The Sex & Podcast with Meagan Narvaez

Danina Avery is a Birth & Postpartum Doula, Childbirth Educator, and Breastfeeding Counselor who lives in south Florida. She provides services in the Miami-Dade, Broward, and West Palm Beach counties. Her biggest pursuit as a doula is to educate and instill the confidence in birthing families to be able to make decisions that fit best with their lifestyle. She decided to become a doula after her own birth and postpartum doula created such a difference in her, and her husband's, passage into parenthood. Serving all types of births – in homes, birthing centers, or hospitals, has brought so much fulfillment to her. All births are unique, not only to their location but also to their experience. Danina is always continuing her education, as birth evidence changes and evolves quite often. Her job as a birth worker allows her to provide the support parents and babies need in order to ease the transition into the wonderful life of parenthood.

In this episode we talk about:

• Danina's journey from college student, to young mom and doula.
• How birth can affect your body, sex life, and mental health post-partum
• Growing up in a family where sex is a taboo topic
• Myths and pressures of "bouncing back" after having a baby
• Why every birthing person needs to see a pelvic floor therapist post-partum (and maybe I do too!)

Resources:

Tylia Flores is a 24-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true.

This episode was previously published on 2/22/2020

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Kink/BDSM comes with a mix of taboo and curiosity. For those passionate about kink and are involved in the community, we see the ways that participating in kink is healing work. In this episode, I talk to Shanae “HonestlyNae” Adams (she/they) about her work as a Professional Domme, and the ways the experience has been transformative for them and their clients. For those with melanated skin, like Shanae, finding welcoming spaces can be a challenge, but it doesn’t stop her from entering those spaces and taking up the space she and her Black peers deserve to be included in. Shanae is also a therapist. We talk about the phenomenal ways therapy and professional dominating are similar, including boundaries, providing safety, and healing.

In this episode, we also talk about:

- Ethics of doing both Professional Domming and Therapy

- Navigating new spaces as a Black kinkster

- Kink shaming in the therapy field

- The world is on fire, literally and metaphorically, and not having the answers for how to navigate it

Shanae "HonestlyNae" Adams (she/they) is a Black therapist and Domme currently living in Denver, CO. Shanae serves their community in other ways including as an educator and sex-positive enthusiast. Their passion revolves around the liberation of embracing sexuality and are known for my dynamic workshops, sex-positive mindset, and eliminating the "taboo" surrounding sex and sexuality.

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Liam and her wife, Carrie, have been trying to have a baby for about a year. In the beginning, there was a romanticized feeling about what it would be like to conceive. The experience was intimate, sensual, and brought the couple closer together. Month after month of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant shifted the experience from joy to misery. As the one who would be pregnant, Liam never anticipated the dysphoria, dissociation, and trauma of having to put sperm, or “the material”, inside her body. She and her wife also didn’t anticipate the emotional toll it would take on their relationship. They both grieved each failed attempt together, but differently. With the support of a couple’s therapist, Liam and her wife were able to take a moment to reevaluate themselves and their relationship values. This has helped them let go of expectations and understand that no matter what happens in the future, their love for each other matters most.

Liam Martz is a 29-year-old white, queer, femme lesbian. She is a certified birth, postpartum, and full-spectrum doula and childbirth educator. Liam has a background as a sexual health educator, a certified medical assistant, a state reproductive policy activist, and a project leader for inclusive medical facilities.

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Roberta Garcia is a trans-female born in the South and now lives in Seattle. Growing up, she knew she was different, but didn’t have the language for why. Her family told her to stop acting and sounding feminine *insert limp wrist here*. When she was a teenager, still living as a male, Roberta was raped by a male. This period began her chronic battle with alcoholism, which became so severe that Roberta needed a liver transplant –– almost losing her life.

Roberta, fortunately, had a supporting, loving, accepting wife in Debra. As Roberta began to understand that she was actually bisexual and trans, Debra was there for her every step of the way. Unfortunately, Debra was also battling for her life, with her own health issues. Since Debra’s death, Roberta has experienced survivor’s guilt. Each day she continues to explore herself within her gender and sexuality through therapy, kink, polyamory, and geekiness.

