By Daniel Finney
An exiled newspaper man and an overworked accountant seek the silliness in a reactionary world. Old friends Dan and Paul crack wise and hopefully crack you up.
#Batman pizza in America; No Coke, Starbucks, or McDonald's for Russia; Can you be a 'grizzly bear conflict negotiator' and tales of the missing episode
Talking Paragraphs • By Daniel Finney • Mar 12
104: Famed spitballer Gaylord Perry is dead while giant tortoise celebrates 190th birthday — 'What good amid these, oh me, oh life?'
The following topics may or may not be covered in this episode: U.S. out of World Cup. College football: USC, TCU shit the bed; Georgia and Michigan don’t. Bot writes obit. Gina Carano in a Hallmark movie, Indiana Jones de-aging, 1 in 8 Brits want to fart in public without being judged, Pepsi wants you to drink pop with milk?! Gannett layoffs. Dutch woman smiled at a gorilla/gorilla got out/ attacked her/snack, Iowa QB transferred/Michigan QB comes to Iowa, Velveta Mac and Cheese takes longer to cook and sues, Gaylord Perry dead. Spitballer/Joe Niekro on Letterman in 87, Seychelles giant tortoise called Jonathan turns 190.,
December 06, 2022
103: Self-order kiosk debacle at McDonald’s; US men’s soccer team vs. Taylor Swift fans
1. Self-order McDonald’s kiosk/tictok 2. US national team pisses off Taylor Swift fans 3. The mediocre seasons of Iowa and Oklahoma 4. Unreasonable UPS encounter 5. Netflix — CCR documentary and concert, Wednesday Addams show, and the documentary Hey Pepsi Where’s My Jet 6. Watched She-Hulk 7. Astros playoff shares 8. German win beer joke? 9. US vs England and James qCorridon 10. SPAM figgy pudding 11. Ronald Man U. 12. Burrito eating champ technique — July 4 hotdog 13. Hugh Jackman diet 14. 40 chickens in 40 days 15. Cocktail cookbook
November 28, 2022
102: Qatar vs. Budweiser, Taylor Swift vs. Ticketmaster, and Dan’s new wheels
Sunday, Nov. 20, 2022 1. New vehicle 2. Qatar vs. Budweiser 3. Man U. vs. Renaldo 4. Browns vs Bills game in Detroit 5. Bedlam 6. NIL rights for LSU gymnast 7. Michael Jordan is dead? 8. Taylor Swift Shakespeare class 9. Fox News and Taylor Swift 10. “Festive” season 11. Reddit on Sacramento Kings 12. 8 billionth person in born in Philippines. 13. “Observably stupid.” Kanye 14. Showboats return to Memphis 15. Spielberg “Bullit” spin-off
November 21, 2022
101: The trouble with buying a new computer; plus RIP Kevin Conroy and Gallagher
Powerful social media influencers Dan and Paul grapple with the least important issues of the day from the perspective of ordinary men.
November 13, 2022
100: Takies chips “bag licking good;” Kyrie and Kanye’s race to bottom; and farewell Ray Guy
1. Takes: Bag-licking good chips 2. Kyrie vs. Kanye in the antisemitic death match 3. Sports: Tennessee vs. Georgie: The South Has Risen; Kansas suspends Bill Self for four games for 2016 allegations; Washington football team is for sale 4. Yankee Fan Hell: Cashman or Boone. Fire one. Only one. 5. Aaron Judge: Keep or waive goodbye? 6. Wakanda Forever Happy Meals 7. Election: “Suburban women, no longer soccer moms, key to midterms.” Also: Sports lovers and Election jibber jabber through the years. 8. Aubrey Plaza on Disney Plus 9. Farewell Ray Guy
November 06, 2022
99: Distancing ourselves from Kanye; Sexy Wordle Halloween costumes; FedEx sacks Roxo the self-delivery robot; and why you shouldn't walk from Spain to Qatar
The 99th outing of Talking Paragraphs has Dan and Paul distancing themselves from Kanye and everyone else for that matter.
October 31, 2022
98: Taylor Swift’s album awesome; Iowa Iowa facts haunt Paul family gathering; Kanye does dumb stuff
Dan is awake for the entire episode and doesn’t devolve into word salad. It isn’t much of an improvement.
October 24, 2022
97: A long, cold open, Angela Lansbury is dead, Mountain Girl and Jerry "Chunky Monkey" Garcia, and jokes about baseball
This podcast was recorded on a Tuesday before we knew all the things that we now know by Sunday when we usually record the podcast. Our ignorance is on display for your entertainment.
