The Vegas Therapist - Ryan Wynder

This episode is a result of the thought I had while watching the documentary called Dynasty. It’s about the New England Patriots and in particular the focus on Bill Belichick and Tom Brady and how he came to be the Patriots quarterback. As Fate would have hit a huge hit on the starter at the time, Drew Bledsoe opened the door for Brady to get his opportunity! An opportunity he did not let go of and turned into 7 Super Bowls! It got me thinking about fate and the role it plays in our life. I share some experiences of how fate brought me to the place I am in my career. My challenge is for you to look at how fate has shown up in your life. More about me can be found on my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist

In this episode Ryan dives into part 2 of 2. This episode will focus more on the Defense Mechanisms we use to keep us "safe" or to keep us feeling more hurt or pain in our lives. "Most of us do not reenact the experience of the trauma itself. Instead we act out the coping strategy (or defense mechanism) we evolved to deal with the trauma.

Ryan will discuss a number of different defense mechanisms we utilize, including Terrance Real's adaptive child defense, self-abandonment, disconnection, self blame and shame, victim mentality, and the inability to receive. From this episode you will gain a better understanding of your own defense mechanisms and find out ways you can begin to move away from them and start healing.

To follow Ryan on Instagram go to @thevegastherapist or visit his website www.ryanwynder.com

Don't forget about his 14 Day Relationship Challenge, the link is available on his website!

In this episode Ryan breaks down the first of a two part episode. The focus for the first episode will be on Triggers. The word trigger itself has become a hot topic and according to MaryCatherine McDonald and her new book Unbroken, it has become a catchall for any occasion in which we have an emotion that is remotely unpleasant or unwanted. This misconception also leads to a misunderstanding of how we deal with triggers when they happen. We have learned to block and avoid instead of adapting and healing!

There are three things to be mindful of when it comes to triggers: 1. We are always conscious of our triggers, 2. Triggers are something to be avoided at all costs, 3. Not feeling anything is a realistic goal. Ultimately when it comes to triggers they are a sign that there things that we have not yet processed. Because of that we need to pay attention to them, acknowledge them, and honor ourselves by doing the work to reduce the impact they have on us.

You can follow Ryan on Instagram @thevegastherapist or go to his website www.ryanwynder.com

Check out my 14 Day Relationship Challenge - link on website

Just in time for Father's Day! In this episode I sit down with David Frey, who is currently a marriage researcher and coach for men who want to be better husbands in their relationships. David himself has been married for 33 years to Ingrid Frey. They met as missionaries in Bolivia and started dating in college. They adopted two children at birth. Their names are Sterling, who is 26 and Alina, who is 21. David has worked as an executive in the business world and as a solo entrepreneur for over 23 years. David has had a genetic disease that has no cure and so he decided to set aside his business career to help men become better husbands. He’s the author of the book titled, “301 Ways to Become a High Value Husband.” Currently he is working on a new book titled - The #1 Rule for High Value Husbands.

Our episode will focus on his most recent book and the number 1 rule, which is Taking Ownership - David will define what that looks like in our lives, as well as discuss what happens when men do not take ownership in their relationships.

Finally, we discuss the 9 Aspects of creating an Ownership Lifestyle that will produce a more fulfilling and connected relationship with our partner and those around us.

To connect with David you can find him on Facebook or Instagram @davidfrey.highvaluehusbands

You can find me on my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist

Check out my 14 Day Relationship Challenge as well, the link for that is on my website.

In this episode, I welcome in Kathy Moffat, who currently is a Relationship Coach. For this show though, she is hear to share her story about raising a child that has severe Mental Health issues. Kathy and I have been intertwined for 16 years now as we have worked together in helping her son. This was a very real and vulnerable conversation about the challenges that come with having a child that experiences these things. Kathy digs into some of the more difficult topics such as fear, disappointment, and dealing with the potential of suicide with your child. She shares her process of moving from "fixing them" to an acceptance of this being a life long journey. Kathy gives some great insight and advice for parents who may be dealing with similar issues, things she wish she had known, what she has learned from her experiences, and the importance of self-care.

A critical part of the conversation was how Kathy dealt with the shame of having a child with mental health issues. Shame has kept most of us from being open about the challenges around mental health. Kathy shares some great advice about managing the shame.

This is mental health awareness month and I feel this episode is great for spreading the message about dealing with mental health. We still have room for growth and awareness in the area of mental health.

You can follow Kathy on Instagram @kathymoffat.co

Follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com

In this episode I discuss the process of taking power back in our lives. There are a number of things in life that can take our power from us: trauma, people, and especially negative labels. When these things have taken us down and put us in a cage or we find ourselves feeling powerless or helpless to them, its time to take a stand and take our power back. In order to take back the reins we may need to understand what we are fighting in the first place, or that the way we have been fighting is not working or backfiring on us. Each time we come face to face with the things that have power over us we have the opportunity to stand up for ourselves, not doing so can leave us feeling like we have betrayed ourselves. which only adds more layers of shame and labels to the existing pile.

After discussing this process I share a number of ways we can begin to take our power back and reclaim our lives and create and identity for ourselves that we want!