(Original episode published 2/29/2020)

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Windy (she/they pronouns) is a 29-year-old self-liberator advocate and pleasure activist. She identifies as Afro Caribbean/Haitian and pansexual.

In this episode, Windy takes us on her journey to pleasure starting from when she began to question the sexual expression and education she learned in Haiti. Haiti, formally a French colony, still sees sexuality from a colonized perspective aka the way the French did. Windy recognizes how her culture sees sexuality is disconnected and has been lost through time, but that hasn’t stopped her from wanting to find what sexuality means to her.

In 2020, Windy was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri, a chronic illness that is like having a tumor in the brain that’s not actually there. While receiving medical care, Windy also contracted and overcame COVID-19. Throughout the grief, fear, and pain, Windy has used her desire to focus on pleasure to help her cope.

Windy's mission is to decolonize her sexuality, use pleasure to heal, and help others do the same.

Also discussed in this episode:

- decolonized sexuality

- colorism and anti-Blackness

- losing pleasure in a relationship

- rediscovering one's pleasure after a relationship

- fear of the medical system for Black people

- chronic pain and illness

- the pleasure in setting boundaries

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Lindsey Graves is a San Diego based Registered Nurse, Yoga teacher, and plant lady. She has also been sober from alcohol, or as she calls it, free of spirits, since 12/18/18. 

In the episode, Lindsey shares her journey to a Free Spirited life and the self-growth she has made in an alcohol-free mindset. Lindsey now has room to focus on her creativity, yoga practice, feminine energy, and self-esteem. Lindsey feels sexier and more present in her sex life now than she did while drinking. 

In this episode, we talk about the difference between substance sex and sober sex, breakups, healing, and how pets and plants help us move through our grief process. 

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Damien Edwards is a cis-male, gay African American. He is also a Texas native and the eldest of three kids. Growing up in Mansfield, Texas, a town with a history of being prejudiced and racist, he didn’t always feel like he had the freedom to be his authentic self. Through the years, Damien spent his time discovering who he wanted to be and what groups he fit into. Years of being questioned and ridiculed for things he could not change made him self-conscious. Damien is also a people pleaser and loves to help people in need. This, combined with other personality traits, can sometimes make him feel lost in a group even when it’s filled with people he loves and cares about.

Today, Damien works at a corporate office for an oil and gas company and runs a business with his boyfriend. He continues to try to better himself by always rising above any adversity he faces.

In this episode we talk about:

• Identity issues and insecurities
• Microagressions
• Sex
• Substance use
• Mental health
• Abandonment issues
• Beating identity statistics
• Self-worth
• Seeking therapy
  

Communication is key to having pleasurable sex. Not just what your turn-ons and turn-offs are, but also what are your hurts, your physical limitations, and when it’s time to pause because you’re getting triggered.

In this episode, host, Meagan Narvaez, talks about best practice communication through each stage of sex: before, during, and after.

Josephe "Pop" Buchanan is an American artist, author, activist, and podcaster. He is all about positivity and spreads the message of God, love, and sobriety. He was raised in Brooklyn and lost his father, Raymond "Rocky" Buchanan when he was only 13. This great loss has been the fuel behind Pop's passion.

Hey all,

This is a solo episode again. This is an episode that comes from the anger, sadness, exhaustion of the violence toward Black people that has escalated. And in that sprinkled wit hope that we can all find pleasure in radical resistance to the harm being caused. 

At the end, there is also an announcement. The Sex & Podcast will be taking a 6-week break. The plan is to prepare for Season 1 Part 2 and keep going with another 20 episodes. 

Make sure to subscribe to get a notification when the podcast is back, and follow me on social media to get more content. :)

Love you all. Thank you for your support. 

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Liz Goh is a 40-year-old, Chinese-Singaporean, female (she/her). She identifies as heteroflexible.

Liz’s personal goal is the continual education of sex-positivity in Asia, namely in Hong Kong and Singapore, where she spends most of her time normalizing sex conversations, through online forums and in-person workshop/discussion facilitation. Liz noticed a lack of online English language resources for sex education, sex positivity and sex/relationship coaches in Hong Kong, which lead Liz to start Sex Geekdom Hong Kong (a chapter of Sex Geekdom International).

