StepMonster

This episode is all about the hottest topic now in the stepmom community: DOUBLE STANDARDS. Why is it that we rally around a parent who says "I need a break" but criticize a stepmom for saying the same thing? Whether it's being able to say "mom things", attending doctor's appointments or sporting events, or simply being welcomed into a "mom" community - it's something we always deal with. 

In this episode, we read a submission from a stepmom struggling with the relationship her husband has with his ex. We unpack her story and ask ourselves where the lines are: how close is TOO close? When do you have the right to feel uncomfortable (spoiler: you have the right to feel uncomfortable whenever you please)? 

This episode digs into all things disrespect-related. Maybe your stepkid makes your home a living hell. Maybe they talk down to you. Maybe they don't respect your boundaries. Hear from Bailey and Alyse how to handle this, how to prevent it, and how another stepmom has handled this herself. 

This episode is a mini from a stepmom submission who is dealing with an extreme scenario. In this case, the biomom is actually a therapist (won't be referring anyone to her after hearing this), but is severely manipulating her kids to actively dislike the stepmom. Between inappropriate messages to her ex, saying things that aren't true, and actively trying to keep the stepmom away from the kids, this episode is packed with all the things.

Bailey and Alyse spend 6 minutes catching up on life, so if you want to skip directly to this part, head to 7:00, and find the rest of the episode based on this specific scenario. 

In this episode, we welcome guest Cheryl (who also happens to be Bailey's momma). Cheryl has been what we'll call sandwiched right in the middle of a blended family - having been through a divorce herself, having full custody of her daughter, and dealing with what it's like to have a kid switch between two DRAMATICALLY different households. She also has an "ours" baby of her own and is re-married. Her perspective is one we found to be incredibly relatable to stepmoms dealing with different situations, specifically:

• Having kids go between houses with different parenting styles
• Long-distance custody and communication
• Being the stricter household all around
• & more.

Join us for a listen and let us know what you think on social media. 

Kelly and Angelina are unlike any stepmom and biomom duo we've met to date. Their relationship didn't start out with hugs and mutual respect. It took a lot of self-awareness, work, and reflection from each of them to get to the point where they could successfully co-parent the same kids together. Sure, it could be awkward that Kelly is married to Angelina's ex-husband... but these two brilliant ladies have figured out a way to put the kids first, and build a bond together that is so incredible and unique. Hear from each of them in this episode what it was like to meet. what they would have done differently if they could rewind, and how they manage to lean on each other to ensure their kids have the best lives. 

Our mini-episodes are entirely dedicated to sharing YOUR story. Each episode features one submission from our followers where we read the situation and give our take. Here is this week's submission:

So my main complaint for years now has been the fact that his family was so happy that I came into their son's life. They saw a light they had never seen in him. They were always unhappy with how hubby and bio mom treated each other and left early on several occasions. I felt like I was a breath of fresh air for them. Hubby’s sister moved here and is living with his parents. She came down and all of sudden she and bio mom are best friends. It drives me insane and it’s felt like a total lack of disrespect for my feelings. His family comments on all her Facebook posts, goes to her birthday parties and then comes to ours too, and the list goes on and on. I’m slowly learning there’s nothing I can do to control this issue but nevertheless hurts my feelings. 

Then this week bio mom and me got into it. 15 year started high school. We are 50/50. We pay her child support. She is remarried. She has twin boys. She doesn’t work. We agreed she wanted 15 yo to go to a specific high school so we changed paperwork for us to be primary household. This means only 1 parent gets the bus. She knew it would be us and that there was no way he could go to the other high school across town because me and hubby work full time and it would be impossible. She texted me the other day complaining about how much she is in the car with her twins and how it’s not fair and how her husband said she should have never agreed for 15-year-old to go to the high school we agreed to and I lost it. I told her she doesn’t work and gets child support and to basically get over it. I help with the driving to sleepovers, doctor appts, orthodontics appts and I work full time an hour away. I have no sympathy. She told me she couldn’t believe I had the audacity to bring up HER child support and that things between us will never be the same. She reached out and things have seemed semi-normal. Very minimal about the kids.. which I am ok with. Just wondering any tips and tricks to navigate through these teenage years, split schedules living across town, driving kids to school or not? Should I apologize? What to do?

This episode is all about financial considerations in a stepmom role. We discuss everything from a stepmom's obligation to contribute financially (or not), sharing expenses such as clothing and extra-curricular activities, and even wills and estate planning with stepkids involved. Here's a full breakdown:

0:00 - 4:55 - Catch up, wine adventures, odd noises @ our airbnb
4:55 - 6:00 - Intro to Stepmom financial planning complexities
6:00 - 11:15 - Finance convos to have early in your relationship & accepting child and spousal support amounts
11:15 - 16:30 - general financial obligations of a stepmom
16:50 - 23:00 - School clothes & supplies financials
23:00 - 26:00 - Items disappearing at the other households
26:00 - 28:00 - Expenses for kids over 18
28:00 - 30:30 - Beneficiaries & Stepmom obligations if losing a spouse
30:30 - 35:45 - Powers of Attorney & Next of Kin, Medical Events
35:45 - The end - Instagram Q&A on Financials for Stepmoms (Earning more than your partner, Changes in Custody & Financial Obligations, Large Expenses, Room Decorations)

In this episode, we have a special guest! Bailey's 25-year-old brother Austin joins us. Austin was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7, and Asperger's Syndrome (now formally called Autism Spectrum Disorder) at age 14. He gives us all a glimpse into his childhood journey and discusses the challenges he had in school, making friends, and even now as an adult. We also talk about Bailey's stepson, who was diagnosed with ADHD and the role stepmoms could or should play in some of these larger medical decisions and management. 

We also discuss:

• IEPs
• 504
• Different types of behavioral challenges

For more information on Autism Spectrum Disorder: https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/aspergers-syndrome

For more information on ADHD/ADD: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/index.html

For more information on getting an IEP for your child, we like: https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/955753/how-to-get-an-iep-for-your-child-special-ed/, and https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-get-an-iep-for-your-child-3106880. 

We're discussing all things school-related for stepmoms in this episode. Here's a full list of topics covered:

• Back to School
• Stepmom Involvement
• Stepmom School Rights
• Registration
• Parent-Teacher Conferences
• Homework Management
• School Events
• Graduations
• Disengaging

In this episode, we talk a lot about being the strict house or the uncool house, and the major differences between parallel parenting, co-parenting, and counter-parenting. Here are some time-stamped topics:

• 0:00-6:00: Alyse & Bailey catch up, discuss this weekend's AZ stepmom happy hour, and discuss cocktails. 
• 6:00-9:35:The differences between parallel, co-parenting, and counter-parenting
• 9:35-10:50: Bailey breaks down what type of parenting (ish) they have & being the strict household.
• 10:50-12:50: Intermission (LOL) Alyse shares a random sweet stepdad encounter that successfully co-parents. 
• 12:50-15:38: Discussing tense parenting 
• 15:38-19:15: Different houses, different rules, handling major household disagreements, crazy transition schedules, lack of consistency between households.
• 19:15-22:00: Rule communication with your spouse & unexpected rule changes
• 22:00-24:00: Article discussion: Counter vs. Coparents.
• 24:00-27:00: Is there such thing as avoidance parenting? And what about the chores? And different parenting styles?
• 27:00-End: Answering Instagram questions & expectations around how we should be treated. Get your boundaries right with your man

Episode topic guide:

• Custody & Evaluations [3:00]
• Stepmom Involvement & Rights [5:34]
• How Koryn's perspective as a family law attorney has changed since becoming a stepmom [9:30]
• Schedule Changes, Schedule Rule Breakers [13:50]
• Changing Custody Agreements [18:00]
• Household & Value Differences vs. Legal Problems [23:50]
• When Kids Can Give Input on Whom they Live With [26:50]
• Manipulation & Alienation with the Kids [30:20]
• Child Support - Determination & Changes [37:00]
• Stepmoms & Social Media, Text Messages [41:00]

*DISCLAIMER* This episode is NOT legal advice and is not to take the place of any conversations with an attorney. This information is simply a perspective from a fellow stepmom. For advice on how to handle your specific situation, please contact a licensed attorney in your state.

*DISCLAIMER* This episode is NOT legal advice and is not to take the place of any conversations with an attorney. This information is simply a perspective from a fellow stepmom. For advice on how to handle your specific situation, please contact a licensed attorney in your state. 

Now for the fun stuff: In this episode, we talk with Alex, a newly married, childless stepmom with THREE bonus kiddos. Alex has recognized a gap in the stepmom community around a particular topic: Parenting Coordinators. A parenting coordinator is appointed when two parties (parents) can't agree on how to manage the kids' lives. Their bedtimes, their haircuts, transition itineraries - you name it. Most of the time, a parenting coordinator is involved in the ultimate HIGH CONFLICT situation, so of course, you'll hear more about that, how to keep your composure, and Alex's take on how to be the best stepmom but putting the kids and their needs first without sacrificing your own sanity. Spoiler alert: your mindset is your most powerful tool.

