Screw Up

And so, after eighty-six (86) episodes, it's time to lower the curtain on Red and CJ's podcast. We're so grateful to our listeners and supporters over the years, and we learned a lot about ourselves by talking through our thoughts and life experiences. We hope you learned something about yourself, too, even if this is your first episode listening in.

In the end, we realized that we aren't comfy being tethered to the idea that we're screw-ups. We're humans. And we intend to continue working together to make interesting, hilarious, and exhilarating content in the future. So keep in touch with us, and we'll be sure and touch you (your HEART, that is - or funny bone!)

Goodbye - for now! See you again, reincarnated as a duo with even more dynamism!

"How is this gay? Because I'm touching my butt every time I do it?"

What's our problem? Listen and find out this week on Screw Up the Podcast's special episode on grievances. This thinly veiled excuse for us (mostly CJ) to complain is packed to the gills with the privileged whining you've grown to know and love. We talk about Aldi for some reason, naming children, pets having pets, putting toilet paper on the roll in a specific way, honking,

Get those Karen neurons charged up - it's time for Screw Up the Podcast!

"This ass is brought to you by cheese."

What's your sign? I'm a Caution! Keep Out! Welcome to a brand new episode of Screw Up the Podcast. This week, we have our natal charts read (shout out to all your preggers people taking your vitamins). Emma, a Pisces, and CJ, a Leo, dive deep into what it means to have been a baby when the stars were all hanging out where they were. And along the journey, we learn and say things about ourselves we need to say more AND things we never wanted people to know about us! Get your natal chart read with us while you listen, it's super fun!

Also, to confirm, hyenas are NOT like giraffes, but that doesn't stop us from talking about it! All of that and more this week on Screw Up the Hyena! 

"I'm Mada-gasp-car over this right now! My nephew is named after that lemur!"

Is this one of the BEST episodes of Screw Up the Podcast? That could be a STRETCH, but we're ABsolutely positive you'll still find something upLIFTING in this week's episode all about moving your body! We discuss whether or not it's okay to have sex in a movie theater, how much Red likes Zumba both in concept and in practice, and CJ's secret to self-confidence: dancing in the mirror. And we're serious - 10 likes on any platform, and CJ will be legally obligated to watch Madagascar!  

Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share to help us grow. Do you like to move it, move it? How 'bout you move your little fingies while you write us an e-mail over at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com, and your story could be read in a future episode! Achieving fame has never been so simple! And follow us on Instagram @screwupthepodcast to stay up-to-date and take part in our monthly polls, where you can decide what topic we talk about on our special bonus episodes we release at the end of the month!

RUN; it's time for Screw Up the Podcast!

Mini-episode #2 is here, and...it's, well...possibly a B-roll from Are You Afraid of the Dark. CJ and Red share their camping stories around the proverbial fireplace (don't worry, I cranked up my heat to 85 for realism). Would you like s'more? Too bad! This is it!

Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share to help us grow. Do you have a little forest gecko you've been hiding in your bunk?  Tell us what you named him at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com, and your story could be read in a future episode! Achieving fame has never been so simple! And follow us on Instagram @screwupthepodcast to stay up-to-date and take part in our monthly polls, where you can decide what topic we talk about on our special bonus episodes we release at the end of the month!

"She said, "It's gettin' too real, lemme make another diarrhea joke and shit all over the floor."

You wanna know something just between us? It's time for another episode of Screw Up the Podcast! This week, we're talking about secrets - ours, other people's - no one is safe! We discuss why sometimes secrets secrets could be fun, even if you don't share them with everyone, Red literally can't stop talking about diarrhea, and CJ vague-books about his past in a way that frustrates himself when he has to listen back to it while he's editing (it's me, by the way, I'm the CJ, it's me).

Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share to help us grow. Do you have a secret you swore to secrecy? Ruin your relationships, spill the tea with us at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com, and your story could be read in a future episode! Achieving fame has never been so simple! And follow us on Instagram @screwupthepodcast to stay up-to-date and take part in our monthly polls, where you can decide what topic we talk about on our special bonus episodes we release at the end of the month!

Sign a sketchy NDA and butt-dial your therapist; it's time for Screw Up the Podcast!

"They're kinda like cookies, but unfortunate. Unfortunate cookies!" 