October 17, 2022
96: McDonald's "adult" Happy Meals come with creepy toys; Tom Brady reportedly denies Gisele sex before games; All hail the Tennessee demolition derby queen
A pig in Australia steals 18 beers from campers, gets drunk, fights cow pop Olympic horse punching Bad service in Memphis McDonald’s The creepiness of Adult McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys — workers are stressed by adults wanting this shit Baseball medley — Judge, Otoni, Pujols, Braves on the rise, Mets shit the bed Tom Brady’s abstinence ritual drives Gisele away Paul hates the manning cast American owner looking to change Chelsea team name to ‘London Cowboys’ Demolition derby queen of Tennessee.
October 10, 2022
95: Urgent care reservations; ugliness of zero-gravity soccer; the doink; and ‘Detroit-style’ pizza
PODCAST TOPICS Sunday, October 2, 2022 1. Urgent care 2. Failed trip to Perkins 3. The Doink 4. Rooting for Kansas 5. Pizza Hut Detroit style 6. Happy Meal for adults 7. Aaron Judge 61 8. Don Mattingly and the 3 balls 9. Zero gravity soccer 10. Trevor Noah leaves Daily Show 11. Harrison Ford MCU
October 02, 2022
94: NyQuil chicken recipes; Pujols hits 700; What are people doing on Long John Silver's website; Dan pods solo to make up for his screw ups
1. NyQuil chicken 2. Pujols hits 700 3. Dan is still sick 4. Long John Silver's website a juggernaut 5. Brady vs. Rodgers is a dull disappointment 6. Where's Paul?
September 25, 2022
93. Dan's still sick; Paul talks weird celebrity endorsements, Kanye vs. Gap beef, and the pair review football games of no importance
Dan sick again Italian guy tests positive for HIV, monkeypox, COVID Reggie Miller for Wendy’s Danny Devito for Jersey Mike’s Kanye vs Gap Football review Nebraska vs OU Miami vs Texas A&M Bucs Saints Iowa vs Nevada Arsenal moment McDonald’s Queen closing She-Hulk show
September 18, 2022
#92: Queen is dead and that's fine, but did it have to screw up the Premier League schedule?
Queen is dead Violence in Memphis People keep naming their kids Thanos Iowa football stinks OU football - Bob Stoops in the booth Texas - Alabama game Fansville ad Harmon Baker, a good thing from Memphis
September 16, 2022
#91: 2+2+3 = Worst #Hawkeyes offense ever; #Sooners stomp UTEP; #Yankees spirialing; #Braves rising; Dr. Pepper #fansville 'fansplaining' clunks
Dan and Paul talk fall sports as baseball season winds down and college football winds up. Dan's recovering from COVID, but even he isn't as sickly as the Hawkeyes' offense. Oklahoma beats up UTEP, proving it's always fun to watch any school from Texas lose; Yankees' slide continues; a couple of other non-sports takes just for fun.
September 05, 2022
#90, Dan's first days with students; Uh-oh, teacher has COVID; Thoughts on series of terrible things: Nebraska football, a remake of 'Clue,' and 'She-Hulk'
Dan stumbles through his first three days with students right into the heart of another COVID-19 infection; Paul carries the load, talking about his successful Arsenal squad, Dan's sinking Yankees team, and dumb ideas such as "She-Hulk" and "Clue."
August 29, 2022
#89 Dan's nervous as students arrive for fall; Paul cares about the LIV-PGA spat; Bear cub high on 'mad honey;' Finland's PM knows how to party
Dan is out of his mind with anxiety as the time for students in his classroom approaches; Paul explains why he gives a hoot about the LIV-PGA spat; a bear cub gets high on 'mad honey,' and Finland's PM knows how to party; all this and more on the latest episode of Talking Paragraphs.
August 21, 2022
#88: Dan goes on Iowa Public Radio; Paul is high on Arsenal; Dan is low on the Yankees; and other topics of modest importance
Dan on "Talk of Iowa;" Paul on Arsenal; Dan on "The Captain" and the Yankees; and other topics of minor import.
August 18, 2022
#87: The story about the dog playing Connect Four makes Dan's sleepy, slurred voice almost tolerable in this career low outing
Dan and Paul honor #NationalBoobDay and complain about the "bent carrot" metaphor before Dan starts to fall asleep in the middle of the show and Paul saves the whole thing with a story about a dog and its owner playing Connect Four.
August 08, 2022
#86: This week's sign we're doomed: You can simulate life as a goat on a video game or have robot cats serve you dim sum
A goat simulator video game enters its third generation while robots with cat faces serve dim sum. Also: Twitter personality compares G.I. Joe figures of the past.
August 05, 2022
#85: Memphis Vice stop Italian snail terror attack
Memphis port authorities bust 90 pounds of illegal Italian snails. Toys R Us may return from the dead. Dan goes to the eye doctor for the first time since 1998. Speed round: "The Captain" documentary, upcoming Arsenal season, and Winnie the Pooh is a horror movie.
