The Springs in the Desert Podcast: Catholic Accompaniment Through Infertility

We've arrived at the third and final minisode of our theological virtues series, this time focusing on the virtue of Love. Father Paul joins Ann to begin unpacking what love really is, and spoiler alert, it's not what the world will try and tell you or sell you. The great news for us is that real love is so much deeper because it involves Jesus!

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In this first minisode of a three part series on the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Love, we'll explore the virtue of Faith with psychotherapist and theologian, Clare Kane. Clare explains what Faith is and how it's lived out in our own personal prayer lives, but also in our marriages.  Listeners please let us know how you are putting your faith into action!

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If you missed our Lenten retreat titled, "Into the Garden", then this episode is especially for you. We will continue our recent meditations on a couple of the gardens in Scripture and how those encounters with God relate to infertility. May this discussion enrich your prayer time this Holy Week!

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Continuing the theme of work during the month of St. Joseph, we take a deeper dive into how to gracefully handle situations at work that may be difficult during a season of infertility. Ann invites Todd and Stacy Stephenson on the pod to explore ways we can be charitable to our coworkers while at the same time taking care of ourselves.

This episode will offer some tools so you can create your own “emergency self-care response toolkit,” to feel more equipped to handle sensitive situations at the office.

Do you sometimes have negative thoughts and feelings around your job - especially in a season of infertility? In this Desert Reflection Ann and Cassandra take a look back at thoughts about work as shared by members of our community. They share with each other how even a "dry" work situation can be fertile ground for fruitfulness - for ourselves, our marriages, and those around us.

It's March, the month of St. Joseph.  Let us ask his intercession as we develop healthy attitudes regarding work.

We know the workplace can be another area of our lives where the cross of infertility can feel heavy. That's why we wanted to welcome licensed counselor, Edward Luersman, back on the podcast.  Edward shares practical ways we can feel seen yet safe at work while carrying the cross of infertility without feeling crushed by it. Please share with us any coping strategies you've found helpful for the workplace, because they might be helpful for someone else! Links:

We've arrived at the fourth and final episode of our Examination of Conscience series in which we will reflect on our relationship with ourselves. As usual, Fr. Paul will take us through an examination but this time we'll think about the ways we've treated ourselves and the beliefs we've carried about ourselves in the past. May this final examination draw us even more into the heart of the season of Lent as we come and ask for healing from our Lord.

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This week we air our third podcast in our miniseries on examining our consciences. The Springs in the Desert spiritual Father, Fr. Paul, takes us again into an examination as we look at our relationships with others. It's a gift to live in community yet sometimes it can be a real challenge. May this examination help us open ourselves up to the grace the Lord wants to give us this Lent! 

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We welcome back Fr. Paul to this second episode in a miniseries on examining our consciences. He and Jillian discuss why it's common to experience fear and discomfort surrounding the Sacrament of Confession, but why it's completely not necessary! To end the episode, we'll again dive right into another examination where we take some quiet time and individually examine our relationship with our spouse. May this short prayer time help us start our Lenten journey off on the right foot.

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Welcome to the first podcast in a miniseries on examining our consciences. Father Paul, our Springs in the Desert spiritual Father, explains what an examination is and why it's healthy and beneficial to do regularly. Then we'll actually dive into one where we take some quiet time and individually examine our relationship with God.  This should be a prayerful and meditative time to help us prepare for the beginning of Lent! 

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Our special guest this week, Bethany Meola, discusses Life Giving Wounds, a ministry she founded with her husband, which helps adult children of divorce or separation find healing. Do you come from a broken home? Have your parents been separated or divorced? If you have wounds from your family of origin, you are not alone. Remember, the Lord wants us to live joyful and abundant lives, no matter the crosses we carry. Despite her own experience of infertility, Bethany shares her marriage's encouraging story of fruitfulness by way of adoption, founding a ministry, and publishing a book!

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We welcome back special guest and licensed counselor, Clare Kane, on the podcast this week to discuss intimacy in a season of infertility. She shares some common threads she sees when meeting with couples struggling with infertility as it relates to intimacy. If this is an area of your marriage where you're seeing some wounds emerge, you're not alone. Clare will help put words to why we may be feeling the way we are, and what we can do to bring healing and help restore our relationships with our spouses in this area.

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In this Desert Reflection, Jillian and Stacey dive a little deeper into The Five Love Languages as we continue to reflect on how to keep the spark alive with our spouse. Being in tune with how our spouse ticks, can deepen our bond with them and strengthen our marriages which is something we all want!

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It can be a challenge to keep the flame alive during a season of infertility. Springs team members, Ian and Cassi Durnan, share with Ann their own personal struggles in their marriage when it comes to daily connecting with their spouse at a deep and intimate level. They also reveal some ways they've worked through things to get to a place of mutual nurturing, encouragement, and care in their relationship. After listening, you'll feel enticed to pour energy into your relationship with your own spouse and get to know them even better than before!

