Talking Paragraphs

We're considering retitling the podcast "Random Reminiscing with Mundane Men" or "Rhetorical Paragraphs." If you don't know what we're talking about, don't worry about it. We don't either.

This week on Talking Paragraphs:

Dan can't find Caitlin Clark's cereal anywhere.

The time for Kum&Go has come and gone, say new owners.

Pepsi cuts off the French. Is World War III soon to follow?

Also: 100 great movie quotes from Fandango.

Old friends Dan and Tyler discuss the recent school shooting at nearby Perry from the perspective of a teacher (Dan) and a dad (Tyler). The usual nonsense topics begin at about the 38:30 mark.

Dan and Tyler discuss their New Year's Resolutions, bullets in a baby's diaper, the massacre of the Pop Tart's Bowl mascot, a video from space of a cat chasing a laser, and other sundry topics in the last episode of Talking Paragraphs for 2023 ... or the first one of 2024 depending on when you listen to it.

Dan talks through the grief of losing Mom 2.0, Joyce Rogers, who died Nov. 27. His longtime pal Tyler Teske is along to help him process.

Old friends Dan and Tyler try to make amusing points about current events but get lost in stories about vertical hold and a dumpy restroom in Eagleville, Missouri, visited in 1997 after a Yankees-Royals game.

Bonus: A lengthy two-part discussion of the taffy candy Airheads.

The ole' Paragraph Stacker, Daniel Finney, talks Matthew Perry's death and the sorrows of addiction, being forced to root for a Texas team in the World Series, the Great Dime Bags Caper, and the lasagna-thieving Bear, all that and more on Talking Paragraphs No. 143. Please support us on Venmo at @newsmanone or PayPal at @paragraphstacker.

The old Paragraph Stacker talks alone. Enjoy his random yapping about topics of minor import, including:

1. Zen and the art of eating a rootbeer float.

2. Missouri teacher shamed for OnlyFans account.

3. Fat Bear Week is threatened by political nonsense.

4. The Chicago Bears are garbage.

5. ESPN gloms on to Taylor Swift like clickbaiting whores.

The old Paragraph Stacker talks alone, adrift after being ghosted by his friend.

1. Update on Facebook hijack.

2. The Bears are doomed this year.

3. People complaining about the new Wonder Woman don't understand comics.

4. Criterion Channel streaming review.

5. Ghosted.

The old Paragraph Stacker walks alone. The World's Most Dangerous Accountant is incommunicado.

1. Paragraph Stacker Facebook Page hijacked!

2. CyHawk game is pointless.

3. The Bears still stink.

4. Taylor Swift kills the VMAs.

5. New Comics Wednesday.

BONUS: Random pop culture clips.

The ole' Paragraph Stacker and the World's Most Dangerous Accountant, Memphis Paul, discuss topics of minor import, including:

1. Final Showcase Showdown for Bob Barker.
2. John Warnock, inventor of PDF, dies at 82.
3. Shohei Ohtani hurts arm, won’t pitch, will hit.
4. Jimmy Butler plays tennis.
5. Yankees minute: Bryson Scott hits with bat painted to look like a No. 2 pencil
6. Arsenal minute.
7. CFB: Notre Dame vs. Navy in Dublin.
8. Bear on Iraqi Airlines. Hijinks ensue. 
9. Cocaine Bear and other Bear content on Amazon Prime
10. Subway brand sold.
11. BONUS CONTENT: Audio from the LOST EPISODE.
12. Nancy Gilchrest, be sure to listen all the way to the end!

The ole' Paragraph Stacker himself, Daniel Finney, and his pal, the World's Most Dangerous Accountant, Memphis Paul, gather to discuss topics of minor import, including:

1. Paul's house: Duck or chicken in the driveway?
2. Summer ends for teacher Dan.
3. Zuckerberg vs. Musk needs to happen.
4. Teachers worried about fake student papers produced by ChatGPT.
5. Peyton Manning becomes a fake Tennessee professor.
6. Did Montgomery dock brawl spurs Walmart's folding chair sale?
7. Was "The Blind Side" movie was a lie?
8. Iowa State Fair update: Butter Caitlyn Clark, Jack Trice, and Kurt Warner.
9. Colin Cowherd says Dwayne Haskins can’t win a Super Bowl.

The ole' paragraph stacker Daniel Finney yaps it up with the World's Most Dangerous Accountant, Memphis Paul, on topics of minor import, including:

1. College football conference collage making.
2. Iowa-Iowa State gambling scandal.
3. Is that a man or a bear in a Chinese zoo?
4. Arsenal minute.
5. Yankees minute.
6. Chat GPT reviews Memphis BBQ.
7. Final Days of Riverdale.
8. 80-year-old offers snacks to an intruder.
9. Ridiculously show runner got a place in games through nepotism.
10. U.S. credit downgrade/Backyard Burgers bankruptcy.
11. Synthetic alcohol cure for hangovers?
12. Apple TV doc on Beanie Babies.

