The Mental Sessions - a pop-up podcast from The Shelf Help Club

For the first episode of this series, Toni is joined by Anna Mathur, a mum of three, a psychotherapist, author and speaker.

This our 13th and final episode of this Sober Sessions pop-up podcast.

A bonus episode to celebrate the end of the month and the end of the series, and today’s guest is here by popular demand.

When Toni first started recording this podcast she asked the Shelf Help community who they wanted her to interview, and the most popular request by FAR wasn’t a superstar author or a sober celebrity - but one of our very own superstars, Shelf Help Host David Mahoney.

Since rocking up to his 1st SHC meetup in West London in summer 2018, David has become an integral part of the Shelf Help Club community - and story.

And we're pleased to say that we've been an important part of his story too.

Celebrating 6 years sober on the 1st Jan, David works as a qualified counsellor and for the past year has been running his own PR and comms agency, David Mahoney Communications, specialising in ‘kind communicating’ and representing all kinds of businesses and people in the well-being space, including sober influencers and booze-free brands.

• The power of contentment
• How David gave up drinking for good on 1st Jan 2018 after doing Sober October 2017 then sliding back into problematic drinking for the rest of the year
• How he used ‘Dry Jan’ as a cover story for going sober sober (before he was ready to come out of the AF closet)
• Tips on making it easy for yourself in the early days
• Intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation
• The importance of mindset and doing the inner work at the same time as stopping drinking alcohol
• That there are many different ways to drink and many different ways to change how we drink
• All the positives and progress in his life since going sober
• Not comparing your sober story/progress with others
• Curating your life and environment carefully

SHOW NOTES + LINKS:

For this episode Toni is joined by Yasmin Spark, the founder of Align Events, the UK’s first non-alcoholic mobile cocktail bar.

Yasmin founded Align in 2022, after 6 years of being sober, to provide safe and fun alcohol-free drinking spaces. 

She's passionate about stopping ‘sober shaming’ and creating inclusive spaces to centre and celebrate non-drinkers, as well as delicious drinks to keep us coming back.

She’s also an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK.

In this episode we discuss:

• How Yasmin used drink as a way to manage stress (and how she now manages her mental health without using booze)

• How friendships can change when we change our drinking

• Her physical and mental rock bottom

• How researching the effects of alcohol on the body and mind has motivated Yasmin to stay sober

• Why Yasmin founded Align and the alcohol-free trends she's seeing around the UK

• Why we shouldn't wait until our drinking is a real problem to tackle our drinking

• The importance of seeking out groups and community doing the same thing

• Her #1 alcohol-free cocktail on a night out 

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

In this episode Toni is joined by one of her big girl crushes, Mia Mancuso, a writer, creator, alcohol-free advocate and oncology nurse from Los Angeles.

Mia, 47, also known as sober influencer, The Sober Glow, has been inspiring and educating on alcohol-free living since 2016.

She talks a lot about 'grey/gray area drinking': which is the habitual - and often problematic - drinking that doesn't fit the standard alcoholic/recovery model, because she believes there are many different reasons for and many different ways to change your relationship with alcohol.

Mia's motto for AF life is: Feel good while feeling it all, and she is a walking talking, glowing advert for the sober life.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why quitting drinking is seldom a linear process (and how it took Mia 18 years to stop!)
• The concept of 'grey/gray area drinking' and why AA isn't right for everyone
• That you don’t need to have a drinking problem for drinking to be a problem
• Changing our perspective on Dry Jan/a sober stint: for most of us it's something we GET to do, not HAVE to do
• How getting sober = feeling all those feelings (and why that is a good thing)
• Why getting uninvited to a wedding early in her sobriety journey was a gift in disguise
• How Mia believes getting sober has made her a better, more thoughtful and more conscientious person

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

In this episode Toni is joined by Scott Pearson, founder of the Proud and Sober platform, connecting sober and sober curious people in the LGBTQ+ community online and offline.

Scott, 33 and sober for 5 years, has become an influential millennial voice on the sober scene, and through his talks, writing and events is a huge advocate for changing the relationship this community has with alcohol.

In this episode we discuss:

• How as a binge drinker in his mid-20s Scott was drinking up to two bottles of wine per night

• How he used booze as a way to mask anxiety and low self-worth, how ultimately alcohol became interwoven with his whole identity and how he now manages his mental and emotional health without alcohol

• How his social life has completely changed since going sober 5 years ago and how he started Proud and Sober as a place for the LBGTQ+ community to come together that didn’t revolve around the usual bars, clubs (and booze)

• The importance of designing our lives and being intentional about what - and who - we spend our time and energy on

• Why moderating his drinking has never worked

• Why he’s grateful for his rock bottoms

• How Dry Jan is a great time to take a pause and reflect on your relationship with alcohol and how you want to use it

• The importance of surrounding yourself with people who know how it feels to do what you are doing

• Why you should tell everyone you know if you’re trying a sober stint

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

For this episode Toni is joined by Christy Osborne, the founder of Love Life Sober.

An LA girl now living in London, once an overdrinker now a sobriety coach, Christy, 40, coaches women - particularly mums - on how to get back in control of wine without using willpower.

She’s always sharing inspiration on her Instagram feed - @lovelifesoberwithchristy - and co-hosts a brilliant podcast called, But Jesus Drank Wine (and other stories that kept us stuck).

In this episode we discuss:

• The morning/moment that Christy decided her drinking was a problem and how getting sober was the first step in her self-development journey

• How her drinking looked like normal ‘mommy wine’ drinking and how our culture brainwashes parents into believing that alcohol is how to cope

• How she spent a long time as a hard partying hostess pretending to have fun but inside felt like a fake and a 'show pony'

• Why positive emotion is so much more powerful than shame and deprivation when it comes to habit change

• The chemical effects of alcohol on the mind and body and how alcohol hijacks our sleep

• That willpower is finite

• How we all drink for different reasons, but getting curious about your why often reveals that alcohol isn’t helping you the way you think it is

• How previous Dry Januarys ended in tears and/or self-recrimination for Christy

• Approaching a sober stint with an experimental mindset and remembering that nothing has to be forever

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

In this episode Toni is joined by Sober & Social founder, Emily Syphas. Once 'Head of Nightlife' for the world's largest concierge service, Emily went sober as a way to manage her mental health in 2018, but didn’t want to lose her (quite spectacular) social life, so used her skills and experience in hospitality to found Sober & Social in the same year.

She now organises super stylish alcohol-free events and parties, as well as workshops for brands and companies, and she’s a huge believer that going alcohol-free doesn't mean we have to miss out or compromise on life.

In this episode we discuss:

- How Emily started drinking problematically from the age of 12, and taking drugs from 17

- How drinking helped her escape from her dyspraxia and a neurodiverse brain

- The pain of the cognitive dissonance that comes when you want to quit drinking but you also think you love drinking and can't imagine life without it

- The growth that comes from discomfort

- Emily's many previous Dry Jans and sober stints, including signing up to church, running a marathon and juice cleanses as a way to keep her on the straight and narrow

- Why when it comes to self-care she believes there is nothing better we can do for ourselves than stopping drinking for an extended period

- How the micro choices we make lead to macro lifestyle habits

**NB there are a couple of swearwords in this episode - in case of little or sensitive ears**

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

In this episode Toni reconnects with fellow journalist, Ruby Warrington. Ruby is also an author, publisher and podcast host who coined the term Sober Curious in 2016 to describe the process of self-inquiry that comes as a result of getting curious about why we drink and what life might look like on the other side.

This conversation is a brilliant reminder of all that we have to GAIN by removing alcohol; mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In this episode we discuss:

- Ruby’s 10-year sobriety journey from ‘cocktail girl’ to the queen of the sober curious movement

- How a Dry Jan in 2013 was a turning point for her drinking

- How she used booze as a way to medicate difficult emotions and situations, including family dysfunction and social anxiety (and why being able to feel crap is so important)

- That the only thing we miss out on by not drinking is getting drunk (and the importance of asking ourselves why we feel that getting out of our head is valuable or necessary)

- How removing booze will give you more time, energy, self-awareness, clarity and self-trust, as well as better physical well-being, better sleep AND the best support system for deeper inner work and self-discovery

- How to use Dry Jan - or any sober stint - as an opportunity to investigate what really makes you happy (and the importance of writing this down)

- How to ride out cravings with sophisticated AF drinks

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

In this episode Toni is joined by one of her favourite authors - and humans - Shahroo Izadi. Shahroo is a Behavioural Change Specialist and the author of two best-selling books, The Kindness Method and The Last Diet.

Shahroo isn’t sober, but her work is all about helping people to create healthy new habits using kindness and self-compassion - and that includes supporting people to change their relationship with alcohol.

Toni chose The Kindness Method, as a Shelf Help BOTM (book of the moment) back in 2018 after it had a huge impact on her, helping her to make some major shifts in a once self-destructive lifestyle.

In this episode we discuss:

- Why sober stints are a great way to build self-belief

- Why shaming yourself into change doesn't work in the long-term

- The self-respect and self-trust that come when you start building evidence that you care about how you behave, even when nobody's watching

- How to set yourself up for success by anticipating that change is hard and getting excited about the opportunity to prove that you can do hard things

- Remembering that lots of the benefits of not drinking take a couple of weeks to kick in, so to give yourself some early wins by making a choice (or two) today that will make you proud tomorrow

- Turning down the volume on the way you speak to yourself as a way to avoid the F@CK IT button

- Remembering sobriety is a practice, and mastering it - like mastering anything - is chiefly about time in the saddle and doing something again and again until it becomes easier

- Making it easy to do the hard thing and supporting Dry Jan by making the month as lovely and nourishing as possible in every other way

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS

For the first episode of this series, Toni is joined by Bryony Gordon, journalist, best-selling author, podcaster, award-winning mental health campaigner, and founder of Mental Health Mates, the brilliant nationwide network of support groups that encourages people to get moving and talking.

Bryony is also 6 years sober.

In this episode we discuss:

- The moment Bryony decided to get sober, and how - after much resistance! - accepting the label of 'alcoholic' enabled her to get the help she needed and move forward 

- Why there's no such thing as a typical alcoholic OR a typical journey to sobriety

- The question to ask yourself if Dry January or any kind of sober stint feels/is impossible

- Booze for fun vs booze to numb

- How Bryony is working on her health and happiness today, and how getting sober has taught her she doesn't need to be constantly producing and achieving or to be the 'best' at anything to be worthy

- Why talking about addiction is the best way to move through any shame we feel around it

- Why she believes telling people to drink a highly addictive, legal drug 'responsibly' is bullsh!t

**NB there are a couple of swearwords in this episode - in case of little or sensitive ears**

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS: