SuperPsyched with Dr. Adam Dorsay

Imagine two students in college: one is a gay male, and the other is a straight super jock. The gay male is quiet and introverted, and the straight guy is extraverted to the point of being loud and into the old joke of throwing something at a person and shouting, “think fast!”

Can you imagine these two guys being friends? How about dear friends for 40 years?

Let's make it a little more interesting still: the straight guy would become a high achieving Navy SEAL. And he would also be the one to help his gay friend express his emotions more fully.

Will Schwalbe wrote a beautiful memoir chronicling his friendship with Chris Maxey and very intimate details of how each man supported the other. The book is called We Should NOT Be Friends and it has received acclaim from seemingly every major news outlet and was even named a New Yorker Best Book of the Year.

Those of you who know me know that I care a great deal about friendship. And this book hit a grand slam. So, I can't wait for you to hear my conversation with Will Schwalbe as we talk about friendship.

Back in the 90’s when email was still new, one of the first viral emails I received was a commencement address to a group of high school students. The person who delivered that address was Guy Kawasaki. Guy is very well known and, for those of you who don't know him, you are about to hear from a man who has done a lot with his life so far. He worked closely with Steve Jobs as one of the Apple employees originally in charge of marketing the Macintosh. He would go on to writing 16 books, work as a venture capitalist, sit on the Wikimedia Foundation board of trustees, and become the chief evangelist for Canva. He is also a husband, father, and later in life became a hockey player and a surfer. He started surfing at 60.

If you look at his Wikipedia page, you will see that it reads like the story of a renaissance man living in Silicon Valley.

Guy has been a hero of mine for some time and I finally got to meet him when I was emceeing the Palo Alto TEDx event where he was one of the speakers. Guy crushed it on stage but, as you’ll learn, he had no real way of knowing because he is deaf.

Guy is the host of the Remarkable People podcast and his newest book is called Think Remarkable. The book is outstanding with a foreword by Jane Goodall and it has received praise from many greats including Carol Dweck and Robert Cialdini.

You’ll hear all kinds of wisdom from this wise man (coincidentally, the title of his autobiography is Wise Guy and it’s one of my all-time favorite memoirs). And a key takeaway is something I believe we all want to learn: how to be remarkable.

Anyone who is a parent knows that parenting can be really hard. But, fear not, help is here! This episode unpacks a great parenting style that encourages children to be autonomous, able to relate to people well, and instills confidence by allowing the child to feel a strong, realistic sense of competence.

This type of parenting is brilliant. When I read the guest’s book, I had that nagging thought of, “I wish this book had been around before I had kids so I could have read it and we all could have benefitted!”

Turns out, it’s not too late. I still can and so can you!

As many of you know, there have been many trends in parenting over the years, some that are still seen as having positive attributes, some that we wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pool these days. And others, which had once been popular, have been shown through research to be ill-advised.

However, the advice from this guest has over 30 years of research backing it, and my guest is none other than Dr. Emily Edlynn (https://www.emilyedlynnphd.com/). Emily has written a book called Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children. I love this book and I am not alone.  SuperPsyched guest and brilliant author Melinda Wenner Moyer said of Emily’s book, “It’s not just useful—it’s a must-read.”

Agreed 100%, Melinda!

So, listen in as Emily shares the importance of autonomy-supported parenting, and why it’s not too late to incorporate it into your parenting.

Many of us have behaviors we'd LOVE to change. But many of those stubborn behaviors are hard to alter. And if we want our behavior to change, we probably won't do it just because someone else tells us to. When that's the case, the person whose voice matters most is our own. That is why I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk with Dr. Michelle Drapkin (https://cbtcenterofcentralnj.com/dr michelle-drapkin/ about her latest book that involves one of my favorite advances in psychology. You've heard me geek out to it and it's called Motivational Interviewing. Her book is called The Motivational Interviewing Path to Personal Change: The Essential Workbook for Creating the Life You Want. I loved the book and I'm hardly alone. Accolades have come far and wide from the co-originator of Motivational Interviewing, Dr. Bill Miller, as well as the originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dr. Stephen Hayes. One of my favorite raves came from SuperPsyched guest, Dr. Jill Stoddard who said, "Drapkin has come to the rescue... Her guidance is clear, enthusiastic, and most of all... motivating! I highly recommend this book for anyone who is thinking about making a change and could use a wise guide to help show the way. So, listen in as Michelle and I talk about the power of Motivational Interviewing.

