Survivor Sanctuary
By Kelly Downing
Survivor SanctuaryMar 21, 2024
Episode 127: One Church, Three Sexual Predators
Ignite Life Center, an Assemblies of God Church in Gainesville, Florida, has been in the news since last summer due to repeated arrests for the sexual abuse of minors. So, how do three predators end up in the same church? We chat about it on today's episode.
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Episode 126: Florida Keys SBC Pastor Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl
This story hits close to home, as in, just down the road from where I live. A Southern Baptist pastor in the Keys has been arrested after a 15-year-old girl says he plied her with alcohol and assaulted her on a couch inside the church. Even all the media scrutiny over the SBC's handling of sexual abuse, public outrage, lawsuits and the their focus on "Caring Well" doesn't seem to be deterring their leaders from sex crimes against children.
Episode 125: Why Survivors Protect Their Abusers
A common theme among survivors of clergy sexual abuse is victims feeling a responsibility to protect their abuser from being "found out." On today's episode, we're taking a look at Tammy Woods's open letter to Mike Bickle of IHOPKC, and tackling the question, why do abuse victims so often feel the need to protect the people who abuse them?
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Episode 124: Mike Bickle Accused of Sexually Abusing Girls Ages 14, 15
The plot has thickened in the IHOP KC / Mike Bickle saga, with two women claiming that Bickle began sexually abusing them when they were only 14 and 15 years old, dating all the way back to the beginning of Bickle's ministry in the 1970s. Are we dealing with a "struggling" sheep, or a wolf who is struggling to keep his sheep's clothing from slipping? We chat about it on today's episode.
RESOURCES:
Woman Claims Mike Bickle Sexually Abused Her When She Was 14
3rd Woman Says Mike Bickle Sexually Abused Her, Beginning at 15
Episode 123: Paige and Andy Weber on International House of Prayer and Mike Bickle (Part 2)
Today we're finishing up our chat with Andy Weber and Paige Weber, MA, MO-PLPC, EMDR, former staffers at International House of Prayer, where founder Mike Bickle has been accused by multiple women of grooming and sexual abuse.
RESOURCES:
Episode 122: International House of Preyer? Andy and Paige Weber Share Insight on Mike Bickle and IHOP
The allegations of sexual misconduct and abuse by International House of Prayer founder Mike Bickle keep piling up, and on today's episode, we chat with Andy Weber and Paige Weber, MA, MO-PLPC, EMDR, both of whom served on staff at IHOPKC in the past. Paige and Andy give valuable insight into the culture at IHOP that has led to the current situation making headlines.
RESOURCES:
Articles on IHOP from the Roys Report
Videos from the Advocacy Group
Mirror of Misconduct: How IHOPKC's Crisis Manager Embodied Image he was Hired to Fix
Episode 121: Were You Sexually Abused? The Answer May Surprise You
It may seem like a no-brainer to a person who has never experienced sexual trauma, but whether your experience was actually sexual abuse can be a common question for survivors of sexual abuse. Today on the podcast, we'll define sexual abuse in its many forms, and help you determine the answer for yourself.
Episode 120: Pastor Allegedly Hid Sexual Abuse, Hired Child Porn Defense Attorney to "Protect" Church's Children
Surprise, surprise, another SBC pastor has been accused of covering up sexual abuse. But there is so much more to this story than the headlines may lead you to believe. You might have seen the recent news that staff members and deacons of Immanuel Baptist Church in Little Rock, Arkansas are alleging that their pastor, Dr. Steven Smith, failed to disclose the sexual abuse of children to the congregation. But that's just the start of this crazy story. This one has some pretty wild twists and turns, including the involvement of none other than Josh Duggar's child porn trial defense attorney. Sometimes I think church sex abuse cover ups can't get any crazier. Spoiler alert: they can.
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RESOURCES:
SBC Megachurch Pastor Claims His Mishandling of Allegations Didn’t Lead to ‘Further Abuse’
Deacon of SBC Megachurch Calls for Pastor’s Resignation Over Mishandled Sex Abuse Reports
Episode 119: Children are Now the Top Perpetrators of Child Sexual Abuse
A decade ago, around 1/3 of all child sexual abuse offenses were committed. New statistics, however, show that number has dramatically increased, making children the top perpetrators of child sexual abuse. What gives? We chat about it on today's episode.
