Saint Misbehavin'

If they’re one thing we learn from the life of Blessed Mark Barkworth it’s when to get out of England. It’s a lesson he didn’t learn himself but along the way he became a priest and enemy of the state (thanks to the Pope), gets some useless pseudonyms, and a horrible cellmate. Plus, Anna gets a miraculous gift to help with her recovery and Matthew is here.

This week, Matthew chickens out on his original topic because it was too creepy so he switches to tales of the Icelandic Huldufólk. But it turns out this isn’t just tales of fun elves who throw parties in your house while you’re asleep, it also includes slavery, man-eating cats, peeping toms, the patriarchy, and so much more. Plus, Anna does an epic thing but Matthew brings a real January energy to podcast.

Just in time to be late for the holidays, Matthew and Anna talk about the real reason for the season: Saturn, the original shitty dad and party god of Roman mythology. This episode has creation myths, baby eating, and we come up with a great plan for the city of Cincinnati. Plus, Anna has an epic journey along the ring road and Matthew plans an odyssey to the New World!

Note: This one is out of order due to an upload mix-up. Hope you still enjoy it

After subjecting Anna to several end of the world myths, this month Matthew swings in the other direction with the Chinese creation myth of Pangu (probably the coolest dude we've covered since Enkidu). It's got giant eggs, hairy giants, questionable axes and so much more. And at the end we get everything!

This week we head to ancient Ireland to discuss the hero who most sound like an item on the McDonald’s desert menu, Finn McCool. It’s a fun romp through the Irish countryside as we learn about his (literally) cool Dad, being raised by a pair of lesbian Druids, his love affair with a deer, and his fool-proof strategies to get out of a fight. Plus Matthew takes an epic journey to Scotland and Anna stands in line to keep her community safe.

This week we court controversy as we relate the most recent mythology we’ve ever done and tackle the tale of Xenu. 75 Million years from start to finish, this story take us from the mysterious (yet familiar) planet Teegeeack to the equally strange Clearwater, Florida. Plus, society continues to celebrate Matthew as “world’s greatest Dad” and Anna surprises everybody with a legit good literary reference.

This week it's the tale of ancient Greece's greatest inventor (he invented the axe!) Daedalus. It's a tale of his inability to keep himself (and his son) out of trouble, a recounting of his many contributions to the world (such as sex cows), and we correct a story that everybody knows but gets the wrong moral from. Plus, Matthew is a champion and Anna defeats the intro.

Back from break with a big name in the saint game: Saint Augustine. He’s a guy who loved sin as much as he loved lying about sinning and we follow him from Algeria to Milan and back again with minimal asides about Columbian hippos Plus, Anna learns new skills and Matthew miraculously survives another Oxford Comedy Festival.

Sorry it took so long but here is the exciting/depressing conclusion of the story of the life of St. Junipero. Don’t worry, it’s not just all colonizing, it’s only mostly colonizing but occasionally there is a sombrero riot and jerks get shot with an arrow. So you have that to look forward too. Plus, Anna isn’t the sickest person on the podcast for once and Matthew spent a lot of his week editing out all his coughing from the audio.

Oh boy, this is a bad one folks. Take a trip to the New World (always a bad sign) with Saint Junipero. He was a “missionary” in Mexico with an aversion to horses, a misunderstanding of bats, and a love of the inquisition so great we have to do two episodes about him. Plus, Anna over-pronounces her limited Spanish Vocabulary and Matthew has an Enterprising Father’s Day.

Get ready for some mind-blowing church innovation as we discuss the life of  Saint Paulinus of Nola. Sure he was rich, powerful, and had a hot wife but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give back to the community and not just in the form of a lot of churches in one specific part of Italy. He also helped a guy one time by appearing in his kidnapper's dreams. Plus, Anna witnesses some instant karma form God and Matthew become a better burrito based ally to the LGBTQ+ community.