Dan and Paul explore the mysteries of the universe from comfortable chairs. The ole' Paragraph Stacker and the World's Most Dangerous Accountant discuss the following topics of no great import:

1. Following Twitter's change to X, we change our name to Y.
2. #Whoppenheimer: We wish this was a real thing.
3. Dan reunites with Lisa Bluder.
4. Dan goes to Barbie.
5. Lena Dunham to direct Polly Pocket.
6. Paul sends Dan to film school: Umbrellas of Cherbon; Rounders and Solaris.
7. Man gets 33 months jail sentence for extortion plan related to false claims GA Tech coach Josh Pastner assaulted his girlfriend. Question: How the hell did Josh Pastner get a job at Georgia Tech?
8. Northwestern football players go into hiding after hazing scandal.
9. Arsenal minute 
10. Yankees minute 
11. George RR Martin is on strike: how can we tell the difference?
12. Memphis squirrel's suicide knocks out power.
13. Taylor Swift turns down KC Chief’s player’s number.

The ole' paragraph stacker, Daniel Finney, and the World's Most Dangerous Accountant, Memphis Paul, discuss topics of minor import in this week's episode, including:

1. Consumer Affairs names Memphis worst driving city
2. Time Blindness
3. Women's World Cup
4. NBA Summer League
5. RAGBRAI in Des Moines
6. FedNow payment system
7. Tour de France beer snobbery
8. SUNY Morrisville’s black stadium turf
9. Yankees Minute: Fire everyone
10. Arsenal minute: Declan Rice gets jiggly with it/ Ugly road kit
11. OU coach talks shit about Deion Sanders

The ole' Paragraph Stacker, Dan, and his pal, the World's Most Dangerous Accountant, Memphis Paul, get their jibber jabber on about topics of minor import. Ingredients in this week's episode may or may not include:

1. Canadian judge says ‘thumbs up’ emoji is a legally binding signature
2. Orca attacks in France/Update on Freya
3. Gas pumps pumping slower conspiracy 
4. NY Times folds sports dept. into the Athletic
5. Northwestern football coach Pat Fitzgerald/baseball coach firing for hazing
6. Paul’s website ideas
7. Paul’s liquor store ideas
8. Knee shots
9. Writer’s strike/Actor’s strike/Deadwood binge
10. Just Stop Oil at the British Grand Prix
11. The Flash is terrible. Transformers; Rise of the Beast is decent. 
12. Pro cricket in the US. 

Our heroes, former newsman and current teacher DANIEL FINNEY and his faithful companion, the world's most dangerous accountant, MEMPHIS PAUL gather again to mock the mockery that is American culture. Their topics of little import include:

1. Indiana Jones and the Dial Soap of Destiny.
2. NASA job for Paul.
3. Braves dominate All-Stars.
4. Wendy’s Meat Soda with a hint of ketchup prank.
5. ESPN layoffs: Jalen Rose, Keyshawn Johnson, Max Kellerman, Jeff Van Gunde, and Suzy Kolber were all killed by the Mouse House.
6. Ryan Seacrest is to replace Pat Sajack.
7. Alan Arkin is dead.
8. Zelenskyy and Thunberg 
9. Belgian shot-putter runs hurdles.
10. France: Fighter jet chases Suspected drug plane; scofflaws throw up drugs over French countryside.
11. Fireworks suck.

The ole' paragraph stacker Dan is back with Memphis Paul to mock the silliness that is our times. On the agenda this week, but not necessarily in this order:

1. Searches found the Titan debris field, but Gordon Lightfoot is dead. Who will write the song of this disaster?

2. Dan taste's the Grimace's blood in McDonald's Grimace birthday shake.

3. Can anything save Turner Classic Movies?

4. Get to the 'choppa: Helicopter parents in the workplace.

5. Will Lil' Penny coach Memphis with Penny Hardaway suspended?

6. Cubs and Cards play in London, where we hope they stay.

7. Some guy for the Marlins might hit .400, but probably not.

8. Cage match: Zuckerberg vs. Musk. Who would win?

9. Other unmemorable nonsense.

Dan pays a heartfelt tribute to the awesome human that was Lisa Brinkmeyer, a basketball star at Drake and Hubbard-Radcliff. Then Dan and Paul get back to the usual hijinks that involve a discussion of Ricardo Montalban, the new "Star Trek" series "Strange New Worlds," and McDonald's Grimace birthday shake, which no one will ever be able to buy because all McDonald's Shake machines are broken.

No news outlet has covered the vagaries of the Chicken Wars more than Talking Paragraphs, but the frontlines have moved from the fast food sandwiches to actual farms on TiKTok. Our correspondents Dan and Paul give you the details of the new hot spot in chicken conflict.

In 1972, Dan and Paul were sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped into the void between Des Moines and Memphis. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as podcasters of fortune. If need to listen to a podcast — and no other, better podcast is available — maybe you can listen to "Talking Paragraphs."

Welcome to Talking Paragraphs, the podcast that is so incoherent half of the people involved don't remember its name.

Topics that we at least intended to discuss:

1. The meaning of "faff" and why you should embrace it.
2. Pete Davidson vs. Cocaine Bear
3. Phone answer etiquette for clones.
4. We can't talk about "Relative Justice."
5. We barely talk about "Hemlock Grove" on a new streaming service.
6. Cows help cops find suspects.
7. A lot of random memories from a college party nearly 30 years ago.
8. A story of stolen goats in Winterset in 1993.

Daniel P. Finney and Paul Russell have been friends for 30 years. Dan lives in Des Moines. Paul lives in Memphis. Through the miracle of technology, they unite each week to solve riddles left by madmen about Gotham City. You may love them. You may hate them. You may even fear them. But don't you dare take them seriously.

Two unremarkable men discuss unimportant topics for their own amusement. Listen in and maybe you'll be amused. If not, it doesn't matter. We both have jobs. We have no illusions about becoming social media influencers. In this episode, but not necessarily in this order:

1. Georgia football team refuses to visit the White House
2. ESPN: Steven A. Smith
3. JJ Watt’s pub crawl
4. Game of Thrones on pause 
5. Iowa-Iowa State gambling nonsense
6. Secret hideaways at Graceland
7. McDonald’s: Oh, did you want ice with that?
8. Baseball: The war on WAR

The ol' Paragraph Stacker, Dan who drives a van, connects with his pal, Pal, an account for the King of Rock and Roll. Together the laughs ensue as much as is allowed on the brittle skeletons of two middle-aged white men. Topics include:

1. Toast: Dark or light? Butter or jam?

2. Paul's vacation trip to the library, a Kroger, and a public garden.

3. Cable TV news mopes get fired.

4. Carol Burnett, 90, honored with the best variety TV special since the 1970s.

5. Dan's still teaching school.

Topics discussed by two middle-aged men who ought to be doing something more productive:

1. Paul gets a job
2. Job search details
3. Paul goes to the movies: Renfield
4. Springfield, MO man demands meat at gunpoint
5. Elon Musk pays for whiny celebrities' blue checkmarks
6. $100M gold heist at Canada’s largest airport
7. Max Scherzer joke
8. Netflix ends DVD mail service

This week, on the world's longest-running podcast between a journalist turned middle school teacher and a soon-to-be unemployed accountant, Dan and Paul discuss the items of lesser import, including:

1. Paul goes to the movies: "Dungeons & Dragons"
2. Dan stays home and watches the movie"Smokey and the Bandit:
3. "Cocaine Bear" to Peacock
4. Paul's job search
5. Chinese people are dating their chatbot
6. Washington Commanders sold
7. NBA playoffs: Sacramento Kings use lasers; bizarre comparison of current Memphis Grizzles to Detroit "Bad Boys"
8. Arsenal crashing
9. "Sound like a trapped wolf"

This podcast is so packed we didn't have time for the story about a moose that went into a hospital to get lunch. What Dan and Paul did discuss, includes the following:

1. Do rising egg prices lead to people painting potatoes for Easter?
2. Laid-off McDonald’s exec writes a Haiku on LinkedIn.
3. New Steve Jobs book to be free to download.
4. Thieves break through a coffee shop bathroom to steal $500,000 worth of iPhones.
5. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. makes Joe Biden look better.
6. Anti-trust lawsuit aims to stop eSports "athlete" wage suppression.

1. Live look-ins on the women's basketball national championship: Iowa vs. LSU.
2. Movies we like but probably won't go to see: "Asteroid City," "Renfield," and "Dungeons & Dragons."
3. Pepsi's rebrand is a retcon for 1990s nostalgia.
4. Pigeons with backpacks full of crystal meth.
5. Police arrest alligator in Tampa.

Dan and Paul meander their way through topics including the magnificence of Caitlyn Clark, how sandwiches are killing Americans, and the giant seaweed monster headed to Florida (of course).

Paul returns to talk about his future after accounting. Spoiler: Probably more accounting.

