Sum On Sleeve Podcast
By Katharine Chan
13 Beliefs I Stopped Holding. But They Still Haunt Me
All of us know at least a dozen people who do not share all of our beliefs. With over 7 billion of us, there is bound to be conflict. I can agree to disagree on topics like the correct way of hanging toilet paper or whether pineapple is an acceptable pizza topping (it is, btw).
The bottom line is that if the point of contention isn’t something close to my heart, I’m not going to fight over it. I don’t like camping, drinking, online shopping, watching sports or doing anything in the snow. I don’t care if you do and won’t bat an eye if you try to convince me otherwise.
But I can’t stand being around a person who has beliefs that I used to hold. I’ve spent years unlearning and shedding them through painful experiences, growth and adversity. So when I interact with someone who has these old beliefs, I can’t help but feel haunted. Then I’m angry at myself for letting something that I thought I’d grown from affect me.
I’m a recovering perfectionist who is trying to accept her flaws and own her shortcomings. Perfectionism is in my blood; I get upset when I’m not good at embracing my imperfections. It’s like, “Why can’t I be good at forgiving myself? Letting go? Accepting mistakes? Treating myself with compassion?”
In my head, I know certain thoughts and beliefs don’t serve me, that I’ve evolved from my past self. But in my heart, I start questioning how far I’ve actually come. Perhaps I haven’t changed? Perhaps my transformation is back to square one? Perhaps these beliefs still hold me under, drowning me in a sea of insecurities and poor self-esteem.
So I’m writing down a list of old beliefs that I’ve learned to detach from over the past decade. Bringing these to the surface and exposing them to you and the world gives me something tangible to revisit and validate my efforts. Also, reading these out loud makes them seem ridiculous…almost to the brink of satire.
P.S. Check out my new personal growth toolkit! 50 Shadow Work Prompts: A Journal to Uncover Your Hidden Psyche
So Readers, let me know if any of these haunt you as they haunt me.
Sometimes I Wish I Sucked At Listening
Listening is a life skill. Everyone knows that.
We’ve all seen self-help gurus, thought leaders, TED talks, psychologists and the latest news and research share how we should all be listening more than we speak…especially in a society where attention is scarce and distractions are plentiful. Everything seems to be TL;DR.
Listening skills are crucial for developing strong relationships. I mean it’s hard to make friends when you don’t know anything about them. If all you can hear is your voice throughout your interactions, you don’t have a friend…you have a sounding board.
If you told your partner your deepest darkest secret and they didn’t listen…how would you feel?
Or what if you explicitly tell them that you were deathly allergic to shellfish Then they take you to an all-you-can-eat shrimp fest for your birthday…wouldn’t you be inclined to leave them? Or perhaps watching all those true crime documentaries would have you wondering if they might be plotting your murder?
Listening skills are crucial for work. For instance, if all a teacher did was preach and lecture, how would they know their students are learning? If you didn’t listen to a client’s specifications and needs, how well would your business be?
Do you know what can ruin your day? When the waitress doesn’t listen to your order and adds a prawn chowder to your meal.
But the problem is...
So Listeners, are you a good listener? Do you ever feel burdened by your superpower?
Need help processing emotions and writing down your thoughts? Check out my 60 Feelings to Feel: A Journal To Identify Your Emotions
I Became Mortgage-Free at 36 but I'm Not Retired
My parents retired in their 60s.
For over 40 years, they were clocking in and clocking out every single day, from Monday through Friday. They’d rush home, drop us off and pick us up from whatever activities we were in, all the while trying to cook dinner so that it was ready for 3 hungry children.
Then they’d madly clean up and get us to bed so they can relax for an hour before starting all over again. They were like rats chasing their own tails.
Then as their kids grew up and left home, they were finally able to stop working. They now spend their time at leisure, watching shows, going out for dim sum, shopping for groceries…pretty much anything they want.
All this fun for the rest of their lives…at least what is left of it. Old bones, sore joints and bad backs creep into their daily routine. They are tired and easily tired. Their zest for life can be satisfied with a salty MSG-laden snack.
This is what they worked so hard for. Now they’re enjoying the fruits of their labour. When I recently asked my parents about it, they said they wouldn’t have done anything differently. And I absolutely believe them. They really do enjoy doing nothing. They are fulfilled because considering what they know and value about the good life, they really are living it up.
I don’t want to work my ass off for 40-plus years and then enjoy myself for 15 years (maybe 20 years if I’m lucky) before my health starts to deteriorate and my physical abilities become increasingly limited. That’s not how I want my life to be because I grew up in a different time and place than them.
But I’m not them.
