Talks with Dr Shafer

Swimming Lessons: Sometimes You Must Swim or Go Down With The Ship. Choose to Swim.

Thank you for joining me for this Short Talk on Talks with Dr Shafer. I'm a physician, mom, life coach, musician, author, and I am passionate about using storytelling as a tool to help you reclaim and reframe your story and move forward to build your most beautiful future.

Today on this short talk, I wanted to read something I wrote called Swimming Lessons. It's time. You feel it in your bones. It's time to change. At first, the knowing was a quiet drip in the background. This way of doing things was no longer keeping the water out. But this is the way you've done things for as long as you can remember.

So you kept going on about it. Hours, days, weeks, months, and even years, knowing a change was necessary, but stuck in the rut of your old habits, stuck in a vessel that was taking on water. Drip, drip, drip.

Eventually, what was once a whisper became a louder, sharper dissonance, and the leaking vessel no longer could be ignored. This is your ship, but it is just a ship, just a thing created to take you to where you want to go. But it isn't doing that any longer. The ship is going down. You can stay in it.

But the habits and lifestyle that you have created are taking on water and you can either go down with the ship or change. There comes a time in life where it is sink or swim. The waters may be rough and uninviting, but in order to move on in life, we simply have to do it. We must face our fear, jump in and swim.

The scariest moment is right before you decide to jump. Every moment after, there is no room for fear. There is only room for moving towards your goal. Once you commit to your dreams and take action, there is no time for fear. All of your energy is used to stay afloat and moving forward. You are no longer in the sinking ship.

You are now in charge of your destiny. You did not go down with that ship. You are still here. Keep swimming.

Thank you for joining me on this short talk with Dr. Shafer. Stay safe and take care. I'll talk to you soon.

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Trigger Warning: This Episode Contains Discussions About Mental Health Crises and Care, Suicidal Ideation and Suicide. 

On this episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, Dr. Mark Peterson, a retired school administrator and mental health advocate, shares his journey of being diagnosed with major depressive disorder and how it led him to become a mental health advocate and speaker. He emphasizes the importance of being open and vulnerable about mental health struggles and his mission to encourage others to seek help when in need. Dr. Peterson discusses the evolution of inpatient care from the patient perspective and the resources available for those in crisis, such as the 988 crisis hotline and mental health emergency rooms. Dr. Peterson encourages individuals to take action and seek help when needed, without fear or shame.

Resources:

Bringing it Back to Your Body: Heavy or Light, Stiff or Flexible, Stuck or Free

Heavy and light, stiff and flexible.

We can feel all of these things at different moments. One moment we are nimble and light, and it is as if we could spring from leaf to leaf, climbing higher and higher towards the heavens, no fear of falling, only focused on reaching the warm blue expanse above us. Next, seemingly without reason, we can feel weighed down, tethered to the earth, encircled by stones and shadows, unable to move a millimeter as our limbs feel stuck in the mud, while the wind blows and sand stings our eyes.  What is the overall difference in our mindset when we are experiencing something positive versus something negative? Our minds are hard-wired to focus on the negative to keep us safe. Has that food gone bad? Your mind won't let you forget the pain of food poisoning for a long time, if ever, because it wants you to remember that lesson and avoid such danger in the future. But in many situations, our mind's focus on danger prevention creates fear and avoidance that are harmful, not helpful. While we may rejoice for a moment over a victory such as getting a new job, completing that chore we have been putting off, or starting that new business and getting our first customers, our brain sees little benefit in focusing on these wins long-term. Instead, when we succeed, our mind goes on to the next step. That success felt good. How can we build on it and achieve it again? Our positive experiences lead to the secretion of happy neurochemicals in our brains, and we seek out experiences to get the next positive feedback. Our negative experiences trigger fight-or-flight type nervous system responses, which our bodies then remember to avoid repeat negative experiences. The drive to avoid pain can be all-encompassing and act as a distraction from seeking positive reinforcement. We can only focus on one direction, after all. So if our head is turned, looking over our shoulder at the mistakes and pitfalls of our past, we can't possibly  focus effectively on working towards today's and tomorrow's accomplishments. A way to help us come back into the present moment from our past so that we can determine where we want to direct our energy moving forward from this moment is to focus on how we feel in our body. How does this memory make us feel? Can we process it and release what is no longer serving us? Picking up on a single word such as Stuck, can help us.
I feel stuck. 
What does it feel like in your body to feel stuck? Literally, I feel like I am in molasses. What would it feel like to pull yourself out of that molasses? That would feel... freeing. How would it be to be free?It would be a completely new experience. From the perspective of yourself in this moment, feeling free and new, where do you want to go? We are free. Our circumstances or controlling people or situations may make us feel that we are not, and limiting beliefs in our minds may echo and cage us, but the truth is, it isn't a cage, it is more like a hamster wheel. There is a way out. But you have to choose. You have to stop running the unwinnable race, stop heading in the same direction that isn't taking you anywhere, step off of the wheel, and choose your path. It isn't easy. But it is possible. And that is the power of coming back into your body, into the present moment, and choosing in an embodied state where you want to go from here. Heavy or light, stiff or flexible, stuck or free. You get to choose what you believe you are, and that is what you will be. 