July 25, 2022
Murderous elephant returns to wreck funeral; TikToker's book about deadly animals; Chef ruins a Happy Meal; Listener mail; and terrorist golf
Dan and Paul welcome Cobra Commander, Destro, the Baroness, Major Bludd, and Zartan. Musical guests: Pantera. Our apologies to last week's guests, all of whom were bumped and the majority of whom, it turned out, were fictional characters.
July 16, 2022
Giant snails attack Florida town; Brain-killing amoebas shut down 'Iowa beach;' all this and a 'Thor: Love and Thunder' review
Dan and Paul welcome Darth Vader, Megatron, Mumm-Ra, and Skelator. Musical Guests: Eddie and the Cruisers. Our apologies to last week's guests, all of whom were bumped and a good number of whom were deceased.
July 11, 2022
Talking new 'Beavis and Butt-head' movie; 'Star Trek' content on Paramount; USC and UCLA in the B1G; Stranger Things finale; Kraft Macaroni & Cheese name change
Dan and Paul welcome Jan Smithers, Loni Anderson, Gordon Jump, Richard Sanders, Frank Bonner, Tim Reid, and Howard Hessman. Musical Guest: Dethklok. Our apologies to last week's guests, all of whom were bumped, and a good number of whom are deceased.
July 03, 2022
Summer cold: Paul plays hurt; Dan's drowsy after his big birthday party; The Brady Bunch intro; Who shoots worst: Stormtroopers or Cobra soldiers?
Dan and Paul welcome Suzanne Sullivan, Gilbert and Sullivan, Sullivan and Son, Son of Bat Boy, and musical guest, Boy George. Our apologies to last week's guests, none of whom made it onto the program and some of whom we were later informed are deceased.
June 28, 2022
Podcast: Russia's McDonald's knock-off; Tennessee Williams' secret origin; Hidden 'Lebowski' references in 'The Old Man;' all that and SPAM recipes
Paul opens the show with sizzle. Dan reviews "Bonzo on the Road to Asguard." Guests: Emma Thompson, Hunter S. Thompson, John "Tommy Gun" Thompson, and the hot physics major who invited Dan and Paul to a party freshman year at Drake. All that and live music from Cold Slither.
June 23, 2022
47.2 is the unhappiest age
Unhappiest age? 47.2. Trinity Rodman is better at soccer than her dad is at being a dad. Dan tells one too many Coke jokes. Paul pushes the limits of friendship with news texts. Responding to listener comments.
June 13, 2022
Detoxing from Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trials; Online shopping for retro gear; In praise of Oklahoma softball; Revenge of the Mullet
The defamation trials of former spouses Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are finally over. How long before FX does a 10-part miniseries like O.J.? The rest is fun meandering through topics that are in no way pre-organized and, once discussed, are largely forgotten by the people who discussed them. However, we think you'll enjoy this easy-going conversation between two old friends. And if not, well, it's still free.
June 05, 2022
New format: Paul opens the show from Memphis; Dan goes to 'Bob's Burgers;' Paul buys a smoothie; 'Maverick' makes a lot of money
Listener Nancy Gilchrest wrote in to compliment a show we did without prepared topics. Since this was the first and only feedback we've received, we decided to remake the whole show. Paul opened the snow from Memphis. We just meandered from topic to topic. We referred to things young people wouldn't understand. Enjoy!
June 02, 2022
Vincent Van Gogh plays Graceland and other bizarre adventures from the life of Paul
Let's be honest: I forgot what we talked about for most of this podcast. It seemed interesting at the time, at least to us. I know there's something about Paul and his mom going to see a traveling Vincent Van Gogh exhibit at Graceland, the former home of Elvis Presley. After that, there's talk of an African restaurant nearby. The rest is hazy to me. So, we can listen and discover together.
May 24, 2022
Crypto tanks; Don't mess with the swim-up bar; and Dan is mumbling again in a medication haze
This episode sounds like crap. Part of the problem was I kept dozing off during the creation of it. It's not Paul's fault. He's wide awake. But I had been up late the night before. I got a shitty letter in the mail that screwed with my head for a bit. It put me off my game. I assure everyone I'm fine. There are good jokes in here and if you like to imagine me drunk, I figure this is what it sounds like.
May 15, 2022
Tragic and bloody true crime! Weird animal stories! Shocking superhero secrets! Everything the almighty algorithm says you wanted and more!
Tragic and bloody true crime! Weird animal stories! Shocking superhero secrets! Everything the almighty algorithm says you wanted and more!
