YOLO, life is short, carpe diem...
Have you ever thought about your death? What would happen if you were to leave earth at this moment? Or at a time when you weren't ready? When you had no time to prepare?
It can be a dark and difficult concept for some to ponder about. We have unfinished business, regrets, loose ends...things we want to experience, things we want to conquer, things we want to learn, things we want to explore...
We need to exist in order for those things to happen and our existence is based on us living right? So when we die, none of that can happen. And it's scary, knowing what we've left behind, messes, unspoken words, apologies not given, apologies not accepted, relationships not started, not mended, ventures not begun...etc
Just like that old piece of bread in the back of your fridge, mould grows, eats away at the crusts, the soft white becomes a grey and green fuzz...and slowly it decomposes and becomes part of your compost, feeding other plants and life.
For many, it's only when we lose someone close or someone we've revered that we reflect on our own mortality.
However, as a kid, I thought a lot about death. I'm not sure if this is common with other Asian-Canadian Millennials who were overachieving perfectionists, struggling to find a place in the world to identify with and battled with depression and self-harm.
Nonetheless, recently, I started thinking about my mortality and how becoming a blogger/content creator has made me fear death a little less.
Can our purpose and passion carry on without our existence?
Everything that I've written, created, said, recorded in all my platforms (videos, podcasts, blogs, books, courses...etc) has been true to me. I have been as authentic in this medium that I have ever been in my life. And that is a strong statement. Every word, sentence, paragraph I have stated is what I believe in, aligns with my values and priorities. And when I express these opinions, it holds me accountable. One of my core values is walking the talk. I am not fronting. I hate fake people. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't give you advice if I haven't followed it myself.
Knowing all of this is available on this online permanent record for my children and their children etc...gives me comfort, that I am leaving behind a somewhat legacy for them to get to know me, who I am, what I am about, my history, life lessons, stories from me and my parents and grandparents.
The only person who can REALLY hold you accountable is yourself and when I watch or read my stuff, it motivates me to keep going. The more I put down that is authentic, the more the next generation can know what I am about.
There may be times when I tell myself that I haven't been practicing what I preach. That's the time when I have to reflect on what's going on in my life. Has something changed? What's different? And then I can write more about that.
I know as I get older, my mind might change...I may feel differently about a topic 10 years from now...but having the insight and record for how that's changed will give me the context to communicate that to my children (and their children) and so forth.