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Happy New Year Springs in the Desert Listeners! We'll start the year off revisiting an old favorite, the Word of the Year. Have you picked a word for the year yet? Springs team members, Ann and Cassandra have, and they go deep sharing their personal reflections and insights as they unwrap what their words mean for them. Spoiler alert, one of the words is 'trust' and what they discuss regarding it, may be just what's sitting on your heart too.

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Jillian and Ann discuss the various conversations where one might face challenges in a season of infertility in today’s episode. From setting up an appointment to talk with your pastor and navigating questions from family and friends to having fun with your spouse and changing up your practice of prayer, they talk through how to begin these conversations that may be difficult to navigate. Together, we can change the infertility conversation, so be sure to share your suggestions with us!

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On the pod this week we welcome Mari Wagner, co-owner with her husband, of West Coast Catholic, a popular Catholic lifestyle brand. Mari shares about all things homemaking with Spring's team members, Allie and Cassandra. She offers some great advice on how to make your house a home in which the art and decor can draw your gaze up to heaven. She also shares some pearls of wisdom on building intentional community and fostering the habit of praying the rosary.

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Advent is here! Ann chats with Fr. Paul about how we can take advantage of this beautiful season in the Church to get close to the Lord. Just as we would prepare our house for Christmas, we can take this opportunity to prepare our souls as well. Ann and Fr. Paul give some tailored and practical advice as it relates to prayer, fasting and almsgiving during a season of infertility. Let us help you set the stage for your "Little Lent!"

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Cassandra and Jillian chat with Mary Bruno all about Spiritual Motherhood and how to cultivate it. They discuss that because infertility exists, we can be confident that God has entrusted us with many avenues in which to be fruitful. Through discernment and our daily “yes,” spiritual motherhood and fatherhood make God’s love tangible to those around us in an abundance of ways!

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Our Desert Reflection this week deals with the timely topic of gratitude. As we are about to sit down at the Thanksgiving table, it's an appropriate time to consider the feelings of gratitude we may sometimes struggle to cultivate during a season of infertility. Ann and Cassi help renew our perspective on gratefulness and offer practical suggestions so we can go from rotely listing our blessings to really experiencing the joy of gratitude deep within our hearts.

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Are you praying in desperation? Do you wonder why it seems God is answering everyone else's prayers except your own? Fr. Paul shares his wisdom regarding prayer with Ann and Jillian on this week's desert reflection. We are importantly reminded that God always answers our prayers though not always how we had envisioned or in our timing. But it's always better than what we had in mind!

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What does being okay with being okay look like in a season of infertility? Ann and Cassi share how it's possible to grieve your infertility while also experiencing deep joy and surrender. It doesn't mean that you don't have your hard days, but rather, that you can still enjoy an abiding peace all while knowing God is working everything out for your good.

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Have you been thinking about adoption? Not sure where to start? It's normal to have a lot of questions and maybe even some fear. Cassandra chats with Catholic writer, Emily Stimpson Chapman, and one of the Springs founders, Kimberly Henkel, and picks their brains on all things adoption. If you feel like God might be calling you to adopt, you'll want to listen in!

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In today's episode, Ann and Jillian invite special guest, Victoria Cerise, back on the show to discuss a deeply personal and difficult topic, grieving a miscarriage. Victoria generously shares her story of loss and offers healthy suggestions on how to journey through the grief that often accompanies miscarriage. They discuss the difficulties that even this community can face in comparing the crosses we carry, but they share ideas of ways to lighten the cross for each other.

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This week Cassandra and Ann welcome special guest and licensed counselor, Clare Kane, to the podcast. The women discuss processing the transition into menopause and where it intersects with the experience of infertility. Clare shares some of her story and gives encouragement to those walking this path into a new horizon of life and marriage.

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We welcome back Jamie Rathjen of the Fiat Institute this week to discuss a deeply personal topic to her, miscarriage. Jamie shares with Jillian and Christina her own story of loss and its physical, emotional, and spiritual effects on her. Although a heavy cross, we see through Jamie's story God working all things for the good for those who love Him.

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For our Desert Reflection this week, Jillian welcomes back licensed counselor, Edward Luersman, on the podcast. The topic of discussion is on grief and how it can manifest itself during infertility. It is completely acceptable and healthy to grieve your infertility, and Edward gives our listeners some practical tips on how to process that grief.