P.S. Check out my new personal growth toolkit! 50 Shadow Work Prompts: A Journal to Uncover Your Hidden Psyche
5 Things I Did When My Clients Suddenly Reduced Their Work For Me
Do you know how when you get some bad news, you kinda want to deny it and move on?
One of my biggest clients cut back on their work for me. Then shortly after, another client had budget cuts and told me they no longer needed freelance writers.
So I’ve been trying to find new work.
Have you ever had to bounce back from a setback in your business? What were some things that help you shift your focus?
Need ideas to write about? Check out my 60 Feelings to Feel: A Journal To Identify Your Emotions
Full Transcript here
Why It’s Difficult For Me To Share Good News
When we accomplish a goal, reach a dream, or win a fortune…how do our past and conditions affect the way we share that type of information?
Recently, I’ve been pondering about how we decide to share the good news we have in our lives. From inflation, global warming, an ongoing war and of course, that pesky pandemic we’re still trudging through…the world seems rather quite bleak right now. Good news can uplift others, inspire and even create more kindness in the world.
But for me, when something good happens, I’m reluctant to scream it out loud at the top of my lungs.
Full Transcript here
I Quit My 9–5 Job To Pursue My Side Hustle 6 Months Ago
It’s been almost six months since I left my 9–5 job to become a freelance writer. Here are a few things I’ve experienced so far:
Full Transcript here
I’m Struggling To Balance Writing for Pay Versus Writing for Pleasure
The most common and basic rule about being a successful writer is to keep writing. But since starting my freelance writing journey, my desire to write for pay has slowly taken over my desire to write for pleasure.
Before freelancing, I would sit in front of my laptop and write and write until I ran out of time. Like my son would wake up or I would need to get dinner started. Time would fly by because my writing was merely a hobby.
I wasn’t being asked to write an article because I wanted money for it. I was writing for the sake of writing, putting thoughts and feelings down so that I had an outlet to express myself. I was pumping articles out left, right and centre. I didn’t care about how much time I was spending on writing because I wasn’t worried about the dollar amount tied to it.
Now, since I started making some money doing this, I feel like I only want to write when I’m getting paid to do it.
Full Transcript Here
8 Dreams I’m Holding Onto For Now
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my old dreams so I wrote an entire list that I’ve given up on despite thinking they’ll make me happy. Through that reflection exercise, I realized there are some old ones I’d like to revisit and some new ones I’d like to pursue.
Here are 8 Dreams I’m Holding Onto For Now
Never say never…Full Transcript here
10 Dreams I Stopped Pursuing Even Though I Thought They Would Make Me Happy
Everyone talks about how we need to keep dreaming, set goals, aim high and work hard. Because if you work hard enough, any dream is possible.
Bleh…I don’t think that provides the full picture. Don’t get me wrong, I love to dream, not only when I’m sleeping. I love visualizing the future of what may be.
What will a year from now look like? 5 years? 10 years? 20? 30?
Where will my new freelance endeavour take me?
Will I become rich and famous and get to meet Oprah?
Will space travel really be affordable and I’ll get to be an astronaut?
What will my kids be interested in as careers?
What will life look like when I’m an empty nester?
It keeps me hopeful and gives me something to look forward to whenever I have to wrestle with my toddler son to put his pants on as his shitty diaper flies across the living room and I’m exhausted from the sleepless night before.
But what people don’t talk about is when goals don’t work out and dreams don’t come true. Not because they didn’t try hard enough or because they gave up too soon…but because it wasn’t the right dream, to begin with.
However, they needed to go through that process of setting the goal, being hopeful and ambitious and then slowly realizing that’s not exactly what they want.
Full transcript here
8 Dreams I Had as a Kid That I’ve Given Up On
When I was on maternity with my first child, the monotony of routine allowed me to rediscover my passion for writing. As a kid, I wrote stories upon stories, from true, and untrue, to never being told to. It was a way for me to express myself by making those irrational thoughts into concise words and sentences, especially during that rollercoaster journey of becoming a new mother.
This rediscovery has sparked a career shift, aspiring me to become a writer, a dream I never thought I would pursue. So I started thinking about what other dreams I had as a kid and whether any of them would be something I’d like to pursue today.
So here is a list of 8 dreams I had as a kid that I’ve given up on and why.
Full transcript here
I Was Jealous of the Attention My Parents’ Gave My Eldest Sister Until I Became a Mom
There are three of us: my eldest sister, my middle sister and me. The relationship I have with my eldest sister is like a snow globe; it stays dormant for most of the year but gets shaken up during the holidays.