Hope you like Cornwall because this episode we talk about the well-travelled but Cornish centered life of  Saint Petroc. From exalted beginnings in possibly the best family in Welsh history to his shame based travels with (and probable end because of) a wolf it’s a wild tale you won’t want to miss.  Plus, Anna does something she describes as “not actively bad” and Matthew talks about all the joy he gets from the sexy stars.

Get ready to hear about the surprisingly joyful life of Saint Phillip Neri a man who savoured the finer sacraments of life and did a lot more bits than you would expect from a priest. It’s an episode featuring a detailed description of what 79ing is, Dracula’s crisis of faith, an account of how Paris wronged the Chadourne family, a temporary miracle, and we even make time to discuss the life of Phillip Neri. Plus, Anna makes some bathroom sacrifices and Matthew spend some time with the less fortunate (Anna).

This episode is a slice of the life of Saint Margherita of Cortona. When she was young she never met a temptations she didn’t like but after a werewolf attack (allegedly) she became the most penitent lady ever. We get deep into what it truly means to be mutilated, find out how her life is a proto-Cinderella story, and learn how not to be a mother. Plus, Anna gets hit by a bit of luck and Matthew returns from a trip to tell the tale of the Eden of Britain: Milton Keynes.

It’s everybody’s favourite dragon slaying patron saint of England, Saint George. He had one life but a lot of conflicting deaths but we can all agree he got tortured a lot,  had zero instinct for self-preservation, and he was always there for his fellow man (as long as his fellow man was rich or doing colonialism.)  Plus, Anna and Matthew answer some important questions about Easter.

This week Matthew isn’t the only problematic vegetarian on the podcast as we delve into the life of Saint Francis de Paola, the 15th century holy man who’s love for animals was only surpassed by his problems with women. It’s a tale of cave living, herb eating, real estate schemes, getting fatally stuck in France, dealing with trauma through fire, and learning how werewolves are made. Plus, Anna lives in  the presence of a saint for a week and Matthew is on the hunt for a very specific butt shaped seat.

This week we get entrapped by our researcher Cat into discussing the life of Saint Cuthbert and making a bunch of poop noises. It’s a life of lonely island living, abandoned babies, mud holes, and helpful otters.  Plus, Anna donates to a worthy charity to help migrants and Matthew turns the other cheek in spite of all his improv training.

Welcome to medieval France; where abbeys multiply like rabbits, cars are extremely dangerous, birth isn't much safer, and Saint Collette roams that countryside making every one as poor as possible to make them spiritually richer. While we have questions about her motivations we can’t argue with her results. Plus, Anna life is moving in a more saintly direction now that she is out of work and Matthew finally takes the hint from on high and decides never to travel again.

Get ready to run towards death with Saint Polycarp. Sure he was born in a sexy year but he had a rough life starting when he was sold to his owner-mom, continuing with a lot of arguments about when Easter is, and ending in an explosion of  with doves and blood. Plus, Anna buys a baking sheet (less exciting than it sounds) and Matthew looks terrible in front of everybody.

We’re back in Ireland this episode with the possibly fictional life story of Saint Brigid. A fun  lady with a strange definition of donating but who did some fun if familiar miracles. Plus, Anna has a mundane but helpful premonition and Matthew follows in the footsteps of a famous carpenter.

We’re back in Scotland this week talking about Saint Kentigern (better known as Saint Mungo) and dragging bigots. It’s a tale of kidnapped babies, unreasonable last requests from strangers, lackluster miracles, and narratively extraneous volcanos. All with a light motif of very poor Scottish accents. Plus, Anna explains Goo™ and Matthew is very lazy.

It’s some sassy times as we follow the life of Saint Lucy of Syracuse (the old one) as she travels from Sicily all the way to another part of Sicily before things get really heavy and all her bones get misplaced.  Plus, Anna is adjacent to saintliness by blood and Matthew keeps his family going for another week.