May 09, 2022
Bears use house as Airbnb without owners knowing; Elon Musk buys Twitter and its still horrible; Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly blood-drinking habits; and 'fictosexuality'
5 black bears hibernate under a house, owners had no idea In Memphis: Woman stabs husband to death after argument over the taste of coffee Twitter sold to Elon Musk Prince Mongo buys MySpace Twitter: Steve Martin’s King Tut sketch in the 1970s makes people in the 2020s angry JC Penny buys Kohls Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly drink each other’s blood Fictosexuality
May 02, 2022
3,500 pounds of cheese stolen in Netherlands; Iowa Democrats can't count; Fox News hosts are horrible people; and tackling in junior college baseball
Should Interpol agents descend upon Wisconsin after 3,500 pounds of cheese was stolen in the Netherlands? Iowa Democrats can't count and Dan can't wait to get rid of the caucuses. Paul notes the latest in horrible Fox News host behaviors. And should baseball add tackling to the game after a brutal takedown in a junior college game?
April 25, 2022
Giant lizard story too horrible to contemplate — so of course we did; Plus: What word did the Pope use?; And this week's reason not to fly ever again
Something horrible happened between four men and a lizard in India and MSN decided the world needed to know about it. Now we do. And we can't get it out of our heads.
April 18, 2022
Lucky Charms poisoning allegations; new MLB rules; things middle-aged men can't eat
Paul serves a one-podcast suspension for continuing to text his Wordle score to Dan. T-square pinch hits and podcasts from his closet, where his wife arranges his clothes by hue. Silliness ensues. Enjoy.
April 11, 2022
Forget Major League Baseball: MLW Wiffle Ball is the summer game to see; Also 'Moon Knight' is good
Dan and Paul talk about stuff and things. They try to be amusing. They often fail. But this is free. You get what you pay for.
April 02, 2022
What can Brown do for you? Haul your brown, apparently, and other less scatalogical topics
Dan wants to know who UPS makes drive the Cologuard route. Paul is obsessed with celebrities who have animals in their names. Dan gets sleepy again. Don't worry. He's just tired.
March 27, 2022
Why are McDonald's shake machines always broken?
Paul catches March Madness Why are McDonald's shake machines always down? Have heard about the new Wordle? It's called Heardle. Kurt Vonnegut and the March Madness bracket Dan can embrace. The Cleveland Browns stick the knife all the way into Baker Mayfield. What will become of his amusing insurance commercials? Everton should sign protestor who zip tied his neck to the goal. Job opportunities for Hank the Tank.
March 20, 2022
#Batman pizza in America; No Coke, Starbucks, or McDonald's for Russia; Can you be a 'grizzly bear conflict negotiator' and tales of the missing episode
Dan explains what happened to last week's episode; Little Caesars is hawking a Batman pizza; Coke, Starbucks, and McDonald's pull out of Russia, but traitorous Pepsi stays; Job opening: Grizzly Bear Conflict Manager; Man caught at Mexican border with 52 lizards and snakes in his pockets and "groin area." All that and more on the latest "Talking Paragraphs" with Dan and Paul.
March 12, 2022
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Dan takes a nap
I'm the problem with this podcast. Memphis Paul showed up. Let's be clear on that. We had material on animals doing strange things, the spelling of Andruw Jones' son's name, and a lot of background on Morris the Cat from the old 9 Lives cat food commercials. Paul brought his A game. Dan brought his Z game, as in "zzz." He kept drifting off to sleep, but not all the way. He kept talking, but the words coming out didn't make sense to either the topic or anything else. Some may argue that's always true. They might be right. After an evening trying to edit this mess into something worth listening to, Dan gave up. What follows is an hour of Dan snoring. Really. He's telling you straight. There's an opening and ending, but everything in between is the sound of his bedroom fan and him snoring. He dares you to listen to it.
February 27, 2022
More #Wordle talk; Animals with their heads stuck in human things; Russian security guard faces the law after he defaces painting
Paul is with this week. Dan's voice is on the recording, but he's kind of out of it. There are silly topics. Paul carries the load. Dan babbles. It's really sad. Someone should talk to him about it.
February 20, 2022
7 days of cold and dark: Memphis man's harrowing tale of surviving a rare Southern ice storm
The lights went out in Memphis around 10 a.m., Thursday, and our beloved Memphis Paul and his mother were plunged into darkness and cold for a week. How they made it through and other topics of great unimportance in this week's "Talking Paragraphs."
February 13, 2022
Brawl at Golden Corral when steak runs out; Remembering Darla the movie dog; Oscar Mayer face masks; and the New York Times buys Wordle, as players another reason to be smug
An ice storm in Memphis knocks out Paul's power. Guest host T-square Tyler pinch hits. He proceeds to have a genial political conversation with Dan which arises fears of the pitchfork and torches crowd. So, we cut it out. The remainder of the podcast, we hope, is banal enough to be amusing without offensive in a nation where being offended is the national sport.