Imagine you are an athlete at the Olympics. You have trained for years and years. You have dreamed of this moment. Your entire country is watching you, cheering for you, even praying that you will win.

There is a lot of pressure and so much riding on your performance. But you have trained for thousands of hours and everything rests on this moment. There is noise and energy coming from the audience. And because you are a fighter, your opponent wants to destroy you.

How do you find your focus? It is one thing to talk about mindfulness and the power of therapy in everyday life. But putting these to the test in this scenario is an entirely different ball game. 

Most of us will never experience what I just described, but my guest on this episode did just that. And as you’ll hear, mindfulness, therapy and, of course, spectacular amounts of practice and preparation made a big difference. Ori Sasson is a two-time bronze medalist at the Olympics where he competed on behalf of Israel. I would describe Ori as a gentle giant. And Ori has explored his sensitivity and anxiety through therapy and found ways to channel these qualities to find greater strength inside and outside of Judo competition.

As you’ll hear Ori is generous in sharing his recipe for success. And sadly, as of this recording, rockets are flying over Israel. Ori and I were meant to meet four weeks ago, but he needed to cancel due to these rockets and he nearly needed to cancel our interview today for the second time due to their persistent presence.

In spite of these challenges and his WiFi being down, he found a way to make it to the interview. Today, Ori uses the knowledge he gained from Judo competition to assist company employees to find success. So, listen in as Ori shares his secrets for success inside and outside the ring.

Last month, my 14-year-old son came home from school with a book in hand and excitedly said, “Dad, you’ve got to read this book!My son has never said anything like this to me before, and I was immediately intrigued. I picked up the book, a graphic novel, and it took me in immediately. It was engrossing and profound. It was at times hilarious and at other times utterly heartbreaking. Overall, it was a superbly relatable human story that describes a period in the life of an American-born Chinese boy that was true to his experience and that, simultaneously, opens a door to a Chinese mythical world.

The author is Gene Luen Yang (https://geneyang.com/), and I was thrilled to learn that his New York Times bestselling, award winning, and critically acclaimed book, American Born Chinese, has been made into an eight-part miniseries on Disney. The miniseries has an all-star lineup the likes of which blows my mind! The cast includes Academy Award Winners Michelle Yeoh and and Ke Huy Quan (also known as Jonathan Ke Quan) and two of my favorite comedians, Ronnie Chieng and Jimmy O Yang!

And throughout this interview, you’ll get to learn from Gene who is a cool, kind, and deep-thinking person. I am confident you will appreciate him as much as I have.So, I am releasing this episode to coincide with Chinese New Year. A hearty Gung Hay Fat Choy to all who celebrate! And what a great way to celebrate the Year of the Dragon by listening to Gene share his story and the story behind the story of American Born Chinese.

Book link: https://www.amazon.com/American-Born-Chinese-Gene-Luen/dp/1250811899/ref=sr_1_1?crid=Y122ZCVH6U36&keywords=american+born+chinese+book&qid=1702500339&sprefix=american+born%2Caps%2C157&sr=8-1

How many of us just wish that we could think faster and talk smarter? I'm going to take a guess that pretty much all of us would like that skill. And that is why I believe that my guest, Stanford Business School lecturer, author, coach, and podcaster, Matt Abrahams (https://mattabrahams.com/) has something to teach us all. Matt is the author of two books including his most recent, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot. I loved the book, really liked Matt, and have a good reason to believe you will as well. He’s very popular among Stanford Business students where he received the prestigious Alumni Teaching Award in recognition of his teaching students around the world.