RESOURCES:
Children Now Biggest Perpetrators of Sex Abuse Against Children
Episode 118: No, Sexual Abuse Isn't Just Like Any Other Sin
A sin is a sin is a sin, right? Or is it? On today's podcast we're discussing the distinction between "sin" and predation, and how sin-leveling contributes to perpetuating sexual abuse in the church.
EPISODE 117: Sacred Wholeness: A conversation on Mind, Body and Soul Healing with Joshua Yoder Part 2
On today's episode of the podcast, we finish our chat on the integration of mind, body and soul for sacred wholeness with Joshua Yoder
EPISODE 116: Sacred Wholeness: A conversation on Mind, Body and Soul Healing with Joshua Yoder
On today's episode of the podcast, we chat with friend of the podcast, pastor, personal trainer and certified nutrition coach Joshua Yoder on the integration of mind, body and soul for sacred wholeness after sexual abuse.
Episode 115: The Silence of Sexual Abuse
From the moment a child is abused, it seems the whole universe conspires to keep them silent. Whether internal or external, the voices that silence us are most often speaking from a place of shame. We'll chat about that shame, and how to recognize it, on today's episode.
Episode 114: Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Take a Page from the Church's Abuse Playbook
Episode 113: Sound of Freedom - If "Conspiracy Theorists" Want to Save Kids from Sex Slavery, Please Shut All the Way Up and Let Them
On this episode of the podcast, Survivor Sanctuary goes to the movies! We're discussing some of the controversy surrounding the movie Sound of Freedom, and the lengths some people are going to discredit the film because they don't like Tim Ballard or Jim Caviezel's politics. Hey, if anyone involved in the making of the film (or the rescue of enslaved kids) voted for Donald Trump, it *must* have no redeeming qualities, right? And if someone on the alt right hates pedophilia, we should downplay its prevalence... right? Lest you think conservatives are off the hook here, we'll also talk about how this film is evoking outrage for oppressed children from a group that largely ignores the sexual abuse rampant in their own churches. Double standards, anyone? Join me as we annoy everyone from the right to the left on this episode of Survivor Sanctuary.
(EDIT: I mention in the podcast that Tim Ballard rescued 200+ kids. That is the number of kids rescued in the specific operation that the movie details. Overall, Tim Ballard's organization is credited with rescuing over 3,000 children from human trafficking. Have a nice day.)
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Sound of Freedom: the QAnon-adjacent thriller seducing America
EPISODE 112: Artificial Intelligence and the Surge in Child Sexual Abuse
Artificial intelligence is pretty incredible, and it's exploding in a big way. But experts are warning that AI could lead to an increase in real-life cases of child sexual abuse. Are AI-generated images of child sex abuse "victimless," or something more sinister? We chat about it on today's episode.
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RESOURCES:
Artificial intelligence could help 'normalize' child sexual abuse ...
AI-generated images of child sexual abuse are on the rise
AI could worsen epidemic of child sexual abuse
Predators Exploit AI Tools to Generate Images of Child Abuse
Episode 111: On Pastors Who Preach About Drag Queen Story Hour, But Ignore Sexual Abuse In The Church
Imagine the surprise of survivors everywhere when a pastor who has never had a word to say about sexual abuse in the church suddenly crafts an entire sermon series about the "grooming" of children... Well, don't get excited. These pastors haven't actually decided to begin caring about the endemic issue of sexual abuse in the church; no, they're simply using their platform and a faux concern for children to posture politically. We chat about it on today's episode.
EPISODE 110: We Are Not Powerless When It Comes To Sexual Abuse In The Church
Sometimes it feels like the bad guys are winning, like there's nothing we can do to stop predators within the church. It's not like child molesters typically commit their crimes in front of multiple witnesses to make it easy on us. But before you give in to discouragement, there *are* still things that we can do to stop the men and women who wish to harm children. We are not powerless. We discuss on today's episode.
Episode 109: Selective Outrage: Chris Rock Just Defined the Church's Problem with Sexual Abuse
Without meaning to, Chris Rock has pegged the evangelical church when it comes to sexual abuse. Selective Outrage isn't just his latest stand-up show, it's the actual definition of the church's pearl-clutching over "grooming" by "liberals", and dead crickets when it comes to sexual abuse being perpetrated in the church at an alarming rate by "christians." We chat about it on today's episode.