February 07, 2022
Nobody cares about your #Wordle score; Peter Dinklage goes after 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves;' and other topics of great import
Items cut from this episode include a role play with Dan playing Matt Damon interview Ben Affleck, played by Paul. This was cut because Paul called Dan a hypocrite. That part was left in the episode. It doesn't make any sense, but what do you expect from us? Also cut from this episode was a lengthy debate about the quality of a major grocery store chain. This was cut because Paul worried we would lose their sponsorship, even though we don't have their sponsorship and they're a German outfit that makes you put a quarter down to use a cart, which means there is no way they're going to sponsor our podcast.
January 30, 2022
Goat escapes religious sacrifice by drunken priest — man doesn't; Wharton kid thinks $800K is 'average' American salary; New pirate stock exchange
Goat escapes slaughter as drunken priest allegedly kills man instead. Wharton student estimates Americans make average annual salary of $800,000. Pirates part of casino-style stock exchange. McNuggets dipping into garlic pepper spice. Foreign chip flavors revisited. Gaspard Ulliel, Meat Loaf, and Louie Anderson all dead. Shut up, Joe Rogan. Netherlands protesting COVID restrictions by going to the museum to get their hair cut.
January 22, 2022
America falls behind the world in potato chip variety; Mexico raids Kellogg's warehouse, confiscates Corn Flakes and Special K; and more
Tyler pinch hits for Paul, whose off this week due for lode management. Chip flavors we wish were in America — or not. Mexico confiscates 380,000 boxes of Kelloggs cereals for inappropriate cartoons and sugary content. And some kid at LSU won a year's worth of Whataburgers, but does it come with aortic stent?
January 17, 2022
Why you should eat a Taco Bell taco every day for a month; Little Caesars' price hike; and dying at the right time
Dan and Paul are back with their weekly machine gun of laughter. Highlights include: A parody ad for anhedonia, a joke stolen from Jim Gaffigan, and a list of banished words stolen from the Lake Superior State University.
January 09, 2022
Oh, the humanity: French Fry shortage in Japan! College football chatter, and New Year's Resolutions from 2021 we actually accomplished
Dan and Paul are back for 2022 with a laugh-packed podcast for the New Year. The ol' Paragraph Stacker and the World's Most Dangerous Accountant discuss matters of little importance in hopes inspiring a hardy guffaw or chortle, but not a choke because neither one of them know the Heimlich maneuver.
January 02, 2022
Live play-by-play of Christmas presents being opened; mushroom coffins; 'Licorice Pizza,' 'Spider-Man,' and 'Matrix 4'
Dan and Paul give golf commentary on child opening last Christmas present; Save the planet — be buried in mushroom coffins; and movie reviews of 'Licorice Pizza,' the latest 'Spider-Man,' and 'Matrix 4.'
December 26, 2021
Paul's lost on a Christmas Tree Farm; Tyler is drunk on Winter Spiced Cranberry Sprite; and Dan is napping after finals.
Paul is off for load management. Tyler pinch-hits again. Dan has no agenda. So, basically, it's the usual mess for about an hour and 15 minutes. What are you going to do — watch football? Well, probably, but give play us over the game sound. It's modestly amusing.
December 20, 2021
Remembering Bob Dole, the last great moderate; Sex in the City tries to kill Peloton; and Zoey's Extraordinary Christmas Movie
Some of this stuff we talked about, some of it we didn't. You'll just have to listen to figure out which cats are alive and which ones never existed: Bob Dole death Zoey’s Extraordinary Christmas Sex and the City Pelaton death Dawson’s Creek Gi Joe comics acquisition Sandra Bullock Netflix Jennifer Anniston interview Live Before A Studio Audience Lesson plan: Clickbait Licorish pizza movie Tom Brady Jack in the Box/Del Taco
December 15, 2021
Sunny the horse airlifted to safety in California; Paul thinks an Instagram filter is like ViewMaster; and the 12 Days of Omicron
This podcast will self destruct after 11 plays. We dare you to try. Visit paragraphstacker.com for the latest musings of your host, the ol' paragraph stacker himself, Daniel P. Finney.
December 05, 2021
HBO roots through trash with Brittany Murphy death doc; We didn't watch Hawkeye, but not because social media told us not to; Is Omnicron a COVID variant or Transformers villain
Dan and Paul are two middle-aged men talking about things. There's no reason you should listen them as opposed to other people, but, then again, there's no reason you should listen to anyone about anything. Decide for yourself. We'll be here cracking wise and a decidedly mellow, maybe even lazy, pace. All we cost you is your time.
November 29, 2021
Special 50th Episode anniversary party: Celebrity notes of praise, G.I. Joe guys they never made, and demystifying crypto
We've made 50 of these podcasts. Maybe if you cut them all up, you could get one decent episode. Maybe. But, hey, listen anyway. We promise we're just as dumb as anything else you can get at this price and twice as dumb as most cable TV news.