In Liz’s personal life, she struggles with insecurity and self-inferiority. This often brings up feelings of anxiety, but being a regular yoga practitioner has helped her to center herself. Liz attributes some of this way of thinking from growing up in Singapore, a relatively conservative and restrictive environment to sexuality in its social norms and politics. As a way to heal and move forward, Liz sought the support of a Sexologist. Through working with her coach, Liz also uses meditation and breathwork as additional tools for self-reflection.

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CW: bullying, sexual assault, suicide ideation

Citra Benazir, 24, Jakarta, Indonesia — founder of Tis The Lyfe, a safe space for all volunteers and author of Pleasure Girls. Citra has a background in Diplomacy and International Relations, yet her passion is to voice and empower those who've lost theirs along the way. Currently, she likes to channel her view on Pleasure Activism, talking about the difficult things, ending stigmas, and shining a light on topics often hidden. Empowering others to speak up is her main focus.

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On this week’s episode, I explore 5 ways you can boost your sexual self-esteem. The answers might surprise you.

1. Look at yourself, nude, in the mirror. Say out loud one thing you love about your body each day.
2. Using a mirror, look yourself in the eye and tell yourself “I love myself.” The more you do it, the more you wholeheartedly believe it.
3. Maturbate. BONUS: scream your name while you cum
4. Drink water
5. Find pleasure in everything you do
   

Enjoy!

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Friday Elliott is a 33-year-old pansexual, Chicana/White cis-gender female (she/her).

CW: This episode discusses eating disorders, rape, domestic violence, alcohol abuse

Friday says she always felt a desperate need to please and to take care of others. This has led her to attach herself to people who feel too comfortable putting the burden of their own emotional work on others and refusing to take responsibility for themselves. She has a history of enabling that behavior and of conflating spinelessness with compassion.

This has led Friday to a series of unhealthy and often violent relationships. Almost 19 years old and pregnant, the father of her child became abusive, emotionally, and physically. She fled the relationship by dissociating when she needed to, and by seeking safety in two supportive co-workers. In the following relationships she experienced, Friday's dissociation became worse. She became the character she absorbed in literature and media for long periods, sometimes forgetting her child existed.

While working in the restaurant industry, Friday was involved in the restaurant culture of heavy drinking and drug use. This time in her life was marked by unfulfilling sexual encounters, typically leaving her feeling worse.

Since these times, Friday has been alcohol-free for a bit over a year. She attributes this growth with the help of her support systems, therapy, and tea. Friday is learning bit by bit to create boundaries with other people and learning to enjoy saying no. She's also stopped letting people tell her that she feels too strongly or has too much sexual interest.

Throughout her life experiences, Sacred Sexuality has always been key to her personal self-love and confidence. By shedding shame around being "too much," Friday has been able to prune unhealthy connections from her life. Instead, she's surrounding herself with mutually loving and respectful relationships.

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Jada Stinnett is a 22-year-old non-binary queer person, using she/her and they/them pronouns. She identifies as Black, Afro latinx, and Puerto Rican, using them interchangeably. Jada is a Senior at a university in Las Vegas, Majoring in Mechanical/Aerospace Engineering. She is also polyamorous.

In this episode, Jada and I talk about:

• her experience growing up queer in her family
• gender dysphoria around getting a period
• the polyamorous dating scene in Las Vegas
• how she introduced her new partner, who was unfamiliar to polyamory, to an already existing relationship partner. 
• how she makes her long-distance relationships work, even before COVID-19
• how putting on makeup is an act of self-care and self-love
• and how stress can take that away when she is feeling the pressure to succeed as the first one in her family to go to college.

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Yannil Gonzalez (she/her) is a 32-year-old Afro-Latina woman born and raised in New York City during the crack\cocaine epidemic of the late 80s. Subsequently, these conditions led to her being cocaine-addicted at birth and placed into the foster care system.

By the age of 3, she was adopted, and favorable circumstances would enable her to blossom. Although her upbringing wasn’t conventional, these very factors would serve as guiding principles as she matured. Using those experiences, Yannil intends on becoming a mouthpiece for other fostered/adopted people throughout America. She eventually plans on providing a space where people with similar stories are represented in a positive light. To do so, Yannil has painstakingly committed to her purpose, strategically positioning herself and earning a role in overseeing professional development for one of the most prominent law firms in the country.

