Stealing the Remote

’Twas the day before Valentine’s Day when the podcasting girlfriends discussed the Kung Fu Panda trilogy! We go over Orientalism, first cinema experiences, Puss in Boots versus Dead Poets Society, how Glee can help you learn English better than any teacher, fatphobia, pear-shaped pandas, Jar Jar Binks and Drunken Fist wushu, Rebel Wilson, Fate: The Winx Saga casting, animating female anthropomorphic animals without boobs, my bullet point skills, Chosen One narratives, ableism, how little I remember of the live-action remake of Disney’s Mulan and its state worship, and the four musicals I actually like!

My girlfriend stayed mostly awake for three hours to watch Zack Snyder’s director’s cut of Watchmen! We discuss the deconstruction of superheroes as pathetic, the many shades of moral grays in all its characters, the threat of nuclear war and the current state of Trumpian politics, and somehow we still have fun. Also, can anybody tell me what Carter or Kennedy looked like?
In this episode’s Trailer Time, I show her the Teaser for HBO’s limited series Watchmen and we discuss if she’ll be able to sleep afterwards!

Come and witness the first structured episode of Stealing the Remote! My lovely girlfriend Mijntje has notes and we barely get off-topic while discussing the trippiest biographical musical out there, Dexter Fletcher’s Rocketman! We dissect my lack of knowledge about Elton John, her crush on Richard Madden, and how much I hate that guy.
In this episode’s Trailer Time, we watch the trailer for Lasse Hallström‘s Chocolat, which unfortunately includes Johnny Depp. We’re sorry.

My girlfriend had somehow never seen Patty Jenkins’ Wonder Woman despite living on this planet as a person of the female variety, so what better occasion to get her caught up than the release of its sequel, Wonder Woman 1984? She fawns over Chris Pine, compares the plot to Tom Shadyac’s Bruce Almighty and explains her complicated relationship with glasses. I bring up CGI, fangirly characterization complaints and continuity issues. We also discuss Spider-Man’s religious beliefs, for some reason. #ReleaseTheFannyPackCut!
During Trailer Time, we watch the second Red Band Trailer for Tim Miller’s Deadpool!

It's my turn again! My lovely girlfriend Mijntje watched David F. Sandberg's Shazam! along with me so I could prove to her that DC Films had a fun, funny, festive Christmas movie in its catalogue. Depressing, my ass. We cover the Fawcett Comics history briefly and without research, profess our love for the Marvel Family as well as the casting director, and talk about Stanley Tucci, for some reason.
On this episode's Trailer Time, we compare the Comic-Con First Look to the Bohemian Rhapsody trailer for David Ayer's Suicide Squad!

Welcome back to the new and possibly improved but probably equally middle-of-the-road Stealing the Remote! For season two I have asked, manipulated, and/or bribed my lovely girlfriend Mijntje to join me on my quest to make people watch movies I like. Somehow, she then tricked me into watching a movie she liked: Tom McGrath's Megamind!
What I can nitpick about a movie made for superhero fanatics like myself? When did my girlfriend cry during Man of Steel and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? Why do I struggle finishing books I want to read? Find out by listening, and please count along with how many times Mijntje reminds me of stuff while I joke about never forgetting anything! We disclose the age gap we're dealing with in this season and how she was still introduced to Batman earlier than I ever was, as well as what kinds of movies we might discuss together in the future. (I’m also a little too excited to be podcasting again and saying "regardless" a lot when we inevitably go off-track.)
On this episode's Trailer Time, Mijntje makes me watch the Teaser Trailer for Dexter Fletcher’s Rocketman! A music-filled movie, what a surprise.