In this episode, we unpack the idea of disengaging (together in person for the first time!). The how, the why, the when. With the kids, with the bio mom, or even with parenting in your own house. We also touch on how to handle disagreements in parenting with your SO, and share how we have handled those conversations in the past (with care... and some bribes?). 

We've all dealt with some kind of insecurities in our lives, especially in a stepmom role. In this episode, we touch on feedback directly from followers on how they've felt uncertain and insecure. We give you our best advice on how to handle feeling compared, how to be more confident in your role, and how to earn the respect of your stepkids. 

Mother's Day gives us mixed feelings. For some of us, it's a day of celebration and time with our family. For others, it's a day filled with sadness and disappointment. With two diverse dynamics, Alyse and Bailey explore Mother's Day both as a stepmom with an "ours" baby and as a childless stepmom. Most importantly, we give YOUR feedback and feelings from Instagram their own light, by reading direct comments from our followers when asked "What does Mother's Day mean to you?"

Lastly, there were two products discussed in this episode, and you can find them here:

Bailey's Favorite Box of Assorted Cards: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08V1415XJ?pd_rd_i=B08V1415XJ&pd_rd_w=DAfz8&pf_rd_p=ee186ce0-6bf7-4893-85b9-f3368b019e0f&pd_rd_wg=kvjG7&pf_rd_r=M1QX6FP58J0SXZZVY3WN&pd_rd_r=e38a857a-4414-4969-a0dd-e1126e70cc31 

Kendra Scott Necklace (Bailey's go-to gift for literally any woman who loves jewelry): https://www.kendrascott.com/products/tess-rsg.html?dwvar_tess-rsg_stoneColor=970#start=96  

In this episode, a good friend and fellow stepmom Kali joins us to discuss how she dealt with becoming an InstaMOMMY to her 4 stepkids when she and her husband met, followed by having a child of her own.  She also shares with us (and luckily all of you) how she has managed to have a great relationship with the bio mom in her life. Having a great relationship with a bio mom is what we all want, but are there challenges with that too? You betchya. Kali shares with us how she holds boundaries with her husband, stepkids, and biomom to feel peace and harmony in a very complex situation. 

Woven throughout this episode are also answers to many of your questions submitted on Instagram. Including (but def not limited to):

• Balancing your needs with your stepkids
• How to handle disengaging and avoiding feelings of resent towards your stepkids, partner, or bio-parent
• Dealing with high-conflict situations & staying sane
• How our families embraced our stepkids & what that looks like 
• Outsider feelings from other "moms" 
• Avoiding becoming a full mediator between your partner and their ex
• Saying "no" more often
• The people who say "you knew what you were getting into" 

Being a parent to any kid is rewarding and hard all at the same time. But the teenage years? Buckle up, babes. In this episode, we share some of the best stories from our stepkids' teenage years, talk about the challenges with step-parenting and cell phones, social media, ETC. Join us for a few laughs, a few "oh my gosh she did not" moments, and our best tips on how to maintain sane during these years. 

We had the pleasure of having Joslynn Flowers, host of the Daily Stepmom Podcast on this episode, and it was wonderful! Joslynn is a full-time stepmom and brings a different perspective to our listeners. We let all our guards down and talked about disciplining your stepkids, feeling resent as a stepmom, homeschooling during COVID, feeling like an outsider, and just overall had a great chat. 

Listen - haters are inevitable as a stepmom. It might be the bio mom who hates you simply for marrying her ex, it might be the kids who resent you for trying to be their new mom, it may even be your husband's family, or anyone in the world. They feel justified in their feelings and we are here to tell you how we handle it all. You can't please everyone, but we need to stay sane and support each other. 

There are two sides to every story, and this week, we invited our husbands to tell their side. We dig in with them on what it was like to bring another "mom" into the picture, what some of the challenges they had were, and what advice they might give to others. 

In this episode we deep-dive into the different communication styles Alyse and Bailey have (or don't have) with the bio-mom. We talk through co-parenting challenges, how we handle birthdays, sporting events, and holidays... and most importantly: how we stay sane through it all. 

Moving into a blended home and building an environment for all to thrive can be... HARD. There's no getting around that. On this episode we discuss all the challenges that come along with blending a home, moving into the marital home, and eventually having a home you call "ours". 

Bailey and Alyse are stepmoms to two kids each, and each with their own stories, challenges, laughs, and advice to give. Listen in as we discuss some of the most discussed topics between stepmoms and dads alike.