November 20, 2021
In big business, breaking up is easy to do; Comic books we read and liked; Matthew Perry stalks Paul at L.A. Fitness
Let's be honest: This is not our best effort. But what are you going to do, not listen? Probably.
November 15, 2021
Dan gets COVID, Paul sees a movie, #ChrisPratt vs. #wokism, and #HotHolidayToys
Dan got COVID too late for it to be interesting. Paul reviews "Last Night in Soho." Our dynamic duo discuss the woke vs. Chris Pratt social media flap, how Cincinnati is doomed, and preview allegedly hot Christmas toys. Also: A customer service survey.
November 07, 2021
If any of us had any guts, we'd delete Facebook or Meta or whatever, also why you should get an MBA but not aromatherapy at WalMart
Paul returns from back injury and the guy gripe about Facebook's name change, Millenials who fear Gen Z, the meaninglessness of cryptocurrency, and the latest from the front lines of the Chicken Wars.
November 01, 2021
Peanuts holiday specials return to broadcast, PTI at 25, Johnny Carson -- still dead, and explaining Marvel movies to a father of two
Special guest host Tyler "T-square" Teske discusses why schools are having a hard time getting their supplies of square fish, rectangular pizza, and mystery meat for school lunches. Native Iowan Johnny Carson is discussed on his 96th birthday. He didn't celebrate. He's dead. Dan attempts a fall movie preview with a guy who hasn't been to the movies since 1993's "Tombstone." Bonus mild -- very mild -- amusements included at no additional cost.
October 25, 2021
Elk with a tire stuck on his neck for 2 years; Tennessee Vols fans are garbage people; and Harnessing cow farts for energy
Dan and Paul discuss the tale of a Colorado elk who wore a tire around his neck for two years; apologize for saying something vaguely complimentary about Jon Gruden; Sooners win with a new QB, while Hawkeyes lay an all-too-familiar egg; the Braves win, while the Cardinals sack their manager for "philosophical differences;" and we finish the whole damn thing in under an hour.
October 18, 2021
Dan endures the pains of middle age, Paul saves 15% or more switching insurance, and Jon Gruden's old emails
Dan and Paul each recorded this podcast supine in bed and Dan drifted off about halfway in, so a lot of his speech is slurred and babbling. The good news is nobody can tell the difference. Paul makes some good points, but there are long, silent pauses punctuated with a loud "uh" or "um." Paul explains why he doesn't want to use real sound bites in the podcast. Dan does it anyway.
October 12, 2021
Podcast: The mystery of 'The Price is Right' yodeller, Daniel Craig in a pink crushed velvet tuxedo, and two useless facts about Tennessee
Dan and Paul discuss "The Price is Right" 50th anniversary special, Sooners, Hawkeyes, "Fuck your couch" guy on TikTok, and two positive facts about Tennessee.
October 04, 2021
Podcast: KFC smuggling in New Zealand, More Violence on the Airlines, CNN's ridiculous fall headline, and Lewis Black's Anger Button
Buddies Dan and Paul meander through half-read headlines and barely noticed news stories for an 1 hour, 10 minutes. Listen for mild amusement.
September 26, 2021
Podcast: Remembering #NormMacdonald, #Jeopardy can't find a host, and TikTok of the week
Dan and Paul talk the death of Norm Macdonald, Jeopardy's host search woes, Paul Finebaum vs. a real gator, the saga of Purdue's big drum, another snotty director doesn't like Marvel movies, and TikTok of the Week.
September 19, 2021
Podcast: Death at McDonald's Drive Thru, Attack of the Robot vacuums, and a Joke from a Johnny Carson rerun
Dan says "uh" and "um" a lot. Paul pauses before every take, making editing longer and more tedious. That's right. It's another edition of Talking Paragraphs. Join us for humor set to medium.
September 12, 2021
Podcast: Back to school, College Football returns, 'Shang-Chi' review, and the sound of a tennis ball can being opened
Low-key duo Dan and Paul trim their wordy format. Less time, more takes. TikTok of the Week. The official Talking Paragraphs Playlists. Questions, comments: Email firstname.lastname@example.org or comment. We'll read your question on the air and mock it openly.
September 06, 2021
Podcast: Milk crate stacking challenge perils, what animals could you beat in a fight, and TikTok of the week
Former newsman and current grad student Daniel Finney chats with his pal Memphis Paul about the latest stupid trend, which animals we think we could beat in a fight, and a TikTok with the final word on the "Field of Dreams" game.
September 01, 2021
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: We ask a real Iowa veteran about Afghanistan
A BLOCK: Special guest retired Army Sgt. Lew Jordan explains Afghanistan was always going to end like this. B BLOCK: Lew joins Dan and Paul in talking about their favorite "G.I. Joe" toys and cartoon episodes.