We return with the fifth installment in the Jurassic Park franchise, J.A. Bayona’s Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom! In our second take on this movie, we decide whether to let nature take its course or save the dinosaurs, I wonder if Hollywood isn’t just an island, and Mom remembers my toy dinos fondly. Bryce Dallas Howard’s running on heels is scrutinized, Mom steals my jokes and we briefly mention the chapter on The Silence of the Lambs in my bachelor’s thesis because Ted Levine plays a dinosaur dentist in this one. We discuss the difference between fighting wars and fighting off an invasion and somehow drag in WWII and the actions of ICE under Trump. We plan Mom’s Hollywood career as an actress/screenwriter, she recalls a television interview with a Dutch author, and debate the importance of using language that doesn’t have a history of oppression attached to it.

Back for another comic book movie, I lure Mom in with promises of Colin Firth without spoiling/warning that he violently kills dozens of people! In our episode on Matthew Vaughn’s Kingsman: The Secret Service we talk for a bit about my mom’s legs, she confuses the first scene for the second scene and vice versa, and I rely completely on what she tells me about Pygmalion; the Shaw play, not the myth, as there are decidedly fewer statues to fall in love with. Somehow, we briefly mention Donald Trump, because I’m sure he’ll love the media attention. I try to get to the bottom of what framing of violence is worse to my mother’s sensibilities, in order to gauge whether or not movies that question why, as a society, we enjoy violence as entertainment are less offensive to her – and therefore possible future episodes.
For this episode’s Trailer Time, Mom gets to choose from the Aquaman and Shazam! Comic-Con trailers and picks the latter, which is a choice I approve of.

We make our triumphant return to form with a superhero film that requires me to explain the history of the genre in order to make Mom understand this wasn’t actually that mediocre for the time it was released: Bryan Singer’s X-Men! Having been on vacation to Israel, where we visited Yad Vashem, we get into our happiest episode yet, as we extensively discuss the Holocaust and when it is appropriate to use that as character motivation, especially in the case of a Jewish villain. We also discuss the problems surrounding the Mutant Registration Act and the possibility of facilitating prosecution by registration in general, a segment in which I confuse the Belgian and Dutch systems of distributing social security numbers; you’ll survive, I’m sure. There was also some confusion about whether or not Patrick Stewart was actually Ben Kingsley.
As Mom tries to remember the name of Lara Croft, I show her a trailer for something she actually wants to watch, David Yates’ Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald.

We’re back with a movie that’s my own age! We explain where we’ve been for a month – the answers are disappointing, I assure you – and dive into Danny Boyle’s Trainspotting. We earned the Explicit rating on this one. Mom brags about her memory and recalls her high school students watching this wholly appropriate film about heroin, while I mistake the amount of boys in my elementary school for the amount of girls (trust me, it was relevant in the context of the episode) and forget everything she said to me while we were watching. I ask about the nineties and what the world was like when I was born, to which Mom responds by making self-deprecating jokes about achieving nothing with her life. Thankfully, she did make me and I made this podcast, so it was all worth it. We discuss music and Gulf Wars for a bit, because we never go quite off-track enough apparently. When we do get back to the film itself, I share some of the knowledge which paying college tuition for a course featuring this flick has granted me. That knowledge did not include the word “suppository”, however, or else I forgot all about it. There is also the obligatory scene-that-Mom-saw-differently, and oh boy, is it a good one this time.
The trailer we watched was of course for Danny Boyle’s T2: Trainspotting and the outtakes include part of the first take on our opening for this episode with Mom talking into a microphone that wasn’t recognized by my computer (but she was loud enough to get picked up on mine).

Welcome back to your regularly scheduled episode where Effie is in charge! (Well, almost regularly scheduled.) Mom talks about our recording time for a bit, as well as those other Avengers you may have heard about, and her childhood Halloween dreams from before Halloween was a thing here. The word coiffure gets thrown around, so on behalf of Mom: please excuse her French. More apologies are also issued about her English – feel free to let her know she’s doing fine, by the way – as well as a “you’re welcome” for editing out whichever ones I can. The conversation also turns to the materials of Scarlet Johansson’s wardrobe in the movie, and not even the outfits you’re thinking of, before we tackle Chris Hemsworth’s abs and I make some Easter-related jokes. Representation of German people also somehow becomes a topic and I make some more good points, Mom admits. I also understood most of the references, so go me.
In this episode’s Trailer Time we, of course, watch the second trailer for Avengers: Infinity War!

