Save Your Bacon

Holes. Man, where do I start? Good for Will? Check. Good for trapping rats? Yup. Good for exclaiming to police officers when you're about to enter their town and rob a bank? It'd be against the law to not do that. Shoot why holes seem to so incredible Shia Labeouf made a whole movie about them!

TALKING POINTS:

Shipt Exclamations

No Mask, No Smiles

Human Mouse Trap

100 Mile Garage Sale

Grab your Bean Supreme and let us all collectively scream into our iPhones about how we desperately need a red ball or shower onions! The power is in your folks! Today's episode really teaches you how to take control of your life and also how to re-create a very nostalgic piece of a Nickelodeon obstacle course.

TALKING POINTS:

Benefits of Coffee

Tricking the FBI into free stuff

Cardboard Aggro Crag

Tarot Card Breakup

DISCLAIMER** Please never do eye exercises while behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. People always talk about "don't drink and drive" and "don't text and drive". Not enough people mention how hard it is to drive when you're physically forcing exercise upon your eyes. Also, guys, lemme tell ya. You've never SEEN a meatloaf like the Beastloaf. The Grinch would look at his Roast Beast and think to himself "wow, I really pulled the short straw here, huh?"

TALKING POINTS:

Beastloaf

Eye Exercises

Matching Butt Tattoos

Forcing Bread Growth

Have you ever been magnetically pulled into a building at great speeds because you forgot you built it out of complete metal years ago? Ever thought about putting hot pockets ON a bigger pizza? You're so in the right place.

TALKING POINTS:

Walking Up Walls

Practice Holding Babies

My Bad Stalker

New Pizza Topping

Guys. I promise we'll eventually learn to turn the audio in our headphones down to get rid of that sweet juicy echo. But, until then, try to guess some laws that really shouldn't exist. Except for one, in the title, that kind of exists everywhere and really isn't creative at all. I mean AT ALL. Come on, Utah.

TALKING POINTS:

Awful Laws #1

Carving an A in the moon

Do's and Don'ts of starting a podcast

Heavens to Etsy

Sleeping Sitting Upright

Cheap proposal suggestions

Will is in North Carolina this week, so here’s a compilation of legal advice style questions we’ve had over previous episodes! In case it’s not clear, it’s definitely not real legal advice so please don’t walk through airports naked or think you can get away with murder. Both are very bad. Please don’t do either of them. Just listen and laugh.

TALKING POINTS:

Trespassed from Jail (EP. 3)

Wedding Jailers (EP. 5)

Driver’s Test w/ XBOX Controller (EP. 5)

No Clothes, No Problem (EP. 23)

Free Complimentary Murder (EP. 11)

Arrested for Being a Bad Actor (EP. 10)

Join us anybody and everybody in celebrating the two year anniversary of Save Your Bacon this New Year's Eve with some goofy awards, some genuine love, and some final questions to wrap up the year!

TALKING POINTS:

Ned Nog

The SYB Award Show

What To Do With All of Your Saved Bacon

Could You Hate Someone Who Adores You?

Did... Did Will just let Zane tell that dirty dishes question? All, sad news folks. I don't think a Glitzy Bear is a real thing. But, hey, prove me wrong. Hey, can I eat this fire stopping foam?

TALKING POINTS:

Sun Sized Human

Keep Hair or Go Bald

Is Fire Extinguisher Foam Edible

Can Bears Overdose on Cocaine

MERRY CHRIS MASSEY TIME YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMANS (yes, it's true, a joke we made before MBMBaM)! It's a holiday time which means it's a holiday episode full of questions, stories, and shoutouts!

TALKING POINTS:

Chris Massey Time

Ned Nog

Mistlefeet

Real-Life Mario

Storytime Simulator

Welp. Devon Werkheiser (Ned Bigby) gives such good advice that the podcast is over. That's how it works, right? Also, like for real, what is oatmeal? And why

TALKING POINTS:

Ned Nog #1

What Is Oatmeal

Pipe Cleaners Deluxe Edition

Heavens to Etsy #3

Sleeping on your arms

My Animatronic Snowman Nightlight

The ultimate heist to build a snowman out of fake snow has been put into motion. After all, all of the real snow now only falls one day of the year. Welp, off to get my underwear washed again. Yes, chef!

