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Still Not Asking For It

Still Not Asking For It

By Hope Harbor
Welcome to Still Not Asking For It. A Podcast brought to you by Hope Harbor, a sexual trauma recovery center in south central Kentucky hosted by Alayna Milby and produced by Melissa Gerard. Still Not Asking For It will have regularly released episodes where Hope Harbor staff, volunteers, and community partners will discuss significant issues survivors of sexual assault face and the complexities of rape culture through an intersectional lens.
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Purity Myth: Shame & the Social Construct of Virginity
Content warning: shame after sexual assault, rape culture In this episode, Mel and Alayna are sharing their personal experiences growing up Christian and the values pushed onto young people about sex. We are coming from the place of people who were assigned female at birth, raised Christian in the Bible belt, and advocates within the anti-violence movement. We share our personal experiences and opinions in this episode, but we want to hear from YOU! Please follow the link below to send us your voice memos about sex and shame to be included in a future episode. You can also email us.  *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
55:53
September 17, 2021
Pt. 2 Consent and the Bachelor
This is part two of a two part episode. In this episode, Kellie McClure from Ampersand Sexual Violence Resource Center in Lexington, KY joins Mel G. and Alayna to discuss consent in reality TV, specifically the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. From contracts, to producers, to sex: what are they really able to consent to? Our conversation covers these themes and mentions of sexual assault and harassment on the shows. Mel G. and Kellie are well-versed in Bachelor Nation, but our conversation explains details for those who may not have ever watched an episode (like Alayna). Consent, or lack there of, is everywhere in our culture.  *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
37:30
August 27, 2021
Pt. 1 Consent and the Bachelor
In this episode, Kellie McClure from Ampersand Sexual Violence Resource Center in Lexington, KY joins Mel G. and Alayna to discuss consent in reality TV, specifically the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. From contracts, to producers, to sex: what are they really able to consent to? Our conversation covers these themes and mentions of sexual assault and harassment on the shows. Mel G. and Kellie are well-versed in Bachelor Nation, but our conversation explains details for those who may not have ever watched an episode (like Alayna). Consent, or lack there of, is everywhere in our culture. Check back for part two!  *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
49:13
August 16, 2021
Cancel Culture
Content warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment, transphobia, child abuse, physical violence In this episode, Mel and Alayna are joined by Hope Harbor volunteers, Ebony and Colin, to discuss cancel culture. We discuss Bill Cosby, Kobe Bryant, R. Kelly, J.K. Rowling, Shia LaBeouf, Antonio Brown, Justin Timberlake, Jason Moma, James Franco, and a few others. We discuss cancel culture in relation to sexual assault and harassment accusations and convictions as well as other forms of violence and exploitation. This episode was recorded before Bill Cosby’s conviction was overturned and he was released from prison. We loved having these two on the show and we hope you enjoy it and get some laughs and knowledge out of it.  Article from WBUR Boston referenced by Colin *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
01:26:07
July 09, 2021
What is Birth Trauma? with Mary Duke LCCE
Content warning: sexual assault, birth trauma, obstetric violence, episiotomies, birth rape Mary Duke is a doula, Lamaze certified birth educator, and advocate for making the best choice for you and your family before, during, and after birth. Mel and Alayna have been longtime followers of Mary Duke and were so excited when she reached out to come on an episode. We are all comfortable talking about what is uncomfortable and in this episode we discuss the culture around birth and parenting, the medicalization of birth, and the choices we have in the process. We also acknowledge and celebrate that all genders can be pregnant, give birth, and parent. You can and should follow Mary Duke at My Sunshine Birth Services- Mary Duke LCCE on Facebook, @mysunshinebirth on Instagram and TikTok. Her website is mysunshinebirth.com Like SNAFI, Mary Duke has a following in Australia!  Some resources mentioned by Mary Duke: Birth Monopoly (birthmonopoly.com) and Mandy Birth Nurse (mandyirby.com) *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
56:51
April 13, 2021
Pt. 2 How Will We Heal Ourselves? with Dr. Cre Dye