Disclaimer: There might be a slight echo in our voices since I’m still getting used to a two mic setup, but let me know if you noticed.

It’s Mom’s turn again in this episode! We know she promised a funnier film, but what you got is David Lean’s Doctor Zhivago. After joking around about Mom’s new boyfriend wrecking our recording schedule, we get into the credits, the music, and the general handsomeness of Omar Sharif. We discuss some Russian history, Boris Pasternak, and whatever a Stadtpalais is in German. Also included is a short reminder on what a stepsister actually is and whether or not you should fuck, marry or kill yours – just to be safe, the answer is D) none of the above. To really get you in the mood, this episode truly needed a musical break between acts, which isn’t quite as orchestral as the score for the entr’acte in the film, but thankfully also nowhere near as long. Afterwards we get back into the life choice we all encounter: whether or not to cheat when you’re already in a happy semi-incestuous marriage. We also discuss the essential art of film kissing and how this one’s main smooch ranks. From the balalaika we somehow end up talking about the zither, not to be confused with the sitar. For anyone looking to read the poems for Lara, you can do so here: http://sites.utoronto.ca/tsq/10/barnes10.shtml. You can look up the history of turtlenecks yourself.
The trailer for this time was the International Trailer #2 for Tomb Raider! Mom even remembers the Angelina Jolie version despite having never seen those films.

This time we discuss Alfonso Cuarón's Children of Men, yet another dystopian vision of the future, because the ultimate goal of this podcast, as it turns out, is to depress Mom. She shares some childhood memories and we conclude I am a likeable person. Mom drags in Son of Man, Soylent Green, and Sophie's Choice and I try to understand how films I've never heard of are related to the subject matter at hand. She gushes over some of the actors she loves that are in this film, albeit for a short while. Mostly we go through the story and highlight our favorite scenes and continue to find that none of it is really all that fictional, let alone sci-fi. We look up a couple of actresses without mentioning their names to you, because we mostly wanted to know their characters' names. The government handing out suicide pills leads to a tangent full of miscommunication, but no one commits suicide at the end of it. Someone does get pumped full of bullets and Mom is quite interested in how the body convulses before hitting the ground. In the interest of never going into politics - as is totally the mission statement on our podcast, in case none of you had ever noticed - Mom jokes about Trump's response to the Parkland shooting.
The trailer for today was the Official Trailer of Francis Lawrence's Red Sparrow, which stars some actors Mom absolutely loves!

This week we get around to Denis Villeneuve’s Blade Runner 2049, the most expensive arthouse sequel ever! I was suffering from a sore throat and had no voice after a night out; don’t worry, I edited out most of the painful coughing I had to deal with. We try to remember what the Ridley Scott’s original Blade Runner was about (something something what is humanity), talk about whether or not Harrison Ford is a replicant (it’s probably just his character), and trail off to a Dutch play about sex robots that none of you will know (it was good though). Before I could get to the issues of ableism surrounding Jared Leto’s role and behavior, mom brought up the pronunciation of 2049, another hugely important matter of social relevance. Spike Jonze’s Her begs to be brought up as well in conversations about artificial intelligence in films, so we graciously comply. We also briefly discuss the other three movies we went to see that day: Ruben Östlund’s The Square (set in Stockholm, we almost guessed right), Andrea Arnold’s American Honey, and Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk.
This episode’s trailer time showcases Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, prompting us to share our memories of the franchise.

