Tales From the Toolbox. Stories from Hand in Hand Parenting

In this episode, join four of the Tales from the Toolbox Team, Lara, Stacy, Belynda and Alice, for a warm and welcoming conversation on how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools really allow our children to FEEL the love and connection we offer.

If you want to get to grips with why connection is so powerful as an antidote to the busyness and stress that can get in the way of relationship, this is the episode for you.

You’ll hear more about:

• Micro moments of connection

• Unconditional love - what it is and why it matters

• Mummy hockey and how it brought connection

• How long it took us to bring play and listen to big feelings

• Why you are enough for your child

• How these tools can be a foundation of connection, especially if your child is struggling to feel your love

• How having a Special Time practice helps children learn to seek connection in their lives, and gives them a beautiful anchor point

• How ‘being present’ can be enough - we don’t have to ‘fix’ things.

You might enjoy some of the following resources on connection.

Join all five of the Tales from the Toolbox Team, Kelly, Belynda, Stacy, Alice and Lara, for a short bonus episode where they geek out a bit about the science behind Hand in Hand parenting and taking a connection-based approach. 

If you’re curious about what happens in our brains as we seek safety and connection and the practical implications of this through childhood and adolescence then this is the episode for you.

You’ll hear more about:

• The brain science that helps us understand what’s going on for our kids in hard moments.
• How to help them to gain the safety that allows their thinking brain to come back ‘online’ after they’ve been off-track or upset. 
• Why breaks in connection WILL happen, and some reassuring information about why this is ok.
• How children develop an internalised sense of safety and connection as they grow and develop, and the importance of repairing it when it inevitably breaks. 
• How connection is the super protective factor in supporting adolescents as they make the transition to adulthood.

Join us!

In this episode, join all five of the Tales from the Toolbox Team, Lara, Kelly, Stacy, Belynda and Alice, for a spirited conversation on how to set limits playfully. They share how this combination of two Hand in Hand Parenting tools, Playlistening and Setting Limits, is so powerful for bringing co-operation and joy.

If you want to learn about why playful limits are not permissive and how they actually help to dissipate the tensions that drive challenging behavior, whilst also bringing more laughter and joy then this is the episode for you!

You’ll hear more about:

• Why it IS worth the effort of bringing play to limit setting moments
• How play can shift the dynamic to make challenging situations go much more smoothly
• How playful limits can allow children to laugh away emotional tensions and bring benefits to parents too
• Ways the team have found to help muster that playful attitude from singing operatically to talking hands and the ‘idiot dance’.
• How undesirable behaviors (even spitting!) often dissipate when we can bring play to them.
• How putting on a silly voice might be all it takes for a co-operative bedtime
• How a family culture of playfulness can save time and energy now and pave the way towards ease in the future
• That playfulness even helps to build your child’s resilience and intelligence
• How playful limits are not a case of ‘rewarding bad behavior’ - instead they can communicate confidence and safety to our children AND turn a hard moment into a golden opportunity for connection
• Practicing a playful tone and why it’s helpful
• How getting better at setting limits can help us set boundaries in all areas of life

In this episode join Alice, Lara, Stacy and Belynda for a fun filled conversation about the Hand in Hand Parenting tool of Playlistening. We discuss how this tool is all about laughter and the amazing benefits that brings, from increased cooperation to less arguing and, most of all, an increased feeling of fun and connection in your family.

You’ll hear more about

• The benefits of letting your child be the strong, powerful, competent one while you are a bumbling fool
• How chasing the giggles helps your child heal from fears and other hurts
• Why roughhousing is a great thing to add to your day
• How Playlistening can help resolve sibling or friend squabbles
• That we all find it hard at times to be playful and how we can resource ourselves to return to a playful attitude
• Starting small and thinking about where you most want to bring lightness to your day
• Experimenting and knowing that it won’t always work out… and that’s ok!
• Using playfulness to bring limits that build cooperation and connection

If you want to learn how to approach tricky moments with play, find some ideas for games, and the kinds of situations where this tool can really help, this is the episode for you!

Setting Limits Introduction

In this episode join Belynda, Kelly, Lara and Alice for a thoughtful conversation about the Hand in Hand Parenting tool of Setting Limits. We share our own stories around how we’ve used it and report on some of the challenges we’ve had in our families with this useful and nuanced tool. We even manage to find the funny side of things... not always easy when our children dig in and seem like they are never going to cooperate!

