Nia Conversations with Siya Ben

The last couple of months have been challenging for me. I’ve been in a space where I was filled with doubt and fear. Today I’m reminded that God is with me and that He’s already equipped me with everything I need. Sharing this made me a bit emotional. I hope you listen with an open heart.

How do you find a therapist that works for you? What can you expect to pay for a session? Today I discuss this and also talk about some of the free options available in South Africa. I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

I used to be hard on myself because I thought, “you should be over it by now, Siya. Come on, you cannot still be crying about the same thing.” But I’ve realised that that was me trying to rush the healing process. What I know for sure is that there is no timeline for healing. It’s a process and you need to be patient, kind and gentle with yourself.

As a person who was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, I’ve heard a lot of things from people who thought they were trying to make me feel better. While understand that they meant well and were coming from a good place, there are some things you should never say to someone with depression. Today I share a few of those things. I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

I’m still in a season of waiting in my life and today I want to talk about surrender. I’d like to share why I’m choosing to trust in something that is bigger than myself, something that is outside of myself, even when I don’t understand (sometimes). I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

I’ve been in a season of waiting for a while now and it can get a little frustrating at times. You’ve probably been in a place where you’ve trusted God for something, and hoped that he’d come through for you ASAP. What I’ve learned in this season, though, is that God doesn’t always do things when and how we want him to. On this episode I chat about what this season looks like for me and what has kept me going.

Today I just want to remind you that you’re not alone. May you be reminded that no matter how tough and lonely this season may be, you’re not alone. May you find comfort in this truth and may you draw strength from those who’ve come before you. I hope you’re able to listen to this episode with an open heart.

Have you ever had to navigate the workplace while battling with depression? I have! Today I open up about my experience and how it made me feel. I hope we can one day get to a place where people aren’t ashamed to talk about their experiences. Let’s silence the shame.

On this episode I chat about the other side of pain. I would have never imagined that I’d ever get to a place where the things that used to hurt me (and keep me up at night) no longer have the same effect on me. I’ve come to learn that there’s so much beauty on the other side of your pain. You just need to have an open heart.

I know for sure that tough times don’t last. Today, I want to remind you that things always get better. No matter what you’re facing right now, just know that you will get to the other side.

I’m in a place where I can safely say I feel good and I’m genuinely happy, from the bottom of my heart. I realise the importance of mentioning this because I’ve had many bad days. So, this is a space that I’m celebrating, one that I’m happy to be in. With that said, I think it’s also very important to note that it takes work (sometimes) to get here. Today’s conversation is about what doing the work really looks like. I talk about those moments that no one else sees, the moments that eventually lead to you becoming a better version of yourself. I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

The waiting season is not easy and I’ve had my fair share of struggles in this season. If you’ve ever found yourself here, you’ll probably understand why it sometimes feels so barren because you’re not producing any “fruit”. This is where I am right now. Listen as I share how I’m learning to stand. I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

One thing I’ve learned about trauma is that it changes your life forever — whether in a good or a bad way. Over the years, I’ve had many flashbacks about the rape incident and have had to find tools and resources to help me with the ordeal. Today I talk about one of the things l do whenever those violent flashbacks come. I hope you’re able to listen with an open heart.

Are you aware of the things you consume? Today’s conversation is about the importance of being intentional about the things that occupy your mind, heart and space. It can be friends, family members, the books you read, things you watch on TV/YouTube and the content you consume on social media. Whether you like it or not, these things affect your life whether it’s directly or indirectly. Pay attention! I hope you’re able to listen to this conversation with an open heart.

Today I was to share some of the songs that have helped me through some of my darkest moments. Not only did I find comfort in these songs, but they also served as a reminder of God’s love for me and His promise to never leave nor forsake me. I hope you’re able to listen to this episode with an open heart.

On this episode I speak about why I'm not a fan of being labelled as a Strong Black Woman. I've noticed that the term is often used to glamourise black women’s trauma or is always somehow attached to how much pain you can endure as a black woman.
While being strong can be seen as a positive trait, I think the Strong Black Woman stereotype sometimes encourages black women to not show weakness or their vulnerable side. I hope you're able to listen to this episode with an open heart.

Does prayer heal depression? This is the question I intend to answer in today’s conversation, based on my personal experiences. While I believe I. God and the power of prayer, I also believe in seeking professional help. I hope you’re able to receive message and listen with an open heart.

This episode deals with one of my favourite topics: kindness. One thing I know for sure about me is that I can be too hard on myself. I've realised that I never give myself a break or even give myself the same understanding and compassion that I give to my loved ones when they're faced with tough situations.
We really need to be kinder and gentler with ourselves because we’re not finished products. I don’t believe that anyone can confidently say that he/she is perfect. Life happens to all of us and we have so much to deal with.
Going forward, I would really like to practice more kindness towards myself. I hope that you can also do the same. Just be kind.

I'm sure no one likes to go through pain, but I think it's very important to sometimes see it as a gift because it often comes with so many eye-opening and life-changing moments. Today I want to share some of the lessons I've learned through my painful season(s).

Today I speak about who the Nia Conversations Podcast is aimed at. Who did I have in mind when I created this platform? That’s what I’ll be sharing on and I hope this inspires you to find or define “the one” in whatever you’re doing.

Today’s episode is about some of the key lessons I’ve learned along the way. I’d like to share them with you and I do hope that you’re in a place to receive what I have to say.