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EPISODE 108: The Dalai Lama Reminds Me A Lot of My Childhood Abuser
You may have seen the recent video of the Dalai Lama's creepy, disturbing behavior with a young boy. We discuss it, and how he took a page directly from my abuser's playbook, in today's episode.
RESOURCES:
Dalai Lama Asks Boy to Suck His Tongue
Episode 107: Alleged Rapist Resigns, but Churchome Still Isn't Safe for Survivors
After outcry in the media, alleged rapist Braylon Oliver has resigned from his position at Churchome. But is this a victory for survivors? And does it make Churchome safe? Hardly. We discuss on today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary.
RESOURCES:
Episode 106: Churchome and Judah Smith Apparently Think It's "Fun" to Ask Victims to OK Hiring Their Alleged Rapists
Yet again, a church is in the news for hiring a credibly accused rapist to its staff. The kicker in this case is that they ran it by the alleged victim-who was adamantly against it-and did it anyway, in a pretty callous/tone deaf/victim-discarding way. We discuss on today's episode.
RESOURCES:
Episode 105: Grace To You... Unless You're Being Abused
John MacArthur and Grace Community Church are back in the news for *checks notes* continuing to turn their backs on victims of abuse. While the Church is busy clutching their pearls over Sam Smith's devil costume at the Grammys, these same Christians are giving a pass to MacArthur, whose absolute refusal to show an ounce of humility makes Sam Smith look like the Pope. We chat about it, and Hohn Cho, the Good Samaritan who stood up for victims at great personal sacrifice, in today's episode.
RESOURCES:
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Grace Church Rejects Calls to Do Justice for Victims
Former GCC Elder Confronts 'Awful Patterns' of Endangering Abuse Victims
Episode 104: The Myth of "Radical Grace"
Radical forgiveness. Radical grace. These buzz phrases get thrown around in Christianity, soaking survivors of sexual abuse in shame and letting predators off the hook. But are they actually scriptural? We discuss on today's episode.
Episode 103: Accusations of Unforgiveness: Every Abuse Survivor's Battle
It's probably happened to all of us: we share openly about the abuse we have experienced, and inevitably, someone's response is "you need to forgive." We unpack this lovely unforgiveness phenomenon in today's episode. Happy New Year!
Episode 102: Steve Black on Facing Sexual Abuse Within the Family
On this episode of the podcast, we're chatting with Steve Black of the Ezekiel 33 Project. Steve's daughter was abused by a family member when she was just 6 years old, and the lack of information available for parents going through what his family was going through at the time prompted him to start his own blog. Steve's story is so incredibly valuable to anyone who has experienced navigating sexual abuse within the family, and we're so thankful he has taken the time to join us today!
Episode 101: Sexual Abuse and the Case for Digging Up the Past
We've all been told at one point or another to leave the past in the past. But when it comes to sexual abuse, wading through the past is necessary for healing. On today's podcast, we'll discuss why it's important to carefully examine your past to keep it from growing into something unmanageable. Yes, the past can be uncomfortable or scary, but properly examining it can lead to freedom.
Happy 100TH Episode, Survivor Sanctuary! (Plus Some Big News!)
In celebration of the 100th episode of the podcast, we're excited to announce that Survivor Sanctuary is now on Patreon! You can become a patron of the podcast starting at $5 per month, and have access to exclusive content and rewards. Your support helps us keep shining a light on sexual abuse in the church, and it also unlocks premium content to help you grow as a survivor/advocate/ally. THANK YOU for your support of this podcast for the last 100 Episodes!
RESOURCES:
Episode 99: Hunting Child Molesters on Tinder
Did you hear about the woman who helped take down a child molester she met on Tinder? This story is a great reminder that an abuser can be anyone. We chat about it on today's episode of the podcast.
RESOURCES:
Woman Uses Tinder to Catch Child Molester
Episode 98: Surviving Sexual Abuse Or Playing the Victim?
Are survivors of sexual abuse "playing the victim" when they speak out about sexual abuse? There are plenty of people who think (and say) so. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we'll talk about what it actually means to "play the victim" are have a "victim mentality," and how that relates to survivors.
Episode 97: When Child Molesters Go Free (And Then Want To Follow Me On Twitter)
It's cute that the creepy ex youth leader who beat a rap for allegedly sexually assaulting a minor just followed me on Twitter. We chat about it on today's episode.