Welcome back for our episode about Martin McDonagh’s Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri! If in your culture it’s still acceptable to wish you a happy New Year in February, happy New Year; if not, have a nice Tuesday, I guess. After putting our New Year’s resolution out there to upload more consistently from now on, we venture into remembering what our target audience even was. Don’t worry, we still spoil basically everything, so figured we’re not suddenly aiming at people who haven’t seen the film yet. Prepared as ever, we fail to correctly spoil what the billboards say (“Raped while dying / and still no arrests? / How come, chief Willoughby?”) but we were close-ish, I’d say. Police ranks prove to be confusing for us throughout, as do different firearms (but really, who cares about the difference between a rifle and a revolver, we’re European). I also did try to keep my mom from saying overly intellectually ableist things on air, but couldn’t stop myself from saying revenge-y instead of vengeful at some point. We also talk about the Oscar nominations and make some uneducated guesses about which films will get Academy Awards in 2018! Mom spirals into a rant about Call Me by Your Name and as a result, I probably won’t watch it myself (something with gay representation having been shitty since forever). Me showing her a trailer at the end of the episode will be a regular segment from now on though, and we start off with the Red Band Trailer for I, Tonya!

Today mom and I discuss Kenneth Branagh’s Thor and Joe Johnston’s Captain America: The First Avenger! After the shortest coming out I’ve ever done, given how there’s no room for asking questions immediately in this one-way street of a medium, we dive into the local weather. In our end segment What Did We See Without Being Forced?, we talk about A Ghost Story, Suburbicon, Bordertown, The Punisher, and Murder on the Orient Express. Mom confuses a friend’s cat named Floki for Loki and I assume she was referring to Vikings the historical people and not Vikings the TV show. She compares Thor to another fish-out-of-water comedy I’d never heard of, appreciates Anthony Hopkins as any sane person would, before we end up confusing the entirety of Scandinavia because we couldn’t tell a Swedish name from a Danish one if our lives depended on it. Natalie Portman is a negligible topic, as is the CGI Destroyer, which we compared to Lego’s Bionicle line of toys. She really liked Lady Sif, I forgot one of the Warriors Three is played by an Asian actor, and mom has more opinions on Scandinavia to share – all of which are based on Scandinavian cinema and nothing else – before we devolve into a discussion about autism – which I’m sure neither of us is qualified for either. When we get into Captain America, I first have to explain that, yes, that blue cube in Thor is the same blue cube as in The First Avenger. Mom mourns the loss of our good cop-bad cop dynamic now that she likes these movies and we discuss which of Cap’s bodies was his real one. I tell her about the Agent Carter One Shot and TV show and she promises to try not to die before I’ve shown her that. We’ll finally get to The Avengers soon, which mom expects to have a combination of Russia, the Asgardian Gods and Germany for its villain. Before then, she will continue trying to pick a subject for my theses at university, apparently. I show her the trailer for Infinity War, just so she understands it helps to watch previous movies before going to sequels, and she scolds me for dropping just as many F-bombs as she had done earlier in the same episode. Casey Affleck and A Ghost Story in general gets our language more vulgar anyway, while mom’s language also continues to become more German, which means I’m translating across three languages for her half the time. Leftovers are shade being thrown at our internet provider and my mom singing for a bit, so enjoy that.

Right on time for our latest episode, Zack Snyder’s (or let’s be real, Joss Whedon’s) Justice League is finally here! I took my mom along for my third viewing and we’re here to give our opinions: mom was glad that she liked one of my comic book movies again, but didn’t know what she signed up for, as I have a lot of issues to work through with this film. In a truly legendary role reversal of our usual good cop-bad cop, I ask mom about her overall thoughts before explaining the troubled production this movie went through; she didn’t notice them, but I sure as hell did and needed to vent. I earned that explicit tag on this episode, as even my notes included some F-bombs. I tackle the Amazon costume controversy, the Superman porn mustache, and the leaked VFX scenes, while mom brings up Harry Potter and It for comparisons and is amazed at how difficult I’m making it for myself to just have fun. I also confuse Ben Affleck’s Best Picture Oscar with a Best Directing Oscar he never got, so whoops. Included in this podcasting package are: reviews of different actors’ eyes, as well as Thor: Ragnarok, and The Fall.