*Trigger warning* This episode deals with the shame that comes after a sexual assault. I get candid about my own experience and the shame that came after I was sexually assaulted. I also touch on why shame might be one of the reasons why some people choose not to come forward after being violated. Each person’s journey and story is different and it’s not up to us to decide when or how a person should share their experience. Remember, empathy and compassion go a very long way.

Happy New Year! This first episode for 2021 is all about reflecting on the previous year — the lessons learned, people lost and goals that still need to be achieved. I also talk about the importance of giving from a healthy/good place and living your fullest and most authentic self. Enjoy!

Today I was reminded of God’s love for me. This came unexpectedly while I was listening to one of my favourite gospel songs, Kirk Franklin’s “Hold Me Now”. It took me back to a very dark, painful and difficult season and was a reminder of how faithful and loving God. It might now look like it when you’re going through dark times, but God’s hand is always upon your life. He has promised to never leave nor forsake us.

It’s been a rather challenging time. A lot has changed in the world in the last couple of months. Here, I share some of the things I’ve been doing to keep myself afloat.

Keeping a gratitude journal has truly changed my life. Practicing gratitude has shown me that I have so much to be grateful for, every single day, and that I already have everything I need.

You are enough, just as you are. There’s this misconception that worldly success somehow increases your value as a person. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Nothing can ever take away from the fact that you are enough, and your value as a person should never be attached to external factors.

It’s 2020 and I cannot believe that there are people who still blame and shame victims after they share their stories. There are many reasons why people who’ve been sexually violated decide not to report their experiences, and this episode will discuss a few of those reasons.

This is a reminder that healing is not a linear process. Sometimes you’re okay, and other times you’re not okay. And that’s perfectly normal.

Have you ever been so broken that it felt like your whole world was ending? I’ve been there and I know how painful and confusing that season can be. I’ve learned, though, that God always meets us right in our brokenness. So, even if your world is falling apart, trust and believe that God is with you and that He will see you through whatever you’re facing.

This episode talks about the importance of pouring into yourself first, before giving to others. You can only give to others what you give (or have given) to yourself.

It’s amazing what God can do with our pain. Over the years, I’ve come to truly know Him as a healer. This episode details on my experience with God’s healing power and how He has, and continues to make me whole.

I really do believe that hurt people hurt people. It’s taken me a few years to understand this and to be able to forgive the person who raped me, and release him. It hasn’t been easy, but it has helped me to move forward in my healing journey. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.

I think we can all agree that we’ve experienced at least one thing that has left us with scars. We’ve been through things, whether from childhood or adulthood, that have negatively impacted the people we are. Today I speak about unhealed trauma and the importance of confronting it. I used to be called all sorts of names when I was younger and they really affected my self image. I had to unlearn certain things that I believed to be true about myself. The rape incident also really left me with emotional scars that I’m still confronting today. I’m committed to choosing to become a better version of myself every single day and that’s why I believe in confronting your trauma.

Have you noticed how we’re not allowed to talk about things that are deemed as “shameful”? This is a sad reality for many of us and we end up having g to carry the weight (or shame) of things we didn’t choose. We carry the pain and burden for years because, “no, you can’t talk about that.” I do, however, believe that you can’t experience your highest and most authentic self without dealing with the messy parts parts of your life.

They say you can’t give from an empty cup. I totally agree with this statement! This week, I chat about what I do when I find myself in a place where I can no longer give to others (and myself). For me, when I get to that place, it’s all about working on filling my own cup first, before I can be anything else to other people.

Are you in a good space? A lot is happening in the world right now and I’m going through all kinds of emotions. On this episode I share my current mental space and the things that are coming up in terms of my healing. I’ve been presented with yet another layer of healing and I won’t lie, it’s taking me to a very vulnerable space.

When your loved one has been diagnosed with depression, a lot of things probably go through your head. On this episode I share a few ways in which you can support your loved one. I also reached out to LifeLine Western Cape and one of their counsellors, Glynis Depper shared a few tips.

I believe that therapy is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give yourself. On this episode I speak about what made me go to a therapist. I share my experience and unpack some of the things I’ve learned so far. The journey hasn’t been an easy one, but it has certainly been worth it.

This time I talk about how a bible scripture became my theme in 2018. It was all about Isaiah 61:1-3. God proved to me that He was listening to my prayers — He sent people and resources my way in order to not only confirm and fulfill His word, but to also heal and restore me.

I’ve learned that healing comes in layers. It’s certainly not an easy journey and process — some days are better than others. Here, I talk about what my healing journey has looked like. It’s been filled with a lot of ups and downs, overwhelming moments that have led me to a psychiatric hospital. The journey has been tough, but it’s always resulted in this version of myself — the most beautiful and happiest I’ve ever been.

Trauma does really change a person’s life. It’s just one of those things that comes unexpectedly and you have no choice but to accept it. For me, my life changed drastically after I was raped in 2013. This episode is about the day that incident happened, what was going through my mind at the time and what my life looked like after that incident. There were many ups and downs, highs and lows. I also share a bit about how this led to my relationship with God.

On this first episode I introduce the Nia Conversations Podcast. This podcast was inspired by my story as a rape survivor and it’s aimed at reaching out the thousands of rape survivors and other people who’ve been through life-changing traumas not only in South Africa, but in the of the world. I want to shine the spotlight on my own experiences — whether good or bad — my healing journey, therapy, wellness, mental health and other real and meaningful conversations. I also want to talk about my walk with God because I believe that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Him. It has been a journey filled with ups and downs and I’m happy to share it with the rest of the world.