Be ours this Valentine's Day, but not like this! This week, we're discussing everything about the capitalist cornerstone that has turned healthy relationships into monstrous expectation farms! We talk about whether or not we even like love and presents, working at restaurants on Valentine's Day, and how compromise isn't a four-letter word.

Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share to help us grow. Do you have a spooky ghost story that would rattle our beliefs to their core? Share with us at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com, and your story could be read in a future episode! Achieving fame has never been so simple! And follow us on Instagram @screwupthepodcast to stay up-to-date and take part in our monthly polls, where you can decide what topic we talk about on our special bonus episodes we release at the end of the month!

Take out a personal loan for a blood diamond, it's time for Screw Up the Podcast!

Ready to punch in for our first mini-episode? You voted, we listened - AND talked! The result: a cool 30ish minutes of us telling stories that may or may not get us a cease and desist. Let's chat about bosses! 

Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share to help us grow. Do you have something water-cooler-worthy?  Share with us at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com, and your story could be read in a future episode! Achieving fame has never been so simple! And follow us on Instagram @screwupthepodcast to stay up-to-date and take part in our monthly polls, where you can decide what topic we talk about on our special bonus episodes we release at the end of the month!

"They call him "Ol' Taint Nick." Merry Early Merry, podcast listeners! Let's talk about Christmas! It's happening earlier every year, isn't it? Wow. Anyway! In this episode, we talk about our favorite Christmas songs, get particularly disgusting (which is impressive considering our track record), changing your name (NOT to Santa, ironically!), and how the power of presents can heal family rifts (if only temporarily). Have you been naughty this year? Or nice? It doesn't matter - this podcast is a gift for anyone, no matter how shitty you've been! Cheers to another year, Screw Crew; we'll be back in 2023! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"It's the motion of the showcean!" Welcome to another episode of Screw Up the Podcast (TV-MA)! This week, we're finishing our discussion about TV! We talk about...like, what even is it anymore? Also, there's a big emphasis on reality TV, complete with Love is Blind season 3 tea (spoiler warning!), CJ shades America's Got Talent, and we muse about how we should answer when Netflix asks, "Are you still watching?" Are you still listening? There's only one answer: Screw Up the Podcast! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"You know what? You're allergic to beef." English motherfriender - do you speak it?! It's time for Screw Up the Lingo! We talk about things said and unsaid, regional dialects and why Southerners have the best phrases, lying about being allergic to stuff, birds having stigmata, and sometimes the topic too! Are YOU prepared for an episode about cunning lingos? Don't be shy, pull up an eggcorn, hang on to those two birds in your hand, and ignore the one in bush for a new episode of Screw Up the Podcast! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"The earth is a MILF."  They say art is subjective - but this podcast episode ABOUT art is objectively (subjectively for legal reasons) life-changing! This week, Emma and CJ discuss visual art, the new trend of AI art, the '90s hit restaurant "Ponderosa," and how to have sex with our planet - before it's too late! Remember your childhood trauma and get those watercolors a'watered - it's time for Screw Up Art! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"What that Jesus Dick Do?" It's time to tee-hee with us about TV with us, Screw Up the Podcast! This week, we're talking about the shows that shaped our minds (and our sexual deviance); CJ decides to...do a deep dive into the lyrics of "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy," and, believe it or not, we somehow transition between that and discussing our place in the universe. You know what that means - there's gonna be a part 2, so we can talk about the topic! Don't touch that dial unless you're touchin' yourself, then remember to touch that Dial! It's Screw Up the TV! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"You should see my sock drawer. That's my real semen-tary." Hey, sponge heads! If you've got time to lean, you've got time to listen to this week's episode of Screw Up the Podcast! This week, Emma and CJ scour through the subject of keeping a clean home. We discuss our favorite and least favorite household tasks,  Desperate Housewives (this may be a recurring segment for a while),  the worth of keeping up on chores, and cleaning triggers from childhood that affect our relationships to this very day - fun! Don't listen to other podcasts (WIMPY WIMPY WIMPY), listen to Screw Up the Podcast (HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY) today! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"This joke bit is hard to Escape." Screw Up the Podcast is going behind the bookbag to get a good glimpse at everything from worksheets, take-home tests, and last-minute projects! This week, we're discussing homework and whether or not we did it (one of us did, the other didn't - can you guess which?), we talk about the influence teachers have on us, and we talk about the adult homework that eludes us to this day! Buy yourself a hungry dog to manufacture an ironclad excuse: it's time to Screw Up the Homework! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"Don't let the lips hit you on the way out!" More sex? Don't mind if everybody does! Another episode of Screw Up Sex! This week, we talk about how it's not the size of the boat, it's the integrity of the oarmen, the mind's effect on desire, secret menus at restaurants, and the beauty of the rosebud! So sit tight (or loose), lube up any dry appendages, and ask your dommy mommy if it's okay if you listen to this brand new episode of Screw Up the Podcast!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I'm dedicating this episode to megachurches everywhere." Let's talk about sex, baby! Let's talk about me and usually me again! You've been waiting for it (or you've wised up and realized we've never stopped talking about it), and here it is - episode SIXTY-NINE (nice), where we talk all about the birds, bees, and how hot it is to fuck! This week, Emma learns about felching, CJ makes a compelling case for team "put your mouth on it", and both of us overshare, once again forgetting there's a microphone between us. Oh and lots more discussion about animals? Weird episode for that! Anyway, land on a safe word and repent to your Gods, it's time for Screw Up some UHHHNNNH sex! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"This ass is brought to you by cheese." What's your sign? I'm a Caution! Keep Out! Welcome to a brand new episode of Screw Up the Podcast. This week, we have our natal charts read (shout out to all your preggers people taking your vitamins). Emma, a Pisces, and CJ, a Leo, dive deep into what it means to have been a baby when the stars were all hanging out where they were. And along the journey, we learn and say things about ourselves we need to say more AND things we never wanted people to know about us! Get your natal chart read with us while you listen, it's super fun! Also, to confirm, hyenas are NOT like giraffes, but that doesn't stop us from talking about it! All of that and more, this week on Screw Up the Hyena! 