My childhood memories of her are patchy, most of which were of her babysitting me and holding my hand while we crossed the street. By the time I started kindergarten, she was a pre-teen thinking about what career she wanted to pursue after high school. I was learning my ABCs.
View/Read the full transcript here
Business advice, working mom guilt and leading with passion...an inspirational conversation with Becky Choi of Tummy Warriors
Becky Choi is a Certified Postpartum Corrective Exercise Specialist, and the founder of Tummy Warrior diastasis recti coaching program. Becky is a mom of 2 little ones with a passion for diastasis recti (DR) as she experienced severe DR twice. She helps moms heal their diastasis recti, strengthen their core and improve their health and fitness.
She has been featured on Toronto Sun, CTV, Yahoo Finance and Amazon Kindle. Becky is the author of Diastasis Recti Secrets for New Moms: Proven Methods and Postpartum Exercises for Healing Core Weakness and Weight loss.
Here’s what Becky had to say:
“The biggest challenge, in the beginning, was that I just didn’t know what I really needed to do. I had to figure everything out by myself, know that it will work out and have faith and belief that it will work out for me.
At the time, I only had 100 people following me but everyone starts like that in the beginning. It was hard to grow my social following and juggle my business as a mom. I had to take care of my baby, learn how to run my business and keep working on my fitness recovery journey. How was I going to divide my time to do all these things?
The mindset is very important to your success. You have to think about your vision, destination and what you really want. Don’t aim for something small because it you aim too small, it will take the same amount of effort to reach something big. You might as well as have a big vision because it will pull you and give you enough motivation to keep working on this.
You have to have passion for what you do. If you don’t have passion for what you teach or create and you’re just trying to make money as a goal…it will be very difficult for you to sustain. You might as well get a part-time job.
You have to find something you love and you really think it will be impactful for other people and change their lives. Follow your heart and have a big vision and believe! Right now, all the dots are all over the place but it will straighten out as you walk through these trenches. You will connect these dots in the future. It might be messy but have faith and do lots of mindset work.”
The Negative Effects of East Asian Culture on Female Body Image with Authentic Energy's Jing Fang
In this episode, Authentic Energy founder and Body Confidence Coach Jing Fang and I have an open and honest conversation about how our culture affected how we view our bodies. We dive deep into our postpartum journeys and how challenging it was to see our bodies change after pregnancy.
We compare East Asian media with Western media and how each has a different lens of body image.
We share stories about how our family influenced the way we want to portray ourselves and the shame and honour expectations.
Join us for a heartfelt, casual and inspiring conversation that will help you realize how much our environment affects our body confidence.
Connect with Jing:
♥ INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/AuthenticEnergy
♥ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/AuthenticEnergy
♥ FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/bodyconfidencebuilders
♥ WEBSITE: https://www.authenticenergy.co
How The Pandemic Made Me Stop Wearing My Wedding Ring
After our wedding, I started wearing both my wedding band and the engagement ring. It felt very official like I’m a married woman now. Every morning, like clockwork, I would pop them on my finger before heading for work. I would be typing an email and then I’d look down at my hands and be in awe of my new status.
For years I wore them whenever I went out. I kept wearing them throughout both my pregnancies. But then the pandemic hit and I stopped.
Full Transcript: https://sumonsleeve.com/2021/09/how-the-pandemic-made-me-stop-wearing-my-wedding-ring-3-minute-read.html
How I Stopped Using Sex as a Weapon When We Started Trying For A Baby
As I entered relationships and became sexually active, I would keep a tally of my partner’s good and bad behaviours. For instance, if my partner did something that made me happy, I would be more inclined to have sex because I felt he deserved it. And if he did something that upset me, I would be less inclined because I felt he didn’t deserve it.
Sex became a reward and withholding it became a punishment, creating a power imbalance in the relationship. Unknowingly, I was objectifying my body by using sex as a weapon to get what I want.
This continued throughout my relationships and into my marriage.
“He’s been good all week so I guess we’ll do it.”But then something interesting happened that changed the way I viewed sex.
Full Transcript: https://sumonsleeve.com/2021/08/how-i-stopped-using-sex-as-a-weapon-when-we-started-trying-for-a-baby-5-minute-read.html
As an Asian Woman, Self-Work Means Creating Balance Between Collectivistic Instincts and Individualistic Urges
As I finished school and became a young adult, I noticed many non-Asian peers go on self-discovery journeys.
From travelling the world, exposing themselves to different cultures, jumping from job to job, attending personal development seminars, getting (and becoming) life coaches to reading self-improvement books, they were working on themselves to define who they are.
Their value for personal identity put them in pursuit of purpose and meaning while mine led me down a path of further education and a stable job with a healthy pension.