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On the podcast this week, we welcome Theresa from The Loveliest Masterpiece. Theresa shares with Springs team members, Jillian and Cassi, her story of infertility, miscarriage, and hope. Just like no two women's infertility journey's are the same, Theresa talks about the multiple crosses of infertility and loss she has carried. She also talks about her ministry called, The Loveliest Masterpiece, which creates specially curated gift boxes for women in various places on the path of motherhood. Theresa reminds us that by sharing our stories, we can bring healing to our lives and to others'.

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We hear this concept thrown around often in the Catholic sphere, but what does it really mean, to live liturgically? Cassandra and Ann welcome special guest, Steffani Aquila, from His Girl Sunday, to discuss this topic. Steffani gives some great ideas on how to start living liturgically if we've never done so before, or new ideas to try if it's something with which we're already familiar. She reminds us living liturgically is not something only families with children can do, but that it's a gift for everyone, adults most definitely included!

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In today's Desert Reflection, Ann and Fr. Paul explore the lives of Saints Joachim and Anna, the Virgin Mary's parents. Since these saints are the patrons of Springs in the Desert, it's only fitting we get to know them and learn from them, especially how they carried their cross of infertility. These saints are perfect role models of how to grow in holiness, even in times of great trial.

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Jillian and Christina welcome Edward Luersman to today's episode. Edward is a Springs in the Desert contributor and licensed professional counselor whose focus includes infertility, miscarriage, and their associated grief. He begins by sharing about some of the common feelings and experiences he sees in his practice among people struggling with infertility or loss. Then he discusses how we might often see God the Father through the lens of our earthly father, which can lead to a misunderstanding about who God the Father really is. Our human relationships are imperfect, and our earthly fathers fall short and even disappoint us. But God is our eternal, loving Father, whose arms are always open to us.

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During a season of infertility, going to Confession can be difficult. Maybe we've been hurt by insensitive advice in the past from a confessor. Or maybe, we've never had a correct understanding of Confession. Father Paul West chats with Ann about how to reframe our understanding of Confession to more easily and frequently approach the Lord's Mercy. 

In the second of two episodes recorded with special guest Victoria Cerise, we dive into what marriage prep didn't prepare us for and how we can help enhance it for future couples. A lot of good comes from Catholic diocesan marriage prep courses, however, preparing a couple for the cross of infertility is most often not part of the discussion. Listen in for ways that dioceses and parishes can open up conversations around infertility in marriage prep, and consider offering these suggestions and the tools available from Springs in the Desert to your diocesan Family Life director or pastor! 

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Being active in parish life can be a struggle when you are longing for a child. Your parish is supposed to be your family, a place of rest in the Lord and fellowship, but when you are in a season of infertility, that same place can feel very isolating. This Desert Reflection reminds you that your parish needs you, because you have gifts that no one else has. Your marriage is essential to building up the Kingdom of Heaven, starting right in your parish. Stacey and Ann offer some practical suggestions for using your gifts, and we invite you to share with us any creative ways you have found to serve your parish. They may be helpful ideas for others to try! 

This week Jillian and Ann welcome special guest Chris O'Neill, Director of Marriage and Family Life for the Archdiocese of New Orleans. Chris not only speaks to the reality of the suffering of infertility, but the important role those struggling with it play in the Church. Chris draws from the wisdom he gained from his formation at the John Paul II Institute, his own personal experience, and his growing understanding of the struggle and potential fruitfulness of this cross through ministering in the Archdiocese. The path of infertility can feel like a lonely walk, but this conversation encourages those on the path to know that the Church sees them and is walking with them.

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The Springs in the Desert Team is on summer break - but we'll be back next week with another full length episode! Please enjoy this replay episode on focusing on Christ, not conception. This is an important reminder for all of us as we walk the path of infertility, but especially as we deal with decisions regarding treatment and charting our cycle (it is NFP Awareness Week, after all!)

Jillian and Christina discuss the idea of hope and how—even through ups and downs, and when the desires and dreams in life don't turn out the way we envisioned—we have the certainty of our "Great Hope" in Christ. Let's anchor our hope in Him today as we continue to walk this path together!

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In this first of two episodes, Jillian and Cassandra visit with special guest Mary Bruno. Mary shares her own personal infertility story, and the fruit that has come from that suffering.  She also talks about Twelve Stripes Deep, the book she wrote detailing her story, and her non-profit dedicated to fertility awareness. Mary's story is real and honest, and ultimately inspiring!

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In this fun episode, Jillian hosts a returning guest, Natalie Blackford, to talk about her experiences with low-toxin living for overall better health. Natalie has a real passion for living more naturally and with great enthusiasm she shares some helpful tips and tricks to get rid of toxins in your life. This episode is not meant to be intimidating or cause stress (even small changes can often make us feel better!), but for those who want to learn more about this way of life, you won't be disappointed listening to Natalie's suggestions!

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Our special guest this week is Jamie Rathjen, founder of the Fiat Institute, a program which trains women across the U.S. to become hormone coaches. Her mission is to better help women understand their hormone health by offering suggestions for natural lifestyle changes that can help make a difference in their hormone health.  

For many of us on the path of infertility, charting feels like something we must do as a means to accomplish a goal. When charting feels forced—even exhausting—Jamie asks listeners to consider where we can find our "feminine genius" in the process. She reminds us that women are more than our "signs and symptoms," and that charting is a helpful tool, but it's just part of our health and infertility stories.

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Did you know that God lovingly and carefully picked your cross for you? Jillian and Alissa talk with Dr. Megan Reister about this idea of God as a carpenter, chiseling away in His workshop. No two crosses are the same, so we should never compare our cross with another person's. What gifts has the Lord hidden in your cross? Listen to this podcast to learn more and be inspired!

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In this light-hearted Desert Reflection, Jillian chats with Alissa West about listening to music as a means to foster healing. She touches into the science behind it as well as her background as a music therapist. They also compare the effectiveness of listening to religious vs. secular songs. Please let us know any of your go-to songs that have helped you on the path of infertility!

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Our special guest this week is speaker and author Elizabeth Kelly. Liz has written numerous books for women to help them realize God's beautiful plan for their lives even when things seem to be going off the rails. Though they only scratch the surface of her books, Jillian and Ann's conversation with Liz explores the goodness of our desires, learning to surrender them to God, and trusting in the healing and fulfillment that God will bring into our brokenness. Liz will draw you in with her gentleness and sincerity as she speaks to the heart of each listener with comforting words of wisdom.

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Today on the podcast, we welcome Fr. Paul West to teach and encourage us how to pray—especially when we don't feel like it or are in a season of dryness. He gives advice on the best time to pray, where we should pray, and especially how we can pray. After listening to this podcast, you'll feel motivated and inspired to put your phone and other distractions away and just show up to listen and talk to God because He has much to tell us! 

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Our special guest this week is Victoria Cerise, a Catholic wedding photographer who travels all over the United States capturing photos for weddings and other special occasions. Jillian and Ann chat with her about her work and the many opportunities for fruitfulness she finds in it. Victoria also invites us to remember that, even for those in a season of infertility, there is so much in life to celebrate! She shares some great ideas for documenting our marriages, times with family and friends, and capturing special memories with a photo session. Please visit her website below to check out her phenomenal work!

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In this Desert Reflection, Jillian and Cassandra discuss the pros and cons of social media use. There are many wonderful things about social media, however, most of us are aware of the damage social media can do to our mental and emotional health. You'll hear some practical advice on how to use social media in a healthy and balanced way, such as setting app limits and turning off notifications. Listen to hear some more tips!

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What is Springs of Love? Jillian and Ann talk with Kimberly Henkel about the sister ministry she started that helps couples discern foster care and adoption. Don't miss the beginning of the episode for a great discussion on spiritual motherhood and the importance of grieving infertility while in the process of discernment. If you feel called to foster care or adoption or are just curious about what that looks like, you'll want to listen in and hear some remarkable stories that Kimberly shares.

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During a season of infertility, Mother's Day can be the hardest day of the year. Jillian and Ann give some great advice on how and why you can celebrate this day too. If you're feeling anxious or sad, ask the Blessed Mother to hold your hand. She understands this is can be a very difficult day. Also, remember that your community at Springs in the Desert is holding your hand too and is standing with you.

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Jillian sits down with Dr. Megan Reister and Alissa West to listen to their personal stories of walking the path of secondary infertility. This conversation reminds us that there are all different types of infertility and no two paths are identical. Sometimes it can be difficult to find a physical community of friends in your area who understand how you're feeling or the place you're in. That's why Springs in the Desert was created! We want to remind you that this community is for you: you do belong here!

Prayer:

O Lord, I come to you with a gracious heart for trusting me with the souls of your children. Help me to be a worthy example of faithfulness, love, and trust in You. Let me never take for granted how precious their lives are. Let me never forget the intense longing felt while navigating the waters of infertility, or the elation and relief upon their birth. Help me to be a gentle, patient, and understanding mother, remembering that each day with them is a gift.

Lord, as I navigate through the waters of motherhood, I find myself between two worlds of women: those still experiencing infertility, and those who have borne children. I can't help but feel guilty as though I've left the first group behind, while simultaneously feeling misunderstood in the latter group as I carry the scars of infertility; scars that most mothers don't fully understand.  

I pray that those still longing for motherhood find fruitfulness in all the gifts You bestow them. I pray that those women with effortless fertility find wonder and awe in the miracle of life. I pray that those who find themselves in between find camaraderie among all women. I pray that women find their place in Your glory no matter their circumstance—infertile, fertile, and anywhere in between. 

Amen.