, the cape also caught one of his stilt legs and he came crashing to the ground.
“Uhhhhh! I got the wind knocked out of me! Uhhhh!” the man yelled, clutching at his chest.
He ripped open his dress shirt to reveal a Charlotte Hornets jersey.
“Holy shit!” the boys yelled in unison.
What happens next? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: All-star; Justin Tenorlake; Mr. Butterworth; Christmas Badass; Niche-talgia; Connections; Creepin on a Duff; Grenade Gloves; Richie Rich; Veepin; American Murder Crew; It’s a joke, fuck you; Anonymous; Benji adds a lot; Crankyankers
Ep. 002 - Sum 41 "Fat Lip"
They walked forward fanning out left, right and center. Their footsteps were muffled by some sort of astroturf.
"Do you guys hear that? It sounds like gears grinding," Memphis whispered.
"Who just touched my ass?!" John yelled, swinging his fists wildly in the dark.
Cameron took out his phone and attempted to switch on the flashlight but the screen remained black.
"That's weird. My phone's not working. There must be some kind of jammer in here."
"Yeah or your phone just sucks," Memphis scoffed, taking out his own phone. "Shit, mine's not working either."
"Seriously, which one of you fucking touched my ass?" John yelled.
Just then the vast room exploded with light and a familiar riff began.
"Oh shit! Is that Fat Lip?" Cameron exclaimed as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. " Is Sum 41 here?"
"I don't think so," Memphis said slowly. His eyes were transfixed on the center of the room where a large stage arose.
Atop the stage were animatronic bears dressed in 2000s pop-punk fashion. Dyed hair. Lip rings. Guyliner. The works.
As the lead bear crudely mouthed "Storming through the party like my name was El Niño," the boys suddenly heard a voice behind them.
"Welcome, gentleman."
Who is this? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Dumb names; Raw Cones; Basically Jackass; Buzzy D draining threes; Greeeg; Great story; Infinite money; All American Pie; Gallagher Slammed; Hotdog Hot Water; Avril Levine: The Only Woman in Canada; Derryck's Drinking Failure; Marrying up; Return of the Mack; Dead Air; Great Cover; Skirmarkin up and down the block; High School Hero; Jiminy Cricket; Old Unreliable; Temple of Doom
Ep. 001 - Green Day "American Idiot"
The boys eased the van into the parking lot and slowly got out. Cameron, John and Memphis stood before a towering bright green and orange circus tent. Scrawled in the banner above the entrance were the words "Punx Rawk!" with a little anarchy symbol in place of the A.
"You sure this is the place?" John asked, looking around. "There aren't any people."
"Yeah, this is the address Blink Stinkson gave us." Cameron replied, pulling out his phone. "I guess I could tex--whoa. You guys have service? My phone has negative four bars."
Memphis, who had been examining the asphalt near the van, checked his phone as well.
"Yeah, I got nothing. Does this look like blood to you guys?" Memphis asked, pointing at a large stain on the tarmac.
Before either of the other two could answer, there was a loud boom followed by a swirl of smoke emerging from the tent entrance. A dark cackle beckoned them.
"Step right up boys! We're only in town one night and one night only! This is your chance to see ALL the greatest pop-punk acts from 2000 to 2009 and the best part is: IT'S ALL FREE!"
The voice trailed off into more laughter as the boys looked at each other.
"This seems like a bad idea," John said.
"Yeah, probably," Cameron replied, locking the van with the key fob. "But I didn't take the day off work to play it safe."
The boys approached the tent and stepped inside. What awaits them? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Pop or Punk; Drop a Dook; Sherminator; Gilman Street Geeks; Steven Seagull; Sellouts; A Mighty Dick; Woodstock Ninety-Bore; Shootin' kids; Good Riddance to Bad Songs; Masters of the Screwed-niverse; Fear Factor ruined America; A Pipeline to Walmart; Broadway Bros; YEAH BABY: Sea bass; Jingoistic; SCUT; Kutcher'd
Pop Punk The Aughts Trailer
ROTR Presents: Riffin' On The Rock Vol. 4
ROTR Presents: Riffin' On The Rock Vol. 3
ROTR Presents: Riffin' On The Rock Vol. 2
Ep. 006 - Creed "One Last Breath"
Creed Edition: Episode 6: "One Last Breath"
When last we left the boys, they were holding down a man they thought to be Scott Stapp.
“SAY YOU'RE SCOTT! SAY IT!” Memphis yelled in his face.
“I’m not Scott Stapp! I swear you guys!” the man squealed.
“Oh yeah? Then who are you?” Cameron said, the toy uzi full of hot sauce trained on the man’s balls.
“I’m…” the man let out a heavy sigh. “I’m Meatloaf.”
“The singer?” John said. “Fuck that. You got proof?”
Meatloaf reached into his pants and pulled out his wallet. His Driver’s License didn’t lie. It said Meatloaf right on there.
“Shit. You’re a dead ringer for Scott though,” Memphis said, helping Meatloaf to his feet.
“Hey thanks! That’s what I was going for! I had to put on a few pounds but I think I captured the look.” Meatloaf said. “I really was trying to help you guys but I totally forgot that Scott and his family moved to Nashville, Tennessee.”
“Son of a bitch!” John yelled, punching a wall.
“That’s fucking Kid Rock territory you guys. I ain’t trying to get murdered. You remember what happened last time.”Cameron stammered.
“Yeah you’re right…” Memphis said with a forlorn look on his face. “I guess....I guess we could hit the beach since we’re already here.”
“Hell yeah bros! Let’s get some margs and scope out some beach babes!” Meatloaf exclaimed.
And so ended the boys’ pursuit of the Redeemer Scott Stapp. They had some good times along the way and only got diarrhea twice. All in all, it was a pretty good trip.
We’ll see ya next time!
Highlights include: Amaz-on point review; Emoji Movie; Scott goes bananas; Commitment Issues; Scott’s kids are HILARIOUS; Pushin’ their buttons; Scott’s Time Out; Dupergroup; TKO’d; You’re not allowed to listen to music; Surreal fo sho; Aaron Curtis; More than Six Feet down; Burning Bridges; One Last Word
Ep. 005 - Creed "Bullets"
Creed Edition: Episode 5: "Bullets"
The boys made it to Tallahassee in record time with the “police” escort. The beat-up cruiser pulled up in front of a huge mansion and the “cop” jumped out. John eased the Winnebago in behind him and turned to Memphis and Cameron.
“Okay we got to play this real cool. This dude could be dangerous,” he said.
“Don’t worry. I’m packin’.” Cameron said as he lifted up his shirt to reveal a realistic looking Uzi. “It’s just a toy full of hot sauce. Like in Airheads. Remember Airheads guys?”
The boys filed out of the Winne and followed the “cop”up the sidewalk to the house.
“Hey, what was your name again, sir?” Memphis said, glancing at the others.
“Me? Didn’t I tell ya? It’s Steve.” the cop said, not turning around.
When they reached the front door, Steve looked at them and smiled. “See? I told you I knew where he lived!”
He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and began unlocking the door.
“Wait what? How do you have keys?” John asked, flabbergasted.
“Oh Scott lent them to me.” Steve said as the door swung open.
The boys walked into a very spacious, very grandiose and very EMPTY mansion.
“There’s nothing here,” Cameron said, inching his hand towards the toy Uzi. “Where’s Scott? What is this place?”
“That’s so weird. He was just here 2 years ago.”Steve said, scratching his head. As he did, a long greasy lock of hair fell out from under his trooper hat. He walked into the kitchen.
Memphis motioned to the guys and indicated he had an idea. “Say Steve, don’t you think it’s really dark in here? You could probably see better without those sunglasses.”
“Nah I’m good. I don’t really like to show my face that mu--” Steve was cut off by the boys jumping him from behind. They pulled off his hat and sunglasses.
“I fucking knew you looked familiar!” Memphis shouted. “It’s you! You’re Scott Stapp!”
