Sum On Sleeve Podcast

Working moms often feel like they haven't accomplished enough. I've learned to accept that my kids are delaying my goals for good reason. It’s okay I can’t achieve enough every day… I can always work harder because work will always be there. The opportunities will come and go; if I miss out on one or a dozen, there will be another dozen waiting for me when I’m ready with the capacity to take them on.  Believing in abundance minimizes my fears of missing out on opportunities that could potentially allow me to reach my dreams faster. I’m not falling behind because I am in control of my timeline.  However, my kids don’t standstill. I can’t control their timelines. There are no pause buttons. They’re growing, every day, learning, developing, building connections in their brains about how the world works, the good, the bad and the ugly. They’re only young for so long. They don’t stay babies. They don’t stay preschoolers. They don’t stay mouthy, attitude giving, teenagers (thank goodness).

Working moms often feel like they haven't accomplished enough. I've learned to accept that my kids are delaying my goals for good reason. It’s okay I can’t achieve enough every day… As an overachieving, recovering perfectionist, one of my blind spots is not knowing when enough is enough.  How many things can I accomplish? How efficient can I get without sacrificing quality? How much more can I write before his quiet whimpering becomes a loud, piercing scream that’ll cause the neighbours to be concerned? How many more videos can I edit before she’s bored with her toys and wants me to play with her again? How much more resentment can I hold against my husband because I’m keeping score of who does more in the house and it appears I’m winning? I had become a Chinese factory that’s gone through its 10th process improvement iteration, well-oiled, results-driven and ready to produce more with a fraction of the cost. But what was at stake?  Oh, nothing…just anything that matters like my mental health, emotional well-being, relationships with my kids, my marriage…etc.

Working moms have it tough. Our social life is often at the bottom of our priorities. How can one minimize the loneliness of motherhood? Some may say since the advent of the Internet, it has made us feel more lonely, more depressed, and have more anxiety than the generation that grew up without it. Specifically, it’s that constant scrolling through social media and getting access to people’s lives who seem to “have it together” that make our lives feel inadequate.  From my experience, I only started to up my social media game when I became a mom. It could have been a combination of becoming a blogger and seeking a sense of belonging but it allowed me to feel normal about things that didn’t seem normal, from saggy belly skin, breastfeeding struggles to real and raw articles about the resentment we hold against our husbands.  As a Millennial, I grew up in the meme culture, finding things I thought were weird, funny or oddly gratifying and realizing I wasn’t the only one. I’d like to think it drives our generation’s sense of humour. To me, connecting with moms from all parts of the world, either directly or indirectly has made the inevitable loneliness of motherhood more tolerable.

Working moms have it tough. Our social life is often at the bottom of our priorities. How can one minimize the loneliness of motherhood? Working moms have no time to stop I go back to work and the playdates dwindle down, texting tapers and the chats become infrequent. I’m in the full-blown working mom mode where the guilt rips me apart, trying to make time for myself, my job, my husband and my barely a year-old daughter. Trying to prioritize is a lose-lose battle because one of those things will always suffer; I didn’t want to let anything slide. My days were beyond full; in addition to the 9–5, there were the drop-offs and pick-ups, crawling in traffic stress, preparing dinners the night before, scrambling to get to early morning meetings, ducking out early during afternoon meetings. Working moms are overwhelmed, especially those with young children.  I was lonely. There was a deep void that couldn’t be filled because I didn’t have the capacity to fill it. My stress levels were overflowing but I felt empty, longing for social connection. The days kept going, switching from work to home, home to work, replacing hats the mere second I stepped into the office or the house.

Working moms have it tough. Our social life is often at the bottom of our priorities. How can one minimize the loneliness of motherhood? At that moment, I remember feeling sorry for my mom, that she didn’t have people her age to talk to except my dad and a couple of her coworkers. I told myself that I wouldn’t be like that when I had kids, that I would have friends and want friends, that I would have asked for that lady’s number and developed that budding connection into a friendship.

Don’t throw it, re-grow in the garden or compost it My husband and I started gardening about 4 years ago. I first started regrowing green onions and this piqued my interest. All I did was cut the ends of the green onions that I bought from the store, put them in a glass with some water, let it grow a bit and then transferred them to our garden. I haven’t bought green onions for years. The next vegetable I want to re-grow is celery. Apparently, it’s the same process. Eat mindfully then mindlessly save the rest As adults, we need to have an idea of how hungry we are and how much we can eat. Practicing mindfulness during meals is a fantastic way to gauge this and also help manage emotional eating.  When folks scarf down their meals, looking at their phones, shovelling instead of actually chewing, they don’t get to appreciate the ingredients nor are they aware of how much they’ve actually consumed.

Immigrant parents often told their kids to finish their food; however, in this generation, it goes beyond the plate to reduce food waste. I’m eternally grateful for the time and place that I live in. I am fortunate I am not in my parents’ position, that they took the brunt of the hardship when they immigrated to Canada so that I can thrive and optimize on the opportunities they didn’t have. I want to preserve my parents’ resourcefulness not because I need to survive but because I want my great-grandchildren to survive. Identifying and appreciating this difference between our generations has allowed me to embrace my past, take action in my present to create a better future for my children. So I started thinking about all the resourceful ways I have lived my life and came up with a list of things I do to reduce wasted food. By sharing my story and tips, I hope to inspire you to redirect your focus away from “finish your plate” to “save our planet.” So I’m going to share with you the things that I do to help reduce wasted food. I’m not someone who gives advice unless I’ve followed it. I’m a realist so these are practical tips that are relatively easy to follow and implement in your life.

Immigrant parents often told their kids to finish their food; however, in this generation, it goes beyond the plate to reduce food waste. Canadian statistics on wasted food  According to the Second Harvest’s 2019 annual report: Feeding People, Not Landfills, more than half the food that is produced gets thrown out in Canada. This is approximately 35.5 million metric tonnes of food every year. And 11.2 million metric tonnes of it can be avoided.  Why should we care about wasted food? Why should we do our part in reducing it? I’m going to state the obvious but it SAVES YOU MONEY! Like my parents, grandparents and great grandparents and ancestors have preached for generations, when you throw out something you bought with money, that is throwing out money.  Next, let’s talk about the earth’s resources that are used to grow food. When you throw out half your burger, do you know how much it took to raise that cow, manufacture that it into ground beef, transport it to a restaurant, grill it and serve it to you piping hot? I’m just talking about the patty. When you leave it on your plate, it takes additional resources to collect, haul and transport to the landfill site.  Lastly, the landfill that keeps growing also keeps producing methane emissions, contributing to the greenhouse gases that continue to heat our planet up.

Immigrant parents often told their kids to finish their food; however, in this generation, it goes beyond the plate to reduce food waste. My “waste not, want not” upbringing Growing up with Asian immigrant parents, my dad’s paycheque went to 2 things: the mortgage and the groceries. My mom’s paycheque went to our clothes and extracurricular activities. And anything extra went to their savings so they could put an additional payment into the mortgage at the end of the year. Survival was the priority; food and shelter were the main concerns as parents. Money was tight and throwing away food was like throwing away cash. That was their mentality. My mom would often preach to us that we needed to finish our food, guilt-tripping us with the “starving kids in Africa who have less than us” story. Later on, when we were teenagers, she preyed on our vanity and self-consciousness by coming up with a myth that for every grain of rice we didn’t finish, a freckle would appear on our faces.  Every dinner, she put a lot of thought and effort into her dishes, coming up with exciting flavours and textures with the ingredients she had in her pantry so that it would be enticing enough for her kids to eat. So when she would see food left in our bowls, she’d feel hurt, assuming we didn’t like her food and that we didn’t appreciate her hard work. Food was tied to how she showed her love and despite her good intentions, it manifested into my emotional eating, wanting to finish my plate whenever dinner was served as to not disappoint her.

Asian culture and the age hierarchy Growing up as a Chinese Canadian, I often felt like I was a living and breathing war, caught in an eternal conflict between the Western and Eastern cultures.  Which values do I resonate with?  Which beliefs do I want to own?  How do I want to define my identity? Is this a choice for me to make? Or my parents? Or my teachers? Or society? In Asian cultures, age is significantly valued in a hierarchical manner. For instance, in Chinese culture, how family members are referred to depends on whether the person is older/younger than you. This determines their formal title. Generally, the older someone is, the more respect they are entitled to and this philosophy is shared across Asia, from Korea, Japan to China as it is based on Confucian teachings. Everyone has a position in life, ranked depending on their age (old higher rank than young) and gender (males higher rank than females)* and how people interact with one another should reflect where they stand in this hierarchy.

Asian cultures value age in a hierarchical manner. I was taught to respect my elders. How has growing up in Canada affected my views? The East and West battle inside of me The other day, I was leaving the grocery store when I saw a white man in his late 60’s carrying a bunch of bags also head towards the exit.  I politely asked him, “Sir, would you like some help?” He sneered, “No thanks. I can do just fine. I’m not as old as you think I look.” I’m shocked at his response so I don’t say anything. He walked on but I stopped to ponder,  “What just happened?”

How that made me look even better I’ve written about my past eating disorder, ongoing recovery and how it’s affected me as a mom. So this is about how I’ve changed my mindset around exercise, instead of abusing it, using it to heal from my abuse. How did I finally figure out a balance that made me happier, healthier and look even better than when I was in my 20s before kids?

I’ve written about my past eating disorder, ongoing recovery and how it’s affected me as a mom. So this is about how I’ve changed my mindset around exercise, instead of abusing it, using it to heal from my abuse. You can do too much of a good thing It was around Grade 10 when I understood the concept of “calories in versus calories out”. It’s a simple math equation:  The more you eat, the more you need to expend. The less you eat, the less you need to expend.  The more you expend, the more you can eat. The less you expend, the less you can eat. In order to lose weight, you can eat less and/or expend more. I wanted that thigh gap, those rail-thin arms, the flat stomach, to fit into size zero jeans, to tell people that I was an extra small when it came to buying clothes for me, to not get picked on for being the bigger girl at those Asian family dinners, to be praised for having lost weight etc. So I took that equation and made up a dangerous game. Eating was tied to managing my emotions and exercising was tied to managing my mental state; I abused both, overexercising, starving and binging, consuming calories to fill a void, expending calories to expunge the guilt.  Whenever I ate too much or ate something ‘bad’, I needed to cleanse my sins and exercise was my penance.

As the mother of a girl and a boy, I will get a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law. What kind of mother-in-law do I want to be? Hopefully, one that doesn't deserve to be punched in the face. I have a daughter and a son. They’re both under 5 but assuming they’re both heterosexual and get happily married, I will have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law. And I get to have the title of a mother-in-law. Maybe it’s the old traditional mindset that girls will always come back to their parents whereas boys tend to stray away but I only started thinking about this relationship a little more in-depth when I had my son.  I’m getting idealistic which goes against my realistic beliefs but aligns with my optimistic mindset. I want to think about this because, without hope and faith, there’s only doom and gloom. I don’t believe in hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.  I prepare for the best because I believe the best will happen. However, if the worst happens, I have hope and confidence that the life experiences I will have had to that point will provide me with enough resilience to deal with it.  I have about 30 or so years to prepare for the glorious day when I receive the mother-in-law title.  Perhaps by that time, I will have changed my mind?  Or the social landscape would have changed and polyamorous relationships have become mainstream; anyone can get married to more than one person and folks have multiple sets of in-laws. One big happy eh? However, until then, here’s the kind of mother-in-law I want to be:

As the mother of a girl and a boy, I will get a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law. What kind of mother-in-law do I want to be? Hopefully, one that doesn't deserve to be punched in the face. I have a daughter and a son. They’re both under 5 but assuming they’re both heterosexual and get happily married, I will have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law. And I get to have the title of a mother-in-law. Maybe it’s the old traditional mindset that girls will always come back to their parents whereas boys tend to stray away but I only started thinking about this relationship a little more in-depth when I had my son.  Why is it more common for the relationship between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law to be strained than with her son-in-law?

Growing up, my mom discouraged my sisters and me from taking any medication unless prescribed and required by our family doctor. Anything else was unnatural and unnecessary for our bodies. Pain is part of life and riding it out was like a badge of honour for her. Like many Asian moms, she had mastered the art of hiding her emotions. She will try everything to prevent disease before resorting to medication; hence, she eats incredibly healthy, works out like a beast, hikes, swims, practices yoga and destressing techniques.

What are some things you can do to avoid the Asian family drama that can happen during the planning and at the wedding? From the guest list, traditions, venue...here's what I did that I had control over to avoid most of the drama. Ultimately, it’s the memories that we have of our wedding that matter. Drama or no-drama, we made sure it was our moment to remember.

It's me and my husband's day, not anyone else's. So before I rant about the Asian family drama that happens whenever someone gets engaged and the things you can do to prevent that, let me share with you a few factors that I had absolutely no control over that helped me avoid a lot of that stuff.

Recently, my husband and I were talking about whether someone who made a comment about me to him could come to me directly with that comment.  He tells me,  “I doubt it. People find you intimidating.” I’ve been in denial of my intimidation for years because I’ve always associated it with negative connotations; it’s not a good thing that others are scared of me. I want to be perceived as warm and welcoming, kind, easy to approach, and friendly.  Isn’t that how society expects women to act if they want to be liked? (I’m not going down that RBF rant again) If I’m intimidating then I’m a cold bitch who’s snotty, judgy, viewing others as though they’re beneath me.  But that’s not at all who I am.  The past week, I’ve been pondering about this word and started doing my usual Google search on whether this is true. How come all of these people are telling me that I am?  People who love me. People who don’t love me anymore. People who know me inside and out. People who don’t know me at all. They’ve all told me. There has to be an element of truth in their words.  Was I interpreting the word completely wrong? Yes.  Intimidation can be a positive characteristic. So I’ve made the decision to own that word, embracing who I am and removing all self-hate around it; those who see me for who I really am will know what I am really about.  Here 10 reasons why this word resonates with who I am.

Take time to reminisce and learn more about yourself When those annoying instances happen, I take the time to dig deep into myself, reflecting on my childhood, values, beliefs and priorities and why that triggered me emotionally.  Then it initiates a self-reflection journey where I write my thoughts down, discover old wounds I need to heal or patch up, build my emotional strength to pass on to my children; this often turns into a blog post, podcast and/or video.  The same self-reflection journey happens when delightful instances happen, like funny things my daughter does and says that I get to hear about from them or things that I realize my parents have stopped doing because they now know better (like encouraging my daughter to cry instead of shaming it when I was a kid). I get to relish in the cycle of parenting.

Don’t compare them to others  Oh, how the tables have turned. Growing up, my parents loved comparing us, apples to oranges to mangoes to kiwis. That history has made me prone to their behaviour. Who’s making more? Who got the promotion first? Who got better grades? Who got married first? Who has the bigger house? Nicer car? Went to a better school? Now it’s,  Who is the better caretaker for your kids? It’s hard not to compare those who take care of your kids. From in-laws, parents of friends, a sibling, the nanny, your parents, even between you and your spouse (the other parent), who did well and who did poorly.

Be grateful  Before getting pregnant, I already knew that I wanted to raise my kids in the city where I grew up. They have great public schools (I am proud to be a product of that system) and the community is very child-friendly. I’m grateful we can afford to live here and were able to buy a home close to my parents.  I wanted to be close to my parents because I want my kids to have a strong relationship with their grandparents, something I didn’t have growing up because they lived in Hong Kong. I met my Gong Gong once when I was 5 and my Por Por left earth too early before I was born. On my dad’s side, I only have a couple of distant memories of my Maa Maa and Ye Ye before they passed. The relationship they have with my kids is priceless; taking care of them keeps my parents busy, engaged and gives them a renewed sense of a purpose. It challenges them mentally, emotionally and physically and although they’ll never admit it, I believe having my daughter around has helped reinvigorate their marriage and appreciation for one another. They’ve had to relearn how to work as a team. I’m fortunate to be in the situation that I am in and it’s hard to complain when I know I am on the side where the grass is greener.

Out of sight, out of mind Ignorance is bliss. I don’t know what I don’t know and sometimes I don’t want to know what I don’t know, you know? Would I want to put cameras up at my parents’ house so I could monitor exactly what was going on?  What my parents were really feeding her?  How much screen time they were really allowing her?  How much English my dad was really speaking? Hell no! This is the reason why I prefer to drop my kids off at my parents than to have them at my house. Yes, they could easily come over and it’ll save me the extra 25-minute commute to and from their place during the drop-offs and pick-ups; however, once I drop her off, I know she’s in good hands and that’s all that matters. When I pick her up, what’s done is done and I’m grateful I didn’t get a call from them in the middle of the day.

Have a tough conversation (But choose wisely) Picking my battles with my parents about how to care for my daughter is both an art and a science. If I nag them every time they do something that bothers me, my concerns will eventually fall on deaf ears. And generally, Asian parents are very sensitive to criticism. Often when feedback is given, they’ll immediately get defensive and/or play the victim, shifting the blame on someone or something else. So it’s a delicate art to bring up when it comes to their caretaking abilities. The bottom line is choosing the right issue to bring up, knowing what I value and whether the issue is big and frequent enough to pinch my values.

Focus on the positive and their strengths In the end, my loose reins worked in my favour because my parents naturally did the “right” things. I shifted my focus on their positive traits and started appreciating their strengths.  No caretaker is perfect and it's important to appreciate your parents for what they are good at.

Lower your expectations (more like throw them out the door) As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve learned (still learning) to curb my need to be a supermom.  FYI: My son is playing in his Jumperoo as I’m typing this sentence and he’s been whining for my attention for the past 15 minutes.   Do I yell at my kids? Yes. Do I swear in front of them? Yes. Do I put Paw Patrol on so I can work out? Yes. Do I feed them ice cream, cookies, chips and other foods that contain ingredients that I cannot pronounce? Yes. Have there been days where it’s nice out but we stay inside like sloths on the couch watching TV and playing Angry Birds? Yes. Have there been times where my kids haven’t taken a bath in days and they smell like ripe Gouda? Yes. Are my kids in swimming, ballet, soccer, piano, skating, painting, crafts, juggling, bird watching…all the activities a stereotypical Tiger mom puts them in? No.  I’ve come to terms with my own expectations as a mother and I’ve had to set a basic minimum for my parents.

Asian grandparents often take care of their grandchildren. As a mom, how did I make this work peacefully without blowing a fit at my parents? A year from now, my daughter will start Kindergarten. That means, no more getting spoiled for days at Gong Gong Por Por’s (Grandpa and Grandma’s) house. My maternity leave will be over and my son will be taking her place, 3 days a week, every week, rain or shine until he starts school. It’s been like that for the past 3 years. And during this experience, it’s spurred many tough, anxiety-inducing conversations, frustrations, ah-ha moments and revelations, enough for me to write an entire book titled, “How to Deal With Asian Parents.”  Seeing your parents at least 3 times a week would either make you shudder in fear or smile in comfort. Over time, it’s become the latter.   The other day while I was picking my daughter up, I asked my mom,  “Are you having fun, mom?” She stares at me,  “Are you kidding me? Of course! This is the most fun I’ve had in years. Your daughter says so many funny things. She makes me laugh until I cry. I’m going to make the most of this time before she starts Kindergarten.” They cared for her since she was a baby When she said this, I started to reflect on the significance of their influence on our daughter’s life and how it didn’t start out that way.

YOLO, life is short, carpe diem... Have you ever thought about your death? What would happen if you were to leave earth at this moment? Or at a time when you weren't ready? When you had no time to prepare? It can be a dark and difficult concept for some to ponder about. We have unfinished business, regrets, loose ends...things we want to experience, things we want to conquer, things we want to learn, things we want to explore... We need to exist in order for those things to happen and our existence is based on us living right? So when we die, none of that can happen. And it's scary, knowing what we've left behind, messes, unspoken words, apologies not given, apologies not accepted, relationships not started, not mended, ventures not begun...etc Just like that old piece of bread in the back of your fridge, mould grows, eats away at the crusts, the soft white becomes a grey and green fuzz...and slowly it decomposes and becomes part of your compost, feeding other plants and life.  For many, it's only when we lose someone close or someone we've revered that we reflect on our own mortality.  However, as a kid, I thought a lot about death. I'm not sure if this is common with other Asian-Canadian Millennials who were overachieving perfectionists, struggling to find a place in the world to identify with and battled with depression and self-harm.  Nonetheless, recently, I started thinking about my mortality and how becoming a blogger/content creator has made me fear death a little less.  Can our purpose and passion carry on without our existence? Everything that I've written, created, said, recorded in all my platforms (videos, podcasts, blogs, books, courses...etc) has been true to me. I have been as authentic in this medium that I have ever been in my life. And that is a strong statement. Every word, sentence, paragraph I have stated is what I believe in, aligns with my values and priorities. And when I express these opinions, it holds me accountable. One of my core values is walking the talk. I am not fronting. I hate fake people. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't give you advice if I haven't followed it myself. Knowing all of this is available on this online permanent record for my children and their children etc...gives me comfort, that I am leaving behind a somewhat legacy for them to get to know me, who I am, what I am about, my history, life lessons, stories from me and my parents and grandparents.  The only person who can REALLY hold you accountable is yourself and when I watch or read my stuff, it motivates me to keep going. The more I put down that is authentic, the more the next generation can know what I am about. There may be times when I tell myself that I haven't been practicing what I preach. That's the time when I have to reflect on what's going on in my life. Has something changed? What's different? And then I can write more about that. I know as I get older, my mind might change...I may feel differently about a topic 10 years from now...but having the insight and record for how that's changed will give me the context to communicate that to my children (and their children) and so forth.

When you have a second baby, how does the first kid react to their newborn sibling? When you go from being a mom of 1 to a mom of 2… Does the chaos also double? My son just started solids and my daughter’s reciting to me an entire episode of Paw Patrol where Mayor Humdinger gets into trouble and the pups have to save him….AGAIN. Nod nod nod…scoop, scrape, wipe Nod…uh huh…uh huh… “And then what did Chase do?” There goes the flying blob of yams…and onto the floor. That orange wet goop stares at me, dimpled, judging me, challenging me, silently screaming, “Wipe me, wipe me, wipe me before I harden into a crusty old booger that gets flicked onto the carpet, stepped on by little feet, entangled in the fibres, forever waiting to be plucked.” Then, a little hand pulls my arm; I look over. The preschooler sighs,  “Mom, you’re not listening!” Another blob falls to the floor. Does this sound like chaos? It is but it isn’t.

So earlier this year, I published a book on some strategies that helped my relationship with my parents. sumonsleeve.com/books The title of the book assumes that it provides the reader with a clear solution to their problems. But with any self-help, personal development, relationship advice book, the solution lies within us.  The book serves as a catalyst to provide the reader with courage and validation to do what they need to do. The book gives tools, strategies, tips, coping mechanisms but at the end of the day, it is up to the person reading it to follow suit.  Here are some questions that I’ve received:

Asian moms are like magicians in the kitchen, cooking up a storm without the thunder and lightning As a mother of 2 with a husband who has the stomach the size of a basketball player’s inside a small Chinese man, I cook A LOT! One day as I was restocking my pantry, I glance at the items and I realized it looks almost identical to the one I grew up with. I had unknowingly cloned my childhood tastes and flavours into my own household. Here’s an ode to my mom…with a couple of recipes included  Like that Chinese song… In This World, Only Mama Is Good. “世上只有妈妈好”

When you have a product that you believe in, it makes it easier. I'm an author of 3 books. I needed to sell my books, promote them, tell people about them, get them to resonate with my message and story and then, take their precious hard-earned dollars out of their wallets to spend on me. It’s the right thing to do but I dreaded it. It became one of those things you know you should do but you don’t want to do them.  For instance, household chores, laundry, putting the dishes away, wiping the counters, cleaning the sink, toilets, bathtub.  Or from a health perspective: working out, eating right, drinking water, going to bed early etc.  And I clumped selling my books into that category. I can create and create and create until the cows come home…but will people know about it? Here’s the thing… Are there days you just want to create, record, write and produce?  Not marketing, not promoting, not selling, not networking…just in your space, putting your skills to work and seeing the beauty you can contribute to society? Don’t we all wish we could just do exactly what we want and get paid for it?  In some ways that is possible…but being a realistic optimist, I believe there will always be things we don’t want to do. If I'm going to do something I don't want to do, I'm going to do it as authentic to me as possible. ⁣

In this PODCAST, Jane and I have a frank conversation from body confidence, married life in quarantine and our thoughts on the racism that has recently surfaced during this unprecedented time. We dive into some tough topics while staying authentic to who we are. Self-confidence tips How do you stay confident about our bodies as we go through change? Ageing, pregnancies, the ups and downs of life all contribute to our self-confidence. When maintaining a positive mindset about our physical appearance, it actually goes beyond skin deep. Married life during the #quarantine Working alone versus working apart versus working side by side. How can couples stay sane during a time where space is limited. Both Jane and I are working at home alongside our husbands. How did we find a happy medium sharing an environment without sabotaging our marriages? Racism and hate towards the Chinese during COVID-19 #hateisavirus and it spreads like wildfire if it doesn't get contained. It's much easier to hate than to love because our brains are wired to be negative. And love starts with self-love, embracing ourselves and our culture and then sharing that love with others through thoughtful conversation, compassion and an open mind. 

How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about food? As someone who has struggled with body confidence her whole life, I've had a love-hate relationship with these 2. ***Warning: there are various descriptive, emotional triggers in the rest of this story. Please be advised**  From disordered eating, laxatives, cleanses, liquid diets, binging then throwing up, caffeine pills and patches, overexercising (I remember running non-stop around the track until welts formed in my armpits and skin peeled off my inner thighs)...to not eating for days...I've done it all.  It started when I was just a kid. I remember I went on my first 'diet' when I was barely 8 years old, eliminating meat because fat was the enemy at the time. From the media, not meeting the stereotypical thin Asian body type, negative comments from family and family friends, pressure from myself to meet unattainable expectations, perfectionist tendencies...all of these contributed to my disordered eating behaviour.  As part of my recovery, I've pinpointed the reasons for my toxic relationship with food: I control my eating as a way to control my feelings. However, emotions are not reasons to eat. To be hungry is. To nourish your body is. To fuel your brain so it can optimally function while you write is. To feed your muscles so they can pick up your child is.  And that took years to figure out, to be in tune with my body, teasing out what feeling I was feeling whenever I wanted to eat. It's a daily battle. Every meal I eat, I try my best to do it mindfully. Over time, I've come to appreciate and re-invigorate my love for food.   And I'm extra sensitive to the way I talk about food, how I eat, when I eat and what I eat whenever I'm around my children. I don't want to put an emphasis on it but I also don't want it to be off my radar. I want to teach my kids to have a healthy relationship with food without drawing too much attention to it.  I want to be stealth, monitoring closely but not too closely. I think I'll always think, "Am I hyper-aware of how and what they eat because of my past? Or is there actually something going on?" So here are some guidelines that I've been following and my thoughts and realistic experiences with how that's actually been going.

First of all, I don’t judge a parent for sharing pictures of their kids on social media. It’s a personal choice and ultimately, it’s what works for their family. I was on the fence about posting pictures because I mean if celebrities do it, it should be fine right? But then if I always made decisions based on what a celebrity would do, I probably wouldn’t be where I am (jumped off a bridge too?). So I sat on the fence for a little while, thinking about my own journey with social media. I put my first photo of myself on the Internet when I was about 13 years old. I had an Asian Avenue account and really wanted to put this profile picture up. In the picture, I’m wearing a shimmery purple tube dress, holding a daisy. When it got developed, I was like, “Damn, I look good. That’s the picture. The people in my Asian Avenue community need to see this.” And people saw my face, the couple comments I got were such a confidence booster.  Oh, how fragile a 13 year’s self-esteem is. Anyway, a few years later, my parents bought a scanner and basically, all hell broke loose, scanning pictures left right and centre all throughout the rest of high school. In University, I got a digital camera and Friendster (then, Facebook) came along. I never did Xanga or MySpace. After, of course, getting a smartphone changed everything. As we know, excessively posting photos of ourselves through social media has made our generation become self-obsessed and vain narcissists. And I have to admit, I have a history of this self-obsessed behaviour, taking selfies in the bathroom, flexing mirror selfies at the gym, posing inside the change room at the mall, practicing when I had a free moment. So long story short, social media isn’t going away any time soon and my daughter will inevitably be exposed to it. If I can do something to prevent that vanity gene from kicking in early for my daughter, I’m gonna do it. Next, it's about empowerment and empowering my kids to have the choice in how much or how little they want to share with the world.

This was originally a live session hat aired on July 10th, 8 pm PST In this podcast, Angie Wong and I sat down and had a real and raw conversation about relationships. We chatted about relationships of all sorts, romantic, non-romantic, family, strangers, diving into the nitty-gritty of human connection and energy. I spoke about the past lessons from a previous relationship that revealed toxic behaviours such as over-functioning and poor anger management which led to deep-rooted resentment. I go into detail about how I am in relationships is influenced by my childhood growing up with Asian immigrant parents.  We hit some major truths about dating and what happens when we treat ourselves poorly and how that attracts those who will treat us poorly. We get honest about our egos and what happens when we get hurt.   As Angie puts it, "It's not reJECTion. It's reDIRECTion." Stick around! It's about to get vulnerable. Let the learning begin.  For more information about Show Face to Face, check out the group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/showfacetoface/

You will get your independence back I remember the moment I felt like I “lost my independence.” I was driving back home from a mom group when I saw that Garden Works was having a sale. I was about to turn in when my daughter started wailing. I looked at the clock and I said to myself, “Right, it’s ten o’clock. It’s time to go home for a feed, diaper change and then a nap. Will I come back and check out the sale? Nope. Nope. And nope. Because after her nap, it starts all over again. When can I just pick up and go without considering her needs? Will I ever be able to do that?” And that scared the sh*t out of me because I thought my life was over. But it wasn’t and I’ve been able to do pit stops since. The feed, change, and nap cycle goes away! And even during the “rigorous” schedule, you CAN do what you want; it just depends on how much you want to. You CAN feed in the car, in the mother’s nursing room at the mall, on the bus. You CAN change diapers in the park, at the bank etc. You CAN let them nap in the stroller, in your arms while you try to eat your brunch, on the floor at your friend’s house etc. Once they’re out of the cycle, you would have gotten so used to that routine that any sense of freedom feels like a blessing. It’s all relative. “They can grab a cheerio and eat it.” “They can walk up to the toilet, take off their pants and pee.” “They can climb the stairs, change into their pyjamas and go to bed.” The experience of losing your independence is sudden at first but when you start gaining it back, you forget you lost it in the first place.

Ask for helpful help (including support for your partner) and refuse unhelpful help People love to help. It’s an inherent characteristic of our species. We see someone struggling and we want to do something for them. So that’s why those World Vision commercials worked so well huh? However, not all help is created equal and that depends on what you find helpful. For instance, imagine having your parents or in-laws come over to help “clean” your house. But you have to direct them to where everything is, help them move things around and basically make sure they don’t screw it up. You end up having to watch 3 babies instead of 1. Not exactly helpful! That’s the time to say, “Thanks, but no thanks!” Figure out what you consider helpful and ask for it! For me, the most helpful thing came from my sister. Before coming to visit us, she asked what I needed from the grocery store. I listed a bunch of fruit because we had been surviving on reheated meals, postpartum Chinese soups and congee. Then she asked, “Any snacks for Brian (my husband)?” At that moment, I glanced at him and realized he was going through his own recovery. He looked mentally and emotionally exhausted (having taken quite a Baby Blues beating from myself), unshaven with a bit of dried-up congee crust hanging at the corner of his lip. I asked him, “What snacks do you crave right now? Don’t hold back. Just go!” He stared at me as his eyes lit up, listing very specific snacks including All Dressed flavoured Crispers, Sweet Chilli Riceworks chips and Miss Vickie’s jalapeno kettle cooked potato chips. My sister came over with bags of fruit and every single snack he wanted. I think ripping open that bag of Crispers, devouring each one until crumbs covered his face gave my husband almost as much joy as holding his newborn son.

Vent, rant, do verbal diarrhea with your trusted emotional support circle (they won’t judge) Whether it’s your sister, your mom, your besties, your aunt, your cousin, or an online support group, find your tribe. Your partner will not get it. You’ll want to vent about him to someone because you may resent him and he can only take so much. During that time when you’re learning how to be a mom, you will experience immense emotional highs and lows. You may experience “baby blues” during the first two weeks where you feel moody, irritable, restless, anxious, sadness, with bouts of crying. You’re going to need a sounding board, someone to validate your feelings, someone to tell you things will get better, that it’s totally normal to feel like a fish out of water that’s drowning with each breath of air. Write and voice your true feelings aloud! Don’t fake it. You don’t need to put on a brave face or pretend like you’ve got this; it’s okay to say it sucks. On the flip side, don’t join pity parties. If mothers around you are complaining incessantly about how hard it is but you’re loving it, don’t succumb to social pressures. It’s okay to say it’s wonderful. At the end of the say, you want your journey into motherhood to be real, raw and authentic.

Breastfeeding may or may not work out and that’s totally okay Some women have that magical first moment with their newborns, eyes meet, skin-to-skin, tears of joy, a well-fitted latch, not tongue-tide, hefty gulps from colostrum filled breasts. Some women aren’t physically able to breastfeed. Some women struggle with breastfeeding at first and choose to keep trying, with lots of ups and downs until it works out. Some women struggle with breastfeeding at first and decide not to do it anymore. Some women don’t struggle with breastfeeding and decide not to do it. Some women exclusively pump and bottle feed. Some women breast and bottle feed. Some women choose not to breastfeed at all. Whatever you do is specific to your situation. No one is you and every mother is different. Ultimately, fed is best and don’t let anyone (including yourself) convince you otherwise.

You have a right to request and refuse visitors From friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, everyone wants to see the baby. And this can either augment or diminish your experience depending on how you want to recover. But how do you know how you want to recover if you’ve never given birth? Think about a time when you’ve gotten sick, had the flu or had surgery. Maybe that time you had your Wisdom teeth taken out or when you broke your foot while hiking? How did you want to recover? Having visitors can be a great way to feel normal again, to have adult conversations, to socialize and to surround yourself with people who share your joy. So if you want your sister, your best friend, your coworkers, all your girlfriends, your mom, or whoever you need, ask them to come over. Request them to be there with you, to help you, to lend an ear, to make hot tea for you, to dish about the latest gossip, to gush over the newborn smell etc. However, having visitors can also overwhelm a new mom. This is especially true if you’re someone who needs their own time, space and privacy to recover. You have the right to choose who you want during your delivery, at the hospital during visiting hours and when you come home. Don’t play hostess because you’ll suck at it. Your home is your safe space. Combining sleep deprivation, Baby Blues, feeling like a deflated balloon will make your patience levels paper-thin. It’s a bad idea to have visitors who you are not completely comfortable with and can’t be your absolute raw self around. If you have to put up a front in front of them, engage in small talk and/or watch what you say, you can let them wait to see the baby. You don’t want to say something that you’ll regret later. “Get the fuck out of my fucking house!” Don’t be a people pleaser! No one has a ‘right’ to see your baby except yourself and your partner. Set clear boundaries and make sure both of you are on the same page in enforcing them. Those who respect and understand this are part of your tribe. For those who don’t, you may need to re-assess those relationships. During life changes such as getting married or divorced, losing or starting a job, beginning or ending a relationship, having a baby, you will get to see the true colours of the people in your life. It’s like a litmus test for filtering out the authentic relationships from the inauthentic ones.

It’s okay if you don’t feel an instant, magical connection with your baby What you see on TV and movies don’t actually happen. First, those babies look way too big to be newborns. Second, Hollywood has yet to master the “after giving birth” look. Lastly, the magical connection doesn’t always happen immediately. I had completely different experiences with my first and second. Maybe it was being a new mom and not knowing what to expect when she came out but I felt like my daughter was an alien. I didn’t know how to hold her. I didn’t know how to soothe her. I stared at her constantly, when she was awake and when she was asleep. I wanted to be close to her all the time but I also wanted to have space for myself. Everything felt so awkward. But as the time when on, I got to know her and she got to know me. I knew what her cries and coos meant. I figured out when I needed to be close and when I could have some space. Our connection grew and she became my baby girl and I became her mother. With my son, he looked up at me and I looked down at him and I just wanted to snuggle and eat him up. I understood his cries quickly and there was no awkwardness.

Treat your body with kindness Your body just performed a miracle. It grew an entire human, eyeballs, earlobes, brains, fingernails and everything. It needs to heal, replenish and recover. It’s amazing what the body can do and you need to appreciate what it’s been through. This is not the time to obsess over stretch marks, loose skin, or jiggly thighs. It’s time to love your body even more. Every change that your body went through during pregnancy and delivery is a badge of honour. Wear your skin with pride. There is no such thing as a “pre-baby body.” You grew a tiny human, from a couple of cells to an entire heart, mind, body and soul; that’s what it went through. You can’t turn back time and you wouldn’t want to either. Instead of aiming for the body that you used to have, strive to have the most positive body image for yourself as a new mom. If you treat your body with kindness and love, it will do wonders for you in return. Also, having a positive body image is a great way to lead by example as a parent.

Your past Why it didn’t work out with your exes Talking about your exes may be considered taboo on a first date. However, once a couple has reached a point in their relationship where they’re talking about marriage, a lot can be learned about someone when they share what happened in their past relationships and why they ended. You don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty but reflecting on your past, who you were at the time and how you’ve grown can give your partner insight into why you are the way you are with them. It’s an opportunity to validate that the person you’re about to marry is the right person. ‘Dirty laundry’ that keeps you up at night Got a burning secret that you’re keeping from them? And it’s eating you up inside? Better speak now or forever hold your peace. Everyone views secrets differently. Some believe that there shouldn’t be any secrets between a couple. Honesty is the best policy. And if the couple is strong enough, they will accept the secret and figure out a way to move forward together. Others believe there are things that don’t need to be shared and not knowing that information can protect someone from getting hurt. You know, ignorance is bliss and the burden of keeping that secret is justified as a selfless act. Ultimately, if the secret is big enough to keep you up at night and it affects how you are around your partner and how you treat them, it needs to be shared. Your partner will notice things are off and it will be detrimental to your relationship. You might as well nip it in the bud before you walk down the aisle.

Where and how to live It’s hard to maintain a marriage if you’re physically apart. The stress of long-distance relationships, commutes, time-zone differences would drive any couple to the edge. Where do you want to live together? Where would you want to raise your kids? How do you want to live? Are you deadset on living in a specific city or province/state or country? How open are you to a nomadic lifestyle? Have you always dreamt of living in a different country? Do you have a bucket list of places to live? Do you eventually want to move back closer to your family? If one person wants to put roots down while the other is willing to be on the move every few years depending on opportunities that come up (job, experience a new culture, lifelong dreams etc) this can cause major stress in a marriage. Make sure you’re both on the same page.

Money is often quoted as one of the top reasons marriages end in divorce. It’s a point of contention even during casual conversations because of its association with power, status, security, freedom, and autonomy, topics that can easily pinch our values.   Money is emotional Money shaped a lot of our childhoods (growing up with humble surroundings versus with privilege), contributing to our values and beliefs as adults.  How do you perceive someone who has more or less than you?  How do you want to be perceived?  Who earns more? Who earns less? How does that affect shared financial decisions?  Spender or saver?  Invest in the future or enjoy life in the present?  Possessions or experiences?  Would you lend money to friends and/or family? If so, how much? If not, why?  Tipping etiquette?  Current debt Credit cards, lines of credit, student loans, auto loans, medical bills, tax debt, monies owed to friends and/or family, gambling debt, mortgages, unpaid parking tickets, failed business debts etc.   I highly recommend putting everything out on the table before you get married.  It’s a very vulnerable process to go through because there’s fear of being criticized by your partner. Someone with a ton of debt can be perceived as irresponsible, careless, lacking discipline and self-control. It can also uncover some bad habits that someone wants to hide (uncontrolled retail therapy, gambling addiction, online gaming debt etc.)  It’s can be daunting to share this with your partner but think of it like ripping off a bandaid.  Once you’re both on the same page, it’s easier to come up with a plan for how to pay off the debt. It could be an opportunity to work as a team, leveraging on each others’ strengths and abilities.  It’s better to know this information before you start sharing your life together as a married couple.

Kids or no kids? That is the question.  Without a doubt, both of you have to see eye to eye on this question because it’s not like you can turn back time or get a refund.  If you are on polar ends with your partner… And neither of you are willing to budge, there is no give or take.  Once you decide what to do, it’s almost certain that one of you will resent the other; it creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. It’s a catch 22.  If you decide not to have children, the resentment builds as you watch friends and peers start families.   If you decide to have children, the resentment builds as you see your childless friends go on adventures and spend their time effortlessly without the parenting responsibility.  It will pull you guys apart and it’s just not worth dragging a child through the mess.  If you both don’t want kids… Then that’s it, simple and easy.   If you both want kids…Then it depends on when and how.  When do you want to have them?  Do you want to have biological children? How open are you to fertility treatments if necessary?  How open are you to adoption?  In terms of how many children, that can be discussed after you’ve had one. It’s fine if you currently disagree on the number because once you become parents, you’ll have a better idea of whether more kids are in the picture.  If one or both of you are uncertain… It can be tough to have a definitive answer about kids if it’s something you or your partner haven’t thought deeply about.   From social pressures to the fear of losing your independence, check out my “Ultimate Guide To Deciding Whether You Should Have Kids” to help you make a decision.

What solidified that they were "The One"    Brian: You just knew. This one is a secret.   Katharine: He met everything that I needed, wanted and deserved in a life partner. We had many similar values and beliefs around family and money. I was attracted to his confident, ambitious, open-minded, and extroverted personality. He's a dreamer who likes to think big, a natural entrepreneur who pushes boundaries and isn't afraid to try new things.  And if this were a romantic comedy, there was an actual moment I knew he was "The One.". We were sharing a croissant in Paris and had been dating for about 8 or 9 months. It's a feeling I got that surpasses that exciting "all over each other" phase, that it was no longer lust and novelty but rather something deeper. We were in France for my friend's wedding and I remember someone referred to him as my husband; I didn't bat an eye. It didn't scare me. It felt right. And that's when I knew.     What is your best piece of advice for those using online dating to find their special person?      Brian: My best advice for online dating is to be open-minded. Give everyone a chance to shine and spark joy. Some people are more photogenic than others so definitely don't rule out average photos. You have to meet up in person afterwards. Send maybe a maximum of 2-3 messages. Most communication is face-to-face and nothing can substitute that.     Katharine: Using online dating apps and sites are great platforms to meet people. However, an increased number of options also comes with the burden of choice and making the decision to meet up with someone can be difficult. You can't be too picky and you can't have zero standards. It's also hard to keep trying when it doesn't work out. It's like there's potential and then there's too much potential.      As much as I love Vancouver, the dating scene is tough, almost impossible to meet people. When I was dating, I experienced all the challenges, from getting ghosted to catfished to random dudes who never did anything except text and then would get cold feet when I'd mention meeting up. So I was pretty frustrated but didn't give up. I sat down and really reflected on who I was and what I was looking for. I came up with a checklist. It comes down to really understanding yourself, what you need, want and deserve in a life partner. I met Brian a few months later.   Therefore, having met my husband in this city, I know it is possible to find love here and I want to help others do the same. So I decided to publish a book about it called, "A Brutally Honest Dating Guide" and it provides readers with real and raw advice about modern online dating.

When someone tells me I'm doing a good job or that I look great, I get uncomfortable. My first instinct is to downplay, then deny and then think of a compliment about the other person, deflecting the attention off of me.  And then when I compliment, it's the most insincere thing. It comes across like I'm just saying something good about the other person for the sake of removing their focus on me.   When this happens, I can feel my Western and Eastern upbringings go at it, battling inside of me, trying to convince me to do the "right" thing.   What is the "right" thing to do? It depends on your culture and what you value.   For me, deflecting and starting compliment battles are part of how I was raised. I remember my mom downplaying her efforts while everyone told her that she did a wonderful job raising her daughters. She really did a fucking amazing job.   Growing up as an Asian Canadian (Specifically, Chinese), it's disrespectful to confidently accept a compliment without saying something nice about the person complimenting you.  You have to deny their comments as though you aren't as good as they say you are, that they are better and you don’t deserve their kind words. And I struggle to embrace this part of my culture because it makes complimenting a disingenuous process.  Is the person saying something nice to me because they’re fishing for compliments, wanting to start a compliment battle? Or is the person being real with me, wanting me to know I am doing well?   In Western society, it can rub someone the wrong way if you reject their kind words; authenticity is absolutely valued. Compliment battles aren't socially acceptable. People just want you to accept their compliment, validate their words and feel good about sharing their positive thoughts. And personally, this aligns more with how I think and feel despite being conditioned otherwise.    As women, we need to stop talking down about ourselves and other women and really be proud of who we are and what we've accomplished. Men can do that with ease, why can't women? We need to rise up and be empowered in our strengths, owning every awesome thing about who we are.  So here are my tips on how to give authentic compliments and how to receive them properly.   3 tips for how to give proper compliments: Start with You instead of I.  Compliment right away when you see something good. Don’t use someone else’s compliment as a prompt. Don’t give credit to someone else in the compliment. Don’t question the person’s authenticity, skill, style, vibe, character, experience, personality, values, beliefs, priorities..etc.    3 tips for how to properly receive compliments: Simple response that’s easy to remember, “Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.” Don’t downplay or doubt yourself. Don’t question their intent. They’re saying something nice because they want you to know. Don’t one-up their compliment. Don’t compliment battle.

What do you want to do with your life? Isn't that a loaded question?   Self-discovery Exercise: What you’re good at doing versus what you love doing    What are you damn good at? What’s a skill that you have that you always get praised for?   What do you love talking about? If you could play God and control a social situation so that people talk about a certain topic, what topic would that be?  Find your space in the Venn where those two things eclipse. That's your sweet spot.

Ever feel like life is going by and you're just sitting there watching it?  You do things to get through the day, check the boxes and complete the tasks.  And then one day, it hits you and you're sick and tired of the routine and you feel like a mindless mess that's running on autopilot.   Things need to get done, especially when you have kids and you're running a household. It's a tight ship that needs its Captain to steer. There is little time to dwell, to stop and reflect, to take a break.    I get this. I'm a mother of 2. I work full-time and I barely have 2 minutes to pause and smell the roses, to appreciate the simple things.   Yes, I know it's the little things that we should savour, not take for granted so that we can experience true joy. But how can we appreciate those simple things when it's the big things we worry about?

Tigertail is a 2020 American drama film written and directed by Alan Yang  Here are my two cents about the film.  What were your initial thoughts of the film and first reaction(s) to seeing the trailer?  What attempt does writer/director Alan Yang get “right” in this film that other filmmakers haven’t been able to do for mainstream audiences before?  Did this help you understand your parents better?  If so, how. Any specific scene that stood out? What is the number one thing you wish non-Asians would understand about the Asian immigration experience?  What is the biggest takeaway overall for you personally?

As we age, we tend to know ourselves better, what gives us pain, what gives us pleasure. But when we know ourselves more, it can also make us narrow-minded, preventing us from trying new things. It can also limit our desire to learn and grow.  How can we balance our increased self-awareness with a decreased desire to learn and grow? We need to continually challenge ourselves well beyond "old age". By adopting a health mindset, we can remove the cap on self-awareness and take control of our destiny and where life leads us. We need to be mindful when we experience the nocebo effect, which is the belief that we have little to no control over what happens to our minds, bodies and spirit. It's been shown where patients who had an illness mindset where they didn't believe treatments would work, the treatments were more likely not to work. It goes with how we live our lives. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Have insecurities? Scared to be yourself? Worried about what others think of you? Or may think of you if you were to be real with them? You're not alone which means most people are too busy thinking about themselves to pay attention to you. So be authentic to who you are, let yourself shine because you might just inspire someone else to. Most people are their own worst critics. Just watch people as they walk by a mirror in a clothing store. ⁣ ⁣ Who do they look at? Themselves. ⁣ ⁣ So if you're afraid of how someone thinks of you...they're probably thinking the same thing. ⁣ ⁣ And when you let your true self shine...you'll attract those who relate to you. ⁣ ⁣ And those who don't will keep staring at themselves in the mirror.⁣  Never assume someone’s insecurities. A person who is quiet doesn’t mean they are insecure about socializing. A person who is overweight doesn’t mean they are insecure about their body image.  A person who has a low salary doesn’t mean they are insecure about their finances Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

The other day, I was picking up my daughter from my parents when I get an email from Medium saying that I made a bit of money last month from writing.  Holy shit! The Medium Writers Program pays if your stuff gets read. So, the better writer you are, the more money you get paid. So I had a moment of self-validation. People want to pay for my writing! I was incredibly proud of myself. It wasn't a lot of money but still...I was happy about it. So when I entered my parents' house, I wanted to share with them my joy. I was prepared for their unimpressed response...well at least I thought so. I whip out my phone and show my mom the numbers. Her response, "That's not even enough to pay for groceries..barely a meal. This is how you think you'll make a living?" When your Asian parents emotionally invalidate you...you don't take that shit to heart man. You take it in, embrace the moment and tell the whole fucking world about it. You make a vow to respond differently to your kids, holding yourself accountable by emailing the people who support you about it. So from the bottom of my broken heart (cue Britney)...it would mean the world to me if we could prove my mom wrong. Prove to her that I am a decent writer and I can eventually use the money I earn to take her out for Dim Sim...or lobster or pay for her Yoga pass. And you can help me by getting a copy of my new book, coincidently titled, "How To Deal With Asian Parents" (Yes, I still struggle with them even though I wrote the book...work in progress). Even if you can't support it or you don't resonate with the messages because you have a wonderful relationship with your parents...you could share it with a friend :) On Amazon now: eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0855NGS8Z  Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0857C16ZK Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

You tell your friend about the KETO diet you're on, the workout you're doing, the meditation app you're using...they still haven't lost the weight, they're still anxious and stressed. One day, she comes and visits you and she's as happy as a clam, and lost all the weight she wanted. Then she starts raving about how she finally listened to someone else's advice. How do you feel? Sometimes people need to hear the same piece of advice from many different voices before the right one gets through to them.  Don’t take it personally if it’s not yours. What REALLY matters is that the person you care about has made a change in their lives and they're better because of it. They're now happier, healthier and/or wealthier and it aligns with you believe in. Be grateful for their newfound life and support them through their transformation. They'll be there when you need it. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Growing up, I used chopsticks for pretty much every meal I ate. It's because all I ate was Chinese food.⁣ ⁣ Fast forward... ⁣ ⁣ having moved out, got married, had the kids...I've realized I don't use chopsticks that often. ⁣ ⁣ Spoon, forks and knives fill our dishwasher every week as my daughter keeps asking me to teach her how to use chopsticks. ⁣ ⁣ I've been procrastinating teaching her because I don't want to make a mess and I've never been the perfect chopsticks holder. ⁣ ⁣ A part of me is like...eventually she'll have to learn when she goes out with her friends for dimsum or whatever...she'll just pick it up herself.⁣ ⁣ Also, I'm secretly hoping my parents will just do it for me.⁣ ⁣ But then I'm like, "I should just buckle down and teach her"⁣ ⁣ Blargh...I'll keep y'all posted. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

It's normal to tell our kids what to do. It's part of being a parent. We start off as dictators, then as teachers and instructors, then as guides, mentors and peers. If we stay in one role forever, we'll never learn to let go and allow our kids to be the teachers and guides the world needs. Don't put your finger in the electrical outlet. ⁣ Don't forget to wash your hands⁣ Brush your teeth⁣ Do your homework⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ Apples are on sale⁣ I heard that company is hiring⁣ Farmer's markets are a great place to take a date⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ Cake for breakfast won't hurt your kid⁣ They can watch all the TV at grandma's house⁣ Stop working so much and enjoy life Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Sorry for talking about my successes Sorry for almost bumping into you Sorry for gossiping about you Sorry for being a toxic friend Why do we apologize when we haven't done anything wrong but when we have, our egos get in the way and we forget those words? Saying sorry needs to be meaningful. When we keep saying it for the wrong reasons, it loses the effect it has on people to forgive.⁣ ⁣ When's the last time you really apologized and meant it?⁣  Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

What does security mean to me?  When someone is secure with themselves, they'll exhibit these 6 signs. These are behaviours that I am currently striving for and I hope they'll inspire you to think deeply about.  It's hard for anyone to be completely secure with themselves but once we know what to aim for, it's easier to set goals, create plans and develop habits to change. We can overcome and/or manage our insecurities by defining what security means for us.  Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

When you see someone who is "uglier", "fatter", "dumber" and/or "less talented" than you, doing what you want to do...do you think, "I can do better." Go do it! Only those who can prove themselves are actually better.  Are you in the audience booing, whining, and complaining?⁣ ⁣ Or are you centre stage, performing, being vulnerable and REALLY showing the world your authentic self?⁣ ⁣ Get raw, get real, get hurt⁣ ⁣ Roll with the punches, get back up, lick your wounds⁣ ⁣ Your true fans will be there.⁣ ⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