"When we do work within, we heal around." -Cre Dye This episode is part two of a conversation Alayna and Mel had with Dr. Cre Dye. We were able to discuss shame, especially shame surrounding sex. This episode picks up where Alayna left off after using the term "non-men" to refer to experiences of women, nonbinary and trans people. Content warning: there is discussion of signs of child abuse in reference to child masturbation. We highly recommend finding Cre and all the amazing things she has going on on Facebook at Cre Dye Yoga & Healing and Instagram at @credyeyoga  *We are asking for voice message submissions through Anchor for a future episode about virginity, purity myth, and the pressures/shame we feel around sex, specifically sex for the first time. Your submission will be kept anonymous and you will be notified if your submission is used in the episode.  This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
41:12
March 08, 2021
Pt. 1 How Will We Heal Ourselves? With Dr. Cre Dye
In this episode, Dr. Cre Dye joins Alayna and Mel to discuss how we can heal our communities and effectively heal ourselves. A bunch of us at Hope Harbor are big fans of Cre's yoga, holistic approach to counseling, and her involvement in the community. We couldn't fit all of her accomplishments and involvements in this bio. We highly recommend finding her on Facebook at Cre Dye Yoga & Healing and Instagram at @credyeyoga This episode is part one of two. Marked "explicit" for a couple curse words.  This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
48:19
February 22, 2021
Polyamory and Sexual Empowerment
Content warning: sexual assault, childhood sexual assault, abuse In this episode, Alayna and Mel talk with friend and Hope Harbor volunteer advocate about her healing journey after abuse, bisexuality, and poly relationships. We discuss the privilege of sex positivity and how identifying as a survivor has helped others. We also discussed how "sexual subcultures" can be empowering and are rooted in (like BDSM) consent and communication.  This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. Thank you for hanging out with us!
01:04:00
February 03, 2021
Pt. 2 What You Don't Know About BDSM: Consent, Trust, and Healing
Content Warning: Discussion of trauma, child abuse, BDSM and kink culture, pornography, and domestic violence Part 2 of a two part episode. We noticed the sound quality of this episode isn't our best, so this is the disclaimer!  In this episode, Alayna and Mel are joined by a friend of the podcast who is an active member of the BDSM lifestyle. She discusses her personal journey learning and joining the BDSM community as a survivor of trauma. The discussion covers why/how BDSM can be heeling, why communication and consent is important, and how pop culture's portrayal is not an accurate depiction. This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. In September 2020 we commemorated Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for due to COVID19 and instead we are hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link. Thank you for hanging out with us!
42:25
January 05, 2021
Pt. 1 What You Don't Know About BDSM: Consent, Trust, and Healing
Content Warning: Discussion of trauma, child abuse, BDSM and kink culture, pornography, and domestic violence In this episode, Alayna and Mel are joined by a friend of the podcast who is an active member of the BDSM lifestyle. She discusses her personal journey learning and joining the BDSM community as a survivor of trauma. The discussion covers why BDSM can be healthy, why communication and consent is important, and how pop culture's portrayal is not an accurate depiction.  This episode is Part One of a two part discussion with our special guest. So please join us for our next episode where we finish this conversation.  This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. In September 2020 we commemorated Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for due to COVID19 and instead we are hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link. Thank you for hanging out with us!
52:00
December 19, 2020
Mental Health & Holistic Healing
Content Warning: Discussion of trauma, eating disorders, and substance use In this episode, Alayna and Mel are joined by coworker and Hope Harbor counselor Megan Kyle, LPCA. Megan shares her journey into becoming a counselor and her interest in holistic healing options for survivors of trauma. We discuss Equine Assisted Counseling/Therapy, sound baths using singing bowls, trauma informed yoga, and meditation. Our goal for this episode was to encourage our listeners to normalize mental health support and expand knowledge on alternative healing opportunities.  Still Not Asking For It is produced by Mel Gerard and hosted by Alayna Milby This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Megan Kyle's blog post about sound therapy can be found here.  Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. In September 2020 we commemorated Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for due to COVID19 and instead we are hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link. Thank you for hanging out with us!