We hate to hit you with another re-release so soon SC friends, but life is all kinds of weird right now and we want to keep this train a'going in any way we can! See you in two weeks for a new episode! "Or, it would just be Jeff Goldblum and his big, giant dick!" [Note: we tried another new setup for recording, so CJ's audio is a wee borked this episode, we're trying to find the sweet spot and appreciate your understanding!] This week on SUTP, CJ and Emma are reunited to talk about parties!  We for some reason discuss the first Pokemon movie for ten minutes, pinpoint the moments we lost our youth, discuss debt for a bit (again, what??) and Emma has an interesting take on the drinking age being 21.  Stay tuned for our next creative project, "Mad Boys."  Flip your friend on your stomach and break out the Sativa, it's time for Screw Up the Party!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"We've got ourselves a real Helen Hunt situation." Does ANYONE know how to buy a forest? It's Screw Up the Podcast! This week, Emma and CJ discuss being scammed by the world, the ones we love, and of course, ourselves. But more specifically, having the pipe dream that there's a ton of good in the world! Emma goes deep undercover inside her very own Instagram to discover that people aren't always what they may seem on the internet? And CJ, bless his heart, continues to prove how sheltered he is, the sweet summer child. Am I speaking to the owner of the house? You have sixty seconds to tell me or your bank account gets it! It's Screw Up the Scam! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I guess mattresses really do double in size, but is it from all the skin cells or from all the piss?" Are you familiar with the idea of hygge? It's all about keeping it cozy and safe, building a nest in your home to kick back and convalesce in. This week, we're talking about beds and how much skin gets absorbed into them (and your pillows), we share our favorite tips and tricks for cozi-fying your abode, and Emma tries to convince CJ that taxidermy is somehow good for the balance of energy. To quote her: "taxidermy is a strong word." Turn yourself into a human meatball, cover yourself in blankets until the pain goes away, and get ready for your first Mushy Detroit: it's time for Screw Up the Hygge! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"We're not doing an episode on sounding, and anyone who knows what sounding is knows why." Drop and give us 43!...minutes of your time to listen to Screw Up the Fitness! This week, we're talking about why motivation isn't just a four-letter word, tips and tricks about exercise from people who often can't be bothered to do it, and Emma talks about how her innocent, virgin hands became women (if you believe in that sort of thing) with the help of the family Shake Weight. So take some time for fitness...fittin' this podcast into your day, you busy mom! Okay, we'll stop making that joke. Screw Up the Fitness! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I feel very short and homely because I've been eating pizza in my car for eight hours." This week on Screw Up the Podcast, CJ steps aside so we can hear all about Emma's trip to Canada! She opens up about how a journey to the Great White North led to moving into Soberville, a car cavity search from un-mounted mounties (she specifically says they're not mounties, but I'm the one writing this and I thought that sounded cute) at the US-Canada border, a deluxe night out in Ontario facilitated through the tried and true method of following hot people, driving in cars with (possibly high school) boys, pissing on tress, and well...I don't wanna give too much away. This is a tale that maple LEAVES nothing on the table - it's Screw Up Canada! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"And as a lab rat, I should know when they're coming." What's the deal with podcasting?! This week, we're back in the studio (aka CJ's apartment) to talk about something that makes us both sick with glee and with something akin to food poisoning: doing stand-up comedy! We talk about our favorite comedians, Santa's pendulus testacles, senior pictures, and Emma convinces (read: tricks) CJ into reading some absolutely disgusting copypastas that probably should have been censored. Plus, we tell some of our favorite jokes that we've written and even some that we're still workshopping! Tighten up that five minutes and gird your pelvic floor, it's time for Screw Up the Stand-Up! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