Episode 96: Beware Harmful Advice from Survivors and Advocates
We're used to hearing bad advice, platitudes and questionable opinions on surviving sexual abuse from people who have never experienced abuse themselves. But there's a disturbing trend among survivors and advocates who seem to believe that the only way to move on from abuse is to accept responsibility for the abuse you experienced, or accept that it was all a part of God's (or the Universe's) plan to help you grow. On today's episode, we'll chat about these harmful beliefs that are being shared, and remind everyone exactly why abuse happens and who is to blame.
Why Are Hardened Criminals More Enraged By Child Molesters Than The Church Is?
The Department of Justice is investigating the Southern Baptist Convention for their decades of mishandling sexual abuse allegations. It may be easy to understand why the DOJ is concerned for the welfare of children, but what about the lowest of society's low? In today's episode, we'll chat about why it is that convicts appear to care more about stopping child molesters than our churches do.
RESOURCES:
Article: Prisoner Beats Two Child Molesters to Death
Wife Shoots Husband Who Molested Kids
DOJ Is Investigating the Southern Baptist Convention
TAGS: church sexual abuse, church abuse, Shanteari Weems, James Weems, Jr., pedophiles, child molesters, victims, prison violence
When Mothers Side With Their Child's Abuser
Is it a trauma response? A mental health disorder? What on earth would cause a mother to stay with and support a man who sexually abuses her kids? It happens more than we care to believe, and on today's episode we try to unpack what's going on when a mom chooses a sexual predator over her kids. ***ALL the trigger warnings***
Counterfeit Confessions: How Abusers Use DARVO to Turn Churches Against Victims
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender. It's a tactic used by many abusers to shame their victims and make them feel guilt over speaking out. But DARVO is also used to turn others--often entire religious communities--against the victim as well. Have you ever seen a congregation stand and applaud a man who has just confessed to sexual assault? Or witnessed church folks shaming a victim for speaking against a perpetrator? Odds are, it's DARVO at work. Today we'll chat about this favorite tactic of abusers and how to recognize it.
RESOURCES:
Sexual Abuse Survivors and the Church's Phony Compassion for the Unborn
With all the high-fives flying and churches celebrating in light of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, survivors of sexual abuse in the church may be left scratching their heads. Forgive us if we find the claims that the church cares deeply for the vulnerable disingenuous, but we've been under the table for decades practically begging for scraps of this supposed care and compassion--and we've been ignored or flat out stomped on. On today's episode of the podcast, we'll talk about pro life virtue signaling, and sit with a simple question: If you can't care for the vulnerable survivors who you see, how can you claim to care for the vulnerable unborn who you can't see?
The One Time It's OK to NOT Believe Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Believe survivors. We hear it often, and it's very important advice. But there's one time it's perfectly acceptable NOT to believe survivors... and that's when they tell you the abuse was their fault. On this episode we'll discuss how survivors of childhood sexual abuse often wrongly accept responsibility for part of their abuse because they are too early in their recovery to fully understand what they've experienced. Unfortunately, their belief that they are partly to blame is sometimes used against them later--once they realize the truth of their grooming and abuse.
Sheltered But Not Protected: A Chat with Justin Woodbury (Part 2)
Today on the podcast we continue our chat with Justin Woodbury of the blog and book, Sheltered But Not Protected.
RESOURCES:
Sheltered But Not Protected: A Chat with Justin Woodbury (Part 1)
Today on the podcast we are chatting with Justin Woodbury of the blog and book, Sheltered But Not Protected. Justin shares his experience of surviving sexual and spiritual abuse in the IFB.
RESOURCES:
Josh Duggar Keeps Telling His Family Who He Is. So Why Do They Refuse To Believe Him?
They say your character is who you are when nobody is watching. So why is it that Christians have so much trouble believing that people caught abusing children are depraved, dangerous and better off in prison? If you've been following the Josh Duggar trial, you may have read the letters that Michelle Duggar, Anna Duggar and Josh's pastor sent to the judge to beg for leniency in sentencing. They listened in court as horrifying details of the sex abuse materials Josh was viewing were recounted, yet still plead for a light sentence based on Josh's "godliness" and Christian character. When Christians are shown someone's true character, why do we have so much trouble believing them? We'll talk it out on today's episode.
No, Mega Churches Are Not The Problem
It's always easier to find fault with "that church over there," but when it comes to sexual abuse, it's important to understand that it can happen *anywhere*. On today's episode we'll chat about the recent scandals that have mega churches in the spotlight--and why we can't blame them for the problem of sexual abuse in the church.