In this episode we finally get to Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins! That is to say, after we talk about protecting your children from scary movies, my little brother’s school trip, and our own future traveling. We also confuse Mr. Beanand Johnny English, try to make sense of Batman’s “no killing” rule, mom insults Cillian Murphy’s face for a bit, we review Morgan Freeman’s beer commercial, and look forward to the guy from Brokeback Mountain in the next installment. I try to explain the horrors of Batman & Robin to someone who has thankfully never been exposed to the movie, we trail off into 007 territory, I confuse a Bond girl for Bond, struggle to remember Olga Kurylenko’s name, mom gives the perfect description of Adam West, and insults Amy Adams when I show her the latest Justice League trailer. She warms up to Ben Affleck, but then proceeds to call a DC show I love “stupid”, so it’s a small win. Talking about the detective show she spent this week on, she confuses actors that look nothing alike; talking about Taylor Sheridan’s Wind River, I forget to mention Elizabeth Olsen is also in a Marvel movie – even together with Jeremy Renner. Mom compares it to two LGBTQ+ related films in a row for some reason and we somehow end up discussing Tarantino as well.

We continue the MCU with Louis Leterrier’s The Incredible Hulk and Jon Favreau’s Iron Man 2, and as if mom didn’t have a hard enough time trying to remember two films she slept through parts of, she’s also getting sick. To cheer her up, I try to explain comic connections and tell her trivia about the productions of the just-okay part of Marvel’s Phase One, before we delve into Andrés Muschietti’s It, Darren Aronofsky’s Mother!, Stephen Frears’ Victoria and Abdul, and Matthew Vaughn’s Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Yeah, it’s pretty clear we’re able go to the cinema as often as we’d like. There’s also a Freudian slip in there, so enjoy that one. We end off with a discussion of recent political events in Germany that will severely date this episode!

We get started on The Lord of the Rings epic with Peter Jackson’s The Fellowship of the Ring! First I had to say sorry for misrepresenting the movie I showed Mom, then we recap all our experiences with The Hobbit trilogy and the Harry Potter octology for some reason. A friend of mine is with us in spirit, even if she didn’t want to actually be on the show to profess her love for the books in English. Mom recommends Edgar Allan Poe to me, mentions Predator out of nowhere, we argue about statues and whether or not Michelangelo’s David has arms, I turn out to be right, she confuses some American landmarks, and we bring it full circle with an Asterix reference – trust me. Mom also makes some interesting predictions for the next couple of films and we scroll through Ian McKellen’s filmography LIVE on air! I also spoil Atomic Blonde, so, you know, watch out for that.

We finally tackle a Marvel movie, starting off with the MCU and therefore Jon Favreau’s Iron Man! As we discuss the film that kicked off the cinematic universe craze, I struggle to keep mom from switching to other films she happens to have seen before the end of the episode and ultimately fail, we discuss ancient technology from the eighties and of course the whining of Pepper Potts. Part of the recording started to skip part of every sentence, so you’re missing out on our opinions on the quality of Arabic in Iron Man (no clue) compared to German and Russian in Atomic Blonde (cringe-worthy) and Dutch/Flemish in Wonder Woman (horrific). You do, however, get to listen to me having to explain that the Department of Homeland Security isn’t fictional, but S.H.I.E.L.D. definitely is. I wish you could also see my face when mom says she didn’t recognize Samuel L. Jackson, but such are the limits of the medium. Mom saying “shit” never gets old, we guess wrong on whether or not The Omen is older than The Shining or not, and mom still sort of spoils Wakefield for me. Also, enjoy a bunch of barking in the background, courtesy of Amy and Lizzy!

As mom gets to host her first episode, she steals the remote to make me watch Rob Reiner’s Stand By Me! She also assumes “an Android” is just as clear of a description as “an iPhone” for listeners who want to know what kind of phone she has, doesn’t appreciate my synopsis of the film, calls me negative for calling something the film doesn’t even do “bad writing”, and together we confuse some scenes. I plead guilty on charges of misandry, mom still isn’t sure if issues of representation just drive listeners away, I give a shoutout to all my emetophobes out there, mom cuts me off for a bit, and we decide the theme of the episode is great child actors as we move into Sofia Coppola’s The Beguiled.