01:11:25
December 04, 2020
She Who Shall Not Be Named
Content Warning: violence against trans and gender diverse community, sexual assault We recognize the immense responsibility our agency and those who provide support to survivors of sexual assault and work to prevent sexual violence from occurring have in being inclusive to trans and gender diverse folks as well as standing up for this community’s fair and equitable treatment. The harmful attitudes, treatment, and policies made against the trans and gender diverse community is nothing new and while we have worked to improve services and outreach to this community, the comments made by a famous author has compelled us to dedicate this episode to discuss the issues and opportunities surrounding support for this community. You may notice Alayna and Mel struggle at parts during this discussion. As both of us are cisgender women, we know this discussion doesn't come from a place of experience. We kept the awkward struggles to acknowledge we are not experts and your education doesn't end here.  The Facebook group Alayna references is sounds like you need to be educated on transgender individuals but okay Here are some trans/queer/gender diverse podcasts we suggest which are lead by trans/gender diverse folx: NB, My Non-Binary Life. Produced by BBC, Join Caitlin Benedict (non-binary journalist) andAmrou Al-Kadhi (drag performer and filmmaker) as they ask the big questions about gender & identity. Queersplaining. A LGBTQ/Social Justice focused podcast hosted by Callie Wright sharing true stories of the lives of queer and trans folx. One From the Vaults a trans history podcast by Morgan M. Page. Bringing all the dirt, gossip, and glamour from trans history! Fantasy series with Trans on Non Binary Characters The Mirror Empire by Kameron Hurley Shades of Magic trilogy by V.E. Schwab The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin Fantasy series with Queer characters Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo The Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia Still Not Asking For It is produced by Mel Gerard and hosted by Alayna Milby This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. In September 2020 we commemorated Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for due to COVID19 and instead we are hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link. Thank you for hanging out with us!
48:56
October 28, 2020
Why #BlackLivesMatter
In this episode, Alayna and Mel discuss why #BlackLivesMatter and the importance for support providers to proudly support the BLM movement. We discuss violence against Black folx, Breonna Taylor's murder and case, law enforcement's role, and points we believe white people need to be made aware of within our privilege. We recorded a segment of this episode before the KY Attorney General, Daniel Cameron's announcement of when he would come forth with any charges being brought against the LMPD officers that killed Breonna Taylor. We now know no murder charges were brought, nor were they presented by the KY AG to the grand jury. There will be no #justiceforbreonna from the system that killed her.   Still Not Asking For It is produced by Mel Gerard This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. Our theme is Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to. In September 2020 we commemorated Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for due to COVID19 and instead we are hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link. Thank you for hanging out with us and listening!
01:04:29
October 02, 2020
History of Rape in the American South
In this episode, host Alayna Milby is joined by Maja Antonic to discuss her research on the history of rape in the American South. We also debut our theme in this episode, Girl Tones' Can't Pause. Girl Tones is a 2-piece punk rock band based out of Western Kentucky. Check out their website girltones.com  Maja Antonic is the Prevention Specialist at Hope Harbor, Inc. where she began her work as a volunteer advocate and garden volunteer. Maja joined staff in 2019 to lead the education department where we provide free prevention and awareness programs to all ages in south central Kentucky. Maja has a Masters in History from Western Kentucky University where she also teaches introductory history courses.  Resources mentioned: Southern Horrors: Women and the Politics of Rape and Lynching by Crystal N. Feimster Redefining Rape by Estelle Freedman Still Not Asking For It is produced by Mel Gerard This podcast is brought to you by Hope Harbor, A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center where we provide free, confidential services to anyone impacted by sexual violence in south central Kentucky. For more information on services and ways to get involved, check out our website hopeharbor.net where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net You can call us 24/7 at 270.846.1100 for questions, resources, or someone to talk to.  September 2020 is Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary. We are unable to have the fundraising events we hoped for and instead hosting an online fundraiser. You can find more information about Coral & Jade: Hope Harbor's 35th Anniversary and how to donate by clicking the link.  Thank you for hanging out with us and listening! 
48:41
September 11, 2020
Why we are Still Not Asking For It
Welcome to Still Not Asking For It! A podcast brought to you by Hope Harbor: A Sexual Trauma Recovery Center in south central Kentucky. We plan to offer regular episodes where Hope Harbor staff, volunteers, and community partners will discuss issues that surround sexual violence and rape culture. We hope to be a resource for survivors, anyone who knows a survivor (which is like everyone), and professionals to improve understanding around these issues.  For more information about Hope Harbor and our services you can check out hopeharbor.net , where you can also find our blog, Thanks for Asking. For questions or topic suggestions, you can email us at crisisintervention@hopeharbor.net To talk to someone 24/7 you can reach us at 270.846.1100 Thanks for tuning in! 
04:55
August 24, 2020