August 25, 2021
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Field of Dreams game, emoji anxieties, and a joke from a Carson rerun
A Block Thoughts on Afghanistan B Block Field of Dreams game Batman ’89 comic book C Block Emojis new meanings Quiz: Who plays in that ballpark? And a joke from a Johnny Carson rerun
August 19, 2021
Paragraph Stacker Podcast: In praise of taping down drunk airline passengers
A Block: Pepsi betrayal state fair Airplane passenger taped down Zero hedge of the week B Block: Messi changing teams Remembering JR Richards USWNT loses Iowa vs. Iowa State: Bar version C Block: Game: 90s vs 80s Joke from a British show
August 13, 2021
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Paul's illness, fun Olympic stories, ScarJo sues Disney
A Block: Paul's illness and an amusing note from Zero Hedge. B Block: Watching the silly Olympic sports. C Block: Scarlett Johansson sues Disney over "Black Widow" streaming.
August 07, 2021
NEW Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Paul runs vicious burn on Starbucks
A. Block: Accidentially deleted by hamfisted engineer with a bum knee and numb hands slathered in lidocaine. 'B Block: Recap of the missing A Block, sports talk on Oklahoma and Texas destroying college football, the Cleveland baseball team's dumb new name, and some other dumb stuff that's long been forgotten in a haze of Tylenol and iced tea. C Block: It's really just another part of B Block because the engineer was too damn lazy to cut a seperate track. Topics include the new He-Man cartoon on Netflix and a planned Frogger live-action game show.
July 30, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: Violent baseball, Olympics chatter, and RIP Biz Markie
Dan and Paul discuss wild fans at MLB games, the Olympics, Turner and Hooch, and Biz Markie.
July 24, 2021
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: "Almost softball-sized hail" and other lies
Dan and Paul discuss "Dress Coded," Iowa hailstorms, and acts of kindness.
July 15, 2021
Talking Paragraphs on Vacation: Dan and Paul Together Again for the First Time
A Block: Airlines suck, Vacation activities, and Dan's injury. B Block: Sport chat on Wimbledon, EuroCup 2020, and #Yankees 70-year-old ball girl. C Block: Entertainment takes: Rick & Morty rule, vacation food, and Line of Duty finale.
July 04, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: Britney Spears' legal troubles, #ChickenWar shots fired, #MLB pitcher shakedowns, and Salma Hayek's big problem
A BLOCK: Dan's birthday, Britney Spears' legal troubles, Brett Farve vs. trans athletes, IKEA's bad menu and shots fired in #ChickenWars B BLOCK: #NBAPlayoffs, #EuroCup2020, #MLB pitcher shakedowns, #JeffGordan gets a job C BLOCK: Vacation, the $5-billion Roth IRA, and Salma Hayek's big problem
June 27, 2021
Podcast: Talking #EuroCup2020, Paul's vacation, and 'Cruella' versus 'Supergirl'
A BLOCK: Dan and Paul take EuroCup 2020 from the casual soccer fan's perspective. B BLOCK: Why is Paul packing a suitcase? C BLOCK: Movies: 'Curella; Comics: Tom King's 'Supergirl' No. 1; Memes: Batman: The Generous Lover
June 20, 2021
If you make it to the end, there's a brief kazoo concert
A BLOCK: Giant Marilyn Monroe visage terrorizes Palm Spring B BLOCK: ESPN sells rage and anguish instead of sports C BLOCK: Reviews: "The Batman's Grave," "The Woman in the Window," and Paul's Drink of the Week.
June 14, 2021
Dan and Paul discuss #MemorialDay, HBO, and the NBA Playoffs
Dan was going to try to do a nice professional edit on this podcast, but he realized he forget half the things he learned about GarageBand this summer, so he said to hell with it and published the podcast raw and edited. Buckle up you brave six listeners. The weird have turned pro.
May 31, 2021
SEASON 2 PREMIER: A lot of nonsense and inside jokes recorded for your amusement
America is back! Dan and Paul discuss life in a post-COVID age. BREAKING NEWS: Dan's parents' famed July 4 celebration is back on and you're all NOT invited. Well, Pau is. He might even come. But not the rest of you savages. Stay away. My uncle used to be a cop.
May 30, 2021
Season Finale: Memphis bridge woes, ESPN woes, and Angelina Jolie is in a movie
Dan and Paul close out the first season of their podcast with a double-sized thriller in which they bitch about the government, ESPN and Larry Flint’s FBI file.
May 23, 2021
Vaxed and sick, Chicago BS and rich kid blues
Dan and Paul endure second vaccine illnesses; Chicago is network TV’s favorite town, and the troubles of Bill and Melinda Gates
May 15, 2021
What happens when robots take over drug dealing and other questions for our time?