In our episode on George Lucas’ Star Wars, mom explains how much it made her laugh, she confuses Peter Cushing with Christopher Lee without even knowing the latter ended up in the franchise as well, we speculate on the history of hologram invention without any knowledge on the topic, mom relates the production design to the Cold War, I try to avoid spoilers everyone on the planet knows already but she might not, we extensively discuss Princess Leia’s breasts, recap her introduction to MCU properties, and I make her watch the trailer for It, before giving some terrible advice to any alcoholics out there!

In our first double feature, we delve into Leslie H. Martinson's Batman: the Movie and Tim Burton's Batman! Mom doesn't hold back in her varying descriptions of being unable to fathom anyone could take either movie seriously - yes, either - while I try to explain the remaining history of Batman movies. We get sidetracked by various celebrities I've never heard of and Mom wonders if she should show me a film from 1927. There are some more prejudices against Americans, but we also cover Italian, British, and Dutch obnoxiousness this time around!

As we inevitably return to the DCEU, we discuss Patty Jenkins' Wonder Woman! This is therefore the first episode that requires a SPOILER WARNING as it's about a movie that's still in theaters. In it, Mom complains about being dragged into a 3D screening, tries not to swear despite being the cause of this podcast being explicit in the first place, wins an impromptu spelling bee, proceeds to swear, school me on history, and reprimand me for both getting too political and swearing.

Returning from our unplanned sabbatical, we have our long overdue talk about Luc Besson’s Léon: The Professional! We survive a troubled production that would’ve suited the Suicide Squad episode better, remember a surprising amount of names and years we totally didn’t look up, discover how French people are a lot weirder than, yes, even Americans, and Mom confesses she thinks things used to be better back in her day.

Returning to the world of Batfleck, I introduce my mom to a bunch of new characters in hopes of a better reception than BvS got. We discuss David Ayer's Suicide Squad, I forget the name of Debbie Harry, my mom talks at length about my thigh, we ramble about other movies that are vaguely related, somehow get into analyzing the decline of the Roman empire, and I have one last surprise up my sleeve before we end things: a shiny new trailer for her to watch.

After general laziness helped us procrastinate, we return to discuss Luc Besson’s Lucy. We ignore Scarlett Johansson’s relations to Marvel for some reason, forget the title of Under the Skin, insult the French for a change, and generally stray from the topic at hand since we didn’t record all that soon after watching the movie. Hopefully you’ll enjoy our other tangents all the same.

Leaving the genre of comic book movies, we turn to a director most famous for his comic book movies and discuss Christopher Nolan's Memento. We also remember a bunch of dead people you've never heard of and recommend a film you've never heard of by a director you've never heard of. In between desperately trying to stay on topic, we exchange theories on what happened in the story, before laughing about a story about laughing.

In this episode we continue to insult America, get sidetracked by politics, discuss different waves of feminism, I get confused while spelling words, and we talk with a lisp for a while. Also, in less conversational and more long winded fashion I walk my mom through Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ultimate Edition) to fill in the gaps she either slept through or simply won't get as a non-fan. Spoilers: she still isn't a fan and I have to improvise a speech explaining why I am in fact a fan of intertextuality and challenging, ambitious movies. My mom also promised a prize on my behalf to anyone who got a relatively obscure reference without specifying what that would be, so if you want to win literally anything within reason...

Hi and welcome! This is the first episode of Stealing the Remote, a podcast where I make my mom watch whatever I want to! Please enjoy as I assess her complete lack of comics knowledge and introduce her to the world of DC Films through Zack Snyder's Man of Steel. She in turn teaches me things I never knew about pop culture during the decades I didn't live through, as well as kitchen appliances I hadn't heard of. Together we struggle to find the word "spandex."

I hope you'll like this fresh perspective of a first-timer entering the world of comic book movies, albeit at gunpoint.