I just learned about sensory seeking versus sensory sensitive. I have a bit of both but more on the sensory seeking side. I hate wearing shoes, don't notice when I my clothes are disheveled, aren't too bothered by smells. But I hate loud noises. What about you? This was something that came across my social media feeds and it's for parents who are trying to understand their kids.⁣ However, I also found it helpful for myself. ⁣ We all know we have 5 senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch.⁣ ⁣ Sensory seeking includes:⁣ You like to hug and touch people⁣ You've been told you don't know what personal space is⁣ You talk loudly⁣ You enjoy noise and loud environments⁣ You have a high tolerance for pain⁣ ⁣ Sensory sensitive include:⁣ You don't like like to hug or touch people⁣ You avoid crowds⁣ You prefer quiet environments⁣ You don't like tight or itchy clothing⁣ ⁣ Some of us tend to be sensory seeking and some of us tend to be sensory sensitive.⁣ ⁣ When you know which type you are, you can create an environment that is optimal for you to function. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

I cringe at the thought of telling my parents about my mental health issues...but I can easily tweet to the world about my history of depression and disordered eating.⁣ Strangers allow us to have fleeting moments to be bold. But we need to show vulnerability in the relationships that we value in order for us to build lasting courage. We’ve become so insecure about our flaws that the fear of judgement from those we “trust” has forced us to overshare with those we don’t “trust” at all. Divulging secrets to a stranger won’t create a real connection. It’s a one-time thing, an authentic fling. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Whether you're deciding to switch jobs, start your life with someone, move across the country...You will only experience one choice. Think of the decisions you've made in the past and how each of them led to something else.⁣ ⁣Then make a decision. There are no right or wrong life decisions...regret is for those who can't learn from the past.⁣ During life changes like getting married, getting divorced, starting a relationship, ending one, leaving a job, starting one, moving to a new city...you get to see the true colours of people. It's like a litmus test for filtering out the authentic relationships from the inauthentic ones. Be bold! Be brave! Make those scary life decisions. ⁣ ⁣Those who support you and want you to shine will be there, cheering you on. ⁣ ⁣Those who can't stay for your metamorphosis are only holding you back.⁣ ⁣You do you and your true tribe will appear.⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

⁣I don't want to see my kids struggle bc every negative feeling they feel, I feel it 10x more. ⁣ But letting them face the big, ugly world will allow me to also feel their sense of accomplishment and joy 100x more. ⁣ And this difference gives me courage to let go. Push...pull...push...pull⁣ You want them to grow up but you also want them to stay the same.⁣ Parenthood is a funny thing. You can't live your life through your children but you have to consider them for every decision you make.⁣ And then comes a time you don't have to consider them at all. Parenthood is simultaneously experiencing the oxymorons of feelings. You feel happily sad when they need you less.  You feel uncertainly certain about every decision. You want to spend as much and as little time with them.  Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Let’s get comfortable talking about our vaginas, breaking through taboos and redefining how we think about women’s health Vagina. Kegels. Vulva. Clitoris. Labia. Female genitalia. How do you feel when you hear these words? Skirmish? Icky? Giggly? Growing up as an Asian Canadian Growing up as an Asian Canadian, talking about vaginas wasn’t exactly a dinner table topic. It was a word used in textbooks, by the school nurse, the family doctor and maybe it was heard in that episode of Sex and The City if your parents somehow had HBO and let you watch TV past 8 pm. I still remember the first time I got my period. My mom opened up a pad, quickly demonstrated how to put it on, then closed the pad up, just like the conversation. No talk about hormones, what menstruation was, and obviously, nothing about the emotional cycles associated with a monthly period.

What do new moms really need to hear during those first months with their newborns? When a baby is born, a mother is also born. Some people may not realize this because all they focus on is the baby. We can’t blame them since babies are the epitome of joy. They symbolize hope, purity, faith, innocence, the future and all the gooey stuff in between. Their adorable little cheeks, tiny little fingers and toes can soften any heart. They have an entire life ahead of them, untainted by the realities of humanity. However, at the same time, the woman who carried the cherub is also beginning a new journey called motherhood. And that can be daunting, exciting, scary, thrilling and emotional all at the same time. As I’m writing this, I’m in postpartum recovery after giving birth to my second child. Having just done it all over again makes me self-reflect on what I would have loved to hear when I first became a mom. So I came up with a list of empowering tips that hopefully new moms would find value in. From one mother to another, please take my words to heart especially during the vulnerable first couple of months. You won’t know everything. No new mom ever does. However, you have the right to ask or refuse help, to cry as much or as little as you want, to take as long or as little as you need to heal, and to hold your baby as much or as little as you want. And those who try to impose their own expectations for your baby without considering you first don’t have your best interests at heart. Because the mother-baby bond doesn’t end when the umbilical cord is cut. Both of them are sharing a new adventure, learning and growing together. Here are 7 empowering pieces of advice every new mom needs to hear.

Some decisions are hard to make and some are easy. Making a decision like, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” may be easy for someone and hard for someone else. When I was in my early 20’s, some of the simplest decisions would stress me out. There were days when I couldn’t decide if I should wear blue, black or gray pants because I honestly thought wearing the wrong colour would ruin my day. Deciding what to eat would often take hours because my head would go into overdrive, weighing all the options, taking into consideration my diet, my cravings, my budget, what I have or haven’t tried, what’s trending, “what was that place my friend recommended again?”, “let me check Yelp” and so forth. The luxury of having all these choices was actually a burden for me. *Cough*…“First World Problems”. But then as I got older and the more I knew myself, those decisions failed to stress me out. Indecisiveness isn’t a natural trait of mine but during those years, I let what everyone else was doing influence my decision-making skills and I wasn’t being true to myself.

I have a full-time day job. I’m a mom. I’m a blogger. I have a lot of things going on.  It can be overwhelming and almost every month, I reach a breaking point. But somehow, I manage to get myself together, patch up those loose seams and carry on. Last summer, I became fed up with that cycle so I asked myself, “What can I do to minimize the build-up so that the breaking points don’t happen?” Every day, we are exposed to constant streams of information within access to our fingertips, telling us about the magical ways to live happier, healthier and wealthier. We can’t do everything and we shouldn’t do just anything but we can’t do nothing; therefore, I think it’s important to put a critical lens on all that information and reflect on what actually works for us. I began thinking about all the self-improvement information that I’ve gathered from workshops, conferences, Ted Talks, podcasts, conversations with friends, co-workers, and family, random articles/videos in my social media feeds etc. And I distilled all this information into 3 realistic and meaningful practices that I can actually do for myself almost every day. Since following them, I feel like I’ve been more grounded. I hope sharing my self-care practices will inspire you to wade through that information overflow and filter what resonates with you to help maintain a sense of calm in the sometimes chaotic mess called life. Also, I’m curious to read this in the future to see how I have evolved. Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert so please consult your physician before following any of this blindly. Be smart about it, ya know?

Does the word therapy still relate to"crazy people"? Like, "Wow, there must be something seriously wrong with you!"   When I was growing up, the idea of getting help for your mental health was rarely talked about. And when it was discussed, it was usually about a Hong Kong celebrity going to rehab. I'm an Asian mom and I do therapy.  Here are my 3 aha moments/lessons learned during my first session. Asians shouldn't suffer in silence. Mental health matters.  https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE REMEMBER to sign up for FREE self-improvement downloads:  Dating secrets checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship   31-page ebook in how to improve your relationship with your parent  Self-reflection exercise worksheets And more

Have you ever seen someone on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media channel detail their entire divorce or break-up for the world to see? He said/She said. Or do you know someone who only talks about how horrible their life is going? Every time you meet up with them, it's like, "I wonder what shitty thing they're going through today?" I was thinking about oversharing the other day while working on my new eBook, "A Brutally Honest Dating Guide." I was writing the Chapter on How To Have A Great Date and going into detail about being authentic. Then it hit me, "How can someone be authentic enough without sharing their life story and scaring the shit out of the other person?" There’s a fine balance between under and oversharing.  You don’t want the other person to come out of the date not knowing a single thing about you. If you give short, generic responses, the other person may think you’ve got something to hide, that you’re closed off and untrusting of others. They won’t want to share with you, and you can’t build trust with them. You need to show your personality and provide enough substance for them to be interested in you.  If you give too much, it can alienate the other person and make them feel uncomfortable with the amount of private information you’re revealing to them. So how do you be authentic without oversharing? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

It's easy to go through the motions of life. The sun rises. The sun sets. Another day. Another night. Rinse and repeat.⁣ ⁣ I'm guilty of this. There's just so much to do every day. But instead of measuring our productivity and effectiveness by the number of tasks we've completed, let's measure it by how we are, how we feel, how we present instead⁣. So instead of to-do lists, you should create this instead. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

What do you do when you have an issue with someone? Sometimes, it's hard to decide what to do. In this video, I share with you the 4 options you can take when you experience interpersonal conflict. 2 options involve the other person and 2 options involve yourself only. 1. Fight: Have an open and honest discussion with the other person. 2. Flight: Cut the person out of your life. 3. Passive aggression: I don't like you but I'll keep hanging out with you. 4. Acceptance: Accepting the person for who they are How do you deal with interpersonal conflict? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

We all have the same 24 hours in a day.⁣ ⁣ What you do with those hours and how you prioritize your time make the difference between someone who gets sh*t done and someone who doesn't do sh*t.⁣ ⁣ Which one are you?⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Growing up, I was the nerdy, Asian kid who studied on Friday nights, went to Chinese school on Saturday mornings, practiced piano every day after school.⁣ ⁣ I was on a mission. ⁣ ⁣ Yeah, it sucked not getting invited to parties, not being popular, getting teased for wearing hand me downs, having to play by myself during recess or lunch when my only friend was away or sick. ⁣ ⁣HOWEVER, I'm grateful my mom didn't step in to fight those battles for me because during those moments of being alone and feeling left out gave me the skills to deal with adversity as an adult. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

When you see someone you perceive is struggling...how do you feel?⁣ ⁣ It's a natural instinct to offer help. We don't want to watch others suffer. ⁣ ⁣ From offering unsolicited advice, money, visiting without being asked etc...if the person receiving it refuses, how do you feel? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

As an introvert, I enjoy silence (or some light jazz), being by myself with my thoughts, working alone and one on one conversations.⁣ ⁣ But when I'm in a group, I've noticed that when conversations lull, I'll try to think of something to ask or talk about. ⁣ ⁣ Why do I do it? What's wrong with silence?⁣ ⁣ This year, I'm going to work on being more myself in social situations. I enjoy silence by myself. Why not in a group as well? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Do you ever feel like a warm body at your parents whenever you go see them? Relationship building with our Asian parents is tough When you have high expectations...you risk feeling disappointed for not getting what you put in. When you have low expectations...you risk feeling guilty for not doing enough. How can we feel neither disappointed nor guilty? Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

You like pizza more than pasta?⁣ ⁣ I hate you and I'm never going to understand you.⁣ ⁣ OK so there are obviously bigger issues people disagree on. But if we all treated them like a pizza versus pasta conversation, how would that change society?⁣ ⁣ Maybe we'd realize why pizza is so important to them enough to develop empathy?⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Here is a truth about humans: those who are hard on others are harder on themselves. Ever met someone who is never impressed, constantly disappointed in others and sets unattainable expectations?⁣ ⁣ They look for flaws before beauty.⁣ They look for what went wrong before what went right.⁣ ⁣ It's not personal. They do that to themselves every day. Don't let their negative paradigm affect what you see in the world. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

When I'm not in a good mood, my appearance reflects that. Making myself look presentable isn't actually for other people. It's for myself.⁣ ⁣ The other day, my daughter was watching me put mascara on and asked me why I was doing it. ⁣ ⁣ Instead of telling her it's because it makes my eyes bigger or prettier or more awake looking...⁣ ⁣ I told her, I enjoy putting it on like it's art...just like when she draws doodles on scratch paper. I also want to share this art with people I will see later on because it makes me feel good. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

If all fleeps are flops and all flops are flips...are all fleeps flips?⁣ ⁣ Oh god I always hated those IQ test questions⁣ ⁣ Dichotomy, yes or no, good or bad, black or white.⁣ ⁣ Are we computers or robots? I thought we were humans.⁣ ⁣ Being open-minded comes with experience but only if you don't view those experiences as a one size fits all.⁣ ⁣ Lost a fortune investing in stocks? Got your heartbroken trying to meet someone using a dating app? Hated breastfeeding? ⁣ ⁣ It doesn't mean everyone is going to have the same outcome as you. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

From baby boomers to Generations x, y, z. The older generations think millennials need to stop getting so offended so easily. Millennials think the older generations need to open up and stop holding things in. No matter what age, gender, socioeconomic status someone is, there will always be differences in opinions.  How can we find the balance between getting too offended and not getting offended enough?⁣ ⁣ I don't think there is. ⁣ ⁣ It's about appreciating and understanding why someone may have those beliefs, that people have different levels of empathy and self-awareness to be able to communicate their feelings properly when they are offended or have offended others.⁣ Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Facing your fears exercise worksheet Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice 4-day video series course and checklist  23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Two important life lessons I learned from spending an hour at the local Starbucks with my dad. A Chinese Canadian story that crosses 4 generations, spanning from Hong Kong to Canada. It’s Friday morning and I’m at my parents’ house working on my blog. My dad’s downstairs doing his thing. My dad’s a routine guy. Every Friday, he wakes up at the crack of dawn, has a small bite to eat (usually oatmeal or bread), goes on the treadmill while watching the Chinese morning news, takes a shower, drops a deuce, heads out for coffee, comes home to grab my mom to have dim sum and buy groceries. Like clockwork… He’s the early bird and my mom’s the night owl. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or the fact that I’m having a son…but that day, I felt a need to get to know my dad. So I decided to ask him if I could join him for coffee. Well, that probably sounds easy if your dad’s frickin’ Danny Tanner. ***HUGS*** My dad and I are like oil and water. Deciding to emulsify that relationship gave me all sorts of anxiety. “How should I ask him? What should I say?” “When should I ask? Before his shower? After his shower? While he’s on the treadmill? When he’s about to go out?” I’m a grown-ass woman who is secure with her feelings, shows vulnerability and asks for what she wants; however, when it comes to my parents, I still struggle, reverting back to a teenaged version of myself. Instead of saying, “Dad, I want to spend some time with you. Let’s go for coffee.” I ask him, “Where are you going for coffee? I haven’t had mine yet. Can I come with you to get it?”

During my pregnancies, people said the weirdest things to me. I came up with a list. I get it! Pregnant women get attention. They’re signs of hope and the future, restoring faith in humanity. With that attention comes people who say the darndest things. You see her burgeoning belly, her waddle, her loose, comfortable clothing. She’s carrying a miracle inside her! She’s growing a human. She’s a glowing figure of the future, bringing a bundle of joy to the world. You want to say something, to ask, to probe, to feed your excitement and curiosity. But before you utter a single word, remember she’s a person, not a receptacle. I'm writing this during the last few days of my second pregnancy. The wounds are fresh and the hormones are raging so I hope you enjoy my sarcastic and snarky remarks. Here are 6 things you should not say to a pregnant woman.

Have you ever felt the urge to cry but stopped yourself? I have. But then I take a breath and just let the tears roll. It’s healthy and cathartic to cry. Don’t ever let anyone judge for doing so. I've always struggled to cry, not because I can't but because I still have this weird sense that it's embarrassing to do so.⁣ ⁣ My brain tells me it's okay and I don't care about what others think when they see me cry. But when I feel that lump in my throat, I just can't let it go naturally.⁣ ⁣ Eventually, I'll get there. Tag someone who would resonate Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

My husband and I love food. We cook 90% of our meals at home. Cooking is such a cathartic experience for me.  From searching for deals in the flyers (ooh kabocha is on sale) to watching my daughter sing her yummy song while munching on her favourite pork side ribs with black bean sauce...the whole process makes me proud to be Chinese-Canadian.   What makes you proud? Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

When a friend shares a vulnerable story with you, how do you react? ⁣ ⁣ When you share a vulnerable story with a friend, how would you want your friend to react?⁣ ⁣ This reaction is different for everyone. Some people want a sounding board. Some people want your presence.⁣ Some people want a hug.⁣ Some people want a fulsome discussion.⁣ ⁣ How do you want to be comforted? Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Do you care about brands and accumulating stuff? Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Learning the art of the apology can go a long way with someone, deepening the connection you have with them.⁣ ⁣ Some folks want just the words, "I'm sorry."⁣ ⁣ Some folks want the words and what you did, "I'm sorry for...."⁣ ⁣ And lastly, some folks want the words, what you did and what you're going to do about it, "I'm sorry for....next time I'm going to try..."⁣ ⁣ Ask the person closest to you what they like in an apology. Then when you upset them, you'll know what to do. Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Overcoming perfectionism is an ongoing recovery. For those like myself who suffer from this tendency, it’s about constantly reminding yourself that doing things perfectly won’t make you valued. Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-page ebook on how to improve your relationship with your parents  Free Self-Improvement Resources ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥ Let's CONNECT!  ♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/SumOnSleeve ♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SumOnSleeve

Why shouldn't our kids know how much things cost and how much money we make? ⁣ They're going to need to know these things eventually. Why not teach them now?⁣ Money shouldn’t be a taboo topic.  My parents came here with one purpose: to SURVIVE and raise their kids so they could have better opportunities than them As a family, we knew we couldn’t just spend money on frivolous things. My dad constantly told me about RRSPs, how much his paycheck went into the mortgage and when and how he’s gonna retire.  My mom was the coupon queen and told us when gas and eggs were cheap, explained how much her paycheck went into our extracurricular activities and always told me to know how to take care of myself financially. Tag someone who can relate to this⁣ Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below :) https://www.sumonsleeve.com Sign up for free Self-improvement downloads: https://bit.ly/2FBcAlE Self-reflection exercise worksheets Dating advice checklist 23-page ebook on how to have a healthy romantic relationship 31-pa