Yes, I want to be priority for you, but I don’t want you to be my solely focus in life. Our relationship will only work if we both fulfill our own ambitions and dreams and still dream some of them together.
And YES, I want to be with you AND we both enjoy giving time and presence.
I know how you get easily busy with things. And for me to thrive, I really want you to be present with me when you are with me.
Time and presence is priority to make this relationship work.
I don’t want to wait for you to see if you’re going to be able to find time within your busy-ness. It’s important that I know, I am your priority because you are mine. That’s why we are together.
I don’t want to prove to you that I’m worth it.
….nor do I want to ask you for this “worthiness”. I can only feel worthy myself.
We are not here in this world to prove each others’ worth, even so the world runs on neediness in relationships.
I want to be with you but I do not want to live up to your expectations…
…. nor do I want you to live up to mine.
I don’t want to be with you out of neediness for love.
I want to be with you out of my pure ability to truly love myself
What I won’t do is:
I won’t chase after you.
I do not want to spend time being afraid you might walk away anytime, but being fully trusting.......
Sex is one of the most fulfilling and beautiful things we humans can do and have in our life. And yet it is one of the biggest source of creating the not- so- nice- emotions.
You probably wonder: No way!
Let me explain and let it be food for thought.
I just want to bring more awareness to the hidden emotions before and after love making.
In my last podcast Mastering Love and Overcoming Emotions I spoke about the importance to keep emotions out of love and I gave examples how to overcome them.
Today, I go into the specifics of: "How to deal with the emotions around sexuality, such as anger, frustration or conflict?"
My intention is always, that in any of my podcast there is one thing, you take away for yourself.
Love cannot withstand too much emotions.
BE CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS and take Response-Ability for them
They have no space in love.
How to take Response-Ability?
OUR URGENCY IS TO recognise the difference between feelings and emotions.
Emotions are from the past. And they will keep you clued to the past, they will trigger any past again and again, as soon as you allow this emotion to show up. Even a thought / a memory can trigger this very emotion from the past and then you will use it to project it into the present moment, onto your partner.
Love is presence. So if you are not present and busy with emotions, where are you?
As children we developed feelings of being separate, wrong, unworthy, not being good enough… We developed a false Self, with fear around us,
Fear demands the need for protection and defence.
Becoming oblivious about the armour we put around us, we disconnect from ourselves, which shows up as:
· I can’t be vulnerable or even just open with others
· I have non stop Self-doubts about myself and what others think of me
· I can’t trust myself nor others
· I don’t like myself
· I don’t feel passion for life
· I find it hard to ask for help or even accept it
· I don’t feel I belong anywhere
· I constantly look for approval or harmony or
· I constantly lash out on others, suffer from confrontation ..... and many others.....
As we become aware of old emotions and we notice them consciously whenever they arise, they fade. We start re-connecting to our true authentic Self.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONS?
What is truly going on in the split second when emotions surface, the instant, when out of the blue, the love boat begins to rock dangerously?
HOW TO USE LOVE TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
In this podcast I explain the emotions and how they show up and then I show you three options to turn from feeling paralyzed or disconnected to feeling connected and in harmony.
You are needed in being a role model.
A role model walking with awareness, awareness of the impact of your thoughts, your words and your actions has on others.
What is needed now more than ever, is our love, light and wisdom that the world requires.
So paradoxically, now more than ever, we need to ask ourselves “what do I need to be at my best?”
How can I fill in my bottle of water as I am “serving” the higher good for all.
What “mud” is in my water that I don’t want others to consume?
How can I lovingly release that mud and ask for it to be transformed into compost?
I feel tested deeply lately and I consciously need to call myself back to remember every day:
that one of the greatest gifts I could ever give someone is the freedom to learn their own lessons, at their own pace.
And perhaps most challenging of all is understanding that one of the greatest gifts I could ever give myself is the realization that if I feel triggered or if I feel happy, it has never been dependent upon other people and their lessons.
With this understanding we all become change agents.
May you remember HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE!!
We are more and more change agents around the globe!
Let’s expand our reach!
Why is Sexuality still such a Taboo?
Of course, the taboo makes it even more exciting and creates such a huge wanting – so huge, that our children start to look at porn at the age of 8-10 years old.
From my own experience and research, this taboo of sexuality, the ability to talk openly about it, together with an suppressed Eros in relationships due to jealousy avoidance…
…leads to so much confusion, so much pain and hurt. Too often sex becomes a desperate and often clumsy, helpless search to relate, to be one with the other, to fill the loneliness and overcome the separation in one self.
Often it leads to use sex for getting out stress, anger or frustration or just stored hyperactivity, searching for the “orgasm” which brings a moment of relaxation and calmness.
But sex is not for getting rid of our stress!
Also sex is often too short lived for women when men - according to statistics - are done between 2-5minutes. And where does that leave women?
Fulfilling sex nourishes love and increases vitality.
We actually can make love in another way!
A way which is so much more fulfilling, which leaves you with an energy for days and days and days and the love making can last for hours even days. In these hours, real magic happens, MAGIC of healing, MAGIC of deepening of the relating, and the MAGIC of Oneness.
Do you remember, when -as a very young age - you got scolded by your dad or mum? You froze… you felt all love was taken from you…it scared you even if you can’t remember that is what was going on unconsciously.
The truth is, from a young age, we develop feelings of being separate, wrong, unworthy, not being good enough…
We cut off from our inner Love Source and developed a false Self, with fear around us, often due to absence of love in the immediate surroundings (family – parents, any caretaker)…
And so the parents begin to write the script for us, for who we are and how we should behave and we gradually loose our authenticity our true voice.
In addition nobody ever taught us the importance of Self-Love. How can you love someone if you don’t know how to love yourself? And how can someone love you, if you don’t love yourself?
Self-Love is connected to authenticity – daring to be the true Self, no pretending, no pleasing in fear of loosing the other.
So how do I learn to love myself - which is my job?
AND: What has Self-Love to do with Presence and Heart Opening?
Find out here in this podcast.
and on a final note:
Love cannot withstand too much emotions, it is like a delicate flower that requires awareness to keep flourishing. Love will slip through your fingers when we let emotions have the upper hand.
The earlier - we as mothers – can help our daughters or any girl to understand what is going on in her body and to understand her emotions in puberty, the better they will prepared for future relationships and sexuality.
But most of all, they learn about Self-love.
It would be wonderful if you would support Big Sis: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/big-sis-girl-to-girl-mentoring
This is another episode under my series: Sex yes and I wanted love….
In my personal life I never was able to feel anything by being entered by a man in short penetration. Of course, many of you could say, I am frigid. I knew I was not, because I could have all kinds of pleasures while masturbating or being touched on the clitoris.
What brought a total change in to my life, was to understand this truth:
· The full circle of love has a missing piece: PRESENCE. Sex is Not an orgasm driven performance act
I suddenly understood how most of us, men and woman approach our intimacy: we are in fantasies, pictures. A "home movie" as I call it nowadays.
I never understood what I was missing, until I finally experienced it: PRESENCE.
It’s the magic key
And there is another truth in my own sex life: the Clitoral Fatigue… I was hit with that in my personal life too. Maybe it had to do with either getting older or getting more aware.
That meant, I was starting to fake orgasm.
Yes, I was hit with shame when I realised this, because actually I have not been authentic and honest to myself nor the one I am with. Instead of helping my lover to understand my body better (for that of course I needed to know my body first) and where and how to touch me, I left him in the belief he is amazing.
I like to invite you here to reflect for just a minute with me with these questions and exercise.
Cuando leí estas palabras, de repente recordé el dolor que sentí al hacer el amor con mis dos parejas anteriores, con uno estaba casada con otro vivía juntos.
Tal vez comenzó con mi primera relación, pero ¿qué ignorante era yo entonces?
El dolor se hizo evidente en mi primer matrimonio. Me sentí no escuchado. Muchas veces me sentía presionado.