We Hope You Enjoy Today’s Episode. Please Like And Subscribe To Get The Next Inspiring, Growth-Focused Episode Of Talks With Dr Shafer Follow And Rate The Podcast To Help Spread Dr Shafer's Message Of Growth, Healing, And Reclaiming Your Story To As Many People As Possible!

On this inspiring episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, Dr. Shafer interviews Rev. Christine V. Davies, a writer, speaker, hospital chaplain and head of the hospital chaplaincy department at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, Minister, Pastoral Educator, Seminary Professor, Writer, and Spiritual Director. We discuss the role of a hospital chaplain and the importance of spiritual care in healthcare settings. Rev. Davies shares her personal journey and how she transitioned from pursuing a career in medicine to becoming a chaplain. We also explore the concept of spiritual distress and the ways in which chaplains provide emotional and spiritual support to patients and their families. The conversation highlights the need for open and honest conversations about grief, loss, and spirituality, and the importance of holding space for others without trying to fix or provide answers. Rev. Christine V. Davies discusses the practice of spiritual direction and its role in deepening one's spiritual life. Rev. Davies emphasizes the importance of individual grounding and finding a sense of spirituality, sacredness, and depth within oneself. She also highlights the need for individuals to untangle their beliefs and experiences from past religious trauma and find their own authentic spiritual path. An inspiring, deep conversation into real-world experiences of faith, illness, and connection with our families and communities, Dr Shafer and Rev. Davies create a safe space for difficult conversations and challenging moments.

We hope you enjoy today’s powerful episode. Please like and subscribe to get the next inspiring, growth-focused episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, and comment, follow and rate the podcast to help spread Dr Shafer's message of growth, healing, and reclaiming your story to as many people as possible!

*Disclaimer: Today’s episode discusses Intimate Partner Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence 

On this episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, with your host, Dr Shafer, we welcome special guest, Jennifer C Parker, who worked as a therapist for 35 years and is the author of  Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, which she wrote to reach victims and non victims of Intimate Partner Abuse to educate and promote healing. Coercive Relationships was a finalist in the 2022 Next Generation Indie Book Awards.  Since retiring from therapy, Jennifer trains therapists in effective therapy for abuse victims, markets her book and blog, and reaches out to survivors with information on social media. Today, Dr Shafer and Jennifer discuss her concept of the 12 Bricks in the Coercion Wall, the dynamics of Coercive Relationships, and the importance of coming back to yourself and your values to regain autonomy if you recognize that you are experiencing coercive control in your relationships, and how this can be a long and difficult process requiring grace for yourself and your past. We hope you enjoy today’s powerful episode. Please like and subscribe to get the next inspiring, growth-focused episode of Talks with Dr Shafer!