Hey y'all - while we're continuing to get a tenuous grasp on health and scheduling stuff, we wanted to share one of our all time favorite episodes again: Screw Up the Sex Toy! Enjoy! "I want someone in the Pentagon to figure out whether or not I have colon cancer." This week, Emma and CJ talk about going and having sex with yourself already!  We talk about our choices for the only songs we can listen to for the rest of our lives (off-topic?  on brand!), pegging, sounding, fisting, having hot greasy sex with yourself, and of course, what it's like to expose your sexual deviancy to a bunch of strangers accidentally!  Twist yourself into a comfortable position in that sex swing and lube up that 3-inch angry dildo you got as a gag gift; it's time for Screw Up the Sex Toy! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"You are a 'born to hand jive' turkey, how about that?" This week, CJ takes on the world and revisits topics from a few months ago: mood, meds, and mental health. He gives an update on his psychiatry and therapy, talks about the importance of boundaries, and discusses the differences between selfishness and self-preservation - and why for some of us, we can't help but feel guilty when we put ourselves first. While this is a heavier episode, the goal was to end on a lighter note, and we hope you get at least a few flavorful notes out of CJ's mind gravy. Times are weird - start a relationship with yourself. Thanks for listening to another episode of Screw Up the Podcast. LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"A watched piss never boils!" You know you saw us CUMIN - another episode of Screw Up the Podcast! This week, Emma learns about the joy of sweet potatoes,  we find out neither of us knows what's in a souffle, and we go completely off the rails for nearly ten minutes about the differences of fear and compassion as motivators! Yet another notch in the Emeril Legacy of this podcast! If that pun tastes bad, add more garlic! Buon appetito - you've got a heaping pile of steaming Screw Up on your plate! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"Maybe I should join a cunt!" Ooh baby, here comes the pizza delivery man with a big pipe to come and change your TV channel! Welcome to an episode that's technically 58, but has all the energy of a 69: Screw Up the Porn! This week, we talk about spelling the word "cult," where milk comes from, and how porn can still be hot AND problematic. Oh, and don't forget: the opposite of guilt is money! Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Screw Up the Podcast! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"What do they do? Wet breadsticks and no delivery?" What's in a name? Letters! This week, Emma and CJ talk about the string of vowels and consonants your mom would weaponize against you whenever you were up to mischief! We discuss how much we like our name (hint: it's a lot!), CJ talks about how no one can ever guess his middle name, and Amber Ross (formerly Emma Rose) doesn't remember your name, but knows you have one! Who are you again? Why, we're Screw Up the Podcast! Nice to meet you! UNLESS YOU'RE MIKE (jk). LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I wish I had Saw None." Hear that strange sound coming from the basement? Why that's just Screw Up the Horror Flick! This week, we're SPOOKIN' up the podcast with an episode all about our favorite (and not-so-favorite) fright flicks! CJ calls out Haley Joel Osmond for being a fake ass bitch (kinda?), Emma edges our listeners (...kinda?), and we both dive deep into how a beloved style of filmography can be at times incredibly problematic (kinda but also definitely). Pop some popcorn and wear a nightie made of chainmail to protect yourself in a knife fight: it's time for this week's Screw Up the Podcast! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"There were people dying, but I had long hair."  Welcome to this week's episode, Screw Up the Haircut, would you like a coffee or water while you wait? This week, we try (and SCREW UP) having an opener that isn't about sex, Emma says the phrase "God's White Braid," CJ talks about how this widdle weapoard got his spots, and both of us are absolutely high on Got2B hair spray! Let's all either get bangs or remind ourselves to not get bangs! Screw Up the Podcast: a show about nothing and everything, today! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"We BOTH picked abortion songs!" Clean those spit valves, scordaturHUNS, it's time for Screw Up the Instrument! (MAJOR brownie points if you can understand that incredibly shoehorned-in joke that obviously CJ came up with) This week, CJ teaches the children about the slightly offensive name for the bassoon in the German language, and Emma's sad it isn't about sword-fighting, Emma wistfully recalls an underrated wind instrument: the harmonica, and we both talk about the frustrations about teaching and being taught by those lost in the sauce (hint: the sauce is not jazz). Don't touch that dial - unless it's to tune our podcast to 440 HZ - you're listening to a brand new (maybe!) episode of SUTP! Boy, I really am a huge fucking nerd! Hell yeah! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"What if I was a centaur?"  Ooh baby, new year, same ol' us!  Welcome back to Screw Up the Podcast in the year of 2022, the year where we fail ourselves to love ourselves! This week, we talk about "Resolvelutions," the title of our new book (should we write a book?)!  Emma talks about emotional masturbation and CJ talks about...regular masturbation! And we announce the winners of two limited edition Screw Up fridge magnets!  C'est magnetfique!  2022: Screw Crew, We Love You!  Thanks for listening to Screw Up The Podcast!   LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