Dan and Paul have the exclusive last take on the NFL Draft; Paul suffers ill affects of second vaccine shot and the alcoholic beverage of the week.
May 10, 2021
Outdated takes discussed without urgency
Dan and Paul talk about old news because they are low-energy guys who can’t be bothered to keep up with current events.
May 01, 2021
#ChickenWars claims two more casualties
Dan and Paul discuss random stuff in the podcast almost no one listens to
April 24, 2021
This podcast so interesting one of the hosts fell asleep
No joke. About halfway through the podcast, Dan starts to babble as he tries to stay awake in the middle anecdote.
April 13, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: SPRING SPECIAL — Cremation, Easter Candy and baseball
Dan and Paul talk cremation junk mail, MLB moving the All-Star game and Easter candy.
April 04, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: Peeps Pepsi and one sip over the line
Dan and Paul discuss bad beverage ideas, Disney lies and out-of-date movie reviews. Plus. Women’s basketball in national TV
April 03, 2021
Bracketology Disdain, Hat of the Week, Pen Recommendation: Bic stick blue
Dan and Paul reach milestone as longest-running podcast starring accountant and a Des Moines journalist.
March 25, 2021
Once up a Coke Coffee
Dan and Paul talk nostalgia for TBS in the 1980s; Dan taste tests a Coke Coffee he didn’t want; TV Talk: Kingdom, Clarice, and Superman and Lois; What do you do when your mask falls on a public restroom floor and you don’t have a spare?
March 14, 2021
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Taylor Swift vs. Netflix
Dan and Paul talk about Taylor Swift’s battle with Netflix, the Naked Gun and an Iowa lawmaker’s wimpy gun.
March 07, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: The occasional podcast returns
Southern cold, high-end candy, IBM Watson for sale, OnlyFans doc by ABC, Netflix: Bridgerton and drink-of-the-week.
February 22, 2021
Tips for recovering your password to your multi-million dollar Bitcoin account
The laziest podcasters in the world randomly wander between topics that they couldn’t be bothered to write down or organize. Listen at your peril.
January 17, 2021
Talking Paragraphs: Dan’s first week in TV; Memphis Paul goes on a rum bender around the world
Paul’s mom bought him booze for Christmas and he didn’t want for Dec. 25 to get cracking
December 15, 2020
If you play this podcast backwards, it says ‘Memphis Paul’ is dead
Three things to enjoy: Taylor Swift concert film, Carson on PlutoTV and Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olson. And one thing to hate: Chicago Bears football.
November 30, 2020
Episode 9: Got the COVID-cancelled holiday blues, sports takes and adventures in dental surgery
Dan and Paul discuss COVID lockdowns, cancelled holidays, some meandering sports takes and Paul’s Christmas wish list.
November 22, 2020
PODCAST: Thanksgiving side dish problems in Maine, Tony LaRussa needs a driver, #Iota playlist
Dan and Paul talk Thanksgiving side dishes by state, Tony LaRussa needs a driver, Baby Yoda’s diet, Words from the year you were born, and songs with the word Iota in it, ya know, for the hurricane.
November 15, 2020
Things we’re looking forward to after the election that have nothing to do with the results
Post-election joys that will probably be anxieties; RIP Sean Connery; TikTok of the week; RIP Daylight Savings Time; and some very bad Bob Dylan singing impressions.
November 02, 2020
It's the Great Halloween Candy Podcast and other topics
Memphis Paul and the Ol' Paragraph Stack mash through 10 topics of moderate interest including TikTok of the week and the great Halloween Candy debate. All that and more in Talking Paragraphs.
October 26, 2020
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Karens take over TikTok and roleplaying the final days of Tab Cola
Old friends Memphis Paul and the Paragraph Stacker ride again with a comedic ride through Karens on TikTok, roleplaying the end of Tab Cola and a speed round of the topics that no one really should care about in the latest epic episode of Talking Paragraphs.
October 19, 2020
Talking Paragraphs: The solution to pandemic uneasiness and other topics
The solution to pandemic uneasiness and other topics.
October 11, 2020
Grizzly crime visits Memphis Paul at night
Crime victim Memphis Paul discusses his late night brush with death and other topics of interest.
October 03, 2020
Talking Paragraphs: Rod from Rodman comics talks 10th anniversary
Paul still absent • Presidential COVID-10 • Fishy baseball • Life in a joyless time •
October 03, 2020
Talking Paragraphs Podcast: Things have changed
Exiled newsman Daniel P. Finney talks Fox's lousy college football crew, reviews 'L.A.'s Finest' and 'The Boys,' ponders what movies will bring us back to the theater and bad fast food sandwiches.
September 26, 2020
September 26, 2020
September 26, 2020