TALKING POINTS:

Jingle Bell Rock

The Big Annual Snowfall

The Grand Snoozooka Heist

My Only Clean Pair of Underwear

Forced to Donate to Charity

Heavens to Etsy #2

Tis’ official the season where Chris Massey gets even Chris Massiver! Merry cherries all you tubulor catz! It’s time to grow some beans, make your loaves of milk, and spend eternity talking to your cat.

TALKING POINTS:

Domesticasted Leprechauns

Loaf of Milk

Heavens to Etsy #1

Eternal Cat

Elevator Jumprope

Oh, who am I? I'm just your average Joe who popped a high-quality circuit board into the oven and now I run the most successful cake shop on the east coast. It's that easy! However, if you bite into one of my cakes and start to sweat from the chili sauce, that's NOT ILLEGAL. That was my food. You didn't have to eat it. That's on you.

TALKING POINTS:

Zane on Rizzle

Upgraded Cake Baking

Booby Trapping Food

Simulation Storytime

Today, we light our turkeys on the doorstep in honor of part 2 of the trilogy that is "The Three Real Holidays". Will comes clean as a fraud and Zane comes clean as believing literally all of the world of evolution happened within 300 years. Why horse have hair?

Happy Pumpkin Month everybody! An special early Halloween party is being thrown at the Bacon household today! Come join in for lots of amazing pumpkin names, bad movies, and spooky ghost stories made by us and computers! 

Talking Points:

Goin' Ghost

Homecoming Pumpking and Queen

ActYourHeartOut (Pumpkin Month Edition)

Simulation Storytime

Pumpkin Month has officially arrived! May this episode feed you well, drop you off at your proper destination, and help you get to know your neighbors! We invented a subscription for life where the benefit of paying for life is literally what you're experiencing real-time currently.

Talking Points:

Cirque de Top Golf

9ft Wide Spider

Scary Wall Words

Going Ghost: Food Shrine

Life Premium

Costumes That'll Make You Web

I swear, I stayed up all night. Nothing. I fall asleep for 2 hours, and my friends swear the moon landed and lept back into the air again! It's rather interesting how we established that the moon causes all natural disasters, and yet our arms cause tornados. How long have grapes had seeds in them!?

TALKING POINTS:

Sparkling Water

Tornado Arms

Moon Landings and Jumpings

Teachers on Social Media

Seedless Watermelon

It must've been the crows gnawing at Zane's mic cord early on causing all those dang audio spikes. Have you ever wished there was an excuse to curl in a trash can? Maybe you're looking for the nearest Bison Lover Anonymous convention to give 'em a special gift! Either way, we've so got your back!

TALKING POINTS:

The Airpod's Hidden Talent

The Truth Behind The Hit Song "Be Happy"

The Legality of Bartering With Crows

The Puzzle That Is Creating Creative Questions

Squirrel Trash Envy

A Much Unneeded Bison

Are you sprinting down the streets in your jeans with pocket full of free ham? Are you down to the base-level of your toilet paper tower! Need to wake up that lazy folk in a coma? We can help you out! Sponsored by Fast Jeans™

Talking Points:

Small Bones

Appreciating Cardboard

Fast Jeans

Toilet Paper Tower

Smelling Salts & Coma Boy

Free Hamples

If you’re looking in the mirror, you better make sure your working hard to become more like Tom Hanks. If you’re falling into a mirror, then congraduations! You’ve made it, son! You’re in the robot!

7:46 - Get in the Robot 

15:20 - Be The Best Bassist 

25:14 - Tom Hanks Pizzaz Levels 

32:32 - Grand Grad Finale

Today kids, we're gonna learn how to go about properly delivering someone their hella magnum crackers, and how you're making a grave mistake if you even consider drinking Dasani.

1:22 - Eagles or Beagles

10:34 - Cracker Cannon

21:48 - Flavorless Water

31:38 - Can I Dislike Beyonce?

Will talks straight science for a minute about the sun people and how they throw garbage at us, and Zane pitches his idea for a baby gladiator prison! Confess your sins for a slice! 2:56 - My Boss Gives Me A Haircut 9:17 - Sun Garbage Society 17:31 - Baby Gladiator Prison 30:21 - Ghost Job Listings 38:31 - Wake Up, You’re Dead Inside 45:53 - Shaq and Father John