**In this episode of the podcast, I quote author and pastor Tim Keller. This quote is for purposes of understanding the popular view that mega churches are the problem in christianity, and should not be construed as an endorsement of Keller, his church or his safety for survivors of abuse.**
The Importance of Understanding That An Abuser Can Be Anyone
"You think everyone is an abuser." It's a comment I've heard more than once in my work as an advocate, and in everyday life as a survivor of sexual abuse. On today's episode, we chat about the accusation, and discuss the difference between believing everyone is an abuser and believing that an abuser *can be* anyone.
On Christians Who Are More Bothered By Transgender Athletes Than Pedophile Pastors
Turning Red, Disney World PA greetings, transgender athletes... what are we protesting this week, church? Besides child molesters in our pulpits, because apparently that one is totally OK. On this episode, we'll discuss the church's unscriptural obsession with judging "the world," and the biblical exhortation to judge those inside the church.
Tags:
Bill Bjorkman, Calvary Chapel, sexual abuse, pedophiles, child molesters, church abuse, turning red, Lia Thomas, Disney
No One Has Been Hurt By Church More Than Jesus (And Other Hot Takes Pastors Should Stop Sharing On Facebook)
It's always fun when a spiritual leader teaches theology-by-meme on social media. And by fun, I mean obnoxious. There are some quotes and memes floating around on Facebook these days that are aimed at people who apparently don't spend enough time in a church building. And as memes tend to do, they vastly oversimplify what can be a highly complex lived experience for survivors of spiritual, psychological and sexual abuse within the church. On this episode, we'll tackle why a growing number of people no longer feel safe in a church building, and how social media one-liners from "men of God" only serve to further alienate them from the fellowship of believers.
Content Warning:
In this episode, we discuss sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, church abuse, unsafe pastors, unsafe churches, sexual assault, rape, child molestation
Indonesian School Principal Sentenced to Death for Sexual Abuse of Students (America, Take Notes)
On today's episode, we discuss the former boarding school principal who was sentenced to death in Indonesia this week for his sexual abuse of at least 13 students between the ages of 11 and 14. Is the death penalty appropriate for child predators? And as survivors, how do we navigate the guilt we often feel for "telling on" our abusers, especially if their lives could be on the line?
RESOURCES:
On John MacArthur, Churches That Support Abusers, and the "Worldliness" of Child Protection
On this episode, we chat about the controversy surrounding John MacArthur, and a church culture that insists protecting women and children from abusers is "worldly."
No, Healing Is Not The "Responsibility" of Sexual Abuse Survivors
You may have seen the "inspirational" quote floating around online: Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Well, on today's episode, we'll discuss why admonishments like this are a slap in the face to survivors of sexual abuse.
RESOURCES:
Orange Jumpsuits: The Antidote to the Church's Apathy Toward Victims of Sexual Abuse?
It should be the love and compassion of Christ, a sense of justice and righteousness that compel christian institutions to report, rather than conceal the sexual abuse of minors in their midst. But since that doesn't seem to be working, perhaps the threat of mug shots and orange jumpsuits will do the trick. On this episode we discuss the recent arrests of five administrators at Midland Christian School in Midland, Texas, who allegedly failed to report (and actively worked to conceal) the sexual assault of one of their minor students on school property. We talk about their case, and why it seems personal consequences are much more of a motivating factor than anything else when it comes to christians reporting sexual abuse.
Dear Christian: Obesity & Gluttony Aren't Synonyms (And Why That Matters to Survivors of Sexual Abuse)
Doctors, Scientists and researchers have long been exploring the link between obesity and childhood sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse is now recognized as being a key factor in obesity. The church, as usual, seems to be lagging behind the research. On this episode of the podcast, Kelly opens up about her experience with sexual abuse, trauma related obesity, and why many Christians' misinterpretation of "gluttony" can re-traumatize and further alienate survivors of sexual abuse.
RESOURCES:
The Second Assault (Why Victims of Sexual Abuse are More Likely to be Obese)
Sexual Abuse and Obesity- What's the Link?
Sexual Abuse Survivors and the Struggle with Self Care
Why do survivors of sexual abuse seem to struggle with self care? And how has the church contributed to that struggle? We chat about it on today's episode.