So, let’s get ready to boost our skills as Matt shares his secrets of thinking faster and talking smarter.

Expectation Effect Shownotes

Do our expectations affect outcomes? Are there things we can do to increase the likelihood of getting outcomes we want? Are there thoughts that may interfere with these positive outcomes as well?There has been a lot of non-scientific information circulating about these questions. Fortunately, there are people like David Robson (https://davidrobson.me/), sorting the science from the non-science. David is a science writer, a graduate of Cambridge University, and he has won awards for his writing from the Association of British Science Writers and the UK Medical Journalists’ Association.

He's also the author of The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Transform Your Life. I loved his book, so have major thought leaders like Daniel Pink, and agree with the New York Journal Review that said, “If you’re looking to make major or minor changes in your life, this book will help you leave the starting gate with positive expectations of success.”So, listen in as David shares how your mindset can transform your life.

It wasn’t long ago that the notion of the mind-body connection was considered New Agey. It was as if the mind and the body were two totally separate systems that had very little to do with each other.

Now, with contributions from scientific research, wisdom-based traditions, and modern psychotherapy, the mind-body connection isn’t even questioned.

Still, there’s a lot to learn about how our bodies and minds connect and I’m so glad I got to have this conversation with psychotherapist and dance instructor, Rachel Fleischman (https://www.blisscounseling.com/). Rachel is a seasoned therapist who does both traditional individual and couple therapy but who also integrates talk therapy with movement. As you will hear, she is wise, fun, and extremely skilled in pulling her information from various sources that contribute to her knowledge base.

If you’re a fan of movement and want to learn more about how it can be a component of psychological healing, this episode is for you!

So, listen in as Rachel and I geek out to the psychotherapy and movement.

Autism has been rightfully getting lots of media airtime lately. Indeed, it is a deeply misunderstood condition and, sadly, 85% of autistic adults are unemployed.

As you’ll hear in this episode and in my 2020 episode with Dr. Temple Grandin, neurodiversity can help teams thrive and people on the autism spectrum often have a lot to bring to the table at the workplace. In fact, they may bring super strengths that could be akin to what my guest refers to as the Autistic Advantage.

My guest, Olivia Fox Cabane (https://www.askolivia.com/), is the author of a huge bestselling book, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. I loved this book and have given it out to countless people I serve. Yet, you’ll hear the personal story of why Olivia wrote the book and how, as an undiagnosed person on the autism spectrum, the publicity tours associated with the book were excruciating to her.You’ll also hear about how the diagnosis has been badly misunderstood, how many treatment modalities have been harmful—even extremely harmful—to people on the spectrum, and some things people need to know to better understand members in our community who are autistic. She even shares the cross-cultural aspects of being in a relationship with a neurotypical husband and some benefits of being in a neurodiverse relationship.

So, listen in as Olivia and I talk about the Autistic Advantage. Please note, some descriptors of treatment modalities on this episode are graphic and violent in nature. Please listen accordingly.

Parents overwhelmingly want to raise kind children. Yet many concerning trends are on the rise including narcissism and bullying, leaving many parents to worry: how can I improve the likelihood of raising a kind child?

And that’s why I was delighted to meet with author and journalist, Melinda Wenner Moyer (https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/). Melinda is a prolific science journalist and blogger and the author of a book addressing our fears with the hilariously titled, How to Raise Children Who Aren’t Assholes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--from Tots to Teens. I loved this book and raves for it have come far and wide from sources like Wharton Professor Adam Grant, CNN.com and Publisher’s Weekly who said, Melinda “crafts a winning guide for parents who wish to build a “better, fairer, stronger world.” This delightful mix of strategy and humor shouldn’t be missed.” 

I couldn’t agree more and I’m confident you’ll love learning from her as well.

So, listen in as Melinda breaks down the science of raising children who are kind and definitely aren’t assholes.Book link: https://tinyurl.com/83x7vcf6

What is civility? What are the consequences of its absence? And why is it so important?

Many people may inadvertently believe the words “polite” and “civil” are interchangeable. But as you hear and think about these words, you're probably recognizing just how different they are.

I am so glad my guest, Alexandra Hudson (https://alexandraohudson.com/), has dedicated years of her life to write a fantastic book about this topic and it is hot off the press. The book is called The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves. Alexandra’s website perfectly summarizes the book’s relevance with this statement, “In an era of fraught political tension, civility—a respect for the dignity of others—is the key to bridging the divide.”I couldn’t agree more. So many outstanding enterprises and causes—including the United States—have been the result of people with different points of view coming together and working together with civility.

So, with that end in mind, listen in, as Alexandra shares her thoughts on the importance of civility.

The Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has recently warned of a loneliness epidemic in the United States and has cited research suggesting that loneliness can be as toxic to our health as 15 cigarettes per day. Unfortunately, societal trends do not support people getting together in real life. Attendance at virtually all community gatherings is on the decline, whether we are referring to social groups, religious organizations, or even picnics.Sadly, our 35,000-year-old brains are not wired for the isolation we are experiencing these days. Our social brains crave community and togetherness, and even the most introverted of us need some communal connection, but we rarely know how to do it or where to even look.And that is why I'm so happy to speak with Charles Vogl (https://www.charlesvogl.com/). Charles has spent time in diverse communities such as the Peace Corps in Zambia, Yale University where he did his master’s degree in spiritual traditions, philosophy, and business., and here in Silicon Valley where he has served at Google’s Vitality Lab. He is the author of a book I loved called The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging. Charles speaks about the principles that help communities thrive and why we need them. I agree with bestselling author Richard Leider, who said of the book, "At last, here is an insightful guide to create the community you have envisioned for yourself and others."

Amen, brother.

So, listen in as Charles and I talk about the art of community.

These days there is understandably a lot of talk and a lot of fear about the future of jobs. Speculations are plentiful and some are downright grim. 

The questions abound: what will the future bring as it relates to employment? How will my children's work-life look? You may even be thinking, damn, what will my own work look like in a few years?

The truth is nobody really knows. But a good place to form hypotheses about the future may exist in thoughtful analysis of current research as well as looking deeply at history. It is crucial that we cool our heads and listen to thought leaders who have real-world experience plus those who have given deep and objective thought to the matter. And that is why I'm so grateful to have had this conversation with just such a person. Jeff Wald is the Founder of Work Market, as well as several other technology companies including Spinback which was eventually sold to Salesforce. 

Jeff is now an angel investor who holds an MBA from Harvard University and an MS and a BS from Cornell University. He’s also the author of a book I found helpful and informative called, The End of Jobs: The Rise of On-Demand Workers and Agile Corporations and Jeff and I geek out to the future of jobs as he sees it.

As you will hear, Jeff draws deeply on research and history and he gives his take on the skills that will be necessary in the future, the relevance of college education, jobs on the rise, jobs on their way out, jobs that will change, and his thoughtful weigh-in on where we are heading in general. 

So, listen in as Jeff and I talk about the future of jobs.

We all know the expression that we are what we eat. Yet few have devoted their lives to the science behind this idea more than the guest of this episode.Dr. Michael Jacobson earned a Ph.D. in microbiology from MIT and, shortly after, devoted his expertise to the budding field of nutrition science. Michael is the founder of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, and he spent nearly five decades at the forefront of disseminating the best research available on food and health. He has also worked steadily on public policy relating to food and he’s been recognized for his contributions by the CDC and a host of other government agencies and organizations. His work includes a 25-year effort to create national policy to ban partially-hydrogenated oils. That law went into effect in 2018.

Michael is now working on creating a National Food Museum and we talk about that, his career in science, and what it’s been like to be on the frontlines engaged in his work.

So, listen in, as Michael shares about his life in research and policy relating to our food.