Straight People Movies

It's our 100th episode, we're doing literally whatever we want, who cares!

Headed down to the Sherwin-Williams for a snack, y'all need anything?

If we were a tacky gay podcast we would make the episode description "If you build it, they will cum" but we're not tacky.

This song will change your life *proceeds to play "Play by Play" by Autre Ne Veut*

Recorded live from the assassin hotel whose name Dylan didn't bother looking up before writing this joke.

You will NEVER catch us closing our eyes OR falling asleep.

Sorry for the delay, we had to drop something off at Mount Doom and that took longer than expected.

Just gonna move this stool out of the way real quick gimme a second.

Straight People Movies or (The Unexpected Virtue of Internalized Homophobia)

Gladiator? Yeah I'm Glad He Ate Her, her being me, Dyl- *Dylan was pulled off stage by a large hook*

This happened to us. 

Recorded live from a pit under a car. 

Why don't you come over here and crouch on my tiger, hidden dragon?

Come with us if you want to slay.

This week, we think about the red dress. 

*Jojo Leave voice* Get out (Knives!), right now.

This movie is straight just watch it and try to convince us it's gay. 

Saving Private Ryan? Oh honey we'd rather Save Ryan's Privates. 

This week's episode is a parody of Straight People Movies

All work and no play make Kirk and Dylan very gay boys.

It's so cool that Marcia Gay Harden won an Oscar for The Mist don't look it up. 

This week we decided to talk about a movie with a title so generic because we refuse to grow our audience. 

Alexa play my favorite P!nk song featuring Steven Tyler. 

Don't worry darling?? Don't ever tell me what to do, I'm going to worry extra hard now.

Wait, so if Kirk and Dylan have been in the front this whole time, who did I just...in the bathroom????

This week we're talking Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and not Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, the movie Dylan kept saying in their head every they tried to remember which movie we were watching this week. 

¡Uno...dos...tres...catorce!

This week the Gays watched every straight person on Twitter's favorite movie, Heat! Finally the spell has been broken and we are finally heterosexual.

Kirk and Dylan went to a Zoltar and wished they were big, and the next day they woke up as Las Culturistas. 

In honor of this week's episode, we're rebranding as Str8 People Movies.

Show me the homosexuals! With guest Mase Kerwick

Put on your raincoat, put on your favorite Phil Collins album, and grab an axe, it's a new episode of Straight People Movies!

This week instead of an episode, we recorded an ASMR podcast of us each eating 50 hard-boiled eggs. 

Note: We recorded this episode in the pouring rain after taking a canoe ride to admire some ducks. 

Unfortunately we have been Joker-pilled. 

America! Fuck no! This week we watched the naughty puppet movie by the South Park dudes, and you'll never guess what we thought of it. 

Dylan and Kirk are back from Barcelona, so we had to talk about the wettest, hottest, and most American movie in the world!

Laura Dern? Laura Dern. Laura Dern...Laura Dern. Laura; Dern. 

This week the gays are joined by one of our favorite returning guests Kyle Romero as we ride into the Danger Zone aka the lighthouse in Annihilation. 

We just won an Austin Chronicle Critics prize, so naturally we decided to do an episode on a divisive movie that no one has seen, Men!! Alex Garland's long awaited follow-up to Annihilation, Men is, well let's just say unforgettable. 

Always look on the bright side of life *whistle* (Yes I know that's a different movie, the music in this one isn't as good as Life of Brian)

We did it.

Marvel Mamma is over

We are never talking about another Marvel movies as long as we live.

Marvel Mamma, a series we decided to do under our own volition, is taking a toll. We are nearing the end of our sanity. Soon we'll be talking about the red dress. Save us from this. 

Siri play Endgame by Taylor Swift from her incredibly underrated masterpiece Reputation. This week The Gays watched Avengers: Endgame as part of our MARVEL MAMMA series. And if you can't tell, we were maybe a little bored. 

Week 2 of MARVEL MAMMA!!! This week we're talking about the Boy Scout himself Captain America and his frenemy with a metal arm, The Winter Soldier! A 70's paranoid thriller-homage, this movie divided the hosts so much, one might say it's Straight People Movies: Civil War.  

In honor of the upcoming Doctor Strange and The Multiverse of Madness, we're launching our latest mini-series: MARVEL MAWMA! We've lost our everloving mind and are doing FIVE Marvel Movies in the upcoming weeks (as well as The Northman, this is our podcast not yours). We're kicking it off with the movie that more or less kicked off the Marvel Machine as we know it: 2012's The Avengers! We're ranking them by hotness, introducing a new rating scale, and doing our worst New York accents.

Programming note: We are both homosexuals and refuse to learn anything about Marvel (our brains are too full from memorizing the script to Notes on a Scandal), so if we get anything about the MCU wrong, no we didn't.

Another programming note: We're running a contest! Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify (five stars of course), and if we draw your name out of the wig, YOU get to choose a movie for us to cover. That's right, you!!!!

Crying in the bathroom wearing nothing buy tighty-whities and taking slugs from a bottle of booze, what is this a Tuesday night???? This week we're joined by Nicolas Cage scholar and host of the upcoming podcast But It Matters to Me, Brian Bonnet!! In honor of the upcoming film The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, we're talking Mandy, the 2018 psychedelic revenge horror film that launched Mr. Cage's most interesting chapter in his career.  

This week we're tootin' and fartin' our way to a possible restraining order, that's right we're talking Swiss Army Man. The Daniels' newest film Everything Everywhere All At Once is out this week so we're talking their first film and all of the heterosexuality that goes along with it.

Here comes Straight People Movies/You're favorite podcasters/Here comes Straight People Movies/This ep we're talking bout the Cremaster (More specifically, the Cremaster Cycle, a series of 5 video installations by acclaimed artist and breaker of Bjork's heart Matthew Barney)

Anyway we're talking Men in Black, the 1997 space comedy starring almost guaranteed Best Actor winner Will Smith. Also stick around for the end because we're announcing our very first contest for our fans omg.