I couldn’t relate. I was told who I was since the day I was born. I didn’t need to find myself. What I struggled with was finding who I wanted to be.
The self-improvement work I needed to do was to create a balance between the collectivist instincts instilled through my upbringing and the individualistic urges influenced by my environment. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. But the traits of each culture conflicted with one another and pulled my identity apart.
When I became a mother, it challenged me to take a stance. Now that I’m in my parents’ position…what do I want to preserve for the next generation? What values, beliefs and priorities do I want to instill in my kids? How certain am I that who I am is who I want to be?
5 Things I Started Spending More Money on When I Hit My 30’s
I turned 36 earlier this year. It was a simple celebration with my husband, our kids and a very decadent chocolate cake from Whole Foods. It was perfect.
As I made my wish and blew out the single, pink candle, I realized my life had changed quite a bit in the past 5 years. I no longer try to impress people I didn’t care about. I declined events I know I won’t enjoy. Lastly, I stopped spending money on things that didn’t matter to me like new clothes, make-up, heels and drinks.
Instead, with the busyness of motherhood, I’ve started investing more time and effort in cultivating deeper relationships with loved ones. I re-discovered my old hobbies and pastimes like writing, baking and shooting hoops. Lastly, I started spending more money on things I never thought I would. Growing up was about feeling comfortable in my skin. Getting older is about living a life of meaning.
Full Transcript here: https://sumonsleeve.com/2021/08/5-things-i-started-spending-more-money-on-when-i-hit-my-30s-3-minute-read.html
How I Landed My First Freelance Writing Clients as an Introvert
One of the toughest and daunting parts of being a freelance writer is finding work. As an introvert with a touch of social awkwardness, asking people to hire me isn’t exactly my forte.
However, I’m 3 months into my freelance writing journey and so far, getting clients hasn’t been too much of a headache. Here’s how I landed my first clients without getting too far outside my comfort zone.
Full Transcript here
5 Things I Stopped Spending A lot of Money on When I Hit My 30’s
I turned 35 this year and as I reflect on all those years of adulthood, I realized how much money I frivolously spent on things I didn’t care about. Maybe if I didn’t spend that, I would be a millionaire by now?
You know, if I had taken every penny I earned from my part-time job in high school and invested it into Google in 2004 (the year I turned 18 and when it IPO’ed), I would be laughing right now.
However, it doesn’t mean I regret spending that money because my 20’s were a time of discovery and experimentation; succumbing to social pressures and trying to prove myself for external validation were parts of being a young adult.
As I grew up, my lifestyle just naturally shifted and I became more true to myself. My spending reflected that transition. Here are 5 things I’ve stopped spending a lot of money on when I hit my 30’s.
Full Transcript here
Why I Decided To Pursue A Freelance Writing Career
I made a decision earlier this year to start freelancing so that I could leave my 9–5 and focus my time doing what I love. So in the last two months, I’ve been side hustling like there’s no tomorrow.
As I continue this adventure, I’ve realized why freelance writing aligns more with who I am, my values, beliefs, lifestyle and priorities than being an employee. Here’s why.
Full Transcript Here
5 Reasons I Exercise and Eat Well That Aren’t Related To Weight Loss
In my late 20’s, I ended an 8-year long relationship. As part of my healing and recovery, I started digging deep into myself about my toxic habits and behaviours. With less time focused on trying to resuscitate a failing relationship, my mind freed up space to dedicate to myself. I realized how terribly I was treating myself.
It’s an ongoing journey but one of the most important insights I discovered about myself is that in order to be happy, I needed to focus my attention on how I was feeling. Eating well and exercising regularly is not about looking good; it’s about feeling good.
What I look like is the least of my concerns if I’m not happy. Putting my mindset on the right path allowed me to truly appreciate my body where weight loss isn’t the goal but a by-product of the journey.
Here are 5 reasons I exercise and eat well that aren’t related to how I look:
Full Transcript here:
How I Realistically Figured Out My Freelance Writing Rate
Although I’ve been blogging since 2017, I only officially started my freelance writing journey a little over 2 months ago. I’ve dibbled and dabbled with selling books and courses but the amount of money I was making just wasn’t enough for me to leave my 9–5. But most importantly, it was leading me down a path that didn’t align with my passion for writing.
When I made the decision to start freelancing, the first thing I had to do was realistically figure out my rate.
Opposing opinions and methodsSo I Googled “freelance writer rates”. I read every article on the first page of the search results. I mean, who even looks at the second page right? Anyway, I got a slew of opposing opinions and methods.