Catch her sharing her life, her truth, and her story at an open mic in a borough near you.

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Monique Farook (she/her), the host of the Infertility and Me podcast, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in the Spring of 2016, in preparation for IVF. A year before getting the diagnosis, she noticed a decline in sexual desire and libido. She assumed it was because of stress from her career and working long hours. She had no idea until further researching the condition of how hypothyroidism affects reproductive sexual health and fertility.

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Brean’a Parker is a Black womxn, a nationally certified counselor, and a 4th-year doctoral student, obtaining her doctoral degree in Counselor Education and Supervision in May. Brean’a’s research and clinical practice area are Black women and women of colors’ experience of interpersonal violence; Social Justice Counselor Education based curriculum, and Narratives and Storytelling as gateways to understanding the lived realities of individuals at the margins of the margins.

In this episode, Brean’a talks about how womxn who experience domestic violence are coping with staying at home and having to social distance. We also reflect on how much privilege impacts one’s experience during the COVID-19 pandemic. Breana also talks about why it’s vital to focus on oneself and find new ways to receive pleasure, despite what’s happening in the world.

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Kaesiona Brown is a 29-year-old Caribean American using she/her pronouns. She lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband, 6-year-old daughter and is 6 months pregnant with twins. Kaesiona and her family are social distancing in the times of the Coronavirus. And it comes with some challenges and worries. In Orlando, schools have already been closed for 2 weeks and most businesses are closed because of COVID-19. Being 6 months pregnant, Kaesiona is worried about what will happen when she gives birth but is hoping things get better instead of worst. 

Fortunately, she is not letting any of this get in the way of fun, creative sex with her husband. Kaesiona shares tips for how to communicate fears, and get it on even when her daughter is around ALL THE TIME. Hint: buy some costumes ;)

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Jillian Lawrence is a 25-year-old cis-gender Bisexual/Queer Woman from Cape Coloured South Africa. She is also a Libra Sun, Gemini Moon. 

Jillian has dealt with mental health issues since her early teens as she developed a more troubling and negative relationship with herself. Dysthymia or high-functioning depression and general anxiety contributed to a history of self-harm/mutilation, body dysmorphia and eating disorders (or vulnerability to a full-blown eating disorder). Struggling to come to terms with her sexual identity and orientation were key factors to her mental health journey due to being raised in a conservative Christian home and Cape Coloured (Coloured South African) culture.  In 2014, Jillian went to therapy directly to deal with her self-harm addiction. Through continued therapy, Jillian also began to notice signs of borderline personality disorder.

Since then, Jillian has been able to notice unhealthy patterns and work to change them for the better. She has also worked to develop a more loving relationship with herself, which has helped her to be more comfortable with her body sexually. 

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Niki Kaur is a 21-year-old straight, cis-female born in Canada. She is also Indian and mildly Sikh.

When Niki was around 18 or 19, she was sexually assaulted by her ex-boyfriend, given the name ex-abuser for the show, which resulted in PTSD. From the beginning, her ex-abuser was manipulative and showed he did not care about her consent. No matter how many times she would try to set boundaries, her ex-abuser would twist the situation and make it about him. This put her in the position of having to emotionally take care of him, ultimately giving him a way back in to get what he wanted.

Fortunately, Niki has a support system that's helped her to heal. This includes her parents, her therapist, two close friends, and dating a guy that showed her what a real, healthy romantic relationship is. Niki has worked through her PTSD symptoms and found ways to let go of the shame and feelings of disgust she had after her rape. Now, she is here to share her story.

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Roberta Garcia is a trans-female born in the South and now lives in Seattle. Growing up, she knew she was different, but didn’t have the language for why. Her family told her to stop acting and sounding feminine *insert limp wrist here*. When she was a teenager, still living as a male, Roberta was raped by a male. This period began her chronic battle with alcoholism, which became so severe that Roberta needed a liver transplant –– almost losing her life.