Paul is AWOL again. He's had it rough lately. He lost his job, but not for 90 days. That sucks. In his place is Tyler from Ames. He's mild.I've only seem he get really angry once or twice in 33 years of friendship. Anyway, we talk about stuff, too. Enjoy. Or don't. You get what you pay for and I don't see hear the bullet 

Paul lives! After a three-episode absence in which the podcast nearly folded without his genteel Southern charm and wry wit, Paul returns to Talking Paragraphs with his emotional, raw, and wrenching tale of Tetris addiction and the bitter toll it took him. "Things got so bad I flunked one linear algebra exam freshman year in college nearly 30 years ago," Paul says through tears. Stay tuned. The worst is yet to come.

Paul is off for load management. Tyler is in for Paul despite being terrorized by spiders in his shower. Dan is ready for a fried cauliflower sandwich, but they're only available in hippy-dippy towns. Also: Vintage commercials.

Tyler is in for Paul. Dan is still Dan. They talk about stuff, including:

1. The yacht thief who left a dead fish on the doorstep of 'The Goonies' house.

2. The kid who ran up a $1,000 bill with GrubHub deliveries.

3. The dolphin skull found in the Detroit airport.

4. The human jawbone left at a California police station.

5. The man who stole monkies and nearly got away with it.

Ideas to be discussed by a haggard middle school teacher and a man a reader for the local Gannett Outlet Store once called "the mouthpiece of Big Ag:"

1. The singularity approaches.

2. Jimmy Kimmel is going to ruin my favorite Twitter account 

3. Which sucks more: "That 90s Show" or "Velma?"

4. All drive-through fast food

5. Hallmark Valentine's Game

Topics of minor import that may or may not be discussed in this episode of Talking Paragraphs:

1. Lady sent to funeral home still alive
2. Laser-guided lightening
3. New Zealand President quits
4. Paul likes a Fallon joke
5. NFL playoffs
6. Amazon recommends

Topics of minor import addressed by the dynamic duo of a Des Moines middle school teacher and a Memphis accountant:

1. Laundry stolen
2. Work Internet outage
3. Work flood
4. Lisa Marie dead
5. Jeff Beck dead
6. NFL playoffs
7. San Diego meerkats vs. Dallas Clouded Leopard

Topics of minor import discussed by an accountant and a middle school teacher. 

1. Damar Hamlin

2. Arsenal

3. "Plane" the movie

4. Listener mail

5. Text-to-speech virtual voice of Alex Trebek 

Items of minor import that may be discussed in this episode of Talking Paragraphs include:

• You know it's going to be a good year when both Ohio State and Michigan both lose.
• Pele is dead.
• Barbara Walters is dead.
• Gretta Thurnberg ends 2022 “with one of the greatest tweets in history,” per the Guardian.
• Blockchain smartphone named "the FINNEY."
• Coal Face
• The Love Boat

Topics of modest import that may be discussed on this podcast include:

1. Is Disney spinning off ABC/ESPN?
2. RIP Franco Harris.
3. Gambling odds ruin everything.
4. Little House on the Prairie.
5. Weather.
6. The disembodied voice of John Madden.

Items of modest interest that may be discussed in this episode:

1. Cocaine Bear
2. Digital Trump cards sellout
3. Yankees Hot Stove
4. RIP Rockford Files character actor Stuart Margolin (Paul is going to hate that he’s from Davenport, Iowa.)
5. World Cup final
6. Bowl season
7. Shoutouts: Terrence Tobin, contribution to the podcast, G. Willard Finney, died 34 years ago today. I’d love one more game of checkers with you, Dad.

The following topics may or may not be discussed in the episode. Expect many deviations and a lot of nonsense in between.

1. Wild cow in Virginia
2. Kirstie Alley dead
3. Mills Lane
4. Soccer talk
5. Cashman extension
6. Warner Bros. canceling DC Comics movies

The following topics may or may not be covered in this episode:

1. U.S. out of World Cup.
2. College football: USC, TCU shit the bed; Georgia and Michigan don’t.
3. Bot writes obit.
4. Gina Carano in a Hallmark movie,
5. Indiana Jones de-aging,
6. 1 in 8 Brits want to fart in public without being judged,
7. Pepsi wants you to drink pop with milk?!
8. Gannett layoffs.
9. Dutch woman smiled at a gorilla/gorilla got out/ attacked her/snack,
10. Iowa QB transferred/Michigan QB comes to Iowa,
11. Velveta Mac and Cheese takes longer to cook and sues,
12. Gaylord Perry dead. Spitballer/Joe Niekro on Letterman in 87,
13. Seychelles giant tortoise called Jonathan turns 190.,