From charging per word, per page, per hour to the type of work, it was confusing for someone who was just starting out but had been working professionally for over 15 years.
Do I charge as a newbie? Or as an experienced writer? Or somewhere in between?
The range is so wide, it’s almost impossible to choose a rate that I thought was reasonable.
Where do I even start?
Full Transcript: https://sumonsleeve.com/2021/06/how-i-realistically-figured-out-my-freelance-writing-rate-5-minute-read.html
How I Made $3525.71 In My First Two Months As A Freelance Writer
After debunking some serious misconceptions about freelance writing, I started my journey with zero expectations. I don’t regret it for a second as the last 2 months have flown by.
I am doing this as a side gig in addition to my 9–5. Those additional hours have proved to be more rewarding and more meaningful than the 8 that I spend in the office, zoning out in meetings, writing arduous emails, doing small talk with coworkers and eating my lunch at my desk.
I have a firm plan to leave my job so I can pursue this full-time. I’m excited to continue sharing my journey with you, my avid readers, fellow writers and supporters.
Full transcript: https://sumonsleeve.com/2021/06/how-i-made-3525-71-in-my-first-two-months-as-a-freelance-writer-5-minute-read.html
3 Toxic Myths About Body Positivity That I Used To Believe In
Growing up, I struggled to love myself. From social pressures, the media to overly critical family members who constantly compared me to my skinnier peers, I never felt like my body was good enough.
I went on my first diet when I was 8 years old. My plan was to skip breakfast, eat half my lunch and only vegetables for dinner. I failed miserably.
Then as I entered my teen years, I developed an eating disorder that consisted of dangerously restrictive diets, bingeing and purging and extreme workouts. In my young adult years, it became chasing the latest fad diet and buying anything to lose weight. I hated my body and I didn’t know how to love myself from the inside out.
It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I started my recovery journey, completely shifting my mindset and changing how I viewed myself. I stopped yo-yo dieting, emotionally eating, using exercise as punishment whenever I ate a donut and no longer cared about other peoples’ opinions.
Looking back, the part that was driving my desperate desire to lose weight was based on a lack of understanding and awareness about body positivity. This concept didn’t exist during my vulnerable years of adolescence. Without being properly informed, I filled in the gaps with toxic beliefs to feel good in my skin. Here are 3 myths about body positivity that I used to believe in.
Full Transcript here
3 Misconceptions That Discouraged Me From Becoming A Freelance Writer
When I first started blogging in 2017, I had no idea where it was going to lead me. I was a new mom who was working her 9–5 and trying to find some balance at home. Writing became my source of reason and means of therapy.
Jump forward 3 years later and I’m at home on my second maternity leave, changing my son’s poopy diapers. I knew I was going back to my 9–5 but I also knew I didn’t want to do that forever. I wanted to figure out how to turn this hobby into a dream career.
Full Transcript here
My Daughter Called Me Out for Fighting With My Husband
After having a fight with my husband in front of our kids, I wasn’t able to do what my daughter wanted me to. I felt like I was repeating my parents’ behaviour but this incident inspires me to keep trying to be a better person.
Full Transcript Here
Why I Wouldn’t Want To Live The Digital Nomad Lifestyle
Experiencing new cultures and immersing myself in the day-to-day life of people who grew up in a different environment than me is one of my favourite ways to learn and grow. Travelling helps boost my creativity, practice empathy and broadens my horizons.
And when I return home, finishing the adventure allows me to truly appreciate where I live and practice gratitude for the simplest things I have.
But would I do it as a way of life? Like the growing number of digital nomads who work and live remotely in faraway lands?
Nope. Why?
How I Made $3.590.11 By Trading Stocks In 2 Years With No Investing Experience
This article is not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual or on any specific security or investment product. I’m only sharing what worked for me and my opinions. I highly recommended you seek professional advice from someone who is authorized to provide investment advice.
I started with $5000 as an experiment to make $100. How I made $3500 trading stocks with no finance background.
Why I Don’t Expect My Friends And Family To Read What I Write
When I first started blogging, I had no idea who was going to read my stuff. It was a space for me to express myself, put feelings into words and make sense of what was going on for me as a mom.
4 years later, I’ve had distant family members, anonymous strangers, friends of friends, folks I used to go to school with, and old coworkers reach out to me, praising me for what I’ve written. It’s amazing how the power of the Internet and my affinity for words can connect folks across the world from all walks of life.
As part of this writing journey, I’ve noticed that most of the folks who have reached out are higher up on the six degrees of separation. Those who are close to me don’t say much and I actually prefer to keep it that way.