Is Memphis right? Have they finally found the man of legend? All this and more will be answered in the thrilling conclusion to Creed Edition. Stay Tuned.
Highlights include: Holy diver; Suicidal Tendencies; Shoot Em Up; Scott Skalari; Wacky Jackie; MY President; I LIKE TO FIGHT; 311 Punch Party; Orange You Glad I Didn't Say 'Gina; Full Circle Jerk; Still Tuckin'; Yarlins Soar; Vidya Games; 18 Hour Days; LOOK AT ME; Stabbed in the Back
Ep. 004 - Creed "Higher"
Creed Edition: Episode 4: “Higher”
The boys started cruisin’ when they came across that Florida-Georgia line. Cameron was weavin the Winne this way and that.
“Cut it out, dude. We’re gonna get pulled--” Memphis started to say when the sound of sirens cut him off. Checking the rearview mirror, Cameron noticed the flashing lights and pulled the Winnebago over.
The cop approached the driver’s side window. “Doin a little drinking in there, son?”
“No, sir,” Cameron answered. “We’re just on our way to see Scott Stapp.”
The cop’s mouth fell open and he lowered his sunglasses “You talkin’ THE Scott Stapp? From that band Creed?”
“Yes, sir. We’re hoping to find him in Tallahassee.” Memphis said from the passenger seat.
“Well shoot! You know how many times I’ve pulled that sumbitch over? He even invited me to his Christmas party one year because I pretended not to see an open bottle of Jack between his legs. Hell I’ll take you right to him! Police escort!”
The cop walked back to his car and moved in front of the Winnebago. “Follow me, boys! Yeehaw!!” he yelled as he passed.
“The fuck is going on? I’m trying to sleep!” John yelled from the back.
“This cop dude is taking us to Scott. His name was...Memphis did you catch his name?” Cameron asked.
“No...actually he wasn’t even wearing a uniform...just the hat and sunglasses....wait is the back window of that cop car busted?” Memphis said pointing ahead.
“Uh oh,” said Cameron, gulping.
Does this “cop” really know the way to Scott or are the boys being led to their untimely deaths? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Poop jokes; Holy Father; Scott gets Burns-ed; Hall of Famer; Cowboy Creed; I’m the QB!; Phone to the Face; Breaking Dad; Scott the Hulk; Crippled Creed; DUNK ON ‘EM; Back to Chicago; Gotta break up to make up; Heaven on Earth; Cringe Factor Five; It’s about dreams, guys, not heaven; Stealing shit
Ep. 003 - Creed "What If"
After a few hours of driving Cameron decided to go take a nap in the back of the Winnebago and let John drive. Memphis was still riding shotgun. His eyes half open, Memphis was slipping in and out of sleep and muttering “How did he survive that tornado with a belt? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Hey Raines. Wake up.” John said loudly.
Memphis snapped awake. “What’s up?” he said, yawning.
“I was thinking...what if we didn’t go to Tallahassee?” John said, his eyes not leaving the road in front of him.
“What? But that’s where Scott is?” Memphis replied.
“Yeah but what if he’s not there? What if he moved? What if he’s in...oh I don’t know...LAS VEGAS NOW. What if we went there, huh? Wouldn’t that be fun?” John said, getting noticeably more excited.
John turned to face his passenger and Memphis recoiled in horror as he noticed his eyes. John’s pupils had been replaced with dollar signs.
“What the fuck? How is that possible? Can you even see anything right now?” Memphis said, his eyes flicking towards the glovebox where he knew he had stashed a can of bear mace.
“What if I CAN see, Memphis? WHAT IF I CAN?!” John was shouting now. His eyes had turned back to the road but the green glow from the dollar signs reflected off of the windshield. “WHAT IF I CAN SEE EVERYTHING? THE CHIPS? THE CARDS? THE PISSED STAIN SEATS? WHAT IF TOOK THIS EXIT? WHAT IF I LEFT I-NIIIIINE?”
John’s screaming was replaced by the yarling of one Scott Stapp belting out “What if.” Cameron bolted upright and awake. The Winnebago was quiet. John and Memphis seemed to be discussing lunch up front.
“The fuck just happend?” Cameron croaked, eyes squinting and mouth slightly agape.
“Dude, you fell asleep. I guess you had a nightmare or something.” Memphis said, turning to look at Cameron. “We’re thinking of stop--WHOA why is your dick hard?”
Was Cameron’s dream prophetic? Is the boys’ quest doomed from the start? Will they make it to Tallahassee? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Scott’s childhood was basically the movie Frailty; Norah Jones? Really?; Woodstock and Two Smoking Barrels; Money for water and the shits for free; Even Worse Album Fart; Scream Creed; Zach Braffin it; That guy from the Office; Who the fuck likes Heath bars?; You crossed a line, Daughtry; Fifty-three Times; Scott’s a tough guy; School Daze
Ep. 002 - Creed "What's This Life For"
"What's the matter, Memphis?" Cameron asked he they pulled into another motel between here and Tallahassee.
"I don't know, man. Sometimes I think: For what is this life? Ya know?" he replied, looking forlorn.
"Thank you for wording that properly." Cameron beamed, as he slightly adjusted the graduation cap on his head that he always wore. "But yeah who knows? Maybe there is no point. It's just living it up until you die."
"Like Livin La Vida Loca?" Memphis asked. "That makes sense. Hand me that mushroom juice."
Just then, John burst out of the Winnebago bathroom, pants still around his ankles. "The fuck did I just hear? You better cut that shit out. Scott would not approve….also we're out of toilet paper."
"Mil-tonnnnn." Cam and Memph said in unison, rolling their eyes while Cameron firmly pressed the button for the laugh track generator installed in all Winnebagos.
Will the boys last another night on the road or will their collective self-doubt slam their Winne into the concrete pylons of depression? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Bono is a Christian; Soundscam; Seven Minus Three; Why so serious?; Rock N Roll Jesus; Fanatic Fan Tats; Album Fart; Post-Grunge Shredded Creed; What is Scott for?; Halloween: H20-icide; Soul stuff; Messiah is Complex; A Bridge to Nowhere; You’d tell me if I was dead right?
Ep. 001 - Creed "My Own Prison"
Cameron Poe, Memphis Raines and John Milton are back with a vengeance. This time they’re up against a band so righteous they make the Doobie Brothers look like fucking Satanists. That’s right. Jesus ain’t just alright with Creed, he’s their goddamn inspiration. But alas, the band has long since separated and only one man could bring them back together. Did I say man? I meant demigod. I speak of course of the one, the only, Scott Stapp. The boys loaded up their Winnebago and set a course for Florida. Tallahassee that is. Will they see the man who made the Marlins soar or has Scott once again dropped off the face of the Earth? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Sin City; Whatchu Yarlin’ Bout?; Silly Can Holders; Pearl Slam; Yarl only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off; Weekday Elvis; Evil Stepfather; Guitars are the devil; Snitch on me twice, shame on me; Prison Apartment; Making his Mark Tremonti; Pyramid Schemin; Clumsy Demons; Nelson Mandela FX; Gabriel sounds like a dick; Bad, bad kids; Yarl Mary
CREED is Coming September 1!
In this six part series, Cameron Poe, Memphis Raines and John Milton will explore Creed’s humble and pious beginnings as they went from Christian Rock to slightly-less Christian Rock. We’ll hear about frontman Stapp's troubles with the law. He really created his own prison. Also that time they fired their bass player for dissing Pearl Jam. He must have been thinking "What's This Life For?"
We’ll see Creed get "Higher" and reach the heights of the top of Top 40 radio and while Scott Stapp stood six feet from that edge he turned to Casey Kasem with his "One Last Breath" and said “Fuck it. I’ll break up the band.” before hurtling himself off the cliff into a dark pit of addiction and douchebaggery.
All of this and more await you on this auditory adventure. Join us won’t you, pilgrims?
We’ll show you the way to the light...and also make fun of the band a lot.
Check us out on rotrpodcast.com for new and past episodes and be sure to follow us on Twitter @ROTR_podcast for news and show updates.