It’s some original apostle nonsense with Saint Andrew this week; defender of orphans, fighter of wolves, master of branding. We cover the whole story from his humble beginnings as a spied upon fisherman to his grisly (but distinct) death and even follow his well-travelled knee caps. It’s an adventure not to be missed. Plus, Anna takes a stand against the world cup and Matthew “apologizes” to yet another nation.

Put some gravy on your chips and take a journey to ancient Yorkshire with Saint Hilda. Born in exile (in a royal court, so don't worry) she rose up to be a princess abbess and a champion of culture. It’s a series of life lessons, messed-up snakes, and rocking harp covers of all your favorite hits until she ends up a restless spirit in a ruin. You know, typical Yorkshire stuff. Plus, Anna did the rare saintly/stupid act and Matthew enjoys a semi-miracle out of the US.

This episode Anna and Matthew become pilgrims in their own town as we discuss the very Oxford based St Fiedeswide. (Full disclosure: This episode has a lot of very specific talk about Oxford and the surrounding area so consider yourself warned). We get into her eye for design, her dozens of lady “friends”, and her questionable attitude towards cat calling but we never settle on a pronunciation for Frideswide.  Plus, Anna donates her body to science and Matthew gets a sign…to the head.

This episode it’s the one and only Saint Francis of Assisi (Ol' Franky Aces to his friends). He may have been a great saint but he was a terrible businessman, soldier, and son. But otherwise a lovely man who really took the time to spread the love of Christ to birds, besieged Muslims, and other indifferent groups. Plus, Anna is grateful for our new research and Matthew’s parents visit is miraculously extended.

This episode we fly into the interesting life of the dull St Joseph of Cupertino. From his humble beginnings in a stable to his equally humble life as an monk, we get into his school years (stupid), his work life (pointless), and his monastic career (annoying). All that and tales of his donkey father. Plus, Anna takes a day off for the Queen and Matthew returns from his pilgrimage to Ireland a changed man.

Rejoice! We are back from our summer break with more saintly nonsense. This episode we bring you the tale of Saint Rose of Viterbo, a nice young lady and defender of the Pope who spent some time in a fire and had some poor fashion sense. Plus, Anna volunteers her time (and money) to a good cause and Matthew miraculously endures a comedy festival of his own making.

It’s a trip to colonial America (uh-oh) as we discuss the life and miracles of Saint Kateri Tekakwitha. A nice young lady who like to do typical gal stuff, got a crappy name from her family, and fled to Canada for a better life with…[checks notes]...The Jesuits!? That can’t be right. Plus, against her better judgment, Anna helps her neighbor and Matthew almost has a nice holiday in Wales.

This week we discuss Welsh icon, Saint Gladys and  the raid or die relationship she had with her husband/abductor Saint Woolos, come up with some great ideas for perfect crimes, welcome a special guest to the story, and try (and fail) to pronounce Welsh names. Plus Anna protests and Matthew recovers.

This week we take on the hagiography of maybe the most famous saint in the world, Satin Patrick. You know the name but do you know the story? Was he an innocent young man, kidnapped by sheep-launching Irish pirates to become the spiritual leader to a nation (some of whom were quite thick) or did he shirk his duties and run off to Ireland to become the greatest con-man of the fifth century? Listen in to find out! Plus Anna gets some culture and Matthew asks the forgiveness of the good people of Finland.

This week we are trying to show support (in our own odd way) to Ukraine by talking about their patron saint, Saint Josaphat Kuntsevych. He is an intense guy who tries to heal a schism between east and west (man, some things never change) and gets hit by an axe for his trouble. Plus, Anna kindly watches Matthew’s baby so he can experience the miracle of a night out with his wife.

This week we prove that three heads are better than none with Saint Sigfried. Hear about his life which was as exciting as it is vague, his trips from nonspecific England to Scandinavia, his poorly located churches, and his attempts to win back the people of Sweden from the pagans.  Plus, Anna gets older and wiser(?) and Matthew give some advice to everyone on how to minimize crying.