You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com

In this episode, I discuss the details of a new book I have been reading by Terrance Real, called "US." It was a great follow up to my previous episode with my wife Sonia as we shared secrets to our successful 25 year marriage. In Real's Book he identifies a rhythm in relationship - Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair. This rhythm is cyclical and we move through it multiple times within the term of our relationships. An important realization for many in relationships is that their will be disharmony and that does not equal a bad relationship it simply just is what it is. We all have it in our relationships, but the key is how we repair the disharmony. There can be a number of benefits we gain from repair in building a stronger relationship.

You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or go to my website for more info about me or to sign up for my 14 Day Marriage Challenge - www.ryanwynder.com

In this episode I sit down with Dr. Randall Bell, who recently came out with the book Post-Traumatic Thriving. Dr. Bell has specialized in disaster recovery and has been involved in such events as the World Trade Center, Flight 93, Sandy Hook, Hurricane Katrina, OJ Simpson and Heavens gate to name a few. In his book he lays out the academic research about trauma as well as discusses his own PTSD as a child.

In the episode we dive into the 3 phases of Trauma outlined in his book: The Dive Stage, Survive Stage, and finally the Thrive Stage. Each stage has its core components and importance for moving through and healing. The ultimate end goal for everyone is to find a way to utilize the energy from their trauma to thrive fully in life. To set goals and achieve success. Not letting the trauma define us but using it's impact as a way to build resilience along the way to healing and thriving.

To follow me on Instagram check out @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.thevegastherapist.com you can also reach out to me via email - ryanwynder@gmail.com

Dr. Anna Lembke received her undergraduate degree in Humanities from Yale University and her medical degree from Stanford University. She is currently Professor and Medical Director of Addiction Medicine, Stanford University School of Medicine. She is also Program Director of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Fellowship, and Chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. She is a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and a diplomate of the American Board of Addiction Medicine.

Dr. Lembke was one of the first in the medical community to sound the alarm regarding opioid overprescribing and the opioid epidemic. In 2016, she published her best-selling book on the prescription drug epidemic, "Drug Dealer, MD – How Doctors Were Duped, Patients Got Hooked, and Why It’s So Hard to Stop" (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016). Her book was highlighted in the New York Times as one of the top five books to read to understand the opioid epidemic (Zuger, 2018).

Her latest book, "Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence" (Dutton/Penguin Random House, August 2021), was an instant New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller, and explores how to moderate compulsive overconsumption in a dopamine-overloaded world.

In this episode we talk about the elements surrounding our "Dopamine Nation" This includes the Pleasure- Pain Balance, The Broken Balance, our society that is running from pain, the solution of pressing on the pain side of things, and finally the concept of Radical Honesty. It is a packed filled episode with something for us all. Dr. Lembke has a great understanding of all of these elements and shares them in a very real way. 

You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.thevegastherapist.com 

Check out my 14 Day Better Relationship Challenge by going to my website and clicking on the link.

In this episode I tackle the topic of goal setting! There are a few key parts for a new way to set goals that I address in the episode. First, there are two types of motivation, "Want-to" and "Have-to" Motivation, the type you have will influence your overall success with achieving your goals! The main part of the episode is dedicated to having goals that are centered in our values. Goals that are value based have lasting power and generates enduring motivation. A value is not something to be achieved, but is something you can only manifest by acting in accordance with it. Being "aligned" in the way we live and want to live helps to reduce pain in life. I draw from 2 articles by Mark Travers and Steven Hayes in Feb. 2023 Psychology Today as well as Steven Hayes book "A Liberated Mind"

1. Rate your Domains - Scale 1-10 (Family, Marriage/couples/intimate relations, Parenting, Friends/social life, Work, Education, Recreation/Fun, Spirituality, Physical self-care, & Art/creative expression

2. Rate your consistency in the areas above - how consistent have your actions been with your values

3.What do I care about in this area? What do I want to do in this area that reflects that caring? What can I do to manifest this value more in my life?

Follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com

Check out my website as well for a link to my 14 Day Better Marriage Challenge!

In this episode I approach the topic of Emotional Maturity. I really have connected with this concept because I think we can all use work in this area. Each of us have areas we can improve on when it comes to our emotional maturity. An emotional immature person will find it hard to communicate or process their emotions and can appear selfish or aloof, it also is the lack of ability to regulate our emotions or to sit in emotional discomfort.  Emotional immaturity comes from how our developmental needs were not met as children and the modeling we saw from our parental figures. I focus on 4 ways to become more Emotionally Mature: 1. Self - Aware, 2. Take responsibility for your feelings, 3. Work on Empathy, 4. Nurturing Inner Child. This episode has something for everyone. 

You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or go to my website www.ryanwynder.com You can find my 14 Day Better Marriage Challenge on the website. 

In this episode I continue the to discuss working with The Shadow. In particular I focus on the most common manifestation of the Shadow, the inferior shadow. I reference the book The Tools, by Stutz and Michels. Discussion includes why its so important to understand your shadow, how we become dependent on outside sources for approval and validation, and the hiding place for our garbage becomes our inner self. Ultimately we turn something beautiful (inner self) into something we despise (the shadow). 

The Force of Self Expression is the tool I outline, which drives us to reveal ourselves in a truthful, and genuine way without caring how other people will react. When we are connected to this force a part of you speaks that usually is silent.  

In Addition to discussing the shadow, I turn to the topic of shame and working on identifying and stopping the shame cycle. I believe that working on our shame opens us up to really work on and with our Shadow. The two go hand in hand for much greater results!

You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com to contact me or find my 14 Day Relationship Challenge!