ROTR Presents: Riffin' On The Rock Vol. 1
Highlights include: Master of Disguise; Nick Cave Dwellers; Sum Forty Bums; Brandon Boyd is hot; Church of Marilyn Manson; You're kid is dumb; I don't want to be your friend anymore; Sad sad songs; Sufjan Steezin; Listening habits; Osker By Gosh; Such Great Hawthorne Heights
Ep. 009 - Rob Zombie "Dragula"
Several hours later…
With the rental van on it's last legs, Cameron, John and Memphis somehow make it up to the Hollywood Hills. "How do we know which house is his?" Cameron asked. "Look." Memphis replied, pointing. The boys turned to look and there parked on the street in front of a spooky looking compound was THE Dragula. The one from the video that looked cool as shit. There was a black goat sleeping on the hood. He hissed when they approached and lowered his head in the classic "I'm-Gonna-Fuck-You-Up" goat stance. Will the boys be able to drive the car or will the goat make them run away like little living dread girls? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Tom Zombie; Too many song puns; Hah-vad Yahd; Childhood Zeroes; Red meat’ll kill ya; Carnival Carnage; RAW is no more; And a Parsons school NYC; Pee-wee's Piss Play; Gettin Geffen; Beavis and Butt-Head Do A-Favor-ca; White Trash on Acid; Rob's a Dick; Fabrige Egg Omelet; Who stole the cookies?!; Drink it all in front of me; Future Crow; Tommy Lee-ch; Walmart fucked the kids; Horror-rible Movies; Never gonna stop Edge; FOR THE SHOW; Ska Night: Enter the Womb; Goats are cool; Russian Rob; Fuck you, Wind; I smoke witches; Ratfink Army Hammer; TASTED AWFUL; Chaoseum; See Ya Next Time!
Ep. 008 - Dope "Everything Sucks"
After defeating the bug menace Super Trooper style, the boys pack up the van and head to NYC, NüYark baby. They spend several hours looking for the band Dope but it seems that no one has a clue who they are. "You know, that NüMetal band from the early 2000s. They had dreads. They had that 'You Spin Me Round' cover." the boys would say but they would only get confused looks in return and the occasional "Eh, I'm walking here!"
When all hope for Dope seemed lost, Cameron noticed a hair salon where all the stylists had dreads. Upon inquiring, they discovered it was in fact owned by Edsel Dope himself. Will the boys get to interview the king of interviews or will they just get their hair did? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Drugs are bad; Black silk underwears; A PERFECT Rodman impression; 2 bros slinging dope; Edsel Ford ain't no dope...no wait yes; Such a great interview; Jack Daniels AGAIN; Zim Zum did some; When your best song is a cover; Best Little Strip Club in Texas; More hair than brains; When in doubt, blame 9/11; Tripp sliding away...to prison; Static-excon; Boohoo and Fuck you; Facebook fight; Beat down from the clowns; They didn't sell a TON of records; Forceable Entry; Blast from the past; Cool video; John Denver back from the dead; NuMetal covers
Ep. 007 - SevenDust "Denial"
After turning the corn demons to ethanol, the boys fill up the van and head south to the great state of Georgia. Hotlanta. ATL. That city with the airport. Also home to none other than NüMetal champions Sevendust. Upon arriving, they immediately notice tents on all the buildings. A man in a biohazard suit approaches them and explains the city's been evacuated do to a massive bug infestation (interstellar spiders?). "We've been blasting them with Sevendust all day and night but it doesn't seem to be working."
"Wait, the band or the poison?" John asked.
"The band. It's always worked before." The man replied, clearly in denial.
"Maybe try the poison." Memphis said.
"Well I guess it's worth a shot." The man replied.