Miro hacia atrás, la historia y miro al presente. ¿Cuánto ha cambiado realmente en la forma en que nos acercamos sexualmente o en la forma de hacer el amor?
El amor es lo que más nos importa.
¿Nos tomamos CONSCIENTEMENTE tiempo para ello?
Y como el autor Dave Booda escribe: " ... empezamos a jugar juegos para coaccionarnos mutuamente para conseguir algo que ambos ya queríamos en primer lugar. Bienvenido a la locura de la cultura actual."
Las aplicaciones a divorcio se ha triplicado en todas partes.
¿Qué ha pasado?
Si no nos tomamos tiempo en una relación para conectar con nosotros mismo y menos con la persona que vive a nuestro lado, nos perdemos, perdemos la conexión con nosotros mismos y perdemos la conexión con el otro.
A mi me pasó, aun me pasó mucho antes de Corona.
Hemos estado viviendo una vida tan ocupada antes de Corona. ¿Cuántas horas realmente encontramos tiempo para nosotros mismo no decir cuanto queda para el otro durante estas pocas horas que finalmente nos encontramos. ¿o mejor pregunta es: tomamos conscientemente tiempo para conectarnos con nuestro interior? y con el Otro?
Trabajo, nińos, fatiga, deberes cotidianas, amigos, deporte… todo esto también existe…
Si Corona dejó su huella en tu relación, todavía hay una oportunidad de mirar todo esto más de cerca.
Para sanar y entender lo que realmente sucedió, no solo "el otro me hizo....." o “ya no nos entendemos…”, sino verlo con consciencia e claridad.
Y si finalmente la única manera es una separación, para hacer un final armonioso claro y consciente y no repetir las mismos errores con otra persona.
Puedes encontrarme aquí: www.sabinarademacher.com
The rates for divorce filing has tripled every where.
What has happened?
When we do not have time in a relationship to refresh of who we are and who the other is, we loose ourselves and we loose the connection in the relationship.
It happened to me. Long before Corona.
The facts where the same.
We have been living such a busy life before corona. How many hours did we actually find time for ourselves or the other during these few hours we finally met. And did we consciously take time to connection to Self and the Other?
So if Corona left its mark on you, there is still a wonderful chance to look at all this closer. To either heal and understand what really happened, not only "the other did to me....." words...but to really look and heal to never repeat again with anyone.
Or, if really the only way is a separation, to make a clear, conscious harmonious ending.
You can find me here: www.sabinarademacher.com
“When women don’t have a voice, everyone loses. When women don’t feel safe, they don’t want to have sex."
When I read these words, I suddenly remembered the pain I felt in the lovemaking with my two partners, I lived together. Maybe it started with my first relationship, but how ignorant was I then?
The pain became obvious in my first marriage. I felt not listened. I felt not asked.
I look back and I look at the presence. How much has really changed in the way we approach each other sexually or in the lovemaking?
LOVE is what we most care for.
Do we CONSCIOUSLY take time for it ?
And as Dave Booda writes: “ … we start playing games to coerce each other to get something we both already wanted in the first place. Welcome to the insanity of today’s culture.”
A young man asked me this today and he added: “..and they keep them hidden!!”
We got so many different choices nowadays: monogamy, open, free, polyamorous…which we are able to choose.
So why hidden?
Because even having these choices, all of them can bring a lot of pain and confusion, if you are not prepared for it.
And what has Eros to do with it?
Eckhart Tolle wrote:
“Relationships aren’t here to make us happy – for true happiness lies within. They’re here to make us profoundly conscious. To break us, to humble us, to make us whole again.”
Love gives us the incredible opportunity to grow beyond anything we ever believed is possible. Intuitively we know it holds a key to our expansion, because it has the profound capacity to bring out the best and worst in us. However, we have not yet fully understood. Most couples give up when the "shit hits the fan". Now with Corona, the number of people who wish to divorce has risen immensely.
When it comes to romance, the most significant misperception we suffer from is the idea that love is the sensation you experience when you *think* you’ve met the person of your dreams. But that is not love. That is a mix of chemicals firing off and expectations being met. It is a biological high combined with a psychological idea of what this new relationship could mean for your potential happiness. Neither of those things are really love.