9 Asian Female Stereotypes That Need To Die
I wish this meant I could have both soft and hard tacos but instead it’s experiencing both sexism and racism as an Asian woman. It’s like if I’m not being discriminated against for being a woman, then I’m being discriminated against for being an Asian.
And if it’s not that, there’s a third category where race and gender come together into a mixed bag of shit, from subtle to blatant, the worst of both worlds. And that needs to die.
So here are 9 Asian female stereotypes that need to die:
5 Valuable Life Lessons I Learned From My Exes
I used to believe I needed to scrub clean of my past and start fresh every time I stepped into a new relationship. So when I first started dating my husband, I told him I didn’t want to talk about my past relationships. The past is the past right?
However, I’ve realized the experience and wisdom I gained from being with my exes have not only helped my marriage but taught me so much about myself. Here are 5 valuable life lessons I learned from my exes.
9 Examples of Microaggression I’ve Experienced as an Asian Canadian
I knew I had experienced racism, from being made fun of how I look and what I ate to having someone shout ‘ching chong’ at me while they drove by. Those acts were blatant and obvious.
However, microaggressions are, to say the least, micro. They happen so subtly that after each incident, I would feel confused, unable to pinpoint what I had experienced and what I felt about it.
I didn’t know I was being discriminated against for being Asian because it was unintentional and/or indirect. In addition, the person discriminating against me didn’t know that’s what they were doing.
We don’t know what we don’t know.
That is until now. So here are 9 examples of microaggression I’ve experienced as an Asian.
Why I Started Using Screens At Mealtime
I was really against using screens at mealtime because of everything I know about distracted eating. It prevents them from listening to their bodies, enables unnecessary snacking between meals, and increases their risk of obesity later in life; using screens at mealtimes seems to do more harm than good.
In addition, I’ve personally struggled with emotional eating most of my life and battled an eating disorder when I was a teenager. It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I started treating my body right. Learning to eat mindfully, listening to my body’s hunger and full cues and appreciating food instead of viewing it as an enemy was a significant part of my recovery.
And I want my kids to learn to self-regulate how much they need to eat early on so that they don’t go through what I went through.
But then, one day, in a fit of frustration while struggling to feed my son scrambled eggs, my husband turned the TV on, flipped it to a Cantonese episode of Peppa Pig and within seconds, there were silence and stillness.
5 Stereotypes About The Youngest Child That Aren’t True
Growing up with two older sisters wasn’t easy. From always getting hand-me-down clothes, toys and shoes, playing catch up because I was “never old enough”, having a fraction of the baby pictures that my sisters had, to being called the wrong name too many times to count, being the youngest had its challenges.
Over the years, I’ve realized that although those experiences shaped a part of who I am, they didn’t define my life. My identity is the cumulation of different experiences, not just my experience as the youngest in my family. Like with all psych theories and personality types, it’s never one-size-fits-all. I’m unique, just like everyone else.
Therefore, here are 5 stereotypes about being the youngest child that aren’t true for me:
24 Reasons A Mom Is On Her Phone When She’s Watching Her Kids
From books, calendars, watches, radios, CD players, pedometers, cameras to GPS, the phone has replaced so many things in our lives. It’s incredibly difficult to avoid using our phones. I even use the camera as a mirror sometimes. Therefore, instead of criticizing this mom’s behaviour, I came up with a list of things moms do on their phones when they’re watching their kids.
The Time I Listened To My Child Instead Of Jumping To Conclusions
This was my first taste of my kid keeping something from me because they were scared of my reaction. There will be many more to come as they grow up. I don’t expect the conversations to happen like this every time, especially when they reach the tricky teenage years.
However, I’m going to keep in mind that sometimes, sitting silently with my child gives them the time and space to find their voice. If I wait long enough, suppressing my urge to lecture and discipline, being present, listening without judgment, they might just share that voice with me. And that’s how trust is built.
How I Use My Fears To Stop Procrastinating On My Goals
I’ve discovered something about myself when I procrastinate. I delay things because I’m not scared of the consequences. The immediate gratification of looking at one more cat meme seems like a higher priority than typing up this article. I have rose-coloured glasses that make me feel invincible to the looming chaos.
I realized I need a sense of fear with meaningful and scary consequences that will light a fire under my ass to get me started. It’s kinda like that show Beyond Scared Straight* but instead of having inmates (or in my case, unsuccessful writers who failed miserably because they kept procrastinating) scare me, I’m using my deepest fears to motivate me to work on my goals. Because the best person to hold you accountable is yourself.
So without procrastinating any further, here’s how I use my fears to stop procrastinating.