On this episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, with your host, Dr Shafer, we welcome special guest, Caitlin Sigouin, Therapist and Author of the Children's Book, A Rainbow of Feelings. We discuss the importance of allowing children to express and navigate their emotions, as well as the role of parents in supporting their children's emotional development. Caitlin highlights how learning new tools as parents can help us become more emotionally aware and better able to help both adults and children in navigating their emotions. We discuss different therapies and tools to aid in identifying and expressing emotions, such as using a color wheel to help identify emotions. We also touch on the challenges parents face, on learning to give grace and support to ourselves and one another, and the importance of authentic connection in our lives. 

On today’s episode of Talks with Dr Shafer, Special Guest Sergeant Major Clint Markland, 24-year career veteran, life coach and co-creator of The Father Forge shares his journey of personal growth and transformation. He shares the inspiration for The Father Forge program that he has created to help other men seeking personal and professional growth. Sergeant Major Markland discusses the importance of being present at home and the challenges of balancing a military career with family life. He emphasizes the need for men who wish to have a meaningful connection with their partner and family to make a choice to be present and engaged at home, and to prioritize their physical and mental well-being. Sergeant Major Markland explains the Father Forge program, which focuses on empowering men to become strong, capable, and authentic fathers and husbands. He also highlights the importance of self-awareness, worthiness, and building a strong support system on the journey to personal and professional fulfillment. 

Talks with Dr Shafer welcomes guest Donna Galanti, Author of the Unicorn Island series, Joshua and the Lightning Road series, and The Element Trilogy and Host of the podcast Your Bounce Back Life to today’s episode. Donna shares her journey as an author and storyteller, which began after her mother's passing, a challenging and pivotal time in her life. She discusses how she found healing and purpose through writing and storytelling. Donna also talks about her newest adventure, her engaging podcast, Your Bounce Back Life, and how it allows her to share her experiences and inspire others. Donna shares her experience as a caregiver for her father, and the challenges and emotions involved in caregiving and finding peace in the process. She shares her toolbox of techniques for navigating challenges, including transcendental meditation, emotional freedom technique (EFT), walking in nature, yoga, exercise, and journaling, as well as the importance of slowing down and enjoying the journey rather than being fixated on the goal. Donna reminds us of the importance of core values, identity, and living in a state of wonder.

*Trigger Warning: Today's Episode includes discussion of Sexual Assault, Addiction, Alcoholism, Self-Harm, and Eating Disorders

Join Dr Shafer on Talks with Dr Shafer with Special Guest Jonathan Niziol. Jonathan shares his journey of overcoming distractions and addiction after the sudden loss of his mother as a young adult. He discusses his struggles with severe anxiety, clinical depression, panic disorder, and self-harm. Jonathan's turning point in his alcoholism came when he experienced a life-threatening case of acute pancreatitis due to alcoholism. This event led him to make the decision to quit drinking, but his relationship to distractions and self led to several other cycles of addiction that he had to learn to face through a focus on self-awareness with the help of therapy. Jonathan is an International Model who was a victim of sexual assault in the workplace. Jonathan then faced a battle with bulimia and details his experience.

Jonathan Niziol shares his personal journey of overcoming addiction, trauma, and self-discovery. He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, forgiveness, and self-acceptance in the healing process. Jonathan highlights the power of words and mindset in shaping our lives and encourages continuous learning and growth, and the importance of treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. Jonathan's story serves as a reminder that we are stronger than we think and that it's never too late to make positive changes in our lives, and those changes start with our mindset and our habits.

Thank you for joining us today. Please subscribe to Talks with Dr Shafer for more inspiration and growth-oriented episodes! Let's grow together and reclaim our stories.

You are not alone in dealing with addiction.