WE ARE 50.  Can you believe it!?  Believe it!  Right now!  It's our 50th episode, everyone!  We're doing something a bit special this week, and I don't want to give too much away, so I'll just say we hope you enjoy it and thank you for all of the support this year!  We'll be releasing our Christmas episode next week and then taking a break until January 8th, so look forward to Emma's Santa jokes and CJ's cries for helf!  If you're reading this, we are so grateful to you!  Thank you for being a part of our journey!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"If you're puttin' your bare pussy in 'em, then you better be washin' that denim!" It's Saturday folks, and you know what that means!  That's right: we're understaffed!  Welcome to another episode of Screw Up the Podcast, still or sparkling?  This week, we talk about the beauty and beasty of working hard and playing hardEST in the restaurant industry, being mislabeled as a racist for not understanding how to put on a headset, and sometimes, listeners, the customer serves YOU. Plus, we read an e-mail from one of our listeners!  Want us to read your email?  Send us your stories at screwupthepodcast@gmail.com! Time to roll some silverware, because you're gonna get CUT - don't worry, that's a good thing!  Screw Up the Podcast: rate us on Yelp!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I only ate maybe half of it again."  Everyone!  Hello!  How do you be grateful?  With turkey, family, and inexpensive electronics (down with Black Friday, power to the workers!) - oh, and maybe this podcast?  This week, we talk about Thanksgiving...kinda (it's actually a lot about Doritos)!  Emma paints with all the colors of her wind...pipe (stretch, bear with me), CJ regrets never eating dog food, and we share our gratitude for YOU - our listeners!  We're so thankful you're here, and stick around for even more gratitude and podcasting!  Pass the cranberry sauce and tell Grandpa that saying that IS racist even if he thinks it sounds nice, it's time for Screw Up the Thanksgiving! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I want a turducken, but in like, a Wet Seal outfit."  My body, my canvas!  This week on Screw Up the Podcast, we're talking about slingin' ink and poundin' skin!  If you guessed sex with quills, you're oddly somewhat correct!  Tattoos!  CJ talks about manic episodes leading to bean fingers (it'll make sense with context, I hope), Emma comes out of the closet as library-sensual, and both of us believe that there should be NO REGERTS when it comes to getting a tattoo!  Love yourself, even if you have a tribal tattoo!  We don't care!  We aren't your mothers!  Screw Up the Podcast: Not Being Your Mom Since 2021.  Thanks for listening!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