Why I Changed My Mind About Taking My Husband’s Name
To take or not to take…
“Do or do not. There is no try.”-Yoda
Actually, nowadays, a couple has options when they get married. They can do the hyphen thing. The husband can take the wife’s name. They can change their last name completely by combining their favourite hobbies and becoming The Gardenknits.
Therefore, a woman taking her husband’s name is no longer the social norm. But for most of my life, I believed that was the only option.
When I got married, I was planning to take my husband's name. It's a tradition I thought I valued. But then as time went by, I changed my mind.
Should You Focus On Writing Quality Or Quantity?
The quality versus quantity debate is what tears a writer apart. You want to write a ton but you’re afraid the more you write and faster you get, the quality of your writing declines.
So what should you focus on?
4 Underrated Habits That Helped Me Lose The Baby Weight Not Once But Twice
After giving birth, a mother's body doesn't just magically go back to the way it was. How did I manage to lose the baby weight after 2 kids? Here are 4 habits I adopted.
See: How to Cook So You’ll Actually Eat at Home
See: 5 Food and Cooking Hacks That I Forgot My Mom Taught Me
4 Lessons Learned When I Self-Published 3 Books
Can you make money with self-published books?
It’s been over a year since I self-published 3 books, one about brutally honest dating advice, another about how to deal with Asian parents and lastly, one about how to have a healthy marriage.
Here are 4 lessons that I learned:
What No One Tells You About Being Married To A Realtor
My husband made a career change about 3 years ago. He’s a Chartered Accountant by trade but real estate has been his passion for years. It was one of the reasons we fell in love as we both love Vancouver. When he took the plunge, we had a 2-year-old and was working on expanding our family.
The change affected our marriage, family dynamics, schedules and everything in between. I expected things to be different but there were some things no one told me about.
How I Stopped People-Pleasing And Started Living Life On My Own Terms
From always saying yes, breaking promises with ourselves, sacrificing our values to help someone out, enabling toxic behaviours, keeping silent to prevent hurting someone’s feelings even though they’ve hurt ours, being inauthentic about our true feelings to siding with the majority when we completely disagreed, people-pleasing behaviours come in all forms.
When I reflect back on my life, I’ve had my fair share of trying to get people to like me. Starting in my teen years, it was about doing anything to rise up in the ranks of the high school hierarchy. As one of the few Asian kids in a predominately Caucasian school, I desperately wanted to fit in, to be cool, seeking approval from the popular kids.
Then came the young adult years when it was about having the coolest gadgets, wearing the latest fashion trends, going to the newest restaurants, gossiping, spending frivolously, creating drama, drinking like a fish, and of course, getting attention from men. I cared more about what others thought than what I thought. I valued their opinion of me more than my own. Deep down inside, what I lacked was self-esteem.
Now married with 2 kids and comfortably settled in her mid-30’s, I’ve stopped trying to be someone else, embracing my authentic self and coming into my own. Here are 5
3 Things I Did To Increase My Medium Partner Earnings From $17.08 to $354.79 Per Month
I've written on Medium for years and I never thought my partner earnings would increase to the 3 digits. Here are the 3 things I did to reach this.
Humble beginnings with zero expectationsI’ve been writing on Medium for over 3 years. At first, it started as just another avenue to get folks to read my stuff. I published here and there, not thinking much would happen. I rarely logged in and when I did, I would basically dump a bunch of old blog posts, schedule them out throughout the month and didn’t bother to check who’s read what. I’m a mom of 2 who works full-time so this was merely a place to express myself with zero expectations to make money from this.
Then in July 2019, I was about to hit publish when the platform asked if I wanted to join their Medium Partner Program. I read through what it was and clicked yes. I didn’t think much of it until about a year ago when I published an article titled, “Why People Are Overly Critical And How To Deal With Them.” It was a hit relative to my other pieces.
After that, I started to see a tiny bit of money come in consistently each month; I’m talking enough to buy myself a couple of cups of coffee type of cash. This was the first time I had ever made money doing what I love, writing personal stories and lessons learned to empower folks to talk about their feelings despite growing up in a culture that hid them. I even wrote a short article about what happened when I told my Asian parents about this and how unimpressed they were.
By the time I started making double digits per month, I almost had 100 articles published on Medium. That was when I decided to do three things to see if I could increase my monthly earnings. And boy I was surprised to see what happened.
Why I Was Furious When My Husband Surprised Me With A Break From The Kids
I've heard the stories of wives praising their husbands for surprising them with a break from their kids. However, a break wasn't what I wanted.