Will the pesticide designed to kill bugs work better than blasting NüMetal? Also why is the Waffle House still open? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Svën Düst; What's in a name-change; Dave Matthews Bad; Lajon Claude Van Damn good voice; Screaming for a living; Radio rock the party; Put you in my Crawlspace; MK Ultra; Dudes get sued; Grandma's Garage; This ink don't stink; Gold teef when I style; DON'T get arrested in Slovakia; I wanna (throw) rock!; Dispense with Dez; JR is unbeatable; In Sevendust, we HAVE no money!; Nancy Graced; A Human Beehive; Amaz(on)ing reviews; Who plays bass like that?; Please don't eat shit; Egyptian River; Nowhere to run, bitch; Welcome to Hell.
Ep. 006 - Slipknot "Wait and Bleed"
Dread-ed NuMetal Episode 6: Slipknot "Wait and Bleed"
Fed up with the weirdos in California, Cameron, Memphis and John head east to hopefully find some nice, normal people in middle America. Little did they know, waiting in the cornfields of Iowa were some mask-clad psychos looking forward to harvest. The boys arrived in Iowa and were immediately approached by a frightened man running for his life. “HERE! PUT THESE ON! QUICK!” He tossed the boys 3 masks and continued running. They looked at each other and shrugged. Cameron put on the dog turd mask. Memphis put on the dead fish mask and John put on the Steve Buscemi mask, the most horrifying of all. Just then a mob of monstrous looking people rushed past them carrying pitchforks and torches screaming “DEATH TO THE MASKLESS!” Will the boys make it out of this terrifying state or will these outlanders meet He Who Walks Behind the Rows? Stay Tuned.
Highlights include: Jerry is creepy; Nail’d em; 9 goddamn members; Money for demo and the hits for free; Savior Corey Trailer; Cool, cool clown dude; Memphis HATES masks; Elementary School Alcoholic; Mike Patton Strikes Again; The shirt ain't right it’s torn; Sup wit all these books?; A Funny Thing Happened; Ghosts are dumb; ICP AGAIN; Manchurian Godzilla; KAIN RULEZ; Put your glasses on NOW for 3D blasphemy; Just eatin’ some pubes.
Ep. 005 - Rage Against The Machine "No Shelter"
After defeating the PE teacher in an epic 4-way arm wrestling match that definitely should have been documented and not glossed over, Cameron, Memphis and John hit the road for a short jaunt into the belly of the beast. The Great Evil itself. LA. Hollywood that is. Surely nothing good could come from this rotten place? But wait, up there, setting fire to the Hollywood sign...is that...Tom Morello? He was shouting something the boys couldn’t hear but they definitely noticed the leopard print thong he was sporting. They looked up and noticed Tim Commerford was standing on top of the H, refusing to jump. Just then Zack de la Rocha jumped into a Jeep and said “PEACE, I’M OUT!”and drove off into the wilderness. Dejected, the boys turned to leave but were stopped by Brad Wilk who offered them three glasses of Olade. He told them they had to drink it in three gulps and then turn around 3 times or his mother would burst into flames, much like the Hollywood sign behind him. Dare the boys give into this madman’s requests? Also where is the fire department? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Tinfoil Hats; Circuit City Fever; Godzilla in Manila...No wait New York; Inspector Gadget’s Robojack; Whatchu puffin, daddy?; “Yeah, I turned into doves.”; FEATURING Godzilla (ROAR); No Talent Show; Commerford’s a pussy; Fred’s a dick; 3, 6, 9 Brad Wilk’s time; HEY OLADE!; A Harvard grad showin’ nads; Apparently there’s money in politics; Steve Forbes Night Live; Go to sleep, Wall Street; EPIC Godzilla; Hollywood Zack Rocha; Seat fillers; This video is super serial; Not on Youtube?; Cliche Guarvara; These are GREAT jokes; At the Drive In “One Armed Snitcher’
Ep. 004 - (hed) p.e. "Bartender"
The boys loaded up the rental van and headed toward Huntington Beach, CA where they attended the American Bartending School. Sloe Gin Fizzes in hand, Memphis, Cameron and John decided to check out a local kickball league game but as quick as you could say “red ball to the dick” Cameron took a tumble and spilled his drink all over the blue team’s coach. He also just happened to be the PE teacher at the local high school and damned if he didn’t have that magic whistle that makes everyone do push ups. Will the boys escape this PE teacher who’s lost his head or will they be forced to do jumping jacks until they puke? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Goddammit, J-Doggg!; Pumpkin that took a poop; Spell it RIGHT!; Chizad knows what’s up; Don’t mess with Gregzilla; Sobs-fest; ICP again?; Best friends in a canoe; Crow hop that sumbitch; BIRMINGHAM; These dreads are literally killing me; Disappointing the Dutch; Tijuana Culture; Lots of Butts; Sportsball; Beast Mode; Crackhead Poser; You don’t know REHAB!