Hey Screw Crew!  This week, we're taking a break to get some things together for our big 50th episode coming out in a few weeks!  So let's revisit an oldie but juicy Screw Up the Gambling! "I like the color of your name." Big money, all whammy?  This week, Emma and CJ talk about everyone's favorite source of passive income: gambling!  We talk about being enticed into hopping in cars with strange men and heading to the warm paradise of Indiana, slots, and how Vana White can fill OUR slots any ol' time!  Time is money, so take a gamble on your time and see if you'll like this episode!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I clogged it out of my belly button." Welcome to Screw Up the Piercing, the episode where we talk about making holes in ourselves!  This week, we become D.W. apologists, we climb Jacob's Ladder, Emma does Old Testament math because she can't count with her hand anymore (details inside!), and CJ tells a story about how accidentally dressing in baby drag got him outed by a drunk woman with candy. Grab your coupon for Claire's and get emotionally manipulated by a man with an iguana - it's time for Screw Up the Piercing!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"You know always keep that thing on me.  And by thing, I mean mouth."  Hey Screw Crew!  Is there anything better than a couple o' BOOS and some Charleston Chews?  How about multiple uncomfortable stories about creating smells?  This week, we've got a special Halloween episode for y'all!  We talk about Stephanie Meyer's suspiciously powerful ability to rouse a nation of twinks and tweens, CJ is unambiguously ambiguously gay, and Emma tells a hair-raising (and singing) tale about deceit, a room of shared stink, and loving yourself.  I don't remember eating candy corn - it's time for Screw Up the Podcast, Halloween Edition! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"Or, it would just be Jeff Goldblum and his big, giant dick!" [Note: we tried another new setup for recording, so CJ's audio is a wee borked this episode, we're trying to find the sweet spot and appreciate your understanding!] This week on SUTP, CJ and Emma are reunited to talk about parties!  We for some reason discuss the first Pokemon movie for ten minutes, pinpoint the moments we lost our youth, discuss debt for a bit (again, what??) and Emma has an interesting take on the drinking age being 21.  Stay tuned for our next creative project, "Mad Boys."  Flip your friend on your stomach and break out the Sativa, it's time for Screw Up the Party!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

TW: This episode covers sexual assault and other sexual conduct that could be difficult to listen to.  Please take care while listening or skip this episode if need be - we love you Screw Crew, be good to yourselves.  

"Isn't being funny the real privilege?"  This week, Emma goes solo and talks about the complexities of being a woman on birth control.  She talks about the unbalanced responsibilities of birth control, unhealthy relationships with churches and biases, and gets incredibly personal and intimate in a conversation about giving and living life.  She also encourages solidarity and empowerment for women everywhere to be in control of their lives and bodies and includes resources on how to be a better ally to the women in your life.  Another powerful episode of Screw Up the Podcast - Screw Up the Birth Control.  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"This uncle is...pretty gay."  Welcome one and all to another rousing episode of Screw Up the Podcast!  This week, we're not just stealing the spotlight, but also your hearts, and maybe your purses!  But don't worry, we'll never get away with it, because of meddling kids, like us!  In this week's episode, CJ wears a thong to be a trailblazing feminist (and a hot bitch!), Emma needs to be bleeped for the first time ever, and we both discover that we're too pure to be cool.  Break your child's piggy bank for bail money, it's time for Screw Up the Podcast! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I want someone in the Pentagon to figure out whether or not I have colon cancer." This week, Emma and CJ talk about going and having sex with yourself already!  We talk about our choices for the only songs we can listen to for the rest of our lives (off-topic?  on brand!), pegging, sounding, fisting, having hot greasy sex with yourself, and of course, what it's like to expose your sexual deviancy to a bunch of strangers accidentally!  Twist yourself into a comfortable position in that sex swing and lube up that 3-inch angry dildo you got as a gag gift; it's time for Screw Up the Sex Toy! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

TW: This episode covers mental illness, binge eating, self-harm, and intrusive thoughts, so please take care while listening or skip this episode if need be - we love you Screw Crew, be good to yourselves.  

"If emotions are horses, then moods are the chariot."  In an atypical episode in many ways, CJ discusses his new diagnosis as someone living with rapid-cycle bipolar 2.  He talks about what it's like to look back on a life that cried out for help, future plans to mitigate and protect his life from the disorder, and what you can do to be a beacon of light to yourself and others when it comes to mental health.  Please note that while this episode has a different tone, CJ does try to make himself, and hopefully you by proxy, laugh a few times.  Believe in yourselves, because weakness is the new strength - it's time for Screw Up the Podcast!   LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ ScrewUpThePodcast@Gmail.com •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!