Love is something you create, not an emotion. Many people fall in love, but few know how to develop it into something that lasts.
Being in love is not a feeling, but instead a consistent display of actions, followed by words and experiences that two people share with each other.
Love is connection
Is Restlessness something new?
How often have I personally doubted where is the path, where to focus on, which decision to take professionally or personally.
And my mind just wanted to know, wanted security.
I am sure you know what I am talking about.
Now, the restlessness is about “When can we go back to our normal life? Socialise again?”
And with any restlessness, we need to try to get out of our head.
How do I do it?
Maybe it serves you too.
It’s truly the most sincere question I can ask myself.
There is so much miscommunication in relationships.
So much based on hurt, blame and false perceptions.
All blame, judgement and resentment are based on false perceptions of our ego and do not come from our true self.
If we have NOT been releasing hurt, nor judgement, we go into PROJECTING.
This is the perfect timing for finally raising our awareness our consciousness to who we are and what we do. What is not healed, what needs to be healed.
When you haven’t been able to resolve hurt, - of which I spoke the days before - we go into judgement.
We want to feel superior, better, we want to prove, we are right.
When there is judgement there is no connection.
We stop listening.
We loose respect.
That is the moment when we use words or making decisions which lead to heart broken-ness.
So how to get out of judgement when we all just want the same thing:
Being heard, being seen.
We want to matter. We want validation.
The acknowledgement of our inner child is so important in the subject of love.
I spoke about hurt and how Hurt played out in relationships is killing them.
Because, the inner child is still alive in us.
Most of human adults are not aware of this when acting out their shame, their neglect, their hurt and abandonment they suffered as a child.
In this episode I show you how to take care of "hurt".
This Episode includes a meditation, so please do not listen to it while driving.
We all wish for deeper, longer lasting connection in our intimate relations and often wonder how to create such space.
Often we do not know how to communicate what we really want while at the same time, respect our own boundaries.
Neil and I talk deeper about these questions:
– Do you feel not respected, appreciated or loved for who you really are?
– Feeling you can’t step into your power?
– Feeling constantly overwhelmed or stuck?
– Do you long for real connection with others, but communication seems to fail in either your intimate or professional life?
– Have you reached the point of giving up on love?
How does a complaining partner affect you?
What does complaining actually do to us?
I like to invite you to check how, when and where do you complain?
Become aware, especially in this time of lock-down.
When we meet s.o. who could become a friend or lover, we feel vulnerable and nervous at first.
When we feel a stronger attraction, that is when we get really afraid.
We pick and choose whom we want to open emotionally because we are so afraid to choose wrong.
Yet that choice is based on insecurity and distrust from begin with. That is how we start our love - / relationships.
Therefore that kind of love is never reliable.
Imagine a child is trying to drive a car.
What is the potential outcome? An accident.
In the same way the "accident" can happen within relationships if we do not "secure" our own inner child. Soothing one self, soothing your inner child, really taking care of one own’s triggers, is the one of the basis for love, for Self-Love and the basis for healthy relationships.
It is easy. I show you how you can achieve it.
You may feel the world is against you, you may feel alone and overwhelm. Or maybe you're having issues with your partner, family or with work. Everything seems to mount up…
How to reach a new perspective?
What to do right now?
How to access again your inner wisdom and to become calm and true to Self again?
We all in this world are desperate for love and searching for love.
And we always believe, it has to come from outside of us.
Is that really so, or can we learn to love?
And to feel worthy of love?
Watch the movie: https://tinyurl.com/weallwantlove
Making Time and Space for Love is that space that is so essential to understand SELF.
If we don’t take it, it leads to frustration, needy-ness in Love and Burn out.
Take advantage of the time right now:
What do you really want? What is essential to you?
Who do you want to be - for the future to come?
Where have you been out of touch with yourself?
What needs to be integrated in your life?
Now is time to re-evaluate, what your values are.
WHAT IS LOVE FOR YOU?