I thought I wanted the surpriseI’ve heard the stories of women praising their husbands for surprising them with a day off, taking the kids out and giving their wives a much-deserved break. It’s like that joke about what mothers really want on Mother’s Day: a day to not be a mother, to do whatever they want without the kids.
When I hear these stories, I can sense my blood turn green as envy courses through my veins. This type of surprise sounds like what I need, want and deserve.
How come my husband hadn’t done that for me yet?
How To Move On After Your Story Has Been Rejected
As a writer, it sucks when you get that email saying your article, proposal, or idea wasn't accepted. How do I deal with the rejection so that I can quickly move on and keep writing?
You’ve probably heard the wise saying,
“It’s not a rejection; it’s a redirection.”Okay, sure but it still sucks when you get that email saying your article, proposal, or idea wasn’t accepted. Over 20 different publications have rejected my articles and yet I keep submitting them. The first time my article wasn’t accepted felt the worst but every rejection after that has stung a little less.
It takes a bit of time for me to reel from the burn before I can move forward; however, after experiencing so much rejection, that recovery time has decreased from a couple of hours to mere seconds. When I get that rejection message, here’s exactly what I do to manage my emotions, change my mindset so I can quickly move on.
How My Husband And I Stopped Fighting About Cleaning
Leaving dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, hairs in the shower. How can a couple stop fighting about cleaning and household chores without hiring a cleaner? 6 years and 2 kids later, our system still works.
There are dirty dishes in the sink, building crud-like plaque on teeth that haven’t been brushed for months. The bathroom floor is hairier than Austin Powers’ chest. The basket of laundry sits in the hallway, collecting more dust than a CD player.
What do you do? How do you feel? Who was supposed to do what?
Does resentment build? Is turning a blind eye part of the game?
How I Find Motivation To Write When I Don’t Feel Like It
What motivates us to want to write? It's about asking ourselves tough questions. What does motivation mean to me? Why do I want to write?
A writer’s block, burnout, and a lack of creativity are just some of the common struggles a writer experiences during the week. Pile on some rejection (from clients, publications, a mean troll), no one reading our stuff and a fear of putting ourselves out there again, it’s no wonder writers find it tough to keep going.
However, we pick ourselves up again and again, trudging along that writer’s path, discovering moments of creativity, bursts of inspiration, stories of greatness and at times, lulls of mediocrity.
I recently wrote a post where I detailed what happened when I published 25 articles in one month (and accepted by publications). One of the readers prefaced her question with “Ooooh, deep question” and asked,
“What motivates us to want to write?”Deep indeed. I wrote back, telling her that I’ll need some time to think about it and thanking her for giving me an idea to write about.
How Submitting To Publications Made Me A Better Writer
It can seem daunting to submit to publications. Will they accept or reject? Either way, it's a valuable lesson that's made me a better writer.
Self-publishing is rewarding but…I’ve been blogging since 2017 and it’s been quite the experience to put words onto digital paper, sharing my personal stories and insight. From keeping a diary to entering short story contests during grade school, writing has been in my blood since I could remember.
Owning a website where I can freely create as I please, no holds barred, is incredibly rewarding. Self-publishing allows me to write, record, film whatever floats my boat and deliver it to the world with the quick press of a button. Anyone with an Internet connection can read, watch and listen to my content.
As an Asian female, I’m grateful I live in a country (Canada) and grew up during a time where I have the opportunity to do this without having to jump through hoops or cross any red tape. I feel empowered to have a voice in this world even if only 1 out of the 7.8 billion people hear me.
But what if the rest of the 7.8 billion people also want to listen but can’t find me?
Why I Don’t Think I Wasted My Time Going To School
From kindergarten to university, I spent over half my life in school. Do I regret my decision? Was it a waste of time or time well wasted? It's about seeing the life skills I acquired from years of study.
I didn’t enjoy schoolDon’t get me wrong, going to school wasn’t a pleasurable experience for me. I wrote an entire article about how I hated it even though I was good at it and concluded that doing well at something doesn’t mean you enjoy it.
From depression, anxiety, self-harm and an eating disorder, I was a mess. Being unpopular, having few friends, acne, braces, and glasses were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to those teen years.
The part I hated the most about school was the exams. They required me to study, memorize, remember and then regurgitate silently in an enclosed space under a time constraint with dozens of other angsty beings. Talk about anxiety-inducing situations!
Often, 50% of my grade would depend on one exam that took an hour to complete but several weeks to prepare for. The pressure to perform weighed down on me more than the weight of the world on Atlas’ shoulders.
However, like many Asian kids, I trudged along, finishing high school with scholarships to University and furthering my studies at Grad School. So in total, I’ve spent about 20 years of my life in school which accounts for over half my life.