Roberta, fortunately, had a supporting, loving, accepting wife in Debra. As Roberta began to understand that she was actually bisexual and trans, Debra was there for her every step of the way. Unfortunately, Debra was also battling for her life, with her own health issues. Since Debra’s death, Roberta has experienced survivor’s guilt. Each day she continues to explore herself within her gender and sexuality through therapy, kink, polyamory, and geekiness.

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Tylia Flores is a 24-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true.

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THIS IS PART 2 OF JULIA'S STORY. FOR PART 1, LISTEN TO EP 04

Content Warning: this episode describes childhood sexual abuse.

Julia Richardson is a 34-year-old cis-female (she/her pronouns) living in Taiwan. She is the lead singer of the Latin band, Café Con Pan. Julia is also a university professor, teaching English as a Foreign Language. It makes sense Julia is now a teacher. After experiencing severe anxiety resulting from date rape, and breaking up with her boyfriend of 3 years, Julia decided it was time to do something for herself and moved to Taiwan. 

After Julia moved to Taiwan, she was introduced to an intelligent and healing plant called Acacia, also known as Taiwan Ayahuasca and Formosahuasca. During this intensive spiritual practice is when Julia began to heal from her past traumas, but not before first re-remembering one of her most traumatic events—childhood sexual abuse. 

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Julia Richardson is a 34-year-old cis-female (she/her pronouns) living in Taiwan. She is the lead singer of the Latin band, Café Con Pan. Julia is also a university professor, teaching English as a Foreign Language. It makes sense Julia is now a teacher. When she was in school herself, school had always been a safe place for Julia, a place where she can escape her trauma and distract herself from other hardships.

Content Warning: this episode describes details of rape and the legal process afterward. There is also content related to emotional abuse, sexualization in childhood, and dating someone with a meth addiction. If you opt in to listen, please take care of yourself. Take deep breaths, take breaks, choose to end listening if you need to.

When Julia was 20, she went on a date with a man who was working on the construction site next to her job. On her date, he drugged her drink, took her to a motel room just outside of the city, raped her and abandoned her there in the middle of the night. It was after this event that severe anxiety began to set in.

Alex Flores is a 28-year-old Black-Latinx person who uses they/them pronouns.

From 2015-2017 they were in the military and have since been honorably discharged. Alex experienced too many encounters with sexual harassment, and even a case of sexual assault,  while in the military, which leads to trauma and distrust. In this continuation episode (GO LISTEN TO EP 02 FIRST), we talk about Alex's marriage to a person who struggled with alcohol abuse and how it affected their sex life.

We also talk about Alex's relationship goals and the way they navigate solo sex now that they're single again. 

Alex Flores is a 28-year-old Black-Latinx person who uses they/them pronouns. From 2015-2017 they were in the military and have since been honorably discharged. Alex experienced too many encounters with sexual harassment while in the military, and even a case of sexual assault, which lead to trauma and distrust.

In this episode, we explore trauma and depression related to military sexual harassment and assault, an unhealthy relationship that lead to a pregnancy, the death of their father, and racism in the South.

Listen to the very end to hear about next week’s episode.

Vanessa McBride is a 50-year-old, Puerto Rican-Colombian American woman (she/her) from Florida. She has three kids, the youngest in her first year of college. As an oncology nurse, Vanessa has a lot of experience and knowledge about cancer. But her understanding of cancer doesn't stop there. She is also a 22-year survivor of multiple cancer recurrences, after initially being diagnosed with stage-4 pseudomonas peritoneal carcinoma, a rare form of colon cancer, at the age of 28. Doctors told her she only had six months to live.

In this episode, Vanessa talks about the breakdown of her first marriage as both she and her then-husband struggled to cope with the cancer diagnosis in their own, separate way. Vanessa also describes how the multiple surgeries have left her with scars that deformed the way she felt and perceived her body for a long time. Feeling detached and desexualized from her body, it took Vanessa many years to rediscover herself and reconnect to her sexuality. We talk about what helped her find her sexual freedom as she came to a new chapter in her life, filled with support, sex toys, and a new marriage.

Most of all, Vanessa shares what had helped her keep going as she fought (and continues to fight) for her life-her children.

If you would like to get in touch with Vanessa, you can message her via Instagram @battlescars15. https://www.instagram.com/battlescars15/