Ep. 003 - Korn "Freak on a Leash"
Cam, Memph and Johnny narrowly escape conversion and head North to Bakersfield where they heard a certain musical vegetable makes its home. When they arrive, the Children of the Korn greet them with a stirring rendition of “Freak on a Leash” including “excellent” beatboxing. After being fitted with large pants, chain wallets and black thermals, the boyz head out into the hot, hot California sun and sweat their balls off. They heard tale of a certain music store where elusive frontman Jonathan Davis sometimes plays bagpipes. Will they hear the pipes, the pipes that are calling? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Malcolm in the Middle; J-dogggg’s an idiot; Korn Kern-al Kounty; A child could write this; Baby Korn; Buck Owens Mothertrucker; Sad stuff; Mortician to Musician; Mindfreak on a leash; Patrick Duff-step; Geiger’s counter to ball of sex; Monk meets Korn; Angry Bald Guy Rant; Bullet-time; He forgot how to fly; VERY good beatboxing; Jon goes to the dentist; Something, something, fight?; Almost turned to the dark side.
Ep. 002 - POD "Boom"
Using their turn signal, Cameron, John and Memphis exit the Memphis Way and take the turnpike straight for San Diego. God’s Country. Where POD reigns supreme in their kingdom of heaven on Earth. “BOOM!” Lead singer Sonny screamed as they entered the 619, his towering presence blocking out the sun. His dreads were hanging like thick steel cables that swung this way and that. “BOOM!” again and this time Cameron awoke after being shaken awake by Memphis and John. “Get up, idiot. We’re here.” Thankfully he had not been driving at the time. What secrets will California hold? Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Our Lady of Perpetual Dread; POD pounds it out; Gettin Jesus-y With it; Enter the Dark Carnival; A bigger plan in mind; Providence 911; So many noms; This cameo will break your heart; Christ on your wrist; Not in it for the money...mostly; Ping pong gone wrong; Flash this big ass D; Uhoh, here come the boys from the South; “I shit my pants!”
Ep. 001 - Saliva "Click, Click, Boom"
In their first foray into the Land of the Dread, the boyz (Cameron Poe, Memphis Raines and John Milton) get their beaks wet with a look at the band Saliva and their mega-hit “Click Click Boom.” They knock thrice on Josey Scott's goatee piercing and are allowed entry into “The Memphis Way.” The city, not the host. This episode is but a taste of dreads to come so strap yourself in. It’s going to be a real slobberknocker. Stay tuned.
Highlights include: Come on, Eileen; Dreadlocks explained; L. Ron Hub-dread; Where did their dumb name come from?; Josey gets angry; Hey Strokes! I ain’t no joke!; And they said a Hero won’t pay us; Back in Black-tivated; I can write songs in my sleep; Jock Jams; Josh Gad rocks the house; Concave chest; This is about a gun right?; Crazy betch
DREAD-ED NÜ METAL Coming June 9th!
Fün with umlauts and matted hair!
Join Cameron Poe, John Milton, and Memphis Raines for Rippin' on the Rock's brand NÜ series DREAD-ED NÜ METAL!!!
As the name suggests, we'll be tackling all your favorite 90s and early 2000s nü metal bands where at least one member had dreadlocks. Remember how that was a thing?
In this NÜ 9-part series, you’ll be hearing us make fun of some of the greats: Rage Against the Machine, Korn, Rob Zombie. And some of the not-so-greats: Hed pe, Dope, Saliva.
Dread-ed Nü Metal debuts June 9th!