You’ll hear more about

• Why Setting Limits is so different within the Hand in Hand paradigm
• How the framework of connection helps us to understand what’s happening when a limit is needed
• The inner shift that helps us bring limits in this kind, collaborative way
• Why control and limits are different things
• How you working WITH them against the problem is so much more effective than you making them the problem
• How the Listen, Limit, Listen framework helps
• The importance of considering whether our expectations are developmentally appropriate and how this can relax everyone
• How to BRING the limit
• How holding an expectation can be a great way to set limits
• How bringing space into the moment around a limit can help
• Why Listening Partnerships are so valuable in supporting us to set limits in this way
• How rewards and consequences aren’t necessary when we set limits this way
• Tales of how we’ve used Setting Limits in our own lives

If you want to learn how to set limits with love, laughter and kindness, and a rock-solid sense of confidence, this is the episode for you!

In this episode join Lara, Alice and Belynda for an earnest conversation about the Hand in Hand Parenting tool of Listening Partnerships. They share their adoration for this tool (again!), discuss how it has helped them and enthuse about how life changing it has been for them. You’ll hear more about:

• What a Listening Partnership is and the guidelines that help to keep it a safe space 
• How a bright spot and refresher question are the perfect bookends for a Listening Partnership 
• How this tool sets Hand in Hand Parenting apart from anything else available in the parenting world 
• The power of hearing others’ experiences 
• Tales of how they’ve used Listening Partnerships in their own lives 

In this episode, join the Toolbox team for a rich conversation about how they have learned to listen deeply to their children’s feelings and the impact this has had on their families.

Topics covered:

• How Staylistening heals early hurts in quite dramatic ways
• You can’t fake it - you need to respect your own bandwidth
• How to build your own emotional capacity and how Listening Partnerships help
• After a good dose of connection, children often reveal their underlying feelings
• Naming feelings is best avoided
• We don’t have to fix it
• Stories about how bonding it can be to listen to your kid scream!
• Why it’s simpler to be with an upset child rather than try to distract them or solve their problems
• Staylistening is different to 'cry it out' - how and why
• How this co-regulating approach is different to teaching your child to self regulate and calm down
• Dropping your agenda - trusting that your child will release their feelings when they are good and ready
• Simple and easy are not the same thing (!)

You’ll also hear some really helpful practical suggestions:

• How it’s best not to refer to the end of an emotional episode
• How Staylistening builds remarkable resilience
• How children often use a tiny pretext as a way to share their feelings
• How to be an anchor for your child so they know you’re calm and in your thinking mind and offer the confidence that they can get through any emotional storm

For some more resources on Staylistening try these links:

In this episode join Lara, Stacy, Belynda and Alice for a joyful and jubilant conversation on the Hand in Hand Parenting tool of Special Time. We share our children’s love of this tool, how it is structured in our approach, and why it is so powerful for impacting the trajectory of the parent-child relationship.

You’ll hear more about

• Why we often start with Special Time when we share these tools with families
• What Special Time feels like - for you (hint - sometimes hard!) and your child
• How the Hand in Hand model of Special Time works
• How Special Time as a practice can have a powerful positive impact on sibling dynamics
• How to trust our child to direct this time together, and what to do if they ask for screens, sweets or something unsafe.
• Logistics - how long to do Special Time for, what to do when you have more than one child, what to call it
• Why this connection vitamin is a powerful way to build cooperation (and will sometimes end in tears - and why that’s a great thing)
• Tales of how we’ve use Special Time in our own families

Listen in if you want to learn about why Special Time is different to other forms of play, and how to make this tool a cornerstone of strong relationships in your family!

For some other resources on Special Time try these

In this first episode of Tales from the Toolbox, join Belynda, Kelly, Stacy, Lara and Alice for a warm and welcoming chat introducing Hand in Hand Parenting. They share how the podcast came to be, and why they want to share the Hand in Hand Parenting approach with you.

You’ll hear more about

• Hand in Hand Parenting as an organisation
• Bright spots: why it's good to turn towards what's going well
• How taking parenting moment by moment helps
• Making connection the heartbeat behind it all
• Why the team will be getting real and sharing their imperfect parenting moments as well as the shiny stuff
• A wish for all parents: to feel well supported and not alone with it
• Why they love this approach!

Listen in if you want to learn more about Hand in Hand Parenting and get an idea of the passion that drives Stacy in California to get up at 5am to connect with Alice in Shetland, Lara in London, Kelly in South Africa and Belynda (pushing past her bedtime) in Perth to record each episode.

Some introductory resources on the Hand in Hand Parenting tools you might enjoy: