Surviving Skye

Packing for the move and still waiting for word from Japan.

Traveling to Connecticut with two cats to attend my grandmothers funeral.

Overwhelmed.

An article in the Record Journal and a report on Channel 3 WFSB CT covering Skye's disappearance.

https://www.wfsb.com/2024/03/12/family-continues-look-answers-16-years-after-daughters-disappearance/

https://www.ctinsider.com/recordjournal/article/skye-budnick-southington-missing-gofundme-18694102.php

Feeling perceived on social media and trying to find balance when so much is happening all at once.

Quick update on going to Japan. When life happens it happens all at once. We are taking things one step at a time. We can't thank you enough for all the support.

https://gofund.me/67920453

Skye would be 37 years old today. Last time we saw Skye she was 21. It's been 16 years...16 years of not knowing.

I cry in the episode. Bear with me.

I received news yesterday, in order to submit a new sample of DNA we have to go to Japan. After two years of talking about Skye's case we have finally reached a new point, and this is something to celebrate.

Happy Birthday Skye!

https://gofund.me/67920453

Skye's Birthday is right around the corner and the depressive wave is knocking on my door.

Trauma therapy, EMDR and creating an unconventional trauma timeline.

Back from the east coast with an update on the ordeal with the family DNA and other ramblings.

When there is too much going on sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.

Covid for the holidays and the Ghost of Skye.

Getting permission to go to Japan.

A call from the Southington Police department with an update.

I need to be honest to myself. I avoid. I hide. I run. A feeling I thought I would outgrow, keeps me stagnant and afraid.

A lack of sleep with trigger an unraveling.

I found peace this week.

Thanks to Beth_scarymua and Hailey Elizabeth for creating videos about Skye's case.

My parents visited. Intrusive thoughts. Update on Skye's case.

What's going on this week?

My meds are working, my parents are visiting, and I've taken a month off from therapy.

Are we ok? Yes.

A run down of the week and another update on Skye's case.

A brief interruption of therapy notes for an update on Skye's case.

If you were forced to be honest with yourself about something in your life, what would you need to change?

The polarity is wanting to talk about Skye's disappearance versus wanting to walk away from it all.

The origin of my anxiety. But not really, my anxiety is just a part of me, it's in every cell of my being. I just remember the first moments where I had no control over it. How it controlled me for most of my life. In this episode I talk about my first moments of fear and anxiety, prior to me even having the words for it. I put it on my trauma timeline cause that is how much it still sits with me. But its ok, I know what those feelings are now and I have helped that once little girl understand that she is going to be ok.

I'm being bold in taking a new direction in Surviving Skye. At least I think it's bold, if anything it will be me spilling my guts and being more vulnerable and transparent than I have ever been before. Since Skye has been missing for 15 years and there has been no new movement I have felt overwhelmed by the repetition of talking about the same stuff again and again. So I am going to pivot and I am going to talk about how I am surviving. And the best way I can think of is by talking to you about all the stuff I talk about when I go to therapy. Yep. All the shit that I should keep in my head. The ugly stuff that I am still working on year after year. My first experience with therapy started at 16 and its been a wild ride ever since. Good experiences and really fucking bad ones too. I'll tell you about it all, cause why not, I can't be the only one with some stories. I'm not the only one with trauma. So join me, or don't, it's your life and this isn't going to be easy listening. It's in the moment and unedited. This is where I will be and I'll be here for you too if you need someone. Thanks for hanging out with me.

I have taken some time away to focus on bettering myself. This has been a journey that I do want to continue but I have learned that I need to show up for myself first before I can achieve anything else. How would you like to see Surviving Skye evolve? Skye's disappearance is still very much my focus but the truth is its a cold case with very little (no) movement. In order to Survive the unknown we have to keep on moving. Not forgetting, just moving, moving creates disruptions, and disruptions create change, change can bring us answered and I'm on a journey that won't stop until I get the answered I'm looking for. So what do you think my next step should be?

It is Dec 31, 2022, I am reflecting on the last year and what I hope to do moving forward into 2023.

Its been a few months since I have recorded an episode with my mom. In this episode we chat a little about mental health and the state of Skye's case.

The GoFundMe for the Surviving Skye billboard is still active if you would be interested in contributing.

https://gofund.me/200cc2cc

I just wanted to check in with you. I'm currently on a trip back to CT and I often find myself overwhelmed with a list of things I want to get done. Ultimately I drive myself crazy and get nothing done. At the request of others, I have decided to create these small episodes just updating you on life, the boring stuff, as I would call it. But I suppose it can shine a light on the day to day, the good and bad, of living life with the kind of grief we struggle with. Don't worry I'll keep these short, that's why I call these the small episodes, and here is the first one.

In this episode I read through two of Skye's chats from Facebook messenger. Skye never had a cell phone and many conversations that she had with friends took place on various messengers. I had access to Skye's Facebook account early on and in this episode I will share something that has never been made public before. I do not name any names other than Skye and family members. Her friends will remain anonymous unless they reach out and say otherwise. The first conversation is short, it is with a friend that feels to be more of an acquaintance. The second chat takes place over a year and it is an important relationship to Skye. I will tell you the dates and times of these conversation because I believe the space it occupies is important. Please keep in mind that these are chats between young college students in 2007/2008. And make it known that I do not believe that any friend that she spoke with had any knowledge of what Skye would eventually do. I share these conversation to give the public a more personal connection to Skye.

In this episode I talk with the Dean of The College of Media and Communication at Texas Tech University, David D. Perlmutter. We discuss  the role media played in Skye's disappearance, along with the protocols in place for police and journalists.  Both systems are essential to aid in a person's disappearance but ultimately nothing ever plays out as one might expect. 

We talk about everything from the police response, the differences in American and Japanese media, even touch on the subject of the haters that live on hamster Tiktok.

Skye has been missing for fourteen years, the realities of getting answers is not lost on me. Having this opportunity to share my perspective in hindsight of how the case was handled may be a saving grace for others who find themselves in this type of unfortunate circumstance.

Hi! I wanted to update you as to where I have been and the pressure I put on myself going forward. I have a list of what my next steps should be but I honestly don't know where to go next. Watch me try to figure it all out.

I am recounting the last few days in Japan after we held the press conference for Skye. We wait and wait, and then wait some more. This is when I begin to realize that I am never going to be the same.

This is a bonus episode where I answer the most frequently asked questions I receive on Tiktok. I am joined by my husband Tim who helps ask me the questions and tries to keep me on track. You'll see this is a longer than normal episode so it is safe to say he let me ramble. I hope this clears up any questions and I want to thank you for your continued support.

You can help support this podcast and case by donating to the podcast.

You can follow Tim on instagram @bodiesneedrest

This is the last installment of a longer conversation that I had with my mother, about living with Skye's disappearance. 

This is the third installment of a conversation I had with our mother about living through and with Skye's disappearance.

This is the second part of a longer conversation that I had with my mother, about Skye, her disappearance, and what it was like navigating the seemingly impossible.

I wanted to bring you into a personal conversation between my mother and I about Skye, the disappearance, and what everything else looks like on the periphery. 

It meanders through our disjointed memories, stalls on opinions, and drowns in our feelings. 

This is the first chapter in a 3 hour long conversation, pared down into more digestible episodes and edited minimally as to not disrupt the flow. 

This is your invitation inside.

Besides wanting answers to Skye's disappearance, I started to talk more openly about the event due to its dismantling effect on my mental health. In this episode I try to explain what it feels like living with this weight on your shoulders. Words can barely do it justice. It's an engrossing, all consuming life form that controls you from the inside out. So I share just a glimpse of what I can actually put into words.

Tokyo was a surreal experience. It was a city unlike anything I had ever seen before but I was also facing a situation I had never imagined I'd ever face in my lifetime. My sister Skye was missing in Japan and we had traveled to Tokyo to get media coverage. It was nothing but intense and life changing.

On Episode 2 of Surviving Skye, I break down the first few days of our time in Japan. Emotions are high and time is of the essence but the realities of what two American women can do while the Japanese authorities conduct their investigation becomes apparent and it seems all you can do is wait.